TOTALLY EXTRA: Naked for 3 Seconds, Itchy Revenge & A Shower Hose Session

0:00Anna Williamson:Hey man, you hungry? Let's order delivery. Yeah, I was thinking Italian burgers. Oh Game night just got tense two bros on different sides of the fence Burgers or pasta tonight Why can't we have food without the fire? With wonder you can combine 20 restaurants in one delivery so no one has to settle use code mealtime for 50 % off your first wonder order terms apply See wonder.com slash new customer From the people who brought you It's the Dog Park comes... Is that a new bump on your dog's neck? Or is that bump just a part of his neck? Could be a bug bite or something way worse. Protect your dog from injury and illness with Progressive Pet Insurance.

0:51Wait, there's another bump right by the first bump.

0:56Anna Williamson:Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Not available in all states or situations. Coverage subject to policy terms. This is a Global Player original podcast. Be warned, it's Luanna, and this podcast contains honest, upfront opinions, rants, bants, and general explicit content. But guys, you're here, it's Luanna, and you know you love it. Hello, hello, top of the Thursday. Welcome to Luanna, the podcast. All right there, babe. It is Thursday. I'm Lu, she's Anna. We're joined also by Imo and Bex, who now has a mic. Hello. she doesn't say a lot in it but she's got the option I said to Remo the other week when she said she went I've got Bex a mic now I went careful careful she'll want a chair next just because I was fed up of the input from Bex not being able to be heard actually that is your absolute that's your bugbear I mean you are the producer Remo you like clear concise talking of clear concise hopefully we have got you guys joining us this week this is an episode all about you it's your extra rants extra chats extra confessions extra stories extra you.

2:00Don't forget before we muff on in please follow on your favourite podcast platform top right hand corner and if you're watching on YouTube subscribe now. And also have you got your tickets

2:10Anna Williamson:to join us in just two weeks guys? Two weeks time! In fact it's two weeks tomorrow we have our Luana the big Galentine's night in. Join me Louisa and the rest of the team live in the evening. Please get your tickets just head to everythingluana.com It is a live stream So wherever you are in the world, you can join us. And if you're in Australia and it's at the wrong time for you, you can watch it on Catch Up. Yes. Right, let's muff hunt in now with some misheard lyrics from Katie. She says, hey, Luanamo, I have a misheard song lyrics. Me and my sister have a 17-month age gap and spent most of our childhood singing songs and making up dances to our dad's music.

2:50In the song, I Predict a Riot by the Kaiser Chiefs, instead of singing, I predict a riot, I predict a riot. my sister used to sing I am Richard Ryan I am Richard Ryan still unsure to this day who Richard Ryan is but always gives us a laugh and we don't ever sing the song normally anymore thanks for everything you do

3:11Anna Williamson:love Katie from Rugby I'd like to take a moment as well to thank all of our Lufanians that are constantly tagging us or DMing us misheard lyrics on Instagram and TikTok don't forget to follow us on TikTok and Instagram it's very funny oh can we just stop the front page We haven't had one of these for a while. New for 2026. First one in. The first one in. One of our favourite features. It divides some, but fuck you if you don't like it. Rate my fart. Yes. Yes. I'm excited. From Anonymous, so titty slot bucket. Oh, hang on. Should we do full disclosure? Yeah. Full disclosure, he or she says, I cannot take credit for this bowel movement.

3:50Anna Williamson:I was just walking back into the bedroom after doing the cum run to the toilet to him spread eagles on the bed, holding his phone in between his arse crack. He then sends me a voice note immediately saying that was a good one. And right there is true love. True. Come on now. Here we go. Listen to this. It's too good to miss. Da da da da da da.

4:21Oh.

4:25Anna Williamson:Strong ending. The end. It's the end. It got me. Oh, that was wet. Oh, that was wet. I don't understand how people's farts go on for so long. I would say that's good sphincter control, actually. Yeah, I think it's sphincter control. Very good sphincter control. Oh, now yours is gaping, babe. I just go...

4:45Right. Excellent. That was excellent. Thank you. I'm going to give that a strong nine out of ten.

4:50Anna Williamson:Did you see, one of the things that we were tagged in, which did really make me laugh, was, you know, we had snow a couple of weeks ago. someone up north had done this beautiful pan outside her bedroom window of her snowy and it was like when you're trying to capture a nice snowy scene and your husband she had the sound on and all you can hear in the background is like it just does the most enormous fart and he goes she is babe very good right Petty Polly from Stacey hi Luanamo love you guys so much this pod is really the best and have many but thought I have many stories I think she's about to say but I thought I'd send this one in for now thank you doll I have a Petty Polly despite my fella being a great guy.

5:27Anna Williamson:He really is the best, but he's useless at washing clothes. He mixes all his colours, so I do that job to save everything being ruined. That's fair enough. So when he has the audacity to moan at me at certain items not being washed or put away, I remember he has sensitive skin, therefore I can't use very nice smelling scent boosters. But what he doesn't know is that I have a big tub of them hidden in the back of a cupboard. So I'll grab a big scoop and chuck them in a wash of mine and the kids' clothes and just put one pair of his pants in. Then I take great joy knowing that any random day he will get an itchy ass crack on balls and then giggle to myself when he asked if I'd used any scent boosters or something new in the wash.

6:08Anna Williamson:And I put on my best concern slash poker face and reply with, no, babe, of course not. I know you've got reactions to them. He never suspects a thing. It's often all with all the items of clothing. It really makes me laugh seeing him scratching away at his bollocks. So mean. If he wants to irritate me, I'll irritate him. Literally. Piers, please know that this isn't actually an allergy that could potentially kill him. Good to know. I'm not that sadistic. He just gets red itchy skin for a few hours. Don't keep me a nod. Oh, she's brave. She's brave enough. She's brave. It's Stacey from Cheshire.

6:39Anna Williamson:Go on, Stacey. Right, we've got another voice note rant in next. So I'm a nod. So you're called Needle A. Needle A. Hi, girls. Happy New Year. Hi. live rant incoming. You know what really, really, really fucking pisses me off? When you're in a supermarket and you've gone in for something, decided you can't get the thing and just want to leave, but you can't possibly leave because you need a fucking receipt to get out of every fucking gate or door or anything. You have to scan a receipt. Have you had that? probably not in Dubai because there's no thieving fucking bastards which I get is the the point of it but oh my god just been in Morrison's and they didn't have the beef joint that I wanted so I've tried to leave can I leave?

7:36Anna Williamson:no because every fucking gate wants a bastard receipt ugh so annoying happy new year love you bye that's what Britain's come to guys you don't get that in Dubai darling definitely not need a receipt We've got a shit gift now from Anonymous. So Buster Hyman. That's a good one. Was that you? No. It's a good one. It's a good one. Hi, Luanna. Sending all the love to you three. Thanks for all the laughs. I have a little entry for shit gift, except it was actually me who left someone feeling disappointed. It was Christmas Day and myself and my partner were rushing to gather all the gifts for both his family and mine.

8:13I went down to the car and left my partner to grab the gifts for his family as that's where we were going first. Side note, both our mums are called Tracy. Anyway, we're giving an opening gift, so my partner's mum opens a beautiful Jane Malone candle from me. Delighted, she opens the present, thanks me, and gives it a good sniff. Then the penny drops. I did not buy that for her. I bought it for my mum, and my partner had got them mixed up like the typical fucking idiot he is. Mortified, I had to inform her that, no, that beautiful candle... You would have just bought another one. Oh, you would have...

8:46Oh, yeah. It's a bit tight. No, yeah. That beautiful candle was not actually for her, but for my mum. I ran out to the car to get her gift, and there she was, opening a pair of Primark slippers. Oh, no. The disappointment on her face was clear as day, and I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. Now we make sure we avoid mix-up at all costs and use different wrapping paper for different families. That's a good idea. Lots of love, Buster Hyman. Aww. That makes me sad. Why was her mum more worthy?

9:15Anna Williamson:Yeah, just buy them both. I always get my mum and my mother-in-law the same. They actually get the same gift most of the time. Creative of you. I bought my mum that sofa. I love that sofa. Yeah, that new little sofa. Gorgeous. Yeah, you can't, you can't. That's a bit me. Yeah, no, you have to do the same. Hey man, you hungry? Let's order delivery. Yeah. I was thinking. Italian. Burgers? Oh. Game night, just got tense. Two bros on different sides of the fence. Burgers or pasta tonight. Why can't we have food without the fact? With Wonder, you can combine 20 restaurants in one delivery, so no one has to settle.

10:01Anna Williamson:Use code MEALTIME for 50 % off your first Wonder order. Terms apply. See wonder.com slash new customer. Voice note Petty Polly from Holly. Hi, Luanna. This is my first time writing in, or voice noting in even. with a petty poly. My daughter, who is five years old, the light of my life and, you know, my sweetest child. No, she's not. She is going through a stage at the moment of being really, really, really difficult. Imo, I'm sorry if you can hear any background noise. It's the wind. I'm walking my dog. I am trying to do this as clearly as possible because I know it annoys you. so to get her back for being so difficult at the moment I dropped off at school this morning and she has this comfort blanket which she calls her yeah yeah and anyone who knows me will know this who I am by probably that statement and I got home and I thought I felt really annoyed still at her behaviour kicking off about nothing and everything as five-year-olds do.

11:16Anna Williamson:So, you know what I'm going to go and do today? I am going to go and wash her ya-ya which she absolutely hates me to do because it doesn't smell the same and I'm doing it purely, not because it needs a wash because it's actually quite clean, purely, purely to be petty. Poor little kid. Well, there you go. Shortly that'll backfire because she'll just be a bitch and then you'll have to deal with it. I mean, you're a brave mama. We have it. Both my kids have got a comforter, which stink. I've seen mine have several of the same, so I can wash them. Tried that. And then the bastard, they've got, oh, they've got the other ones.

11:49Anna Williamson:They don't touch those ones. The ratty, tatty ones that stink. I just always wash. Well. My one, when I was young, I had a hole in one. I called it originally, holy. And so I knew that was the favourite one. So they couldn't replace it because it had a hole in it. Oh, holy. Well, they could have just stuck a hole in. Elle has nicked. I still had my comfort rag, which is an old Beach Boys t-shirt from my older brother. And it's like, you know when cotton is so worn, it's like silk. That bad boy's been going 44 years because Elle's now got it. Do you let her have it? She's got it. Oh, my kids are not allowed to touch Ellie.

12:28Anna Williamson:No, Ellie is mine. I gave it her once because she missed me if I was doing an overnight. So I said, oh, you can have that. and then, oh, the kid's got four massive muslins and a bunny. It looks like she's carrying washing when she goes to bed. She's got so many. You know those massive, like, muslin squares? She has four of those, my old rag and her bunny, and she carries them all to bed like a massive ball. I know, it's quite cute, actually. Right, we've got a message from a nine. We called you Vic. Morning, girls. I'm messaging this on my cosy nest of a bed as my husband has just woken me up to ask me this important question.

13:06I just needed to send it in as an arse Luanna because your dirty sense of humour matches mine to a tea. So would you rather everyone, every time, I think it's every time you cough, a butt plug falls out of your trouser leg or dress or every time you sneeze, you go naked for three seconds. Enjoy mulling that one over. I certainly did at 7.30 on a Saturday on the first day of a potential lie-in after teaching for an eight-week term. Don't worry, not bitter with the husband at all. Love and giggles, Vic in Cheshire. So every time you cough, a butt plug falls out. That one. Or every time you sneeze, you go naked for three seconds.

13:47Butt plug. Because you could hide it. You can hide it more.

13:53Anna Williamson:Yeah, I don't cough that much. See, I don't sneeze that much. I'm going sneezing and naked just because I'm all about being nude. I think I'd do sneeze and naked. A little flash. I just feel that the butt plug would just be annoying. Like, on the floor. Although the sneeze would be quite funny because people would be like, and then they'd do like a double take and they'd be like, Well, three seconds actually is quite long. They think they'd go mad. Yeah, but you've got enough time to put your hand on your nose and your tits if you need to. One, two, three. Or you could just style it out and then they'd think they were just going mental.

14:24Anna Williamson:That they looked at you and you were naked and they looked back and you were in your skin. Very serious musings today. Very serious. Are we going naked? Yeah. Are we going naked? I want the butt plug. Time for some confessions. Yeah, I've never told anyone this, but hi ladies, love the part and are that jazz. Please keep me anon, this is still a secret to this day. Good, I like these juicy ones, peeps. I went on holiday back in the summer with my parents and my nana. Let's just say I have never been so mortified at what happened. For context, we were in a very cute little house with a shared bathroom between the five of us.

14:59Anna Williamson:Remember this for later. I went into the bathroom one morning, nothing out of the ordinary. But being stuck in a house full of family for a week with absolutely no escape for some alone time meant that the bathroom was the only place I was guaranteed some privacy. I hopped in the shower, did all my usual stuff, and all of a sudden something crossed my mind. Shower hose. And I'm not talking about the shower head. Oh no, I mean the actual hose attached to it. Feeling somewhat adventurous, I proceeded to unscrew the entire... Jesus, she's really going in. and proceeded to unscrew the entire shower head, exposing the hose underneath.

15:31Anna Williamson:Let's just say the water pressure was absolutely perfect and I had a very enjoyable few minutes. I'm sure by now you've figured out exactly what I'm talking about. Oh, we have. We were there at the beginning, babes. The bean was very much flicked. I then screwed the shower head back on, finished my shower and went about my day as usual. But that's not it. Later that day, my dad decides to take a shower in the shared bathroom. He comes out about five minutes later, complaining that there's water pouring out of the shower hose and that the rubber washer part from inside disappeared. It's not powerful.

16:03Anna Williamson:Doe, do you reckon? I immediately knew that this was down to me and my morning antics. But obviously I couldn't come clean. Oh no, she just busted. My family then had to use a broken shower with nothing but a trickle coming out of it for the rest of the holiday. All because I decided it was a fabulous idea to dismantle the entire shower just for a bloody orgasm. But yeah, my family have absolutely no idea how the shower suddenly broke to this day. Anyway, love the pod. Love you girls. Slay. Brilliant. Everyone loves a shower head wank. Brilliant. Next up, I've never told anyone this, but I've known about one of my friend's affairs for the last three years.

16:41She doesn't know that I know, but she's been sleeping with a man I work with for three years whilst in her own committed relationship. I've gone to her wedding watched her get married and continue in this happy marriage all while staying completely shtum and I really do regret it I wish I'd said something I know other people's business is other people's business and I've made my bed now but the knowing kills me oh I think it's not your life babe just stay shtum but obviously the bloke must be going around telling people then because how does she know she's working with the guy well juicy that is it for this week's Luana Totally Extra remember we will be back with your usual dose of Luana on Monday you can email us, our email is luana at everythingluana.com you can also drop us a whatsapp our brand new number, save it now we've even got a jingle now is 075 215 64640 075 215 64640

17:42Anna Williamson:oh we're good at that better, better, better that is it guys, don't forget as well If you haven't got your tickets yet, please do to our Luana, the Big Galentine's Night in February 13th. We will be live and proud. Live and kicking. Get your tickets from everythingluana.com. That would help. That's what she's meant to say. Meant to say that too. But yeah, we'll see you later. Bye. This has been a Global Player original production.