We can't BELIEVE she said that on a work call!

0:02This is a global production. Be warned, it's Luana and this podcast contains honest, upfront opinions, rants, bants and general explicit content. But, you know, you love it.

0:13Anna Williamson:Everyone was muted and my camera was off as we sat through this work presentation about something dull and a complete waste of my time. I leant back in my chair, I yawned loudly and just got it out of my system. I wasn't muted though, girls, was I?

0:35Anna Williamson:Good morning. Welcome on to Thursday. It is Luanna Totally Extra. She's Lu. I'm Anna. And of course, every Thursday we are bringing you extra, extra rants, chats, confessions, extra stories, extra you. Before we muff on into your episode, please make sure, gang, that you are following us on your favourite podcast platform, top right-hand corner. It just takes a mere second. And if you're not already, please do join us and subscribe on YouTube. Now, Lou, why are we excited? Because it is Troxy in two days. We have got a very special surprise for all of you coming. Yes. Like literally buzzing. You will be pleased that you're there, let me tell you, because you are going to be the first people to know the next Luanna Secret before we reveal anything on socials.

1:22This is also your last chance to get your shout-outs in. Please do email them in. Luanna at everythingluanna.com. Do title it AM Troxie Shoutout if you're coming to the morning show or PM Troxie Shoutout if you're coming to the evening show. And we want shoutouts short and sweet, like I'm here with my mum Betty celebrating her 80th from Claire. That type of thing. Nothing, we don't want paragraphs. Unless it's a really good one. True. It's got to be a really good one. But mainly we just want quick shoutouts to give you a nod and a hello. And you can do a whoop whoop.

1:59Anna Williamson:So Luanna, the big party is literally now T minus ours. Right, let's muff out into your episode with a little voice note from Tanya, please, Lu. Okay, perfect. Tanya. And also Imogen Rose Hart is still quaffing her way through Greek wine, so we're having to produce ourselves. Bonjour. Right, Tanya. Hey, ladies, just a quick one. My name's Tanya. I work at a flower shop in South East London, as you can probably tell from the accent. Love it. two lads walking past the door today probably about 21, 22-ish and I heard one say oh, oh, she's fine like that and the other guy turned to him and said are you mad, bruv?

2:39she's a granny no, we're not, she's fit he went, you are proper mad she is a grandma and they just carried on walking they didn't know I overheard oh my gosh I was proper wetting my pants how funny I thought I'm 50 next month I was like yeah oh the Lord gives and the Lord takes away anyway girls take care

3:05Anna Williamson:oh you sound like such fun and you know what I say you're a fit granny the Lord gives and it takes right we've got a petty poly from Nicole hi Luanamo petty poly for you nothing too awful at all but something that gives me a teeny tiny bit of joy to my day whenever my husband F's me off We have had aircon fitted in our house this summer. Oh, you genius. We have it in the lounge, our bedroom and my husband's office. Fancy. Very nice. It's been a bloody godsend in the heatwave. When I say we have been having hot baths and wearing fluffy pyjamas to bed for the last few months, I'm not lying. I have been feeling smug.

3:44Anna Williamson:My husband, being the techie prick he is, was very, very pleased with the app that it comes with. So we can activate the aircon from our phones. You can just adjust it room by room. So if we're out and about, we can turn downstairs on via the app so the house is icy cold when we come in. Stunning. Very snazzy. Nice. So if I was feeling particularly petty that day and was in bed feeling nice and cold under the duvet with my upstairs aircon on and he was downstairs and it's a hot muggy evening, I would just switch the downstairs aircon off from my phone. Or if he came out of his office during the day and was the tiniest bit rude to me whilst I was tidying up the kid's shit for the 10 ,000th time, or if he left his plate on the side or even he just breathed in an irritating way when he went back to his office, I would switch that bad boy off.

4:31Anna Williamson:Absolutely petty, but knowing he was warming up and he just paid the best part of three grand to be cold this summer gives me a little bit of joy. No need for a granny name or a porn star. I'll wear this pettiness badge with honour for all wives that love their husbands, just want to fuck them off, just want to fuck them off for the fun of it. I'm Nicole from Essex. Love the pod and all that jazz. Brilliant. Love that. she's just like on the app like click off right we've got a voice note rant slash I said what I said from Nicole hi um this is my first time doing this and it feels a bit cringe but I'm just gonna go with it um because I've just thought of a I said what I said and it is oh my god I can't talk people who feel the need to publicly wish people happy birthday on Instagram stories or Facebook stories.

5:21I don't understand why you can't just message your friend and say, happy birthday, have a great day. I don't know why you've got to do like three or four posts about the person saying how amazing they are and all the things they're done for you. I do do that. On their birthday. You should just like say thanks all year round. You don't have to wait until their birthday. And I also really hate this people do with their kids. Like they go, oh, I'm so proud of like Lucy who starts year four today. She's not even on Instagram. Like, she doesn't know. And, like, who are you doing this for? I just think it's weird.

5:53I don't get it. You're not famous. And your friend's not famous. No one really cares. Just text her my birthday and that's enough. That's all he needs to do. Give him a call. Go, she's in person. I don't get it. So, yeah, that's me. Oh, and also, just in addition to this, I just thought there's two other parts of this that I really hate too. one being when someone's mentioned that the person reposts it on their story so it's like oh all my friends wish me a birthday they think all these things about me and then they repost it that's icky and also people who are like happy heavenly birthday to you they're dead they don't fucking know the person's dead they can't even see it like what are you doing it's just it's weird savage and maybe I'm a terrible person but that's what I think so and you know

6:39Anna Williamson:God bless you, Nikam. That was a great start for your first I Said What I Said. And baby girl, you said what you said. Thank you. That was extraordinary. Right, here we go. We've got a shit gift from Sarah. Hi, gals. Been listening to the pod during the evening dog walk and clean up, and it makes it seem so much less of a chore, so thank you. I was listening to the episode about the boy who made a Lego house, and it reminded me of a gift my husband, then boyfriend, gave me for Christmas one year. It was Christmas Day and he'd handed me a few presents, eagerly awaiting my reaction. I started opening a nice bottle of gin, a box of chocks.

7:17Then he handed me a little gift bag with a present inside. I unwrapped it to find a box of Ritz crackers. My reaction was, oh my God, I love those, thinking it was a great jokey gift. He just stared at me in disbelief. Then he said, keep going. And inside the gift bag was some tea bags, which I thought was sweet because I also love tea. maybe a self-care package was evolving but my husband kept staring at me as if he was waiting for me to unwrap another gift but there was no more do you really think I bought you crackers for Christmas? yes, I reply turns out he was trying to be really clever and bought clues for afternoon tea at the Ritz so an amazing gift but I was so happy with my Ritz crackers and tea bags that I totally missed it that's a really nice gift that's really cute we always laugh about that Christmas present and how happy I was with my box of crackers.

8:07And we're still together 20 years and growing strong, so this is a happy ending. Thought you might enjoy the story. I'm Sarah from Warwickshire. That's really thoughtful of him. Oh, that's really cute. Ritz and tea.

8:17Anna Williamson:Tea, and she's a really, really grateful person. What a nice relationship you guys have. Next up, Rachel has sent in a voice note. I'd like afternoon tea at the Ritz. Oh, I've been. It's really nice. Yeah, I think I might message Alex. Rachel Hey guys Love the pod Don't all that jizzle But just really quickly Wanted to let you know That I Came out of my Botox Prescription top up appointment And I was filling in My Details On the little form thingy And I put in my next of kin My husband And I wrote down his number And I started writing it down Which is 075 And I will not continue obviously he's not gonna want his number broadcast um i just realized i wrote down your number 075 215 64 64 yes it's got in people's head what an absolute wanker um so if anything goes wrong and my next of kin details uh i forget to kind of get them updated when i go and actually get my Botox done.

9:27I'm really sorry but it's me. I'm probably fine but if you could let my husband know that would be great. Anyway, thanks. Love you guys. Bye.

9:36Anna Williamson:You see, it's catchy. See, it's good we did the jingle. Yeah, I did when we went on holiday over the summer I got the kids to learn my phone number in our jingle because obviously if they get lost anywhere I want them to they'd learn plus four, four. I literally took that number and it does work. It's a good mum tip. It's a good mum tip. Right, joke from Rachel next. That is a good mum tip, by the way. That's why I did it. Do it on Recoseco next week. Okay, do it on Recoseco. I have a joke for you, which my late father used to love telling everyone, even though he didn't understand it. What do you call a box of fannies?

10:13Anna Williamson:Clitoris all sorts. He loved that joke. And one day I asked him if he knew what clitoris was, and he said no. So I had to explain it to him, and he said, oh, it's a man in a boat. and we couldn't stop laughing that's a cool memory of him I love it we've got Nicola slash Eulick McGee Eulick McGee Eulick McGee Hi Loanamo this is Nicola from Dublin love the pod and all that jizz if you want to give me a silly name you could call me Eulick McGee well Eulick is an old fashioned man's name, Irish man's name it's not really used anymore but I love it because it's so fucking stupid. And Guy obviously is slang for Fanny in Dublin.

11:00So Eulich McGee, I just think that's the best name ever. Anyway, I have a joke for you. So why does the Avon lady walk funny? Because her lipstick. I think that's really good. But like, yeah, I don't know. Anyway, thought I'd send it to you. And can I just say, I just love Louise's terrible Irish accent. She's married to an Irish man and she speaks like, she does the Irish accent like something off The Quiet Man it cracks me up every time as well as the god awful top of the morning do ya brutal but I love it

11:31Anna Williamson:brutal I love it savage but she loves it savage that is a good joke I'm going to use that why does the Avon lady walk funny because of her lipstick love it

11:45got a petty poly from a nun so cat treat morning Luanna I'm deep into Thursday podcast and I've just come across the bit where it was like the Petty Pollies please can you send in a video I um done a Petty Polly on my brother he was when we was younger I say younger it's probably like six years ago 25 um we was both living at home with our mum and he had the last of the coffee and the last of the milk fuming I'm a teacher I need that for the morning so I came downstairs um and as I've noticed that I've also noticed that there was cat food next to it so I I videoed myself putting a couple of pieces of cat food into his coffee for then him to drink it.

12:26And a week later, he was mentioning something to my mum about how he thinks that the kettle's gone off because he had loads of floaty bits in the cup of coffee. So I've actually got videos of this as well. So I'll send you the video of me putting it in behind his back. And then I'll send you another video of the conversation that he had with my mum and me about me telling him that I put the biscuits in his cup of coffee. But yes, that's a Petit Polly. One of many that I had. I grew up with six brothers. Oh, wow. So you could only imagine the amount of Petit Pollys and stuff that we've done to each other over the past.

13:05But yes, I will get them sent in for use. Love you. Bye.

13:09Anna Williamson:We did ask for video evidence of Petit Pollys just so we can have some squirreled away. So that is excellent. I'm sure Imo has got that. good one confessions I've never told anyone this but first up here is a recent confession for you that I would probably tell other people because having got over the mortification it's objectively funny but at this point in time I actually haven't told anyone but on Wednesday I was on a team's call with about 30 people everyone was muted why am I laughing already I don't even know what's going to happen everyone was muted and my camera was off as we sat through this work presentation about something dull and a complete waste of my time I leant back in my chair I yawned loudly and just got it out of my system.

13:48Anna Williamson:Fuck me, this is boring. Who cares? I said out loud. I wasn't muted though, girls, was I? Like an idiot. The presenter paused for a second and then just powered on. I've not been in the office since and I'm dreading it. Hopefully no one will know it was you if there was like 30 people. As her box lights up on the team's car. Yeah, because it would have brought her to the front. On the top it says so and so is speaking. Oh my God, that is classic. Right, next up. Hi Luanna, straight man. You can just imagine silence, pause, plough on in British style. Why are we? We just carry on. We really do keep on.

14:37The Brits just have this stoic. We just get on with it. We moan. We love moaning. We love queuing. But we just get on with it. I would say something. If I was presenting, I'd be like, I'm sorry, Claire.

14:51Anna Williamson:I just love the hilarity of being British. It's like with the country. It might be a shito, but it's our shito. Do you know what I mean? And it is that mentality, isn't it? It's like you can slag off your own mum, but nobody else can. Right. Hi, Luanna. Straight man fan here. I've never admitted this. I told my wife, I did a bit of boxing when we met to seem hard. I have never boxed. Our son is now seven and wants to follow in his dad's footsteps and start boxing. And my wife thinks daddy should teach him. I have been watching YouTube. I have been watching YouTube tutorials at 2am so I don't get exposed by my child.

15:32Love, Dean. I've never mentioned such a wife.

15:35Anna Williamson:I did a bit of boxing. So I can't. Well, I'll have to. Dean there is nothing more icky than you now YouTubing how to box for a seven year old kid and I love the confession mate listen you'll be fine just like I don't know watch Rocky watch Rocky 4 copy that oh my god that is brilliant thank you so much for all of your contributions this week if you are coming to the Troxie do get your shout outs in our email is luanna at everythingluanna.com and we will see you so soon. It will be so soon. Yeah, Luanna the big party. We are partying and we're obviously going to be back on Monday with the actual debrief of the night of all nights.

16:18And also, if you're not coming to Troxie and you don't want to miss out on the big announcement that we are doing for Troxie, then do go to everythingluanna.com and sign up to our subscriber list because as we announce at Troxie what we've got rumbling in the background, we are also going to send out an email to all of those subscribers. It's all very exciting. It's all kicking off. Anyway, byasyby, all the guff, our numbers 075 215 64640. Send us a voice note or a message and we will see you on Monday. This has been a Global Production.