TAKING A PAUSE

0:14Hello, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of my sister's diary. I'm coming to you a little bit late on Tuesday because I'm literally recording this Tuesday morning because I have been kind of wrestling with what I want to do and I have kind of decided as much as I as I can I guess for right now um I'm gonna I'm gonna take a little pause on the podcast and I think I've just been um I don't know kind of feeling burned out maybe I don't know if that's word, but also like kind of discouraged. And I don't know, it's it's become more of like a mental load for me where I went into this like wanting to it to be fun and like something for me and where it's kind of turned into not being that anymore.

1:02For right now, I think I need to take a pause. And it's I don't want to I don't want to quit. I want to keep going. But I think I just need a little mental break. And it's probably just like the season changing. I always get kind it down and in the dumps during the winter, you know, not postpartum, I almost said postpartum depression, but seasonal depression comes a knock in and I think I just need a little bit of time. So when I first started podcasting ever in general, I never really thought of the idea of having seasons per podcast. It just like didn't really occur to me. I've heard a podcast during it, but in my mind it wasn't like they had like a break between seasons, but I've been doing a little bit of looking in and I listen to some podcasts that do seasons as well and I think that that is what's going to work for me in order to like keep doing this long term because I just need a mental break every once in a while and historically this is what I do I start a new thing whatever it is like I started doing art once I started a bow business I started I've started so many things and then just like quit because I get burned out.

2:11And I think this time I was like, I'm not going to do that with this. I'm not going to do it. I'm going to keep going. And so that's where the idea of doing seasons came to me because I'm like, okay, this gives me like a built-in break in time to like restart, I guess, not restart, but like recharge, recharge. So that's what I'm going to do. We're going to take November and December off and then I will be back January. I can't I was gonna say january 1st, but I don't know if that's What day of the week that is I think i'm gonna change the day of the week just because the way that it ends up working out is like i'm always like Okay, well i'm gonna record on the weekends But no i'm not i'm not gonna record on the weekend So then I don't record all week long and then I don't end up recording on the weekend And then monday comes around and i'm like, oh, I have to hurry and get something out And so then I get something on monday and then it just adds up in my like, I mean, I haven't been diagnosed with ADHD, but like it's been thrown around, you know, with with therapists and doctors in discussion with my with me.

3:14Anyway, yeah, I do think that that could be part of it is I just like I get overwhelmed. And so then I just let it pile on and whatever. I'm not going to dive into, you know, everything that's wrong with me. But anyway, I just wanted to come on and tell you guys, thank you for a great season. And I'm gonna sign off for the next little while for November and December. And the holidays are just crazy. And I really want to just like, slow down a little bit and enjoy them and not feel like, I don't know. And also with this podcast, I don't ever want it to feel like it's something that I don't want to do.

3:52Like I want to be excited to do it. And lately, I've been feeling like I'm dragging my feet and like don't want to do it. And so I'm not I'm not cool with that. Last thing that I wanted wanted to say, this is a little bit of tea for you guys. I'm a little bit humbled. I come before you humbled with the tick tock incident that happened. So I posted this tick tock. This I'll sign off with this story. Okay. But I got to give you guys something to listen to. So I'll tell you about the story. Yeah, I posted this tick tock where I was recording my husband laughing, but like I thought he was crying at first.

4:25and when you just look at the video without any context it looks like I go up to him thinking that he's sobbing and I ask him why he's crying and then then I find out he's laughing and I also wrote on there I was like when I think my husband or I my heart dropped or something like that because I thought someone died but my husband was actually just laughing and that wasn't the whole story but that is what I posted and so people like latched on to this story and like it it got like half a million views really pretty quickly and there were so many comments just like dragging me through the mud being like I can't believe you would go up to someone like why would you why would you go up to your husband if you thought he was sobbing and record him like that's so disgusting why would you do that and like I had people messaging me this is this is when it hit um when it was when it was too far and I had to disable the comments was somebody messaged me personally and told me this trigger warning they told me that my husband should take me out back and put me down like a dog that's it was ridiculous because it was just a video and in my mind this is what actually happened what actually happened was I was sitting in a different room than my husband and he was doing the dishes and I hear him start making these freaking weird noises so I stand up and I look over at him and when I first saw him my heart dropped because I thought he was sobbing and so I walked closer to him and then I realized that he was laughing and then I pulled out my phone because I thought it would be funny because he only laughs like this like once in a in a blue moon like it's very rare that he laughed like that and so I got closer to him and then I was recording now I was recording now but as I got closer to him again he kind of put his head down on the counter and started shaking and so I was like wait oh my gosh are you crying and I caught that on video but I started recording thinking he was laughing anyway so then I I asked him in the video are you wait are you are you crying or are you laughing and then he falls on the floor laughing he's like I'm laughing and then I'm still like kind of shocked at what he's why he's reacting this way so I'm like what are you laughing at and he points to his phone and he's watching this to me it looked like just someone playing a video game so I'm like a video game you're laughing at a video game and people in the comments of this video were like the way you just dismiss what he's laughing at is very concerning and I'm like yeah I guess I could see that but you also like don't know us in our relationship and like it was funny to both of us and I don't know I just you know it actually it messed with my head a little bit all these comments there were thousands actually no not thousands of comments there were there were like 800 maybe comments at the end but there were thousands of people who were liking the comments that were like you're a terrible person for recording your husband or you are or just like making these crazy assumptions or like telling me telling Robbie that he should divorce me and leave me and that I'm I'm emotionally manipulative and like all these things and it actually was like messing with my mind and I'm like oh my gosh I can't if I can't even handle these things that aren't even true, like I know that they're not true because I was there, then like, I don't know, it did make me think about the podcast.

7:39And I'm like, what if like someone says something bad about the podcast? And I don't just got me really in my head. And I did end up I didn't delete the video. I just made it private for me because it's still funny. And I still like it. But yeah, I don't know. I don't know if I dare post it anywhere else. Because I get it. I do get it. I made this reply video and I kind of was like, are you guys okay? Like freaking calm down. And then someone's like, well, you posted this video. And like, and I'm like, okay, yeah, you're right. I did post the video without context. I understand what they're saying.

8:10It does look like I went up to him recording him sobbing and like, who would do that? That's crazy. But that is not what happened. So anyway, um, yeah, I, that's that video of mine, that video had like 30 ,000 likes. and when you think of I don't know that's not like crazy there's videos that have millions and millions of likes but when you think about 30 ,000 people that's like a stadium full of people and that many well I don't even know actually how many how many people are in a stadium but that's a lot of people if you're just like to stand up and think of you like talking to a room full of 30 ,000 people that's a lot of freaking people and a lot of people who are gonna have a perception on you and an opinion on you and you can't go through and like tell every single person exactly what happened and like have them think this way about you I don't it really it really messed with my mind a little bit so yeah but I mean that was not the reason I was thinking about that's not the reason I'm like okay I'm gonna take a break from the podcast because I posted a take note that these are completely unrelated but it was just kind of this weird experience because I'd never really had anybody like rip into me like that especially on the internet with total strangers So that was a really weird experience for sure.

9:22But yeah, anyway, I do love doing this. I love podcasting. It's fun to talk and it's fun to talk. It's fun to interact with you guys and the people who listen. And I do plan on coming back. I do need your guys' help though. I want to grow the podcast a little bit more. I do have like a very devoted little fan base and I love you guys so much. You're always showing up and always like interacting with me on Instagram and all that. And I just want I want more. I want I want to I want to spread the community. I want to I want. OK, this makes me sound really selfish, but you know what I'm saying is like I want it to I want to grow it so that we have more of a community of people.

10:07And so I need you guys to tell your friends when when we come back, when we when I come back in January. Yeah, tell your friends about the podcast, post it on your stories. And yeah, I will very, very much greatly appreciate. There's only so much self-promotion I can do before I start feeling like, okay, nobody actually likes me. Okay, hold on. That was very pick me. You know what I'm saying? There's only so much self-promotion I can do before people are sick of it. Okay, before people are like, okay, we know you have a podcast. I don't want listen to it. So the way I can reach new people is by you guys telling your friends because like, I don't know your friends, but you know your friends.

10:49You see what I'm saying? All right. Anyway, that's it. That's all I have for you guys today. I'm sorry. This is a short episode. And I really am sorry that this is coming so out of the blue. It's not something that I was really wanting to do. So I've been kind of putting it off, but I also don't want to half-ass this at all. And it's getting to the point where I feel like I'm going to have to start half-assing it because my heart's just like not in it right now and I need a little bit of a break. So yeah, anyway, I've said that a hundred thousand different times and I love you guys, but I will see you in January.

11:24Bye.