Heidi and Marc D'Amelio, "TikTok's First Family" on Running a Family Business and Parenting Influencers

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3:15Roughly 57 % of Gen Zers want to be influencers. Now, should their parents let them? Today, I'm going to ask the perfect people about this. Heidi and Mark D 'Amelio, parents of the most famous sisters on TikTok, Dixie and Charli D 'Amelio. Together, they've been dubbed TikTok's first family, and their meteoric rise on social media has translated into huge partnerships, big brands, and a TV show. Today, I talked to them about what advice they'd give parents of kids who want to be influencers, how in their family business they protect both the family and the business, and how the changing money dynamics in their household have affected their marriage and so much more.

3:53Here's Heidi and

3:58Rehab. Thanks for having us. Thank you. Where did you guys meet? Well, I had been modeling. I'm from Louisiana and I was modeling there, New Orleans, all of that. And I wanted to see if I could do it in New York City. So my friends and I moved and I knew I had to have a job to actually pay the bills. So I was a personal trainer at a gym. And the guy that ran my gym when he was in college was Mark's college roommate so when he moved into the city he was like hey give me a gym membership to his buddy and that's where we met and was it love at first sight for me it was definitely she was from the south she's from louisiana i was born in new york city lived in connecticut very northeast upbringing and that whole thing of opposites attract i think was exactly what happened and then tiktok happened or musically and then everything changed When was that first viral moment where you thought, oh, this is different?

4:57It all started to happen the summer into fall of 2019. And I started asking friends that had more knowledge than I did to find out if this is a business or if this is just a trend that we should ride and have some fun with it. But the first time I think when we're like, wow, this is odd, is when we're outside of our town 30 miles away in New Haven, Connecticut. it. We were at a pizza place and a kid walked by Charlie and was like, and I was like, do you know that person? And she's like, no. And apparently that kid had text Charlie on Tik TOK. And she's like, I was so embarrassed to come see you.

5:37And so that was, wow. People really know who you are now. Charlie and I came out to LA to do some interviews and she wanted to meet some people. We came out in October of 2019. And she had about 500 ,000 followers on TikTok. And when we got back home, she had seven. And within a couple of days, she had a million. And then our daughter, Dixie, joined. By December, they were both gaining a million followers a day. It was insanity. And we were all over the globe. Charlie and I went to Prada. So we did that and Super Bowl and NBA All-Star. We were everywhere. All we were doing was really just trying to find what's best for Charlie and get her management and get her set up with an agent.

6:22And then next thing you know, Dixie started to become popular on social media. And we started meeting with different agencies. We met with WME. And then someone's like, UTA wants to meet with you guys. They came to us with this whole plan that said, hey, we think this could be a family thing. We've never led this like, okay, how do we get famous as a family? I mean, it's fun and it's fine. But if it went away tomorrow, I'd be like, okay, that was cool. Why do you think there is that perception? I could see how it could happen. You know that there are people that have come here with their kids and try to make it about them and we don't.

6:58It has advantages and there's a lot of positives and we love it, but I love it because it's good for our daughters. You don't feel like you're pushing them as stage parents. We push them to the extent as I would push a incredible pitcher who can throw a fastball at 90 miles an hour, who is kind of like, eh, I don't really feel like doing it. I'm like, well, you know, you have this opportunity, you're talented and you got this opportunity. So I push as a parent, but I would push them if they were in college and they're like, I don't feel like taking the test tomorrow. I'd be like, well, you got to take the test.

7:37So it's got that kind of thing. I think we push strictly from a parent's perspective from what's best for them. Normally, you teach your kids the value of a dollar if they have a babysitting gig or like a lemonade stand. So how do you teach your girls the value of money or what that means when so much of it is coming in? I am bad at that. I believe that money is made to be spent. And I believe that you wait for a rainy day and that rainy day might never come because you might be dead. I grew up in a single household and my mom didn't have money. And I thought if I'm going to work my ass off that I want to give my kids what they want.

8:18And I think in some weird way, that's been a negative because I think when you get things, you lose appreciation for them. But I think Heidi's done a really great job making sure they know where I'm just like, there was no way we're driving by a Toys R Us without me pulling in. And they knew that. So. But before TikTok. Yes. When they were kids. So it never changed. You were just like, money is made to be spent. Because I think there's two schools of thought. I'm going to live forever and I'm going to die tomorrow. And probably the sweet spot for money is somewhere in between. But it sounds like you're on one side of the spectrum and you're on the other.

8:54I mean, look, since my career started going, we've never been in a situation where we've spent more than we had coming in. But people who just pile up cash for some rainy day, I just never, I want to live. I want to enjoy myself. But for me, I don't think I'm ever going to stop working. So I'm just not wired that way. Like I wouldn't know what to do if I retired tomorrow. I'd go crazy. we didn't grow up with a lot of money and it was very much I have three older sisters my and my mom and dad were very much okay if you want this then you have to earn the money and I remember I saved up probably two years for a go-kart and I was still like probably$25 short and my dad like don't tell your mom and I remember it like it was yesterday and that meant so much and so I did that with the girls.

9:44The girls had age appropriate little charts and there were chores that were non-negotiables. And then the things you could earn money for that was like extra and super helpful around the house and towards the family. So, you know, it started out with just photos of whatever the chore was. And then it got more elaborate over the years and they got it that they had to earn. But just to back up, when we started this first person we hired was a business manager. We hired an attorney. We have a really solid team and I didn't want to be responsible for the kids' success or failures as it relates to their finances, but they do not spend a dime.

10:21I also think the fact that they got things that they wanted doesn't make them, there's some weird way they don't yearn for material things probably because yeah, it's exactly, it's yeah, I would say that's yeah even yesterday we were looking for a house for charlie and i was and it wasn't what she wants like she and dixie live together now and it wasn't exactly what she wanted i'm like i'm like you could spend a little more and she's like can i and i was like yeah just call ron who's our business manager and tell him or i'll call him and say look you know the the month they don't have they don't spend money on cars they don't spend money on we usually go vacation twice a year and we kind of still do that.

11:07So I'm like, your house is your most important thing that you, you spend 99%, 95 % of your time there. So make it nice. So. And so it's different, I guess, when you were buying the Toys R Us stuff and then when they're buying it. So how do you think about teaching them about saving or spending? Did all the money when they were starting to make money, just go to them or did it get divvied out from you guys? No, it goes to the business manager. And then there's, you know, I mean, everybody knows this. There's lawyers gets a percent, agent gets a percent, manager gets a percent, business manager gets a percent, and then they manage the money.

11:42Charlie would call me and go, dad? And it was a little different. When she started, she was 15, then 16, then 17. And now 18 legally, she can do whatever she wants. And still she kind of, is this okay? I'm thinking about getting this. They're in Milan for the Prada show. and she was in the Prada store and she FaceTimed me. She was like, I'm so scared, but I had to talk to you about this. I'm like, oh my God, what happened? She was like, well, this is pretty green Prada bag. What do you think? Should I get it? I was like, well, I mean, you're there with Prada. You should get it. And she was like, well, I was thinking if I get it, then me and you and Dixie could all use it.

12:24And then it would be like, it's less because we're going to all share. I was like, Charlie, enjoy yourself. You can afford the purse. Take it. Does that make you proud? It makes me very happy that she thinks to call us. They both do that. Dixie called about her best friend is graduating college. And she was like, how much should I spend on her graduation gift? Like, I'm just not sure. I want to make sure she knows. I'm so proud of her. Like, it was this whole conversation. But she calls us for things like that. Because if she called her business manager, he wouldn't know how important this person is to her.

12:58He would probably say a number. I think she probably knew we'd say something a little bit more than Ron would say. He's very conservative. But we would be more involved if they were spending recklessly. They're not. So we're just like, all right, they're good. I know that this has a potential not only not to last forever, but not to last for, you know, it could dry up next year. And this revenue that they have has to last for them. So, but they're good. Do they get an allowance? Most of their stuff goes on credit cards. And they're trying to earn credit. So that's their big thing because Ron explained the whole thing to them.

13:35And they were like, I'm going to put this on my credit card because I'm building credit, mom. Yeah. I'm so proud of you that you know that at your age. Like, you know. I'm so proud. Everything that they buy is on a credit card. And then we get a full credit card statement and then everybody's responsible for going through. And I ask them all the time, like, how are they doing spending-wise? I mean, Uber Eats, that's probably... That and Amazon is probably the most charges that they have. Hold on to your wallets. Money Rehab will be right back.

14:11And now for some more Money Rehab. Some of my entrepreneur friends have their kids negotiate for their allowances too to teach them the power of negotiation. did you ever think of that charlie is the best negotiator in the world and the two of them together moving to la dixie found the house and she went on this whole thing about why this house would work for us and we have four dogs and all this stuff and the two of them together and they feed off of each other and dixie's like charlie cue the tears let's go and it was like a whole thing i'm sure you negotiate with the best of them but then you have girls are you sucker yes Oh, definitely.

14:50If they ever came to me and said, I really want this, they would get it. But look, we're not digging ditches. We're not doing manual labor, but they do work. I mean, people think that it's, they wake up and they do a TikTok and they get paid. They're on set for sometimes 10 hours and they're flying all around and there's very busy schedules. And so I want them to celebrate and be able to buy something for their work. It's a balance, but it's also testament to you guys for parenting. I mean, there's so many young kids that want to be influencers. What would you say to their parents as they're starting to think through if they're bringing in money, how to handle it?

15:28I think a parent's natural reaction is to protect them and make it a negative thing. And I feel like if you could be in it with them, they need help, right? And so I'd rather be the one they're coming to to help guide than going who knows where and getting random information. So I think if you could be in it with them as much as possible without being overbearing, you have to let them do their thing. And I think we did a good job of that. I mean, this generation just gets it. And so we never got in the way of that, the creative process, whatever. When it comes to early on, we didn't know the difference between an agent and the manager.

16:10And so we tried to educate ourselves. But my advice to parents would be, let your kids do it because if they're not going to be a traditional influencer, like most people think like a Dixie or a Charlie or one of the many, they can influence in their sport. It's the currency of today. I mean, I say it all the time. It used to be if you'd talk with someone and say, oh, I went to Harvard or Yale, you'd be like, wow, impressive. And you say, that person's got a million followers and they're verified on all social media platforms. You're like, wow, how they do it's something that i think coupled with all the traditional things education and and and what you do for a job i don't think it can hurt i mean i guess it can but that's where the parents come involved i think it can be really good for them yeah there's a huge power and a huge currency like when kim kardashian was hosting snl and she was like i'm an influencer it was kind of like yeah yeah that there's so much value to that and i guess it's kind of like drinking with kids too.

17:10They're going to do it anyway. You might as well teach them about it and give them your wisdom, which it sounds like you guys became smarter about and helped guide them. I think too, they've always been able to have the floor and talk to us. So I don't think when all of this happened, it was weird for them to be coming to us like, what is happening? It was never in my way the highway house. It was never, everybody had a voice. And that's why I think that's where Charlie really got good at negotiating things. It did take her a little, both of them, a little bit of time. I mean, all they knew their whole lives was the four of us.

17:54That was solid. And then now you have people, lawyer, business manager, agent, manager, all of these people. So for a long time, they would still come to us with things and then we'd have to go to the team. But I feel like they've gotten so good at talking for themselves. And I'm just so proud of them because I mean, they're young. They were like very young and everything happened fast. So they're doing so good. And that makes me super proud. Well, there are a lot of child stars that say like, oh, I wish I had a normal childhood. But I guess you don't really talk to the parents. That's why I'm excited to talk with you guys.

18:29Like, do you miss having this normal parenthood or has this just been the ride of a lifetime. What's cool is we experienced this. Charlie was 15 and Dixie was 18. So they did have a normal childhood for the most part. If this would have happened, Charlie was a child actor at seven or eight. That's a different ballgame. Charlie ended up going back home. Dixie went to her graduation, even though it was during COVID, high school graduation, prom. Charlie went to her prom. Her class. Yeah. And then the things that they didn't experience is you know going for a lot of kids going into college and moving into a dorm and us dropping them off but Dixie has been to her friends that her friends colleges and has all the great experience of that without having to take a class and and you know and they could always go back if they if they want to they have that ability but so they didn't really miss out I think like you know we'll see how it goes with with charlie because she definitely now is she could either stay stuck in this childhood type thing and she does have a lot of tendencies to like younger what would you say like what are some examples of some of the things like she likes that or like because she and dixie live together so dixie's like this girl buys toys all the time She's like, she's a child.

19:56She's constantly buying like, you go to her house, there's just like toys, you know, random, whether it's stuffed animals or little, those mini, she likes miniature everything. So like the mini toys and things like that. But we did everything. We did parent teacher conferences. Heidi got involved in the schools. Like we didn't miss out on that. We actually had the benefit of both worlds. We got to experience a robust childhood and all that comes with that. in the suburbs of Connecticut. And then we got to come to Hollywood and do all this. And Charlie has stayed connected with a little group of her high school friends.

20:32So she brings them out here all the time. And it feels very high school as much as it can in LA. And then when we go back, we don't see her. She's at her friend's house, sleepovers, pool, you know, hanging with their family. So she does have that feeling of, even though they go back to college and she comes here, that when they're together or they're home for the summer, they get to just be teens. I guess the teens, though, have a greater scrutiny on physical appearances and the mental health toll of it as an adolescent girl. It's just more scrutiny, more comments. I mean, you went through modeling.

21:08How have you talked with the girls about that? Or what would you say to parents? They were dealing with that before social media. I think there's no easy answer for that. Just be there to listen. I think I tried to fix too many times. You just want them to feel better. And Dixie actually, when she was a little bit older, she was like, I just need you to listen to me cry and be sad and I'm going to be fine. I would argue that, yes, is it tough for Dixie and Charlie to see a negative comment, get 100 ,000 likes, that's pretty massive. But they're smart enough to break it down and go, who is this person?

21:51You have no idea who they are. They might be having a bad day. Don't worry about it. What I think is harder is when you know the person who your parents are friends and it's Sally across the street being ruthless towards someone. You have to see that person every day. That to me is even worse than what we deal with. I click on the profile, like private or really? and then I go on to the next thing. Yeah. It took them a long time. All of us. Yeah. All of us to get to that point where we're like, oh my gosh, this is so stupid. But early on, it was, if anybody's seen our show season one, it was debilitating to the girls with these comments and everything.

22:32And, you know, our agent told us early on, it takes probably about five years to where you just like, don't even care. And I think we've all done really good because it hasn't been five years and we're like, whatever. hold on to your wallets money rehab will be right back

22:50and now for some more money rehab on one of the episodes of the show charlie was talking about wanting to be more involved in business decisions has that been a way that she's regained some of her power or like how has that worked she could be as involved as she wants to be i think some of the things that she wants to do we kind of went through this thing where I want her to do her own thing. Like I want both girls to do their own thing. I just was a parent. I just want to make sure that A, they're ready and B, that we don't have a bunch of people around them guiding them in a direction that isn't in their best interest.

23:26And how do you guys work together? I'm definitely still in the learning phase of business, but for so long, he's taken that role of business and earning money in the family. and we're empty nesters, obviously, and we're doing our own thing and I'm doing my thing social media wise and that. But I'm in all the meetings and I just soaking it all in because I know to be sitting next to him, I'm going to learn the most amount. And I want to be a contributing part of this. And I think in the conversations, I come from a different perspective, which I think adds value that he might not be thinking of on the business side.

24:11So my favorite thing is I'll bring up a point. He was like, that was really good. And I'm like, wait, that means so much. I get like nervous and like excited because that means so much coming from him because he's done a really good job of earning money for our family all these years. So anything I can do to help, I want to, but I do know my limitations and I'm still learning. But it's been great. When I was running my showroom and sales agency in New York City, she wasn't involved at all, really. And now she definitely does contribute. And I need someone. This isn't just business. This is business in Hollywood.

24:48And everybody is trying to get a piece of something. Either it's the girls or everybody has an ulterior motive. And it's great to have family around you. And I think she sells herself short on her ability to help and contribute. And it's been awesome. Like she's by far the biggest supporter of the footwear of our footwear brand from a modeling side, from the spokesperson side, from thinking outside, from from getting involved in this in the styling. Why are we doing this? It's just been the development, every part of it. And I couldn't be happier about like it's it's really easy. I think the only issue we have is taking the business home with us sometimes.

25:31we started doing that with the girls earlier on we're all on our phones talking about like oh did you see this video and it always ends up going to business even the girls are vocal about it like i don't want to do this this is family time no business talk and so when it starts we're like oh wait i can't believe i'm doing that and we'll like shut it down but then he and i would still do it and so now we're getting really good at it that happened yesterday you're like oh i'm not doing this. I'm not going down this road. We're not talking about business. This sounds like it's been a journey. It's no surprise you guys had some marital problemos during the Dancing with the Stars time.