Mrs. Dow Jones's New Rules for Getting Rich, Plus How to Combine Finances After Marriage

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24:30We're back and answering your money questions to help you make smarter financial decisions. This episode's question comes from Annabella, who left us a comment on Spotify. Hi, I love listening to your podcast. Thank you, Annabella. I'm getting married this year, and I want to hire a financial advisor for my partner and I as we think about how to best combine finances. Can you do a podcast on how to find a good financial advisor to hire? Thanks, Annabella.

24:54Elizabeth Ayoola:Today, Sean and I are taking on your question, Annabella, ourselves. And by the way, I love your name. It's so pretty. Beautiful name. Yeah, it's like a Disney princess. Well, Annabella really just asked about how to find a good advisor, but I think there are two main parts to their question that I want to focus on. It's really how to find the advisor, like they said, and then also how best to combine finances. So we can start with finding a good advisor. And can I just add, how well suited are you, Sean, to take on this question? I know, right? You are an advisor and also you are a newly married person who I'm assuming has done some kind of financial combination.

25:31Yes and no. I mean, yes, I am an advisor. In case people didn't know, I'm a CFB. But also, I just got married in the fall. So yeah, extremely well suited to answer this question. And I'm excited to talk about it. And one thing that really gets me going in the financial planning space is what it means to be a financial advisor. Something people get wrong is thinking that they can just hire anyone who calls themselves a financial advisor and they'll get good advice. The truth is that the term financial advisor is not actually regulated. Anyone can call themselves a financial advisor and just go about giving out information and trying to get your money.

26:07But that can be really, really risky.

26:09Elizabeth Ayoola:It can be. And that's exactly why you, Sean, are going to give us some really strong tips on how to find a good advisor. One of the things I can think of is looking for a credential. So talk to us about that. Yeah. So credentials are super important. The Certified Financial Planner or CFP credential is the gold standard in financial planning and financial advising. And to become a CFP, that means that someone has gone through rigorous education. They have passed the most difficult exam that I've ever taken in my life. And they are also really importantly, perhaps most importantly, held to a fiduciary standard.

26:47And that means that this planner is putting your interests before their own. Any Joe Schmo on social media who calls themselves a financial expert isn't held to that same standard. So you just don't know what their interests are really besides, you know, self-profiting.

27:02Elizabeth Ayoola:Let's talk about fees, Sean. And I like this one because some people have this myth that financial advisors can be extremely expensive or inaccessible. Yeah, they may not be at all. And there are a few different fee structures to be aware of. Advisors, specifically CFPs, are generally fee only. That's how I practice, where I get paid on a per plan basis or by the hour. There's also fee based, where you might be generally charging based on the hour or a plan. but you can also get a commission from some financial products that you offer to people. And a lot of folks might be wary of fee-based because they could perceive a conflict of interest if you're recommending a certain product over another.

27:47Although, because we have this fiduciary standard for CFPs, you have to disclose any conflicts of interest, but that's just something to be aware of with fee-based versus fee-only. And then the other primary fee structure is assets under management. And this is typically where you move your assets over under the planner's management, and they take a percentage, maybe 1 % of your total amount of assets. That can be more expensive, but you also tend to get more hands-on service. And because this planner is managing all of your assets, a lot of people just expect and are able to call up their planner anytime and get answers to their financial questions.

28:23So it really depends on what you want. One isn't necessarily better than the other. I prefer fee only just because it's cleaner for me and I just feel like it's truer to my fiduciary standard.

28:34Elizabeth Ayoola:Something else that I love about choosing a financial advisor that I've learned over the years is that every financial advisor specializes in something different sometimes. You could have one that specializes in, I don't know, special needs or neurodivergent people. Or are there ones who specialize in couples, Sean? There probably are, Honestly, people who have worked with a lot of couples, I think well-versed planners have experience working with people who have gotten married, stayed married, gotten divorced, maybe gotten remarried. Because when you are working with a client over many years, you see them through all these different life phases.

29:09But you are right that a lot of planners will have a sort of niche specialty. Mine tends to be the LGBTQ queer community in the Oregon area because that's just who I care to serve and who I know best. So you want to find someone who can speak to your life experience and also has hopefully worked with some clients before. So this isn't their first rodeo.

29:29Elizabeth Ayoola:All right. Now, hiring a financial advisor, what are the steps that people need to take here? Do they look in a directory? Do they ask their friend? Do they ask their bank? Maybe all of the above. I think this is a key part of Annabella's question is really how do you find an advisor? Word of mouth is a great resource. I've had referrals from friends who I've helped before who've told their friends about me and then their friend reaches out to me. I met someone at a party the other week who we got to talking about how expensive of a watch they wanted to buy. And I was like, well, as a financial planner, I don't know if you wanna spend all your money on that.

30:02And then they said, wait, you're a planner, let's get to chatting. So that led to a prospect. So you never know when you'll meet someone who could help you with your finances. And then just a plain old internet search outside of XY Planning Network can help you too. Just saying financial planners in my area or financial planners for X specialty. Just do your research and try to find a few different areas where you can locate planners.

30:24Elizabeth Ayoola:One thing that comes to mind is that not every planner is going to be a great fit, Sean. I think of it like when you're looking for a therapist or when you're looking for a primary care doctor, you want to consider several things before you choose a financial advisor. So what are some things that people should consider in the vetting process? Yeah, people should not rush into going with the first planner they meet unless they're really confident that it's a right fit. I recommend that people meet with a few different advisors before choosing the one that they want to work with. Because like you said, Elizabeth, this is often an intimate, ongoing relationship like when you would have with a therapist or a primary care physician.

31:01you want to feel like you can talk with this person about anything because generally you're talking about things with a financial planner that you haven't talked about with anyone else before and you want to trust them you want to feel like you can communicate openly without judgment and also you want to know that they have the knowledge base to really work through these thorny issues with you you want to think about their personality and their communication style and also their financial values i had to fire a financial planner one time because i realized that we had really misaligned financial values.

31:29Elizabeth Ayoola:Wow. Do you want to share any details on that? Yeah. It wasn't anything too wild, but for me, this was a clear, okay, we're not going to be a match. This was, gosh, almost six years ago now. And NerdWallet has a wonderful workplace benefit where we can get connected to financial planners. And they just match you with one kind of randomly through the service. So I got paired with a guy. We had a good conversation. I talked about how I had just had a big cash outflow because I had bought my car. And he recommended that I could possibly take out a 401k loan to give myself some more liquid cash. And I am very anti-401k loan, unless you are in an emergency.

32:11Yeah. And for me, I had a temporary cash crunch where I didn't have as much as I'd like to have, but I knew that in a few months I'd be able to save and build back up my savings. So to be recommended to take out a 401k loan for that just seemed like a bad, bad idea. Except for some people, that would be an okay idea. But for me, it's not. And so I said, let me work with someone else.

32:33Elizabeth Ayoola:Yeah, good on you for identifying that and being able to see that you guys weren't aligned and then looking for someone who was. So I assume who you're working with now is a better fit. Yeah, 100%. And that also reminds me that people may well have a benefit like we have at NerdWallet to work with financial advisors. See if you have someone there because that might be a free route to getting financial planning. Let's look at the when and now, Sean. I hear people all the time say, for example, I don't need a therapist or a therapist is not for me. Does everybody need a financial advisor or is it for a specific group of people?

33:06Elizabeth Ayoola:When should you work with one? The therapy point is so interesting because a lot of times people want to work with a therapist when they're in some kind of crisis to help them resolve what's going on in their life. When in fact, the best time to work with a therapist is when things are kind of going okay. So you can have a baseline, have a relationship. And then when something does happen, you're working with someone who already knows your life and can help you process it. Very much the same with financial planners. You want to work with someone when your finances are doing okay, but you want some extra help.

33:32And there are some key times where you might want to consider working with one, like with Annabella situation, they're about to get married. That's a big life change. Anytime you're going through a significant change, whether it's maybe getting a new job or moving to a new area or marriage or divorce or having a kid, a time when your finances are really going to change, it's helpful to have someone evaluate your circumstances and help you map out that financial plan, because that's also the key element of working with a certified financial planner is they give you a comprehensive financial plan to help you get to where you want to go with your money.

34:03So Elizabeth, I'd like to hear about a time when maybe you decided to work with a financial planner or not based on your life circumstances.

34:09Elizabeth Ayoola:Like you, Sean, because I also work at NerdWallet, I have utilized the free financial advisor benefit that we get, and it has been tremendously helpful. Before then, I didn't consider working with a financial advisor because I didn't actually know that you didn't have to work with the one that takes a percentage of your portfolio. But as I started working at NerdWallet and increasing my knowledge base, I realized, hey, there are fee-only planners. I have been matched with about two different advisors now. The first one, lucky for me, happened to be a great match. She was a woman and she was very friendly and relatable.

34:45Elizabeth Ayoola:And I enjoyed working with her, but then she just disappeared. So then I was given a guy to work with and he was okay. But you know what, as I think about it, Sean, I only had one meeting with him. And to be honest, I didn't feel a very deep connection, but I guess I saw it as, well, he's just going to give me financial advice. And I didn't think any much further than that. So, but those are my only two experiences. Yeah. That can be the downside of working with a planner that comes from one of these workplace benefit services is that they have a likely very large pool of your colleagues that they're working with.

35:15And unless you make a point to say, hey, I want a full comprehensive financial plan, I want you to dig into everything, they're going to give you maybe a more cursory analysis of your finances because they frankly just have to move on to the next client.

35:28Elizabeth Ayoola:Yes, exactly. And then I think also, the times that I have worked with a financial advisor is like you said, maybe when I'm going through transitionary periods or just when I need to know that I'm on track and I kind of need that reassurance that I'm doing the right thing. Those are the two situations where I've used one. Yeah. And a key question everyone should answer before they work with a financial planner is why now is the right time to work with a financial planner or an advisor? Because a lot of times folks sign up to meet with someone and they don't understand that it actually takes work on both sides to get this going.

36:02You have to dig through all of your financial information and share it with the planner. You have to have some meetings and really hash things out, like going to therapy. And if you aren't committed to that journey with someone, then it might not be the right time for you. But get committed to your why, and then you can understand whether this is a good time to do it or not.

36:19Elizabeth Ayoola:Let's jump into the second part of Annabella's question, which I find to be a great topic to talk about, which is combining finances when you are married. Yes. So Elizabeth, you have been married in the past. You've had many a relationship where you've combined finances or not. Where do you think people should start with this? A chat. I love a good chat and I love some deep reflective questions. So maybe I do think you need to go deep because I think combining finances is a deep thing. So I think the good place to start is with a conversation, an honest and open one. If you haven't had one already about your money values, you want to talk about things maybe you're afraid of.

37:00Elizabeth Ayoola:I know that I hear often from women that they're afraid of maybe kind of losing their financial empowerment if they combine finances with their partner. You want to talk about financial boundaries, your strengths and your weaknesses, because my assumption is if you're combining finances, you want to work together as a team and one person may be better at things than the other person. This can also be a good time to outline things like what your debt is, what you have in your retirement accounts, how much you have in savings, all those kind of good and deep and sometimes uncomfortable topics. Yeah, if you haven't laid everything out from like your credit score to how much debt you carry to maybe your worst financial mistake, before you get married is really a good time to do that.

37:39And you mentioned money values. We talk about that a lot. I think people can have a hard time understanding what their values are in a concrete way. What do you think is a good maybe question to ask or exercise to go through to help people understand what their values are and what their partners might be too?

37:54Elizabeth Ayoola:Oh, that's such a good one. And Google is such a great resource and I hate to be simplistic, but it's true. There are so many different kind of questions that you can find online that will help you to explore your money values. But I think a good one that one could ask is like, what was your earliest memory of money? You know, what was maybe the most traumatic experience or memory that you have with money? When do you feel most fearful about money? How do you feel after you make a money mistake? You can, you know, discover with that question, do you have shame, a lot of shame that you carry around making financial mistakes?

38:24Elizabeth Ayoola:or do you show yourself grace? So those are some questions people can ask. And there are a lot of negative emotions tied up with money. It's important too to talk about what makes you feel good around money. Like what is maybe the best feeling that you get when you spend money or what are you proudest of with what you've done with your finances that can help you uncover your values too? Yeah, and also one that comes to mind as well is how do you want money to make you feel, right? So is it that you want money, like what personal value is it tied to? Do you want money so that you can feel free, so that you can feel comfortable, so that you can help others?

38:59Elizabeth Ayoola:You know, there are different ways kind of to frame that that will help you see how money ties to your own personal values. Yeah. OK. I want to turn now to checking accounts, combining checking accounts or not. This is a really common topic that people have to broach with someone that they're getting married to or maybe even just moving in with. and you asked earlier whether Garrett and I, my husband and I have combined our finances in any meaningful way since we got married and the answer is actually no, we haven't really changed anything. We still have fully separate accounts. I've considered maybe getting a joint account for things like yard projects or vacations that we wanna do together.

39:37We just haven't done it yet but for a lot of folks, it really works out well to have some kind of joint account where you're each putting in maybe a proportional amount of your paychecks based on who's making what amount. And then you retain separate accounts. That last part is really important for financial freedom and independence. And also just so you can have some privacy in relationships. Say you want to get your partner a gift. You don't want them seeing that you spent money on that. Or maybe you just want to buy something and it's okay that your partner doesn't know about it necessarily.

40:09I'm not supporting financial infidelity here or anything, But, you know, I think people maybe undervalue the importance of privacy in all relationships.

40:19Elizabeth Ayoola:I would love, love, love to second that. Just because you're becoming one, as some people like to say it, or merging your finances, it doesn't mean that you lose your individualism. Sean, I want you to know that you're not alone in terms of not having any joint accounts because actually fewer married people are having joint financial accounts these days. Want to know how I know? How do you know? I found a data point. And it came from the Census Bureau's Survey of Income and Program Participation. And it found that in 2023, 77 % of married couples who owned any kind of asset at a financial institution held at least one type of account jointly with their spouse.

40:59Elizabeth Ayoola:But guess what? That is down from 85 % in 1996. So fewer people are getting joint accounts. And it's still over three quarters of couples. It's a lot. But down from 85%. That's a significant change. And I wonder if that is related to the push of people wanting to retain their financial independence just in case things go sideways. I think we're seeing now a lot of the millennials who were growing up who maybe had divorced parents, myself included, really find value and importance in retaining your own flexibility and independence. That would be my guess also. And it's just a reminder that, again, there isn't one way to do finances in marriage, right?

41:41Elizabeth Ayoola:You can choose to combine, you can choose to keep them separate, and that doesn't have to impact your intimacy or love. Yeah. Well, one area it is helpful to connect with your partner on a pretty deep level is actually budgeting. You want to know what your household income and spending looks like so you can work toward those longer term financial goals. There are some really helpful apps that can make this easier for you. One is monarch money that people really enjoy for joint budgeting. And Honeydew is another that caters to couples as well. And Honeydew is another that caters to couples. That's Honey, D-U-E, like a bill is due.

42:17Elizabeth Ayoola:Allocating financial responsibilities is something I'm also thinking about that can be helpful for Annabella, whether you choose to combine your finances or not. Now, Sean, I want to ask you, since at the moment you and your partner do not have any joint accounts, how do you allocate financial responsibilities? Do you just say, hey, you're going to pay the light bill and I'm going to pay for groceries and you pay that out of your respective accounts? Well, our situation is a little funky with Garrett and me because we each have our own properties. So with this place here, we live at Garrett's property in Portland.

42:51He covers all utilities. And then I earn a little more. So I cover groceries. And it just tends to shake out for us in a way that feels really equitable. But on that end, I also I cover all the related expenses to my own property, too. So we try to find that balance that is fair for each of us based on our income.

43:12Elizabeth Ayoola:If I were to get remarried, I would like to do something similar. But I think I would actually be for a joint account for household expenses. And we could each maybe take a part out of our paycheck. And then everyone else can spend their money on what they want to spend their money on. because it's none of my business. Yeah, I tend to be the one who spends my money a little bit more loosely. Like we have this patio furniture we've had for years now and the cushions are getting pretty ratty. So I just bought some new cushions for us. It came out of my household expenses fund. It was a couple hundred dollars and I was happy to pay for that because I had the money set aside.

43:48So that's just one area where I, because I make a little more, I tend to be more flexible and open to just buying random things for the house.

43:54Elizabeth Ayoola:Well, just for the record, Sean, I would love to have a partner like you because you have 12 different accounts and 12 different buckets. And I know that we'll be fine. Absolutely. That's the goal, at least. Yeah. But it can be helpful to have one person who's maybe more of the ringleader around the finances. And so for me, that's kind of my role, as you might expect, being a CFP and a host of a finance podcast. So this past year, we filed our taxes jointly for the first time. And that was my responsibility. I held myself up in the office. I think I told you about this. I locked myself away for like two hours and just did everything.

44:29And I kept Garrett posted on how things were looking. And if there were any trouble spots, I ran them by him. But beyond that, I'm happy to take on that annoying task because I have the information to do it.

44:42Elizabeth Ayoola:Love what you said about keeping Garrett posted. And I just want to reinforce the importance of knowing what's going on in your finances, no matter which kind of approach that you guys take. If one person is predominantly managing, it's still so important for the other partner to know what's going on, know where the financial accounts are, what the passwords are, how much money is in these accounts. Because I just hate hearing scenarios where one person is kind of locked out of the finances or oblivious to what's going on financially and heavens forbid a partner passes away or they're being financially abused.

45:13Elizabeth Ayoola:They have no access to the resources within the relationship. Yeah, that is such a crucial point, especially when you're working with a financial advisor. Yes, one person might be the one coordinating the meetings and gathering the documents. Both parties need to be equally invested in knowing what's going on. Because to your point, we see a lot of the times where in a heterosexual couple, the men tend to die younger, right? And the wife may not know what's going on with their finances at all. And sometimes that leads to a great surprise because you didn't realize that your husband had a bunch of money saved.

45:46Sometimes it's the exact opposite and it can be really devastating. Everyone needs to know what's happening with your finances, despite what traditional gender roles may have dictated around who's leading the financial conversations in the household.

45:57Elizabeth Ayoola:Let's talk about life insurance now. That's an important one. How are you and Garrett approaching life insurance now that you are married? Yeah, I upped mine for sure, just because I want to make sure that if something happens to me and vice versa, that we would get enough money coming in from life insurance to cover things like our mortgages. So now that Annabella and their partner are going to be getting married, you want to make sure that you would have enough money to cover any kind of debt and that the loss of one person, I mean, it's going to be devastating, obviously, but try to mitigate the financial burden of it.

46:33And that's why life insurance is an extra important thing to look at when you're getting married.

46:37Elizabeth Ayoola:And then with the life insurance policy, it's so important that you put your partner, if that's what you desire, as a beneficiary. And that extends to all financial accounts, again, that you would like them to potentially inherit if, in the worst case scenario, you pass away. Yeah, updating beneficiary designations is a really simple financial task. You can log into your checking account, your bank account to do that. But with life insurance, it's extra important to review that, especially if you've been married before, because there are so many stories of the ex-wife getting the money from a life insurance policy.

47:09And the person who passed away wouldn't have wanted that to happen, but they just forgot to update the beneficiary designation.

47:15Elizabeth Ayoola:And then also the current partner or family is left out to dry. And now they don't have the funds that they would need during their grieving period. Yeah. And this is also something that a good financial planner will be able to flag immediately and take care of for you. Annabella, I hope that we have answered your question sufficiently. Hopefully when you finally do find a financial advisor, you guys can sit down and go through the many subjects that we've had. It's usually not one conversation. It's several conversations to be had. And also you all are just learning about yourselves financially as a married couple.

47:47Elizabeth Ayoola:and you can always change your strategy and approach as you go along to what benefits you and what fits you. Yeah, what Elizabeth said. And also congratulations on getting married. Please keep us posted on how this goes for you. And if you're feeling nice, you can send us some wedding pics. We'd love to see. We would love that. Yes, okay. All right, well, that's all we have for this episode. Remember, listener, that our job is to answer your money questions. So please send them our way. You can hit us up on the NERD hotline by texting us or calling us at 901-730-6373. That's 901-730-NERD. You can also email us at podcast at nerdwallet.com or leave us a comment on Spotify or YouTube.

48:23Elizabeth Ayoola:And you can also follow us or subscribe. What do they say? Like and subscribe on YouTube. Join us next time to hear about how to save for retirement when you are self-employed. In the meantime, follow Smart Money on your favorite podcast app that includes Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and iHeartRadio to automatically download new episodes. And here's our brief disclaimer. We are not your financial or investment advisors. this nerdy info is provided for general educational and entertainment purposes and may not apply to your specific circumstances. This episode was produced by Tess Vigland, Hilary Georgie helped with editing, Eve Krogman helms our audio and video production, and a big thank you to NerdWallet's editors for all their help.

49:02And with that said, until next time, turn to the nerds.

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