#972 - 3.7M Q&A - Fatherhood Plans, Medical Update & New Hairstyle

26:18It's me with this hair So actually the Afro or the skinhead is looking increasingly attractive by the day. What do I think of the negative effects of social reality TV on a society now? Women, where do you feel love island ties into that? I mean, it is a fucking cultural phenomenon in the UK. It's actually on the decline, I would say. It's sort of, it was at its peak. Are we 2017? 2018? It was like peak love island, maybe a little bit more in 2019, 2020. But it's kind of like old news a little bit and a bit of a mean. Fuck me. I didn't watch it a single second. I didn't even see clips. But I knew that love -island had kind of captured America's consciousness for summer.

27:03And yeah, Lord help this country if that continues for another five years. Why do I feel that it ties into that? Some of the negative effects. I certainly think that it normalizes people partner swapping and flimsy levels of commitment because that's the name of the game, right? You go in there, wow, we're all here to date and switch and swap and so on. And who's to say that you shouldn't do that? It's like, well, it's slightly different if you're in a villa that's dedicated to trying out other partners and everyone's got there for the same reason so you've kind of bought into that. It's very different to one person earlier on.

27:41Someone wants to take it day by day. I feel like I want to be committed. Like, that's the person that doesn't just want to take it day by day, didn't step into the villa, right? He wasn't a new island adjoining the villa, understanding what the name of the game was and how the rules sort of exist. So normalizing partner swapping for sure, I think treating people as a disposable

28:04transaction, it's sort of confluent, it's as long as you can benefit me, then kind of we're in to be nosy into others' relationships and feeling like they have a say about how others should behave. They should have done that. They shouldn't have done that. I would have done differently. And that's kind of human nature, venting and gossip and stuff. But when you do it at a mass scale, and it's this popular and it's very aspirational, I've seen so many goals that I follow in Austin on Instagram. Their stories, like doing, talking about stuff that is sort of so love island adjacent, that it's evident, it's kind of a low key, I would, you know, if I went on there, cause like obviously like that's exactly like how I would fit in, and like if I was on there, I would do it totally differently.

28:58Go, look, girls, from somebody who has the fucking veteran not stolen valor badge pinned to his lapel for having been on there, it is not going to fix your relationship problems, and it's really fucking boring. It's not that interesting to be on and what you want is other girls to scrutinize and look at you and think that you look cute in the bikini. Not, I actually want to find a deep meaningful partnership from that, I think. When if you look at the success rate of love island in terms of the long term relationships, it's basically zero in the UK. There's been a lot of people on, it's been maybe a hundred people, maybe two hundred people that have been on that show now.

29:40and basically none of them are still together. So yeah, hold on tight for the next few years in America if this summer is anything to go by. Ryan Utterback, how has money changed your life and how others treat you? I don't really talk about money to be honest, really even think about it all that much. I suppose that's a luxury, but to be honest, after if you come from a very within your means sort of low income background, which I did. Like, it's the most working class town that you can get in the UK with a single parent income. You don't expect much, and, you know, me and mom living on Dad's wage.

30:31And then Dad also living on Dad's wage, I guess. You just don't expect all that much, so I don't think about money, and that's a real benefit it in many ways. It seems to be two paths that people who don't come from money go down if they get money. One of them is, ah, that's nice. I can get a slightly nicer coffee or a slightly better yoghurt or I don't need to think about whether I have to pay the dinner when my friends come through and stuff like that. Isn't that great that I don't need to worry about? And then the other side, which is kind of like the NBA player, uh, ARC. And I'm really fortunate that my constitution has put me in the first one.

31:07Has it changed my life? I have just wind for five minutes about what's happened to my health. It means that if there is ever a catastrophe of any kind, I can always pay it. And that is unbelievably reassuring that there's basically no issue that you can encounter. I mean, you know, if you need experimental cancer treatment and it's millions of dollars, like fuck, that's going to really, really hurt. But the fact that you don't ever have to worry about whether you can pay for dinner, I mean, there was a time when I was 19 and I was doing my, no, sorry, when I was 20 and I was doing my placement here in Scotland and I remember a friend had come up to help work with me.

31:51I was running this events company that I was working for as part of my placement here from university and there was a day where I didn't have money to eat. I literally didn't have enough money to eat and I probably could have wronged my parents and asked them to, you know, why me 50 pounds or something, but I think it was a bit proud to do that. And I didn't have money to eat and he said, he turned to me, Dino Metius and I saw a ramburgh turn to me and he was like, I don't know how to do it. Like, I can just go and steal some food. And that still 15 years later sticks with me because it really sort of brought it home of how just how skinned I was.

32:31I was like, I'm so poor that I have to consider stealing food. And I'm aware that there are levels of poverty that fucking plunge way below that and don't have the parents that could back them up. But that was a real moment of like fuck. Like I've got myself to the stage. I'm at university, on a placement year from university doing this thing and I can't afford to eat. I also did spend my final 10 pounds driving to an under -earth concert and back when I was 22. So, maybe I wasn't always responsible with my cash. How has it changed how does this treat me? I really do not think that I dress in the manner of somebody that looks like they've got money and I try not to talk about it.

33:12Fuck sake, camera auto -fuxing. I don't talk about it that much because it's a bit gosh and the UK to talk about money and that's sort of a way it's not really what we do, you know, the like, Andy Elliott, Grant Cardone, PILD, approached things is not what kind of allergic to that as a country, or at least where I'm from, we are. So it doesn't change how would this treat me really at all, which is fortunate, I suppose. Now, fame and status, whatever, micro niche, degenerate fame, I've got that'll change how people treat you. But I'm guessed that if you were signaling tons of wealth That would be another challenge that you have to get over.

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34:24And if you still own the fence, they offer 30 -day free returns. So you can buy it and try it for 29 days. And if you don't like it, you can just send it back. Plus, they shape internationally. Right now, you can get 10 % off everything from gym shark site -wide by going to the link in the description below. are heading to gym .sh slash modern wisdom using the code modern wisdom 10, a checkout that gym .sh slash modern wisdom and modern wisdom 10, a checkout. Any Ben, I'll, hello him. What is your best advice for dealing with very high stress levels for an extended period of time? Oh, you were talking to the right person.

34:59I've been more stressed over the last nine months than I ever have in my life, up until now, to the point where, yeah, my court is all and melatonin flow is inverted. Everything's constantly elevated. My natural killer cell, my CD57 plus, just like this natural killer cell gauge is 80 % missing. And this is a combination of physiological damage plus the lifestyle stress on top. Plus then the story I tell myself about needing to keep up with the lifestyle. Even as I tried to back off outsourced stuff, hire people, do all of the things to like alleviate that still the smallest amount of effort is so exhausting to me.

35:42So I should at least have a bit of an idea. Certainly I can pontificate for ages and give you like wishy -washy concepts and philosophies and quotes and shit, but really you just need something practical. Fuck dude, try and sleep. Like, please sleep more. and walk more. If you walk more and you sleep more, things will probably be a little bit better. Now the problem is if you're in very high stress levels for an extended period of time, like you are, you can't sleep because you're tired but wired. Your cortisol is spiking through the roof. You're ruminating when you're supposed to be relaxing and you've got intrusive thoughts.

36:26you're probably waking up throughout the night, thinking of things, you know, waking up with a racing heartbeat, which I would do, wake up and be anxious. Like, I've just been asleep. What am I anxious about? How can I be anxious? I was literally just asleep. The most relaxed that you can be. And did I get anxious while I was asleep and then wait? So, sleep and walk would be two things. Try and stick to a routine because the stress will start to try and expand out and fill all of the gaps in the rest of your schedule. And if you don't have a structure that you lean on, what ends up happening is you default to less productivity, less mindfulness, you don't do self -care, you don't train, you don't get sunlight.

37:13So try and create rigid rules around when the alarm goes off, I'm out of bed within three minutes. It's the first thing that I do is get it step outside or look out of a window or go for a walk or do whatever. I'm going to go to the gym every single day. I'm going to go to the gym five days a week Monday through Friday or however you want to do it. Like set rules because if you don't do that, you're going to end up. The stress is going to make adhering to things through choice. So difficult that you need to buttress and bolster your

37:49routine ability and I think that having a set plan is a good way to do it. And I know it's tough, but it's not going to last forever, dude. Like you will get through this. This isn't going to be life. This isn't going to be for the rest of time. You will recover from this as well. Very high stress levels for an extended period of time. Tough. Don't rely on stimulants to wake you up and sleep meds to get you to sleep. I can guarantee you that that is not a phenomenal strategy. Try and do things as naturally as possible. Try and down regulate wherever you can meditate, breath work, stick to a routine, sleep, walk, basics.

38:27Sorry, it's not more complex, but after like two years of basically experimenting with all of this shit, that's sort of come back around to. Cool, Ken 23. What does the next tenures look like? Content -wise. What What do you think is the biggest thing you will need to adjust to or obstacle you will face in order to keep your content going? This is a fucking cool question. And I said earlier on that I might tell you about some different directions for the show and this is later on. So I'll fuck it, I'll tell you now. I don't know about the next ten years, but certainly the next foreseeable. I am in the process of buying my first studio space here in Austin.

39:05One of the things that I have realized is I really enjoy episodes where I get to hang as much as episodes where I get to deliberately learn. That's not to say I don't learn stuff when I'm hanging and I don't get to hang when I'm learning shit. But the underwrote episode is a really good example of this. Two guys shooting a shit with me talking about stuff that we know, wow, wasn't that deep and interesting and we learned things. But also, I felt really regulated. I thought it was very fun, the feedback was fucking amazing, and I just, I left the episode feeling lighter and sometimes with the access I've got now and how deep I am, how nerdy I am with some of the shit that I like to learn about, I even, I get the sense that modern wisdom can sometimes feel like homewalk.

39:55And I love it, but you don't want to do homewalk even this shit that's that fives you up the most in the world. And you don't want to be doing that every single day, right? So my current strategy is you're going to see more multi -guest Hang -style episodes. I find myself listening to all -in podcast, PirateWires with Mike Salana, Flagrant with Shultz, Protect Our Parks' episodes with Rogan, Finn versus the Internet of Fin Taylor's Finn versus History, ScreenRot. But these episodes, this sort of style is very hang -y. Matt and Shane's secret podcast, even if you look at Tim Dill and Theo Vaughn, they're a hang.

40:37It's just that they're such big personalities that even if they do a solo episode, they can hang on their own. And that, to me, just seems to be like a really good direction to go in. I think it's going to help to give me the opportunity to put some personality across, because a lot of the time when I'm doing episodes with guests, it's like, I need to put this person on a pedestal and make them as amazing as possible. And rightly so, they've got fucking important shit to say. But I wanna have a bit more fun, not that I don't have fun, but like, you know, that kind of energetic, relaxed sort of hang style fun.

41:14So that's one path. Second path is more solo episodes. So I'm considering doing a monthly Q &A, just like this. We're doing it based on subscriber count. We did it every 50k up to a mil, then every 100k up to like three, and then every two, or 2 .5, and then every 250. And then this is 100 because we weren't moving quite as quickly and I couldn't be asked to wait until 750. So it's like, I shouldn't be doing a Q &A based on how fast a house is the low of the channel growth is. But I don't know where the monthly Q &As are too much. So feel free to leave a comment and let me know if you think that that's the right cadence.

41:57But I really love the opportunity to do that. I really love my lessons episodes. I find the opportunity to reflect on what I've learned and to try and teach them and I know that they add a lot of value. And also I want to have the opportunity to make the show a little bit more about me. You know, I've done a thousand episodes, a millennia of episodes, but all I've tried to do is make somebody else look as amazing as possible. and I've got ideas and interesting things that I've been reflecting on, at least things that I'm interested in, whether they're interesting as to be decided. And I want to talk about them.

42:28So, more Hang Style, which I guess is one end of the Barbell, more Solo, which is going to be the other end of the Barbell, and then still in the middle, the bulk of the episodes, you know, 80 % of the episodes are going to be interview format stuff. And when it comes to guests, I'm going to be thinking more out of the box. I think the Under -O -Thepisode, the Rick B. Arto episode, both like really, like off -loginal ones Jeremy Ranna, also another one, it's like, huh, I wouldn't have expected to see fuck like Chris got under a thund like they're not even a massive name, but shit that was really cool.

42:57Like Rick Beart, like fuck, like where do you get him from? So I'm trying to be, I think what you can expect is a little bit of a pivot. More of the same, but we're gonna make some changes with the way that the channel appears as well. The copyrighting style, the thumbnail style, hopefully all of this is going to basically come into land around about episode 1000, which will also be when the studio is maybe ready, nearly ready, something. And I haven't been this excited for a while. I certainly think that I kind of rinsed this format just that with no variety in your diet. You know, like your favorite meal, my favorite thing to do is speak to a dusty academic about like some fucking obscure part of human nature.

43:39In the same way as steak with vegetables might be your favorite meal, but if all you ever ate was steak and vegetables, you'd want a little bit of variety, and I think this is me trying to add a bit more variety. So that's what you can expect. More of the same elevated, slightly different directions, hang styles, solo guests, but guests that are a little bit more experimental and novel, I suppose, hopefully a lot of world firsts when it comes to the guests. And we'll see how it goes. Maybe this is gonna be like you too, trying to release a fucking acoustic album and everybody hates it, but I'm excited about it and I get the sense that if I'm excited about it, that's the most important thing, because if I'm excited that will carry the vibe and everyone else will come along for the ride.

44:23And if I'm wrong, fuck it, you'll just see me revert back to doing what I did all along.

44:30JP Ganuska. Do you consider yourself a Dino? I don't know. All right. So, I don't know how many people, even in the UK know what Adino is. Adino is kind of, it's British slang for a very particular type of guy. Usually from a working class area, he grew up not from money and started earning a tiny little bit and it's every guy that went on love Island is Adino. know, fake tan, white teeth, vigniers in Turkey, hair transplant also from Turkey, girl who's got fake boobs, he drives a gray Audi A3, she drives a Fiat 500, they're living a new build house, everything's on finance, they like to go to Toby Carvery or to Miller and Carter on a weekend, they like to get a bag in with the boys, they wear skinny jeans, it's like a real archetype.

45:20And I guess I would have been kind of like, I was Dino adjacent when I was running the nightclub stuff and kind of King of the Dinos in that regard, given that Newcastle was pretty Dino central. But I certainly am not anymore, and I never fitted in then either. Like two postgraduate degrees, not sort of classically Dino. And I had the wrong car, so I would have never fitted in. But that's a fucking great meme that I totally forgot about. Yeah, long live the Dino's, man. I'm, they're still powering my ex business, partner's business. So please don't, don't badmouth them too much. Tolow, I F G. If you had two children and you had to name them after cities, you've been to which would you pick?

46:09That's cool. Athens fucking sick name. I mean, it's just you, you ask a guy this question and he thinks about, you know, like warrior. and soared and you know, just like random aggressive names. Athens kind of cool. Bali probably makes for a pretty shit name. Well, also I like in terms of that.

46:38Paris is pretty sweet, I guess. A ton of all of my friends that I've known throughout the years that call Paris a pretty fucking cool. So if you want to guarantee a cool kid, I found it hard to give a kid a cool name and have an uncool kid. I wonder if that's a way to future proof your kid from being too nerdy. Let's say Paris and Athens, also both European, so America can take my taxes but not take my children's names. Just... Niki, niki, niki, niki, niki, niki, niki, niki, niki, niki, niki. I've been screwed over there. How do I get over the shame of being rejected by a guy who used and ghosted me?

47:19Yeah, I'm sorry that that happened. It is unfortunately very common

47:29Maybe less in reverse But Happens both directions and that sucks. I'm sorry that that that was something that you went through It's going to be difficult because you'll have placed some of your self -worth into this person and the fact that they didn't choose you is going to make you feel unworthy. You're going to wish that if only you'd been better. Are you going to think if only I'd been more bigger, if I'd been more electric or more more alluring in some way, then they would have stayed. They wouldn't have rejected me. They wouldn't have used me. And then they would have, at the very least, given me the respect to have said this is over or whatever.

48:20It's gonna be really hard to get past the emotional side of this. So I can give you a logical answer, which is if you've been rejected by a guy who used in Ghosted you, if he's the sort of guy that uses in Ghosted you, that's not rejection, that's a very fortunate early warning system from somebody that has a psychological makeup that you would not want to be in a relationship with long term. Like that is not the sort of guy that you want. Is that the sort of sun that you would want? Absolutely not. Okay, your kids are going to be made up of the genetics of the partner that you choose. Do you want those genes?

48:59You really want, would you want, would you have preferred that he'd stayed with you being the sort of guy that could use and ghost you? I'm going to guess that he's a little bit younger. Unfortunately, this is the peril of dating in your 20s. I mean, I will hold my hand up. I did that to girls. I did that when I was in my 20s because I wasn't brave enough to tell them what I meant, which was, I don't want to be with you, or this is over, or that was something that was casual, not something that was long term. And maybe I did or didn't, maybe it was wishful thinking on your part, or maybe I even was a little bit obfuscatory about what my intentions were and made you think that it was going to be longer term.

49:43Like these are all, these are just the things that both parties do when they're so scared about telling the truth and they don't know how to open up. So it's not a projection, if it's somebody that you would have hated being in a relationship long term, you've been saved by the fact that this guy behaved that way. The shame comes from feeling like I need to make myself more or different in order to be loved in future because I evidently wasn't enough this time. And if I don't change myself, it's just going to happen again. I would say what the issue was there was bad partner choice, not an issue of you.

50:20Now, you may be awful, but the using ghosted thing, like, that isn't a you thing, that's a them thing. So trying to remember, your goal is not to find somebody, your goal is to find somebody who will treat you right as you, not to make yourself into the sort of person that someone who would reject using ghost you won't do simply because you've sort of super squirrel fucking like Jedi mind trick them into seeing you as somebody else. A ghost should be to be as unapologetically yourself in a relationship and have that be chosen by the other person because anything short of that is going to result in you playing some sort of a role or curbing off different parts of yourself or making yourself of smaller or making yourself bigger, having to perform.

51:12And that's just not good. So, hope that helps. This episode is brought to you by Woop. Your body is constantly sending you signals, but without real data, it's easy to over train, under recover and miss your best performance, which is where Woop's brand new 5 .0 comes in. It is the newest version of the wearable I've trusted for like 2000s nights, now giving you everything that you need 24 -7 tracking, if you're heart rate, you're sleep, you're recovery, you're workouts, and more all translated into clear personalized simple data. And now it's 7 % smaller. It's got 14 days of battery life health span to track your pace of aging and hormonal insights for women who want smarter support during their cycle and pregnancy and all of that stuff.

51:51Basically, it is everything that was awesome about WOOP plus tons of new tools to help you optimize your health and performance. Right now, you can get the brand new WOOP 5 .0 by going to the link in the description below So, heading to join .wook .com slash modem wisdom. That's join .wook .com slash modem wisdom. Andrew Grumkey, much date, even just some t -shirts. We really want to support and rep modem wisdom. Thank you. Yes, we are close. I promise you we're close. I actually have designs. We've got the blanks that we're going to use. They're fucking sick. The caps that we're going to use are awesome.

52:25The hoodies. We've been through so many samples of different things. It just sort of goes to show. So James Smith has talked about the difficulty of working with me in Newtonic. This is the same thing again, but without a James there to actually step in and say, all right, that's enough mate. It'll be this year. It'll be before tour because we'll have shared available at all of the live shows, Chris Williams and Dot Live.

52:49We'll have stuff before then. And the design to awesome, and I can't wait to drop them. So soon, and sorry for the wait. And it's a different brand. and it's actually a separate brand to modern wisdom. And it's maybe the best piece of copywriting that I've done in quite a while. If everybody hates it, I'm gonna have egg on my face, but I think it's fucking welcome, so. Hold on tight. Beyond the pale 22, I'm 33, and I found someone I love deeply and genuinely see a future with, but I still find myself craving other women, and I don't think that part of me will ever fully go away. How do I reconcile the part of me that wants a long -term love with the part that still wants to experience more?

53:29That is a doozy. And I think it's something that a lot of guys feel, I certainly know that I did for a long time and that was the reason that I was abasted in some previous relationships and was playing away and just behaving in ways that were really not, they didn't make me feel proud because I was so, I wanted love, but I also had this desire for novelty and I couldn't square that circle. I couldn't, I couldn't keep my dick in my pants, but I also wasn't sufficiently prepared to be honest with my partner and say, hey, this is over. I need to go and fuck someone else. I couldn't say that. So you end up in this messy middle ground.

54:11That's the worst place to be in. I think a few things that you can try and think about here. First off, you're not broken as a guy for finding other women attractive. And the fact that other women are attractive is not an indication that there is an issue with you and your partner, especially someone you love deeply genuinely see a future with. David Bus, it told me this story that a guy sent him an email saying, thank you very much Dr. Bus, you saved my marriage. Before I read your book, I thought that because I was still attracted to other women walking down the street with my wife who I love and the kids who I love and this life that I found really fulfilling.

54:54I would look at other women and find them attractive and I thought that that meant there was a problem with this relationship. And your book said there is an area of the brain in men that does not exist in the same way in women that rewards us, gives us reward signals for looking at anything that's sexual. Even a couple of rocks that look like a pair of boobs, guys will lock and be like, yeah nice rack, and get a little bit of reward in our brain from that. His point was I thought that the fact I found that the women attractive was an indication that my relationship was broken, what you told me was this is something that's just ingrained, it's not a indication that there is an issue or some sort of shortcoming with the partnership I have right now, it's just the way that men are wired.

55:44And it doesn't mean that I need to act on it. It doesn't mean that I have an issue with my wife. And it alleviated him of all of this guilt. And it sounds like there's at least a little bit of guilt going on here.

55:57Practically, you need to kind of make a decision about what it is that you want. Do you more want the love deeply or do you more want the novelty? And you can try and do the polyamory thing, I suppose, but I have very limited hope in that for most people. I think it is a fraught and difficult foundation to build a relationship on. And I think that for most guys, the sort of girls who would be okay with an open or one -sided open relationship are typically not the sort of ones that you want to marry long term. And this is most Most guys, there is a cohort of people who will go to swing parties, put the keys in a bowl, come out, not knowing who's put what bits of their fucking anatomy into each other, and be totally sweet about it and just go to work the next day and still love their partner.

56:51But for most guys, I think most of them are wired in a way where that's just not, it's not going to work. I just really don't think it's going to work. Unfortunately.

57:05If you don't think that this part of you is ever fully going to go away and that might be true, can you live? It is a really simple question actually. Can you live with the fact that you don't find other women attractive but you can't fuck them if you want to be loyalty a partner? If you can live with that, you lean into the David Bus sort of pilled approach. It doesn't mean there's a problem with your partnership, just something that's there. The same ways you might be hungry when you're on a diet, but you choose not to eat the junk food. It's like, ah, fuck, it's just going to be a thing that I decide to control.

57:41I certainly will say the change that I noticed from age 30 to now age 37 in terms of my desire for sexual variety. This might be a better way to put it. My challenges with loyalty because of a wandering eye have gotten much easier. I don't know whether that's changing my programming. It's certainly not a decrease in my fucking testosterone level, but changing values perhaps. If you're the sort of guy that wants kids and wants a family, that is going to be such a strong pole. I do think it's going to overshadow the challenge that you have with this. Maybe it won't ever fully go away that you're going to look at other women.

58:33But if you're okay with just clamping that bit of you down and being like, hey, there it is. I'm hungry for that food. Don't need to eat it. That's good. And if you find yourself getting tempted to go and eat the food, you don't have it in the house. The equivalent of that would be if you're the sort of guy who can't keep his dick in his pants and you really, really want to be loyal to your partner, you don't go tonight clubs and drink, you don't go on stagdews and get smashed in party towns, you're with the group that's a little bit more quiet and goes to bed early, does this sound like a more boring life?

59:04Well, maybe in some ways, but you're kind of treating yourself like a sexual drug addict who isn't to be trusted if there's an open bag of cocaine near them. And if you're in a club at two in the morning having your all of your inhibitions gone after 10 drinks. That's a high risk environment. So design your life so that this risk doesn't have the opportunity to manifest. You want long -term love, allow that to flourish, spend your time consuming content that nourishes that part of you, get good dad inspo on YouTube and think about all of the ways that family life's going to be amazing. And I get the sense that as you grow up, that is going to come down into land.

59:46So hopefully that helps. I'm ZB. Any advice for women your age trying to navigate dating life? I'm 37. Women trying to navigate dating life at 37 is a fraught because

1:00:03presuming that they haven't got something to bring along with them, like kids or divorce or whatever, or even if they have the divorce thing as long as it's not kids. It's a it's a minefield out there because there is this sense of needing to hurry up that you're going to have to go through. And even if you have got kids, you're like fuck like everyone, I want it to be the thing, I want it to be the relationship for the rest of time.

1:00:32I would be uncompromising with what it is that you two or three things that you really, really want. I want a partner who is peaceful. I want a partner who makes me feel safe. I want a partner who can provide for me financially. That's sick. Alright, he doesn't get to be six foot. You don't get to complain about his body. You don't get to complain about his education. If you are 37 as a woman, if your any age that you really shouldn't have more than about three things that are fucking super, super non -negotiables because you've all seen that homeath like delusion calculator thing for women. It's like, how tall does he need to be and what's his body fat percentage and how much does he need to earn?

1:01:15And before you know it, you're down to 0 .5 % of the entire population from a small number of things. I would say pick the things that really matter and learn to be flexible about the other ones. I would prioritize something like psychological stability, so how long after you've had a psychological perturbedment, are they able to get back to baseline and become? That's real important. Are they loyal? Are they trustworthy? Do they make you feel safe? When you're around them, do you feel regulated? Or are you uncertain? Can they communicate their feelings well? All of these things, like, are so fucking accessible and really predictive of long -term relationship success, and most people are optimizing for other things.

1:02:00They're optimizing for how tall they are. They're optimizing for what their education level is. They're optimizing for the car that they drive, or even other stupidity, like how cool they are. Like, oh, coolness is basically extraversion plus openness to experience and energy, I suppose, like high energy vibe. You go, all of the things really, really great. Totally non -predictive when it comes to your partner. In fact, you want a partner that's a little bit less open to experience. You want a partner that's just moderately open to experience, because two open to experience causes them to stray and look for other partners.

1:02:37So pick a small number of non -negotiables, stick to those, be flexible with the other ones, focus on the things that predict relationships, success on term, tie to shiro's, got a great book on this. So has not Scott Barry Kaufman, not Steve Stuart Williams, fuck. Who was the dude that did don't trust your gut and everybody lies? Seth Stevens, Davidowitz, choosing like all the fucking triple barrel Jewish names that I can think of. Seth Stevens, Davidowitz, don't trust your gut. Wonderful book. What are the predictive areas that you should be looking for merge those with your own preferences and off to the races.

1:03:15Inspired evolution, how to build a podcasting team and what roles did you fill, such have filled and didn't watch order? I did not do it in any form of gold standard way. I'm afraid. First high was an editor, video guidein, who's still with me now. Did everything full stack, graphic design, video capture, edit, thumbnail, not necessarily already designed but thumbnail creation. Second was an assistant, largely administrative assistant, but also did personal stuff and a little bit of EA things too. They were just picking up correspondence, helping to make sure the posting schedules were kept to doing QC quality control.

1:03:58Fourth member of staff, it would now at this point like five years into the show, right? We've done 700 episodes and I get my fourth member of staff. Fourth member of staff was a YouTube strategist who helped me with the copywriting because at three episodes a week I was having to come up with every title, every thumbnail, every clip, and every episode, multiple across time. Then we got, I think, audio platform manager who also helped out with ads and an ads guide that was from an external agency. Remember, these aren't necessarily all full -time members of staff. You can just pick up contractors.

1:04:32But really, if you can get a great full stack editor, I mean, ideally, if you can get an editor who was also a producer like young Jamie for Joe, you're laughing because that's like five roles in one. You need an assistant of some kind, an administrative assistant. It doesn't need to be in person, although it would help if it is. And then someone who does ads because it's just so much correspondence, sending invoices and oh, this person hasn't paid. We need to change the read for that. No, the deal for whatever the word I was changed. And then you can start to build up from that, but that would be my stripped back version.

1:05:12Shiamo K9N. How do you feel now at 37, seeing youngsters clubbing and marching away their 20s, given that that was the life you live for 15 years before turning yourself around? I don't know how many youngsters are clubbing and marching away their 20s. All the stats are about, Gen Z, Dan, leave the house. They want to be in bed by 10 p .m. They're all addicted to weed and Netflix. I don't know. The ones that I do see that are doing that. The only concern I have is if you get sort of deep into your 30s and you're still doing it and it's still your primary source of well, but actually probably toward the end of your 20s.

1:05:51I think it's, fuck, I had a great time partying. I think great time running nightclubs. It was really fun.

1:06:00And I learned an awful lot, especially about business. I'm aware that not most people are running the clubs, they're clubbing and partying, they're just like attending. But it makes for cool memories, as long as you're not doing dangerous levels of drugs or spending money to the point where you do lasting damage like bankruptcy or credit ratings and things like that. As long as you're moderately responsible, I don't think it matters, but I started to see through kind of the veil a bit at 27, 26, 27, did love on 25, no, did love on 27, fuck, 28, 29 was when I went sober, stopped drinking, 30 was when I started the show.

1:06:46So that was a big transition period, the manopause, the end of my 20s. If you're getting toward 30 and that's still why most of yourself worth comes from and most of your enjoyment, I think that's worth a bigger question. But up until 25, 26, 27, send it. Have fun. And then it's out, hopefully it's out of your system. Like it is for me. I have no desire. I have no like unfulfilled, unrequited dreams of going to a beathor and partying. I did it 30 times and sniffed my head off. Like, okay, we're done. I don't need to go and do that. I think in some ways, in some ways that's good. Not cutting a self -short.

1:07:24So, bit of parting. Small. Good dose of parting with the deadline. Typical rev head 8364. I caught a story a few weeks ago. I caught a story a few weeks back. Are you drifting at a drift school? So cool. Are you going to continue the arts? Oh, typical I fucking love that Texas drift academy, if anybody is near Austin and wants to learn how drift a car, they are. I went from having never drifted a car apart from accidentally to pretty competent drifting a car in the space of six hours and like stringing together multiple drifts. It was wild. It was really, really cool. And will I continue doing it?

1:08:09Probably shouldn't do it in the 6 .2 liter V8 2S S Camaro because it is only meant to go in a straight line and it doesn't really do that all that well. But the modified 350Z, 370Z, sorry, with like locked rear -daff and like, you know, the e -brake and stuff. That was cool and easy. I'll go back, but I'll probably do it with friends next time. I think it was good to get a session in and learn, but it's like 90 minutes away from me. So, big ask. If it was closer, I'd do it more. Mimmo criminal 8592. How do you deal with the regret I've wasted time and potential. It's tough on me. Um, thinking, where did all of that time go?

1:08:55I could have done more with it. I'm on the back foot. I feel like I need to play catch up.

1:09:03I should be further along than I am. And that's difficult thing. Um, certainly a few things you can think about. But you made the decisions that you could with the information that you had available at the time. And even if they were the wrong decisions, you now know that going forward. And that's a lesson that you've learned, which means that you know how to have more information. Hooray. You also don't have a fucking time machine, which means that you can't go back and change it. So you did what you could with the information you had available and you can't go back and change it. The regret really doesn't have much place.

1:09:42And you know, that's largely a treatise on not regretting things, but people are going to regret everything they do, even with that piece of knowledge. However, your concern is around wasted time and potential. And you are wasting your time and your potential with your regret. So not only did that thing in the past waste your time and your potential, then it's continuing to take up your time and your potential right now, even though it's not still going. That is a special type of hell. That is you being puppeted by an error from the past in the present, making the thing that you are regretful of from the past still continue right now.

1:10:21That should be a fucking solvent that dissolves whatever it is that you're dealing with. Oh, my regret is causing the problem I'm trying to get over to happen again. I need to get rid of it. I just need to focus on action. Actions, the antidote to anxiety. So you just lean into whatever it is. Make a plan, stick to it, stop thinking about the past. Tuck, oak, five, six, thirty. Do you have any recommendations for books or authors that you find wise and helpful for personal growth? Well, Tuck, oak, five, six, three, zero. I just released the second modern wisdom reading list. First one I did, hundred bucks to before you die.

1:11:03Second one I did 100 more bucks to read before you die. Very creatively titled. It's available at chriswillx .com slash more box mo re b o k s chriswillx .com slash more box. It's 100 more that you should read before you die. There's tons in there fiction, nonfiction, real life stories. There's a bit more fiction in this one, but they're fucking fire. And you can go and get the first one at chriswillx .com slash boxes 200 and it took ages and 300 ,000 people downloaded the first one. So it can't be that bad and I get lots of messages from people. Actually, that's one of the coolest things. People come up and say nice things, sometimes in the street and one of the coolest ones.

1:11:42I got stopped by this dude, like Guido looking guy, tank top vest thing on in the upper east side of New York and stopped by the side of the road. Yo Chris, I was like, oh, hey man, hey, nice to meet you. What's your name? My name is John or whatever, like, strike, I can't do this strong New York, like Italian accent. I just wanted to say thank you for a, I'm thinking he's going to say, you know, the episode with Alex Hormozzi, the the the one with Matthew McConaughey for the podcast for putting what for being honest with you. It's like for the the reading list, like, huh, I wasn't expecting that from tank top wire and Guido here, but it's and a few people have said that and I'm like, shit, like that's cool because they found lots of things that are interesting to them as this tiny little thing.

1:12:25So Chris will like such more bucks. got it. It's awesome. YouTube Geekho, advice for men who crave a female partner, but a terrified that their authentic self will be rejected or isn't worthy of love. Oh, that's good. I kind of said it earlier on, your goal, your goal really in relationships is to find the person around whom you can be your most, you feel most like yourself. You're not self -sensoring. I guess it's two, it's two ends. You feel like you can say things without censorship as freely as possible and you feel like you can sit in silence and not need to fill it. If you have both of those things, you are pretty resonant with that person, right?

1:13:16You are in your vibing with them. They are on the same sort of level as you, and that's wonderful because we have to put on all kinds of acts and personas to get through our day -to -day existence. We have to behave differently at work and in meetings and around our parents and that's exhausting. a lot of the time and if you can't even be yourself around your partner, I fear that it's such a huge drain on you. And what does it teach you? It teaches you the lesson, I cannot be myself anywhere. Like if I can't be myself with my long term partner that I'm supposed to be, you're supposed to see me and love me for who I am.

1:14:04So again, it comes back to what I said earlier on this compatibility thing. If you can't be yourself around your partner, just find someone that you can. So advice from men who crave a female partner but a terrified that the authentic self would be rejected or isn't worthy of love. Your authentic self will be accepted and is worthy of love just from the right woman. And your goal is to continue to show your authentic self over and over again so that every single person who it is not for rejects you or you reject them. That should be your goal. Your goal should be as many rejections as possible from you or from them while showing your authentic self because it means the person if you're not showing your authentic self The person who would have loved you is not going to because you're not showing up as you And the person who ends up loving you does not love you because you haven't fucking shown yourself Is I said it's such basic maths that when you realize if you play a role the person that you're with doesn't fall in love with you and their love doesn't ever actually come into contact with your sense of self -being because you know that it's not Love it's praise.

1:15:16They're praising this role that you're playing. Oh well done for doing the little act that made me giggle over dinner But what you know is that that joke wasn't actually what you meant to say you had this other monologue in the back of your mind that you muted and And then you did this little performance, you did this little dance and they giggled and you gave yourself like kind of a congratulation but it's so hollow because it's not love, it's praise. And your goal should be to be your authentic self over and over again and be rejected or reject as many times as possible until you find the person that you can be your authentic self around and then you do everything in your power to hold onto them.

1:15:56That's the way to do it, I think, as the not very person. 37. I think it is. And that's when I feel happiest as well when I'm being my authentic self. So, hopefully that... I guess the one caveat here is there is such a thing as your authentic self kind of being an asshole and that requires you to do some personal development. Your authentic stuff, you can say, you know, I'm a phater. I've always been a phater. I'm going to continue. My daddy was a phater. My son will be a phater. I'm a phater. Because I'm a phater, I'm going to make sure on my first date that I'm my authentic self. I'm going to fart my way through this first date.

1:16:48It's like, ah, maybe you should get rid of that. Maybe that's not the best place for your authenticity to come out. Maybe actually that's a part of you that you need to improve. And you need to work out what are the areas that you do not want to compromise on that you feel very close to your sense of self and what are the areas where you think, huh, this person who accepts a lot of the bits of me but doesn't accept that bit of me, I actually don't like that bit of me either. And they're getting me to transcend it and include it and I'll come out and move past it. Wouldn't that be wonderful? So hopefully that helps.

1:17:28Oye, a th and doye, 665. As the only child, do you wish you had siblings? Why, why not? I think I do. I was very well supported by mum and dad, but it's difficult to be socialized in the same way as kids who've had siblings. millions, millions, multiple millions of tiny, tiny interactions that you have every single day for decade and a half with your sibling that help to socialize you and teach you what it means to have an argument and then make up afterward and have somebody that's always in your corner or have to learn to share or just so many sort of fundamental lessons that that you have to construct, you have to go out and find friends, I'll play sports or you can learn from parents, it's just not the same.

1:18:19So I think it would have expedited a lot of my learning, but on the flip side, it made me very independent, very resilient to solitude, very prepared to do things without permission because it was known around to ask permission from, very single -minded. So a lot of the things that I am really valuable, I find valuable in myself and I think are very useful and have given me a life that I'm pretty proud of. A lot of those have come out of it too. So, I wish I'd had siblings. I'm fine with the fact that I didn't, but my intention when I start a family is to have more than one. So, Trevor, Krzysky.

1:19:00Krzysky. What are your thoughts on traveling alone? Big fan. Don't know a lot. I think if you're ever struggling for answers in your life, You don't know what your next life direction should be. Obviously, you need the money in the time and whatever to do that. But presuming that you've got the cash to get you on a flight to Thailand and back, you can afford to go, because once you're there, it's $5 a day. I loved it. I did Thailand on my own Bali, on my own America, road trips, Hawaii. I went to a lot of places, including all around the UK, on my own. And it taught me a lot about the world. It exposed me to things that I wouldn't have done otherwise.

1:19:44It gave me new perspectives. It is a real step change in how you see yourself and how you understand the world. And it teaches you what you want. And it gives you insights into how other people live their lives in good and bad ways. It's phenomenal. Connor K. Performance, being in Austin, what are your thoughts on the hybrid athlete? Yes. Austin's kind of the mecca for the hybrid athlete at the moment. I think Nick Bear and Lucy Davies and George Heaton are always coming out here and Jake and the guys. They're making it kind of the center of the universe for it, the moustache, the go -on mohatt, the gym shark shorts, the sulkney running trainers.

1:20:26It's not for me, I'm not built for distance. I mean, everybody knows it's like such a fucking meme now, but that a hybrid athlete is a runner that's a shit -lifter or a lifter that's a shit -runner.

1:20:44It's cool that people are thinking more holistically about their cardiovascular health. It's certainly better for you, I think, than CrossFit is or was because it's less complex, there's less, like, insane loads that are being done under duress and extreme fatigue. That's all info that. Crossfit was fun. I kind of went through my hybrid phase with Crossfit, I guess, like the OG hybrid athlete and now I'm out the other side. I'm getting into running a little bit, but I do not intend on doing a high rocks at all. So sorry. Kyle McCallum. Why don't you use phone cases? That's true. Here we are. Look at this.

1:21:24As James Smith said, I like my phones, how I like my sex, they're back. I don't know, I remember. I can't remember who it was. Someone said, you know, tens of millions, hundreds of millions of dollars of engineer and going into creating this beautiful device that you have that's perfectly designed. And then you go and slap a 15 pound case from Amazon on it and destroy it and it feels horrible and it's clunky. If you've, I mean, I'd like to continue the bear back analogy. Once you have lived with a phone that doesn't have a case for a while, when you pick one up that does, just doesn't feel the same.

1:22:03So, I'll leave that one there. Phoenix Prince 99, honestly curious why you still dress like a student, seems asymmetrical to your online presence. That's a fair point. Ah, look, I dress for comfort. But I really prioritize feeling comfortable. And that means that some variation of kind of pajamas at all times, publicly acceptable pajamas, is usually my approach. Should I be elevating my style? Should I have a stylist who's stepping in and putting me in trendy clothes and having a signature look and stuff probably, but at least for what I do, so much, almost 95 % of what it is that I do is how in the moment am I when I'm writing or thinking or having a conversation with someone, and if I'm not comfortable that detract away from the big thing, that's not to say that I can't dress well or not like a student.

1:23:15And also that I have to be uncomfortable at the same time, I'm aware that that's not necessarily something I have to do. I haven't thought about it that much. I'm being honest the last five years since the beginning of COVID, actually probably last six years, I've just had my head down kind of grinding away, trying to reach some sort of escape velocity with the show. So maybe I'll start paying more attention to my appearance. I like, look, I get stuck up the internet for being all style, no substance, and then that usually gets replied to with what you think he's got style. And I'm like, okay, no style, no substance, fantastic.

1:23:47Thank you. Because the XML model thing, because it'll have island thing and all the rest of it, you would not believe how little time I pay paying attention to my appearance. I hadn't looked in, I'm not I would not look in a mirror before leaving the house when I had my previous hair start. With this I have to at least a little bit. If I've slapped on one side too much, I end up with this sort of like, I don't know, bad guy from an 80s action movies thing going on. Maybe I should pay more attention to my appearance, applications for stylists available below. The Scott Barney, you've taken the advice of literally every guru you've ever interviewed, your jacked, sexy, wealthy wise and yet the last and most important piece of advice you've probably received a hundred times to get married and have children.

1:24:39You don't have any more excuses when are you going to settle down and have kids? That started off so nicely and then we came a fucking intervention. Um, soon man, I hope, I've said this before, I hope that I haven't made a mistake by focusing on different things in my 20s and in a chunk of my 30s as well. I focused on myself. I was very selfish because I could be and I wanted to see the world and I wanted to experience things and I wanted to build a business and become financially free and I wasn't ready. I mean, many people may say you never become ready to be a parent. You just sort of take the leap and it happens.

1:25:27But I certainly know that the person that I was even five years ago, certainly ten years ago, would have been a significantly worse father than I will be. And I like the idea of all of this time that I've spent being for more than just my own vapid need for recognition and to improve myself and feel cool or smart or peaceful or whatever, that all of the additional time that I made my kid's weight arriving on this planet has been spent turning their dad into the sort of person that's really going to be there for them and can really help them to navigate difficult challenges in life and will show up for them in a way that I couldn't have done previously.

1:26:16Hopefully, I don't regret that. I mean, I have frozen my sperm now. Yeah. And I'm getting varicoseal surgery a week on Tuesday. So this is going out on the Saturday, a week on Tuesday, I'm getting literal ball surgery again to improve fertility and also improve testosterone. I'm going to do a vlog about it. Of course, ball surgery, vlog. I'm paying a lot of attention to it and I look forward to being a dad. I look forward to having a family. but I'm glad that I closed the loop on a lot of things first. You know, I don't feel like I've got unrequited dreams from my 20s, from partying, from being liberated, from being able to have adventures and stuff in that way.

1:27:02And the show as well is stable now, and it wouldn't have been that way. If I'd done it earlier, it wouldn't have been that way. So I've reached a particular type of escape velocity or momentum that I can take advantage of. So when am I going to settle down, have kids? Soon, hopefully. Jay Hansen 04xD. How much do you credit this success? Do you're interviewed with Fin Taylor? 100 % actually, it's very interesting that you say that. I kind of the last guy in the human centipede with Fin Taylor being at the front and any scraps of success that I have managed to achieve are downstream from him. That being said, Finn vs.

1:27:42the Internet is one of the best new podcasts that I've listened to. Everyone should go and check it out. And also, if you haven't seen me on Fin Taylor's show, just search Fin FIN vs. the Internet. Chris Williamson, and you will watch me get roasted. Harder than I ever have been for a full 30 minutes straight. So if you feel like you hate me for some reason, and want to see a really witty comedian tear me apart, you can go and do that. Yeah, maybe that'll make you feel happy. Casper 11, are you going to see sleep token on the upcoming US tour? Yes, I am. I will be at the Utah date. I think it's on Monday.

1:28:20There's something for October. I am. I'm going to see architects this weekend in Dallas and Houston. I'm going to be taking the tour bus with them from date to date. I'm seeing Brigham in Dallas and Houston in a couple of months. And then I will be at the Utah date of sleep token. So, say hi if you're there. Lorenzo... Lorenzo Sassalones, three, seven, five, nine. Congratulations, you get the most difficult to pronounce name after the Niki, Niki, Niki, Niki. I just got diagnosed with tinnitus. Have you had it too, any tips? Sorry about that. Mine comes and goes, I've had it and did have it for a long time.

1:29:01And it is fucking ruthless. So first off, it sucks, and I'm sorry. I have to say, for me, carnivore diets, I sound like Michaela Peterson, carnivore diet made a big difference. Being low inflammation, low blood sugar helped me a lot. And I got out the other side of it. And beyond the sort of background that everybody kind of has a little bit, tips for dealing with it. Tinnitus is happening because there is an absence of sound. I sleep with earplugs in, which means that's a nightmare. Try white noise machine and crank it up a little bit. Get a fan or an air doctor or some sort of room filter that makes a bit of noise.

1:29:49Background hum, that'll actually sometimes bring the tinnitus down down because it helps your brain to not have to fill in the gaps in the silence because there's less silence. So white noise fans, something like that that might help too, and low sugar diets, maybe try meat and fruit for a couple of weeks. See how we get on. David Scadron, who wins in a fight between you and Lex Friedman. Lex is Russian and a black belt in Brazilian Gigi, so we all know how this is going to end up. I'm going to leave it there. I've done an hour and a half, Ish. One thing I do want to say, actually, before I finish up, it's like just the OGs at the end.

1:30:29And you know, this is 255 a .m. in a nightclub just before they're about to put the lights on and everyone's desperately looking around for whoever's left and sober that they can go, even sober, whoever's left and to conscious that they can go home with. You might have noticed, at least I have today on this episode, let my words per minute have been higher. I've made fewer speech errors. I've laughed more. I've been more energetic. I've seemed in better spirits. And I'm just reflecting on the fact that I haven't really got to feel that for quite a while. I've been in real maximum sad boy energy for over a year now.

1:31:10I lived in hotels for four months last year. I did a lot of things at fucking sucked, right? All the health bullshit. And what a What a nice treat, what a joy, even if it's just briefly for this time before the hypothermia treatment reverts me back to whatever else, whatever horrible baseline I'm going to live in for the next however long until we fully fix this thing. I really enjoyed doing this today and it's the most I've enjoyed anything in a little while so I hope that came across. I hope it in live and your day that you learned something. and tickets. Chris Williamson .live, come to see me, New York, Boston, Denver, Nashville, Austin, no, Nashville, Soldier, Austin, Salt Lake City, a bunch of other places, Chicago.

1:31:59ChrisWillX .com, slash more bucks, for a list of 100 more bucks that you should read before you die. And I'll see you very soon. Bye.