TOTALLY EXTRA: P*ssy Palace, The WORST First Kiss & Dad's liking Bonnie Blue

0:00Who says Halloween only lasts one day? With Wayfair, one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home. From larger-than-life yard decor and moody lighting, to festive accents for every room in the house, Wayfair has what you need to make Halloween feel like magic all in one place. Because the best Halloween memories aren't made in just one night. They're made all season long. Shop Halloween decor now at Wayfair.com. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Evening. Buyer's remorse. Buy a new car? I'll be moving in. Let's get started. Uh, sorry, I think there's been a mistake.

0:39I bought it from Carvana. You what? Yeah, great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it. So there's no... No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyer's rejoice? I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it. Buyer's rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana. Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our seven-day return policy at Corvana.com. This is a Global Player original podcast. Be warned, it's Luana. This podcast contains honest, upfront opinions, rants, bants and general explicit content. But, aloha! You know you love it. Good morning, you beautiful bastards. Welcome to Thursday.

1:19It's Luana, totally extra. I am, of course, Anna. She's Lu. The rest of the gang are here. and of course this is our extra episode. We're having a gang bang. We're having a ball. We're having a gang bang against the wall. We hope you can join us for some fun because we're gonna gang bang everyone. I love that song. It's an absolute Bobby Dazzler. It's a corker. It is. Listen, before we muff hunt in, please follow us on your favourite podcast platform, top right, press follow now and do subscribe on YouTube and hello if you're watching on YouTube. We love you very much and we'd like to welcome you to the fold.

2:00Welcome one and welcome all. Right, let's get stuck in with what you've got to say, guys. Right, kids do slash say the funniest things from Anonymous, so pussy galore. Top name. Hi, Luanna, ladies. I need to vent. You go, Babs. Hi. I've just been hauled in. Oh, God, this is always like my worst nightmare. I've just been hauled in to see the head teacher about my seven-year-old daughter. Turns out she and her little mates have been choreographing a dance to Lily Allen's Pussy Palace. Pussy Palace. Pussy Palace. Sorry to interrupt. We didn't talk about Lily Allen's like mic drop album. And it's a fucking bouter.

2:37And I've got a big level of respect for Lily Allen. Lily went for it. Now she goes on to say, before anyone faints, she genuinely thinks it's a song about cats. Full on meow. Oh, this is so sweet. Oh, the meowing. Full on meowing. Cat poor dance moves. Pussy palace. Pussy palace meow. Well, my nana, dead nana called my cat the pussy. She's like, how's your pussy? And like, obviously it was the lols every time she said it. Did she know what she was saying? No. Victoria nana, she'd be like, what do, what do? You know, you're like, not going there. They're doing cat poor dance moves and everything.

3:10They're loving it. Very innocent. The lyric, sex addict, in her world is exciting. Oh. So to her, it's all, it just reminds me of Elle, because she's in dance club at the moment. This is literally the kind of stuff Elle does. So to her, it's all totally innocent and frankly quite wholesome. I had absolutely no idea this was even happening until the school flagged it. Now, I've got a handful of other moms clutching their pearls and slagging me off. Oh, no. Slagging me off like I've personally DJed the playground, including one absolute Karen who's acting like I've corrupted the youth, side-eyeing me and screwing her lips up like a cat's ass.

3:45Well, she looks like a pussy herself. honestly I'm mortified annoyed and a little bit stunned at how fast the mum caught convened over a cat a kid's cat dance call me pussy galore fuck them fuck them you're amazing and do you know what if they can't see that then shame on them babes please um if you could send your daughter in as a cat yes that she now identifies as a cat that would be brilliant and get her a litter tray in the classroom I think that's a great idea uh we've got a voice note oh about first kiss from Amy hello loranimex i love the pod and all that jazz i have recorded this about three times now to make sure that it's clear enough for miss imogen rose leticia heart you are getting all the points i hope it is i have just listened to thursday's episode and you were asking for our first kiss first snog story yes we were so i have uh an interesting story i was in year seven and I kissed a boy who'd been my friend for many, many years called Jamie and he's no longer with us, which is sad.

4:54Oh, Jamie's dead. Not trying to speak ill of the dead. Oh, that's really sad. However, I think we were both very young and it was very awkward, shall we say. So we used to go behind the science block and behind the science block there was a hill with some bushes and we'd all sneak behind there to have a kiss. Anyway, so my first kiss with this guy, we started kissing and it felt slimy, which I was like, okay, maybe this is normal. I've never touched my tongue on somebody else's tongue before. Maybe that's normal. It's sluggy. But it was really, really slimy. And then, when the kiss finished and we pulled away, there was something in my mouth.

5:43Oh, no. Some kind of slimy substance in my mouth. Oh, no, please. Which I now realise, now that I'm older and have thought about it, was likely to be phlegm. Oh. So, I ate phlegm. That's vile. I didn't know what to do. I didn't spit it back out. Oh. I just swallowed it. She swallowed it. So, gag warning. Apologies, Anna. Love you all. Speak to you soon. My name's Amy from Kent. She just swallowed it. Why do we do that? Because she didn't know what it was. She was only young. Even as people, we sort of freeze in these moments and then we try and be polite to the other person. It's a very British thing to do, actually.

6:29I just had so many memories there of the 90s unlocked. And I don't know why. When she said science block, I remember that somebody threw a used condom up in the bush outside the science block. They'd obviously had a shag on the school premises and it was half filled with cum. And they threw it on the bush outside the science block. I just remember the joy. It was like a mecca. Everyone standing around this jolly. And then the caretaker had to come along with one of those, you know, the rubbish litter picker. And then like pick it off the bush. I always remember that. Brilliant. Miss Head Lyrics from Abby.

7:03She says, Hi, ladies. I was picking up my son from school the other day. I was listening to Radio 2 and the tribute show they were doing for Trevor Nelson. Oh, belter. On the show, he had a lovely tribute from Sade. Is it Sade? Sade, yeah. And I had a flashback to when I was a child and some misheard song lyrics. And of course, they played this song. Smooth operator. When I was little, I used to sing. Do whoop and data. Instead of smooth operator. Do whoop and data. No need to keep it on. I'm Abby from Fleet. Keep doing... Oh, great services at Fleet, Abby. Keep doing what you do, girls. Love the pod.

7:40Oh, we're back on the Binfluencer territory. There's good services down there at Fleet. Lou, this is why we're relatable. Because, you know, when I was used to do my dressage at the mats on the way to Nicky's, I used to stop at those services. Fleet is excellent. So is Beaconsfield. Very, very good Leon in there. Oh, I do like the Beaconsfield ones. We should do it. I like a subway. Do you know what? I've really gone off burritos since I've lived in Dubai. You've overdone it. I've overdosed on burritos. I've never been a fan. Oh, I love a burrito. Never been a fan. Just love a burrito. Oh, I'm a worry.

8:13Right. Voice note rant from Anonymous, so curly hayler. Hayer. Curly hayer. Curly hayer. Curly hayer. Oh, curly hair. Hello. I've not voice noted in for a while, but I do have a rant, and it's about you, Anna. Anna, you are a dirty, dirty fucker. You keep going on your Instagram stories, troughing something, lip smacking. It's making me feel ill. I might have to mute you, which I don't want to do because I'm a big fan. But stop talking with your mouth open, you dirty, dirty fucker. She's filled. Anyway, love you loads. Hope you're doing well. Bye. Do you know what? Do you know what? She would be the first person to call someone out for doing that.

8:57Oh, disgusting. They're eating on Instagram with their mouth or lip smacking. And I can see it. Oh, it's vile. And there she is doing it. You know what I need to call me now? Truffle. Call me Canna. Karen and Anna. Canna. I would like to personally apologise for my disgusting behaviour on Instagram. And I will do better. You're not going to stop. But I love that voice note. Thank you, babes. You're absolutely led. Who says Halloween only lasts one day? With Wayfair, one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home. From larger-than-life yard decor and moody lighting to festive accents for every room in the house, Wayfair has what you need to make Halloween feel like magic all in one place.

9:35Because the best Halloween memories aren't made in just one night. They're made all season long. Shop Halloween decor now at Wayfair.com. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Shit gift from Carly. Hi, Luanna and Imo. listening to your shit gifts and it's reminding me of one that my mother-in-law gave. She was notorious for giving shit gifts but the best one I ever got was a scouring pad. Brilliant. Helpful. Comes in handy. Yeah, well it also came in a pack of three. Oh my God. Oh my God, this is bad. Came in a pack of three but it was then split between my other two sister-in-laws.

10:12That's what she thinks of our daughter-in-law. So we all got one scouring pad. I think they're 90p for six in Audi at the moment so there you go. Needless to say I am now divorced and she is no longer my mother-in-law. Carly from Devon. Well, that's what you get. That's bad. That is bad. We've got a Petty Polly next from Anon. So we will call you Shirley. Shirley. I've been listening for a while. I've got a submission for Petty Polly. So if you can make me anonymous, that'd be great. I love that my producer, Rosie. I currently have a 10-month-old little girl, which is wonderful. But she's currently in the 10-month sleep regression, so it's been a bit hard.

10:53Not a thing. With me and my husband. So the past few nights, we've both been getting up multiple times a night and stuff like that. This morning, he was quiet. I think we've just both been a bit shitty with each other, you know, like when you've got the babies and you're sleeping and then you end up hating each other. And then when the babies sleep, you realise you actually love each other again. Yeah. So he went to work this morning and there was the whole slamming the door and all that business. All grumpy. so when my little girl went down for her first nap I got in bed with a packet of digestives and ate a more on his side of the bed so his side of the bed is all filled with crumbs from my digestives now so I can't wait till later when he lays in bed and kills the digestive crumbs strong Shirley, I think we need to gift you a spa day you sound like you've had enough she's done in we can relate to this That 10 month old's killing that woman.

11:52Yeah. She sounds like she's zombie. Yeah. Oh, I don't envy that. We'll do a whip round. I love the Petty Polly though. It was really good. I just love not having babies. Anything worse actually. I was with my friend Lucy the other day and we were at this school thing. It was actually really, I went to a school event, guys. It was in the desert. It was so cool. Like really cool school event. Nice. And anyway, we were walking in and Lucy's there with me and I don't know, some women's there with a baby, obviously I didn't pay much attention. And Lisa's going, oh, it's so cute. Then we walked off and I went, it's not cute though, is it?

12:27It's not cute. It's just annoying. They are cute. That's because you're broody. Look, my eggs are drying up now. Oh, babes, mine were dust a couple of years ago. I've got fried eggs now. I'm the poster girl for HRT. Yeah. I mean, I know what you mean though. I mean, I had a good AMH at one point, not anymore. That's it. Have you had it tested? Well, I just know. It's all dying. It's all shriveling up. We've got raisins in there. Raisins in there, babes. That's it for me. Do you know, I do look at... No good eggs in this body. Nothing's working in that. Oh, and I'm thrilled about it, to be honest.

13:02And if you had one now, it'd probably spit me twins. Yeah, it's true, actually. She'd have two. My God, I'd die. I couldn't think of anything worse, actually, than having twins. Message from Anonymous, so Chris, pack it. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. All right, Panto Lou. all right hi girls love the pod i just got really excited about our sleepover tonight by the way oh my god i'm so excited i've got my jammies i've got my wash bag i've got me maggie i'm all good to go for magazine i'm literally i'm living my best life honestly tenerife last week a couple days back with the fam now back at champneys i'm having a lovely old time right anyway sorry Chris, I just listened to this week's about the woman with the spooky loft.

13:46Oh, yes. We liked that. I thought I had to write it. This is the content I'm wanting. Yes. I moved into my place around two years ago. And there's this spooky door halfway up my wall. I've never explored it. I hear noises in my house regularly, which I'm completely fine with, but freaked me when I first moved. I don't get bad energy vibes. Yeah, I don't get bad energy vibes from whatever is in this house. though whatever energy is here hated my ex with weird things happening when he was here i.e. the projector coming on randomly weird loud bangs things falling when they shouldn't have he said he's seen a shadow of a woman on my staircase and he always didn't feel quite right in my flight oh she didn't like him she trusted the energy as he turned out to be a knob so guess whatever is here is quite happy with me and the dogs in the house photo of the room attached also a very old building right here we go here's the room oh so it literally is like a door halfway up a wall like where you'd sort of have a loft space it's just a door loft i've got one of those you have yeah i've never been in there either we should go in there shall we i sort of feel really tall with with the reno because i was a bit scared of our loft with like the little doll's house thing in there and everything i'm hoping that we've purged everything now because now it's all sort of new and well i did sage it and then everything went went so i'm sort of hoping when we move back in again you've got rid of guys yeah voice note from heather next all right my labs it's heather from leeds i am just responding to the runty brake light lady who gets annoyed when people keep the foot on the brake in traffic i've just reversed into my friend's driveway and i could see my lights in the reflection of the kitchen window so i reversed braked took my foot off the brake and my automatic handbrake was on, but my brake lights remained on and they remained on until I accelerated and set off again.

15:43So I don't know if this is just my model of car or all cars with an automatic handbrake, but to the ranty lady, it's out of my control. Nothing I can do. This created quite the stir on the WhatsApp. Do you remember the woman, she was moaning, why do you keep pressing on the brake? but everyone was saying but babe they're on whether or not you're brushing the brake on some of these modern cars. Depend of these cars yeah it's true. Oh I didn't know that. Depending on the model. Interesting. Okay right. At least we know what is floating about listeners. We've got a petty poly now from Manon so we called you Ligma Vaj.

16:23Excellent. Hey girls so quick petty poly that I did I can't stop laughing about it. My other half and I had an argument the other day about some old shit I can't even remember but I was furious after. So I thought, oh, I really need to do something to annoy him. So I went to the fridge, got his multi-pack of Kit Kats and broke every single one in half the opposite way to what they should be. I felt great after. Keep me in on. Call me Ligma Vance. I would be fuming with that. Brilliant. That's good. Who says Halloween only lasts one day? With Wayfair, one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home.

16:58From larger-than-life yard decor and moody lighting to festive accents for every room in the house. Wayfair has what you need to make Halloween feel like magic all in one place. Because the best Halloween memories aren't made in just one night. They're made all season long. Shop Halloween decor now at Wayfair.com. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Hey man, you hungry? Let's order delivery. Yeah, I was thinking... Italian. Burgers? Oh. Game night, just got tense. Two bros on different sides of the fence. Burgers or pasta tonight. Why can't we have food without the fact?

17:43With Wonder, you can combine 20 restaurants in one delivery, so no one has to settle. Use code MEALTIME for 50 % off your first Wonder order. Terms apply. See wonder.com slash new customer. Confessions now, I've never told anyone this, but... Hi, newish listener here. Welcome. Welcome one and welcome all. I found your podcast at the perfect time because I've recently needed someone to share my mortification with. Share away. This is why we're here, guys. Always share it with us, Luana, nobody else. Since Instagram updated its algorithm last year to show you what your friends have been liking. I didn't know this.

18:15Did you know this, Ems? Bex obviously did. She's nodding away, social media back. Luana and I don't know anything, do we? We're blissfully ignorant, though. It's in the Reels section. You have to click Friends at the top. I'm going to go and see what you're liking because we do send each other some very inappropriate reels. Do you know what? I see what you guys are liking all the time and it's hilarious and very on brand. Is it? Very on brand. Right, individual brands. Because you know, I have to check, you know, make sure you're not liking anything inappropriate. No, what about that one you sent me the other day with the kid that was puking in the church?

18:49I couldn't stop laughing. I had to watch that five times. It was, I'm going to send it. It's fine, I'll send it to you today. So this, it was literally... Some of what we like is not socially acceptable. It's not socially acceptable. But this was really funny. Basically, I just saw it come from my reels and it was like so much to unpack in one video. It's basically, let's just say, a school performance. I'm going to send it to Bex. I think it's a church performance. Is it church? It is quite simply phenomenal. It's amazing. You have to watch it five times to watch every single person in this video.

19:19I'll send it to you, Bex. Pop it on the socials. Lou and I, I knew you'd love it. I think I might have reposted it. Oh, did you? I don't know. I just thought it was brilliant. it was so funny so funny what are the weird things that we've liked just funny videos Anna likes a lot of like fart videos and stuff which is so on brand can I just say I love her I love that we didn't even know this but Bex basically like checks to see what we're engaging with I might start engaging with like no no just no no what you're doing no no this is so good anyway since Instagram I'm going no no no so yeah it's in the reels section you have to click friends at the top if you didn't realise, well, there you go, go and start what your mates are into.

20:00Back to that story we had on Monday about the Trump friend and everything. Maybe that would help make your decisions on what political views your friends have. My guilty pleasure has been to snoop. Being a bit nosy, there's nothing I like more than having a little scroll through and seeing what everybody has liked. Well, clearly, now that does Becca, she bloody loves it. You begin to get a nice idea of what the people you follow like. And quite often, given my friends have a similar sense of humour as me, I find things that I also find funny. The problem is, I'm not sure everyone got the memo about your likes being broadcast to your followers.

20:33And by everyone, I mean my dad. Oh my God. Almost daily, he is liking... Oh no. Oh no. Almost daily, he is liking thirst traps, which are obviously then served up to me with his like showing in the corner for all to see. I need to look at what my dad's liking. Oh my God, this is... Let's go on your dad's event. We need to look at what Andrew's stalker account is like. Oh, my God. To clarify, you can't actually see exactly the people. You have to, like, scroll through. It's like a real feed on Instagram. You can just see what people are engaging with. Oh, we can't be arsed for that. She's got a lot of time on her answers.

21:08She's got a lot of time. And she's gone in on this on her dad. So she says there's a common theme. It's usually women. Oh, my God, you'd be mortified. It's usually women waving their knickers at the camera or bouncing their boobies. But last week, it was a short promo clip of Bonnie Blue's latest video. I'm absolutely mortified to even think that my dad doesn't realise that we can all see this. I don't really want to have the conversation with him, but I almost feel bad for him. To make matters worse, I've seen my male cousin liking foot videos every day as well. She's gone so deep on the stalking of the family and friends.

21:51My God, so her cousin's liking feet porn. I know they say curiosity killed the cat, but this is a new level. They've absolutely ruined my nosy guilty pleasure. If you go searching for it, honey. Exactly. Is it me? Am I the problem? Should I stop being nosy? Don't seek what you won't like. Exactly. But that's so funny. Okay, so this person's written in. It says, following on from your conversation on first kisses and tongue action, I have a confession I'm a bit embarrassed to admit. after my first horrifying first kiss with a boy in primary school, which was all tongue, and made me also think, is this really what it's supposed to be like?

22:28I've never used tongue again. In fact, all my teenage years, I thought everyone was just lying about using tongue because surely it couldn't be enjoyable. All these years, I've never learned how to do it. When was I supposed to learn? I still wouldn't consider myself a bad kisser. There's a lot of passion when I make out with someone and I've never had anyone comment about me not using my tongue. Really? so that's my semi-embarrassing confession my question to you guys is do you think it's possible to be a good kisser without a tongue? yeah I do if you're a bit like smoochy you don't want too much tongue let's be honest like too much tongue is yucky yours sincerely a lady who's scared that she's been shit at kissing all these years please keep me in on and call me Seema Flats I think it's working for you babes don't worry about it no one's complained but if someone was a shit kisser would you complain to them or would you just like not kiss them again or would you put up with them I think you have to lead people so you gently like lead them by like you know popping your tongue in and saying you quite enjoyed a little bit of tongue in your kiss do my Ricky Gervais face again you would mention it I think it depends how far down the road you were if Alex didn't like snog me or back in the day and I'd gone like why aren't you fucking snogging me Like, what's this, like, guppy fish?

23:47Are you calling her a guppy fish? Yeah, she is. You're a guppy fish, according to Anna. Well, look, thank you. That is it for this week's Luana Toti Extra. We'll be back with your usual days of Luana on Monday. You can send your emails in, Luana at and everythingluana.com. Or you can WhatsApp us on 075 615 075 215 64640. Very good, Anna. It's not 6464. Yes, it is. And again, 07521564640. Right, see you Monday, bitches. Bye. Bye-bye. This has been a Global Player original production. Who says Halloween only lasts one day? With Wayfair, one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home. From larger-than-life yard decor and moody lighting to festive accents for every room in the house, Wayfair has what you need to make Halloween feel like magic all in one place.

24:48Because the best Halloween memories aren't made in just one night. They're made all season long. Shop Halloween decor now at Wayfair.com. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. From the people who brought you It's the Dog Park comes. Is that a new bump on your dog's neck? or is that bump just a part of his neck could be a bug bite or something way worse protect your dog from injury and illness with progressive pet insurance wait there's another bump right by the first bump progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates not available in all states or situations coverage subject to policy terms