James Sexton, Matt McCusker & Rick Glassman - Mostly Wise #4 - #1156

20:19I mean, I don't think you want to be... You'd sex it up a bit, remove a couple of top buttons. I don't know that you want to be sexy. I think you want to be... Okay, I'm out. Some people can't help it. Do you face, like, the divorces? This might be a dumb question, but do they ever go to jury? There's no such thing as jury work. It's all bench trials. What's that? What is that? It's the judge. You and the judge. You're persuading the judge, yeah. There's one member of the audience and they're wearing a black robe and that's it. And that's the only person you're going for. I mean, theoretically, like I feel like I'm trying to manipulate everybody in the room because I feel like the court reporter, the court officer, like each of those people, they're going to, when we leave the courtroom, they're going to go with the judge.

20:59Yeah. And I feel like they're going to say like, yeah, Sexton was like kind of a dick. Do you have a - So I want them to all feel good about me. Do you have like an alternate playbook for like, you know, if you have like a lady judge or just like a normal judge? Totally. Totally. A little stumble for a lady judge. There's an old joke that a good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge. but what i think they really mean by that is like you know like there's some judges that like i know they're really into sports so i'll infuse my arguments with like yeah you're gonna counsel throwing a hail mary pass on that one or your honor he's trying to do an end run around the rules of evidence like and you try to like play with some judges like you know okay they like the show like they like the performance so they want me to go in and be snide and cross-examine someone and do the like you know you can't handle the truth kind of thing and some of them they're like they don't like that at all.

21:40And you need to go in and be very like, yes, your honor, your honor, like very like genuflecting. Do you feel like one sex sides with the other any sort of way or? No, I will. A lot of men think, oh shit, we've got a female judge. And they're completely wrong. Yeah. Because women are merciless to women. I can see that, yeah. And I've had judges. I disagree. I've had female judges who will say like, like we'll go into chambers with just the lawyers and off the record and they'll go like, you know, if your client is seriously trying to persuade me that she needs alimony, maybe she shouldn't have worn Louboutins to court today.

22:15I hate that.

22:16Rick Glassman:No dude would notice that. I hate that. I genuinely hate that. Why do you disagree? Yeah, why do you hate that? Well, first of all, I just think putting out there that women are merciless to women is just, it's setting female athletes back a lot. It is a lot. They are. Watch WMEA. It feels very Sidney Sweeney. Look at the Sidney Sweeney case. Yeah, dude. But there's a lot of, no. Dude, you're in your L.A. bubble right now. No, man. Women, women. To be fair, they did support Lindsey Clancy way more than men did. Listen, man. Good lawyers know the law. Great lawyers know the judge. And at the end of the day, no, I'm being serious.

22:52Rick Glassman:At the end of the day, your job is the same as my job. It's to show up authentically with the facts and omit the stuff that will make our clients look bad. And I think it's all manipulative. and if we all change the playing field into saying, here's what it really is, we don't have to worry about who has stubble and who's wearing Louboutins. All we have to worry about is each other. We'll be right back after a word from our sponsors. The supplement industry is full of products making claims that they can't back, which is why I'm such a massive fan of Momentus. Their co-founder, Jeff Byers, played in the NFL and saw firsthand just how wildly the quality of supplements can vary.

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24:33You're also looking at a judge. Where'd you see that? So judges, they work for the state.

24:37Rick Glassman:Hold on. They only make a certain amount of money. Hold on. Where'd you make that up from? Stop cross-examining me. You spent half an hour in his presence, and you feel like it's just by osmosis. Good lawyers know the law. Great lawyers know the judge. And they carry a mustache in their pocket. You just never know when you're going to need one. I'm scared about what else is in the pocket. So in terms of a, let's say, lady judge, would you lean into that and be like, oh, that's Lady judges just feel so antiquated. Yeah. Look at, oh, we got a lady judge. I also made a joke no one picked up on. I said lady judges and regular judges, and everyone was like, yeah, fuck it, that's it.

25:12Rick Glassman:Didn't hear it. I think we would benefit from headphones. I was waiting. Sorry. No, I felt like actually I understood what you meant. Because the image in most people's head, you're like, imagine a judge. It's like an old white dude in a black robe. He's got gray hair. Like, that's what you imagine. When I started 27 years ago, that's what all of the judges looked like. Like, that was all of them. accurate stereotype. Yeah, it was totally accurate. When did they drop the powdered wig? You know, in our system, we never really had the powdered wigs. They still use it over there. Do they really? Yeah, they still do.

25:40They have barristers. Well, they also have a distinction between like a lawyer and a barrister. Like a barrister, like I always make the distinction that I'm a divorce trial lawyer. So like a divorce lawyer, like the majority of divorce lawyers, they're negotiating a transaction. They're like helping people mediate something. They're drawing up contracts. Like a trial lawyer, like I go in and you know like put on the show yeah I cross-examine witnesses I you know do direct testimony like I do argument in court and that's a much smaller subsect of lawyers that's the equivalent of like an English barrister like the ones who go in wear the wig do the whole thing it's like they're a courtroom lawyer and it's a totally different animal is it the same

26:19Rick Glassman:saying over there like a good barrister knows the law a great barrister knows the judge I don't know yeah but it would also be with that the cool accent you know so yeah sound do you ever feel guilty if you've absolutely torn someone a new one they're just totally no no no guilt never no emotion no it's i mean i don't always believe in the client like i represent the client i represent the system i don't always believe in the client but i believe in the system like i believe in the idea i don't know what that means but it seems like it gets you off the hook no i think that i think that we our system is designed our legal system is designed with the presumption of innocence and it's the burden of proof, the concept of the burden of proof and the right to zealous advocacy within the bounds of the law.

27:00So like there's a rule set. There's rules of how evidence gets brought in. You can't go into court and say, I talked to someone who mentioned to me that he saw this guy do this thing. Like there's, you have to be able to confront your accuser on cross-examination. You get to like only certain types of evidence are competent, credible evidence. So we have rules and I like those rules. The truth has a way of coming out. sometimes despite my best efforts. Like people pay me a lot of money to go in sometimes to just throw up smoke and mirrors and red herrings. And there's only so much I can do because the facts have a way of coming out.

27:34Like a mediocre at best lawyer armed with real facts is going to kick my ass because the facts just have a way of coming out sometimes. There's not, you can put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig. Playing in the motions a little. Yeah, so. But to do like a very solid, like all that facts are in a trial is like ingredients. And a good chef can take, you know, great ingredients and make something incredible out of it. But you can't like make something amazing out of garbage ingredients. So I don't feel guilty about it because I think that I believe in the way we do it. I think we have, you know, it's like our legal system is like our democracy.

28:06It's the worst one except for all the other ones. Like I think it's, we have a good model and it works.

28:11Rick Glassman:You put lipstick on a pig, it's a lady. It's a lady judge maybe. I don't condone that. That's going to cost him a trial. I don't condone that. So you said you're playing the game and, you know, you don't feel guilty because these are the rules that we all have to abide by. Do you think there's any significance in the analogy of like some games, like a sport, some people come in with a stronger advantage than another? And like when you're playing a game of basketball and you're up 25 points with one minute left, you don't go and just keep scoring. You kind of hold the ball out of respect. Is there anything to that?

28:46Yeah, I try to be a respectful adversary. I mean, I've had times where I could humiliate opposing counsel and I choose not to because I do as much as I need to do.

28:56Rick Glassman:Is counsel the other lawyer? The other lawyer, yeah. Oh, interesting. Right. You're playing the lawyer. Yeah, that's my competition. That's who I'm fighting. That's where the darkness. I feel like that's like saying you're not allowed to punch too hard if you're in the MMA cage. That person stepped into this. No, you're not allowed to punch too hard once they're already knocked out. Yeah, you want to stop punching once they're down. But there is no down. Yes, there is. The judge calls it. Right, but it's down, at least where the empathy or the sympathy that I thought you were talking about, is that for the other person's client, like being too mean in cross-examination, like doing stuff to them, because they're a real person as opposed to you.

29:29First of all, what I'll tell you is you have to earn the right to beat up a witness. I tell young lawyers who work for me that all the time. Like you cannot go in and just start cross-examining someone to death. Like you have to start soft and get them to commit to principles. And then you have to just, once you just snap their neck with it. Like you have to get them to, and then once you've got them to be snide or evasive or just kind of a dick or revealed them to lie. That would make me soft. Then you have a right to just knock them out.

29:57Rick Glassman:It would, honestly. I start soft, I get to know the person a little bit, and then there's connection. and if they were to be snide, it would make me soft again. It would. Really? Yeah. You wouldn't try. I've heard you say that you can't be intimate unless you're in love with someone. Not true, but I have a different - Hang on, so did you not say that? I never said that. I said I have to like somebody. I said I don't have to. So I don't have sex with people that I sometimes would want to from a superficial place. Like, oh, maybe we're making out and this person, I'm very attracted to them. But if I don't feel a connection with the person, I'm literally not able to maintain an erection.

30:33Did your therapist or did they not suggest that you try and have more casual sex with people? Yes. How's that working out?

30:40Rick Glassman:This was like 10, this was 2016. I tried it for a couple of years. Why did they say that to you? I mean, I could tell you the answer to this. It'll probably take a few minutes so you guys could interrupt or I could not say it. But I mean, I feel like that's not what people do. Was it like psycho analysis? I actually find it very interesting. Sure. So at the time I was going through a breakup where my partner, my ex-partner had slept with a lot more people than me. I don't think the feeling was jealousy. I'm sure there was something there. But it wasn't like I didn't think anything was wrong. What I felt was from a kid-like feeling, I noticed that I felt like, oh, she's cooler than me.

31:22Rick Glassman:Logically, I don't think that's what makes somebody cool. but at that point in my life, I had not had casual sex and my partner had, and I'm like, man, that's cool. And I had been in positions where I was too scared to sleep with somebody, whether it's performance anxiety, or I don't like this person, whatever it is, I wasn't in touch with at the time. So in therapy, we had this conversation of like, well, maybe if I slept with more people, I would think I was cooler, or I would notice that's not what makes somebody cooler. I had questions and I didn't have answers. So why don't you try sleeping with people.

31:52Rick Glassman:And it's like, I genuinely was like doing that for the data. Does that make sense? Like, I was like, how will I feel after sleeping with somebody? And when I, so then I went through a few years where I was like trying to do this and I noticed sometimes I enjoyed it. And sometimes I felt like I had erectile dysfunction and like this, and also like you're wearing condoms and that's tougher in there and blah, blah, blah, blah. And then that kind of fed itself where I was kind of, I was starting to get performance anxiety. I never had that before. and I was starting to get performance anxiety. And then I remember, this is a longer story, but somebody convinced me to sleep with them.

32:28Rick Glassman:I didn't want to. She was in the neighborhood. I'm like, I don't think I would do this. Please let me just come. It's like what you would fantasize about if you were somebody else. Let me just come do this. And I'm like - She's like a strong negotiator. Yeah. Amazing. She was a strong negotiator. Like the Chris Voss of pussy. You should be. You know what I mean? That's amazing. I'm telling you something, I've never - She hurtled every obstacle. I'll come to you. Like I fancied myself something of a coxman back in the day, but I have to tell you, no woman has ever been like, let me tell you, I need to talk you into this.

32:56You would be surprised what's incredible. It's an objection handling. Very well. Also, is this, and forgive the question, but is this a, like a 4D chess level of game? Because I feel like women would respond to that.

33:07Rick Glassman:So I've noticed it's, I am very direct because if I'm not, I'm not present anymore. so like an example that would be if i'm texting with somebody and they're going to come over my place and it's 11 30 p.m the implication is we're going to have sex i don't want that implication i want to know that we could if there's a connection but if she comes over and i don't say anything i'm going to feel like oh she probably wants to do this if we don't do this she's going to be upset that she came or whatever so before somebody comes over i will literally say something like hey i understand the implication is sex i'm not saying that you want to have sex i'm not saying that we will or we won't, I'm attracted to you.

33:45Rick Glassman:And if that happens, I mean, it's really like, it's a great filtering system because if they're not for that, let me know now, because I don't want to go soft on you later, you know? So like, and then when somebody comes over where we don't have to have sex, that's the only way I can. Does that make sense? So there is pressure involved, not just on what I'm, because there still is this thing inside of I talk about this on stage a little bit for my stand-up act, which is I didn't have my first kiss until I was almost 18. And I still have this feeling of like, if I don't kiss you, you're going to think I'm a loser.

34:19Rick Glassman:I don't think that's really a thing, but I'm still very scared to kiss somebody for the first time. So like I've found ways of communicating this and I do think people respond well to it. And if they don't, I'm not for them. but what I learned was oh if I'm sleeping with somebody and like I don't really want to and they're just a great negotiator or I'm doing this because I don't want to be there's generally a thing like I'll I'll have sex with you because I don't want I don't want to be mean like you know like you came all the way over here this is what you wanted. Teddy fuck. Um guilty fuck.

34:53Rick Glassman:It's uh it's uh you know what I make more money than you let me pay for it or you make more money than me you pay for it. Like sometimes we feel obligated and the obligation makes sense. Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't think of it as a pity fuck. It's like, I morally, I, I don't think this is wrong. Like I'm not judging the person or me. I just, my I'm full. I don't want to eat, but I, I needed to learn what my intolerances were. And what I realized was if I'm, if after sex, I don't want you to stay here and watch something with you. And I don't like you. and or I don't feel like you really like me, I don't want to sleep with you.

35:29Rick Glassman:I don't have to be in love with you. We don't have to be in a relationship, but I want to feel safe. And I think that's for everybody. Why don't you just say you can come here and if you can't get me hard, we're not doing it. That way you put it on her. If you don't get me hard, no dice. I think that's great. I think that's just not my style. That's direct. What are you talking about direct? But my issue isn't, can you get me hard? My issue is, do I want to be hard with you? You know what I mean? Like, like I've, I've, I can't think about it's a boner. You can't think about boners. I stopped having sex with a woman this year.

36:00Rick Glassman:Cause I'm like, I'm, I can't do this with you anymore. Don't think about boners ever again. Don't even, if you're, if it's a matter of getting hard, don't run it through your brain. It's not about going soft. It's about going hard. You're worried about getting hard. I'm not worried. No, you have a truly erectile dysfunction. That's why I said you start soft and then you work your way in. But no, what I'm saying is I'm not worried about it either way anymore. What I'm saying is if I want to be with you, I will probably be hard. My penis is basically saying, do you like this person? It's not a moral decision.

36:32Rick Glassman:It's a buddy that's like, Rick, this one's not for you. That's crazy. And that's funny because I feel like my penis always gave me the absolute wrong data. Yeah. A lot of men are that way. Because you're describing the penis as the weather vane. you know that you're sort of like okay what what's my real feeling with this person my real connection with him and do we really have something i feel like my penis is the absolute opposite yeah it's like if my penis is super interested it's like oh this is a bad person for you it's like a tongue that thinks it wants a lot of sugar yeah exactly right like it's like then you get a stomach it wants like big boob goth girls with daddy issues like and i'm very like whoa no no you don't want you've had a lot of those and it always ended badly Big Titty Goth Bitch is dangerous.

37:15I don't know. By the way, I was into that way before anybody. Yeah, I keep hearing that. Big Titty Goth Bitches. I'm 54. I was into that with Suzy and the Banshees. Like, I was into that. Suzy and the Banshees. When MDMA was legal, I was into that. Like, that's crazy. I was at New York in the limelight. Trent Reznor, you know, Nine Inch Nails opening for Peter Murphy. With Big Titty Goth Bitches. With Big Titty Goth Bitches in the audience. Now Drake's into that. Yeah, they're hot right now. I've never gotten into that. They're having a moment. Never got into the Big Titty. Who saw that coming?

37:41Big Titty Goth or Goths in general never had a thing for them. Big Boobs and Diet Coke are coming back. Pale Chicks in Black. Pale Chicks in Black. Pale Chicks in Black. They're huge right now. Yeah, they're having a whole thing. They're having a moment. If you could invest in them. Oh, yeah, buy. Big buy right now. Underpriced market. Yeah. A quick aside, if you've wanted an eight sleep but could never quite justify the price, things just got very interesting. They've somehow managed to make it significantly better and cheaper at the same time. Introducing the brand new Pod 6. It's now 50 % smaller, meaning it fits under most bed frames.

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38:50That's E-I-G-H-T sleep.com slash modernwisdom and modernwisdom at checkout. Okay, so what were you saying? Your dick is like Jiminy Cricket. It's like a... I've been saying it for weeks. Pinocchio.

39:01Rick Glassman:It even has the hat. Like Pinocchio. After sex... Inverse Pinocchio. After sex with somebody, and after eating a meal, if I feel like, oh, that was good, I enjoyed that. Sometimes you eat a meal and it gives you a stomach ache. Sometimes you eat a meal and you feel good, but it was boring. If I like, hey, you know what? We're going out to dinner tonight. I'm getting steak. I'm getting cake. I'm not going to feel bad about it because there was intention behind it. So I'm not saying that casual stuff is bad and just pure intimacy is all that's okay. I'm saying that what's the intention of this? Is the intention like, ooh, those are big boobs.

39:34Rick Glassman:let's let's plant a flag in this that just doesn't get me off like I I love connection and I don't just feel that way in like romantic intimacy I feel that way in friendships I love eye contact I love laughing I want to like you and I again that's not just having sex with somebody like I don't want to do this podcast and come to Austin if we didn't do this and I didn't have a nice time with you like friends I love having friends I love having sex with somebody that I like and maybe that'll turn into something and if not it's a delicious chocolate cake and it was intentional yeah i think the intentionality thing is interesting because for me like i i always felt like when it came to sex in particular that whenever you had in your mind okay we're gonna have great sex like i'm gonna have like it's valentine's day or it's like or it's whatever we're going on this date night or we're gonna have great sex it's always like oh that was good or whatever but like the sex that like you just didn't like on a tuesday that you just randomly were like maybe we will maybe we won't and then you have like just mind-blowingly good sex like that you weren't like trying to have good sex i've always found like the best sex snuck up on you in some way and and that could be a function of the fact that like there wasn't intentionality as to the sex there was just sort of intentionalities to the connection with the person so i get what you're like i think the underlying concept and i think up front the big titty goth bitches underperform from what's predicted yeah yeah yeah it was in my experience yeah sort of uh well because i think also too there's a question of like if you're good looking enough or like you've you know that just sort of being present is sufficient and it's like no way that's true oh they're low-balling the effort because they think look at all the time yeah yeah yeah i used to say about you like i felt like you could be a lot dumber you could afford to be a lot dumber He used to be.

41:23No, but I really was. Like when I met you, I was like, you know, when I first was introduced to your work, I remember being like, oh, okay. So he's like, if Lex was like really good looking, you know, like it's somebody like, he doesn't, he's probably just like a good looking dude, but he's not probably that, you know, deep. And then the first couple of times we talked and you were like, just so much you've read. And so I was like, holy God. So you're saying that I benefit from very low expectations. Yes. Yeah, totally. Totally. That's kind of the way I would probably be able

41:48Rick Glassman:to give you a boner. I think you guys are misunderstanding. That's a million dollar question. That's all I've been thinking about. Just let him. Would any of us give him a boner? Just let him have it. I mean, let Chris. Just have him give it to me. Tell him when you came in, you saw him, you had one right away. Just don't be rude. It's rude. You're being rude to his emotional experience. There's many different kinds of boners. There's blood flowing into your penis, and then there's body getting excited to connect with somebody. You gave him an emotional boner. Yeah. Aw, that's cute. That's nice.

42:14Another thing that I've heard you say.

42:16Rick Glassman:Rick. Yes, Rick. Yes. Another thing that I've heard you say. do you not think it's weird like when you drop someone's name that you know during a conversation that you're in the middle of feels strange like rick let me tell you something that i've noticed it feels like you're a salesman or a side close friends would never do that read way too much like when friends have influenced people yeah i mean it feels like a sales technique i like you uh you've said it's hard so you found it hard sometimes to find someone who is both funny and you're attracted to yes is before you fucking accuse me of misquoting you is that one correct Yes.

42:47Why? What do you think? What do you think is happening?

42:50Rick Glassman:Well, in a similar thing to that, you could afford to be stupider. The better, this is a blanketed statement, but the better looking somebody is in their developmental years, the less need, not that it's impossible, but the less need it is for them to learn how to connect with people in a way where they offer value. So if you're beautiful, you offer value. If you're not, what's your value? Now, that's not necessarily the case, but like when you see a really, really funny, really, really good looking guy, chances are he was fat when he was younger. Is that fair to say? Very fair. Or was a magician.

43:26Rick Glassman:Unpopular. Whatever it might be. I don't think you're funny. In fact, you couldn't even get me hard. But what I will say is you're hilarious and I'm hard right now. Thanks. I think that for you to be beautiful and funny, it's just, you know, like remember in The Matrix when he was looking for a certain weapon, but you keep like, or those car commercials. I want, you know, an SUV, but it's got to be American made and it's got to be green. And eventually there's only seven of them. So I think when you take those, those are big, like in guess who, those are two big categories and knock people out.

43:57Rick Glassman:Is this person good looking? Yes. All right. Most people are gone. Is this person funny? Yes. There's only a few left. And do you look for funny? Like, I've always wondered this about comics. Like, do comics want to date fucking funny people? Not at all. Because like, I would never want to date a lawyer. No. There's a difference between being a performer that's always on and annoying, two thumbs, or somebody that's just funny and that you laugh with and gets it and is funny. I don't think I've had a girlfriend ever that wasn't funny. Really? Ever. Would dating, do you think a comedian dating another comedian would kind of be a bit of a nightmare?

44:31I've never done it. I can imagine it might be. Why would it be a nightmare? Because comedians are inherently jealous of each other usually. and then if you're in a relationship and like one of them's gonna be doing better than the other and then they get jealous of that and it's also like if I had to deal with like if I had a girlfriend and she just bombed and now I gotta deal with that after the fact it would fucking suck you think it would kill the bono? it's the last thing you want to deal with and if she was bombing I'd be like

44:58Rick Glassman:there is something about seeing somebody doing their thing not specifically comedy but when you see them doing their thing well it's attractive I disagree. Okay. It's not that it's unattractive. I just don't give a fuck. I don't care. You don't think competence is sexy? Like someone being good at a thing? It doesn't turn me on. It's just like, nice job. Good job. It's like a high five. I'm not going to kiss you. If you do a good job, I'm not like, oh, fuck, I'm so fucking hard right now. It's like, hey, great job. But would it not be more of a boner killer if someone did something badly? No, I don't think it's a boner killer.

45:30As long as, like, I've done lots of things badly. But imagine how many people's boners that's killed. I don't want to even think about it.

45:37Rick Glassman:I don't read the comments. Yeah, I just, I don't have that when it's like, damn, you're like killing it up there. I'm just kind of like, it's good. Proud of you, you know, like good job. Well, that's it. Pride, you're, I think it's attractive. We're attracted to people that we're proud of. I mean, I think watching LeBron James do his thing, I'm not sexually attracted to him, but it's like, fucking, I want, that guy's awesome. That guy's talent and competency, I just think is attractive. But you're, like Matt, I think your style is, I mean, I don't know you that well, but like I feel like you seem very comfortable in your own skin, especially for a comic.

46:11Like I represent a lot of comics and I will tell you like they're the least comfortable in their own skin so much of the time. I think sometimes when they're on stage and they're like doing their thing that they've kind of precisely honed. But like you seem in conversation just very kind of comfortable in your own skin. Like you don't have a hard time disagreeing. Is that what it is? No, honestly, I actually wonder that. If it is like an act or if it's like a defense mechanism or if it's legitimately how you are. Like, I don't know. You know, it could just be your Irish. Like, that's sort of like, yeah.

46:40I think that's it, honestly. Yeah, no, for real. I was married to an Irish girl. Like, and she was, and we were getting divorced. She was like, dude, if this is over, you're gonna have to end it. I'm Irish. I'll stay fucking miserable forever. Did you represent yourself? Yep. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we were friends. Like, we were, you know, we got divorced two years ago. Yeah, super friends. We have two kids. We're great. Like, she's been remarried 15 years to a great dude. Like, we all get along. Nice. get her on the pod yeah yeah i think i'm pretty comfortable on certain certain dimensions of life i'm like very very comfortable yeah but i don't know i'm not like very like in like a party i'm uncomfortable if i go to a party i feel fucking no no but you just seem like like your beliefs don't require me to believe them yeah like you're you seem very comfortable saying like i listened to the conversation you have with chris and i was very like you know you disagreed with him a few times but it was very like not in that defensive like no i have to explain myself yeah it's like comfortable in your own argument or your own skin or your own reasoning and it's like like even before when you were talking about like oh i think guys should be 100 and you know like you're very confident in that and it doesn't seem like you're trying to persuade me like you need me to agree with you true yeah i don't have that people disagree it doesn't bother me no the comics like it's true they're very you know they're they're so um paralyzed by like i don't know a lot of comics that don't read the comments like i think they incessantly read the fucking yeah And then they say they don't because that's what you're supposed to say.

47:57But they are absolutely powerful. And they read, if you believe the good reviews, you have to believe the bad ones. So you either have to just be like, whatever, I'm going to keep moving. No, it's funny because a lot of listeners are always like, they'll kind of harp on different, it's like a parasocial thing where you're obsessed with these podcasters. The podcasters are almost as obsessed with the listeners as the listeners are them because you do read the comments. So you are kind of living and dying by the comments. a lot of the times. And then I think what happens is you get to a point where like you get like one great comment and then a horrible comment right next to each other and you just kind of go, fuck, I don't know.

48:34I don't know what to believe and you just try to ignore it. Or just like really just think about like I have also a life to live. You know what I mean? Like this is on the internet. It's not necessarily. But a lot of comics have put their entire life into that audience recognition, right? If you don't like me, I don't like me. Because that's what bombing is. Bombing is going up and doing your job and the audience not reacting in the way that you thought they were going to. And then that just bleeds a little bit. It hurts. Oh, well, I'm not a good person. It's not just that I had a bad night or the audience was wrong or the room was too hot or whatever the fuck.

49:05It's like, oh, and now maybe I am unworthy and I suck and I'm going to live under a bridge and everything's going to go to hell.

49:12Rick Glassman:I think in talking about the sex stuff and being on stage, there's a lot of similarities to this. And I really think when you're going into something with intention, that is your North Star. and if you go up on stage and you wanted to try something and it didn't go well, but you weren't there to kill, you were there to get information, do you connect to this at all? No, sort of. What I try to do, and I'm not like 100 % like this, is I still, if I'm doing well or doing bad, I'm like, oh, fuck, I suck. But I try to be like, I'm going to try my best to forget about myself and make sure these guys laugh and have a good time.

49:45And if I don't get them to laugh, it's like, I just didn't do that. So you're very in service. So that would be you focusing on the cunnilingus as opposed to what am I getting in the channel? That's me doing the alphabet on the audience. If we were looking at this like a cultural anthropologist, I feel like there's a breed of comedian happening right now. And you and Shane, I think, are emblematic of it. Where it just seems like you're trying to make yourselves and each other laugh. Yeah. And then the audience just happens to sort of be there. And again, I don't know if that's intentionality or if it's by design.

50:18but it just, I think it's really resonating because we're in this moment where everything's so fucking performative all the time. Like social media, like everyone's an ad for themselves and for their own life and showing everyone their greatest hits. And all of a sudden there's this like brand of comic that I think you're part of. I think Shane is emblematic of, of like this, just like, yeah, they're just fucking talking. And again, I know it's curated. I know a lot of it is like really thought through. It's not at all. Really, it's not. Okay, I assume. We just try to make each other laugh. But it seems so natural and it seems so like you're trying to make each other laugh and you're cracking up a whole audience of people.

50:54But it doesn't feel like you're trying to. And then it sort of feels like I'm in on the joke, like I'm in the clubhouse. And I think that it's a that's like a new thing. Like it's kind of like when you hear like some type of music and you're like like the first time I heard Jungle or the first time you hear it and you're like, dude, that's a totally different sound. Like that's a different sound that it's a subtle play on something. but I don't know it just seems to me like that's a very um it's what I find very interesting about you yeah well it's funny when we started we were both I was 30 I was like 30 living on an air mattress and I had kind of been like I'm going to be one of those like weird uncles that like lives by himself and like the kids come to me I had accepted that and I think he had a similar thing he's like I'm a fucking loser and we were just making each other laugh and then things worked and we're both still like we're fucking losers and we just but I think it's landing in a moment because everyone is so constantly trying to convince everyone that they're not a loser and they're amazing and they're incredible and everyone's sort of clout chasing and everyone's like look at who i'm adjacent to and yeah when you kind of don't get that you kind of are you know you're adjacent to i'm just excited outside of the

51:57Rick Glassman:baby love of that you guys want to get high i brought edibles yeah are we going to be going on for a long time i have sworn off of edibles i had i had an i'm good right now i'm good loser Sure. It'll kick in by the time we're done. I had a hellish edible experience. I was always like a classic stoner. I had a terrible, terrible edible experience. I had a 10 gram. It said it was 10 grams. It was, I don't know what it was. I was just in the void. I felt like I'd eaten like three grams of mushrooms. So I'd like to ask, and please don't answer right away. Take at least two seconds to consider my question.

52:35Rick Glassman:I would like to do this because it's fun and then like the back hour of this I'll be a little stoned am I too much already? not at all you're perfect you answered quick I do want to switch your chair out given that you broke in the full pool buddy thank you we've already got a chair ready I thought he had a prop in his pocket I was like I didn't want to rubble or something that was squeaking and I was like this is going to be weird Fuck that chair, dude. Tell me if this sounds familiar. You train regularly, you eat reasonably well, you feel fine, but you're just kind of going off vibes. Most people have absolutely no idea what's going on inside their body.

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54:05Rick Glassman:I'm going to get silly. It's fine. Get silly. I have like Adderall and Xanax and I could bring all that. We really just make this a whole grab bag. Precise dosing is impressive. Thank you. I like to do five milligrams. I'm on a little bit of a time-released magic mind at the moment. So when it's with caffeine, I don't want too much weed. Yeah. All right. You talked about advertising online. Edit that in. Did you see that tech exec lady who shared her non-negotiable dating requirements on Twitter? Do you see this trended like fuck the other day? Okay. So this Brooke LeBlanc girl tweeted, who wants to co-found the rest of my life with me?

54:50She wrote out a list of what she's looking for and then said, X, work your magic. Oh, here it is. non-negotiables 35 to 42 years old healthy masculine smart funny light-hearted provider slash protector mentality post-economic brackets still hard working what does that mean that means you have enough money that you don't have to be working but you're oh you can live off here must be kind generous thoughtful no kids yet decidedly wants kids on the healing path history of serious commitment ex-therapist books retreats can meet anywhere but will not date unless live in the same city. Fit and sober because you care about your health.

55:23Strongly preferred. No previous marriages or engagements. Works in tech. Brackets comfortable with risk and career is blended into personal life.

55:30Rick Glassman:Well, in five years, I'll match all of those things. So is she pretty and funny? She deleted a Twitter after the response this got. Really? Yeah. I mean, this one. People mad about it or were they like this? Mixed reviews. I do want to try and work out how many men on the planet that is. It would be an unbelievably small number. How old is she? Just the post-economic. The post-economic still hardworking would be. What makes post-economic? How much money do I have to have? Because that's that one. And depending on what city she lives in and me only being 30. I think you get 50 ,000 per million dollars you have invested.

56:05Is that true? Well, if you were 35 to 42 and you no longer had to work, then let's. Yeah, but it depends on your lifestyle. like I could do that now if I you know just flew economy plus yeah but if you want to marry have children which I would never do yeah dude

56:20Rick Glassman:I invested really well when I was young really? yeah yeah like when he was five yeah that's nice early Uber money so you're post economic but still hard working no no I don't think so still hard working that's what they're saying they're saying you don't have to work and you can live but it depends like the lifestyle that I want to live I think that you would want to live I'm not post economic yeah but like I could live like you guys maybe middle of Manhattan yeah That's good. Good stuff. You know about his holiday homes? No. What do people say to this lady? Oh, I'm sure she got pilloried. Yeah, because it's like...

56:59People do realize what percentage of men would fill all of it. It was very few. I mean, a lot of them were the post-economic, still hard-working thing. And it was the terminology of post-economic. Just referring to it. Is that like on the All In podcast, Jason Calacanis, who is kind of the host and at least on paper appears to be the one that's the least rich of all. They refer to him as asset light compared with the rest of the dudes that are all billionaires. Post-economic and asset light. Asset light is the most diplomatic way to say, hey, you poor. It's also funny. This is a lady who probably has like a doctorate in computer sciences.

57:31It's like, I'm going to marry a prince. She's like a tech exec. Smart, funny, lighthearted, provider, protector mentality. Must be kind, generous, thoughtful. No kids yet, decidedly once kid. On the healing path, history of serious commitment, ex-therapist, books, retreats. This is an interesting one. can meet anywhere but will not date unless live in the same city fit and sober because you go what is decidingly wants kids versus just wants kids level of certainty maybe which one is more like not i think there there's a type of man that's like oh i could imagine having kids versus like i would like to have kids within three to five years like it decidedly like yeah i get freaked out by people who frame their life in business terminology who wants to co-found my life with it's like oh yeah but that's like that's there's a blend right now i think i was talking about this over dinner the other night that like there's a blend of yoga babble and business babble like hybrid together it's a venn diagram yeah where it's like you do the like helicopter view and paradigm shift but then you also have to talk about like energy and vibes and like it's a it's this like blend of yoga babble and business babble that's it's huge right now in new york we need to Align the aura to ensure that we can loop back by end of day.

58:42Exactly right. Yeah, by EOB. Or like your EBITDA and also your guru or your mantra. This is a question I've had. I've never had it answered. In terms of like, so say you have like a super successful, super rich man. It's easy to figure out what they see for themselves, how they would enjoy their money and wealth alone as a bachelor. how do you think a super successful rich woman on say like 40s 40 50s side of life how do they tend to like display and enjoy their wealth if they a nancy myers kitchen yeah yeah like a like a la conch oven or they travel a lot of travel a lot of luxury goods women women um success like when we do prenups for very successful wealthy women in new york the amount of like luxury goods that they have is usually through the roof, like Birkin bags, you know,

59:35Rick Glassman:things that are$20,$30 ,000 a pop. Because it's more watches, cars, houses, maybe. Yeah, yeah. Women are not as into the watches. It's like we do, you know, we've had... I also like collectibles. Million dollar wine collections, million dollar, couple million dollar watch collections. Like men collect stuff like that. There's a, there's a, this, I think that tweet is emblematic of a, there's a lot of like, the internet is spending a lot of time gassing women up about the like, you're a queen, you're a boss, you're a boss, babe. Like you deserve, like you deserve the best out there. You deserve.

1:00:07Whereas men are, I don't think as many men are being told like, you deserve a queen. Like it's sort of a, you know, like just shut up, dude. You deserve, like have a woman. Like, yeah, I think there's a lot, I see it in prenups. Like I'm doing, you know, a lot of prenups right now. And the list of like demands that women are coming in with of like, oh, this is what, because women tend to, and this is fact, like women tend to marry even or up, like economically. Men usually down. Like they don't, like if you say to most men, tell me the three things you're looking for in a woman that you want to be serious with.

1:00:44She's a good provider is never cracks even the top 10.

1:00:47Rick Glassman:Provider is economics, not family. Yeah, provider meaning economically. Like I want a good earner. Like most men would not say in the top five things. They'd say, oh, I want someone pretty. I want someone who's thoughtful. I want someone who'd be good kids. I want someone who's going to be supportive of me. You know, I want someone who's getting bad. My grandpa used to say, he didn't give me advice on relationships ever. The only thing that came close is he used to say, marry someone wealthy. I mean, listen, I think that, you know, the first million is the hardest. So if you can inherit wealth, I've represented a lot of like inherited wealth people.

1:01:17And they, in my experience, fall into two categories. There's like the ones who just are, they inherited all this money and they're amazing. Like they speak five languages. They still went to university. They have graduate degrees. Like they've done wells in Sudan. And then there's like the opiate addicted, complete screw up ones who are like started on, you know, third and act like they hit a double.

1:01:37Rick Glassman:Have you noticed an observation that, that I'm making up, but I feel like confident in that when those are the case, usually the ones that knows five languages is the oldest, eldest child. And the other one is younger. Yeah. I think when you have an overachieving eldest sibling, you're like, I'm fighting to tie. and why would I do this? So you just kind of get, it's like a learned helplessness. Like you just sort of go like, I'm never going to be as good as that one. So I might as well just be the screw up, you know, and have some fun with it. And I think when you have that much opportunity, like financially, you can have a really good time.

1:02:08So you're like, why would I bother working at this? What's the craziest thing that you've ever seen put into a prenup? The craziest thing that was enforceable was if for every 10 pounds that she gained during the marriage, she lost$50 ,000 in alimony.

1:02:22Rick Glassman:Well, I mean, you put on 50 pounds, it's a quarter million dollars yeah not that dramatic yeah i mean it's horrible no no per year per year in alimony so it's significant i've posed this question before but if you were with someone and for every 10 pounds they gained it unlocked a new like never you could never imagine sexual act how heavy would you go as long as she's healthy and happy that's what i'm saying i said she'd explode yeah i'd go big i'd blow her up until she popped you'd be like my 800 pound wife yeah you'd be bringing you'd be bringing home buttermilk you'd be like i want to see what i have no patience i would be like i want this by friday i'm calling in sick yeah i would just love to see yeah it'd be fun to like get to that frontier i think the scarier question is if it was for every five pounds they lost how thin would you let them get like would you be like straight up just you know they got to be happy like a tournament camp like how would you be going you know yeah i might if i'm seeing ribs i'm like i don't like that i don't like if i'm women are too bony if i'm like i don't like this stuff no yeah that's not my like a nice stout want a stout moment yeah yeah yeah rubenesque yes like the guy from american idol who uh rams jackson no he's a he was a little heavier rubens um no he's rubenesque like the fat little angels and i wonder if that's where he got his name wow that's exactly that's exactly what i'm going for yeah is that the guy you meant yeah so when when people say ruben-esque you think this guy of ruben's if they go ruben-esque i think of it okay yeah because he has a does he stutter uh no i think that's just his surname surname is last name right yes thought so yeah yeah uh i see i know because in the divorce i guess his premarital surname you were talking about uh women are being told like you're a princess you deserve yeah and i think they're coming in unless you're a woman judge coming into prenup nego lady judge uh prenup negotiations not a normal one is there a judge or a lady judge by the way i'm now gonna fuck up in court like i'm gonna walk in and be like lady your honor i mean i'm sorry your honor i'm sorry your honor there's a there's a guy who is being dragged online at the moment his wife was carrying kids i saw today drink we have to watch this it's the funniest thing i've seen so you're talking about like women you deserve it all well this is in some ways a woman who got it all uh but she's stuck in the stands at a sports game uh here it is i mean she oh wow okay she's got the diaper bag she's got the kid oh look yeah his phone's plugged in that makes a quite a big difference because he's out of charge i think she's a an olympic champion did i just hear that guy she's got three plates to forget something God.

1:05:11So he's getting kind of... So he's like modern Kevin Federline. Yeah, well, like... Oh, they went back to him. They went back to him, Sutter. Oh, my goodness. Are you kidding me? Oh, he's complaining about his meal. Did you forget something? He's getting the king treatment. Oh, man. Yeah, that's... I'll see that every now and again, though. when I fly, you'll see the women carrying all the gear sometimes.

1:05:39Rick Glassman:I offer, I offer to help. I've often, almost every time never takes me up on, they never take, never take up. They get kind of particular though, when they fly, when you fly with a woman with all like kid gear, they can get very like, but sometimes they are by themselves and there's so much stuff. And it's like, I travel with my dog and sometimes it's a little inconvenient. I have so much empathy for that. It seems so difficult. It's an interesting thing when the response is like, I, I ride the subway all the time because it's the fastest way to get anywhere in new york and i i was raised with you give your seat to you know a woman any woman or like anyone who's older or anything so like an older man or somebody and so anytime i'm sitting and then like the car gets crowded and it's like you know even a young woman you know i'll i'll stand up and i'll go would you like to sit and it's like you get one of two reactions like and and they're both fairly strong like one is like Like the, what?

1:06:31No. Like, you know. And the other is like, oh, yeah. And they like almost kind of don't know what to do with themselves. And then when you like leave, they're like, thank you or whatever. I think it's such a like moved by it. So it's interesting how polarized it is that it's like there's no in between of it. It's either like an extreme reaction of like positive or an extreme reaction of like, wait, what? No, why? Why would I, you know, like, because I mean, technically I'm probably, you know, older and more infirm, I guess, than this young woman would be. But there's just something sort of, I think, romantic about like that male, like that chivalry thing.

1:07:04I mean, I was raised in that world and I think that there's something to it, you know, but I don't know. I think there's so much that's in the prenups I'm doing right now. I see a lot of young women coming in with like a list of things that they're going to demand. What like? More water, for example. Like they want a. Is that a hint? Yeah. Thank you. So are they the ones, the guy's penning the prenup and they're like, here are my conditions or are women hitting guys with prenups now? No, no. Women aren't hitting guys with prenups because women are, like I said, generally economically. Unless they come from family money.

1:07:40Let's say that on average, your client's probably the guy is the one that's coming in with more. Usually with the prenup. Yeah. But is the woman able to say, well, here are some demands that I've got in this thing? Yes. And it should be that. Like a prenup conversation should be that conversation. It should be, hey, what would we need? Like, I think, you know, when you love someone, you're saying, I want to protect your heart, right? Even from me. Like, if I screw this up, if this ends somehow, like every marriage ends, it ends in death or divorce. So if this doesn't end in death, if it ends in divorce, which statistically is more likely, what do we owe each other?

1:08:14What would you need? And I think most successful, economically successful men, if you say, you know, she's entitled to one half of everything you have, it would be like, well, that doesn't seem necessarily fair. But if you say she's entitled to nothing, they really, well, that's not fair either. Like she's making sacrifices and choices and there's things that like she's diminishing her long term economic capacity being a supportive other to me. So, but what is, what does she need? What would she need to feel safe? Like, I don't think you can feel loved if you don't feel safe. I think both people should feel safe, like safe that you're not going to take tremendous economic advantage of me and safe that you're going to, you know, that you're going to be here and be present and love me.

1:08:55And, you know, that you're not going to leave me in the lurch if we split up and take everything. So what are the sort of demands from the women? I mean, I've seen some really, really baller ones, like where like specifics of how much they want per month as a personal care budget for things like, you know, cosmetic stuff. During the marriage. During the marriage.

1:09:13Rick Glassman:Do women ever do like, if you're like for every three centimeters, your penis shrinks as you age, I get X more dollars. Or is there anything superficial like that? I don't know that that happens with penises, but I don't. There's something called buried penile syndrome, which is becoming increasing. What do you mean? Buried penile syndrome. It's when you get so fat, like the fupa, the male fupa begins to like subsume the penis. you know like if you let loads of grass grow up around a a rock and then you'd be like where's the rock and you go it's there but it's just like you have to little and yeah i think five percent five percent of american men can't see you know how peter griffin even when he's naked is never nude like he's always covered because he's got the gun you're really smart thanks he's got the gun yeah smarter than he needs to be you know that's true for a guy you could probably see all of his penis that's true most of it you know why can't you see all of it it's too far away the tip is too far away i mean everyone can push down on the sides and get a little more i when yeah absolutely you know it's funny that you say that because a lot of people don't know about that and i remember that every now and then there's conversations about how big your wiener is and i always give two answers i give what it is and what it is if i push the sides there you go uh one of my friends used to take photos you know the little cans of diet coke that you can get on a plane like 175 he used to take a photo of the that would be somewhere in the photo for like but you would have turned it so you wouldn't know it was a 175.

1:10:37That's some fucking 300 IQ. You talk about me being smart. What a bummer. Holy shit, dude. Fugazi. When did prenups, were they always around? Or like, what's the history of them? When are they coming to play? Prenups have been around a long time. Who invented the prenup?

1:10:50Rick Glassman:1947, 1497 Germany. Wow. 1467. Prenups have been around a long time. They've been enforceable in a real way since the 1960s. they really didn't get super popular with the general population until maybe like 20 years ago is that because the things changed or is that because women started being respected a little bit no i i think that it was a function of that the people started to see the marriage fail rate being as high as it is and started to say like okay there's going to be a rule set applied to this? Is it one that we want written by the government or is it one that maybe we want to write together in some fashion?

1:11:32I think in the late 1800s in England, the total number of divorces is like in the 1890s, one year, the total number of divorces was like five in all of England. So you just don't need a function for something that's never happening. You don't need protection against something that's the tailest of tail risk. Yeah. But there were, there were always people that like went out for milk and never came back. Yeah. Like that was like a very like relationships, I mean, I always think it's funny because people quibble with me sometimes about, you know, like, oh, is the divorce rate 46 % or is the divorce rate 50 %?

1:12:06And it calculates in like, well, their second and third marriages have a higher divorce rate. The guys in the Navy SEALs have got over 100 % divorce rate.

1:12:15Rick Glassman:How is that possible? That's like when they say somebody watched 107 % of my reels. Well, they just looped it again. It's the same guy going through a marriage and then getting divorced again. maybe one like two marriages two divorces comes to 100 right but it's one person right so you're pulling up the average okay say hey there's a thousand guys how many divorces have there been oh divorces per person not divorces per marriage right yes yeah i mean that would be actually i guess you could get married again and then get divorced again yeah it's like padding your stats yeah but people get very caught up in like oh pushing the sidestep the divorce rate but the truth is like if you're gauging the success of marriage like okay it didn't catastrophically fail which is what divorce is like the wheels came completely off and we're disbanding this legally but then there's like plenty of people that they just never do the paperwork and they just physically separate and they just go okay we're just done and then there's people that just stay together miserable because they don't even like each other but they either don't want to give up half their stuff or they don't want to go out for milk and never come back now well you guarantee to give them the house.

1:13:18If you go out for milk, oh yeah, because you're basically widowed.

1:13:20Rick Glassman:you're walking away. Yeah. But I know a lot of guys who do that. That's what you would do. It's a very male. Walk away. Give them 100%. Irish goodbye. It's all in your blood. Irish goodbye. My marriage is crazy. Yeah, it's a fucking cycle. Well, we used to call it an Irish divorce when you go out for milk and never come back. Just leave. Or you just leave. Like you just bounce and then it's like, yeah, I'm not coming home no more. Like that's it. On the, your partner gains 50 pounds thing. If your partner gains 50 pounds and you're no longer attracted to them, do you think that you're allowed to say it?

1:13:49Like, how do you broach that? You have an obligation to say it.

1:13:52Rick Glassman:Yeah. I think you have an obligation. Yeah, I think you have an obligation to say there's tact. I agree. And it's not just about the weight. I mean, that's a very pointed way of doing it. But like, I would want a partner to keep me accountable with certain things. Not that that's their job, but that is a value add. And I've had that in relationships where it's like, do you really need to eat that? I'm serious. Like they're not saying don't eat that or can't. And there's no shame involved. It is looking out for my best interest. And I think there's something very superficial about the looks department, but there's health involved to it and an attraction involved to it.

1:14:21Rick Glassman:And, hey, you know, I'm noticing I'm not, like if my partner said, you're very good looking. I'm still attracted to you. I love you so much. Just like, you haven't been taking care of yourself in a certain way. I just gotta be honest with you. That's a lie because they've gained 50 pounds. You're no longer attracted. But before they gained 50 pounds, they gained 20. Yeah, you hit it in there earlier. Yeah, I see. See, I think what people need to do in relationship and the mistake that most of the people who end up sitting across from me, what they didn't do is when things change, because they will change.

1:14:55No will. You have to say, like, you know, hey, let's notice that this changed, like, and just point it out. Like, I think it's the difference between a relationship that's designed and a relationship that's on default. Like, like, OK, we're not having sex as much as we used to. let's just point that out. Maybe it's that our sex drives have changed. Maybe we got kids now and it's like, you know, we're both a little all over the place. Or maybe it's like, it could be any number of things. Maybe you're not feeling great about your body. I'm not feeling great about whatever it might be. But like, let's just say it out loud because maybe we're both okay with it.

1:15:28Like, maybe you're putting on weight and you're like, yeah, I'm just like not stressed about exercise anymore. And I just feel like I want to take a break from that. And I want to just like, you know, put on some, okay. Like maybe it's just something that we're just going to both be cool with and we'll talk about it that way. I already have identified, based on my example, that you're not cool with it. Well, but I think before it's 50 pounds, I think it would be like, hey, what's going on? Like, things are changing. And I just want to point that out that they're changing. And is that something that's going to have an impact on us long term?

1:15:55Rick Glassman:Also, is the change coming from a medical thing? Is it coming from a lack of effort? Yeah, like, what's happening? Also, can guys pay you to do that for them? I mean, people pay you to almost end. You're pretty good at it. It'd be nice to be like, oh, I'm just talking to him. He has a good. That's what I'm saying. I actually, I think that there's a bunch of, I think there's, that's why I laughed when you said your wife sent you the blowjobs and granola one is that I do know a lot of guys that they're, they'll like send my stuff and they're like this. The real is a good move. What he just said.

1:16:27Passive aggressive real exchange. Yeah, but I don't think it has to be like, I actually, this is one of the reasons why I like shows like The Bachelor, Love Island or like any of those things is it gives people the opportunity to talk about their relationship without talking about their relationship. Like you sit with your, your, your, your girlfriend, your wife, and you're watching this show and you start talking about the couple and you're like, you know, like, why does she do that to him? She's always like, well, maybe she's like feeling of it. And it's like a way for us to talk about the relationship without being like, why do you do that?

1:16:57Like, you just, why does she do that? well maybe she does that because of this well yeah but doesn't it make him feel like and it's a way to like have some safe distance but still talk about feelings and relationships how many uh how many marriages have dissolved due to a love island argument because there was some marriages that didn't happen because of the lindsey clancy case there was some people that got divorced and then there was some people that were like i thought that this was my person we were about to go down the aisle and we couldn't agree on the lindsey clancy thing and that was you know that was a deal breaker the trump thing once 2016 2016 like we got a lot of people in like 2017 2018 getting divorced because it was like somebody went very far right and like the MAGA thing and it was like the the wife was very progressive liberal a lot of women's spaces are very progressive liberal in their leanings and the guys were feeling very seen and understood by like a right wing movement and it created this tremendous tension where it was like it couldn't just be we have different my dad was a reagan conservative naval academy graduate my mom was like so far left she was like a marxist practically and they were married for like 50 plus years and i had no choice but to see both sides of every argument and become a lawyer i think because they were just they didn't agree on any political issues but they absolutely cared about each other loved each other were committed to having like the same concept of a family like but i i really think that that we've now created this thing where it's not enough that i disagree with your politics you're hitler you know or you're like the worst and i just think that that's that's very very bad do you think about people that are making politics like a central reason to so sad i think it's like the saddest thing ever when they're just like like the families that don't talk to each other now yeah it's it's it's not terrible yeah also i don't you know i i just think i've ignored it my whole life like i don't politics i don't really care at all and it hasn't affected me like if there's i can't think of a thing that i'd be like oh man if i'd only vote it it's like i it doesn't affect me and if it affects you get involved i don't care i never did my dad never cared he's always like fuck that shit just go to work and and he's right i think he's put some fucking dirt on it yeah he's like just go to work a quick aside you probably heard me talk about element before and that's because i've started every single morning the same way for the last five years now, which is a cold glass of water with Element in it.

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1:20:04Rick Glassman:What are the divorce rates? Because you know every statistic of, Like, did that even happen? Was it powerful enough with like the gold, blue dress or whatever thing? Do you think that affected people's relationships? The gold and blue dress thing? Yeah. I have no idea. I mean, the law of large numbers means that if there's a big enough cohort of people that see anything, you get weird tail arrest. Like million to one odds happen eight times a day in New York City. Because it's just so many people that random shit happens. So maybe someone did. But I mean, the Lindsay Clancy thing was publicized.

1:20:32That people fell out publicly. And they asked a sample of how many people got divorced.

1:20:38Rick Glassman:That's just so interesting. They put it online. People were posting online. Me and my partner were going to get married. And we disagreed about this case that's going on. And now we're not going to get married. So I guess it was a... But what about all the people that are like, oh, wow. Men now empathize differently with certain chemicals that have been variables in another person's brain. The number of men that were supporting the Lindsay Clancy thing was like a handful. I think it was almost entirely a gender split. also he could if you're gonna get married i even that i would have been like shut up and then if you'd waited for two months there's a huge chance i was like yeah actually that was kind of fucked up i mean just i think you just became such a great advice it was like a way yeah you know it became a metaphor for something that's legitimate underneath that which is i think there are a lot of women that do feel like you know they that they're suffering in silence after they have a baby, that there's like tremendous hormonal shifts, that there's like all kinds of issues that come from that.

1:21:35And they feel like they weren't heard. And I think that this was a terrible example of like a person to go, oh yeah, she's emblematic of that. Like, let's give her a pass. I think that's a crazy thing to do, but I think what's underneath it is worth looking at. Like I just, I'm much more, like I'm not into politics, but I'm really interested in why people argue the things they argue because I, you know, my architecture is making arguments all the time. And again, not positions that I'm holding personally. I'm someone else's mouthpiece. So I'm trying to like put myself in their head and go, okay, what is it?

1:22:11What's behind the reasoning of what's going on there? The crazy thing about the politics stuff, I don't know how many people actually care that much, but because everyone else says that they're supposed to care, and then that starts to reverse infect relationships. So I asked everyone if they want to submit questions and I didn't say who was going to get to answer the question, but there's a question about this from this guy called Billy. He says, hi, Chris, my fiance and I have different political and social beliefs. She's quite left-leaning on the economy, like tax the rich more, and I on issues such as trans rights, climate change, and immigration.

1:22:45I sit more centrally or to the right of these issues. Neither of us are radical on either side, but we do have quite a few different beliefs. We agree on important things like our views on how to raise kids, where we want to live, et cetera, but have these alternative views that can cause conflict, or often leaves me not able to say my point of view in order to avoid conflict. How should we navigate this issue? Also, I don't tell her who I vote for out of principle, but she often pressures me to tell her, regardless of whether we vote for the same party or not, I don't feel like I should be compelled to tell anyone who I vote for.

1:23:11Interested to know your thoughts. P.S. Big fan of the pod and can't wait for you to get a round table of golden retrievers soon. So that was nice at the end. But that seems to me to be someone who's like, Is that question for me? That side of the table. It's the litigious side of the table from Billy. Chriswellx.com slash stories if you want to submit your question. What do you think? What do you think about that? I think it's really about what's underneath all of that stuff. Like, I think when someone is right-leaning, very often, if you get to the core, it's not that they're like in this cult of personality that they like Donald Trump in particular.

1:23:45They like that this is a person who just says what they're thinking. instead of being full of shit. And they're like, oh, everybody on the left is so full of shit, you know, because they just do this performative Kamala Harris thing where it's like, you ask them a question about, you know, do you support this education? And they're like, children are the future. And I believe in children. It's like, answer the fucking question.

1:24:03Rick Glassman:Like, stop, stop doing it. So is everyone getting$5 ,000? No, but the point is, is that even though - Because he's so full of shit. But he's blunt in his presentation. And at least it seems like he's answering the question. He's answering it with demonstrably false information but at least he's actually answering the question he's like we should blow them up and you're like wait what no we definitely shouldn't do that but seeing that committed to a concept seeing that is correct is like going to chat gbt and just trusting that there's no artifacting happening it's just like whatever they say is true that's negligence and i i agree with it's what's this what what's what what's triggering you underneath but I mean everyone's full of shit so is there like another and I'm asking this because is there another example I don't know that everyone has to be full of shit I actually think that when you are incredible I don't think even on that stage I actually think that there is room on that stage right now in this zeitgeist for like authenticity I think right now we're dying for it that was what people thought that they were getting with trunk.

1:25:12I thought, oh, he's taking the gloves off. And what you got was instead of slipperiness, you got like bullshit. Right. So there was slippery before you ask someone a question and they do the, well, what I think is really important is the children. You're like, dude, I asked you not what you mean. Um, but what, so your issue is just because this guy is saying something directly that is fabricated or like a lie or whatever, as opposed to doing this sort of faux diplomacy evasive thing.

1:25:41Rick Glassman:I think it sucks that there is a difference to there. Us included, you give somebody a microphone and people will believe it a little bit more. It's like if something rhymes, you're like, maybe it's true. And like you say stuff and people listen to it and they clip it. I don't remember what the example was, nor do I want to put that out there in case it wasn't public, but you had mentioned something back there about somebody taking a clip of something and perhaps had no context to what you were saying, but through association, you're now part of that. and just the lack of critical thinking in people it's like it's not that we're oh we want somebody to tell the truth it's just we want somebody to tell us what to do and if we believe if we choose a person then we believe them certainty is a proxy for truthfulness and expertise for sure but i i think we're just craving authenticity right now more than anything that's why you guys i think we are i really think we are i really think like very basic authenticity like i i think we've discouraged, we've, we've discouraged people from having like normal human interactions.

1:26:39Like there's nothing more pleasant. Like we've just met today for the first time. There's something very pleasant. If we just now were like, I'm going to tell you four things I already really like about you. Like, and I have them in my head. We should do that. Let's do that. Wouldn't that be nice? I think you're, I think you're really, I obviously think you're really funny. I think you have like a tremendous emotional intelligence and it feels like you're trying to be very authentic even when it's kind of scary to do that it feels like you're very like you're talking about like things that people men in particular like are really uncomfortable talking about like erectile dysfunction or feeling like you want to be out of context but i think it's really like i think that's really cool and it says like something about who you are i think you have an interesting style going on you got like the little bracelet thing happening i'm curious as to what it says or whatever like so these are like nice things about you it feels nice to hear someone say nice things about you it feels nice to hear someone say here's what i've already started to put together because we're meaning makers like we're just constantly trying to like you know we're like this is a symbol that's a symbol like i wore this intentionally you wore that intentionally so you're trying to send some message i'm trying to send a message what's yours is too yours is i don't care but legit like if you showed up in this i'd be like what the fuck's mad up to like you go to court one day i would think it was cool yeah but like it really i would think it was cool if you were just like one day well yeah yeah i mean your wedding you're probably i actually when i got here

1:28:04Rick Glassman:i and i wasn't going to go to a store but i had the idea of i think it would be fun if i came in in a in a white shirt and a dark vest and just not acknowledge that would be amazing that would be like uh when uh what was it craig jones did lex friedman's show and he and he wore lex's tie Very more the exact thing. Did you see Don Jr.'s wedding? Because this is maybe one of the most extravagant things. I didn't even know that it happened. But it's been embroiled in a bunch of Russian billionaire people giving them money and stuff like that. So Russian oligarch with ties to Putin, Umar Kremlev, apparently covered hundreds of thousands of dollars of the expenses.

1:28:39Don Jr. and his wife said it was a gift from a friend and denied that it was a political move. The wedding cakes required five types of transport, Two cakes traveled by van, private plane, helicopter, golf cart, and boat. The three-day wedding and party were held across two private islands, costing over$100 ,000 per night to rent. The bride's reception outfit required 150 hours of embroidery. Donald Trump did not attend, saying, this is not good timing for me. I have a thing called Iran and other things on. He actually spent the day spamming Truth Social with AI memes. Not very asset light. Asset heavy.

1:29:15Asset big titty goth bitch. I feel like you just did the impossible for me, which is I actually feel bad for Don Jr. right now. Like, I feel bad that his dad didn't fucking show up. Like, that's, I don't know. Doesn't that make you feel like, gosh, like you get married and you have like this ridiculous wedding. I have a feeling that he's used to his dad not showing up for things. I know. It's been conditioned from the, that's what dads are. That's a sad image to me. Yeah. You know, like it's like the kid waiting with the baseball glove. Like, it just feels like, dude, like, like maybe if I bring like a billionaires and I make it so cool like dad'll show up and meanwhile dad's like no I'm on truth social today you know if I put the cake on five types of transport then maybe dad'll come I don't get it I'm stupid they had they had the cake was what like spread across it was just so big I think that they needed like all of this like fuckery yeah it's really there's something sad about that I really think so yeah I don't think the wedding was like it probably

1:30:06Rick Glassman:wasn't very fun I would I have more than four things but I would like to acknowledge one of them that I noticed before, but this is just an example of your willingness to be able to understand something without necessarily agreeing with it. And I think that's a great place to be when you're arguing stuff, but to see that side of it, whether that makes you empathize with him as his character in a different way, who's to say, but like, you know, from a human level, look at this. I try very hard to do that. I asked that question a lot. I don't know if I'm good at finding the answers yet, but it seems very intuitive for you.

1:30:37Rick Glassman:Thanks. Yeah. No, I think, I think doing what I do for a living, you have to like really put yourself in people's head and understand them. And it's, it's a very, it's a very strange thing. I don't know if it's a good thing. It's a strange thing because I've represented the victim of domestic violence and I've represented the perpetrator of domestic violence. I've represented the person who's married to someone with substance use issues. And I've represented the person who has substance use issues that have blown up their marriage. And it's like us doing gambling ads. But if you spend enough time with that person, you kind of figure out there aren't like evil people doing evil things like they mistake it for happiness like they they're they're hurt people hurting people like they grew up in a household where there was violence and they think that that like whoever discovered water wasn't a fish like this is how they think it's supposed to be and you just i don't know you spend enough time in other people's heads and you start to go like oh there there maybe aren't like good people and bad people there's like you know any of us like i mean you're a father like you if if you judge your father in this by your most impatient moment when you kind of lost it with one of the kids you're not giving you enough credit but if i judge you by like the moment where you like totally showed up perfectly for the kid and did like that's giving you a little too much credit like you're kind of the aggregate you know like and i feel like in relationships i think relationships are supposed to be like that like even friendships are supposed to be like that like where it's you know like yeah you showed up for me sometimes maybe you know you stepped on the rake a couple times but like in the aggregate we're really trying to be here for each other we've got this thing now where it's like if you're not perfect as a romantic partner that's it you're you fucked up you didn't find your soulmate how do you think about navigating that in a marriage because you are living with this person all the time you know you're going to see them a lot of the time stressed stuff's going wrong like how do you not have those flare-ups sort of i don't know seep into resentment and bitterness and stuff like that dude it's literally that it's like the resentment's the biggest one like when i would catch myself it took me years to figure this out but i would catch myself when i'm not around that i'm not around my wife being like yeah fucking she thinks and if i'm doing that cycle of like yeah shots of fall yeah i hope she she fucking says and i'm like stop whatever this is just stop and then i just like is you can get really caught in this weird once you start keeping score of like it's like a fantasy it's like fantasies and it makes you feel horrible and angry all the time where you have to just be like you start to kind of accept the person be like that's just a thing they have like a like i i would get nagged all the time and i would be like stop fucking nagging and it would make me mad and then it was just like wait because we went to marriage counseling there's like why why do you get so mad about that and it was like because she points out i did something wrong i feel fucking horrible and he's like yeah but like why do you feel that bad about it like you don't care if the garage is up or down like why if she says it do you all of a sudden care i was like damn good call so like now i can like finally it's great yeah it's a great move i can finally feel the criticism and just if i if i don't care about it i'm like okay it's hard to not take stuff like that personally i guess dude but the thing is it would floor me if it'd be like did you open the mail i did i did what the fuck do you care if i opened the mail just saying yes and letting it be yeah and be like yeah i actually did open See, I think underneath that is something I think is incredibly romantic.

1:33:52And that is that you're like, for me as a man, most of the time when I'm angry, it's that I'm really sad. But anger feels more active. So I feel like I have control still. Whereas sad, I just feel like I'm just like the rain is falling on me and I'm just like passively. And I don't like that. Like it makes, like a lot of what I, in my own therapy, like a lot of what I work with my therapist about is like, when I think I'm angry, it's actually like, no, you're sad. And you go, well, what do you do with that sadness? And it's like, you just feel it. And I'm like, great, but how do I get rid of that?

1:34:27And they're like, you don't, you just feel it. Like, you just feel it. Like, and I think underneath what you're saying there is like, well, I didn't care about the garage and like, and you're frustrated, but it's like, fuck, like I want to be good at this. Like, I want to be good at loving you. Like I want to be a good husband. I want you to love me. I want you to like look at me and go, holy shit, you're awesome. You know? And fuck, I fucked that up. Like, and you made it really hard like to get it right. Like, I didn't know I was supposed to do the garage. I did these other five things. Like, why didn't you give me any credit for those five things?

1:34:57Like, I got the granola. You know, like, come on. That's literally, that'd be on repeat in your head. But what you just said is like when you, the minute you're keeping score, but see, like, and this is where it's challenging because I think, I think you have to notice things. Like, that's what I said earlier. You have to pay attention. But when people say to me, marriage is hard work, I'm like, yeah, if you consider paying attention, hard work, marriage is hard work. Paying attention doesn't have to be that hard. Noticing changes, saying them out loud, isn't that hard. Like you've gained weight.

1:35:25Yeah. Or I've gained weight. Or I've gained weight. Or like what's happening with our bodies right now? What's happening with our routine? What's happening with our diet? I'm sorry, honey.

1:35:34Rick Glassman:I thought my dick would shrink with age, but unfortunately we're stuck with this piece. Unroll this thing. The edible's kicking in and now he's like. I'm trying. There's so many times I want to interrupt already. You should keep a log and now you can just unload them all. Go on. Now he's on the spot. Yeah. That is the thing. It's figuring out how to be like, all right, why am I getting spas? I personally think as the, let's say you have a family and you're the dad, your job is to keep a level head because women do have, they have hormonal fluctuations. It's like, you know, it's a real thing that if you like bring it up, they'll be like fuck you but they'll tell you like it's a real thing i get you bring it up after they're cool with it yes you bring it up while they're in it yeah dead man but it's a real thing it's they they wobble they they do wobble and you have to be they'll wobble and you have to not wobble and be like yeah chill out everything's fine but if you freak out the whole house falls into ruin i'm sure it flips and certain but like in the aggregate for sure i remember when my sons were teenagers and i said to i said to my uh therapist at the time i was like having an issue with a teenager and, and he was like, I said something about like, yeah, I just like started yelling at him about it.

1:36:45And he's like, oh no, no, no, never yell at a teenager. And I was like, why? He's like, because whatever's coming out of your mouth, if you're yelling, what you're telling a teenager is I'm out of control.

1:36:55Rick Glassman:And the message you want to send to a teenager is I am in control all the time. It's like talking to a dog. Yeah. Like the confidence is like a huge piece of it and i think you're like i think actually and it took me like a good 40 something years to figure out that like women's hormones really do like they don't teach us this i'm literally 40 yeah but like once you learn it's like a life hack because when they're in that like hormonal like everything's you know fade like you you do not want to point that out but four days five days later if you go you know i think last week like it seems like you were kind of having a hard time they're like yeah it was fucked up i was like i was really coming out of my skin and then they feel seen but in it like you couldn't then 28 days later say like oh i think you're kind of in it right now they're like no i'm not you know so you have to like be a little cautious as to how you handle but see again i think why why why is this like unmanualed like there should just be like an opera like i don't think this has to be as difficult like we could talk about this stuff more honestly we could be a little bit more like like we get mad at the fact that people are bad at relationships, but no one really ever teaches us much about relationships.

1:38:06Like we watch our parents who watched their parents and that's how we're learning how to do relationships. Or we watch like the equivalent of porn. We watch like romantic comedies where everything's like perfect and everything's like, and by the way, like it ends. So, you know, like, like, like if Jack lived at the end of Titanic, like you think she wouldn't eventually have been like, all right, stop painting the fucking french girls you gotta get a job dude like there would have been some but he dies so it's like okay now it's you know they live happily ever after i i don't think in relationship that like we have to have it we could do better at like talking about this stuff teaching people about this stuff when they're younger like i just think it's something that doesn't have to be it's like getting mad like it's like having your your training and driving from watching the dukes of hazard and being like why does my car always end up in ditches like it's just you there's ways to learn this that are much clearer you know and easier no i've heard that a lot too like you know there's that lady who had the thing like must be 40 years old independently wealthy there are i run across dudes a lot post

1:39:08Rick Glassman:economic post post i like that's all correcting 35 to 42 true thank you there i've uh i've seen dudes do it though where they're like i just want a woman who just like is like for real like stays rational all the time i don't understand why they have to like you know like it's things won't make sense and it's like at a certain point you're like this is i'm not being a dick but it's true it's like women are very much different from men and once you get to the point where you can almost appreciate it when they kind of even get a little they're kind of wacky you're like you know you're kind of like ah that's you're just a you're a lady like this is what you if you were if you were as rational you know in certain contexts as me you would just be a dude i've had to tell a lot of my friends this who are like i just want to find like we have to gel on everything i'm like no dude she's gonna freak out and like make you feel horrible turn gay yeah exactly i was like you're describing a guy well a lot of my gay male friends like i think what they describe as as one of the benefits of being in a same-sex relationship is that like you you get this person like their their their drives are similar to yours their hormones are similar to yours like you just want to like fuck go to the gym like that's you know you say that but that wouldn't explain why lesbian relationships are so unsuccessful well it's i'll take this It's the emotionality.

1:40:20Rick Glassman:I'll take this. Speaking for the lesbians in the room. No, I'm just joking. But I'm going to go to the bathroom. I just, I hate thinking about lesbian divorce. Really? Yeah, I do. That's a big thing. I know. What's messed up is like, dude, if you think about, I was thinking about this the other day. People pay money for testosterone because it like enhances them. Yeah. And if a woman's pregnant, she gets like a mega dose of the female hormones and they get like nauseous. They feel fucked up. Yeah. it's if it's kind of a damning biological kind of indicator where like it that's how bad it sucks to be a lady like your essence in terms of hormones is like a poison whereas a guys is like a godly chemical where you become like stronger and jacked and like you don't even need sleep anymore it's just it sucks to think about it's fucked up definitely just no one would I would choose to be a guy always.

1:41:13I know. It's not even... We got the better end of the deal. Yeah, 100%. I think our... And we get to look at ladies. Yeah. Which, I'm sorry, just such objectively, we got the better end of the deal. Which is rare in nature. In nature, if you think about it, male lions have a big mane, male peacocks have a sick-ass tail. Yep. They're like the only... The shit they're trying to do to get laid, though. I know, true. It's like what they have to do to get laid. True. Like we have to do a whole nother set of things. True. They have to get the peacock stuff. And we have to, you know, we have to do so much shit.

1:41:47I mean, how much of what we do from like whatever 15 on is to get laid ultimately. Pretty much everything. It's everything. It's literally everything. There's no other drive. Nobody gives a fuck about watches and cars. It's like, I want to, indicators of like, you know, look status. Like, look at me. Like, come on, please touch it. Like, it's really all it is. Have you ever seen that Futurama episode where sex robots are invented and all of society just grinds to a halt? Yeah. And they're like, oh, it does turn out that everything that guys were doing was just to get laid. Yeah, sure. And they can get laid on demand.

1:42:22Like everything's just stopped. It's over. Yeah. It's game over. Yeah. There's no five. Yeah, and women have always been the gatekeepers of sex. Like 100 % of the time. And the example I've always given of this is that like women don't like shaving their legs. if all the women tomorrow said, we're not shaving our legs anymore, are you telling me guys to be like, well, then we're not having sex with you? Yeah, definitely. Fuck that.

1:42:46Rick Glassman:But there'd just be that one bitch. There'd just be that one. It was like, wait, none of them are shaving their legs. Yeah, I'd shave my, I just like it. I'd do it for me. It's not even, I don't. And then all of a sudden they're hyper-competitive. This is the same problem with UBI. It's the same problem. If everybody gets the same income, immediately you want to separate yourself out from the thing that everybody's got. Can you tell Matt that story of how you were convinced to shave on weekends by ex-girlfriends? Yeah. Yeah. Actually, as a married man, you might appreciate this. So I was, this is, I tell the story as an example of like how you frame something very much changes how your partner feels about it.

1:43:25So I was dating a girl who had very sensitive skin. And I do like have like a, it comes in pretty thick, my beard. And it's like stubbly. but I like the clean shaving thing. So I shave all during the week so I can have the lawyer thing going on. And then on the weekends, I wouldn't shave. So I'm dating this girl and I go to like, you know, I would like kiss her or whatever and she would get like, you know, like stout whatever on her skin.

1:43:48Rick Glassman:What the fuck are the two of you? Trying to keep in straight face. God.

1:43:57That's a classic gag. That is like a real Tom Selleck. Yeah. Wow. It feels almost Freudian. Like it's a real.

1:44:13Rick Glassman:So you're saying you're scratching. I don't know that I'm ever going to recover from that. What happened to the lesbians and the divorce? What's the reason? Super high. Very high. Very high. Lots of dead bedroom. Lots of domestic violence. Yeah. A lot of this violence. Yeah. And by the way, I've represented a number of lesbian women. What was that like? I would say something. there's something uniquely fucking weird about hearing a woman say to me if that fucking bitch thinks she's gonna get half my business she's fucking god she's kidding like because you're used to hearing i'm used to hearing that of a man a hundred percent but to hear a woman saying it about a woman i my brain went like oh that's so weird like it feels weird yeah that is strange yeah it was strange it was yeah i have a feeling if that gets wet it's gonna have like a like a dog so what happened with the scratchy shaving so i i would shave during the week and then on the weekends i wouldn't shave and i would tend to see her on the weekends and then i would like go to kiss her or whatever and she'd be like oh your beard's so scratchy relationship ended eventually for unrelated reasons but maybe related reasons the next woman i dated was the exact same she had like sensitive skin and she liked to be clean shaven but instead of being like oh your beard's so scratchy she every time i would shave she'd be like oh like you're so it's so sexy when you just shave you're like don draper on mad men like i love it yeah yeah i would shave like three times a day every time i was gonna and i would even like shave and then i would be like oh i shaved and she'd be like oh yeah i noticed you know but it was just a matter of like you know like how you frame the thing it wasn't and i've said like men it's the same thing like if you're like how come we don't have sex as often as we used to all right you're already she's in a defensive position whereas if you were like oh you know what i was driving home from work and i drove past that restaurant remember that restaurant we went to like on like our third date yeah i remember we went back to our apartment i would love to go and that was remember after we went to the apartment and we just like stayed in bed for like a day and a half that was so now i'm with you like we're let's not even go to dinner and let me suck on your big fucking cock wow oh no escalated quickly i need to leave yeah you should have put the mustache on for that bit yeah true yeah that that uh that's a tricky one to figure out how to bring it up i well how do you like i think the way to do it is to bring a person back to where it's kind of like when you've when you have a couple that clearly does not fucking like each other at the dinner party if you do the like oh so how did you guys meet that's actually the best way to like bring them back to that place i have i have a question rick you seem to be the sort of person who in social situations sort of calls out the subtext like the under an unspoken thing that's kind of in the air how do you feel if you're at dinner with a couple and there's obviously an awful lot of tension between the two of them is that the sort of thing that's palpable to you does that make you uncomfortable i say what makes you talking to me yeah when i said your name at the very start unless you change name i was just being playful i'm sorry for whatever i triggered and i'm curious what it was here we go wow the see that's the fourth wall breaking thing that i'm talking about this is the skill set that's precisely why you need to be a mediator for marriages you want to do a two-man act media there's no money in mediation oh sorry i forgot that's a difference you do it for money yeah litigation yeah i do it why do you do your job service do you just like my buddy i do it for the job would you would you point out when the people are fighting uh i think that if it were to the point where i felt that i wanted to acknowledge like if i don't want to like if they're doing their thing and i just have to be there and like they need to do their thing i'm no part of this then i wouldn't acknowledge it if like we're here for something and or I felt the projected want to service the other people who I'm assuming are having the same discomfort that I'm having, I might, I would probably say something and it depends on my relationship.

1:47:57Rick Glassman:If you guys were fighting and you guys are buddies, I would like, I would be like, hey, you know, I'm tired, you know, maybe be a little bit lighter. Just let's, it's fine. Let's not do this now. But if like, if this was something about something that has like importance to it, like you uh you not only did you take too long to pick up your son but also it was way too long and in a dangerous part of town and i believed that point of view i would instead i wouldn't say break it up i'd be like i think you're missing what he's trying to say sides oh yeah or translate i think what he's saying you're a bad media thank you no no good taking sides but well it take taking taking sides you're right that wasn't right but it would be technically taking aside because i'm translating your perspective but he has one as well you know good lawyers understand the the law but great lawyers they live forever legends they never die i was with him for a second do you want me to leave no no no you're doing oh but the audience does i read the comments only while they're writing them while we're filming it that's the only comments imagining them before i've even said yeah and you know you know what hurts not the bad comments hurt and the good comments feel good the good comments are either wrong or like i already knew that and the bad comments that i disagree with you know that's the internet it's the ones that i agree with and i'm agreeing with you guys at home right now and i'm sorry so you're saying that novel criticisms that you haven't oh that's a novel way to insult me that i haven't heard before but the way that you complimented me is something that i'm kind of familiar with then it seems a little bit odd.

1:49:33Rick Glassman:If I'm funny and you laugh, I'm not saying thank you. First of all, a novel insult is great. Sure, then they're funny. Novel insult's pretty funny. I have to tell you, when someone insults me in a way that is accurate and funny, I have to respect that. You connect to them a little bit. I love it. I'm like, oh my God, I love that. Yeah, someone pointed out that my eyes are really close together and I never stop thinking about it. I'm always like, they are. Yeah, they are. I was like, they're really close together. Yeah, but I love that. It kind of did make me laugh though. I was watching outtakes of - Like you ate something sour all the time.

1:50:04I was watching -

1:50:08Do you laugh more into the microphone? I have predator eyes, really, but - I was watching outtakes of Veep. I love Veep. It's amazing. It stands up. It is so good. And I watch it. It's become my self-soothing. If I've had a long day, I'm just going to watch. ASMR. Yeah, I just watch Veep. And you could just jump into any season, and it's amazing. but some of the insults they hurl at each other are so precision strikes. And apparently like a lot of them were improv. And if you watch like the outtakes, sometimes they hit so hard that the person just busts out and it ruins the scene. But it's like, go on YouTube and watch like Veep outtakes or Veep bloopers.

1:50:50Half the time. It's just that somebody just launched an insult to that. Cause some of those insults are so novel. You guys have done like TV comedy stuff. when you're doing the improv thing ad hocing surely yes hooray we couldn't have even written this it only was able to happen in the moment but then you have the difficulty of everyone on set trying to keep a straight face to something they weren't expecting like i do pickup oh right okay so we've come up with it all right now that everyone's dissipated you try it again and or

1:51:17Rick Glassman:you keep the delivery but you cut to a different reaction shot especially for television it's all in the edit baby just if you get something in post yeah yeah it's like i i think what you're saying like it's it's so funny people are laughing but there's also the flip side where you're trying to like ad lib and everyone's just staring at you like why are you wasting our time and you're like shit so you bombed on set you can yeah oh that's gotta if you go off script and it doesn't kill you're kind of like god i'm the biggest loser in the world you literally gave me a gimme straight down the middle of the plate and i decided to try and do something sexy yeah it's bad feeling i'm filming a show at the moment it's a single camera show because this is different specifically for multi-camera and for people at home that don't know multi-camera is like a play there's one of the walls is cameras and you're you're performing to a live audience and gauging their reaction and he was talking to me about uh about which is a great observation that i don't think i i ever articulated myself but like joking a joke oftentimes by default isn't great do you know that term joking.

1:52:18Rick Glassman:Like here's a joke and now you make another joke. Is this joke a tag that adds to this or does it cannibalize this because you lose the reality of what this might be or now we didn't have time to process whatever it is. But in multi-cames you go out and you do let's say three takes and you go out there and you do the way it's scripted and it's funny and it gets a laugh. The second take you do it again it doesn't get as big of a laugh because they heard it already. So then you like you try and perform as if the home audience the people watching the show heard all three versions, but they don't.

1:52:47Rick Glassman:So now when you heighten option three, it's really funny to the people there and you feel it because we were all part of something that isn't going to translate. So there's kind of like this, if you follow the laughs, just keep in mind what they're laughing at. And I think this is true outside of even performance, but like sometimes we do something because of our past experiences, let us to believe that it would be funny to be say something shocking about somebody's sexuality, because of course I have no hate for this, but they don't know that yet. And like judging by people's reactions could be very dangerous.

1:53:20Rick Glassman:And I thought that was an interesting way of saying it. Like if you've heard it once, now you think the next thing's funnier than that only because it's different. Well, also, if you've been friends with someone for ages and you know that they're very nice, that they've got gay friends, that they don't have any hate in their heart, and then you're on a podcast or maybe you're with a new group of friends or whatever that don't have that same level of context, you make the joke, one or a few people get it and everyone else is like yeah that's the danger that's the danger of the internet because like you you do you either have to be very careful in your curation of the things you say and how they can be so easily taken out of context or you just have to like just assume everybody knows where your heart is at yeah you can have massive context that's one solution but basically everyone is seeing you for the first time i think assuming that everyone is seeing you for the first time is probably like the safer way to go about it but it makes everything really bland because you've got to play one of the example that i think of is when we're doing vlogs sometimes if we do a training vlog and someone comes through uh sometimes we're training in a gym and the music's really loud and we can use uh software that gets rid of the music so it's just us talking but we're still shouting we're still yelling at each other because what we heard was music that the audience now doesn't hear and that's have you seen the friends uh where they took the the audience laughter out have you seen any of those yeah yeah and they're just hey hey, I really like your shirt.

1:54:40Rick Glassman:Do they not have it in large? Yeah, it's like, it's really, really awkward. Because I think. It seems so strange. Yeah. And the jokes actually aren't funny. Well, a lot of them aren't funny. Here we go. Like, they're just not. Like, a lot of them aren't funny. Some people don't like country music. Doesn't mean it's not good. What happened? No, some country music is objectively bad. Yeah. Friends isn't good. Friends has some moments, but come on. I mean, have you ever been with somebody that wasn't great just because they had some moments? I don't know. Yeah. Friends is... That's not in my top 10 by any means.

1:55:13Rick Glassman:Probably not top 20. But when I watch it, I'm like, oh, it's... I'm in the position of defending Friends. That's really... Yeah, because I think that art form is, not that it needs to be, but it is a bit antiquated. And watching it as these are real people having conversations is a way to receive that that isn't necessarily the case versus like, here is a play that we're watching within this world. yeah what happened to that style of like production because that seemed to be people started sitcoms are by design joke machines not for better or worse um people in kind of like what you're saying want more real i think that's very true with with the arts as well and if you didn't grow up watching that kind of stuff and that's not part of what your palette is you you don't believe because it's not a lot of people look at that that's not how people really talk of course not this is a silly play it's a comic book strip and i think people either don't appreciate that or just don't want that um otherwise they would be doing more it's the cheapest kind of show to make it's the easiest kind of show to make that largely sometimes he makes swing sets but yeah not only that but with scheduling it's all not only is it all indoors so you don't have to worry about lighting it's all at the same place and everybody shows up there and then you kind of get it so my first job was a multi-cam and you read the script and then the next three four days is literally it's all about camera blocking and just how you deliver the joke the the most work is which way are we facing for this that's a science that isn't specific to one show so people already have it down so it's it's hard for the writers because it's joke joke joke joke joke but like there are shows when they have it in there in season three season four where they do four day weeks they rehearse for three days they film the show on a half day and then that's it people say it's like the cushiest gig you could get as a director it's like you want to get into multicam and there's only like i'm making this number up so i won't a few amount of multicam directors that they know how to do it they know how to pace it they know how to talk to actors they know how to turn a joke and that's like the gig super efficient to make yeah you could you could work 25 hours a week i think it's also about developing a palette i think like a you develop like a almost a comedic palette like i think that i need to move you that way you are sorry gravitating to what understandably yeah yeah he's got that aura yeah i feel crazy when i watch sitcoms now if i try to watch like big bang theory i'm like this is what about the ones you grew up with i haven't seen them in a while i used to love them but see that when that was what was on the menu yeah that was what you were consuming and then because you were used to that when arrested development or the office or so it came and it kind of was different than that all of a sudden was like wait what's this yeah like i genuinely think if right now you did like a friends type of thing like a like a multi-can like if you did that there would actually be for for young people who didn't grow up on that they might be like oh this is something different i think it's it's like developing a palette like i really think that this all moves in like i wonder how long the cycle needs to go before having multi-cam audience what's it called crowd in a studio crowd whatever it's called uh where that's like so old that it could be new again i think we're probably there i think if someone did it right now it could be really multi-cam all the time yeah i mean so i think when vine came out things change uh things change to where um people were having stages before it was curated you know what i'm saying so like before i would ever see your the first time i if i didn't know you i wasn't in this world the first time i saw you might be a stand-up special and now i've been introduced to you when you have earned the stage when vine came out there were a lot of people for better and for worse that didn't have to go through those channels to be allowed to be seen by a netflix or whatever so other people were able to find them and and for better and for worse it has a less curated less polished thing but now there are so many people that have stages where there's the multi-cam there's the single cam that zoom out a little bit, it's just network television.

1:59:19Rick Glassman:Zoom out a little bit more, it's television shows. And that is already such a subcategory of what people want to watch for better and for worse that I think if you're not going to be able to learn an art form and instead you're just learning to be distracted deep, I think that you're not looking for something that has that kind of stuff. You're looking for something else. You're looking for something to be distracted. You're looking for some goth chick with big tits or, you know, a person that you love from something else. Let's see him in this show and i don't think we have relationships for better and for worse with that kind of stuff anymore we love full house we love family matters we love bob boy meets world what are those it just shows that were beloved the cosby show there was like five channels right like there was so little choice not only there are more channels though i think all those channels are still such a small part of what you're watching on youtube or podcasts or shorts or reality but People aren't watching anywhere near as much of like - That's why I think multi-cams aren't going to come back.

2:00:16What was the most concurrent viewed show on British television? I'm pretty sure it was Only Fools and Horses. You ever hear of that show? Fuck me. That is crazy. I'm not kidding. I think it was like tens of millions of people in a country that only had like 30 million or something at the time. Like a third of the - That would be a six or two thirds. Fuck me. The funeral of Princess Diana was 32 million. Royal family. You guys are obsessed with the fucking queen. You love your royals. We do. Paula 13. Just soccer and the queen. It's all people dying. Just soccer and the queen. It's people dying in sport.

2:00:55That's it. That's crazy. Oh, and some space stuff. Sport, it's football. That's it. It's a bit of space. Oh, you got Olympics too. Oh, here we go. There we go. EastEnders. Wow. Someone. I'm sorry.

2:01:05Rick Glassman:What is this statistic? English TV. Most watched. Wow. Serves his wife, Angie, you at divorce papers eastenders dude imagine 30 million people watching a tv show i don't even know that show eastenders yeah so it is uh about people in london it's probably one of the longest running there's basically like two or three big uh long running i don't know if it's a sitcom i guess it's not a comedy it's like a drama um one's in london one is in the uh countryside and another one is in manchester coronation street you had a coronation street is that where uh the where she got, Queen Elizabeth got coordinated?

2:01:42Unfortunately, it's another drama show like this. No. But look at the dates on these. 86, 87, 85. Like there's none of these crack 2000. Good that Miss World's 1967. The internet. Where Miss Peru won there. Madeline Hartog-Bell. Cable. Yeah. But not even cable. I really think the internet democratized audience. Once cable comes in, there's like nothing. Yeah. But once you democratize like the ability to show content. You just fractured everything into too many. I think, I don't know if it's true, but they said now with a lot of movies, they have to, they encourage them to kind of almost re-explain the plot every so many minutes.

2:02:15People are distracted. People are distracted.

2:02:16Rick Glassman:I saw that. So they're constantly like having to be like, so here's the mission, here's what we're doing. They're assuming that people are watching the television as one of two devices. Yeah. So they have to repilot things. They want to start with. Or have the dialogue really explain things. It's like exposition. Yeah. Like just doing tons and tons of exposition over and over again. But I don't know if that's true either. I mean, it seems like it. But what he's talking about is not just getting the exposition out clearly, but it's literally repiloting it. Can you explain that? Yeah. Um, so, uh, uh, we're going to go in, uh, and make this bank heist.

2:02:46Rick Glassman:But what's important to remember is, uh, we have to put pepper spray in the guns or, you know, if we're going to rob the radio or whatever, airheads or something. Uh, now that's the thing that go in to get the pepper spray and the guns and stuff. It's like, then later on you got the pepper spray and the gun, right? Because when we go in, we're going to have to do it. And they're like, Oh, we said this already, but they make, but the audience that's piloting. It's not mutually exclusive, but I'm, what I'm saying is like, not pie like when you establish something you've established it you could do it with a lot of exposition or a little but it's been established we've decided that's now on to phase two this is once we're on to phase two what if they didn't hear that we got to say it again so they're like re-saying the same stuff i think it's so funny it's it's if you could do this i don't know how you would look at it written out maybe in a script or whatever and maybe you could highlight all of the times that like make sure that the pepper spray is in the gun okay you've got the pepper all of those different things is the same as removing the studio audience so okay this is this absurd little thing that's happening and if we take it out of context isn't it silly yeah yeah it's uh i mean i don't know kind of sad i really think so because you're not making art anymore yeah you're you're distracting people you're you're trying to gain their attention from something else as opposed to i only want you here if you want to be here like this is like well look at me too and it's dark i think they say you got to like start with an explosion or something like it's something something has to happen like insane the first five minutes i'm pretty sure that there's a stat around the number of cuts that was in the first fast and furious movie and if you just track all of the cuts across each of them the uh duration of each scene on average has gotten shorter and shorter and shorter and shorter now to the point where it's like super mr beast we're They're just wildly desensitized.

2:04:32I mean, if you look at how many people get shot in a John Wick film versus watching old heist films or old spy films. Is that not a specific style? The level of violence. John Wick's basically a superhero that is - But it's designed to be just moving so fast and so intense that it's like - I do think Fast and the Furious is a good barometer for what's going on with cinema. Because it lasted so long. Well, yeah, and they were racing, and now they catapult cars into helicopters. The physics of it is now gone.

2:05:06Rick Glassman:That's another good example of being funny depending on what you're looking at. As divisive as that is, I'll fucking watch that. What, Fast and Furious? For what it is. For what it is. Yeah, like when there's a new Jason Statham movie, even if, because I'm with my parents a lot. I love going to their house. We watch movies together. And my dad and I are always watching something and my mom's reading her book and doesn't want to. but if there's a new Statham movie, she doesn't even ask what it's about. What do you think of Beekeeper? I want to call him right now and ask him the last time he's watched it.

2:05:36Rick Glassman:I bet you it's within the past two months. Beekeeper? He just keeps watching Beekeeper. I'm sorry. I didn't love it. I struggled with Beekeeper. I'm a big Statham stan. Big. Huge. That's why it's enough. Struggled. I like The Accountant 1 and 2. Those were the last types of those movies that got me. I still turn my garage. I try to pull in as my garage door is coming up just like the guy in the account. I do it every time. I'm like, I'm basically the accountant. Oh, that's the Ben Affleck. Yeah, yeah. I saw the first one. Why the garage door's up so much? Probably, probably. It's the hit off the top of the car as you're going in.

2:06:06I'm just like, I did it again. I just forgot to put it back down.

2:06:08Rick Glassman:It's kind of like flushing, trying to time it right. So by the time it all goes down, you're done peeing. Yes. I've heard of that. I don't even do that anymore. Everyone does that. Yeah, I do it all the time. I do that too. I never get it right. Given that this is a great opportunity to name something that I don't think has a name. So there's X, right? which is something that typically a guy does that sort of turns off a girl. She notices something that you might not typically think about noticing and then that sort of kills her attraction. I want a word for something that guys do that they think is sick that most women don't realize.

2:06:43Sick, bad or good? Like awesome, like fucking cool. Like you click the garage thing and she's in the passenger seat and you're like, you know, fucking. And she's like, what? It's an inverse ick. You know what I mean? There's something that should have just like, panties are off. that's you know you just peed and you did the flush and you just shredded the fucking needle did anyone see that yeah but like when anyone cared so what what like those things i would say which by the way the the attention to detail the timing and the the prostate control you know what i mean that's a real combination well sometimes you have to do like a sprint finish yeah yeah

2:07:16Rick Glassman:no but you're like you are okay i gotta you know but then it leads you to work out check out am i trying to time this out right because it's fun or am i trying to win because there are men out there that will flush and as it's going down instead of just peeing into the new water they'll just cap their pee that's crazy i pee that's crazy oh that's insane you gotta pee in the new you just need to accept loss yeah you just miss that's why kobe says sports are so important what about what about peeing old poop off the bowl and you get it all off and you're like but if it's if i'm in a public bathroom and it's a stranger's poop i don't touch it that's how i feel about it i'm picking up my dog poop and it's right next to somebody else's poop i leave it really yeah you're very territorial with the poop when I'm touching my dog's poop it's like I'm using the same straw as my lover but if I'm picking up another dog shit I feel like I'm dipping my straw into dog shit I'll pick it up I've recently turned a corner where I'll pick it up just because my kids play there and I'm like well I'm going to pick it up but it feels different it feels like I'll put money in a meter if I see a meter's empty though that's nice That's charitable.

2:08:22Rick Glassman:Yeah. I'd wait for them to get there in case they're like, look what I did. Yeah. In Philadelphia, we had the coin operated meters for a while. So we used to be able to stick tinfoil in them and it would just say out of order and you could just park there. You just leave your car there and make it. Meter was broken. It didn't work. But how would you verify that? Couldn't parking operators just come along and go, no, it wasn't. No, it says. It would say out of order. It would blink out of order. You could take a picture. Like if you're ever at a meter and it's out of order, park there, baby. Take a picture and spend the fucking night.

2:08:49Rick Glassman:I don't know. It wasn't the phones yet. The phones were just coming. It was like the coin parking. That's what I mean. But my point is you can't verify. It says out of order. Oh, it says on there. Yeah. So when the parking person walks up and sees out of order, they won't give you a ticket. Yeah. It's like, they go like this. Technicality. Yeah. Because it would say like, it would say how much time you had. Like a little, you're scanty. You rascals. Me and my brother had a lunch truck. So we would, I would hit the meter out of order. We parked there all day because you're supposed to feed the meter.

2:09:19and the lady would come back, come by every day and be like, it's out of order again. I'm like, man, these things, you got to fix these things. Just gaslighting instead of just, yeah. It sounds a bit of foil on her. Yeah, just put foil around a penny and just it gets stuck in there and it says out of order. Has anyone ever told, do that again. Yeah, has anyone ever told you

2:09:33Rick Glassman:you kind of, to camera, look like Rosie the Riveter? Wow, no. No, but I'll, like you punt, you hold a fist kind of like her. Okay. Who's Rosie the Riveter? Buddy. Oh, the propaganda lady. Propaganda lady. Yeah. What do we, Rosie the Riveter I've been talking about for a while now I think there should be a Rosie the Riveter that's such an insult you make a fist you look like a girl have you ever been called that before no I was just trying to give you a novel insult I'll take it that is a novel insult that is a novel very good great callback what are some other inverse eggs because I got one when I'm doing anything and music is playing and I do mean anything I will dance to it not just with the rhythm of my body example I'm sitting on the toilet I'm ready to go but you know the chorus is about to kick in i'll on the chorus i feel like with farting i don't feel like i have to fart i feel like i get to fart i will like do things musically so like when there's music going i'll dance and like you don't even know i'm dancing fucking it's fucking sick it's fucking sick i don't understand the list in my head is all things that would actually i think we should get credit for it but it would actually just be an like I think like knowing all of the lines of a movie is fucking awesome like the fact that I like know all the lines or that like I've watched it so many times that I know exactly like I think and like my guy friends like when we know the lines and we can do the lines of a movie like perfectly or some piece of a stand-up routine that was so good that we both can just do it that we all say together bonding moment it feels so good like I used to growing up like Monty Python like every fucking monty python skit i could do the whole life of brian i could do the whole holy grail like i can you know like there's some things i've seen so many times that i feel like i could just do it from memory there's like bits from shane from uh uh beautiful dogs that like i could probably do from memory because i've watched it so many times i self-soothe with it like it's just something to have on that makes me happy i farted every woman i know like when you like they're not impressed by the fact that you know that you know they hate when you yeah i can see that but knowing it is different than saying it yeah but i feel like a lot of times after shows girls will put down their guy and be like he's like obsessed with you and it's like all right lady like something like can he just be excited like let him be excited why can't he like a thing why do you he doesn't have passion in other that's so specific dude that's so funny it happens dude it's like kind of like he's like obsessed with it's like what do people say i don't know who you are you never knew who you were but like this person like they want to they want to remove themselves from dinner we went to dinner and the dude came over and i was like that is the most fucking back he came over and asked for a photo or something like that it was just us two friday night like fucking we ate a lot of food it was really nice and this guy came over and was like hey just wanted to say massive fan of the show i don't know what you do uh so and i was like yeah if i'm like i the fact that it's so rude it's so rude to do that i see why but i see why they're i think so too in a vacuum but i see why they're doing that they're doing that because there's a vulnerability in giving somebody a compliment and it's easier to be vulnerable if you open yourself to saying i'm not hiding anything i think it's manipulative but i think when people say i don't know i don't even like cupcakes this is one of the greatest cupcakes i've ever had it puts value into the thing that brought that's so different coming over to say i think you're so funny and then to go like oh you're really great too is now taking away from the intention i think That's the psychology.

2:13:04You can just say like, hey man, you don't have to go.

2:13:07Rick Glassman:I think it's an insecurity. Yeah, I agree. I think it's an insecurity, but that insecurity is coming from that place of like, I want you to believe this thing. So maybe, I don't know who you are, could be making a joke or I'm sorry, I don't know who you are, but I think you're fantastic. I think they're saying that because they think they, subconsciously, they think they need to say that to you so they could say it to you. We're all insecure, man. I'm not. I think people's brains glitch with celebrity. Like I represent a lot of celebrities and I have to tell you, like i think people don't quite know how to there is a reality distortion yeah there's just like a feeling of like like i i am the lowest level of of like recognizable celebrity now but when i walk no i don't i don't believe me i could the fucking praise of strangers doesn't mean a whole lot to me but i i find people oh yeah sorry this is literally his current social currency no but no but just it confused me because you were saying i think it's important to give people compliments yeah no i mean i listen i'm not i'm saying for me that's not my thing no i'm not i don't need that that's not true i have a thing i have another thing i have another thing let him finish sorry about that oh no no no no i just exciting i think that i think that celebrity like people just glitch because i will tell you one of the weird things for me now that people recognize me is they'll they'll just go like you know and you can you go like this and then it's turns on takes a little second there's like a turbo or they freak out like they're oh my god i like i oh i love your stuff like and it's such a like granola yeah but exactly right like people will say stuff like that or they just yell something of my and i i mean for me it's like incredible because i'm i'm they're complimenting me like they're like if someone like i represent celebrities and like i'll i'll they'll sit across from me and i'll have seen this person in like a dozen movies and I'll realize like, oh, I don't fucking know you at all.

2:14:51Like I, you read lines somebody wrote and you did it really good, but like, I don't know you. Like I'm about to get to know you. I'm about to like, look at your bank accounts and like know what happened in your marriage. Like, and it's surreal because it's like a person I know, like I've seen you, but I don't know you at all. I'm going to explode if I don't get to do my thing. So I was really quick. I was just thinking about what you said, looking at the numbers, looking at people, like I'm going to get

2:15:13Rick Glassman:to know you. I look at your bank statement and stuff. It's like the accountant and accountant. true so i just wanted to kind of thanks okay can i read this is really good i think everyone's experienced this somewhere in your house there is a door that closes without much friction i know i already know what you're saying and you manage to get it to close just you touch it you walk just and you have to touch and walk and then you're away and you're like sitting down and then you hear like just it's the latch is just about the door hasn't even hit the frame man that is Yeah, that's cool. The sickest thing.

2:15:45That's awesome. Or when you pull up and the song ends as soon as you stop. That's what I'm like.

2:15:50Rick Glassman:Yeah, you press the button, the car turns off. You're like. What about when you sing a song and then you play the song and you were already in that song's key? What do you mean? Oh, you're singing. All we need is love. And then if you put that over that, was I in the right key? You're like, guys, come on. I've never sang. I usually the songs on and I sing to the song. I never sang first and then hit the song on. Yeah, I think it's more a post thing. Oh, you're in a post, Eddie. But when you sing something and then you're already in the key, we could just use that song. What about if you harmonize?

2:16:25What if you found out that you just decided to go one octave up and then it comes in and you're like, oh, man. In key, but one above. I've crushed it. I'll also not like songs if I can't sing them. If I try to sing a song while it's on, I'll be like, fuck it. If I can't do it right, I'm like, the song sucks.

2:16:40Rick Glassman:Oh, that's like thinking somebody sucks because they don't like you. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I get that psychology. It's a little bit like thinking that a sport sucks because you can't play it. Yeah. Well, yeah, that makes sense. Why are you so good at basketball? Buddy, I appreciate that, but the truth is we're all good at something. I just found something that I was good at that fit my body and my energy. Right, but it's quite hard. It's quite a technically difficult sport, and it seems like the sort of thing that would take a lot. Why? You know, I have an amazing dog, and the dog is so well-behaved.

2:17:09The dog is this big. It can't play basketball.

2:17:11Rick Glassman:No, no, what I'm saying is I think I have some part of why it travels so well and he's so kind and he's like a perfect dog. But the truth is I got lucky and then it took on some of my character traits. I think when people are good at stuff, it's not as difficult for them because they're, I'm not saying, I'm not taking this on like I'm this incredible badge. I'm just saying that as far as like skills are concerned, like some things fit people. I play the piano. I don't know how. like i i've learned how to play the piano without lessons a lot of people do i'm not special to this but i'm saying there's something about it where i and i'm a good piano player i've tried and i put a lot of effort into guitar and like i know how to do it uh and that's to prep like have somebody teach me or look like i can't it doesn't feel the same this does you know are there things that you do when you're like oh i'm in a pocket and things like ah so like keyboard basketball hooray but like guitar, baseball, maybe not so much?

2:18:09I don't know.

2:18:09Rick Glassman:I'd probably be great at baseball. What won't you be greater? What do you say? You know, I was asking myself this the other day.

2:18:18Rick Glassman:I think I'd be a great football player. I know I'd be a great wrestler. I know I'd be a great father. I don't know. I'm not good at language, learning other people's languages, other people's, like they belong to them. That's how far away it is that it's possible for me. um making love um uh you're not good at that no okay no because i'm only able to do it to people that i'm actually in love with that make me a bad guy some people can make love to anybody just because is that most skillful or less skillful i don't i don't know if you want to keep anything i've said in on this podcast i just like basketball i just like basketball man just cut that all out You do basketball.

2:19:06Have you guys ever played?

2:19:07Rick Glassman:We were talking about, we want to play together, we want to get stoned together. Yeah, he's inspired me to use my left. That's right. I would always use my right, because you kind of pick one hand usually and you kind of go with it. Be able to shoot, or really just do layups to your left. It's opened up a whole new... I'd rather you miss more layups for a year and then be able to go both ways than to never have loved it all. He's training the weakness. Training the weakness at 40. What information, you know this, what valuable information it is to discover a weakness, to either accept it or try to do something different.

2:19:36I learned that in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu because you get really, by the time you're a blue belt, you have like a couple of techniques you're a black belt at and you just do those all the time because that's how you submit guys. It's like having three dance moves and just going back to the same dance moves. And you have to like go, okay, I got to start to suck again. Like I got to play open guard because I'm bad at open guard and I'm never going to get good at open guard. Who do you think is going to win out of Mikey and Nicky Rod today, those two fights? I think Mikey is very technical and brilliant.

2:20:03And Nicky? I think Nicky's great too. Fair enough. Well, that was easy. Yeah. I think those are the two. I think those are two of the best that are out there. I think Nicky is also very physically gifted. I mean, he's just imposing, you know? And he knows how to use his weight in real ways. But I think Mikey's just so skilled. So this is Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, UFC, BJJ. UFC, BJJ. I'm trying to make it happen. Lots of big characters that are in there. Cool. BJJ being, I don't do it. I'm just interested in some of the drama that goes on. They're like, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is gay or Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is for divorced dads.

2:20:41It's kind of a meme that was like below the surface for a long time. This entire press conference, including the UFC BJJ Instagram, was tweeting, like, I was posting stuff saying, like, Mikey Musumechi will not do gay stuff tonight on the mat. Like, that was in the caption. I was like, oh, this has really broken the fucking containment zone of being an in-joke to now being like the branding of an entire fucking...

2:21:07Rick Glassman:Are they doing it as a joke or they really think that people won't tune in if somebody's gay? The joke is because you're guys rolling on top of other guys inherently. It's the gayest looking thing. No, but I'm saying, are they saying it as a joke or are they saying it as a warning? It's supposed to be like a meta joke around the fact that this is what guys do. They're rolling on top of each other. But to take it and to use that joke, which only six years ago would have been completely fucking unforgivable he made the joke to me at the beginning of the podcast well i understand what did i say swipe to it i'll show you guys i'll remind you later i don't remember uh just it's that the fact that that's broken through yeah i think brazilian jiu-jitsu at its core was always like there was humor i've been doing it for 20 years and there was always jokes within it of like yeah you just have like a dude's balls in your face and like it's but it but it also is like it's, you know, struggle cuddles.

2:22:00I mean, that's what it is. Like it's physical intimacy between two men and a tremendous amount of trust in each other physically. Like, because basically like I trust that when I tap, you're going to stop and not break my arm. I trust that when I tap, you're going to stop and not like choke me into unconsciousness and kill me. Like, because basically when a person taps, what you're saying is like, yeah, you won. Like you just dominated me physically. Yeah, I'd be dead or I'd have a broken limb. Like that's how it works. I feel like you could actually live with a man instead of having sex, you could just wrestle every night, get tired, go to bed together.

2:22:28I mean, listen, what I will tell you with a sex drive.

2:22:30Rick Glassman:It's not the same release. I used to say that when a girl has daddy issues, you end up with a stripper. And when a guy has daddy issues, you end up with a guy who does BJJ. Because it is really like an opportunity for men to like be together, have physical contact with each other. And then once you've rolled with someone, like you have these six minute rounds, once you roll with somebody, like you're like buddies. Like you're just, you're physically like right there. Like you're just next to each other. you're like comfortable touching each other because you've just been i noticed it was less physical contact coming back that way is there a reason for that yes just i wanted i didn't want to be mean but i noticed that you had something right there but listen they say that women uh become strippers if they have daddy issues i say hey man none of my business as long let me just raise a son that that doesn't go out for milk who's lactose intolerant you notice that the the the amount of like a lot of the chinese can i say this yeah they're lactose intolerant yeah it's true i mean if it's true yeah yeah even if they struggle to they struggle to uh get away with beer as well i think they're missing an enzyme which means they get it's called asian flush i think my old business i think black people are also yes and a lot of the jews well the chinese the blacks and the jews clip it who doesn't like the reason why i bring this up is because we followed apparently we followed the cows we were like you know that's what the french people say about english people that we smell of milk like that we say frogs we call the french frogs and it is kind of interesting to think about okay what are the in jokes that other countries have about your country and apparently the french say that the english smell like milk crazy the french have some cool like aphorisms like like marriage turns a lover into a relative like that's fucking gold yeah but in french presumably yeah because they wouldn't say it like that they wouldn't say like that yeah well they might want to speak english if you just fucking said that in french i'm gonna be blown away you do have secret in post put that back in reverse i'm being serious watch this you said in reverse wait wait one second and then cut to this well what was saying the saying again please do this say play reverse and play this marriage turns a lover into a relative okay marriage turns a lover into a relative and now this is going to sound like that's what my french thing sinned was backwards can we do that no it also doesn't look like yeah oh no now they're seeing how the magic is made yeah the sausage gets made like that uh yeah i i brazilian jiu-jitsu gay joke coming through it's just like that's a that's a litmus test of sort of where we're at you know i think there's a thing happening right now.

2:25:15R-word's coming back. You can call something gay. I think it just, we always in this culture treat dandruff with decapitation and then we go back in the other direction again. The pendulum's swinging back in the other direction again. Is that French? Yeah.

2:25:27Rick Glassman:And notice he still called it the R-word and I'm proud. What I want to say is the Chinese don't go out for milk. Does that affect the divorce rates? Because they - Ah, they don't have the excuse. Where did he go? He went out for milk? No, he didn't. Cigarettes, for sure. Yeah, he went out for cigarettes. I wonder if, Interesting, yeah. Yeah. You see him, yeah. See your father squatting and smoking one last time. You say squatting because of the toilet? Squats 200 yards away. No, they squat and smoke a lot of the time. Oh. They squat. I mean, it's the way humans are supposed to stand. Yeah. They do.

2:25:58They sell pants. I ordered them off Amazon. I just learned so much right now. I just really want you to know.

2:26:03Rick Glassman:Really, look at the way the GI tract sits while you're in a squat position. Okay. And it evens out. And that's true because it also strengthens your hip flexors, your quads. Yep. Your alignment for your spine. instead of chairs were supposed to be like this. Yeah. Like a real thing. You can do the rest of the pod like that. Yeah, me too. It feels a little strange, but yeah. It unkinks the rectal, yeah, unmoves the rectal kink. That's what I meant. You ever had a squatty potty? Yeah, I haven't. I've just never heard the word rectal kink before. It sounds like a porn genre. A divorce attorney has never heard of rectal kink?

2:26:36Rick Glassman:No, no. Squatty potty side of the table? I know squatty potty. Have you got one? I do not. Have you got one? I have a Japanese toilet, though. Yes. Is that low to the ground? What's Japanese toilet low? The ones that have the buttons and it does the water. It's a Cadillac bidet. Gotcha, gotcha. With a head dryer in it. Warm, yeah, like warm water. Warm bidet water is too, it's almost too much for me. Well, this is like. It's just, it feels too good. The seat is warm. Warm bidet water, you're kind of like, god damn. The seat is warmed. Is this a sex toy or a fucking toilet? So when you sit down on it, it's always warm?

2:27:09Just any bidet. any warm water bidet hits you and you're like once you have it though you're just cracked

2:27:17Rick Glassman:cold water damn near killed him yeah that's why like it's like flying first class like you don't once you do it you're like but why did i do this if you add a squatty potty to that japanese toilet oh that'd be crazy game changer think about the rectal kink yeah that'd be a real rectal kink i'd have a real rectal kink when that's you know i use my bidet to clean up my asshole but i don't run away from the feeling of pleasure and think like i i'll fill up my ass go on um i'll i'll fill up my ass with so much water that i don't know is that water coming out or is that water pulling more shit out and it doesn't matter hang on you fill it up buddy i i could here's a cool one of those things that we're talking about what you could do closing the door at the right length like that ski ball game that you play at bars on sand with a little puck i'll be able to on my toilet go like this know exactly how to go so not only am i getting it right up my ass i'm nothing but net and i shoot it up there to the point where it's got to go somewhere way to beat it all comes out after you like come inside of a self-administered enema how open is your asshole dude everyone's asshole is the most open when they're relaxed could we at least concede this point that's a starting point okay relax sit on the much hear me out i don't think i've ever been that relaxed because ever because when i because i really i could go like i could go from this to this because your butt cheeks are pulled apart you're bending over i'm basically just i used to when i was a kid and i had to get throat cultures which i had to do quite a bit because my throat hurt all the time i would have panic attacks knowing that sticks going down there would freak me the fuck out like i i couldn't i can't i can't i can't like i was so terrified and then i learned to sit on my hands and i was terrified but i was able to do it right i'm getting a throat culture i don't know let's say i'm 17 years old or something and the doctor's a crazy switch the doctor says the doctor says all right we're gonna do it i'm still scared, but I'm just, I'm, I could, I hate it, but I'm fine.

2:29:30Rick Glassman:I've shot so much water up my ass, nothing but net that I trust myself that this is good for me. This is good. Why am I so, oh no, water's going to go up my ass. Oh yes. Water's going to go up my ass and clean. People are wiping. Imagine if you had shit on your hands and then you just took some paper and went like this and threw it away you're like fucking disgusting put some water on your shitty fucking hands you fucking coward i can't get over how open your asshole is do all of our assholes are open more than that when we poop all right so get off your high horse duration that the poop's coming out i'm not holding it open like i'm like i'm doing wall squats i'm just saying like you know you blink i'll blink and the blink would be the ass goes like this the water takes it the rest and now i'm fine but in order for the water to collect you have to be tightening it back up No, no, no.

2:30:19Rick Glassman:You can only shoot so much water up your ass before water comes down. Believe me, Eleanor Roosevelt. Are you pulsing sphinctle tension? I'm not there for a full chorus. Water shoots up my ass. I'm like, okay, I think I'm done now. I turn the water off and then some stuff comes out. It's like washing your hands. I never got the cascading effect. Because you're not putting enough water up there, friend. Yeah, I guess so. Have you ever made love to a woman and you ejaculated inside of her? He's got two kids, so yeah. One another on the way. Or at least three times. But it doesn't mean that a lot of his semen was pouring out of her.

2:31:01That's true. You've got to keep him on the back. Let me finish my sentence. You've got to keep him on the back. Stay on the back.

2:31:06Rick Glassman:I let them be wherever they want to be. I don't keep a woman anywhere after I come inside of her, just so you know. It depends how functional you want it. Stay down there. If you're trying to have a kid, it is you lay there. Even if you don't have an emotional connection with a woman, you shouldn't tell her what she should be doing with her bodies. Well, a lot of you think so. Unless she wants you to. That's not really telling her what to do. That's making her feel that she is submissive. There's a big difference. That's why you have safe words. I'm only doing this because you're only going on this roller coaster going down so much because you trust you're harnessed in.

2:31:36Rick Glassman:You wouldn't do it without that harness. And how do you know how well somebody could harness you until you get to know them? Are you thinking about the cum run? so you've done the ejaculation and then there is a window of time before it started to come back out that they need to get to the bathroom i always say if you come on if i come on you i'll go to the bathroom first if i come into in you please you go first you always say i say it all the time that's like rules that's kind of like the rules it's certain rules if if if i come on on you if i come you know your belly and your boobs and you know whatever it is that sure whatever other weird Her open butthole.

2:32:11It is. Whatever it is that you want. Whatever it is, it's easiest. Just relax a little more. It'll be fine.

2:32:14Rick Glassman:Wherever you've agreed to. Yeah. You go to the bathroom and you get a wet and a dry towel. It could be two towels. Warm towel. Yeah. So I often will ask. You don't want to go cold. I will ask. I'll say, hey, it takes a while for it to get to warm. Would you like me to bring you cool and dry? Because I don't want to go in there and wait, like, wait for the warm water. Then she doesn't realize, like, what I'm doing in there. So, like. She thinks you're looking after yourself. Which is fine if that's what I want to be doing and I communicate that. but that's not what I want to be doing. I want to clean you up.

2:32:41I got to be honest, the post-coital service from you sounds really nice. And I get, it's a, it's a, it's invited back usually. Is it, you know what I mean? I get that.

2:32:50Rick Glassman:That's where they get the saying, you're invited to the cookout. That's what that means. Now I also get something out of this because I'm embarrassed of my flat ass, but I'm very proud of my huge fat cock. So when I'm walking to the bathroom, You don't reverse out. You don't reverse out. That's just so, yeah. After sex, I'll, do you want me to get you a warm towel? You know, boom, boom, boom. Oh, but I don't want her to see my little ass. I just came on top of you. I want you to think well of me. Why don't you go - From hindsight. Why don't you go sideways so that then the small ass makes your giant dick even bigger?

2:33:21I just never - That's not bad. I never thought of my relative size of my ass. It'll just look like my quad. I feel like that's - Say that again? So you're like self-conscious about having a small ass?

2:33:32Rick Glassman:Like you want to have like a donk a donk? I'm not ashamed of it. But yes, by definition, I am self-conscious of it. I've accepted this is what it is. But like, there are parts like when, when right after having sex with somebody, we're like, I'll give you another example. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Something like if you're tall and have a big dick, like you could. Hey, get in line. Who the fuck can't? Like whatever your ass looks like. I don't think she's going to vomit. I don't think she's going to see my butt and be like, what did I do? You know, I'm just like, I do feel like if I show my butt, I'll probably go like this around my crack and go, I'm sorry.

2:34:01Rick Glassman:I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm embarrassed. You got to do what I do, when she's just getting like a huge back piece of tattoo. Yeah, I'll get a big back tattoo because I got a little ass. Is that the psychology? The only reason you have a back tattoo? That's the only reason I got it. Yeah, yeah. So you get it. That's why I have the abdomen tattoo is it draws the eye. You know what I mean? Yeah. You know, we're seeing that water trap. She's like, damn, you put a bunch of water in that little fucking ass. Yeah, that little bit. A little water bottle. Just a little wet butthole. I had to show my butt on a show recently.

2:34:31Rick Glassman:And when the showrunner messaged me, he goes, hey, you feel comfortable doing this? so we can get you a butt double. And I felt a butt double I don't like because I'm lying. So it has to be so different than mine that that's not the tone of the show. So, but I honestly said - It's a black dude's ass, you know? I don't think that was his ass. I was embarrassed to do it. And I said, and I meant it. And I know that I would rather show my penis than my butt. But I did it and I was embarrassed and I'm going to see it and I'm - That's exposure therapy. I think I recently had Lily Phillips on my podcast, actually.

2:35:04Friend of the country?

2:35:06Rick Glassman:Yes, friend of the country. Friend of the pod. No, Bonnie Blue's friend of the pod. I'm team Bonnie. I'm not team Lily. Sorry. Oh, interesting. I don't take teams. Not my body. Okay. But what we were talking - It's not her body either. That's, cut that out. That's, what are you doing? True. It's all of our bodies, man. It definitely is after a thousand. What's their - You are a fucking fire, dude. Your Bonnie Blue debate with Louise. Thank you. What's their beef? Louise is, by the way, like Louise is such my crush. Like, I think she is just - She's in Australia now. If somebody sold as many tickets as Shane, but maybe one of them had a little bit less or one of them had a little bit more.

2:35:38Rick Glassman:Yeah, but who did it first? If you sold a few more, but I was the first one to do it, that's kind of what their beef is, correct? Apart from the fact that it's a factor of 10. Like Lily Phillips had sex with 100 men in a day. Bonnie Blue had sex with 1 ,000 and 50. Lily also had sex with 1 ,000. Look it up. Did she? Yes. She ran it back? Look it up. Dude, I hate counterfeits. Like the cover is never as good as the original. Well. First time to hit four figures. Remember Eddie Hall? You know Eddie Hall? first guy to break a thousand pound deadlift about 500 kilo deadlift right like yeah how the debate doesn't go always go to oscar robertson's the greatest of all time who's that exactly that's what more championships more mvps but like that's not kobe because that's not the generation they grew up that's the same uncle rogers guy huh uncle oscar robertson rogers son i believe you're saying something of value or a joke i don't get it it's neither oh wisdom i also feel kind of sad for both those ladies how was the conversation it's a nightmare man uh it was nice i just brought up because like she honest because i i got that text right before that podcast and her talking about like what she's comfortable doing with her body it's it's to a different level of what i'm comfortable doing with mine just i don't have the same experience but i uh i'm like she's like just show your butt i'm like yeah hang on you got butt advice from lily phillips yeah she's the she's actually probably one of the few people on the planet that I would consider an expert that works can we go back to the cum run yes I'm so sorry no I do think that that's very important to talk about like the effect of gravity and I guess women like chicks ladies have got to work out how how quickly do I need to move because I don't want to get straight up out of bed yeah like especially if you're not going for the kid thing you know if they do have to pee so they don't get an infection yeah so that is true right but you're like okay well maybe I want to lie here for a little bit if i lie here for too long then i'm risking as soon as i get up and it gets it's weird come gets more like uh like less viscous yeah over time mine gets more viscous temperature more viscous i'm just trying to talk i think it's hard and crusty on the outside on the inside better not be on the inside that would be awful that'd be like the shit that people use like polyfiller to put into walls that would be terrible but yeah and then they've got to make this awkward it's like i'm comfy in bed but now i gotta get up pun intended what was the pun comfy oh very good oh i didn't even see that that's kind of my superpower well played yeah yeah that that's a river that's an inverse egg as well like just puns that go straight over some everybody's head well listen that was cool i noticed i i think this all packed together really well and could we all uh finish sure would you like to i was just making another uh come come joke yeah that was a good i saw what that was yeah hey man this isn't for your audience you miss a hundred percent of the shots you don't take it's just for us you know this is just for us uh but yeah the the come run i think is kind of a fascinating uh bargain that they need sometimes futile though i don't know if you've had that experience but there's like the you know like you've had the sex and and then like you know it's like an hour later and all of a sudden she goes like and you go like oh and she's like some of you just showed back up again like you never haven't had that i've i've every time so many times maybe your cum does something happens after it goes in there maybe like it goes like this kind of like you know you see people like let's say i'm trying to hide from from you and i run in here there's nowhere to go and you see me come in and you look around and you're like oh you must not be here and you leave but i'm up on the ceiling with my legs up against the wall my hands up against the wall yeah see i had a theory because I got snipped like 27 years ago when my second kid was born.

2:39:19And so I had the theory that like the vagina is like holding onto the seat, but they're like, there's gotta be something in here. Oh, like red meat in your intestines. Yeah, like they're like, like it's holding onto it. Like, dude, come on. There's gonna be some sperm. How was that? Did that hurt? Or did like, is that getting an endectomy? Yeah. Oh, it was fucking awesome. Really? For the best$40 copay in the history of the world. It was great. I'm so scared to do that. The experience is not. It was fine. Insurance covers that? Yeah, insurance covers that. Where do all the sperm cells go? Wow.

2:39:46It just cuts off the production. It doesn't change anything about any aspect of your sexual experience. So do you cum? Yes, of course. But does cum come out? Of course. Let's cut to a clip.

2:39:57Rick Glassman:The exact same place it was dead. The exact same volume. Just think of it like a soda gun. It just doesn't have sperm in it. But where does the sperm go is the question. I got this. You stop producing. How does that not affect you if you cut off the life force in your body? It does. It affects your hormones. Life force, I have no idea. Yeah, that's kind of... It certainly didn't change my sex drive. It didn't change my virility. You did stop choking men, though. So your free testosterone and your testosterone aren't necessarily connected with each other, and your body is able to absorb things and use things in the way that your body uses it.

2:40:30Rick Glassman:I can get into that. If you're telling me I'm still producing sperm, my body's absorbing them, that'd be nice. No, it's not that your body's absorbing them. It's the testosterone and the... I don't remember the other hormones. And if you told me, I would know. I've actually been learning a lot about this stuff. I'm having some hormone stuff. Yeah, I don't know. And your body, like, it doesn't need it. So, like, there are certain levels that will become elevated that are in me, for example, that I don't even notice. And, like, if the thing that creates it and then it goes into the testicles and then there's the semen and there's the sperm.

2:41:01Rick Glassman:And the semen is just basically the waffle and the sperm is the syrup. Fair? Sure. Sure. Okay. Where does the semen come from? I'm glad you asked. Just video me jerking off. I think it's the epididymis. The epididymis? I know there's the thing. How did that come up so fucking quickly? So the vas deferens is what puts the sperm into it. The seminal vesicles is what creates the semen. There's the epididymis. My favorite Greek god. It's crazy. yeah i mean a sick tattoo it was it was not in any way it was not in the whole thing so you see the vasectomy right there that where it's cut what you're just cutting is the vas deferens that's all you're cutting oh so they're coming and then they want you they cauterize it so you couldn't reconnect it ever it couldn't accidentally reconnect it's like one of those it's like one of those cookie jars that you put a time around that's hooked to your prostate gland your sperm's coming from your prostate gland?

2:42:01No. I love the bulbarithal gland.

2:42:06Rick Glassman:I think the prostate creates some of the hormones that Oh, I see you're saying the bulbarithal. Yeah, that's where they come from. Sounds like a Pokemon. Dude, your sperm are made under your, they're not even made in your balls? No, the semen. The semen's made in your balls. No, the semen's made somewhere else because you still produce semen but not sperm. Correct. Dude, spermless semen is crazy. I mean, it's happening more and more with all the radiation. It's a lot less stressful. No, it's not a different consistency. Exactly the same. Yeah. I mean, I haven't tasted it, but I assume. I'm blown away by this.

2:42:38Yeah, it's scary. So it was a function of the fact, so my ex-wife, who, you know, she had very difficult pregnancies. She had something called the prothrombin mutation, which caused her, whenever she was pregnant, for her body to create blood clots. And she almost died with our first child. She ended up in, and she was 24, like we were kids. and she was in the hospital for like two months because she had this deep vein thrombosis of the iliofemoral vein. And she almost had a pulmonary embolism. The reaction to being pregnant. To being pregnant. It's this prothrombin mutation is a mutation that causes a woman when they're pregnant.

2:43:12Because your body, when you're pregnant, starts producing clotting factors right near, because it's getting ready to like tear. And like, you know, childbirth is a very traumatic physical thing. So your body increases clotting factors. Well, there's some women who, So from the minute you get pregnant, it starts to produce clotting factors, like way too many clotting factors. And she ended up with a terrible blood clot. So we had our first son. They had to put her on a drug called heparin or fragmin, which is a basically makes you a chemically induced hemophiliac. and it was kind of dangerous for her because she was like a chemically induced hemophiliac but it prevented the blood clots.

2:43:50She was able to deliver our oldest son who he was born 22 and a half inches, nine pounds, six ounces. Like it's a profuse placenta because she was on these blood thinners. Second child, they go, look, the minute you're pregnant, we got to have you on blood thinners because you're going to start having blood clots. He was born healthy, wonderful. Doctor comes in, he goes, great. Everything's great. Two's good. Two kids is good.

2:44:14Rick Glassman:Yeah. And we were like, yeah, no, we think, you know, two's probably good. But he was like, no, no, two's good. Like, you don't like the chances of her having a pulmonary embolism, having a serious. Even with the heparin. They go up every time more. So I was at that point. Interesting. Married two kids, 26 years old. And I was like, OK, I have no plans to get divorced. And I was like, yeah, I don't I don't want her to die. I don't want to be married and wearing condoms. She can't go on the pill because the pill basically tricks your body into thinking you're pregnant. So it increases your clotting factors.

2:44:48So I was like, okay, I either have to be a married man wearing condoms or I'm going to go just get snipped. I was like, this is a no brainer. When got snipped, what does it feel like? Honestly, it was like, it's an outpatient thing. You go in, they shoot you up with, you know, like some Novocaine or whatever. They don't knock you out? No, no, you're totally awake. Like you don't want to look, but you're, you know. And then you - You want stirrups? Yeah, you're kind of up on stirrups. You don't really see what's going on. You don't feel anything because you're numbed out. By the time I drove myself home, by the time I got home, it felt like someone had kicked me in the balls.

2:45:22But you put a bag of frozen peas on it. And then you got to not, you can't bust for like what. No, actually you're supposed to. You're supposed to do, it's like something like 50 ejaculations to get all the sperm out. It's like changing, it's like 200. at the time was like, this is your job. Like, I did my part. I did my part. Now you have to help clean this pipes out. Don't you gotta wait like six days or something? I think you're supposed to wait a few days just because, trust me, your dick would not get hard right after that because it felt like he had kicked in the balls.

2:45:53Rick Glassman:If I felt connected, I get boners from eye contact, basically. Then you're over. Yeah, it's over and you're like, alright, I'm good. And you don't have to worry about that. It's like one less thing. My boy is married. He ain't wearing condoms. I wasn't doing that. That would be crazy to do that. Seriously, wearing a condom with your wife? Come on. He was trying to get a low five. It's brutal. Oh, I didn't say. I'm sorry. Okay. Yeah, no, that's true. Something about it freaks me out, man. You're just snipping all those wires. I think you need to justify that. I don't think you need to be like - Yeah, I think that's a very normal reaction.

2:46:23That this is something that is abnormal. Dude, I know so many people that get them. They're like, yeah, it'd be great. I'm like, ugh.

2:46:27Rick Glassman:Yeah, people get laser eye surgery too. It's like, snip my balls, why don't you? Chris. I got laser eye surgery. I did too. Oh, shit. 2020. funny my i can't because my eyes i could see fine it's it just waits them because when i take my glasses off my eyes go in yeah yeah that's why you couldn't get the vasectomy because your balls do the same thing burn me i actually had i've had ball surgery um when i was uh in 11th grade i had a varicocele okay incidentally it came back elected last i was going to elect to get that last year i'm going to get varicocele what the hell what's a varicocele no i think we're talking about a different thing oh you have a varicocele i have a varicocele and you want are you trying to get pregnant?

2:47:04I just want to increase, but I want to have a family at some point and not too distant.

2:47:08Rick Glassman:It doesn't necessarily increase your semen. So you're not decidedly so. Decidedly. Well, if I may. I am decidedly. You got to get post-economic. If I may, I had that. We got to get some new tonic post-economics. You know what I mean? We got to get you there. I had the surgery when I was younger and it went away, but then it came back. So the reason I'm not having the surgery now is because one, it's kind of a cheat. It does make it more difficult to get somebody pregnant, which if I'm not trying to get somebody pregnant now, it's advantageous. but also it might come back again and also every time you do it you're adding more and more scar tissue and not that the surgery is necessarily that difficult but like why do it now with the risk of like also you might be able to be fine with your partner and if not have it i did the whole sperm i froze my sperm i was like hey what would be a way what would be something that would probably make me reliably unhappy like not having kids i'm i then i watched a video of a guy losing his dick in a freak road traffic accident and i was like that might happen to me well that's propaganda from the cum phrasing business by the way is there any other kind yeah losing your dick in like a car accident is crazy how did it be funny if you were not part of this wait a minute i'm sorry i hate it i hate it around losing your dick in a car accident that's crazy that is it is a car accident it was technically a bike accident so the guy was riding on a and And then he hit, you know, in London, there were those spiked fences, thin sort of wrought iron with a little spike on the top.

2:48:35Homeboy just like hit. And there's a photo of his dick. Like his dick came off.

2:48:40Rick Glassman:It came off? Came off. Dick off. Wasn't Nick Cage in that? Dick off. Who could be meaner? Nick Cage or John Travolta? Vladimir Dickoff. I had a big discussion about a year and a half ago. and I must think about it at least once a month, which is one of the guys made the case that coming on yourself is gay. And that - That I'm gay. But his, and I was like, okay, well, that's obviously, that's an insane thing. And he's like, well, no, because he used a landing strip. The what? Oh, that's a, he's making a, that's a joke. No, this is, he was ardent about this. This was not someone that was joking that he will put before he engages in - Oh, I thought you meant he shaved a landing strip.

2:49:23He'll put like a bunch of toilet paper. Yeah. You don't do that? Beforehand. Yeah. Is that saying to like catch it so it can hit him? Yes. I mean, if that's gay, jerking off is gay. Yeah. No, no, no. His point was if you do it, if you like, the gay thing is - It's a little gay. It is. It kind of is. It's a little gay.

2:49:44Rick Glassman:It literally is. You do have cum on you after you've jerked off. You've also jerked off a guy. You're a guy. I put a towel down not because I'm afraid of being gay, but just because it's like, I don't want to have to clean up my... But surely, if you're going to use the towel, you could just wet the towel. And then... Not the same. You don't just wet cum, especially if you have body hair. That's different. Yeah. It's also where you're pointing it. You know what I mean? Yeah, I usually put a towel over... I'm serious. You put a burqa on. I put a burqa on, cut a hole in it. From my pelvic bone, when I'm about to come, I go like this, and I literally just...

2:50:20Rick Glassman:I don't know where it goes. Yeah. Okay. All right. But this landing strip thing, this is because the table was split pretty much 50-50 between people that were like, yeah, yeah, of course. I appreciate the proactivity of that. I feel like there's like you've thought about, you begin with the end in mind. Yeah, but. Yeah, I respect that. I know what I'm doing here. This is intentional. I don't, dude. It just seems like such a high friction way to do it. It's also weird having tissues on your brain. Well, don't use tissues. You have a cum rag. I'm going to have a vulnerable moment because we're really, we just got into masturbation and we're having this group mail talk.

2:50:51we covered like the seminal vesicles. We've really covered a lot here. Have you, and I don't know if this is just like, yeah, I'm the oldest in this group. I'm turning 54 next week. Have you ever just given up while jerking off? Yes. You have? Okay, cool. I guess I, like where you're just like jerking it off and then you kind of like, ah, fuck it. And you just stop. Yeah. First thing in the morning, a few times. But that's a rarity. Well, first thing in the morning, because that's morning wood is like not really functional. I don't think. That's a good point. It's a Trojan horse. It really is.

2:51:22And I have to tell you, the older you get, you're going to get mad at that. I'm ready to go. You get up and you're like, where were you yesterday? Like, where were you? Where was this? Like, you could hang your hat on this. Maybe your penis would be nicer if you stopped yelling at him. Hey, sucker! You know? First of all, he's gotten me in a lot of trouble. So I feel like I don't know that we're friends. I don't know that we're friends. I've given away half a 401k. Like, I don't know that I feel fucking great about that. Isn't that just a 200.5?

2:51:55Rick Glassman:We'll be right back after a word from our sponsors.

2:52:00Yeah, giving up. It almost, it's like a, sometimes it can be almost a moral victory where you're like, I don't need to do this. Yeah, I don't need to do this.

2:52:05Rick Glassman:You're running for president. But you're not like fully in it. It's like, you're thinking about it, and you're like, oh, maybe I will, and then you're like, There's the old distinction. Are you horny or are you porny? I actually have a great, so I think of this sometimes because I feel the same. I'm sorry. When you kick one of the tripwires, you go like, well, I feel like I'm actually really interested to hear his decision on pornography. It's so great. You're so progressive in your thought and you want to like connect with a woman in an intimate way before you get, but like, how do you land on porn then?

2:52:36Come closer on me.

2:52:37Rick Glassman:So something I've noticed is first, I want to say what, what I tripped on. I think that like, sometimes like I'll, sometimes I'll masturbate because I can. and I feel it's very similar to like, I'm not hungry, but if you look in the fridge, there's something that'll get me hard. Sure. You know, and it's like, I didn't need this and you don't eat the whole thing. You know, I get that. There's grapes on the counter. Yeah, you don't eat that. You're not hungry, but you're like, oh, there's a grape. But like, if you're at home and you're lonely and you're like, I don't know what to do and I don't want to sit in my feelings, let me put on some porn and see if I'll eat something.

2:53:11Okay.

2:53:12Rick Glassman:And then you could get a little bit hard and you're like, then you do that, but it's not good. That's not good. That's chocolate cake when you shouldn't be eating it. Bad juju. What did you call me?

2:53:23Rick Glassman:I think I know what you're saying. What did you mean? Mojo. Bad comma. Bad vibes. Okay. Ju. Did you just sneeze? Am I missing something? I feel like if you're a lawyer, you're allowed to. I think that's the most anti-Semitic of all of those things. I'm a German lawyer. But yeah, I'll come on a towel. Yeah. I think that pornography, much like processed foods in the cabinet, serve a purpose. And I understand its want. I think it's dangerous. I think being able to get that. I'm not a scientist, but I still recognize that feeling of it. And like getting access to that is easier than it's supposed to be.

2:54:05Rick Glassman:And I think whether it's porn or it's junk food or if it's having a conversation with my mother-in-law.

2:54:15the issue is really just like moderation can i give you some stats because i wanted to bring this up for everybody but specifically you this week playboy published the 2026 gen z sex survey that asked more than 2 000 young people aged 18 to 29 what's happening in the world of sex dating and intimacy one in five gen z's are virgins 45 of those who had sex in the last three months had just one partner. So like most sex is happening inside of relationship. This is the 36 % have not masturbated in the last three months. Wow. 36%. I don't believe it.

2:54:53Rick Glassman:That's crazy. I think young kids won't admit that they jerk off and they're lying to the testers. Porn completely satisfies their sexual desire. That I believe. Yeah, that I think I believe. Kids are, you're not, it's your physiology, you're masturbating. Yeah. There's no way. I also just think the proliferation of porn and then the gateway drug of like Instagram almost, you know what I mean? Like the, you're just inundated with images that are like porn adjacent and then porn is so easily accessible. In that case, what's happening with the 36 %? 36 % have not masturbated in the last three months.

2:55:31There's no way.

2:55:32Rick Glassman:You think that's just straight up? I think, I think that, yeah, I think that, I forget what the term is called in, in, in surveying, but like that sample's flawed. There's no way. What are they doing? Priests are jerking off. I don't mean that from a Christian sense. I'm just saying from a biological sense. Like, it's, of course you are. We're all jerking off all the time. If you stop shouting at it. Are these just men or just men and women? Across both. So it could just be, but that would be like still more. Dude, 30 % of men, 30 % of men have not. It's interactive. This is great. I also don't believe that statistic of women.

2:56:12Rick Glassman:I think a lot of women that don't do it feel a sense of shame and they don't talk. I think that's on both sides. More women masturbate. Can we go single in relationship? I have a really strong stance on this. We have, we have, um... Oh, all right, no, no. The discourse right now is, I think, shaming men for masturbating and for porn again. I think that that's come back. That's made like a comeback. Matt thinks that he's a saint if he goes a weekend without jerking. If I go to a hotel, I go away for a weekend if I don't jerk off. if I feel. Have you done that? Do you do that because like I've already gone two days I could go one more?

2:56:45No it's just like there's something about it I'm getting to the age where I'm like I just don't want to I don't want to watch it I don't want to watch porn I just yeah it's just like.

2:56:52Rick Glassman:Oh you're talking about porn or masturbating? Porn porn. If I'm not going to watch porn if I you know I can I can skip porn I can probably skip. Interesting you don't matter a hundred percent of the times you masturbate it's with porn? Not always but it's always like if I can skip one i can kind of skip the other that makes sense like if you've already flossed it's hard to eat the cookies that you don't have in the house so it's like it's just not queuing the hunger in the same way yeah i can i've done it obviously uber eats but yeah but no i i uh something about it i just get not even like a intense shame spiral it's just kind of like memory we never talked about your masturbation on the weekends yeah weird yeah i never talked about it we've I was never a porn guy.

2:57:36I was never a porn guy. You know, it's funny. It's generational, I think. Like, it was really difficult to get porn in the 70s and 80s when I was growing up. Like, you had one friend whose dad had a Betamax. And maybe he had, like, a porno tape under the, you know, like the... And, like, so you'd have to be with someone when you were watching it. And that made it kind of weird. And then you're, like, gotta, you know. So it was just... Or like you'd trade like a bunch of your comics for like someone's Hustler magazine. And then you had like one magazine that you just like a million times over, you know, every photo in it, you know, you, you, you'd gone with.

2:58:11So I, I grew up poor and we couldn't afford, definitely poor and poor. I grew up in like a super Catholic household. We weren't allowed to see movies that weren't, we weren't allowed to see movies that weren't on the Vatican approved list. And I used to get the Catholic standard in time. Big time.

2:58:27Rick Glassman:Big time. And I still know, like, I mean, I was a, I was a accolade. Like I was super in the church. Like I still, to this day know the, you know, the whole thing. Like I know the, the, the entire mass, like I know from the beginning to end. Um, nice. Just like movies. Maybe you just have a great memory. No, I think when I've seen something a billion times, yeah, I can remember it, but it's not that I have a great memory. It's just that repetition, like Monty Python, I saw so many damn times and the Nicene Creed, I had to say so many times. I just, you know, we blew it on judges. Jesus Christ, God of God, light from light, true God of God, I'm not made one of being with the Father.

2:58:58Like the whole thing, it's just in my head. I'm like that with AG1 ad reads. Yeah. I'm not like that with law. Like hearsay is a statement made by the declarant other than while testifying at trial or the proceeding offered into evidence to prove the truth of the matter asserted.

2:59:10Rick Glassman:I could do that with the alphabet. That's cool. ABC, ABC, ABC, ABC, Yeah, that's pretty good. Boys, appreciate you all. Where you shows, anything for people to go to? What have you got going on? um at houston this weekend salt lake city seattle somewhere uh i don't have any dates booked now after those that's the end of this round of the tour go to rick glassman.com i'm adding a whole bunch of new dates and uh thank you guys for your patience with me thank you for your patience um fine i don't even feel that high i kind of passively feel high what have you got uh i'll be Jacksonville, Florida, Charlotte, North Carolina, Tampa, Orlando, Newark, New Jersey.

2:59:53That's, that's a big one. And, uh, you can go to mattmccusker.com. Salt Lake City. Boom. James, what have you got? I'm just out there facilitating the demise of unhappy marriages. That's really the main thing. You go to trustedprenup.com if you want to get a prenup from us, but other than that, I'm at NYC Divorce Lawyer on Instagram. That's about all you. Dang.

3:00:13Rick Glassman:The trustedprenup.com, was it available or did you have to find somebody who had it and you, you made a bid? It was available. Yeah, it was available. Oh. That's how you know you found your niche. Well, we were like, we want to do a prenup, you know, like a prenup service online, all 50 states. And we were like, what should we call it? And we were like, well, like, prenup, you want to be able to trust the prenup. And we were like, oh, trusted prenup. I sometimes see this sign for this dentist office in Los Angeles where they knock you out no matter what it is. Oh, yeah, sedation dentistry. Yeah, and it's something like that.

3:00:41Rick Glassman:It's like no fear dentist. They're doing sedation tattooing. like if you're having like a massive piece they will knock you out you can have full anesthesia do you think they target guys with little dicks or little asses yeah so you've got a massive piece oh no he was saying that he to distract from his little butt he got that big big back piece so it's like i was suggesting that for you i was saying it would draw the eyes up so you turn around you would see i thought you said that's why you did it were you just joking i was just i i genuinely i genuinely no they're sewing my massive cock is so like that's you got a big ass I don't, I don't, I've never really gazed at my ass.

3:01:17I don't know.

3:01:18Rick Glassman:Pun intended. Yeah. It's nice. Solidarity in small asses. Boys, appreciate you all. You got a nice ass. Thank you. See you next time, my beauties. Dude. I have a couple. Keep it going. I have a couple of ideas. Thank you.