In short
Spooky-season discussion of “lies we’ve told,” focusing on small everyday deceptions, the adrenaline of lying, and the mortification of getting caught. The host also shares personal updates about renovating (a dollhouse project, moving her daughter to her own room, buying a solid-wood dresser) and a brief rant about discouragement when episodes don’t perform.
Guest backgrounds
No named guests; the episode is a compilation of listener-submitted confessions read by the host.
Key claims
Lying often starts small (“almost ready,” “I forgot the present,” “Wi-Fi issues”), then snowballs when questioned. Parents usually know, and people sometimes lie to avoid embarrassment, skip obligations, or maintain social image.
Notable examples
claiming a “chronic migraine”/period mental health day; faking a dying grandma to get a makeup exam; lying about Zoom camera “Wi-Fi” to eat cereal; pretending a Star Wars boyfriend exists (Brazil letters); buying green jello salad and calling it “from scratch”; stealing $20 and blaming a brother; telling a sister “taste buds fall off” if she brushes her tongue; dad telling kids people speak “Wyomingese” while actually encountering Chinese speakers.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOThe Theme of Telling Lies
0:45 to 2:52
Discussion about the spookiness of lying and personal anecdotes.
“So it's like reading my diary, but reading your sister's diary, we spill tea, we talk about all the kinds of things that you would probably read from your sister's diary.”
Recent Life Updates
2:52 to 6:09
Host shares personal updates about helping family and home projects.
“If you got caught in it, that's the worst feeling in the world is getting caught in a lie.”
New Projects: Dollhouse and Room Moves
6:09 to 9:54
Host discusses her ongoing projects including a dollhouse renovation and room rearrangement for her kids.
“But anyway, yeah, so I am back from my weekend getaways.”
The Struggles of Moving Heavy Furniture
9:54 to 12:53
Host recounts a challenging experience moving a dresser and the mishaps that occurred.
“But I was like, I think it might fit my car.”
Reflections on Video Content Creation
12:53 to 14:00
Discussion about the challenges and thoughts on creating video content for the podcast.
“I got her some cute, like, vintage pictures, I guess, from the DI, and I got a shelf from my mom's house, and yeah, it's gonna be really cute, and I'll post pictures when it's all the way done.”
Struggles with Video Content
14:00 to 14:50
The host shares frustrations about creating video content and audience engagement.
“honestly got so sick of editing them for like little return.”
Halloween Costume Dilemmas
14:50 to 16:00
Discussion about the challenges and costs of Halloween costumes for kids.
“I don't really have anything crazy to talk about with that though.”
Teen Lies and Mental Health
16:00 to 18:14
Sharing personal anecdotes about teenage lies and mental health considerations.
“I used to try to get, I used to try to be sick to get out of things all the time.”
College Class Experiences
18:14 to 20:58
The host recounts challenging experiences with college music classes and the need for creative excuses.
“And I think, Like, like, I hope to be the kind of mom that does that for both my, my, I was gonna say girls.”
Exaggerated Tales and Cooking Lies
20:58 to 23:24
Recounting humorous lies about cooking and the concept of homemade food.
“If they need something, they tell them that I'm in the hospital.”
Show all 19 chapters
Zoom Class Struggles
23:24 to 26:15
Exploration of difficulties faced in online classes and the pressure of video participation.
“Okay, next one says, I told my friend, quote, I never saw her text about dinner plans.”
Imaginative Stories from Youth
26:15 to 28:00
Sharing amusing stories about fabricating relationships and experiences as a child.
“And so, like, they obviously want kids to do well.”
Sibling Lies and Guilt
28:00 to 30:20
Exploring childhood lies among siblings and the guilt associated with them.
“I can't remember if I even said anything, but, like, I know I remember that she did, and I was just like, yeah, that totally happened 100%, and, like, looking back, they totally knew we were lying.”
Faking Interests: The Star Wars Dilemma
30:20 to 32:50
Sharing humorous anecdotes about pretending to like popular films.
“And I don't remember how we found out, but we did.”
Smutty Reads and Book Club Lies
32:50 to 35:50
Discussing the embarrassment of reading and discussing explicit literature.
“Okay, next one says, I'm an avid reader and have to pretend that I'm super into normal books like Colleen Hoover and Taylor Jenkins read.”
Childhood Embarrassments and Creative Lies
35:50 to 38:20
Recounting amusing childhood incidents and the creativity behind lies.
“Okay, next one says, I told everyone growing up my dad coach Serena Williams, but honestly, I thought he did because he's a tennis coach.”
Family Stories That Make You Laugh
38:20 to 42:00
Celebrating funny family anecdotes and the joy of shared laughter.
“But also, you should probably stop picking your nose.”
Childhood Lies and Memories
42:00 to 43:48
Discover how playful lies from parents can shape childhood experiences and memories.
“My dad was notorious for telling us kids lies or stories we'd like to call them.”
The Nature of Little Lies
43:48 to 44:11
Explore the difference between harmless little lies and serious dishonesty in relationships.
“not humongous lies that are like, you know, life changing or like, like, um, I don't know the word I'm looking for.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:14Sam Wood:Hello everybody, welcome back to my sister's diary. I'm your host Sam and I hope everyone's having a great week. I am trying to remember what I wrote down as my little entry thing and I am I'm totally spacing it. But basically, if you're new here, this is a podcast where it'll feel like you're reading your sister's diary. This is essentially like my diary. And you know, I'm like your parasocial sister, although I'm not famous, so I can't really be parasocial, but you understand what I'm saying. So it's like reading my diary, but reading your sister's diary, we spill tea, we talk about all the kinds of things that you would probably read from your sister's diary.
0:55Sam Wood:So that's what we have today. Actually, no, I didn't even tell you what we have today. Sorry, my mind is like jumbled because I have had so much going on lately. And it's not like a lot of stuff that I can share, I guess, to you guys because it's like not my business to share, I guess. So I won't really dive into exactly what I've been doing. I know that's annoying. I'm like, I'm so busy, but like, I'm not gonna tell you guys why. But anyway, I've just been I've been helping my parents with some things. And I've been I started this huge project at my house. I started two projects at my house and I'll get into those later.
1:36Sam Wood:But back to what I was saying. Today's episode. It is spooky season, as you guys know. And last week, I did a little throwback to Call Your Sisters. And we talked about spooky stories. And that is one of my favorite episodes. And if you guys haven't listened to that, please go back and give it a listen. It's one of my very favorites. And this week, we are still sticking to the theme of spooky. But you want to know what is one of the spookiest things of all time? Telling a lie. Telling a lie is spooky because let me tell you, you know, like the adrenaline that you feel when you tell a lie, and you're like, I have to get away with this.
2:14Sam Wood:So I need it to be good. Or I don't know if this happens to you guys, but like it happens to me sometimes where I'll be telling, I'll be saying something and then I'm like, I start lying. And then I'm like, why did I just say that? Because that's not even true. And then someone kind of questions you on it and you have to just like dig yourself further and further and further into the lie. That happens to me sometimes. And it's over the stupidest stuff. It's literally not even important. And I can't even remember an example right now because it's the most trivial surface level crap that I'm like, yeah, I've totally done that before or this happened to me once.
2:44Sam Wood:So that's what we're talking about today. I asked you guys what your biggest lies you've ever told were. Not even necessarily biggest, but just like lies that you've told and bonus points. If you got caught in it, that's the worst feeling in the world is getting caught in a lie. And I'm trying to think of a time, the only time I can think of off the top of my head because it was so mortifying is when I lied to my best friend and told her I had have I told the story on this podcast before I am not sure but basically I told my best friend that and it was when we first like kind of hanging out like okay so we know each other from when we were kids and then as adults we kind of reconnected and it was like when we were first hanging out again and I texted well I texted my husband and told him hey I forgot to get her a Christmas present.
3:34Will you stop by and get something or whatever? And then she came to my house for a play date and I told her like, oh yeah, I got your Christmas present. I just like left it in my husband's car. And I like spun this entire web of lies. And then I look at my phone. I'm like,
3:49Sam Wood:why hasn't Robbie texted me back? And it's because I had texted her and told her that I forgot to get her a Christmas present after I had already lied. But I called myself out. That's the only way you can get through these things sometimes, is I told her just straight up. I was like, okay, so I sent you that text, and I'm sorry. I'm a big fat liar. And I actually felt really bad because, like, her friendship was really important to me. And it obviously still is because we're, like, what, five years later now? But so she forgave me. Anyway, I don't know if I've told that story before. I know for a fact I've told it on Call Your Sisters.
4:26Sam Wood:So if you're rolling over from that to here, then you're welcome. You just heard that story one more time. So let's, let's, um, first, before we tell the biggest lies you guys have ever told, let's get into a little bit of my diary. So I told you guys that I was really busy and like I said, I'm not going to like dive into the nitty gritty of what I've been doing because it's not my business to tell, but I've been, not like anything crazy or anything. I just don't like to, you know, tell everybody else's business. But I went down to my parents' house a couple times and just helped them with some, like, renovations or whatever that they're doing on their house.
5:07Sam Wood:And they live, like, four hours away. So, it's an eight-hour drive total there and back, like, four hours there, four hours back. So, it takes up a lot of time, not only driving, but, like, then I'm gone for the entire weekend. and when I get back, I'm tired and I also have three kids and they're in school and I know people are like, well, everybody has stuff going on. I know. I know. And, you know, I just sometimes get burned out a little bit with, I don't want to say the podcast necessarily, but sometimes. Sometimes it's hard to like keep the creative juices flowing and like, I don't know. It's very like, you know, when you're doing something like you like to have, I don't know, like reward, I guess.
5:54Sam Wood:And sometimes the podcast, it's hard to see. Like if you have an episode that doesn't do as well, it's easy to get discouraged. And so sometimes that happens to me. And then I'm like, well, why do I even do this now? And I throw myself a huge pity party. And I feel like I've been wallowing in that a little bit too much lately. So that was kind of a tangent. I don't know why I went on that. But anyway, yeah, so I am back from my weekend getaways. I went to St. George. I went down to my parents' house twice. And now I'm back. And I decided to, on Facebook Marketplace, actually, I didn't even really think about this before.
6:29Sam Wood:I was just scrolling Facebook Marketplace like, you know, us old people do. And I found this gigantic. Well, actually, I didn't know it was gigantic. I found this dollhouse. And I knew it was big because she said in the description that it was big and it looked like the person had kind of started, you know, like redoing it or whatever, making it cute. And I was, it was only 20 bucks. So I was like, that would be super fun to do for my daughter for Christmas. So I told her I wanted it. I cleaned out the backseat of my car. And then when I got there, the thing was massive. It's almost as tall as me, which isn't saying like much, but I'm 5 '3", 5 '4", ish.
7:09Sam Wood:And it's almost as tall as me. It's massive. And it's really wide. And maybe not wide. Yeah, wide. Not like depth, but like width. You know what I'm saying? And I couldn't fit it in the back of my car. So the lady's husband helped me. Well, not helped me. He did all of it. But he took off like a little side piece of it. And then we were able to kind of get it in the car. They had to see my really messy, dirty car, which was kind of embarrassing. but also I don't know them so whatever but yeah I got it home and I disassembled it actually we put it in our camper first and then I disassembled it and well actually I got it out of the camper which was not easy because it was kind of hard for me and my husband to get in there but I have this thing about me where I don't wait for my husband to help me I will just do it however whatever it takes even if it hurts me even if I get a concussion in the process I don't care I'm not waiting for him to get home.
8:06Sam Wood:If I want to do something, I'm just going to do it. So that's what I did. I got it out of the camper. I brought it inside. I disassembled the whole thing. And then I started working on the roof part. And I'm going to make it. I'm going to make a TikTok. I'm probably a real showing you guys kind of the process of that. And I have like a little mood board for what I want it to all look like. And I'm excited. But oh my gosh, it's going to be a lot more work than I originally thought it was going to be, which is fine. I like a project. But the other project I decided to take on is, and this one is kind of slow going, like I've been slowly working on it, but my kids share a room currently, my two oldest, and one of them's seven, and he's a boy, and one of them's five, and she's a girl, and I feel like they're kind of getting a little too old maybe to be sharing a room, and they've both like expressed interest in having their own rooms, and we have the room available to do that, so I've been working on moving my daughter over to her own room.
9:02And one thing I was, it used to be our guest room.
9:06Sam Wood:So she's going to move over to like a queen size bed. And then when guests are here, the bunk beds are in the other room that they're currently in. So she'll just go sleep on the bunk beds. But anyway, you don't care about that little part. But just so you know, that's what my plan is. Anyway, there was no dresser in that room. So I took myself down to the good old Deseret Industries. And I have been scouring Facebook Marketplace for a dresser and really haven't had any luck. I don't want to spend very much money. My budget was like 50 bucks max, but I also didn't want some dingy, crappy piece of, you know, MDF garbage.
9:43Sam Wood:I wanted like solid wood. Like I really appreciate just some solid pieces of furniture. I'm not a huge fan of like, I don't know. I have Ikea pieces for sure, but I just like a good just solid piece of furniture so I get to the di there's one dresser there there's one dresser and it's it's pretty big it has five drawers it stands up tall and it's solid wood I think like the top has a veneer but other than that like the drawers are solid everything's solid and it's pretty dang heavy but I I told him I wanted it I wasn't sure if it would fit in the back of my car so he wrote me like a sold ticket and I went and paid for it and I just had to show them receipt.
10:24Sam Wood:But I was like, I think it might fit my car. So let me go around back. If it doesn't fit, I'll have my husband come back and get it. So this kid comes out. I felt so bad because he's like, this is my first date. I don't really know what I'm doing. And I was like, okay, well, could you go get someone who knows? He goes and asks somebody. And then he doesn't bring anybody else out with him. He just like wheels out with the dresser on a dolly. And he's like, I had my trunk open and he's like um I don't I don't really know like he was trying to tell me like he didn't know how to lift it up and I was like okay well if you can just grab that side then I can grab this I'm like I'm I'm decently strong like I could probably do this for sure I could probably do it by myself if I really wanted to but like he's standing there and I feel like that would be weird for me to be like get out of the way I'm doing this on my own anyway so then he's like hold on one sec so he goes and gets this other kid and this kid had chocolate all over his face like like on spongebob when patrick eats the chocolate bar and he's like who ate my chocolate bar and he has chocolate all over his mouth that's what this kid looks like i felt kind of bad but he was like yeah so i don't really know how to help you guys and i was like then why did you come out here why did you come out anyway i have these two kids i think they're both like teenagers or just like really young adults.
11:41Sam Wood:And we eventually get it in the car and it's like just barely, barely too long. Like it's just barely too long. My trunk won't shut all the way, but I'm like, you know what? We got it in here. I told them, I told a lie. Okay. I will admit. I was like, I just live two blocks away. Like I'll be fine. I'll just like tie it closed. I had a, I didn't have a ratchet strap in my car, but I had a tow rope and I was like I just wrapped it around the back of the trunk and like hooked it to some hooks we had on the inside and it was it was secure like that it was not going to come up by any means and they were like really skeptical to let me leave they're like I don't know about this and I was like well I'm gonna leave and I just kind of hopped in my car and went and yeah I had to go really freaking slow because I was worried a little bit obviously I didn't have a ratchet strap so it wasn't like super secure but I went slow I took the back roads I made it home and I decided I was going to move this heavy a dresser all the way downstairs to my basement all by myself and yeah I did that I got many many bruises and I damaged the wall downstairs in our basement our very we we just redid the texture in our entire basement and I dinged the crap out of it and don't worry I fixed it well not yet I remutted it and I need to um repaint it but anyway that was that was the whole thing that I did and I'm really proud of myself you know for taking that dresser all the way downstairs getting it from the DI all by myself it was only I think 40 bucks which was a really good deal and my daughter's room is almost done I got her a cute bedspread.
13:25Sam Wood:I got her some cute, like, vintage pictures, I guess, from the DI, and I got a shelf from my mom's house, and yeah, it's gonna be really cute, and I'll post pictures when it's all the way done. I wish I was completely made of money, because then I would do whatever I dreamed of doing in there, but, like, I'm on a little bit of a budget, so it's not, like, the room of my dreams at the end of this, but I still think it will be cute. All right, what else did I have to tell you guys? I feel like I've been rambling a lot. Let's see. Oh, I've been trying to decide if I should, I've kind of taken a break from video recording myself during these episodes because I honestly got so sick of editing them for like little return.
14:08Sam Wood:I feel like they didn't get very many views. And I don't know, I almost felt like it was annoying people, which I know is just my my anxiety talking maybe maybe it's maybe you guys are annoyed but I don't know tell me if you guys think if you like the video or if you don't like the video if you think it's fun sometimes sometimes not I don't know I know everybody's saying like that's how you get seen these days but I don't know if I have it in me to put an effort to do that every single time but maybe I'll do it every once in a while I just haven't been very good at that and I don't even know if you guys give a crap about watching the video or if you just want to see other things from me on Instagram and TikTok.
14:47Sam Wood:Okay, let's see. I was going to talk about Halloween costumes. I don't really have anything crazy to talk about with that though. I found a costume at the DI for my daughter for two bucks and it was like a full almost brand new little candy princess costume. So, I'm pretty jazzed about that because oh my gosh, Halloween costumes are so expensive for the most cheaply made piece of garbage honestly like you wear it one time it is the most thin poorly made thing and it costs 50 are you kidding no i don't want to i am not about that and i'm really getting sick of it but like i can't tell my kids they can't be something you know like i don't want to be that mom who's like no you can't be this you have to only wear homemade stuff which okay I'm not dogging on homemade Halloween costumes.
15:37Sam Wood:My mom made so many of my Halloween costumes growing up and I loved every single one of them, truly. She made me this Hershey Kiss costume one year and it was the best thing that I've ever worn in my life. But if I were to make my kids Halloween costumes, they would not turn out cute. They would look homemade. So I'd rather buy them if I can. all right um let's let's go let's move on let's go to your guys's lies the biggest lies that you have ever told or just lies i guess i i didn't specify that they had to be the biggest ones you've ever told and let's hold on i'm trying to pull it up of course every time i try to do something on my phone while i'm recording it takes 10 000 years okay let's start with this one it says lied through my middle middle slash high school telling my parents I had a quote migraine but I actually was just on my period or needed a mental health day she started to believe that I had a chronic migraine issue I mean maybe I did and it was just all the annoying people at the school yeah I mean if you actually did have a headache then like valid right but also at the same time um when you when you tell your parents that you're sick constantly they will stop believing you.
16:57Sam Wood:I know from experience. I used to try to get, I used to try to be sick to get out of things all the time. And it got to a point where my mom was like, I don't believe you. I simply do not believe you. And then there were times when I actually was sick and she didn't believe me because, you know, unless I was like throwing up, then she's just like, go to school. You're fine. Also, I think it's, I think it's fine that you, like if, if you're on your period and, or you're having a bad mental health day, especially during the teenage years, I don't think people understand that like PMS is more than just like being moody.
17:31Like sometimes it can be like, like major, like the
17:35Sam Wood:mood swings are hard to deal with. I know it's like an outsider. Boys are like, oh my gosh, my girlfriend's on her period. Whatever. They don't understand. First of all, it's not when you're on your period. It's before your period is premenstrual syndrome, whatever. Is that what it's called. That sounds like a disease. Anyway, premenstrual, that has to be it because it can't be premenstrual cycle because it's an SPMS. Anyway, it's hard to deal with, okay? It's a lot of up and down. Sometimes people, like for me, I used to feel really, really depressed right before my period and it got worse as it got older.
18:08Sam Wood:And yeah, sometimes I think people just need a mental health day when they're on their period and I think that's totally fine. And I think, Like, like, I hope to be the kind of mom that does that for both my, my, I was gonna say girls. I only have one girl. For both my daughter and my sons, like, if I'm noticing that they just need a day, they just need a break to, like, let them have that, you know? Obviously not all the time, but, like, I think that's a good parenting practice. Okay, next one says, I hated my music class in college and skipped it almost every day. My professor was a grade A biatch.
18:40Sam Wood:I love when you guys say biatch. she told me when she told me she would fail me so i told her that my grandma was in the hospital and dying she felt bad and let me take an exam i missed and write a big paper to make up enough of my grade to pass was my grandma in the hospital and dying no do i feel bad not at all i hated that lady you know i also took a music class in college and that lady she was she was fine she wasn't like a biatch by any means well maybe so i know some people in in my class did not like her in fact one time we were we're doing a group project and one of the girls in my in my uh in my maybe maybe this is you maybe you're the one listening to this but anyway one of the girls was like bad talking her not like insane but like definitely you know not something you'd want to walk in on and she walks up behind her and I was like trying to make big eyes at her and be like stop talking stop talking stop talking without like making it obvious and yeah she walks up behind her and she says something, she like calls out something she said like, oh yeah, that lady is really mean and I hate her or something dumb like that.
19:44Anyway, that's who my music teacher was. And you guys went with the worst, worst, worst part of taking a music class. I was in elementary education. So the music class was like basically how to teach music to kids. And I had to, so much of elementary education is like you pretending to be a little kid while other people pretend to teach you. And it's really embarrassing and takes a lot of your dignity away. And in this class, I had to, I had to play the ukulele in a little like eight by eight office in front of this lady, just me and her. I had to play the ukulele and sing a song to her for one of my exams.
20:23And that was mortifying. Absolutely mortifying. I also had to play a song on the recorder for her and she was like dead serious, dead serious, like so dead serious about the recorder, like, she's like, I'm a professional. Like, I have professionally recorded songs on the recorder. And I'm like, good for you, lady. But, like, I don't care. I don't, I'm not taking the recorder that seriously. But you know what? Now I'm actually pretty dang good at the recorder. So, anyway, yeah, you go ahead and tell that lie. You tell, you use, I hope when my kids are, have, like, when I have grandkids or, you know, hopefully someday if I have grandkids, that they tell everybody they know.
20:59If they need something, they tell them that I'm in the hospital. for 100 % if they want to call me I'll I'll pretend to put I'll put a fake cannula on and pretend like I'm dying in the hospital for sure I will totally help them with that so you know whatever you need to do to get yourself through college do it okay next one says I'm on my way or I'm almost ready are two of the biggest lies I tell almost every day laughy face yeah um I definitely say I'm
21:31Sam Wood:almost ready. I never say I'm on my way unless I'm actually on my way because to me that's like and not to like call you out and call you rude by any means but like I like to know when people are are gonna get to my house so someone texts me they're like I'm on my way and then they don't and I know it takes like 20 minutes from their house to mine or like an hour or whatever and then they're here like three hours later and I'm like you said you were on your way and I've been waiting around for you like I don't want to be that person to the other person and maybe when you say this, it's not that serious, you know what I mean?
22:02But I don't, I don't feel like I do that, but I definitely tell my husband, I'm almost ready, or I'm almost done. I tell my kids, I'm almost done all the time.
22:12Sam Wood:And I'm really not almost done, which I should stop doing, because I can only imagine how, how annoying that would be if my mom was always telling me, don't worry, I'm almost done, I'll come play with you. And then I, she's never done. That'd be really annoying. So yeah, I definitely feel you. I think, I think all of us do this in some one way or another. Okay. Next one says, I once told my release society, I made a green jello salad from scratch for the ward potluck. Truth is I bought it from Smith's dumped it into my own glass bowl and added a few extra marshmallows to make it look homemade.
22:43Sorry. I paused.
22:45Sam Wood:The homemade was in quotes. Everyone raved about how it tasted just like the grandma's. And I just smiled like a domestic goddess. You are a domestic goddess because not only did you think to do this, but you added extra marshmallows. So in my book, that is homemade. If you added something extra to something you bought from the store, that's literally a recipe, right? Like if you buy chocolate chips and you add, you know, salt and sugar and baking soda and flour, then you just made cookies. And those are things you bought from the store. So if you buy a gel salad from store and you had marshmallows, that's a homemade jello salad, marshmallow salad, you know?
23:24So you didn't even lie at all. Okay, next one says, I told my friend, quote, I never saw her text about dinner plans. She sent it to the group chat and I had responded with a heart emoji an hour after she sent it. She called me out on it.
23:38Sam Wood:Nothing sucks more than being called out on a lie. Especially like if you lied and then like that hurts somebody's feelings and then they call you out on it and they're like, you actually hurt my feelings. And you're like, I'm so sorry. But like, you're sorry probably falls totally flat to them because you're like, no, you're not. You're only sorry that you got caught. Like, you're not sorry that you did it. You're only sorry that I called you out. And you're like, yeah, you're right. I wouldn't have regretted it if you didn't call me out on it. Let's be honest. So I don't know. It's also good practice to tell people I'm saying this, but like, I don't think I've ever literally told anybody like, hey, I actually don't want to come.
24:16Sam Wood:but like we should be able to do that and have people not be mad at us for it you know like we should be able to every once in a while be like yeah that um sounds fun but like I really need a night in by myself and let's do it at a different time you know whatever so yeah that does suck to be called out for sure definitely one of the most scary spooky feelings ever okay next one says I I told my professor I couldn't turn on my camera for Zoom class because of Wi-Fi issues. I just didn't want them to see me eating cereal straight out of the box in a blanket burrito. You know, this whole thing with classes being on Zoom just has me, like, pissed off for you guys.
24:58Because I did college before COVID, you know, when COVID changed everything and made everything online. And I never once had to take, uh, well, no. I did have to take I took online classes but like we didn't have face-to-face zoom
25:12Sam Wood:classes it was like modules that we had to go through and like she had recorded herself you know what I'm saying but like the whole zoom classes thing is just and I know it makes education more accessible to people in different areas who can't like travel to where colleges I don't know you know and I know there's good things about it but at the same time I can't like like the idea of paying thousands of dollars to take a course for it to be taught to me over a camera is a little much. Okay. It should be a discount. If you're doing a class on zoom, it should 100 % be discount. And they shouldn't have to see me.
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25:45They shouldn't have to see me. I don't understand whether like in order to get participation points for the class today, I have to be able to see what you're doing. And I'm like, okay, if you see me, what, what difference if I'm, if I'm there, like if I'm logged in, then I'm there, right?
26:00Sam Wood:And you seeing me isn't going to make me pay attention. Like, okay, here's the thing. If I'm not paying attention, that's on me. Like, if I'm not paying attention and I get a horrible grade, that's on me, okay? And I know some professors, they get feedback based on how their class does. And so, like, they obviously want kids to do well. Or not feedback. They get, like, not like a pay grade. Anyway, they want their class to do well because then it reflects on them well and if they're classed as poorly then that like reflects their teaching so of course they want you to pay attention but like quit bugging me about turning my camera on okay not that that has literally ever happened to me but I know it happens to you guys and I'm in your corner 100 okay next one says in college all my roommates were writing were dating someone or writing a missionary and I was not so I made one up I said my quote boyfriend was serving in brazil and that he wrote me every week every sunday i'd fake read a letter out loud in my dorm like he said the food there is good and he's really growing spiritually i cannot with this then a few months later i told everyone he'd broken up with me because he was focusing on the work work everyone brought me brownies and other sympathy gifts i got the attention i wanted but also had to fake break up with an imaginary man and keep up the lie oh my gosh I'm just picturing you being like just like preparing your fake letter beforehand being like oh and I just miss your beautiful face every single day I it's incredibly hard without you here by my side and I'm all for this if you want to lie okay actually I did this once to to a point when I was I played for this soccer team one time and we went to um Arizona yeah I think Arizona and it was me and one of my best friends from high school were on the team together and everybody was going around telling like their first kiss or like losing their virginity stories and like here my best friend and I are sitting there never having kissed a boy in our entire lives and so beforehand I don't know if it was beforehand or like quietly to each other while we were you know sitting there listening to these stories we were like we're gonna lie and like you cannot call me out on it we're like yeah totally we won't we won't we won't call you out on that and I don't I don't remember what I said, honestly.
28:16I don't remember what I said. I can't remember if I even
28:17Sam Wood:said anything, but, like, I know I remember that she did, and I was just like, yeah, that totally happened 100%, and, like, looking back, they totally knew we were lying. They absolutely knew, and they thought we were major losers, and you know what? I probably was, so it's fine. I will get over it eventually, but, yeah, also, you saying that you got the attention you wanted is just queen behavior. I'm not gonna lie. It's iconic, truly, and I think this was a great idea, and I support you in your fake boyfriend. Okay, next one says, when I was like 12, I stole$20 from my mom's purse because I wanted to go to the movies with my friends.
28:57She noticed, and of course, I immediately blamed my brother. I couldn't come clean. I could have come clean, but I didn't. I watched him deny it for days while I sat there acting all self-righteous, like, wow, just tell the truth. He got grounded for a week. I bought popcorn and sour patch kids to this day I still feel a little guilty when I see a$20 bill this is like you know this is just classic sibling behavior like if you didn't blame
29:22Sam Wood:something you did on your siblings at least once then you don't really love your siblings like it's also the same idea of like people who are nice to their siblings I'm like do you guys love each other because why are you being nice it's weird you know I'm nice to my siblings to an extent, like I'll hype them up and support them through life. But like, I will also tell them that they're ugly and that I hate them. Obviously kidding, but you know what I mean? Like if you're nice to your siblings and you never like tease them or make jokes, why? Why are you, why do you actually love each other? That's what I really want to know.
29:55Sam Wood:Do you actually love each other if you're not a little bit mean to each other? I don't know. I don't know if I would believe it. Let's see. What else was I going to say? Oh, this reminds me of one time my little sister Kate she's been on the podcast before we did call your sisters she got gum in her hair and my we had like this full-on interrogation like my mom was sitting in the kitchen holding her hair with the gum in it and like whoever was being interrogated at the moment was sitting on a stool and she was just like grilling us like tell me if you did it tell me if you did it no I didn't do it anyway this goes on for like days it was a long time and then come to find out she put the gum in her own hair.
30:32Sam Wood:She put the gum in her own hair. And I don't remember how we found out, but we did. And obviously we still talk about it. So yeah. Anyway, Kate, you're a liar. Okay. Next one says, there was this guy I really liked who was obsessed with Star Wars. I told him I was too. When he asked my favorite movie, I panicked and said, oh, I love the third one. He said, which trilogy? I had no idea there were trilogies. He invited me over to watch the empire strikes back and I spent the entire movie pretending to know what was happening I kept saying things like that's the guy from the space thing and love the symbolism when you said can you believe that plot twist I nodded like totally saw it coming um I'm also a little bit guilty of this my husband and his family like love star wars not like too like they don't talk about it all the time but like they definitely love it and I was like yeah I also love it for sure.
31:23Sam Wood:Like, I'd seen the Star Wars movies, but, like, if you asked me to explain the plot to you, I would be like, Darth Vader was Luke's father, and that's literally all I know about it. And to me, like, is there really any other plot? Like, isn't that just, like, the whole thing? Right? Anyway, yeah, I've definitely pretended to understand what's going on during Star Wars and absolutely not even known what's going on. Also, when, like, the most recent new one came out, we went to it as a family and I fell asleep in the movie theater and I had to pretend like I didn't because I didn't want people to think I was ungrateful because they paid for me to go.
32:01Anyway, yeah, um, if, when I was reading this and you're like, which trilogy? And you said, I had no idea there were trilogies. I had to think about it for a while. I'm like, what do you mean there's trilogies? Like there's more than one. And then I realized it's like, like the original ones from like 1970 or whatever. And then there's like the 2000s, early 2000s ones and then there's like the newer new ones with like Kylo Ren. I think that's another trilogy, right? So like there's three different ones. Also, if you ask me to tell you where the Empire Strikes Back falls in there, I have no idea.
32:31I swear all of them have the word clone or Jedi or Empire in the title. And like how can we have the same title of eight different movies? I don't know. But yeah, so I also support the girlies for lying to their boyfriends. I'm totally fine with that. Okay, next one says, I'm an avid reader and have to pretend that I'm super into normal books like Colleen Hoover and Taylor Jenkins read. In reality, my Kindle looks like it should have a privacy screen. That should be a thing if it's not. Whenever someone asks me what I'm reading, I just say something vague like, oh, it's a historical romance about resilience.
33:07Technically not wrong if resilience means the heroine handles 12 chapters of spicy drama without needing therapy. I even joined a book club once and had to make up fake moral takeaways for a book that was basically 400 pages of smut and shirtless farmers. You know, I think that there's
33:25Sam Wood:a lot more smut girlies out there than the girlies are willing to admit, okay? I think there's quite a few of you. I have dabbled into some smut and I will tell you guys, sometimes it gets a little too crazy for me. Like, it gets a little too crazy. Like, it gets to the point where I'm like cringing where where I'm listening and I'm like I'm literally making like a grossed out face as I'm listening and I'm like I this is too much this is too much for me I can't handle it but if that's what you like I'm not gonna yuck your yum for sure do whatever you want that's that's your prerogative I don't really care what you listen to and okay when you say normal things like Colleen Hoover are we gonna pretend like her books are normal because have you guys read Verity and have you read the bonus chapters of Verity?
34:15Those are freaking messed up.
34:17Sam Wood:Those chapters, I wish never existed. I wish I'd never read them because they kind of ruined it. Not that Verity was like, okay, Verity was one of the weirdest books I had read in quite some time. Not weirdest, but like most disturbing probably. And I ate it up though. I read the whole thing in one night. I won't even lie to you. And I do like Colleen Hoover in some ways, but also her books aren't like gold star. So I guess, I guess you could say like into normal books. When I first started reading kind of like some more smut, I thought Colleen Hoover was like, like dirty. Like I thought it was like basically porn that I was reading.
34:55And then I was recommended a few other books and I was like, oh my gosh, Colleen Hoover is like very vanilla compared to all of this. and I'm a little scared. I'm a little bit scared. So yeah, anyway, um, joining the book club is just funny. And also if you had a Goodread, if you have a Goodreads account and you don't want people to know you're reading smut, then don't, don't rate those books. Okay. Because people will, people will see because, you know, sometimes I'm nosy and I go onto Goodreads and see what people are reading and see what they're reading. So I will know if you're, if you're reading some, some hockey, you know, smut book that's called, um, actually, okay, well, I won't say who it is, but someone told me that they read a book one time that was called Pucked In or Pucked Up, like with P, and it was a hockey book, and they're like, I didn't know it was going to be smutty, and I'm like, the title alone is a pun, so you should have known.
35:48You should have known that that was going to be very extremely smut.
35:52Sam Wood:Okay, next one says, I told everyone growing up my dad coach Serena Williams, but honestly, I thought he did because he's a tennis coach. LOL. He didn't. No, there's nothing wrong with a lie that you don't know is a lie because in your mind, that's true. So you're not really lying, right? Like I used to tell, actually, no, I'm not even going to say this because it's inappropriate and it would embarrass the person I'm talking about. But I told, I told a lot of people one time I got two words mixed up. One of them is a sickness and one of them is a sexually transmitted disease. And I told a lot of people that this person that I knew had the thing that wasn't the sickness.
36:29I told them that it was a sexually transmitted disease, not knowing that that's what it was. So yeah, anyway, at least you didn't do that. Your dad coaching Serena Williams is way better than telling people that someone you know has a sexually transmitted disease. Okay. Or infection, whatever you call it now that you say. Okay. Next one says, I'm a booger picker through and through. I'll just tell you guys, I'm going to read that again. I'm a booker picker through and through. Not me, this person. When I was maybe four or five, I was with my dad and he had to stop at his office. He parked along the curb down Main Street and I was chilling in the car.
36:59I started going to town on my boogies. This said, I started going down on my boogies.
37:09Sam Wood:I'm assuming they meant going to town on my boogies. I hope that's what it meant. Okay. Eventually, I picked out my brains and started gushing blood. There was nothing, I mean nothing to clean up the blood so it just kept gushing i grabbed a red solo cup and held it up to my nose i started crying because i was covered in blood i opened the car door and laid on the sidewalk i'm sorry he laid on the sidewalk and just cried because i had been caught and there was nothing taking away taking talking my way out of being a booker picker the ladies at the next door office ran out and scooped me up we went into their office and they grabbed me some paper towels they asked if i had fallen out of the car my perfect out i cried and said yes i did they next they went next door to get my dad and proceeded to tell him I had fallen out of the car and hit my nose my dad my pride was saved and my dad felt really bad you laying on the you like getting out of the car and throwing yourself onto the sidewalk is queen behavior once again I I love you guys I love everything you guys do you think on your feet this is incredible this is perfect you you thought of the I know you didn't do it on purpose but like this was the only way you could have gotten out of this with dignity still.
38:18Sam Wood:And I'm happy that it happened for you. But also, you should probably stop picking your nose. I mean, okay, I lie. I pick my nose. If there's a booger in my nose, I'm going to get it out. Okay, 100%. But it's not going anywhere near my mouth. Okay, if you're if you're if you're a grown up, and you pick your nose and you eat it, you need to go you need serious you need a lobotomy. Okay, you do. Okay, next one said I ran over my sister's foot with our golf cart. We had all decided that we were lying and she just jumped out of a tree because we had gotten driving privileges back. We had just gotten driving privileges back.
38:52Sam Wood:It was going great until she went to the hospital a week later. I broke her foot. My mom came home and told me, doctor said her foot looked crushed. I was like, mom, I know you know we ran her foot over. I was in big trouble and not allowed to take the car after that and I was pissed at my little sister for coming clean. We laugh about it now though. I love a story that you can laugh about now because nothing's worse than like having a story that like everybody remembers, but like you can't talk about it because it's not funny. I love, I love stories that are funny with my family. And you know, we're really good at turning any story into something funny.
39:27And I love that about my family. And it sounds like you guys also do this. So I love that for you too.
39:33Sam Wood:I think now as a parent, I look back at some of the things that we told my parents and I'm like, yeah they knew they 100 % knew we were lying and they just didn't have the energy for it I think most of the time parents know unless like you're a sneaky teenager then I think parents sometimes don't know but like as a kid kid they know they absolutely know they know most of the time and if they don't get mad at you it's because they don't have the energy for it okay next one says every time my sister brushed her teeth when we were kids she would gag so much when she would brush her tongue. This grossed me out so much, so I came up with a little lie that if she brushed her tongue, then all of her taste buds would fall off.
40:10Sam Wood:She believed this until we were 18 and 20. The only reason she found out was because I was brushing my tongue, and she freaked out and reminded me that I would scrub off all my taste buds. I couldn't stop laughing. You know, I would absolutely believe this too, because sometimes when I am brushing my tongue, I'm like, am I brushing too hard? Am I going to brush my taste buds off? Or like, if I'm scraping my tongue, I'm like, I better not scrape too hard because I don't want to, you know, damage my tongue. That's really not going to happen unless you're literally taking sandpaper to your tongue.
40:38And then you might rub your taste buds off. I don't know. I don't even know if it's possible, truly. But I love that she, I love that you were like, you know what? I'm not having this. I will not listen to her gag one more time. So I'm going to come up with a solution and tell her, tell her this. I just love it.
40:56Sam Wood:I love there's so many things as kids that like people tell us that we just believe as gospel. Like I remember in fifth grade, my teacher told us like it was it was a sick season, like cold season. And everybody was going so much. And it was even annoying me as a student who like didn't really care. But I could tell it was annoying my teacher. And so she told us she came up with this whole freaking lie about how if we do that, then the boogers will go into our brain and it could cause cancer. her. And I went home and told my mom and she's like, that is the biggest, fattest lie I've ever heard in my life.
41:29And it's not true. So if you're going to tell kids something, make sure it's not
41:34Sam Wood:like so unbelievable that they ask their parents about it because then they'll out you for lying. Also, that's kind of rude as a teacher to tell their fifth grade students that they're going to get brain cancer if they sniff their boogers because, you know, sometimes you just got to sniffle. Okay. Next one says, my dad, okay, this is, yeah, this is the last one. This is the last one. It's a good one. So, so buckle up. My dad was notorious for telling us kids lies or stories we'd like to call them. When I was in fifth grade, we went to Wyoming to see Jackson Hole. On the way there, my dad said he would do all the talking because everyone spoke Wyomingese.
42:12Sam Wood:Wyomingese, like, you know, language. Anyway, I was so worried about, I was so worried about the whole time when we got out of the car and we're preparing to cross the road a group of people walked up beside us and I looked over and smiled and a Chinese woman started speaking in Chinese to me I was shook after we walked away and then I looked at my mom and dad and told I looked at my dad and asked him if he knew what they said and he just smiled and nodded in recent years my mom told us how proud of himself he was and he couldn't have planned it better for this tourist group to be the first people we came in contact with I did later realize that not everyone was speaking a different language this is perfect this is like he he seriously this is like a I feel like this is a Phil Dunphy move like he would absolutely do this and like you wouldn't even you wouldn't even you couldn't have planned it better you know because like they were speaking a different language but in your in your mind like you probably had never well maybe not never but as a kid you probably hadn't been exposed that much to different languages like I think it takes a while for kids to be exposed to lots of different languages.
43:13Like it takes, you know, like they're kids. They're just experiencing life for the first time. So hearing Chinese was probably not that common for you. So then you hearing it and after he just told you that people speak Wyomingese, you're like 100 % that's Wyomingese. And my dad can understand. So he knows what they were saying. I love that.
43:32Sam Wood:I love your kind of lies, you know, they create memories for childhood. They create, you know, depth and character for our lives. And I like that. So I think we should all tell little lies like this, not humongous lies that are like, you know, life changing or like, like, um, I don't know the word I'm looking for. Just like bad lies. Like, don't do that. Don't dig yourself into a huge hole that you can't get out of. Like, don't cheat on your spouse and lie about it. But, you know, tell your children that you speak Wyomingese. I think that's great. And anyway, I love you guys. I hope you have a great week and I will see you next week.
44:18Sam Wood:I can't remember what next week's episode is, but I am doing scary stories soon. Let's see, next week. No, not next week, but the next week we're doing spooky stories and I still need some more submissions. So I'm going to put that back up on my Instagram. And if you guys are on the fence about whether you should share it or not, just share it because I'll go through them and I'll decide which ones should be shared. And if you're not sure, just do it. Just share the story. All right. Anyway, yeah, I love you guys. I hope you have a fantastic day and I'll see you next week on My Sister's Diary.
44:52Bye!
44:599 10 9 1 A
From the publisher
You know one of the spookiest feelings in the world? Telling a lie. Is it also exhilarating? Yes. But the chance of getting caught is also such a terrifying feeling. Join me today as I read through my listeners lies they've told and find out if they have gotten caught in the middle.
Some notes:
- Why I've been MIA lately + what projects I've been working on
- Halloween Costumes
- Juicy lies from my listeners
See you all next week :) Thanks for being here.
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