In short
Luana and the hosts start with explicit banter about a fly in the studio, then Luana recounts making a high-protein salad with tuna and boiled eggs, only to discover a fly had been trapped in the foil and “laid” larvae/eggs; she didn’t eat it. They then do a blind taste test of Anya Hindmarch’s seasonal funny ice creams: mini cheddar (worst), rice-paper/yoghurt-like “mochi ball” (paper-y), soy sauce/salted-caramel style (mixed), and tonic caramel wafers/creme caramel (best).
Key claims
the mini cheddar flavor is a “dead ringer,” and the soy sauce one tastes sweet-salty then umami.
Guests
none; it’s a panel plus listener voice notes/confessions (e.g., Steve, Eileen, “Anonymous,” “Theo Cox,” “Mel Lester,” “Den Talfloss”). Notable examples include “cum tribute” stories, a “spider on the telly” voice note, petty polly rants (priority boarding, hotel breakfast lids), and a cruising confession involving a hunky man who may be a best mate’s dad.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VORanting About Flies
0:45 to 1:55
Discussion on the annoyance of flies and personal anecdotes.
“I'm going Geoffrey Darman on those flies.”
Cooking Disaster with Flies
1:55 to 3:55
A story about an unpleasant cooking experience involving flies.
“I got my little new potato, little Jersey Royals, made those all nice, cut them up.”
Morning Snog and Relationship Talk
3:55 to 5:50
Casual conversation about a morning kiss and relationship dynamics.
“Anyway, I don't know why I've made this all about me.”
Introducing Try Something Fun Segment
5:50 to 8:10
Introduction to a new segment involving taste testing ice cream.
“Oh, shit, my mic has fallen off my face.”
Tasting Unique Ice Cream Flavors
8:10 to 10:10
Hosts taste various quirky ice cream flavors and share reactions.
“But now you know it, can you not taste the mini cheddars?”
More Taste Tests and Reactions
10:10 to 12:30
Continuation of the ice cream taste test with laughter and surprises.
“Guys, can we also suggest this is something you might like to do at home or in the office.”
Listener Confessions and Stories
12:30 to 14:00
Listeners share their confessions and funny anecdotes.
“Back then, at least the photo was in a magazine, A perfectly sensible, wipeable, disposable tribute surface.”
Spider Encounter and Evacuation
14:00 to 15:17
A humorous recount of a spider incident and the subsequent panic it caused.
“Now, this spider must be pretty big for me to be able to see it.”
Petty Polly Confessions
15:17 to 16:42
Listeners share outrageous petty revenge stories, highlighting creativity and humor.
“You don't like noise in the back of the voice notes.”
Cleaner’s Revenge on Rude Client
16:42 to 18:01
A cleaner shares a story of revenge against a disrespectful client involving unsanitary actions.
“I had one now ex-client who was an absolute cow would open the door to me, not say anything, even hello and just walk off.”
Show all 17 chapters
Commuter Petty Pollies
18:01 to 19:39
A listener shares their frustrations with travel inconveniences and petty annoyances.
“This is Straight Man Fan, Steve calling.”
Hypothetical Relationship Curses
19:39 to 22:26
A fun discussion on hypothetical scenarios involving curses for an ideal partner.
“So would you rather slash hypothetical conundrum from Aaron?”
Jokes and Humor
22:26 to 22:56
The hosts engage with listener jokes, showcasing their light-hearted banter.
“With Wayfair, one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home.”
Confession of a Cruising Experience
22:59 to 24:50
A revealing confession about an unexpected encounter during a midnight stroll.
“not that far from Luana Towers in the UK, I went to a gay cruising area in a nearby forest.”
Heartfelt Listener Story
24:50 to 28:00
A listener shares a touching story about their sister, highlighting themes of loss and connection.
“Right, hey Lou Animo, it's Eileen from New York City.”
A Heartfelt Message of Grief and Gratitude
28:00 to 29:52
Listeners share emotional stories of loss and gratitude for the podcast's support.
“I hope this show gets read out and makes everyone laugh, especially because I know she would have loved this podcast.”
Encouraging Authenticity and Support
29:52 to 30:27
Hosts discuss the importance of authenticity and support in overcoming struggles.
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:02This is a global production.
0:04Anna Williamson:Be warned, it's Luana and this podcast contains honest, upfront opinions, rants, bants and general explicit content. But you know you love it. I like a wide guard. Oh my God. We need to know. And we plunge the Bourneville Boulevard. Oh! I have never heard that expression. Never heard that one. Wowzers.
0:36Anna Williamson:boom badabing it also contains a really rather annoying fly that has been flying around this podcast studio do you know what though I've got a really good new fly is anyone else inundated with flies yeah I've got like this really good zapper and it's like you can pick it up and kill them let's do that I mean I do feel bad killing them they're just trying to exist though aren't they I have absolutely no I am going to go Jeffrey Dahmer It's gone out the door. I'm going Geoffrey Darman on those flies. No, it heard you. It's just gone out. Good. Good riddance. We don't need you in our lives. See you later.
1:06Anna Williamson:No, do you know why I'm pissed off with flies? I made... They're just trying to live their life. No, actually, do you know what? I know this is normally... I'm going to step into your shoes for once, Lou, and I know we're not even ranting on this episode, but I am fucked off, right? Oh, here we go. With flies. Flies can go in the bin forever. Yeah. There is no good a fly can ever do. I made... What are flies for, though? Absolute bullshit. Do they help us with anything? No, I don't think they do. I tell you what they don't help with. Me and my bloody cooking. Sodding hot yesterday. You know how hot it's been?
1:32Anna Williamson:Dripping. I've got AC in my kitchen. Yeah, you're fine with that. Smug-o. But I love that. Good for you, babes. Truly. I said to Al, right, you know what? We need to eat some dinner tonight. I'm going to make a really nice salad nisoie, right? So I was like, and he was like, can you make it really high protein? He's all in his protein. So I was like, yeah, fine. So I made, and I'm in a really good one, girls. I boiled my eggs and the tuna. I done it all really nicely. Did you have proper tuna or Ken tinned? No, the tuna steaks. Oh, hi. I boiled the eggs. It's on it. I got my little new potato, little Jersey Royals, made those all nice, cut them up.
2:05Anna Williamson:Jersey Royals. We then put all the salad in, you know, and then I got the nice dressing. I made a really good bloody salad. I thought, yeah, a nice big pile of salad. I don't like tuna. So, got it in a big, you know, big bowl thing. Lots of hand action today. But the big bowl thing, right. A bowl? Yeah. Put some foil on it, right? Fly inside. Fucking fly. I suddenly heard this. Well, you trapped the fly in there. I suddenly heard this. You did the fly buffet like the other week from the girl. I suddenly heard this. That fly was dining. Yeah, you know. I suddenly heard this. Any of you ever heard a fly on foil?
2:36Anna Williamson:Kind of a bing, bing, bing, bing, bing on the foil? Well, realised, I picked that fucking foil up, didn't I? What did it say? Fucking fly eggs in my salad meat. Did you sleep it, though? No, I didn't. What? No, because it really icks me out. I made it Alex easy. I didn't tell Alex. Did you tell Alex? No. Did he not wonder why you were... There's like£10 worth of ingredients in there. So what did you eat? Well, I just picked some French bread and shit on the side. It really icked me out. It was a really nice salad. Did he not say to you, this is so nice, darling, why aren't you eating it? I said I'd eaten before with the kids.
3:09That is bad. Yeah. So you didn't want to eat the egg, the larvae.
3:15Anna Williamson:I picked it out, obviously, but then I'm like, I don't know how much this is prowling around my salad. Yeah, no, I thought that. We got the chrome. but I didn't know how much that bloody fly had been crap and I couldn't see because I'd also popped a little bit of So you were happy with Alex eating it though Yeah, because there was also a bit of feta and a bit of parmigiano in there and I was like, I can't detect now which are the fly eggs or not, so that was it, I was done I wasn't eating, I was so fucked off, I made a really nice dinner. Have you kissed Alex since? Yeah, I have actually Well then, you might as well have eaten We had a mini snog this morning In the morning?
3:44Anna Williamson:Oh, I know! I said goodbye and I was like I don't think we meant to but it sort of lingered a bit I was like, oh, we never do a morning snog. Well, a sort of semi. It was like a... It was like a little... Like a... Dipping. Yeah. An open mouth. A little open mouthy dipping. I was like, oh. Both brushed our teeth. It was quite nice. Look at me and Emma. We were like, I'm impressed. Anyway, I don't know why I've made this all about me. Shut up, Anna. It's about you guys. Right, this is about you guys. And of course, it is Luanna Tote Extra, where we bring you extra rants, extra chat, extra confessions, extra stories.
4:17It's all about you. please if you're following do press follow on wherever you're listening now it's normally in the top right and if you're watching on YouTube hi, subscribe now always wanted to say that
4:30Anna Williamson:right let's smash on in oh, Imo's brand new try something fun time go on look how happy she looks go on guys we're going to try something fun go on so we all know it's been hot it's the summer, it's been warm and I thought, let's bring something fun and try something new time. Love it. So I went, there's this artist, I think she's got an artist, called Anya Hindmarsh. Yeah. Anya Hindmarsh. Oh, I like that thing. Anya Hindmarsh, yeah. She does really funky bags. Yes. Like Heinz baked beans and stuff. Yes. Do you know what? I've not eaten for ages. I don't quite like a baked beans. A Jackie P with beans and cheese.
5:10Anyway. Right. Every summer, she does a range of funny flavoured ice creams. Does she? So I got on my bike. Stop it. Cycled up to old Anya Hindmarsh. You didn't. No. And bought some fun flavoured ice creams that you are going to blind taste test for us. Can we just say. How did you transport these today? In my cool bag. She's got a cool bag. With lots and lots and lots of ice boxes. Is it still freezing? I should have put it in my freezer. Well, I did put it in the freezer. I've just cut it out.
5:44Anna Williamson:Can we just take a moment to say Imogen, producer of the year, everybody. Actually doing some production for us. I mean, tell me a producer that gives their talent ice cream. Cycling as well. She cycled like Deliveroo. I did. On my little lime bike. Imogen, you little beauty. On a lime bike. She's even paid to rent the bike. Emma, who? She'll reimburse us.
6:08Oh, shit, my mic has fallen off my face.
6:11Anna Williamson:We'll have the invoice, Lou, at the end of July. so right this is exciting I'm going to get one out I'm in forgotten I don't know I'm in there you two are going to close your eyes and guess what flavour it is I'm so excited it's not fish though is it no none of them are fish are they from an actual shop that actual consumers can buy yeah the Anya Hindmarsh ice cream shop can I ask a favour if this really takes off I follow some lovely girl on Instagram that goes into Harrods and buys those really expensive like pastries and then taste test them. Could we maybe branch out into that? Yeah, if you want us to try stuff in the brand new Try Something Fun time, let us know.
6:52Anna Williamson:Let us know. Anyway. Yes, let us know what you want us to try. Close your eyes. Right, okay. So I'm not allowed to see. Okay, we'll start. How are you doing this? You can feed us. Close your eyes, I'm going to feed you. Okay, I'm not looking. I don't like things like that. I've got a spoon. I've got to tell you what the... I'm going to show the camera what it is. Do I have to share a spoon? Can you do me first? Yeah, I've got different spoons. Okay. You know you were saying the other week that we've become too sterile. Yeah, I know. I just forgot. Also, this is a really good opportunity. My eyes are still closed.
7:21Anna Williamson:If you're not subscribed and watching us on YouTube, you might want to do that now to actually see this. Okay. Can you give us a clue? Are they nice flavours or horrible? Also, Lou, I'm not cheating, so please don't cheat. It depends. I'm not opening my eyes. I promise I won't cheat for one. I'm not cheating. What, my mouth? Oh. It's ice cream. Don't tell me yet, Lou. don't tell me yet because you might influence my taste buds. Oh, no. You don't tell me. No. Open up. No. Get it in. I can't. Can I open my eyes? No. No. What flavour do you think that is? Weetabix. No. Think about it. It's dog food.
8:04Anna Williamson:It's not dog food. Now you've planted dog food, Lou. It's not nice. I'm just going to download it. Popcorn. It's not popcorn. I'm going to go like hops. It tasted like hops. Hops. Mini cheddars! Mini cheddars. That's disgusting. But now you know it, can you not taste the mini cheddars? Oh, for sure. No, it tastes... I don't like mini cheddars. Can I just say, that is an absolute dead ringer for a mini cheddar. Isn't that interesting? Doesn't it taste as bad when you know what it is? Have we run out of tissues? Yeah. I literally stuffed a whole load in your gob. There we go. Okay. That was number one.
8:38Anna Williamson:How much is that? We might need some bog roll. we have three more shall I get more tissues? I don't know, maybe yeah I think so because you just threw up on your table right, Louise has re-entered the room with a fly zapper with a fly zapper and kitchen roll we can also say, it's not a fly zapper, this is a tennis racket it's enormous it's so good though because it stands talking to you Mike it's so good, oh Crumble's here now too it's so good because it has a holder and it stands in the holder. Oh, this is good. Look, there is already a fly in there. Got all the gear, no idea. I don't want crumble to touch her.
9:18Are we ready for the next flavour? I don't know about this. I feel... Just take a nibble. Next spoon, different spoon.
9:27Anna Williamson:Look, Lou, we could have a real job. Oh, I think you might have an ear infection again. Open. Not that much. Right. Honey. Anna. Hmm. You're taking literally nothing. Tastes like paper. That's not as bad. What is in that? What is in it, though? Rice paper. What do we think? It's quite vanilla-y. Mochi ball. I'm going to go Mr. Whippy. No, I'm not. Bessie's Yorkshire pudding. That's quite nice. Yeah. I think it tastes like donut. I don't really like the paper in it, which I'm guessing is Yorkshire pudding. Guys, can we also suggest this is something you might like to do at home or in the office.
10:14Anna Williamson:It is actually really fun doing this. Just why not? Especially as we're all very hot and bothered at the moment. Close your eyes. Right, next one.
10:27I think hopefully you started with the worst one. That mini-channel one was grim. That was pretty rank. There you go. Mmm. Okay, good.
10:40Oh no It's soy sauce It's itzu It's soy sauce It's soy sauce Yeah it's like I bet it's an itzu collab Yeah soy sauce It's soy sauce Oh soy sauce You got it I liked it at first It's not terrible
10:55Anna Williamson:It's not bad It's not terrible It's because it's that sweet salty thing It's like salted caramel Yeah it was nice at first And then I didn't like the Sesame umami vibes That's not terrible to be fair Right last one Tastes a bit sort of beery at the end. That was it, right? No, it was one more. One more? I'm running out of water. Last one. Crumble water. It dries. Nick Emo's water. Crumbles like a must-been. Now you mention a bloody jack of potato, though. I'm really into that. Okay.
11:29This is the best. Oh. Oh, no, that's quite nice. That's the best one. I'm caramelly
11:38Anna Williamson:I'm gonna go it's creme caramel creme caramel yeah what she said oh tonic caramel wafers tonic caramel wafers that's the best one delish no that's really nice you started with the worst well yeah thought I'd warm you into it I like that I like that well done in there you go just for fun and I love that thank you very much anything to make existmen throw up. No, that Link Cheddar's was rank. That is rank, but go and give it a try, guys. Anya Hin March ice cream.
12:15Anna Williamson:Message from Anonymous. So, Theo Cox. Come on, Graham. Theo Cox. Yeah. Okay, hi, girls. Listening to Louisa talking about the old Laz Mag days and cum tributes had me crying laughing, but it made me think how things have evolved. Back then, at least the photo was in a magazine, A perfectly sensible, wipeable, disposable tribute surface. Very civilised. Fast forward to my own slightly unhinged, e-banging era. And I had a guy who was very enthusiastic about my arse and equally enthusiastic about sending photographic evidence of his appreciation. Now, I actually don't mind a personalised tribute.
12:53Anna Williamson:I've always found it quite flattering. But this man took it too far. His method? He would put my photo up on his iPad and then proceed to jizz directly onto the screen before taking a picture, or worse still, videoing it. All I could think about was, mate, the iPad. Forget me, forget the tribute, but what about the iPad? Very expensive. These things cost a fortune. Surely Apple didn't spend years developing cutting-edge touchscreen technology for this exact use. To make it matters worse, he was married. So while part of me was flattered with his cum tribute, another part of me couldn't stop thinking about his poor wife innocently picking up the family iPad later that evening.
13:26Anna Williamson:Love the pod, keep me a non, give me a fabulous made-up name. Done. Wow. I mean, I'm with you. I would just be thinking of the tech. So would I. Yeah. I do love a cum tribute though. We've got a voice note now from Anon. So Mel Lester. Oh, that's bad. Imogen. Sorry. Imogen. Sorry. She's not sorry. I like it. Just been watching the latest step. And whilst there was quite, you know, the serious conversation, I was heavily invested in whether or not Anna's six-year-old is a lesbian or not. something catches my eye and I'm thinking what's that what's that moving Imo's in the corner and I see something on the white door and I'm thinking what's that and it drops again oh no I then realize that there is a spider on Imo's door and she does not know that she's in this room with the spider and then I'm thinking well why doesn't she see it when she's looking why can't she see it on the screen and so then of course I'm saying Imo there's a spider on your door there's a spider on your door I'm shouting at the telly because I'm getting sweats the fact that you've got a spider on your door.
14:32It dropped again. Now, this spider must be pretty big for me to be able to see it. It dropped again. I'm thinking, oh, my God, she's going to see it. It was like watching a horror film. Arachnophobia. One second, child. They don't like noise on the back of the voice notes. So, anyway, I went closer to the telly to get a better look. Yeah. No, no, there was no spider on your door. There was a spider on my telly. An actual spider on my telly. so I have now evicted the bedroom. I don't want to be there. I may have to move house because I'm not sure where it's gone. Is it evicted or evacuated? I evacuated.
15:13That needs evicting. That's the one. Anyhoo, just thought I'd share with you that there was actually never a spider on your door. But it caused... Oh, no, now there's another one. Now there's another one. You don't like noise in the back of the voice notes. Yeah, anyway, no need to keep me a non. I'm Mel. Call me Molester. Can I just say just that?
15:36Anna Williamson:They don't want noise in the back of the vice notes. Well, she listens. Love that. I love that. Thank you for just giving us that stream of your consciousness. Brilliant. We've got another message in. It's a petty polly from a non. So Den Talfloss. Very creative. Thank you. Ladies, just had to write in to tell you about what is possibly, what is probably the most savage petty poly ever. This weekend, my partner was telling me about something a guy did on a building site years ago. A colleague had pissed this guy off multiple times and was in general a complete twat. Well, he obviously decided enough was enough and he shat in the kettle and toaster.
16:18Can you imagine filling the kettle up and seeing a float in there or we're still putting it straight on to boil? The smell. The toast has to be the worst though as you be on autopilot putting your toast in on your morning break looking forward to your hot buttery toast only to start smelling someone else's shit toasting away fucking savage and genius in equal amounts I hope this gave you a giggle thank you for everything you do ladies you are simply the best thank you thank you so much
16:44Anna Williamson:that's revolting there's a lot you can do that's wild and there's another one anonymous so Cam on my back brilliant hi girls I wanted to pop on with a petty poll I'm a cleaner and I do some quite nice houses in a posh area near me. Not on Champneys 2 level though. I had one now ex-client who was an absolute cow would open the door to me, not say anything, even hello and just walk off. So rude. Complain about the wildest things that weren't my fault and were because I was only allowed to use eco products that didn't work and just generally treat me like I was beneath her. No. No, that's not okay.
17:18Anna Williamson:She was the type of person who'd claim her child only ate organic food and quinoa. but Defo saw the new Mackie's toys in the playroom every week. That's such a giveaway. Anyway, one day I was cleaning her en suite and her friend popped round unannounced and she shut me in so her friend wouldn't know she had a cleaner. How rude. So I cleaned her kitchen sink with the cloths I cleaned the bathroom with. I didn't even feel bad after how she kept treating me. Enjoy your poo particle sink. Oh no. Obviously keep me anonymous. Give me a porn star name. I'd like to keep my lovely current clients. Love the pod and all that jazz.
17:55Anna Williamson:You see, don't ever piss off and speak rudely to people that you need help from. We should do it anyway. Right, we've got a voice note. Pessie Polly rants from Steve.
18:08Hello to Luanna. Hello. Imo. Bex. This is Straight Man Fan, Steve calling. Straight Man Fan. Voicing. Contacting you with a clear message. am i petty poly i travel quite a bit with work and across the uk and europe and i have two petty polly's in one first of all paying for priority boarding on budget airlines and then having to get onto the bus to go to the plane with the people who don't have non-priority absolutely pointless and does my head in i still pay the extra money for it for the one time we don't have to go on a bus to the plane but the minute I'm wasting money number two hotel breakfasts when the pans with the beans and the mushrooms and the scrambled eggs have the lids and a person next to you opens a lid to put their scrambled eggs on the plate shuts the lid moves to the mushrooms opens the lid puts the mushrooms on the plate closes the lid moves to the beans opens the lid puts the beans on a plate closes the lid for me to do exactly the same and then I carry on for the person to my left who then has to do the same as me.
19:25Why don't we leave the lids open? But we don't. Anyway, love listening, keep being you and God save Luanamo.
Read the full transcript
19:38Anna Williamson:I like that. Very, very relatable, petty pollies. Very good, Steve. Thank you. Right, here we go. Oh, right. So would you rather slash hypothetical conundrum from Aaron? Imagine you have the perfect husband or boyfriend. Kind, funny, good looking, helpful around the house, emotionally intelligent, great in bed for now and he genuinely makes you happy every single day. One sunny afternoon you're on a romantic walk through the woods when an actual witch pops out from behind a tree. This is a very strange message. She cackles and says, oh remember this is a hypothetical, I'm feeling very generous today.
20:15Anna Williamson:I'm going to curse your man with one of three curses forever. No take backs. You must choose just one or I'll make him disappear forever. Then she hits you with the options. Right, here we go, Leifanians. Here we go, team. Curse one. He will snore incredibly loudly every single night. The curse also prevents you from ever telling him about it and you must always sleep in the same bed. He sleeps like a baby and has no idea about his snoring. Thick earmuffs become your only saviour, but they're uncomfortable sometimes as snoring so unbelievably loud you still hear it. You'll still manage to fall asleep, but you'll often wake up in the mornings badly rested.
20:47Anna Williamson:Curse Two, so that's number one, snoring. His member becomes permanently skinny. The cock. Much long. The length stays however long it was before so that it's still functional for sex. Pencil dick. Yeah, but pencil dick. But he loses half of its girth. For him, though, his perception of his member remains the same size as it was before. It's impossible to notice any difference for him. And again, the curse forbids you from telling him about the decrease in size. Curse three. He develops a vomiting condition. Once per week, he'll vomit a large projectile amount at a random moment. It happens so fast, you can never prepare.
21:17Anna Williamson:and every time he vomits, he immediately forgets he has this condition. Again, it forbids you for telling him about it. So which one do you pick? Which curse for your otherwise perfect man? And do you think the relationship would survive? Curse three, for sure. What, you want him to throw up? Well, once a week, he can clean it up. Job done. Yeah, that's true. I was going to go for pencil dick. Well, hey, yeah. I'll just do pencil dick. Yeah, there's other ways to have sex. I'd take the pencil. Yeah, I don't want any smell of sick around my house. Well, what about... Baggy vag. Well, it doesn't make a difference for you either.
21:50Pencil dick. Pencil dick.
21:51Anna Williamson:Pencil dick is the when Lou's going for VOM. Thank you for that. I like a little hypothetical, would you rather? I like a wide girth. Oh, yay, we've got a joke from Sam. Go on. Hey, girls, I have a joke for you. What's better than eating a mandarin? Eating a mandarin. You've probably heard that one, but it makes me laugh every time I hear it from Sam. Yes, we love your jokes. Like send them in, the little one-liners. Love it. We also like the inappropriate, slightly un-PC or very un-PC ones. We like to sail close to a wind. Send those in too. Who says Halloween only lasts one day? With Wayfair, one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home.
22:33From larger-than-life yard decor and moody lighting to festive accents for every room in the house, Wayfair has what you need to make Halloween feel like magic all in one place. because the best Halloween memories aren't made in just one night. They're made all season long. Shop Halloween decor now at Wayfair.com. Wayfair, every style, every home.
22:55Anna Williamson:Time for some confessions now. Yep, I've never told anyone this, but first up a few years ago, not that far from Luana Towers in the UK, I went to a gay cruising area in a nearby forest. Now it was midnight. It was so pretty dark. and you can see shapes, which is the important thing. I was walking through the area when this hunky bloke, who I soon discovered was naked, literally dropped to his knees, shall we say, and had a good old time for about an hour. Oh, hello. Wow. I flipped him over and we plunged the Bourneville Boulevard. Oh!
23:29Anna Williamson:I have never heard that expression. Never heard that one. Wowzers. The Bourneville Boulevard. Love it. That's sexy. And we got pretty damn into it. No words ever got spoken, just very sexual actions. I could feel the guy's body and he was fit and very hung. We did the deed and he walked away after a quick thank you. I tidied myself up and also walked back to my car. Eventually, I started my car to go home. And as my... Oh, my God. I started my car to go home. And as my headlights came on, there was my best mate's dad's car in front of me. Oh. I had just shagged my best mate's dad. To be fair, he was pretty amazing.
24:13Anna Williamson:Thanks and love you both. I was just shooketh. I was like, this cannot be true. But then I was like, but what if it is true? I mean, the fact that they said it was a forest near us and I have an idea which forest it might be. Well, there's a couple. Epping. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. That's what I was thinking. Sure you go. To Epping Forest. It's not a million miles from us, isn't it? But so big, how would you know where to go? Well, I guess if you know, you know, right? We need to know. Wow. What a confession. I don't want to see your dad's car there, Lou, as I'm walking out. Jesus. Right, hey Lou Animo, it's Eileen from New York City.
24:56No need for a granny name since I already have one. There it is. It's fair. I've been wanting to write...
25:09Anna Williamson:I already have. You actually do. Come on, Eileen. Right, I've been wanting to write in for a while now as I've pretty much fully caught up on all episodes and knew this story was a perfect Luana share. Good girl. The following, I've never told anyone this, but has some ups and downs and it's a little long, but I promise it's worth it for a laugh. And as Anna would say, settle in, peeps. Years ago, I worked as an administrator at a physical therapy office. And when I decided to go back to school, my sister, Katie, her real name, she's cool with me sharing, was in need of a job at the same time.
25:43So I ended up training her within the various departments I covered, think insurance and referral coordination and billing stuff. Her and my vibes are really similar. She's five years older than me. So I knew my former co-workers and her would be a great fit. About a year into her working there, she was having some issues with her work laptop. So they brought in an IT specialist to fix the problem. He ended up taking the laptop home overnight and returned it the next day, letting her know it was all set. He was, however, quick to hand it over, which ended up making sense later. My sister started her shift, laptop was working normally, and she thought nothing of it when she opened the CD-ROM drive.
26:18Yes, this was well over 15 years ago. To put a disc in and found a porn DVD. Now, this was a pretty specific type of spicy interest featuring large black men with larger-bodied white women. A two-on-one situation. Promise, this context is important later. Oh my God, she called out as she saw the DVD in the same moment her co-worker did. The IT guy must have left it in there. Soon the whole office was gathered around her desk gasping, laughing and discussing how the guy seemed pretty chill and how they were shocked he made that mistake that he was into that kind of sex. Now, you may be starting to realise just how crazy that would have been for the IT guy to have done that.
27:02Maybe even feeling embarrassed that the whole office now knew that he watched porn on his client's work laptops. What you don't know is that my sister, a larger bodied white woman, exclusively dated black men. This was not the IT guy's porn. It was hers. She didn't have a DVD player, so she would bring her work laptop home for the night so that she could watch DVDs in the CD-ROM player and she realised the moment she opened the drive that morning that she had forgotten to take it out two nights prior. She also realised why the IT guy had made a quick hand-off when he returned the laptop and was deeply grateful that she could throw him under the bus in that moment.
27:42Side note, the laptop issues had nothing to do with the porn. It was a software issue, just needed updating. Her co-workers totally bought the quick-thinking story she concocted and she was somewhat quiet and reserved at work versus her lively personal life. And over the years, they all consistently laughed about that time the IT guy left his porn in her laptop. I hope this show gets read out and makes everyone laugh, especially because I know she would have loved this podcast. Heads up, in June 2019, oh, oh no. I'm so sorry. My older and only sister Katie ended her life and I cannot tell you what this podcast has gotten me through.
28:21I listen to you both while washing dishes late at night Or putting around my apartment when I miss her And can't sleep We live six hours apart so our chats were always due in strange hours I consistently fight the urge To call her to share the latest hysterical story Or petty poly or weirdo of the week Most importantly I want to thank you both For bringing so much attention To And sharing so many resources surrounding domestic violence As this was a huge factor Surrounding her death Every time you read a woman's plea for advice or help or perspective surrounding how the men in their lives are slowly but surely destroying them, I quietly ask my sister to help to give them the courage to leave.
28:58Oh, that's really sad. I know this story took a sad turn. But I had to thank you both for the levity. I love that you both knew I didn't know that one. You bring into the world and to reassure your listeners that there is always help and support for you. You are not alone in this world, even if you feel like you are. Whatever pain you're going through is valid and your life is worth living. the man in my sister's life pushed on every single energetic bruise and shame point that over time severed her connection to her joy light love and undeniable aliveness some might say this story was not mine to share however my sister loved to laugh and fart and be messy and loved it even more when others admitted just how gross we really all are so for my sister Katie with all her kinks quirks wits and loud cackles let's all continue to be our most authentic unapologetic chaotic selves and remember that you are not alone i love you please stay eileen from new york city also she says that woman who really dislikes that and all that jazz line can suck it i have trained in fossey dance for almost 20 years and chicago is the best musical in the world it certainly is
30:07Anna Williamson:and you know what thank you for keeping your lovely sister alive through us and through your memory she sounds like an absolute legend and just nothing else to say but thank you for that feedback and we will always continue to shine a light and a space for people to be safe and make those choices to get out of terrible relationships on that note at least she liked a lot of black dick while she was alive she clearly had a great sex life or a black lining remember we will be back with your usual toast I just sent her with you for god's sake on Monday you can email us at you can also drop us a whatsapp on 075 215 64640 please don't forget to follow subscribe rate follow subscribe you know what to do you little beauties thanks again love you all and enjoy the weather adios this has been a global production who says Halloween only lasts one day.
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31:49Anna Williamson:My champions, I have sold my chariot on Carvana. It was a lovely SUV, an inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it. Tonight, we feast An offer you can feast on. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply.
From the publisher
On this week's Totally Extra: Anna fed Alex fly eggs in a salad and said nothing, Imo debuts Try Something Fun Time with a blind ice cream tasting (sorry about the ASMR), someone sh*t in a kettle AND a toaster on a building site, a witch curse hypothetical, a man who met someone unexpected in a cruising forest at midnight, and Eileen from NYC has a beautiful yet raunchy tribute for her late sister.
It’s time to get TOTALLY EXTRA. Extra chat, extra rants, extra bants, extra stories, nonsense and more.
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