Homeless, Not Hopeless: A Family's Fight for a Better Life

0:00If you've ever worked with someone who creates chaos, plays the victim, and blames everyone else, then this podcast is for you. So here's your host, Adam Holbrook.

0:19Welcome to the Managing Difficult People podcast. My name is Adam Holbrook. I'm here right outside Atlantic City with Gordon, Shanay, and Dale who are homeless. And I wanted to share their story with all my listeners today so we can become aware of the crisis that's happening throughout our country, gain awareness of maybe some things that we can do to help the homeless, or maybe today we'll get some inspiration toward how they can move their lives forward even a little bit and make them realize that they're just great people. I've been speaking to them briefly right now, and they're just so beautiful.

1:09And I know they're followers of Christ, and they deeply are passionate about everything they do. And they seem like they're in a good place, but they would like to be able to experience more throughout life. And I would like to introduce them and say hello. Hi, my name is Gordon. Hello, my name is Ayo. Hi, my name is Shanae. Now, can you share the story of how you became homeless? How we became homeless is from the passing of my brother. After that, my mom had a difficult time keeping up with bills and mourning her son. So it's hard to live in a place where you've woke up to your loved one gone.

2:03So we decided to leave that place and start anew. Little did we know starting anew would be so difficult. And how do you manage through your days? What does like a normal day look like? And where do you sleep? My normal day, I wake up, take my seizure medicine. And it depends. I either get ready for appointments, which is hard in itself because all our clothes are in bags in the back of the trunk. So I have to search for clothes, find a semi-private area to get ready. And after I get ready, go to my appointment, come back, and usually just play games until my fiancé gets off work and hopefully we'll have money to eat and then I'll go to sleep and start it all over the next day.

3:20Thank you. I would like to ask Gordon. Gordon, you work as a manager at Wendy's. How often do you work? Do you feel that you're able to leave your mother-in-law and fiancé? I mean, I don't feel comfortable, comfortable leaving. Mainly because my fiance, like she stated, she has seizures. And my mother-in-law's health condition. But knowing that I go to work so I can get a daily pay, so I can help support us at least for a day, it helps me get through the day. is the government providing any assistance to homeless people like yourself? They are, but if it makes sense, it's so underwrapped and tight-lipped.

4:16You have to go through toothy nails to find out about said programs. like before we got put out of our last temporary house situation I went to the mom work I guess I entered a housing lottery online I won it I was approved but by the time I reached the finish mark, my mom and my fiance ended up in the hospital and they wouldn't give us more time to fulfill what we needed to, to hopefully have that bright awakening door of a house and then this other program is yeah through landing care that in itself was a piece of work to get through but i'm finally getting somewhere i've just reached out to a realtor actually and and submitted all our applications.

5:39So hopefully God blesses us for the house. And question for you, what was your life like before you were homeless? And what do you miss most about it? Before being homeless, I would say I was, I knew about the world, but I didn't know how evil and nasty people could be. And if it makes sense, it felt like the world was safer, I guess because I had a house to go back to. And now that I don't have that house to go back to, it's just the world I don't want to be in. So before being homeless, my depression was manageable. My anxiety was manageable. I didn't have thoughts of harming a fly. That's all changed since being in the world.

6:51Yeah, I couldn't imagine what you're experiencing. and the three of you are sleeping in the car and you have been through so much. And it sounds like when you lost your son, everything just started. The money that you had saved, the money that you had all started going toward temporary housing. Can somebody talk about maybe your experience with how others are treating the three of you because you are homeless? would that, Dale, that would be great. We're treated like second class people. I really have never seen anything like it. And what's so sad about it is that I have seen homeless before. I had seen mental health and it just over power that what I see is that they're disregarded of human beings, you know, but there's nothing out there to give them what they need, you know, And they just need a little hand and stuff like that.

7:55And I'm not talking because I've been out there for almost three to four years. And these are not people that are drug addicts, alcoholics, or whatever. There are people that is in a situation. And they got put in a situation just like I did. If I had someone that could have been there for me, I might not have ended up where I am. but I haven't had no one and I'm still where I'm at. Do you have any family that is local? I have them, but the loss of my son, I don't know what they feel. You know what I'm saying? And, but I haven't got any sorts from them, from my family or even like friends. When I used to go to a church my church family no one reached out to really see what was going on or what could i do to help this person you know what i'm saying now like if it was me it would be different but they don't seem like when you become homeless or you're in

9:06economic situation to really like sit down and see what can we do or how can we help you that's all what it is you know like sometimes when i was um at wawa just sitting in the car you know and it would be like wow wouldn't it be nice if like a church family or someone made a meal because i would make them a meal you know what i'm saying you're home cooking so it's a lot and that's what hurts the most so what you're saying is we need to start getting back to why we're here instead of trying to we're as as americans we are chasing money we're chasing a life we're chasing what we think is happiness but in reality we are just putting these masks on and we're maybe even hiding away from not wanting to see what a lot of other people are going through.

10:06And that's what it is. We need to get back to the place where when I was a kid, where the neighbors all checked on one another, we were all very much helping one another. If a family needed something, we were able to step up. Right. It's just like you said, like if back in the day, your parents didn't have enough food, you could go to the neighbors and they're going to feed you. That's right. You know what I'm saying? I mean, it might not be steak or whatever, but you're going to get some food. Yeah. That's not today. But what happened? Because it seems like the homeless problem has erupted and it's so large now as opposed to even 10 years ago.

10:46How has that happened? Is it just because the economy has gotten so out of control and the prices are so high? Gordon has a job, but it's not enough to get a house and go to all the medical and meet all of those needs. Like, how? How has it gotten to this point? Well, that's a good question. And I think a lot of people put blinders on. They know it's there, but they don't want to face it for what it is. because in some situation that the homeless or people that don't have government and stuff, they see, but they ignore. It's because they don't want to get involved. And that's what it is. And that's where you have, they put out this program, but that's all a cover.

11:36Because at the end, it's not going to help you anyhow. Yeah. So you're really where you are. Now, one of the things that we talked about earlier is your struggle with mental health. And I've struggled with mental health my whole life. I was suicidal for a very long time and was going to drive my car off a cliff on Christmas Eve in 2005. I was chasing what I thought my version of success looked like. and I was failing. Everything was failing. And I'm going to drive my car off the cliff on that Christmas Eve, 2005. And my dad reached out to me that night and we were in a fight and we hadn't talked in a very long time.

12:17And that night he told me he loved me. He hadn't told me he loved me in years. And as much as I replay that day over and over, I knew God reached out to me through my dad's voice that night and saved my life. How do you have faith in God after what you have been through?

12:45I think because of my seizures and growing up epileptic, I've made my own little world in a sense. So I go into my own little private space, and I think the world is still this big comforting place where you could just, like you and my mom just said, knock on doors, say hi to everybody and anybody.

13:22Gordon and my mom seen it firsthand. The last seizure I had outside of his job, I'm a child again. I have no fear complex. There was a cop cruiser there with his canine in the car. And all I wanted to do was play with the canine. He was barking hysterically. But I'm back in my child's memory, and I want to go play with the dog. I'm not scared. So I feel like being back in that safe space, and now that I found a good church family, and I found, like, I'm not going to lie. I'm a spoiler. I go on TikTok daily. We have to exchange TikTok information. Yeah. So I watch Christian videos. I found this 52-day Bible verse book.

14:33It's a study Bible. And I've got one for me. And I've got one for my church sister, Ellie. and I just read it. I have the Bible app on my phone. What are, are you putting all your energy into hope or is there somewhere you would like to be able to take your life? I'm putting my faith into hope, but there is a destination in mine. Like, since being homeless, I've also got arrested for a charge I didn't even know I still had. I was working at the time as a bus aide, and I didn't know I still had the charge. They called me on the phone and said, you can't come back to work. I said, why? They sent me the email of my charges and I haven't been working since.

15:51And so far, it doesn't look like I can get back. Because of that one incident that happened. And number one, I need to stop you there because we are not our person that we are from that worst circumstance. You are not that person. You are not that person. Whatever happened, I don't need to know that. We are not that person. It's how we choose to move forward. And sometimes life kicks us down and it gives us challenges. But I do believe God gives us those challenges because he has a greater picture for us. Yeah, and that's what I've been focusing on is I know even though the human Shanae hurts and I yearn for, like I tell my mom and Gordon all the time, I just want that one magical seizure so I can go back with my brother.

16:55but I know what keeps me going what keeps me going is his kids my niece and nephew what keeps me going is my job and I was a special ed bus aide so I helped those kids doesn't it feel best when you're helping yes it doesn't matter if you are homeless you recognize that when you're helping somebody else, you feel best about yourself. Those were my kids. There's no wrong. They can bust my lip while I'm putting them in the seat. They're my babies. That's my responsibility. I'm here to help serve them. Yes. So, yeah, I may get, the flesh might get angry and upset, but you have to realize that's That's a child who has no control over what they're doing.

17:57What do you miss? What would an ideal world look like to you? What would an ideal world for Sinead look like? In an ideal world for me? No racism. No racism. know hey you can't be here because i seen you put that bottle over there but how do you know if it was me well why am i being casted out is it because i'm black is it because i'm homeless why tell me why we're all god's creatures yeah tell me why why do you have a problem that i'm homeless cleaning out a car so I can sleep tonight. What is your issue? So in my perfect world, I would take all those people out. So racism is gone. Anybody, any judgments?

18:54Yeah. And the thing is, these are judgments. I wonder what other issues they have, right? Because if somebody is judging you, there's a good chance that they're struggling with something themselves and with the person that they are, where they think that they have all of these items and they think that they are allowed to be this way, but they don't know your circumstances. But there is another side to it because we recognize a lot of homeless people that I speak with have been addicted to drugs and alcohol. And I think that is why sometimes people perceive judgments. people are scared to approach because they feel like, am I going to get hurt?

19:39And this is not me. This is things that I have heard. So I'd like you to speak into that. Yeah. I won't lie. I'm homeless. I'm not hopeless. But I am homeless. and the human side of me, I still fear other homeless people. Why? Because of the mental health. We're not treated for our mental health. We're not treated for addictions, as you said. So me being human, being out in the street with them, yes, I'm still scared. yes i'm going to lock a door but the other christian side of shanae that people don't see is hey sir i don't have much because we're both in the same shoes but i have 50 cents here you go yeah because you need help i need help i don't care if you're homeless and you pull up in a Rolls Royce.

20:54If you're sitting outside of Wawa or wherever you are, there's a reason. You're not bothering anybody, but being out in the world, it's like you already know why that person is sitting there. There's a few things that I know that you take the car and you have like a consistent place where you park the car to sleep. You feel like that's a safe place. Sometimes. Yeah, that's not an ideal safe place because there's other homeless around. And sometimes the cops get called and they run my mom's place. And for me, I also suffer with PTSD. So it brings back the night. because where I got arrested was the pathmark parking lot we used to sleep in that section and then we moved back to Dollar Tree so when I see a cop like I automatically shut down yeah I'm in protective mode but I also freeze in a sense because what if that calls for me?

22:20Shanae, you were arrested for sleeping in a parking lot? I was arrested. I was sleeping, but when, because my mom just got out of rehabilitation from being sick, and one of the nurses called the cops to come check on us, and they took our IDs. Ran our names. They ran my name. Came to the car, said I had a warrant. Didn't know what the warrant was about. And I was arrested. And I spent four days in there. Shanae, now when you're struggling with your mental health, what pulls you out? What kind of helps you when you're in that spot? It depends because if I'm so depressed to the point, like I said, I want to be with my brother, nothing but space and time.

23:29Space and time. Now, if it's a regular, say this podcast didn't go right and you said some words off camera and I took it to heart. I would get over it, but I'm going to text you, not in a nice Christian way, to express my feelings. Not to hurt anybody, but just to let you know, hey, we're both human. This is how I felt, and I'm letting you know how it hurt me. And then I take a deep breath and sleep it off. Yeah, Shanae, if I say anything that's offensive, please let everyone know because I don't want to offend you at all. No, I was just saying. Yeah, right, hypothetically, right. I got a question for Gordon.

24:29Gordon, you go over to Wendy's and you work there. I got a question, and I always thought that if you're homeless, you couldn't get a job unless you had an address. Is that the case, or is that that's not because they just hand you a check at the end of the week, or how does that work? I always thought, like, on the application, you have to put your address. Or if you don't feel comfortable answering that. No, that's okay, because when I first started at Wendy's, it was actually the Bristol Wendy's. I had a priest out there, but then when I moved out here, I had the address that we were staying at before.

25:07Mom sold the trailer. So like the address was still there and then we got a P.O. box. Got it. That works. So it's still an address. And check wise, we don't get check, it's direct deposit, so that kind of helps. What do you like most about your job?

25:31I don't know how to take that. I would say some of the people I work with, some of the customers that grown to know me. I'm really a people person, like great customer service. I've always excelled in any job I've got. So I guess that's one thing that I do love about my job is the interactions with some customers and some employees that I groom. Some of them are kind of like my family now. I love it. I love it. And to both Shanae and Dale, how do you stay connected to other people? because I know that in a world that is so cruel sometimes, but we recognize when we connect, even today, I'm feeling like amazing right now.

26:25I feel like I'm so connected to you and I recognize that helps me. How do you connect? It's because of the person. It's because of the person that you're connecting with. I mean, even though you might interact with someone, but you're not connecting, you know, it's a disconnect, you know. But how do you find those people? How do you have those? They normally let you know. It's just like the church I go to. When I go there, they connect with you. Now, it's up to you to let them in and connect and have that feel good. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So you can connect it. Even if it's like, hello, how you doing?

27:01But it's connected because you feel that love. Interact. Yeah, that interacts. It's not like if you meet someone and they're very, hmm, chill out. Like, really? You know? So you know you're not getting a connection. So you just go on. You know what I'm saying? And then you try. And then it'll boil down to really what it is. They don't want to connect with you. So you let it go. What are your skills? Would you like to work again? Probably not. No. Okay. No. yeah I mean if I do I would like to do something to help someone ah isn't that amazing it's like you guys got to listen to this like you guys are homeless you guys are struggling day to day and what do you want to do you want to help yeah yeah in the homeless and mental health because like I said it's all new to me but I've been out there to know if you could just give a little bit of even words it doesn't have to be like money or whatever but just the encouragement or something that would go so far so i would like to do that i'm so i'm so proud of you i really am feeding the homeless or something you know just giving back what would you say do does anyone of any one of you struggle with either alcohol or addiction to substances, drugs, or anything.

28:31No. And I think that you are the minority in saying that. Is that a fair assessment or no? Yeah, because that's how they look at us anyhow. Yeah, they look at us. I mean, as drug addicts or because we're black, we're nardy, that we are into, you know, drugs or alcohol or something not good. When we go to this church on Saturday for free clothes and food, and one Saturday, my mom actually went in the hygiene bag. They asked my mom, basically, why do you need a toothbrush? You have no teeth. So you're already judging her as being an addict of some sort, but you don't know her. So why would it matter why I need a toothbrush?

29:33Sinead, the cold weather is coming. I know that all three are sleeping in the car. Does that mean running the car throughout the night and wasting the gas and spending lots of money on gas in order to stay warm? What does that look like? We take shifts, if that makes sense. So my mom, with her breathing, I try to keep her semi-elevated. So if I hear her wheezing a lot or not getting the proper air, I'm like, mom, turn on the car. But she'll be like, Sinead, I'm thinking of you two. Are you cold or hot? No, mom, it's not about us. We're trying to help you breathe. Run the car. But what about gas?

30:22Mom, Gordon has the gas money. Run the car. Do you have a system for maybe brushing teeth and washing every so often? Going to Wawa and using wet ones. Yeah, because, see, a lot of places that we go to, a lot of places we go to because we're homeless or whatever, they don't want you in their facilities anyhow. So you have to learn to, like, get what you need and, like, find an area to do it at. And then you've got to make sure the area is very suited, you know, by itself. Because, like, since we've been back out here, and this is why we say we're racial profiling since we've been back, you know, and I don't know why, but everywhere we go, someone else go.

31:14And then they're like threatening to call the cops on us. We're dirty. We're trespassing. You're making a mess. What? Why? What are we doing? I mean, we don't stay there all day. Yeah. We're only there maybe three hours. And then we're gone somewhere. Yeah. So, and then I asked them, what trash do we leave? How do you know it's us? I mean, from spot to spot to spot. Why? Dale, what do you miss most about having a house or an apartment? I miss my surroundings of being, having my own. Not someone like telling me like, you're doing this, you're doing this. You know what I'm saying? If I want to get in my car and go, I can go.

32:04If I want to stay up late, I can stay up late. You know what I'm saying? I can cook. Watch TV. Put the heat on. Right. Yeah. And you want to read, you know. What will it take? How can that happen? It's going to happen with health. You know what I'm saying? And my thing is, I believe in Jesus. And he will give me this breath somehow. out. It's just like I've been out here. He tells me it's going to be okay. To Jesus every day? Yeah. Yeah. Can you tell us what does that ritual look like? Fulfilling. You know what I'm saying? Because it gives me what I need for when I need it. Do you ever ask God for the guidance?

32:53Yes. I ask him for the guidance. Does he ever like give you any direction? Yes, to be strong. You know, because to be honest, I think God sees me struggling right now just because the loss of my son, homeless, and a lot of other things, you know. So I'm like weighing. So he's trying to have me to channel into one thing, and I think it's happiness. I have to find happiness within myself. Yeah. So it's a struggle. I just want to say one thing because I was in the search for happiness for years, but happiness isn't sustainable. It's people can't be happy all the time. Right. But what we can be is we can have peace of mind.

33:38Right. And if we can have peace of mind, that is where everything because you can't just be always happy. Look how great happy I am. But if you're at peace where nothing actually affects you as much as it did before, then I feel like you're completely in tune to who we are. And this is what I'm saying. I see God has showed me so much since I've been through what I've been going through. I mean, I might not have a house. I might not have whatever. But within me, to learn to just be thankful, enjoy. I don't let things bother me. Yeah. You know, if I don't have$20, I don't have it. You know what I'm saying?

34:21I'm good with it. The ideal circumstance would be getting some assistance from the government to put you into housing. Am I right? Because then you're able to get an address. You're able to establish yourself. And then possibly Sinead could even find some part-time employment just to keep you fulfilled in your purpose and serving other people and also feeling that you're giving back and you're serving your purpose. Oh, and also to go back to questions you asked about what else keeps me going, me and Gordon have a wedding next year in August. Come on. Let's go. So that's one thing that really keeps me going because I'm.

35:16If we stay in touch, I want to come. Of course. Just met me. the more the merrier but that's what keeps me focused because when I'm having a bad day or the world is being too worldly I can focus on wait I have this beautiful dress and storage we picked out our rings together like we have our men's hat we have our women's hat I can focus on that instead of staying depressed, down, not knowing what to do. But here's the thing. As much as you may be homeless and you don't have everything, I know a lot of people that have everything on paper and are still so miserable. And to me, it's like you're chasing.

36:17But when you strip that all away, when you strip away all the money, you strip away all of the things that they have, that's who they really are. And I think that our society builds up that we have to go after more and more and more. And that's why people are sometimes being cold, not because they're intentionally being cold, but they're so stressed out in their own lives to trying to keep up. but because if we don't we fear that we may not be good enough for our families be doing enough for ourselves but in that whole process we strip away who we are connecting to other people loving our purpose and we move from one fun thing to the next fun thing instead of saying like how can i make this world a better place yeah yeah it's all about you know and i mean it's so much in the world that you can try to make it better you know what i'm saying you can do a little and it's like a whole blossom and that's where it's not like it's kind of like you got to break your back or anything like that you know even if you go in a classroom with little children and just make them smile and laugh that's a joy you know what i'm saying yeah it's so easy now before we wrap up one of the things that i wanted to tell you that i wanted to do for you My podcast is reaching a few thousand people every week.

37:37I'd like to put a link to a GoFundMe page that I'm going to create for you. And if you're feeling inspired by Gordon, Sinead, and Dale's story, and you'd like to be able to help just in a way, something, What I think ideally would be is getting them a warm place where they can reassess their life. And then once they're in that place, Sinead is able to fulfill some sort of part-time work. I know that you have some sort of record on your account. But I think that somebody is listening to this podcast right now and saying, she's a hard worker. I know she's a hard worker. I want to give her a shot.

38:23If you were in Northfield, New Jersey right now, right outside of Atlantic City, if somebody knows of something, they have transportation, they're able to get to and from places. But with gas prices over$4, with the way things are going, I would love to be able to create this GoFundMe account. and if you would like to support them, please go ahead and give what you can and I will reach out to you and let you know how that goes. This episode will be aired in two weeks, just so you know. So this will be aired in two weeks and then I'll connect the link to it and I'll let you know exactly how that's going for you.

39:05And may I say a prayer to finish out the podcast?

39:13Dear God, God, thank you for blessing me today to meet with Gordon, Gail, and Shanae. They're such wonderful people. And they struggle with mental health sometimes. They struggle with the life that they're currently living. But we all are struggling in some way or somehow. And I'm hoping that my listeners, I'm hoping that the people that this message reaches are able to be inspired by their no-quit attitude, their beautiful way of thinking and about giving back to other people. They want to continuously give. And God, please continue to support them, to give them what they need, so they can continue to build upon what they have, find them a home, find them comfort so they can try to recover from the loss of their brother, their son, and get back to a better place.

40:24Dear God, I love you. Please bless them. Amen. Amen. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you guys for joining us today on the Managing Difficult People podcast. Until next time, see you.

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