'Unless there’s a dead body in the bin. I’m not interested'

20:34Anna Williamson:Like a retirement village. Yes. Maybe that's the way forwards. Maybe that's what we should all be doing is just having communal bins. Anyway, in the bin, you put the stuff. Well, the bin is bottomless. So the bin never fills up. I don't know where it goes. it goes in and then I think there's some kind of conveyor belt that takes it away it's like a bin shoot into the do us a favour into the road do us a favour I'd quite like you to go and investigate would you like a video of my bin yeah I would actually I'd quite like to do this yes yeah I would actually live Louisa reports live from Dubai the bins so we don't have like bins we have to worry and it is separate you just you know and then my lovely housekeeper Lani she just puts it there she does whatever she does and we never have to worry about this because there's very efficient processes there.

21:25And it's another reason why I'm joyful about living in the sunshine, guys. Well, I mean... There's no rain. Well, actually, there is. It's rained quite a bit. Yeah, there's a lot of rain.

21:34Anna Williamson:But also, in a weird warped way, I mean, it's sort of what makes me proud to be British. Well, that's how fucked up you are. That we've brought bins into the mainstream. It's a very big topic. The minute you mention bins, oh, everyone's got an opinion on their bin. It just shouldn't be a topic, though. So you pay all this council tax and it should just be an efficient process when we're paying council tax that they don't overload society with it because what the fuck are we paying our council tax for? Well, no, but to be fair, the efficiency's on. It's just there's a lot of bins and a lot of bin fluencing needed to check the bins that go out.

22:10Anyway, can we talk about the fact that it's now March and to celebrate this, I have put lovely bars of daffs.

22:17Anna Williamson:Do you know something? I love March it just feels like we're moving in one pound from a car day I've been getting the same I get two little bunches this is two bunches two bunches of daffs two pounds worth of daffs yeah do you know what daffs remind me of dead nanny she used to love her little daffs it was like it always knew that spring was coming when you got your daffs out spring is springing and all my tulips are outside sprouting so that's brought joy joy that's brought joy I've just got a quick yeah well a kind of confession yeah to you and to your middle child, Indigo. Yeah. Because you know we, obviously you kindly gave Enzo the fish.

22:54Well, you know my mate Laura, I gave her Clemmie, she doesn't want them anymore. Does it? Because her son's bored of them now. Oh. I know. Oh no, well that's not okay. That's not good.

23:01Anna Williamson:I might now regret what I'm about to confess. Come on. Well, so let's just say the fish which I was reluctant to take, because I'm like, it's just another thing I have to think about and do. Big part of the family now. Well, Enzo's really taken to the fish, right? Do you want a second tank of your... No, I bloody do not want a second tank. However, we have had a couple of fishy deaths. Oh. We've had a couple of fishy deaths. Flush them down the toilet. Well, Enzo was quite upset, but I think it's quite good, you know, to teach the circle of life, you know, and he was quite sad. So we do every week, we do the fish clear out, which is in the bloody bathroom, and it's a pain in the arse.

23:38Anna Williamson:We have to take all of this crap out of this fish tank. All the stones. Clean the filter. It's so heavy. You're cleaning the filter, yeah? Oh, Lou, we do it properly. We have to. He has a checklist and he always refers back to what Indigo told him to do. Of course he did. His little twin. So anyway, I was like, but we can then go through the, he blamed me for the death of the fish because. The water. Well, I, maybe. You're not meant to replace all the water. You do know that, right? No, I didn't know that. You're meant to only take out parts of the water. And keep, and then top it up with half clean.

24:11Yeah, because if you replace all the water, it's shock for them. That's why they're dying. I mean, I put warm water in. No, no. Like, I don't put cold water in.

24:21Anna Williamson:No, no, you need to keep some of the old water. Oh, now you bloody tell me. Well, it's all right. So we had eight. So, like, say if you take them out and you put them in a big bit of Tupperware. Yeah, I've got the Tupperware you gave them to me still. And then, so keep that and then, like, another two sort of bits of Tupperware, like that size. So you've got about, like, half or, like, a quarter of the water. And then you can put fresh water. But you do need to keep the old water in there. And still put the bio thing in. Yeah, and then put that treatment in. Well, he, we, okay, thanks for that.

24:50Anna Williamson:So we had eight fish. Yeah. How many now? Well, then it went, you know, we have a little sieve thing and a little net thing. You know, we take them out, put them in the Tupperware, you know, and then we take all the bloody fish tank to the bathroom to then do all of that and everything. But it wasn't until we got there. He was taking them all out. And I said, I think we're missing a fish. And he's like, no, we're not. It'll be there. It'll be in the cave. Like, move things around. And I was like, pretty sure the fish isn't there. Like, I don't. he was like well where's the fish I was like well you know they're not supposed to last very long you know anyway so well when they went to the bathroom I was like well we've definitely only got seven fish and he's like it's your fault mummy he said because the last time we put them in you just chucked them back in he's like he puts them back in one at a time you're abusing the fish well I just sort of they were all in the top I thought it was just a bit easier just to shove them all in but he likes to do them painstakingly one at a time and then he does like a little off you go little fishy you know we have a little oh he really loves them oh he really loves it I'm just like, chuck them all in.

25:42Anna Williamson:Anyways, and then he was like, mummy, you did it. You probably hurt the fish when you like, maybe one of them hit the filter on the way in. Like you killed the fish. So anyway, I was like, well, I don't know where the fucking fish is. So I'm cleaning everything out. I was like, there's definitely only seven fish babes. I don't know where the last one's gone, but all his favorite fish were still there, which was good. And then it wasn't until I then took out all the stones and then got the hose out and then like tip the last bit out. It was just this half rotten fish just like sliding down the bath.

26:11Anna Williamson:Anyway, it's my new, honestly. Anyway, but then he saw the fish and I went, oh, there's the fish. He looked at me and his little eyes, his little milk bottle glasses and his eyes welled up with tears. Oh no. And he went, oh. And I was like, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. Like, it happens, you know, it happens. I know he was really sad about it. And I was like, it's okay. And he was, oh, stop, he's trying to help out the tree. And then I know he was really hot and then he went, oh, just make me cry now with him. and he was like, do you think, because he really believes in heaven because he goes to Catholic school, obviously, and everything.

26:41Anna Williamson:And he was like, so it's okay, he's gone to fishy heaven, hasn't he? And I was like, yeah, he has. And he's born with Nonna. And I was like, yeah, Nonna's looking after Alex's dad, looking after the fish. And then he got over it and he was like, it's okay, it's not my favourite fish. I think I'm okay with that one. Well, so I was like, fine, we're back. We've got the seven fish. Well, the days ago, so his favourite fish. That's because you keep changing all the water. Well, I need to clean them up. But they are, how old are they? I don't know, you tell me. I got them in the summer. How long did they last for?

27:11I think some fish can last for years. One of my goldfish lasts like three years. They're not goldfish, they're minnows, aren't they?

27:17Anna Williamson:They're tiny, they are really small. Like a little minnow or something. Like they're tiny, like the size of like half a finger. Well, I have got a fish story as well. Well, anyway, so his favourite bloody fish, so when this other fish snuffed it, he was like, at least I've still got 6 '7", and 6 '7", is his favourite fish, which is the biggest fish, and it's got, it's really pretty fish, actually. Six sevens dead. I can't fucking find six seven, can I? Oh no, six sevens died. Well, we're down to six. And I didn't say anything. And I thought, we're due to clean out the fish tank when I come home from here.

27:46Anna Williamson:And I did say to him, I said, where's six seven? He was like, I don't know. I haven't seen six seven for a few days. It's my favourite fish. Six sevens carp. And he was like, I think he might be in the cave. He often goes in the cave. Well, I had a little poke, didn't I? Six seven's not there. I was looking scouring around the bottom of the fish tank. That's a really nice one, six seven. I know, six seven, I think, snuffed it. and I'm going to have to find out and I am thinking now of doing the cleaning out the fish by myself and like finding 6-7 but I need to find 6-7 because he will be really upset about 6-7 snuffing it so I need to find 6-7 the fish a new one go to the fish shop well we're down to 6 now and like Laura doesn't want those ones anymore well she got a 6-7 doppelganger well no those ones are quite a bit small 6-7 was big well where did you get that from because I need to go and get another one Harlow well okay I do actually need to go and get this I'll give you the fish shop it was an independent fish shop bloody eyes welling up when this and that was his least favourite fish he really likes 6 '7".

28:36Anna Williamson:He does, it's his favourite bloody fish so I need to go and anyway so that's my update but don't tell Indigo that we're going from A to C Well you know I got Indigo more fish when we were in Dubai because the fake fish. Yeah and she kept begging and begging for a dog and I was like we're not getting a dog well of course I knew we were getting a dog because I'd ordered crumble and anyway and then so I still had to get the fish even though that I knew the next day I was getting a dog. But she likes her fish well no she doesn't like the fish got rid of the fish now oh she doesn't like the fish anymore well they all kept dying did I tell you why they kept dying because they dyed them yeah anyway so they kept dying and then she went I don't really like those fish it's not the same as the ones at home and then the tank broke oh no those are my fish now and the fish went green the fish tanks the filter broke because I bought it from some cheap Chinese mole Dragon Mart if any Dubai listeners listen they'll know what Dragon Mart is it's basically AliExpress or Alibaba but in mole format and it looks really good when you go and you're really excited and then you buy stuff and then you realise it's shit and you will never buy anything from there again.

29:38The one you've got us is really nice. I've kept that really nice by the way. Well anyway, so that went, that fish tank and then we just put the fish in the lake by our house and I figured well it'll be alright it's hot in Dubai and they're tropical so I just put them in the lake and then now she just loves crumble so luckily I haven't got any fish.

29:59Anna Williamson:Well I've got this massive issue guys and I'm going to have to report back as to what's going to happen because I've got a feeling that when I get the hose, you know, the bath hose out, I'm going to find 6-7, you know, sliding down that bath, you know, half, you know. Well, you need to update us. I will, I will. Let's crack on. It's time for... It's the Wreck-a-Serk-o, the Wreck-a-Serk-o, it's the Wreck-a-Serk-o. Right. That was tops. Who wants to go first? I will, I've come prepared. Hey! If you're watching on YouTube, hi guys. If you're listening, go and watch on YouTube and you can see what I'm talking about.

30:32This is a brilliant kitchen gadget. It is a grape cutter. I'd forgotten about this till I got home and I found it in my drawer. But you know like when you've got kids and you're not meant to feed whole grapes because they can cause trachy. Or even big blueberries actually. Yeah, and tomatoes and things. Cherry tomatoes. Anyway, this, you put the grape in and it cuts it into four perfect pieces. obviously it's from Amazon I love that not expensive and it's so quick and all that cutting you do by hand you don't need to just chump chump chump chump chump and actually without sounding like a bit lazy you get all sticky when you're having to keep cutting grapes and this is just so easy it just cuts the grapes for you not even into half into quarters and this is my recosheco I know we've got a lot of mums that listen to our pod and you're that is brilliant bored of cutting grapes not even mums like nursery workers Because a scot like that is a very, very good contraption.

31:30A couple of quid, Amazon. Saves lives, actually. You joke, it does. It does. No, it actually does. It's a life-saving tool that I bring to the pod for the Reco Seco.

31:40Anna Williamson:I love that. A grape cutter. I might buy one. Because even though my kids are nine and six, I still cut their grapes. And their cherry tomatoes. So I will get one of those. Thank you, Lou. There you go. That's a good one. That is my Reco Seco that I prepared for and brought a prop for. Well done. How proud of you. I'm proud of myself. Emma, do you want to go next? I'll go next. It's a TV show. Lovely. Again, how much, how do you find the time to watch so much? I don't understand. You do so much. You're playing netball. Just do. You're doing sexy dancing. You're reading books about feminism. Can we actually just take a moment?

32:16You're producing podcasts. You're editing. And then you're also watching so much telly. When do you sleep? Little and often.

32:25Anna Williamson:Just want to quickly say as well. You're dancing. If you haven't seen Emma's dancing, go on her Instagram. She's an absolute queen. Just want to say, love you. It's amazing. Go on, what's your record sec? It's a documentary. Oh, nice. I love a good doc. On the Beeb. Oh, is it called Liars, Predators? Yes, it is. I haven't watched it. I fell asleep and I'm desperate. Hang on, go on, go on. What is it? It's called Lover, Liar, Predator. Yes. It's about a wronging man, classic. Classic. Who basically... Why I'm a lesbian. was not very nice to multiple women and then they all got together and took him down.

33:05Anna Williamson:It's meant to be amazing. And it was, it's very powerful actually. So Liars. Liar, no, Lover, Liar, Predator. On BBC iPlayer? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's meant to be really good. I read an article about it. I haven't really enjoyed BBC iPlayer of recent times. I think it's really bloody up to its game. I'm just going to put it out there. thank God, because we all pay our TV licence for that shite, so it should be good. No, to be fair, I think some brilliant stuff on there. I really want to watch that and I tried to put it on and I fell asleep. Yeah. I'm looking for you. Not because it's not good, guys, because I was jet lagged.

33:37Anna Williamson:She's permanently tired. Thank you for that because I actually was wanting a new... I might watch it. It's only like one episode along the one long thing. Like a long feature length, I think. Yeah, but it's very good. Brilliant. I will watch that this weekend. Good. And my Reco Seco is a food I've gone for this week. um this i briefly mentioned this actually off mic to you guys the other day but i thought this was maybe quite a nice record actually comes from my husband who is very into obviously his nutrition and everything like that um and um upf everyone's talking about um you know processed food and the dangers around that and sausages bacon and ham and all of that have you know absolute proven links now to be linked to cancers and stuff like that.

34:20Anna Williamson:But let's be honest, we like them. I love nothing more than a hot dog or a burger, but we do, we love them. Our kids love them as well. So I don't like to ban them outright, even though I have to admit now, processed food is a hard number in my house as much as possible. Marks and Spencer's... You could use your Thermomix to make your own sausages. I could, but I haven't got time and can't be asked. So if you can't be asked, M &S have come up with their three ingredients or six ingredients brand thing. Range. Range, there you go, thank you. Which is clearly taken off because every time I try and go and order it on my Ocado shop, quite often it's out of stock.

34:57Anna Williamson:So if you can't, so the three ingredients, so essentially it's all of the shit and all of the crap and all of the bulking and all of the other sort of nonsense that goes into them being crappy and horrible has been taken out. So it's simple, it's just simply done. You're right, Lou, you could make your own burgers. Yeah, so the three ingredients, burgers we get for the kids. That only ingredients range. That only ingredients. Yeah, and it's really lovely. So like, for example, burgers, you're right, and sometimes I do make my own burgers. It's just mince, salt and pepper. But yeah, if she puts it up there, but it's basically, but if you can't be arsed and you don't have time to do it, you can get their, what's it called?

35:31Anna Williamson:The only, only ingredient. Yeah, only ingredients. So it's kind of simplified for what is typically quite processed food. So we get the three ingredients beef burgers and we get the six ingredients sausages. And they taste delicious. I don't think they're particularly expensive in comparison. So that's it for me, really. If you just want to try and have slightly more healthy, in inverted commas, if you love burgers and sausages. I mean, it's very easy to make your own burgers. It is, but I do think it's good that, you know, there is an option here if you're doing a daily shop. They do bread and everything.

36:03Anna Williamson:Yeah, it's a really nice brand. It's called Only Ingredients. Only three ingredients. I mean, look, just beef, sea salt and crab. Do you know what's concerning, though? is that like for years people have just been eating crap and it's not difficult to make I mean this is how if you made meatballs yourself I'm just looking at this it's literally just beef, sea salt and pepper like it's not hard to make that yourself it isn't hard but this is the problem this is why like everyone is overweight because okay not everyone that's a bit thingy but it's so like when we used to eat like back in the olden days and everything was homemade notably we had more time more mums didn't work processed food wasn't a thing we're so unhealthy nowadays because we're just eating stuff that's quick and convenient and it's so bad for us and it doesn't actually take that much time It doesn't.

37:04To cook like good food. It doesn't. It really, really doesn't. No, it doesn't.

37:07Anna Williamson:And it doesn't. And I think a lot of that's down to education and I think it's about kind of convenience. So we're a householder, say my husband, you know, there is no nothing processed gets in our house at all just because Alex is very passionate about food and nutrition. But I thought it was quite a nice hack because I also recognise that some people just don't know or don't have time or enjoy it or can't be arsed. So the only ingredients range from M &S, I think is a really nice switch. if you and your family like kind of burgers, sausages, kind of processed food, but done in a much more kind of sort of better way.

37:41Anna Williamson:So that's my recositions. This is what you'd hope you were eating though, like the burgers, beef, sea salt and cracked pepper. What else are they putting in it? Well, that's exactly it. If you go and look into all the different ingredients, a lot of convenience foods. Look, they do an oat drink, only three ingredients, water, oats and salt. It's a really lovely range and we love it. So hope you enjoy it. Best thing that's ever happened to you financially. Go. Easy. Sold my car on Carvana. Amazing offer. Really? I hit 200 on a scratcher. Did the scratcher come to your house and hand you a check?

38:12Anna Williamson:No. How many scratchers did you hit to get that? I hit a button on Carvana.com once. Okay, that's fair. It's like the lottery, except you always win. Not like the lottery at all, actually. Exactly. Inexplicably good. Offers worth bragging about. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply. Guys, we've got something really exciting to share with you now. You'll know in October we are doing another massive event. We've been planning it for ages. It's pretty much sold out. It is, of course, Luana, the big party. We are super excited, but we've got something to share with you. We are giving two people the chance to actually come and party with us.

38:52Yes, yes, we are. Not only to party with us, you can meet us, have a drink with us before the show kicks off. It's going to be the best, biggest, fattest party ever. So for your chance to win two tickets for you and a friend to the big party on Saturday, the 3rd of October, 2026, it's at the Troxy in London, gang. All you need to do is text PARTY to 82200. That's P-A-R-T-Y to 82200.

39:23Anna Williamson:So excited. But it's also going to add in an overnight stay at a London hotel. Fancy. bougie and we're also going to chuck in 150 pounds towards your travel costs as well so this really is going to be a day or night to remember on us yeah and there is an even lovelier part to all of this because by entering you will have the chance to make a voluntary five pound donation which will just easily be added to your phone bill a hundred percent of that donation goes to globals make some noise which is an amazing charity which does incredible work across the uk you've got until 5 p.m on friday the 27th of march to enter when you'll need to keep your phone handy gang because you might be getting that very exciting phone call hope it's you but you do have to enter of course if you want to be in with a chance standard network rates apply you must be 18 or over to enter for full t's and c's including the prize date restrictions visit makesomenoise.com win so what are you waiting for?

40:22Anna Williamson:Text PARTY P-A-R-T-Y to 82200 and we might be seeing you at the Troxy. Right, message from Sarah. Hello ladies, long time listener and I absolutely love the podcast. It gets me through my day to day. You are welcome babes. I've been listening to the recent pod where the mum joined the couple in their bed. Oh my god, that story. Made me die. Joined the couple in the bed for a spoon and it reminded me of a situation I got in with my ex. Oh god, not another one. I was at his one evening and we were going at it. All the lights were off and he was feeling very generous and went downtown. Downtown. Things will be great if you're downtown.

41:00Anna Williamson:I was loving it. I was having such a lovely time I almost didn't hear the knock on the bedroom door. He slowed down and flopped flat under the covers still between my legs and I pulled the blanket up under my arms and said hello. And in walks his dad home from work. Where's Bob? Fake name. He asked me. I replied oh I think he's downstairs I mean he bloody is I said bending my knee so he didn't see the shape of his son's head between my thighs his dad then stopped to have a chat with me about my day all the while his he kept on licking the nun all the while his son was slowly getting me off and I had to continue like nothing was wrong his dad finally left the room and my ex came up for air he must have been suffocating under there it was the most awkward yet very sexy moment of my life no need to keep me anonymous I'm proud of my sexy past I am Sarah Go on Sarah Yeah You dirty bitch I think I'm sort of Did you get a little tingle from that?

41:56Anna Williamson:I felt a bit naughty You're feeling a bit right Would you like that? She liked that Would you like that? No I wouldn't like it That'd be bloody awkward What if Alex was going down on you And then his mum walked in Oh god no I've gone cold I've gone cold Liz is trying to No Absolutely not Hard way Or your dad Stop Can't bring Papa Peter into this Right we've got a message from Anon so we've called you Deirdre Mavie Mavie Deirdre Mavie Any reason for this Imo? Dream of me Oh Deirdre Mavie Tenuous Hi Luanna and Imo I can't believe I'm writing this because I've listened to hundreds of your listeners messages over the years asking for advice never in my wildest dreams or nightmares did I think it would be me please help me and do settle in Here we go I'm 39 I've been with my husband, let's call him Mark, since we were 24.

42:49We've been married for eight years and we have three beautiful children, seven, five and one. We originally met at law school. We had a whirlwind romance, fell deeply in love as mid-20 year olds. Everyone thought Mark was the ideal man, ridiculously handsome, charming, kind, clever and funny. And he treated me like a queen. But my world was shattered one day when four years into our relationship, he broke the completely unexpected news that he wasn't sure if he loved me anymore. I was blindsided and shattered to the core. I never saw it coming and to make matters worse, we'd bought a flat together in London just four months before.

43:24He left our flat the same night and that was it. I spiralled into depression, went out every night of the week with any friend that would entertain me and got completely smashed four months. I rolled into work as a lawyer every morning after two hours sleep, probably still drunk, and tried to get through the day until I could go out again. I did anything and everything to escape being in the flat on my own. I couldn't face falling asleep alone in our bed, so I drank until I passed out. One day, I opened a credit card bill addressed to Mark, and let's just say the evidence was clear that he had, in fact, been cheating on me.

43:56I knew this before she'd even said it. I was devastated, confronted him, and he admitted it. He said he had an emotional affair with a PA at his law firm and that nothing physical had happened until after we broke up, but I didn't believe that. No, I wouldn't either. Over the next few months, I started to rebuild my life, and I planned to travel Asia for a while. At the same time, Mark started to contact me out the blue, telling me he'd made the biggest mistake of his life and he wanted me back. I guess the grass isn't always greener. Again, I was completely shocked. I had all these plans and I certainly wasn't going to let him walk back into my life when it suited him and pick me up where he left off.

44:31So as hard as it was, considering I still loved him, I told him to fuck off. I've always been proud of my strength in those moments. Over the next 18 months, I returned from travelling. Mark stayed in contact constantly and asked me repeatedly to give him another chance. I was having a whale of a time dating other men, but I eventually gave in and agreed to go on a date with Mark, just out of curiosity. He whined and dined me for the next year, sending me formal date invites each week, taking me to incredible places, trying to win me back. He continually talked about how he made the biggest mistake of his life and he couldn't live without me.

45:05I had never fallen out of love with him, so eventually we got back together. He was honest about what happened and we decided we would move past it and try again. And four months later, he proposed. We got married shortly after, age 31. From then on, I have managed to bury the past and never bring it up. I've always said to myself that if I constantly bring it up, for example, in arguments, it would destroy us. We have had an incredible last eight years, three gorgeous kids. We've moved to the countryside to our forever home. We both got great promotions at work and we really are living our dream.

45:39My friends and family all love Mark. They fawn over him constantly, how amazing he is. And I do agree. I couldn't be more in love. He's an incredible husband and father. And I trust him implicitly despite the past until. Oh, no. Last night, we were messaging late at night while he was on a work trip abroad, which is a regular occurrence. He said he was heading to bed soon. So I suggested a FaceTime. He agreed and we chatted whilst he was walking back to his hotel. He stopped outside the hotel and didn't go in, which I thought was strange and I mentioned. He just said he was leased signal in the lifts.

46:14That's quite plausible. I said it doesn't matter and in he went. Then he stopped outside his hotel room door and tried to say goodnight and end the call. Alarm bells started ringing and I just had this horrific gut feeling. I told him to go inside his room and he did with me still on FaceTime but kept the camera right up to his face. I told him he was acting strangely and his voice was panicked. I told him to turn the camera around the room and then there it was. I saw his eyes moving, gesturing to someone on the other side of the room to leave. My stomach dropped to the floor. I was quite literally in disbelief.

46:52The woman managed to scarper before he turned the camera around but when he did, I saw some of her possessions lying around the room. He admitted it straight away and said he'd done something terrible, as there was no way he could deny it. He said she was a PA for his client over there and that they had kissed a month before in the office during a drinks event. That had led to sex in his hotel room. He had then arranged to meet up with her again this trip and they'd had sex twice in his room that day. Oh, what a betrayal. This is so mean. What a betrayal. After chasing her for so long and her taking him back, see, they never change these cheats well well they can well let's see let's see he assured me that was the extent of it oh just that then just that just and it had never happened before we spent hours on the phone through the night me asking questions trying to get more information trying to process what was happening he said he'd already told this woman he wouldn't see her again and what since he just escaped the room and said that nothing like this would ever happen again he He said it was just sex, no relationship, no emotion.

47:57But if that's the case, why did he have sex with her on two separate occasions? He also said it was the first time anything like this had happened since he left me 10 years ago, which I think could be true, given he was such an amateur and dealing with it, bringing me into the room on FaceTime. All I could think was, I can't believe this is happening to me. So what do I do? 10 years ago, it was one thing. But now we're married and with three children, it's completely different. We've been through so much. our wedding, three kids, incredible births, one miscarriage, family trauma that we supported both of each other through, work lives that we've been there for each other for.

48:32Before this, I would have described us as a complete team in an incredible marriage with a fantastic relationship. Friends joke that we're so perfect. We also do have a great sex life together. We even regularly joke about how good our sex is. Our whole lives are completely intertwined. We are quite traditional and share finances completely. So literally don't have our own independent bank accounts. He now earns a significant amount of money after a huge promotion, which affords us a very good life. Because of this and because of the birth of our third child a year ago, I've dropped down to part time.

49:04And so now in a fraction of what he does in the past, it was quite equal. We saved hard and aim to retire together at 55. From a practical perspective, I can't stomach the thought of giving up everything I've worked so hard for and the life I thought I would have with him in exchange for separate homes and inevitably a much less comfortable time. Perhaps most importantly, I'm also still am head over heels in love with him. I desperately want to live our family life happy together, have the middle age and retirement we dreamed of. And I don't want our children to have to suffer coming from a broken home, which I did.

49:39On the other hand, thinking about what he has done sickens me to the core. All of my beautiful memories feel shattered and ruined. Our photos make me feel sick. To make matters worse, it's my 40th in three days. with a big dinner planned with all our friends, then another with my family the following week. I know this is not the big picture and not what matters right now, but facing everyone seems insurmountable. And so I don't know how on earth I will deal with it. I'm so angry he has done this to me and our children. And it's exactly what my dad did to my mom. And Mark knows that and the traumatic impact it's had on my whole life.

50:12I just don't know if I can forgive this time. And given it's now a repeated behavior, would I be stupid to think he wouldn't do it again? I almost wish I just didn't know. I don't know what to do. Please help me. I love you girls. Thank you. Oh, it's so sad.

50:28Anna Williamson:It's rare that a message genuinely makes me want to cry. Oh, that's so sad. The thing is, darling, he's, I mean, I do a lot of work around infidelity, you know, with my affair podcast as well. You know, cheaters can change. It's not, it isn't always, you know, black and white. But unfortunately, in the case of your husband, it doesn't sound as though that is something he's able to do for whatever reason. The fact is, look, relationships are built and thrive and survive on trust and transparency and honesty. And he has absolutely shattered your trust. He's a bit thick, isn't he? He's shattered it.

51:03If it was me, I would have gone. I would have gone in the lift, dropped the call, put my phone in aeroplane mode, gone up to the room, got rid of her and then called her from the room. Maybe he just thought that that would look really suspicious.

51:16Anna Williamson:and he didn't want to do that. But then obviously it's ended up happening anyway. Anyway, that's not by the by. The point is that you know this has happened. No, no, I'm with you. He's a bit like... But the thing is, I mean... Maybe he, in a way, though, wanted you to know and wanted to sort of come clean. I don't know. I mean, I think... It's a bit weird. I think he's clearly somebody that... The fact is your relationship, yes, of course, there are many. It's so complicated in some of these relationships because I don't doubt that you do have a loving relationship. I don't doubt that he probably does love you and loves your lifestyle.

51:47Anna Williamson:And there's so much good about your relationship. But the big gaping factor here, the elephant in the room is he hasn't shattered your trust. He's done it twice. He's done it twice. And I don't think you'll be able to ever fully be able to invest in your relationship and marriage now with full. I think I think everyone has an opportunity to redeem themselves. And I know it's so hard. I'm thinking if this was me, like, I just don't know how you. I think at this point, I think I wouldn't be able to trust. And I know with relationships, you can't get through. I don't think I would for the second time.

52:19I think if it was once, I'd try and, well, Andrew, don't listen to this. You can purge your way through it.

52:24Anna Williamson:You need to have complete honesty and transparency and you need to purge and go through that very difficult situation in order to be able to let it. I don't think I could let it go. You see, I think I'd keep bringing it up. But that's fine. And that's whenever I work with couples that are dealing with cheating, that's a really good point. Some people just can't forgive and forget. And therefore, the relationship, unfortunately, has to finish. But I always say, if you can and if you want to make this relationship work, you do have to purge. You do have to give all of the sordid details, if that's what the other partner needs to hear, in order to be able.

52:58Anna Williamson:Because often, if you don't know, because you can't, you know, like all of us, you can't move on unless you know it all, to then start to build up trust. And yes, it is very, very difficult. I have seen it happen. well majority not because you do have to keep building that trust keep checking in and if the moment you start in the situation start to feel hang on something feels off here she was right yeah she was and it's and it's then that partner's responsibility to prove them wrong and to you know and to keep not to not to bat it back and go it's you know it's on you what i'm really sad about is i really feel this relationship has unfortunately come to a point it unless look you have a choice you either put up with it and you get on with it but I don't think you'll be happy.

53:38The thing is as well what I'll say is I know that you've got like a lovely life and but honestly I just feel like if you're not happy and you're going to be second guessing everything why have a six bedroom house over a three bedroom house it's just not worth it it's just not worth that the logistics side a year type thing like it's just not because okay you'll be having a lovely comfortable life and he earns a lot of money and I just I would rather have it's like with my first husband we had like this six bedroom house and it was really I was so much happier in my little semi-detached four bed on my own with my daughter than that big six bedroom four-story house that we had together you know I was much happier with my little car that I had than the Range Rover that we had together I really really was and I think that actually when it comes down to it those things and those and yeah you do live a slightly different life when you when you end up separating and I did and equally he did as well because we had the business together but it I was just so much happier so much happier being in that smaller house with the lesser car and you know less disposable income i was happier in my little safe space i think knowing that that was just mine and what was in my life was was great and you weren't like i just think it doesn't long term all of that

55:07Anna Williamson:guff and that stuff it just doesn't make you happy and this is what exactly that and i and i get that it is obviously because we all get into routine systems and it sounds like your life is very comfortable and this is why it is so much good being comfortable if you're miserable is it exactly But that but that doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. And I think at the end of the day here, you need to perhaps, you know, maybe I'll leave you with a couple of questions to ponder over, you know, what, what will life be like if I stay? What will be like, life be like if I make that decision to go?

55:38Anna Williamson:And I think you have to put yourself in those two mindsets, because I think emotionally, you will really struggle to stay in this marriage. And I think it will end up eating away at you and you will end up becoming really quite anxious and it'll eat away and possibly, you know, bunny boilering. Where is he? Because the trust has gone. When trust has gone in a relationship, it is nigh on impossible to get that relationship back on track and have a fulfilled relationship. And I'm really sorry to give you that. Especially if his work is traveling a lot. This is it. Because every time he goes away for work, you are going to feel like I'm here with these kids and this baby, this one year old, and he's off traveling and who's in his hotel room and that you are not going to be able to get out your head.

56:20And unless his job significantly changes, that situation of him traveling is not going to change. It's like Andrew and I spend a lot of time apart and it never occurs to me what he's doing or who he's with or where he is. I mean, sometimes we'll go for like two days without physically speaking on the phone. But there's trust there. But I'm just cool with it. I just know like... There's trust there. Yeah, it just doesn't even occur to me. I just couldn't imagine having the relationship, mine is, where we both are in different places because of both our works and stuff and we are separate from each other like a decent amount of time.

56:57You know, we probably actually only spend about 70 % of our overall time together. you know and that 30 % thinking about oh where he is he's with what's he doing that would drive me it would eat to absolute insanity I couldn't live my life you can't and it's the same in my marriage

57:15Anna Williamson:as well and I say I mean there's many we're certainly not perfect my marriage but one thing we always say you know when we've ever clashed is I trust my husband implicitly and he trusts me implicitly and actually the trust we have when it comes to sort of infidelity and I travel a lot more than my husband does but I know for a fact he has never or would never even suggest or ever think that I was because I let's be honest I hang out with a lot of very attractive people and you know and but it's never ever once occurred but guess because I have not given him any reason to mistrust me but the minute that that that little that little chink goes into a relationship it's finished because you then it will chip away and it will chip away and chip away I feel really sorry for you and I don't know what the answer is here all I do know just from personal and professional experiences that this relationship will be very difficult to continue with his indiscretions now and i don't think it matters whether he's at home 24 7 or not i think he has something about him that obviously needs to scratch that itch and it's so and it's not on you it's not because there's anything wrong with you it's like infuriating for you like all of that effort that he put in and you were like happy living your life and then have given it like that's the double betrayal it's such a massive betrayal on like for you to have gone through that and kind of like picked yourself up and been going on your life and then he's like pursued you and pursued you and pursued you and then you've kind of given in to that and then he's fucking shut on you again it's a really shitty thing to do and I think that he'll you know as much as everybody likes to think he's perfect he's clearly not and he clearly doesn't value and respect you and also like he knew how that affected you first time around and her parents as well how that affected her as well yeah and he knew how awful that was the first time around for him to like unthinkingly do it again knowing how that might impact you and and some because you've now got kids and a marriage and it's a shit thing to do terrible it's a very very shit thing to do and i and i and also as well with that how he you know everyone else thinks he's perfect let me tell you i went out with someone a couple of couple of chaps before my actual husband and everyone thought he was perfect even now everyone goes oh but he was the perfect man i'm like yes because you saw that yeah you didn't see and actually there were some indiscretions that i found out that went on behind the scenes and that just goes to show it matters shit it's about you and your promotions we are here for you we feel really sorry please give us an update we will be thinking about you and do you know what whatever happens you're clearly a bright intelligent very strong lady and you can definitely cope on your own and what i will say as well is if you're unhappy, your children will know that.

59:55So you cannot stay in a relationship for the sake of the kids. No, you're quite right.

59:59Anna Williamson:Good luck. Message from Anonymous next, so Chalky Delight. Hi girls, I'm fairly new to the pod and you ladies have me hooked. Thank you. I spend my days driving around listening to old episodes and in the evenings I have you on YouTube. Hi everyone on YouTube! You're such losers. You really make me chuckle. Every story I hear, it makes me think of the absolute hilarious things that have happened to me. I have far too many good stories to share and I'm sure I'll write in with more but this is the one I'll start with I married young and I was in a domestic violent relationship and I managed to leave well done and then I was finally free at the time I had two young children and during my child free time I dabbled on the dating scene except I wasn't there to date I was there to be sexually free good for you felt so liberating after years of abuse anyway I met this cute guy we became friends with benefits and

1:00:52Anna Williamson:And he had a lovely Johnson emoji aubergine. It was circumcised. If you know, you know. We had done the deed a couple of times previously. And one evening he messaged and off I popped to get me some Dickens. You are a great writer. We had a beautiful couple of hours of glorious O's and all the positions going. I felt amazing. Afterwards, we lay having a lovely snuggle and the whole time we had been at it, it had been pitch black in the room. We were chatting away and then he casually says, my hands feel funny. I was like, what do you mean they feel funny? And he replied, well, they feel chalky.

1:01:29Anna Williamson:Chalky? Chalky, I said. And as he goes over to reach over to turn on the light, it suddenly dawned on me what it was. Absolutely mortified, I didn't have time to think of any excuse because any second I was about to be exposed. Sure enough, he turned the light on to discover a very chalky substance all over his hands, face and penis. What the F? he said. I nervously laughed. What is it? he asked. Well, because we had been having so much glorious sex recently, I ended up with thrush. Earlier that week, I got the well-known thrush treatment and bloody forgot that a few days prior, I'd shoved one of those tablets up me woo-woo.

1:02:12Anna Williamson:And there it was, ladies and gentlemen. rearing its ugly head all over my beautiful, circumcised friend with Benny's. I explained everything to him. We laughed, we showered and we shagged again. Hurrah! But after that night, I never went back with the are you free message that comes through. Oh no, I didn't want to ruin that moment. Me and my thrush treatment were a parting gift that he can forever treasure. Please keep me a nun because I don't know who else might be listening but you can call me Chalky Delight. Thanks, Lady. I thought that was going with, you know, the bum suppository. They're equally quiet.

1:02:46Anna Williamson:I thought maybe there was a bit of botty action. She farted or something and that came out. Oh, bless your heart. Send him more stories. And his Johnson. And his little Johnson. Getting a dick in some Johnson. You are brilliant. Oh, remember, if you want to get in touch, you can email us, Luanna. At everythingluanna.com. You can also drop us a WhatsApp on 07521564640. We're getting it. Catchy. Right, let's chat. Cheating emoji. More cheating chat. What do you want to talk about? I actually hadn't realised that I put this in the same episode as that message we had. Would you like to remove it or keep it in?

1:03:28Anna Williamson:No, we'll keep it in. Let's do it. Basically, I've seen a few things recently on the line and I thought I'd bring it to the pod. Have you farmed it? You scoffed, yeah. Oh God. Brace yourself. You won't smell it as loud. last year there was a clip floating around on social media from our favourite diary of a CEO from a lady called Natalie Dawson who basically there was a clip saying that she fired two of her employees for having an affair and they were like both had partners so they were both employees they both had partners and she found out they were having an affair together and she sacked them both normally in big corporates you sign a contract to say that you're not it's not allowed yeah i think so it is a far suckable can be yeah yeah um so that happened and then i also saw i was reading uh online an article about the ex-senator kirsten cinema i think that's her name who is being sued for allegedly breaking up a marriage because in i think it's north carolina i have written it down in north carolina it's one of the six states in America that allows people to sue the person their spouse cheated on them with in with the grounds of alienation of affection wow yeah so I just thought this was and there was another case in November um who I think it was actually like an influencer where a lady called Akira Montague was awarded 1.75 million dollars after accusing influencer Brene Montague of having an affair with her then husband and i just thought it was an interesting conversation to have like what do we consider as cheating is it ever okay for a cheater to face punishment outside of the relationship um and if so under what parameters i think it's really what ground rules i mean i say cheating is is something that i do a lot of you know outside of luanna as well and so i've heard literally every single bloody story under the sun somewhere you have deep empathy for some where you think well you're a bloody shit you know and you deserve what's coming at you i think for me i mean i think first of all infidelity cheating is just a hard no i'm yet to see anybody that hasn't been you know some party that hasn't been affected by it emotionally and the blast zone is wide you know cheating is constitutes many different things there's you know and i i know with my work in that that actually the majority anecdotally from what i've experienced professionally not me and my marriages uh marriages marriage um is emotional connection um is uh the reason worst i think well no it's it's it's emotional uh lacking of emotional connection within the marriage and the relationship that causes the that causes the is yeah cause it causes the actual affair yeah and actually statistically so just statistically um it's always been very very weighted in men versus women you know men majority cheating and that's been generational that's down to you know men have kind of been almost accepted that they you know that's what they do they have affairs but actually in recent times the statistics are now almost level pegging it is a slight majority men but actually it's I mean I'm this don't quote me on this but it's kind of like 45 55 men don't you think that men cheat uh because they just want a shag and I think that women cheat more because they're lacking like that emotion or they're looking for i think that women cheat less for sex is that just a stereotype it's it's quite stereotypical now but i think but i think it's a great it's a very good one to bring up and actually that that's kind of the reason why i started working in in in the affair world because what i see in the therapy room is actually not representative of the stigma that cheating and infidelity tends to carry which is which is which is that emotional connection does affect both men and women and I have seen quite an even balance of the reasons that have gone into affairs um women particularly though yes it does tend to be from what I've seen a lack of emotional connection but not always I've had many women that have come on that have just want that sexual release and want that connection and actually want to but actually want yeah but actually want to shut off their emotions and they just want that gratification yeah so there are so many different reasons but I think when it comes to these these stories so and i don't think cheating is ever okay but i think i do think there is definitely not one story for anybody so i think it's really interesting is is is what i think i think going after someone for compensation on it again much personally i'm not here for that whole i don't have to sue i was i was thinking about this and i was discussing with some friends and um they was because obviously suing culture in the uk isn't really isn't not like when you look at like defamation laws that's all done on like if it's defamatory if it can hurt someone's um what's it called reputation yeah and i think cheating could also do that but that didn't this happen though because you know the cold play the cold play cheaters but lots more recently has come out about that with the wife of the man um you know she did that whole kind of you know big statement you know and left him i believe but then i believe and i i need to look into this a bit more actually but then more stuff came out around that kind of defamation of character um and i don't know if there's any suing or anything that went on around that but there was a little bit more information that has that started to come to light about that situation than the shocking headline that we all saw um you know that that suggested that that relationship it possibly was already on the run you know and things and things like that so i think when it but that situation i felt really i mean i'm going to be perfectly honest i did jump on that bandwagon to kind of not to poke fun certainly not but to try and you know understand it but at the heart of that i just believe it's two families four families you know there's a lot of people involved and children and i do believe that shit needs to just play out in private and if you take umbrage with it and you want to go and sue your ex's arse off you go for it honey um would i do that i don't know i've not been in that situation personally don't think so wait do would it be like if andrew had an affair with like anna that i would sue anna yeah so what i've seen i think from interesting from it in the us yeah you sue the person who's coming into the relationship so you'd sue me which is interesting because it becomes I think traditionally it was a lot of like men suing other men for taking their wives but in these two cases it's been I think women suing other women for taking their husbands yeah but it just gets into a whole new ball game doesn't it around money defamation of character I mean personally I'm not here for all that I just think the infidelity and cheating is so bloody shitty and awful and crappy and it's really complex for most people involved in it But then I guess until you're in that situation yourself and how it's personally impacted you, like the Coldplay woman, for example, quite possibly she, if I was her, I would go, actually, my fucking face was over the entire world.

1:10:44Anna Williamson:Fuck you all. Uninvited. That was really bad. And if that did in any way, like ruin any of her career choices or chances, you know, I can see why you would then go, no, I want a bit of, I want a bit of payback for this. Imagine if you're like so, like such a private person though, and then like you're her and your fucking face is everywhere and you're trying to deal with that, like with your kids. I mean, it's like a nightmare. Absolutely. It's like awful. Absolutely. I imagine that when you go through a cheating situation, I obviously hear the, what's it called? The punishment, I guess, would be potentially monetary if you're going to sue them.

1:11:25Anna Williamson:but I imagine that most people the punishment you want for them is for them to feel how you feel and they're never gonna feel that can get no um no revenge I did I did hear one take on it um where a lady was saying how if a woman is in a relationship typically with like a straight man in a heterosexual relationship and in a relationship with a man and the man is cheating and potentially taking and not taking away her baby making years. She was like, if someone is sacrificing all of your baby making years. I've had many people like this. She thinks that is potentially grounds to be like, you should be able to see them.

1:12:09Anna Williamson:Oh, a compo. Because, yeah, because you've missed having a child. That happened to a friend of mine recently, actually, and she just turned 40. Yeah. she's like with this guy for like nearly all of her 30s and then thinking like your life's gonna go one way marriage and kids and then he turned out to be cheating and they've split up and she's like well now I'm fucking 40 like thanks mate could have just like it's so it's such a horrible thing to do to someone it is it is it's awful and do you know what there's no real you can't really make that better because at the end of the day you can't get back that time you can't no and I don't know what is the good in like pursuing like money or suing someone you know it just seems like you're just dragging out something horrible but to your point it's you want revenge yeah you've been hurt you want to you want to hit them as hard as you possibly can to get revenge and it's a perfectly reasonable feeling and I guess a lot of my work is trying to help people move through that and you know what you you are entitled to feel like dog shit and to feel fucked off and angry and vengeful and and all of that i just don't think there's any blanket solution to any of it but when it comes down to contractual and going back to that diary of a ceo being fired being fired for it well i think if you sign that then that's that like if they didn't force it then it just becomes like oh they won't do anything and then the culture that you don't want the reason why these big corporates have that especially is because it you know a lot of people do have relationships at work and you've got like loads of sections of that corporate and then this department's shagging that department and that's it you know it gets very very political and so they just want to avoid that and then if they find out that people are having an affair and they don't enforce that rule then what message does that give to everybody else so at least by sacking them they're saying this is what you sign up to this is what you've done and you knew this was the punishment you know like everyone's replaceable in any aspect of life and so actually to protect the company they have to enforce that rule in a situation like that because otherwise everyone will be doing it you know most people meet a lot of people do meet at work yeah i know people that are having relationships you know with someone at work and they have to keep it bloody on the down like people i know now because it's not allowed within their company it's interesting because i don't know anyone i mean i personally don't know anyone who has a call a clause in their contract that says they can't have a relationship within the company i think you have to declare it um yes or something especially if it's someone in your line of um management yeah yeah because there could be yeah power imbalance yeah yeah but favoritism again like going back to like that company if you're in a position of seniority and you start shagging a pa yeah yeah like that's like younger and then that is there's a lot of questions around that power balance power balance you know so they just do it to be like i've actually got a friend of mine who um sorry i'll shut up this minute but who this is happening to at the moment they um they're let's say they're a partner in a in a firm yeah one of their co-partners um has been having an affair with somebody else that's sort of one tier down but fairly high but like the cold play people actually it's not them it's not different um and they and then it became it became known it was then they've all then had to have meetings behind these people's backs to discuss it it's so disruptive in a working environment and both people have now left the company yeah they've been given a dignified exit we've chosen to leave the company but but they've been told to leave the company yeah interesting yeah interesting chat lots of cheating stuff and more to more deceit now A former teacher has twice pretended to be pregnant to claim maternity.

1:16:03So it's a former primary school teacher. She's currently serving a two-year jail sentence for harassment. She appeared in court recently where it's alleged she twice pretended to be pregnant to make claims for maternity. She's called, how do I say that name? How do you say that name? Ema. Ema. Ema. I think she's Irish. Or Sefin Co. Offley. County Offley. County Offley. was bought from custody. The judge described it as quite extraordinary. She basically claimed maternity benefit for two pregnancies that never occurred. So from the 7th of Jan, 2018 until February, so a year basically of 2019, she dishonestly made a gain through deception.

1:16:45Maternity benefit, she got about 12 ,500 euros. And then she did it again. It was alleged that in a further deception from 7th of Jan 2018 to Feb 19. She also made payments. Oh, wow. Gosh. She got nearly 47 ,000 euros in another claim. God, I didn't know if you could get that much. But anyway, she forged medical certificates. Yeah, I was going to say, how does she do this? Which was issued by this Dr. Hazel Fitzel. and it was submitted where she was working at the time and she claimed for maternity and the court heard that Carol, this lady, falsified documentation from three medical practitioners to support her application for maternity benefit.

1:17:35She pled guilty to this. I mean, how did there... There was never a baby. She claimed that she had two children, a girl named Emily and a boy named Aurum, when in fact she had no children. So she just absolutely made these kids up to get maternity. I just wonder what goes into someone's mind when they think,

1:17:56Anna Williamson:oh, do you know what? I'm just going to make this up and hope for the... I mean, you always get found out, I think. He said, like, there's been no claim for child benefit and then they kind of, whoever was suspicious, made inquiries. Oh, I see. And there was no birth, death, marriages or stillbirth that had been registered to this lady because they found out she was single. Then they searched her home, no evidence of another person, nothing related to any children, no bedrooms furnished. Gosh. And then, yeah, she basically... Got done. Got done for it. She got done for it. And she's now in prison.

1:18:29Anna Williamson:Bloody hell. I mean... I mean, that's wild. Two kids she made up. Just to try and get, you know, some cash. Yeah. Just to get some cash out of the government. I mean, it makes me... It's wild. You know, we all get maternity exemption, you know, for a year. Yeah. For NHS, for your prescriptions and stuff. I didn't realise that my maternity exemption had run out oh you frauded well so two months I thought my maternity exemption you know was still valid and it wasn't let me tell you they were fucking right I'm like oh yeah £150 fine yeah for each for each one yeah which I paid and I was like oh my god I'm really sorry like I genuinely didn't know my maternity exemption they were like yeah it has you know your time I didn't even know you got that everyone gets it yeah if you apply for it you have your little thing but the pharmacists were very trusting like have you got maternity this is ages ago when I was having a baby and I was like yeah I've got it but because they put it on your system but that's the thing I thought oh maybe they won't check I didn't know by the way well it's all in a system so they can bloody well see when the computer says the computer matches up she's been claiming yeah I pay£300 in fines really well that's good the government are actually doing something bloody right I'm telling you if you fake your maternity exemption don't because they will find you and they will find your heirs they will find you out Let's move on It's now time for It's the Widow of the Week Okay first weirdo is from Anon so we will call you Betty Hello you absolute queens Thanks babe Just letting you know about the little thing I like to do possible entry for weirdo of the week I know I must not be the only one but some people will probably think I'm a weirdo for doing this and loving it My favourite thing to do is rub my boyfriend's bellend between my fingers under the foreskin and get, oh, you minger, and get some of that lovely, stinky, sweaty knob cheese on my fingers and give it a good old sniff.

1:20:20A little smegma sniff.

1:20:22Anna Williamson:The dirtier the better. Archerie's finished a workout or a long day at work before he's shower. I love to give it a rub and sniff. It's the best smell. Go on, give it a go. Absolutely not. If I did that to my husband, I would be divorced. He just would refuse. Actually, Alex wouldn't even, he's very clean, Alex, but if he has had a workout and it's not perhaps as fresh, and he is like, no, I'm going to have a shower. That's revolting. I'd like to put that down for the annual weirdo of the week. We're into a new month now of weirdos. That's weird. Right, we've got another one in. So ovulation. Is it weird?

1:20:58Please give me the porn star. I'm not sure that it's a porn star name. It's not. It's more than ecological. It says, does anyone else do this or am I wrong? I just saw my ovulation jelly in my nicks and I had the urge to put it on my top lip.

1:21:11Anna Williamson:Why? I just wanted to feel it on there and smell it. Rather odeless, which was disappointing. Love the pod and all that. Jizz. It's like a glue dot when that little ovulation jelly is. It's like those little glue dots that you get. Who's weirder? Okay, I'm going to be honest. Sometimes that little ovulation jelly, it does fascinate me a little bit. And I have been known to scoop it out and have a little look. But then I do pop it on a bit of tissue and then down the loo. Like I wouldn't put it on my lip. No, I would not put it on my lip. Not a little moustache. I wouldn't do an ovulation jelly tash.

1:21:44Anna Williamson:So for me, it's... A little ovulation jelly lip gloss. Lip gloss, nice. It's got to be. Bellend. Smegma sniffer. I do think the bellend sniffing is weird, but I do quite like the smell of a guy after he's sweaty from the gym. Because you're married to Alex. Because there's pheromones. And I do sometimes quite like the smell of a sweaty ball sack. You do. So I actually do. So I can relate to that one. and the ovvy jelly is a bit grim for me. So we might have to let Imo be the decider. Oh, decider. It's a heat. She's obviously going for the cock. I'm going for the cock. She doesn't like penises.

1:22:19The knob juice.

1:22:20Anna Williamson:I think the smegma sniffer has to win. I think I could be a smegma sniffer. You think? Get in there. You actually probably could. Yeah, you like a little bit. I like a sweaty ball sack. I don't. Andrew's too clean to make some time. Give it a little wash. And then we can talk. Quite like that. Like, like, smeggy. Dirty. like sweaty a bit like ugh you like grimy sex yeah I do like grimy sex no I'm quite like dirty sex maybe I need to like lighten up yeah maybe I do I like being in a shower well it loses a bit of romance if you're always like trying to have a shower oh babes I've been in 11 years we both have right it's that time of the week where this bag is either in a chilled mood or she likes to have a little rant to offload what's it going to be Lou I'm going to have a ramp because you know I'm always travelling back and forth and I've got a gripe, unusually, with the UK government.

1:23:17So basically, when we land in a European country like France or wherever, Spain, they have a queue for EU. We're no longer EU, so we can't go in that queue. So as Brits with our non-EU passports now, we have to go in their everybody else queue, right? What fucks me off, okay, is that when you land in England, they don't do a line. And you know, when I go to Dubai, they've got like a Dubai queue for the Dubai people who are like, you know, nationals. Yeah, thank you. But in England, we don't fucking do that. We just still have the EU queue mixed with the British passport queue. And I don't think that's right.

1:24:03We should have, as Brits, a British national queue just for British people with British passports. Not a mixed bag. Not a mixed bag. You know, and the EU people should be made to go in the everyone else queue. Why do we still have these EU queues if you've got an EU passport? So we have here EU and British nationals mixed together and then everybody else like China, Russia, wherever you're fucking coming from, America, etc. But we shouldn't. We should have a Brit queue for Brit people. Because when we go and land in Spain, they're not mixing us into that EU queue.

1:24:39Anna Williamson:That's because we Brexited. So? We're not in it. So why have we got an EU queue? Because we're not fucking part of the EU. So why are we letting the EU people in our Brit queue? We should have a British queue for British people with British passports. Instead of making us wait with all the other fuckers when we're not with them anymore. We're on our own. we should have our own fucking queue. Fucks me off. I mean, what I would say... It just goes to show, again... As Brits, we love a queue. So, I mean, I think every Brit would bloody love a British queue. Well, we should have our own queue. We shouldn't be mixing with, like, everyone else.

1:25:14It makes our line longer. We should be prioritised. We've got British passports and we should have our own fucking queue. Right. Like they do when you go to America, they have an American passport queue.

1:25:24Anna Williamson:When you go to... When I go to the States, I really feel jealous of the American citizens that just whistle through. My friend deliberately has dual status. Her mum's American. Purely for the passport because she can then whiz straight through. And then you're in that bloody American queue for about an hour and a half. Every other country you go to, they look after their own people with those passports. We are the only country that don't do that. And it's the fucking state that we're in. We should have our own queue for our own bridge. That's where it needs to start. We've reached a new level.

1:25:58The uprising of like Brits looking after Brits should be now with our own fucking queue. So we need a queue. Because it pisses me off. So we need a queue. We get sent away from Spain. They're like, no, no, no, you got over there with everybody else. That's French, but you know what I mean. Yeah. It just fucks me off every time I come home. I'm like, fuck. I want my own queue. I want my own queue. That is the rant. We should have it though. We want our own queue. Like we are landing in our country with our own passports and we should have our own queue. We're not asking for a lot. I'm not asking for a lot.

1:26:25I just want a queue. Do you agree? probably don't because you're woke. What do you think? You probably don't agree with that. You'd think we should all be in the same mix. I'd quite like my own queue. You were like, it's the right thing to do. Every other country does it. So why don't we? I think logically,

1:26:42Anna Williamson:because we exited the EU, there should be a British queue. Because in Spain, there's Spain and the EU queue, and then there's all other countries queue. but they are in the EU. We are in the EU. We're not in it. We left. I'm confused. We Brexited. We're not in the EU. That's why we all get our passport stamped now. When I went to Tenors the other week, you get your own little... That's why you can't go and work in Spain without a visa. Because you're not part of the EU. We should have a British queue. I would quite like a queue with me Barry's and me Gary's, actually, just to whiz through with me kids.

1:27:22Anna Williamson:Kevin and Sheila. Yeah. To be fair, I don't... I mean, I've only been abroad a few times recently, but the queues have been very little when I've gone recently. Nine, ten and spanks. No, coming back to the UK. What about when you went to South Africa? Did they have a queue for the Africans? I can't remember, but I watched an entire netball match in that queue. It was long, over an hour. I will actually give you that. See, yeah, because the Africans, the South Africans aren't going to wait because they have a queue for their people of that country. But what I will say... It's fucking basic and it starts with this shit.

1:27:52Anna Williamson:Yeah, but what I will say is when I just flew back from Spain recently, they had like two people like in the Spanish side to do the passports with like there were like 20 desks and two people. What I will say for old Stanny, Stansted, we flew in to Stansted and every bastard desk was open. I have to admit, I haven't actually felt the wrath because I have passed through it quite quickly. But I can see the point. I can't just think anything that makes my life easier. Quite frankly, I'm here for. Exactly. Anyway, I just think it's basic and we should have that. Well, there we are. That is the rat.

1:28:20this week. If you agree with me or don't agree, I'd actually be interested to hear people's opinions. Am I right or am I wrong? What do you think?

1:28:27Anna Williamson:Someone that works in an airport in the UK, perhaps in immigration, perhaps you'd like to tell us about this. I don't know. I mean, I never wait that long. No, I have to admit. It's not even about waiting. I haven't had an issue with persons. I just think it's about doing the right thing. It's principle for you, Lou. It is actually. It's principle. No, it is actually the principle. It's principle, yeah. Because I have to say, I can't knock any of the recent UK airports I've landed in. they've all been pretty efficient actually with baggage I can't knock it but I'm just saying I want my own fucking cue that is it we're going to be back of course next Monday but we don't have to wait until then because on Thursday we have Luanna tell the extra we need you guys for that episode though so send in your emails of all your guff your stories your anecdotes maybe you'd like to have a right to reply about British cues send in your emails to Luanna at everythingluanna.com we would love you to get onto whatsapp and send a voice note but make sure it is clear and crisp thank you oh a little typed message the number is 075 215 64640 nailed it make sure you have followed our podcast it's very important isn't it Lou it is please share our pod with a friend as well if you're watching on YouTube send them a little clip your favourite moments share the love please give us a five star rating if you're not subscribed subscribe now on YouTube and we'll see you on Thursday

1:29:57This has been a Global Player original production.