How To Have An Unforgettable Wedding Without Breaking the Bank

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3:17So I got married. I know I haven't talked about it on the show at all. And that's because I'm keeping that memory just between me and a very, very tiny group of people that was with me and my husband on that day. But I decided to talk about it today because I had such a hard time making my wedding budget and actually sticking to it. And you know me, I love a budget. So I figured if I was struggling with this, I couldn't be the only one. And as it turns out, a survey by The Knot found that sticking to a wedding budget was the number one challenge for couples who got married last year. So if you're trying to figure this out, this episode is the masterclass I wish I had.

3:49But like I said, I had a hard time with this. There was so much I didn't know. So I am calling in the experts. I'm working with The Knot to give you the best guidance in the biz. Today, I'm talking to Lauren Kay, wedding budget expert and executive editor of The Knot, about actionable strategies to have your dream wedding without breaking the bank. Lauren Kay, welcome to Money Rehab. Oh, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to talk about your life and your gig. That sounds like the coolest. I picture your life like Jane from 27 Dresses. Have you seen that movie?

4:25You're the expert, right? Obviously. Always at weddings, You're reading about weddings. Like, is that 24-7 Lauren K life? Sort of. I was at a wedding this past weekend. I haven't been a bridesmaid in the hot minute, but I did wear some pretty memorable dresses over the years. But yes, my gig is all weddings all the time. And I love it. And because you're the pro, I'm really excited to talk to you about all things budgeting specifically for weddings because I just got married. And thank you. I found this to be one of the hardest parts about my own wedding planning. Did you struggle with this when you were getting married?

5:05Absolutely. Doesn't everyone? You know, for me, I actually started working at The Knot just before I got married. So I went into it not knowing much and learning really quickly between August and November of my wedding date. All the things I didn't know. I used The Knot to help plan my wedding, but it was just enough to second guess all those decisions too. But the biggest mistake I think I made, and I feel like so many couples do this, is I just picked an arbitrary number with my parents and made that my budget. And then, oh, gosh, as we started doing research and as I started figuring out what I wanted, I realized that number didn't quite really match with my vision.

5:41And so I ended up having to adjust my budget and I did end up going a little over budget. So I'm really excited because we are aiming to fix that at the not. It's our life quest now. I love that. I am so on board. Let's start super, super broad here. What are couples on average spending on a wedding? Sure. So we do a ton of studies every year because we love data at the Knot. And our Knot 2023 Real Wedding Study revealed that the average cost of a wedding is around$35 ,000. And I just have to caveat that because average means so many different things, right? Right. Depending on the region you get married in, your guest count, how many vendors you use, budgets can vary widely.

6:27And so it's important to think of it as an average. That being said, I feel like you very rarely talk to someone who's like, sign me up for that average wedding. Right. Everybody has their own vision. So I think it's a number we know and we have the data to support. But I always kind of tread lightly there because it can really look differently depending on the type of wedding you're having and where you're doing it. And what's the most expensive item typically for a wedding? So the most expensive item is typically the venue. It's one of those things you book really early on and it's a big chunk of your budget.

6:58Sometimes it also includes catering, but if not, then catering usually comes next. And then we see couples spend a lot of money on music, photography, and flowers. So those are where we see the most of the wedding budget going to. But again, it's so hyper-personalized. weddings these days have so many factors that go into it around personalization and authenticity to the couple. So everyone spends a little differently, but that's the general consensus of how the budget gets spent. And what are some sneaky expenses that people don't anticipate? Okay. So I think the most important thing is to budget for the entirety of something.

7:34And I feel like that gets lost in translation a bit. So, you know, for example, you're budgeting for your wedding dress, right? But you're not thinking, wait, I'm going to want shoes and I'm going to need alterations. And what about my jewelry? So I always say, when you think about your wedding budget, think about the entirety of each expense. But some of the common things that we see people kind of just forget to include or think about are event rentals. So if your venue includes tables and things like that, great. But you might also want to bring in a lounge or a specialty dance floor. Another sneaky cost is wedding insurance.

8:06I got married in an art museum in Florida, and I was required to have wedding insurance. And that certainly was not on my early line items of my budget. Also thinking about your vendors. A lot of times there's travel fees associated with them, meals, and then gratuity. So it's just really thinking about the entirety of the expense as you start to put those in your pie chart. Can we double click on gratuity for a second? What's the etiquette there? Are you supposed to tip all of your vendors? And should it be in cash? If you have a wedding planner, should that person do it? Yeah. So it's a great question.

8:38And we always say that tipping is totally at the sole discretion of the couple. That being said, I think it's such a nice way to recognize the hard work that goes into pulling off a wedding. Your vendors are out there. They're part of the service industry. And I think giving a tip is definitely appreciated. And I think fairly customary. When we got married, my husband and I did use our wedding planner to deliver all the tips on the wedding day, but we wrote a handwritten note and put them in an envelope. And in most cases we did cash. I think cash is still king, but I think it is one of those things where, you know, you have to feel out the services you're getting and make those decisions.

9:13But nowadays, my goodness, you buy a cup of coffee, you tip, you get groceries, deliver a tip. I mean, it's just so part of our culture. I think we will be remiss not to do it to those hardworking vendors. I did an episode about this a few years ago and argued that wedding planners are a great way to save money because it's someone else who's accountable for that budget. And they also might have special relationships with vendors and might be able to get you a discount. Do you agree? Yes. Overall, I would say working with vendors is going to save you dollars, save you stress, save you time. So I think partnering with them is so invaluable.

9:50Hiring a wedding planner is a definite flex. I hired a wedding planner right away and I was so relieved because at the time I was actually planning my wedding elsewhere. So having somebody who already knew the industry and knew the niche of where I was getting married was so helpful. She recommended vendors who knew my vision or could match my vision, who knew what I wanted to carry out, who'd actually worked at the venue where I got married. So I think a wedding planner can absolutely help you. But I would say anybody on your vendor team can offer really invaluable advice and can also be a great resource when it comes to the budget.

10:23So share your wedding budget, share your costs with these people and let them help you because they are truly an invaluable resource when it comes to planning. Yeah, I brought one on toward the end. So I was doing a lot of the negotiating myself. And I definitely wished I brought one on sooner because I think that originally I figured it would be too much of an expense. But what I maybe saved for in that expense, I made up for it in a lot of stress that I brought on myself. Totally. I'm being a go-to person. Yes. A couple say that. We found it when one of our surveys couple said that 68 % of it was managing the stress and 34 % of it was aiding in decision-making.

11:02And you do get a bit of decision fatigue with all of these things and having somebody by your side, like a wedding planner who can help advise and they know what you're trying to do and they're helping you bring this vision to life. It is, it's huge. If you're dealing with the vendors directly, or if you have a wedding planner as the liaison, on, you mentioned photography and flowers and some of the other expensive things in addition to the venue. Have you seen some creative ways to save on those things, whether you're doing it directly or via a wedding planner? Yes, absolutely. So there are so many ways to save.

11:38So for example, if you hired a wedding planner and you found a venue you love, maybe the Saturday night option is a little out of your budget, but you could pick an off-peak time, whether that's seasonality, whether that's getting married on a Friday, catering. This is another easy one where if you're working with a good caterer, you can say, here's what I have to spend. How can I do what I'm wanting to do for a little less money? It might be serving more in season foods. It might be having just a signature cocktail or two, and then having wine and beer at your open bar. So there's lots of creative ways to do that.

12:10I also think that picking a band or a DJ is a great save and music. Sometimes we see couples do both or some people will say, Oh, you know, the DJ will save you cash. You're really just better off choosing one and allowing that person to work within your budget. So a band, it might be going from a 20 piece band to an eight piece band or something of that. Like photography is also a big expense. And I feel like one of the things I love is hiring somebody who is local to your wedding location. This means you don't have to pay for the travel. You can usually cut back on some of those expenses and wait until a little later to, you know, work on all the after effects of like the album and all of those prints.

12:50Sometimes you can spend that money later. So if you don't have it in your budget right away, you could ask for it down the road, which is another great flex. And lastly, flowers. I think that so many people go into it, not knowing how much a peony or ranuncula might cost. So talking to your florist about the look you're after, sometimes they can choose alternate stems that might be more affordable. Also help you repurpose arrangements. So maybe arrangements you had at your ceremony setting can be repurposed at the reception. It's a great way to make your dollar just go a little further. I think it's just really important to decide on what you want to spend on.

13:23Like you can't splurge on everything, but you can maybe splurge on one thing and whatever that one thing is really important to you. Maybe it's important to get a great wedding photographer. I remember I had Elaine Welteroth on the show and she told me something about her stoop wedding during COVID that was super cute. She said one of the things she really, really wanted was getting an awesome photographer because those photos are going to last forever. My husband is really into music and he wanted a harpist. And so that was the first vendor we ended up getting. What was something that you really cared about when you were getting married?

14:00Yeah. Oh, I love Elaine. She was on her cover. She had a beautiful super wedding and I think her advice is so sound, right? You spend all this time planning your wedding. It's so nice to be able to have the memory of that. So I would absolutely agree with capturing that photography is huge. I would also say a videographer. A lot of people don't think about that until later in their planning and they've already started to spend quite a bit of their budget, but I watch our wedding video all the time. My kids love it. And I think now that we're in this era of video where you've got audio and you're seeing video all the time on social media and websites, you're used to that kind of live action.

14:34And so being able to hire a great videographer who will edit a beautiful vignette of your day is such a wonderful keepsake. There's a give and take, right? So if you splurge, you go big on one area, you know, maybe you can scale back in another area. Did you try to do that? Like opt for an awesome videographer, but then do a more budget friendly alternative on something else? Absolutely. You're so right. You cannot splurge on everything, nor should you. We don't want people going over budget. I think it's super important to pick a couple of things that are of value to you. So we ended up getting married at a museum, an art museum, and we did a lot of our activities outside.

15:13So we had our ceremony and our reception outside. And at first I had this really big flower budget. And as I got out there, I thought, gosh, this is really beautiful. There's a beautiful tree, it's a beautiful setting, all the sculptures were lit at night. So we ended up scaling back on our floral budget. I still had panties in my bouquet, but we did greenery down the centers of the table. And we ended up hanging some lanterns in some of the trees, as opposed to doing some of more of the flowers. We also scaled back on the idea of a favor. We asked our guests to travel for the wedding and it was a bit of a weekend affair.

15:43So we did welcome bags, but at the actual wedding, we didn't do any favors. We served everybody a hot pretzel on the way out the door and we had a photo booth, but we didn't invest in, you know, anything tangible for them to take home. So those were two ways we kind of cut back a little bit or saved a little bit so we could prioritize other things in our spending. Honestly, I love a hot pretzel. I would take that over some of the gift I've gotten any day. Great call. There's so much pressure though, in general, to make your wedding the perfect day. A lot of us dream about what that looks like.

16:16And so you just, I was filled with anxiety going into it and trying to recreate what that perfect day looks like. Was there anything that you spent money on that you felt like maybe in hindsight, I shouldn't have spent money on that? Absolutely. So I chuckle a little because we all have this notion of the perfect day. And I just want to caveat that there's no such thing. Things will go wrong on your wedding day. It never fails. We hung tons and tons of market lights on the beach for our welcome party. And the whole thing got rained down. We had to go to plan B. So all of my lighting budget on these market lights were never seen or appreciated by my guests.

16:56You know, it rained on our wedding day. We had to make a few pivots. We cut into the styrofoam layer of our cake. Our champagne flutes broke. Like at the end of the day, we were still married and it was still an amazing day. So I always say to people, the perfect day is what you make it. And, you know, priority spending, yeah, priority spending on the things that are most important to you. The market lights were not most important to me, but we did it. And now I'm kind of like, gosh, I wish I maybe would have spent a little less there. There's a lot of little things you stress about and feel like you need to do the extra or the upgrade on, right?

17:27Whether that's like the linens or the china and those things do add up. And at the end of the day, if you were to close your eyes and imagine the best weddings you have gone to, you're probably not thinking about those small upgrades that couples made. You're thinking about the great time you had, the vibe, the energy. I've never not once, not ever thought back and been like, oh my God, those linens, That was the best wedding I've ever been to. Yeah. And so much went wrong on my wedding, too. We bought lanterns as well. And those didn't go off like something happened with the flame. We also ordered these like custom candles, but they came in plastic and you can't light plastic.

18:06That's problematic. You know, there was a bunch of little things that happened. But overall, it was my favorite day because I had my favorite people. I know this sounds so cheesy and so cliche, but we just had so much fun. It was the most fun I've ever had at a wedding. So I love that. And that is exactly, that is so it. And I feel like it is cliche, but now that you're on the other side, you know, that there is truth behind the cliche, right? That like, it really is the best day because you're with your person, you're with your people and whatever happens at the end of the day, you made this huge commitment in front of all your loved ones and you're married.

18:41Yeah, that's right. Also account for the dry cleaning when you're thinking about your wedding budget. My makeup artist put like body makeup on me. They got all over everywhere. It was a whole thing, but super, super expensive dry cleaning bill. So just factor that in. Aside from that, and I love that you talk about these little hidden costs because it's the whole shebang. It's not just the dress. It's the alterations and the veil and the thingy that you put in the veil and all the thingies and the do hickeys. Can you take us through some of the best practices of wedding budgeting besides remembering the hidden costs?

19:25Hold onto your wallets. Money Rehab will be right back. And now for some more Money Rehab.

19:37So my biggest piece of advice is don't do what I do. Don't just choose an arbitrary number. do your research. One of the best things you can do is really set your budget based on real data. And we know that the budget, the B word, as we like to call it, is so, so tricky to talk about and so tricky to unpack with not only your significant other who you're marrying, but also other people who might be contributing to the wedding spend, right? They might be contributing, you know, money from your parents or their parents. And so it is, it's a tricky conversation, But I think if you can set your budget by actually researching wedding costs, you're going to be ahead of the game.

20:15So we found that 86 % of couples go blind like I did. And 78 % of vendors feel as though these couples don't really have realistic expectations. They don't understand the value of the service they're providing. And that can lead to a bit of a discrepancy. So like I said at the top of the podcast, we are trying so hard to solve this for couples because it is such a huge pain point. So we just launched the Not Budget Advisor. I am obsessed with this tool. It is the thing I wish I had when I got married. It's kind of like crowdsourcing all of your friends to be like, wait, how much did you spend on that?

20:49What does that cost? It is a digital tool and it really provides a real wedding budget estimate based on your location, based on your priorities of what you want to spend. And it really leans into all of the insights we've collected from all of these couples on average costs, things that might be influencing pricing. And it's packed full of some of that really helpful service, right? Those tips, those tricks, those things you don't want to forget, the things you might want to account for. our editorial team is really hoping to do this journey hand in hand and leave you at the altar with totally in budget wedding venue, wedding costs, nothing in the red, everything in the black.

21:29That is our goal with this tool. And I think it's been really, really successful. We have seen so many couples jump in and play around with it and say, oh my gosh, this is so great. I didn't know this is how much things cost. So I think you can really utilize it as an early research tool. So if you're getting married or if you just got engaged, even before you start planning, go in and do a little research, figure out where you might like to have your wedding, do a little research on what it costs to actually get married there. So a wedding in Alabama is going to cost you a lot different than a wedding in Baltimore, Maryland, or then a wedding in San Francisco, California, right?

22:01They're all different. So if you pick your location, you can start to narrow down what things actually cost. And the budget tool is this really cool little wheel. so you can start to break apart those pie charts. Maybe you really love music and you want to have a bigger piece of your pie dedicated to music and your budget. So you can really start to customize it in a way that makes sense for you as a couple. And ultimately that will leave you in a really great spot to start wisely spending your funds. I wish I had that as well. I mean, how much wiggle room should you leave? I assume most couples are going over budget.

22:39If you go into well research, I think that you can be realistic about what things cost and you can stay within budget. But I would always say about 10 % is a safe cushion. You know, just in case you have unexpected expenses that come up. And what I mean by that is like, let's say it's typically warm at the time of year where you're getting married, but a cold front comes through and now you need to like roll in some heaters for your outdoor event, right? Just little things like that that might come up or extra alterations that you need on your dress or turns out you have to seat a couple extra guests, whatever that cost might be.