Amy Hart’s motherhood confessions

4 Aug 2025 · 49 min · 23 chapters

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In short

Motherhood “confessions” and parenting fails, told by Amy Hart and audience stories; includes fertility/egg freezing, postpartum realities, and family logistics (parties, school, travel, self-care).

Guests

Amy Hart (Love Island star; later TV/podcast host; mother of toddler Stanley; previously froze eggs at 28; had PCOS concerns; husband had a sperm-sample procedure at Leicester Royal Hospital; conceived after fertility treatment). No other guest is interviewed; the episode includes listener-submitted fails.

Key claims

Parenting is full of “fails” and hormones/brain fog cause forgetfulness; “mum rage” and resentment can spike during partners’ illness; planning themed activities (bear books, Easter/Christmas displays) is stressful and sometimes backfires; self-care often looks like poor decisions (e.g., falling asleep in a McDonald’s car park).

Notable examples

Projecting frustration while husband recovers from ruptured appendix; hospital/appendix surgery disrupting a birthday party; failing the “adventure bear” book (photos/printing/spelling); Amy’s “man flu” leading to 2am vomiting and appendix rupture; Stanley’s “our day” plan ruined by closed rides; christening hangover with vomiting in a sink; audience: sleep-deprived monologue at an airport; McDonald’s nap + £60 parking fine; teenager outfit shaming and silent treatment.

Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.

Chapters

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Amy's Husband's 'Man Flu' and Parenting Chaos

0:30 to 3:40

Amy shares a humorous account of dealing with her husband's illness and the challenges of parenting.

“So my husband's had like man flu for six weeks, which means I find I hate him a little bit more.”

The Teddy Bear Adventure Project

3:40 to 8:00

Discussion about the pressures of documenting children's activities through a school project involving a teddy bear.

Relatable Parenting Fails

8:00 to 9:00

A discussion about funny and relatable parenting fails shared by listeners.

Amy Hart's Motherhood Journey

9:00 to 13:30

Amy discusses her journey to motherhood, including her experience with egg freezing and unexpected pregnancy.

“He's not doing anything at the moment because his organs are in Leicester Royal Hospital somewhere.”

Finding Humor in Parenting

13:30 to 14:00

Exploration of the challenges and humorous moments in raising a toddler.

Surprising Pregnancy Outcome

14:00 to 14:29

Discusses a remarkable story of unexpected quintuplets from IUI.

Daily Life with a Toddler

14:30 to 17:08

Shares experiences of parenting a toddler, including planning outings.

“From when he was a baby, I used to put him down to bed when he was a teeny tiny baby at like 11 PM.”

Reflections on Love Island Experience

17:09 to 19:06

Reflects on the impact of participating in Love Island and personal growth.

Balancing Motherhood and Glamour

19:07 to 22:20

Discusses the challenges of maintaining a glamorous appearance as a mom.

“And his brother kept coming over being like, Curtis, you all right?”

Drinking and Parenting Stories

22:21 to 24:28

Shares humorous anecdotes about drinking and the challenges of parenting.

“Well, I'm sort of back in like the Love Island getting ready thing in that obviously I do the podcast.”
Show all 23 chapters

The Pressure of Parenting Expectations

24:29 to 28:00

Explores the pressures of creating magical experiences for children as parents.

Motherhood Magic and Expectations

28:00 to 29:20

Explore the pressures and joys of creating magical moments for children.

Birthday Party Plans and Parental Choices

29:20 to 30:50

Discuss the fun and stress of planning a themed birthday party for kids.

Managing Children's Behavior and Tantrums

30:50 to 33:00

Insights into dealing with children's tantrums in public settings.

Traveling with Kids: The Challenges

33:00 to 35:40

Discuss the realities and difficulties of traveling with young children.

“So my mum's Scottish and she'd be like, excuse me, can I have some turkey on your bun, please?”

Parental Judgment and Self-Care

35:40 to 37:30

Exploration of parental judgment in public and the importance of self-care.

“I know it's difficult traveling with kids.”

Balancing Parenting and Personal Time

37:30 to 39:20

Reflections on how to balance parenting responsibilities with personal time.

Moms and McDonald's: The Relaxation Dilemma

42:01 to 43:15

Explore the humorous side of mothers sneaking in naps at school pick-ups.

“She's like, I've got no one to look after.”

The Teenager Transition

43:16 to 43:59

Discuss the emotional rollercoaster of parenting a teenager.

Fashion Faux Pas: The School Run

44:00 to 45:01

Humorous insights into the challenges of teen fashion expectations.

Creative Kids: The Permanent Marker Incident

45:02 to 46:09

A funny tale about kids' creativity leading to chaos.

“I felt, you know, because you felt like you have to scrub it.”

Marker Mayhem: The Search for Solutions

46:10 to 46:41

Advice and laughs about handling permanent marker mishaps with kids.

“Hacks, how to get black marker off carpets, walls.”

Sharing Parenting Experiences

46:42 to 47:13

Encouragement for listeners to share their parenting stories.

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Transcript

Automatic transcript. May contain errors.

0:00Amy Hart:Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need. From athletic stuff, like a full-court pickup game, SWISH! To athletic stuff, like a half-mile stroll. Get those steps in! And from morning hikes up the mountain trail, good pace! To nighttime ghost stories from the camping chair. What a twist! Whatever level of active, Sierra loves it all. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it.

0:30NPG:Coming up. So my husband's had like man flu for six weeks, which means I find I hate him a little bit more. About an extra 10, 15 % more than I did before he got flu.

0:39Amy Hart:I walked back to the car feeling like I'd been dumped. I pushed you out of my vagina. And now you're saying that I can't even hug you.

0:48NPG:It's Amy Hart.

0:49Amy Hart:It's Amy Hart. And I went straight into the downstairs toilet and I was being sick in the sink. I was like, it's fine. I'll just do this. And started picking it up with my hands. Oh no. I'm a mother now. Oh, watch me. I love throwing it into the toilet, but obviously none of it went into the toilet. Oh, no.

1:11Amy Hart:Hello. Hello. We're back. It's so nice. Like, is it just, I love being here.

1:15NPG:Yeah, I do.

1:16Amy Hart:And like, just talking to you.

1:17NPG:It's quiet. We can have drinks and I want to move in. Wait, we can have drinks? Yeah. Oh, water. Oh, like water. Yeah, but I never get hydrated at home. I just constant sugar puff piss all the time.

1:28Amy Hart:oh the sugar puff yeah absolutely but no i actually this morning i was scrolling on my um instagram as you do and i came across this meme that i quickly sent to my like group of closest friends saying when you share stories when you when you rant to other people yeah um it can reduce the risk of heart disease by 30 percent really it's probably rubbish but i thought you know maybe this is not only fun and and this is a healthy podcast this is help this is helping people uh release all sorts of things because you know that's what we're here for yeah i love it how's your week been um yeah good good it's interesting isn't it because you realize how many times you kind of do fail in the week yeah without and because we're talking about it more

2:16NPG:it's like oh there's another one there's another one there's another one it's only a day after a recording of the podcast um but yeah a good a good week um yours um so I I've had a really bad fail this week okay let's go but it's like a mum well it's more like a wife fail oh yeah oh okay so my husband's had like man flu for six weeks and I've got to the point where behind his back six weeks yeah yeah antibiotics like twice really dramatic he's quite uh sensitive just complains about everything so you obviously have to parent more which means I find I hate him a little bit more about an extra 10 15 percent more than i did before he got flu of course but it's like looking after another child it is like a man child and um i don't want to sound too harsh but yeah it's been really frustrating i've already done my head so let it out let it out on on sunday he was we had a great day it was my little boy's birthday we went out had a fun and i was like do know what it's really nice to see the old you back he seemed to be like himself again he was like you know what i feel great 2 a.m he's up chundering like vomiting projectile vomiting on the walls oh my gosh and i was like whilst i'm really concerned for how he feels who's cleaning that up muggins yeah let me tell you and then he was like not feeling great i was like i don't know if he's dying so i'm gonna i'm gonna take you to a and e oh my gosh yeah it was that dramatic but i think at the back i said it with like a hint of sarcasm because you know with your kids when they're like my tummy hurts and you're like do you need a poo i always say that do you just got a trump get in the farting position yeah so you get like you know on your shoulders and like anyone walks past the window barry from dpd's like oh they're in the farting position again so it's like are you sure like you show you you don't need a poo and he was like i really don't and he could hardly speak took him to the hospital and his appendix had ruptured oh my gosh poor guy had to get rushed to surgery oh my gosh hannah which is just awful but then i'm like he can't drive for three weeks now and we've got kids groups it's my son's birthday party on friday and i've told all the parents just to drop the kids off and leave them because me and my husband will be there to watch them and he's and he's like you know walking around the house now like and i appreciate he's had an organ taken out is it is your appendix an organ i don't know i don't know they're pretty pointless though aren't they and the kids are like is daddy okay i'm like daddy's fine you know he's a little bit dramatic he's all right yes yes yeah and i just i felt in that moment i was like maybe i should stop being so um irritated at him not pulling his weight i mean

4:42Amy Hart:yes he did have his appendix ruptured so i get that but you know i actually said to him he was

4:47NPG:sat down last night with a swollen stomach and i was like you know you've had like three small incisions think of all the women that have had c-sections massive gouge through the gut oh my gosh and then they just have to get up same day get back on you know and parent and maybe look after all the kids do the who's making dinner yes you know that sort of thing changing nappies and they said we run our own business so they were like you you're gonna have to be signed off for three weeks and i was like babe you'll you'll be answering emails tomorrow like you're fine because it's just keyholes it's like the little incisions like a c-section is like it's pretty

5:21Amy Hart:major c-section so my parenting fail this week and i'm sure lots of people have had this and i can't bear it it's when your kid is either at nursery or in this case my daughter's at rainbows and it's like a class after school like brownies scouts thing yeah and they give you that

5:44NPG:sodding teddy bear and a book oh god it stinks doesn't it it stinks but you have to take it on the adventure everywhere take pictures of this bear print the pictures out and then stick them

5:59Amy Hart:in the book and then decorate the book and talk about your week with this sodding bear and i'm like sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need from athletic stuff like a full court pickup game swish to athletic stuff like a half mile stroll get those steps in and for morning hikes up the mountain trail good pace it's a nighttime ghost choice from the camping chair what a twist whatever level of active sierra loves it all head to sierra or sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all from athletic to athletic sierra's got it i've got enough on my plate and now i have to do this and if you read other people's pages

6:40NPG:they've taken the bear to like everywhere mauritius oh my god and it's like oh for goodness they've planned it as well they know yeah they know he's going to read it on the next it's like what we were I took my kids bear to Scarborough for the weekend we went down beach and that and ice cream and I put it in the book and then I started reading where this bear had been and I was like oh look the bear's just been to the moldy how the bears well travel well it needs grounding so it's coming with me yes well that's the thing it's like not only do we have to

7:13Amy Hart:you know you have to print out the photos how often does anyone print out photos anymore and

7:18NPG:then not make a spelling mistake when you hand write in the uh it's so stressful and again yeah

7:24Amy Hart:looking through the book as you say like this bear called sparkles has been everywhere and then our pictures are like sparkles with my daughter in the kitchen and then in the garden and one more in her bedroom that was my parenting uh fails this week i love that our audience is sending in their parenting i know it doesn't make you feel like this is great we're all in this together

7:47NPG:this is normal it's the the people that message me on my instagram i will wet myself laughing at some of the stuff they say the amount of parents that leave their kids like they'll go that one woman said to me how she dropped her son off at school took the newborn baby and was like really flustered the baby was screaming because she needed to breastfeed had to like went to leave and the teacher's like excuse me excuse me you've left the baby in the classroom and she's like oh my gosh and it's like that's so easily done or if you're in a shop and you're paying at the and you just turn around to walk out and you just leave the baby in the push turn you're like oh my

8:22Amy Hart:god sorry i thought i forgot something it happens more than we know yeah and uh it's again it's

8:28NPG:normal like our hormones brain is everywhere yeah it's like yeah i was relieved once when somebody said to me that is it's actually a thing where you forget like your pin numbers when you stand at the the supermarket and you're like oh my god I don't actually know and if somebody said what's your pin number what's your postcode and what dates were your kids born you'd be like I genuinely don't know yeah and but it's it's a hormonal thing apparently again if there's a doctor here we need somebody to help us out with this stuff like me telling you earlier about why your forehead's called a forehead because somebody in where you need to you need to tell everyone on this because I found this out today I don't know if it's true somebody in Wetherspoons told me that your forehead is called a forehead because you can get your four fingers from your eyebrow to your hairline so like it's more than if it's more than you've got a big forehead that's what she told me that I can get four fingers I can get just in context I'm putting my four fingers on my forehead here yeah because this sounds of it I can get four fingers on it pattern what about full skin well I don't well that's that's it maybe I should have gone to the men's toilets and maybe spoons to find out that wants to let us know about that yeah actually

9:35Amy Hart:four fingers around a foreskin would be quite a quite a hefty foreskin yeah oh sorry we don't need that when you've had like three kids it's like keep that slug's eye away from me unless

9:48NPG:i'm ovulating not interested i do have a question talking on the subject of

9:52Amy Hart:with Willys and Fourskin. Does your husband...

9:57NPG:He's not doing anything at the moment because his organs are in Leicester Royal Hospital somewhere.

10:03Amy Hart:I was having a lovely relaxing bath the other night. I love my baths. Like it's my time. And candles, wine. I mean, I really enjoy my bath. The other day, my husband comes in, ruins the zen immediately. Lights on, you know, the grunting. just flaps his willy from side to side. Can you get this? The windmill. And he's just doing it.

10:29NPG:Then he's like, this is really funny. I'm like, you just completely ruined my zen. And in that moment, was he thinking, she's in the bar. She is ready for a bit of fun. Yeah, I think he was like, is this a bit of foreplay?

10:41Amy Hart:And I'm like, no, this is not anything. You've seen this? You've seen this hunt? And you're like, yes. Seen this big foreskin? Yeah. No, no, like all of it, no. And I'm like, babe, you do realise that I'm trying to zone out and zen yeah and he's like well you know you don't want to miss this and i'm like

10:57NPG:i thought you're gonna say that so my husband i'll be in the bath the bath and um he'll come in and uh he'll just drop his guts and have a poo and he'll be like you he'll get his phone out as well he'll send me memes of like iguanas on skis in japan on his phone whilst i'm in the bath whilst he's pooing and i'll be like um andy can you open the window please because i am chewing whatever you ate for lunch tuna jacket potato i'm smelling uh can you just open the window it's disgusting and you're like yeah but babe i feel like we haven't chatted for ages i'm like

11:32Amy Hart:now is not the time time and a place as i'm trying to like trim everywhere and i've got

11:37NPG:the hedge trimmer out like you know you know how it is i do yeah so i just don't have baths anymore at the moment it's just not worth i'll just you know yeah we don't even lock on our door maybe

11:47Amy Hart:that's the maybe that's the key thing i need to get a lock on the door i like that you commit to that you also have wine oh no it's like a it's a date night for myself i love it i had a great time it's self-care now today we have a new bombshell entering the villa sorry i'm in the podcast studio that's right she's the love island icon who wore her heart on her sleeve froze her eggs before it was trendy and now she's a full-time mom and part-time glam goddess.

12:15NPG:Please welcome the queen of heartfelt honesty. It's Amy Hart. It's Amy Hart.

12:20Amy Hart:You said glamour. I am doing the Love Island podcast at the moment so I get very minimal sleep so I'm not that glamorous to them. Are you looking very glamorous to me? You're looking very glamorous to me. And now you're a mum, you've got a toddler. I know. I love how you said froze her eggs before it was fashionable because that is so true. Yes. Everyone's doing it now which I'm glad. Maybe I inspired them, maybe I influenced them. but yeah because you're 28 that's really young to freeze eggs yeah at the time I was like habitually single um famously single and I uh didn't know I was gonna meet anyone and then so yeah spent 15 gram freezing my eggs and then got pregnant by accident you got pregnant naturally

12:54NPG:right yeah it's crazy because you spend your whole life don't you from a young girl being like right be really careful not to get pregnant yeah and then all of a sudden you get to that stage where it's like right okay I think we're gonna try for a baby yeah and and then it's like so why has it not happened like I remember I went to see a doctor and I had problems with my periods and stuff and this doctor said I think you've got polycystic ovaries and he said my daughter had the same thing so he sent me off to a fertility clinic and at that point I've been married a few years I was like oh we're not like we're just kind of seeing how things go we're not like right I want a baby now kind of thing because you know you're not everyone's guaranteed to be blessed with that but then next thing my husband's having to have a Tommy tank in Leicester Royal Hospital and get his sperm sample out and my husband came out and he was just like so they gave this pot to me and they said that you've but you've had some dye in your womb and that and I've got to I've got to have a pot and I was like oh god sorry I didn't I don't think I read the leaflet about the process here so so he had to get everything tested and then um yeah so we were given this clomid to make me release more eggs but then it's like well what if you release too many eggs and then you might have like three or four babies and then you're like it's it's a real um yeah yeah there's a lady I follow and um there's a lady I'm following

14:04Amy Hart:on YouTube and she wasn't allowed Clomid because her chances of having twins and triplets was higher and they didn't think her body would be able to cope with it and then she had IUI and ended up with quintuplets anyway so yeah gosh is that four or five oh hell no had two went to get a third and got five she had five babies it's an amazing amazing story wow I feel like we need to on this podcast she lives in america get on zoom not the kids are it comes to fortune yeah right so but now you have a toddler yes stanley stanley do you have any parenting fails are you are you as glamorous as you as you see in like a soft play and stuff i mean i think our life's bit of a whirlwind where i don't do a normal job that has like a normal structure yeah stanley is very um sort of adaptable and people are like he needs more structure in his life and i'm like he's fine like he's lovely um but the other day my mom fail was i get very excited about things so i tell him everything and i talk to him about everything so i'm like so we have so tuesdays is our day he woke me up this this week um because he does like a lion he likes to lay in till like half eight nine oh my god likes a lion i know are you kidding but i like i really like Yeah, do you know what I mean?

15:23Amy Hart:Now you're just so smug about that. Do you know what? From when he was a baby, I used to put him down to bed when he was a teeny tiny baby at like 11 PM. And people used to be like, what are you doing? Like, so he'd be like downstairs with us. Cause I'd be like, cause then he sleeps until 11 AM and I don't want to get up at 5 AM. So I was upstairs in bed and I had, mommy, I'm awake. It's our day. It's half past two in the afternoon. It's like no argument. It's our day. So I went downstairs and I'm like, right Stanley it's our day I was like do you know what we're doing today and he's like yeah and I'm like okay we are gonna go to Harbour Park we're gonna go on some rides we're gonna go on the machines the 2p machines we're gonna go to mini golf and he's like mini golf yay anyway so we get all dressed we get in the car we go on the machines lovely and then we get outside to go on the rides and all the rides are closed and he's like rides mummy I want to go on rides mummy and I'm like oh well they're all actually closed so mini golf let's go to mini golf lovely walk around the corner mini golf all chained up he's like I just want mini golf if I hadn't told him what we were gonna do yeah it would have been such an easier day because then I was like my shopping hadn't come um because I hadn't ordered I don't know why I was like yeah my shopping didn't come because I hadn't ordered it that's why it didn't come um so I ordered it for the next day um so I was like do you want a special treat do you want to go to McDonald's and he's like yeah I want a burger I a normal burger normal burger I was like oh Burger King's only four minutes where we'll go there instead get in there no beef products so I've got him some chicken nuggets mommy you said I could have a burger so I'm like I need to stop telling everything yeah yeah because they remember everything and they hold on to your every word and if you say something they're like right well

17:03NPG:you've said it yeah that's happening now yes and you can't really go back on it like my my son's birthday is in July and we've got a busy period at work during July my husband's appendix burst on Monday so um he's he's been obviously like quite poorly so on Friday I have 12 children going to a go-karting party because my nine-year-old was like I've never had my own party before I'm like that's because I do a joint party at the house in the summer for all my summer kid all my kids got summer babies so I just buy lots of booze get a bounce castle yeah all the adults get drunk and it's I invite the parents I like so sometimes they're like oh how come they're here it's like because I like the parents Bradley I like the parents I don't like your friend's parents just be friends and go play in the bouncy castle and so on friday i have 12 kids come in i've told all the parents just drop drop the kids off and go i can look at me and my husband will be there to look after them there's actually going to be me stood there with a cake that i probably spilled or dropped in the car on the way there and it's like bradley's got this narrative of how the day's gonna go and i'm like i know it's not gonna go like that so it's like you have to kind of like tell them beforehand otherwise they just get like but you said it's like i know i said that but that's not the case anymore um so your series of love island was the first one that

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18:17Amy Hart:i ever watched um and i loved it i was sucked into it i watched every single episode i adored you thank you i was actually really sad when you left but i totally understood like i was like wow like you actually went into the island looking for love um what a mug right but what an amazing experience though doing it like i bet you learned a lot yeah i think i'm actually close to watching it back i reckon i'm probably about two years away from watching it back um no really yeah why is that um i just i think i was still holding on to a lot of like not feelings about anyone but just feelings of like i felt like it would upset me a lot yeah um but i think now i'm 32 um i saw a picture so it was six years ago so i was 26 nearly 27 and um when i came out everyone was like you know ugliest island ever like you're the fat one you're that anyway so the other day on my facebook memories came up casa and more had obviously started that night because my best friend ran my socials when i was in there yeah and she'd done like a collage of all different pictures of us like before we went to casa and more and i was like i've never seen any of these pictures i was like zooming in i was like oh my god i want to look like that again like i looked amazing i was like i just want to look like that i think i think i'm nearly ready to watch it you know i'm excited do you have do you talk to curtis at all um do you know what we get on so well and everyone wants us to hate each other and obviously i just did the podcast for all stars i remember someone like commented like should amy be commenting on this series and i'm like what like what if i was slacking him off every night okay i understand but i've actually been quite nice about him yeah then i went out to south africa and did the um the tiktok live stream and the final podcast from there and he is actually my best interview always because i know how far i can wind him up yeah like we have that like mutual like respect for each other yeah everyone wants us to hate each other and we don't so then we're all like come here give me a hug so we actually get on really well that's nice but did he ever apologize for anything or explain why we actually met each other in a nightclub once randomly after love island after love island oh wow and um we sat and had like an hour and a half chat.

20:31Amy Hart:And his brother kept coming over being like, Curtis, you all right? And I was like, you can go if you want. Like, cause I'm always like, you can go, you can go, you can go. You don't need to like, you don't need to stay with me. Don't feel like you have to talk to me if you don't want to. I said, no, no, we spoke for an hour and a half and that was like the best chat. And we talked through a lot of things and stuff. And yeah, it's like, obviously I wish him really well. And like, you know, I've got an amazing husband and a little boy and stuff. And it was, because it's like the thing that people know me for, it is such a massive thing.

20:57but then when you think it was like literally five weeks so yeah you're right I guess when you're in

21:02Amy Hart:there it must feel like so much longer yeah so what I loved about Love Island is seeing everyone get ready yeah like really glammed up the clothes like the all of it so how now that you're a mum do you still well do you as well Hannah do you get dressed up and take time to do that or it's

21:19NPG:just like a quick no it's like as quick as you can get ready I remember being in the hospital when my first my second born was um I'd just given birth and you know you pay like 10 pounds to be able to watch the tv in the NHS hospital it's like this pull down thing and my husband put this money in and um Love Island started that night and I remember so it was a year before you were on and everyone was walking down and I was like I'd just given birth and you know when you're like you've got that kangaroo pouch that was like empty like flattened and I was like oh my god I couldn't watch it there's all these people coming in and I thought to myself I'm never going to look like that I'm never going to have time to get ready ever again so it's like I need to lower my standards about myself um but actually I think it's there's something quite nice about being in a rush as a mum to get ready because your kids are running around you and you're like oh mummy's going out and you're like really excited and you you go and you've probably put like concealer on your lips instead of lip silk and you've got one eyebrow higher than the other and it's a vibe.

22:19NPG:And your hair slicked back yesterday.

22:20Amy Hart:I was like, quick.

22:21NPG:It's intentional.

22:22Amy Hart:It's like, oh, there's a bogey there. Just get rid of it. Well, I'm sort of back in like the Love Island getting ready thing in that obviously I do the podcast. So I have to be fully made up every night because it's filmed now. Yes. So if I've got Stanley with me, he is obsessed with my makeup. Loves a lipstick, loves a beauty blender, loves a brush. Does he love that? And he puts the lipstick on and then he gets like my brush and blends it out. I'm like, okay. I like this. my daughter kind of always comes in when I'm getting ready and and then wants to do my makeup she actually got my lipstick and wrote Emily in her carpet who's her best friend oh and then blamed it on Emily and I was like Emily's not here yeah how do you find hangovers with kids

23:03NPG:the night before my eldest got christened I was like you know he was six months old getting christened all of our friends you know my best mates with a god pair like seven godparents so it's ridiculous isn't it so it's just an excuse to have a party and then the christening was a party so um it was like right come on let's go out and get drunk yeah so we did then we got in at half three and my little boy was up at six so I remember being like oh my god I feel so awful like this is terrible my husband nearly dropped him in front of everyone in the church because he like flung forward my husband's like then we went back to the venue for the christening and I put a really nice playlist on of like a christening playlist so we're all sat there and I saw like all the older family and my best friend was sat there with her daughter and I said oh so what do you want to be when you're old and she's like well I want to do what you do Hannah and I was like oh that's so cute I was a bit cross-eyed and the song um you know he goes I'm such a ho I love it that just came on in the venue and everyone's having afternoon tea hanging out their ass and this song came on I remember like slowly looking up when you're you know when your eyes are all bloodshot and i was like oh my god i will never drink again no and like as a parent obviously that's never happened i've drunk a lot since the kids get older and you need to but that was one

24:22Amy Hart:of the worst the worst oh that's brilliant stanley's christening was christening fest so i did three birthday parties for myself in a row called aims fest um then i couldn't have an aims fest because i just had stanley i think so we had christening fest instead so i literally booked his chrisening before he was even born i was like hi i'm pregnant um can i book a chrisening for bank holiday sunday just so just so that everyone gets and we had like a live singer uh my best friend luke um he used to be a fun star at haven so he does like a party dances set oh we're all like out front of mum and dad's like driveway doing amarillo and i was actually sick at like after the chrisening because i got really drunk but again i had i got drunk twice in 2023 and i was sick both times one time was seven weeks after i had standing i went to barry okey great barry from me senders doing karaoke oh my god stop yeah because he's supposed to be an amazing yeah so obviously i hadn't been out okay we got to the bar and i said oh can i get two large rosé wines please for me my friend and they put them in plastic pint glasses because like the bar we were in so i was like oh can i get two more large wines then put them in i was like can i get two small wines to fill them up to the top so you had a pint of rose each and then my best friend reached over and grabbed two straws oh and then we did a couple of shots tequila rose just to celebrate me back out i feel drunk just thinking about this and i got home and i my husband was sat in the lounge and i got in and i went straight into the downstairs toilet and i was being sick in the sink and um he was like please just be sick in the toilet i was like no i have more control here i have more control i was like it's fine i'll just do this and started picking it up with my hands oh no i'm a mother now watch me into the toilet but obviously none of it went into the toilet oh no and he made me clear it up well yeah yeah well i'm used to my mom doing that but um but yeah the christening was was special but i like the trick is i would say get drunk at family occasions so the christening we stayed over at mum and dad's um so then i my sort of role is i wake up really early when i've had a drink at like 4 a.m so i go out into the garden and start putting all the bottles and stuff into bags because the fresh air four in the morning yeah the fresh air like helps me how do you get up and then i go back to bed and go back to sleep at like 8 a.m are you still drunk probably a little bit wow you do realize this is a stuff that our kids are going to be doing i know older there's always something that we say we're never going to do as mums like before you're before you're a parent and i i've done this and i i'd love to know hopefully i'm not alone here but when i was pregnant with my first um i remember being in a restaurant and there was a couple next to me who had a toddler and they gave her an ipad to watch something whilst they were eating and me and my husband were like sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need from athletic stuff like a full court pickup game swish to athletic stuff like a half mile stroll get those steps in and for morning hikes up the mountain trail good pace to nighttime ghost stories from the camping chair what a twist whatever level of active sierra loves it all head to sierra or sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all from athletic to athletic sierra's got it ever do that ever like just you know enjoy your child well no we did become those people that were like have an ipad i just want to i just want to eat my meal because you are then walking around the pub walking after running after your kid you're not having a conversation yeah you're hating the whole experience please some you've done the same yes but my thing that I always said I'd never do and to be fair it's quite a nice thing and it's probably like a good thing that I do do this when all my friends had kids and they were like you know the Easter bunny display and um elf on the shelf and book advent calendars and this I used to be like it's all commercialized nonsense we never had that we only ever had a stocking and we were fine I'll never do that oh my god it's so awful like now I went out on good friday with my friends i literally like stayed up till two o 'clock in the morning setting up this easter display in our lounge um stanley saw so many um so many uh santa clauses over christmas um i we had one spare day in december because i planned so many things wow so excited i just want to be a magical mom yeah um i did balloons in the lounge for christmas christmas morning why did you i know why do we do these things it's really hard because you're so

28:53NPG:excited and you want your kids to have like a bit more than you had yeah as in like you think well I didn't have a balloon arch or I didn't have my mum and dad weren't over the top with certain things so I want to be a bit over the top and have that because you're having the experience you're on the journey with them aren't you yeah and it's not until you put a picture maybe on Facebook and you realize what a tit you look yeah where it's like why did I do that and my friends are going to be looking at that they're going to screenshot it and send it to each other and be

29:17Amy Hart:like what is she doing I think that's going to be us tomorrow it's my daughter's birthday party she's asked for a barbie themed birthday party yes slightly obsessed my hen do was uh barbie themed well it's a great thing but yeah it's a great but we've my husband and i and my sister i broke my sister and we've all decided to come as barbie and ken yeah um my husband has literally got a ken outfit got a ken wig and i my daughter's even like please don't and we're like no it's gonna be really fun and actually maybe maybe maybe we shouldn't do this how many kids are going like there's 12 kids um they have all got to wear pink um it is a drop off but i have said to the moms if you want to stay i will have prosecco but i don't really know them well i just

30:04NPG:got visions of people dropping dropping kids off and your husband's gonna be stood there like six foot five can like bring your daughter in and be like sorry yeah i might just stay and just see

30:17Amy Hart:how this party i was gonna drop her off i'll just pop in i think that's good though that you give than the option because I've seen a lot of people on TikTok talking about like you know drop off at parties and if you don't know the parents that well and stuff I love a drop off yeah love a drop off it's like free child care yeah that's brilliant I mean you do get that's from motherland isn't it when she's like it's a drop off it's a drop off yeah but I do I mean what we said earlier like I have invited some parents because I love the parents and I want to just have an afternoon just drinking Prosecco with them in the garden it's gonna be lovely weather yeah um see we we had stanley's birthday party this year in like our local workingman's club yeah so everyone was like oh my god soft play and social bar prices like what more could you possibly want like a

30:55NPG:full round for 20 quid isn't it yeah yeah because you pay like an absolute parties ridiculous if you go to a venue and that's one of the reasons why i've always like oh we just have drinks and stuff at our house in a bouncy castle because i'd rather spend 500 quid on hosting food drink drink unlimited for the afternoon for friends then pay for 12 snotty kids that they won't be friends with in two years because half of them they've had problems with anyway and you pay like 500 quid they get a hot dog and some squash and you take the cake and then you leave and you're like i've just spent 500 pounds and i've just had a really awful afternoon would you say you're a

31:33Amy Hart:competitive mom i don't i don't think so i think i'm i think our issue is and i've said it a lot is because Stanley is so tall and has had a big boy haircut from like 13 months we think that he's four oh wow really so I am like why doesn't he understand this like very complex game that I'm playing with him like why doesn't he understand it and our babysitter say to us like you've got to remember he like at this point he's not even two yet the only attention that he really has so from when he was born he's literally watched Sam play darts for like two hours a day is that now he can open the dartboard cupboard yeah and he's like daddy's darts I want to play

32:14NPG:daddy's darts and I'm like no let's play stand he's like no daddy's and he like she like cries big tears well I'd say tantrum wise with my boys was probably like just before covid where they were there's like two not even two years between them and they were both we were in the supermarket and they were both tired we were having some building work done to the house we're in a room and they just it was when I look back I think if I saw another mum in my situation there I'd literally go up to and be like it's okay like you've got this you're okay and I would go up to so that one Bradley was screaming I was carrying him like a surfboard out the shop and I was like sweating and then the other like the Logan he was going mental trying to get out of you know you have the little seat in like a bassinet thing in the trolley he was trying to pull himself out of that I was trying to put the food onto the conveyor belt and my husband was ringing I dropped my phone and it was it was just and Bradley was just on one the elder and it was it was awful and I thought there is nothing that I did on the way there or there was nothing that I was doing it was just a concoction of like they were tired I was a bit hormonal and it was like is this is this forever like is this my life now because you genuinely stand there and think people are looking at me the lady was like oh someone's hungry oh dear they're not very happy are they and i thought rather than me being like and shouting at them because that's not my style and i wanted to i just carried bradley out like a surfboard i pushed logan in yeah left half the shopping and she was like is the rest of that yours and i was like no can i just take that stuff and just leave yeah and i thought in that moment this the lady the cashier was just really judgy with me

33:54Amy Hart:i can't bear it when that happens like there's no need for the judginess like yeah no one wants to be in a public space with your kids having a meltdown it is awful it's horrendous and it always

34:04NPG:does seem to happen in a public place and it's like snot everywhere and they're like as if you've hurt them and you're like i literally i've just let you eat food as we've walked around the shop that i hadn't yet paid for which i think it's probably a bit illegal to be honest oh we do that all the time i have a pringle i have a pringle yeah i always i used to get salami when i was a

34:20Amy Hart:kid we used to go like going to supermarket straight to the deli counter and mum would get me like a like a thing of like even when they used to cut it on the machine yeah thing of salami and then I'd sit and eat my packet of salami walking around the shop.

34:31NPG:So my mum's Scottish and she'd be like, excuse me, can I have some turkey on your bun, please? The guy would be like, sorry? So I'd be like, she means turkey on bun. Turkey on your bun. So my mum would give us some turkey and we'd be walking around the supermarket. But we weren't allowed to have grapes because obviously they weigh them. And then that would be like you've stolen it. You didn't know the actual amount. So it's something with a monetary amount on it. And my dad was a policeman. So you can tell it's like a careful danger,

34:56Amy Hart:but eat that and shut your face. we had on a plane i think the first proper tantrum was on a plane and we traveled quite a lot in the first year and i was like i don't know why people say that traveling with babies is hard this is so easy like when he was like six weeks old i was like of course this is easy yeah yeah and now i'm like i say to people all the time like go on holiday as much as you can in the first year i was like because after that like you don't want to be on a plane with your child no no um cruises out of southampton only after that there's like a there's like a a time scale i think between like maybe 18 months and i would say three and a half four is like don't just just expect the worst when

35:30NPG:you're on an airplane when they communicate isn't it and you're like we have to sit down you have to put the seatbelt on they're like no you're like no annabelle like we because we've got a flight in a few weeks with her and she's two she's two tomorrow and i know what the flight's going to be like my two boys are always dressed in like bright colors like high vis for the airport bright orange bright green and like one of them i got to the stage way instead of just looking to see where they were i'd be like where are they because they'd have climbed something and you just like please stop doing then my six-year-old just licks handrails in the lifts at airports and then annabelle will be having a tantrum we'll get on the plane and you can't have a hot drink because they're like hotter than the sun aren't they on the plane like really hot hotter than a kettle would boil and then you're like i can't sit and have a gin and tonic could i it's eight in the morning need it you can yeah you can it's airport time isn't it um and you just think why

36:21Amy Hart:bother why didn't we just stay at home and then your husband's asleep next in the seat next to you and you're like four rows back kidding yeah i am you still parent on a plane and yet here we are doing everything like do you want coloring books and do you want this and like yeah oh my god it just doesn't end and then they're kicking the seat in front of them and the person in front going excuse me can you tell your kid to stop and i'm like i'm trying i'm trying so they're like

36:43NPG:Excuse me. I know it's difficult traveling with kids. A woman said this to me once. She was like, but can you ask your little boy to stop kicking my chair? And I was about to be like, he's not kicking your chair. And I looked down, I was like, oh, for God's sake. And Bradley's like, ooh, ooh.

36:57Amy Hart:As he's playing on his iPad that I said my kids would never use. When I'm on a plane now, like now he's a bit bigger and stuff. Whereas when he was a baby, I was like, if you want a bottle, that's fine. You had one now, I go, if you want another one, that's fine. I've put you in a metal tube. So that's on me. um so if you want a snack you may have a snack um but now i'm just like cool like so what do you want to do like do you want to watch telly do you want to play with these toys and i'm like i will forfeit like watching a film and stuff obviously um i was like but you know what what do you want

37:27NPG:to do you're just such a i've only like met you today but you just seem like such a nice mum like you genuinely have his interests at heart like his best interests and you think what will be fun for him and like a lot of people be like yeah i'm busy working i've got this and this is my career but you're very much like oh I explained to him I take him out and I do this and do that and some of the stuff you said today I'm like you're such a better mom than I am honestly because you're like you give him choices I don't I don't give my kids choices I probably give him too many choices

37:55Amy Hart:like when my friend said about tantrum she's like if I give her the wrong bowl she'll just go crazy and I was like should just Stanley do that and I'm like and she was like you get all the bowls out don't you and i was like maybe oh do you like i line them all up but i'm like so darling like he's like lift my up and orange which one do you want so we've got the mickey mouse christmas one obviously it's not christmas but if you want it you can have it we've got the peter rabbit one we've got the toy story one i'm not feeling peppa pig yeah no no no okay that's fine um that might go out the window with the children you have this is the thing i i'm very like i have one child at the moment um i feel like as well i obviously i've never shied away from the fact that i do have a lot of help child care wise um through sort of like formal child care settings and my mum and dad are amazing um my sort of all my friends love stanley so much like my auntie is amazing she doesn't have any grandchildren yet so stanley is like you know yeah top dollar um and i have and then we have like our babysitters that are really helpful as well that means that i do have the time and the mental capacity and stuff to be doing all my life and just to be with him in that moment

39:02NPG:yeah well thank you so much for being here today it's been amazing to have you in here not that many parenting fails you seem to have sorry yeah you've got it all together I love it I admire that because I wish I was more like you yes but I probably don't have as much time to fail

39:16Amy Hart:that's do I mean like probably the amount of time I spend with Stanley is probably a lot less well I love it though and thanks so much for coming on the podcast

39:25NPG:Amy Hart. Amy Hart. Thank you. Now this is your safe space for parents to realise you're not alone in this madness. And speaking of which, we've got some of our parental fails. This is one of my favourite bits because it makes me realise that everything I do during the week is probably not a little bit normal as a mum. I've got this first one in. Someone looked at me while I was sleep deprived. I'm getting that aggressive kind of mum vibe, holding my screaming baby and said you know the days are long but the years are short i was so angry sleep deprived and in mum rage that i delivered a full monologue about how that person could keep their instagram quote and shove it oh i love it have people done that to you where they say things yeah my well my

40:10Amy Hart:mom's one of them she's like just take it all in and i'm like well you know what when i ask you to babysit you say no so you take it all in or you let my daughter cut a fringe off exactly yeah exactly yeah exactly while you're drinking wine you were drinking wine and my daughter cut her own hair and now she looks like she has a ball patch well yes she looks dodgy i had to say the least a lady

40:33NPG:once said to me when i was at the airport annabelle was screaming and she was about four months old and this uh woman came like physically walked up to me and she was like excuse me i've just bred breast and bread fedder i had bread fedder i didn't give her bread she was four months old the health visits are killing me um i said i literally just breastfed her and uh she was like i think she's hungry oh my god that drives me and this woman was about 50 and i genuinely thought like she doesn't know you she doesn't know me no she couldn't even see annabelle in like the little car seat that we're in so irritating so i feel i feel i feel for that you don't the days are long the years are short well the the the days feel really yeah the days are long actually actually

41:15Amy Hart:They are long. Yes, we've all been there. Right, I've got this one coming. Had a Saturday morning off to myself. Wonderful. No baby, no schedule. Lovely. Thought, I'll go to the gym. But then cut to me in the McDonald's car park, inhaling two chicken burgers, a large chips and a milkshake, then falling asleep in the driver's seat. Woke up to a stranger tapping on the window, asking if I was okay. Thought that was rock bottom until the£60 parking fine came in a month later. Oh my God. Oh my God. She's literally gone and stuffed her face and fallen asleep in Mackeys. But do you know what? She was probably, I mean, again, that's a form of self-care.

42:00Amy Hart:She's that relaxed. She's like, I've got no one to look after. I'm going to have McDonald's and then fall asleep. I mean, you know, it is McDonald's, but you know.

42:10NPG:Oh, they do some great stuff. But they do. I wonder if she reclined a chair or if she couldn't even be asked to do that she just literally was

42:17Amy Hart:like I mean the fact that someone knocked in the window was like are you okay I'm I've got visions of her like slumped over the steering wheel kind of like dribbling dribbling yeah I was 60 pound parking fine I like what's that McDonald's really well devastated I wonder what her husband said or

42:31NPG:her partner said I see a few mums at the school gates not at the school gates asleep but as in the car park and they're the mums that will get there really early and if it's a hot day and you think you've probably been at work early doors and you finished earlier so you can come and pick your kids up and it's hot and you see them asleep and it's like i what a great idea great idea as

42:51Amy Hart:long as you set your alarm and not get a 60 pound fine no that's fantastic but being woken up by a knock on the window that will startle you as well wouldn't it especially if the guy was really fit

43:00NPG:like oh my god sorry i just just how long have i been sitting long enough to get that's a long time that's over two hours isn't it well to get a parking fine you've got to be there yeah for for a while fantastic i'm gonna try that tomorrow i don't have any saturday mornings off to myself though um so my teenager started secondary school and i was emotional and proud until day three when they told me my outfit was embarrassing and i wasn't allowed to speak near the school gates i went from proud parent to uber driver with a license to not exist oh my god hormones hit like a hurricane and i missed the days when their biggest tantrum was about the toast being cut

43:35Amy Hart:wrong the grass is always greener oh I can actually really relate to that having a teenager he went on this uh this trip he was like don't talk to me don't look at me don't touch me nothing oh and I was like but I'm not going to see for a whole week I can't even communicate like no phones nothing yeah and uh I I walked back to the car feeling like I'd been dumped like I was like I pushed you out of my vagina and now you're saying that I can't even hug you yeah yeah so I get it it's just their age it'll come around it will come back i do wonder what this woman was wearing

44:09NPG:though well there is that because there are you do see the what were you wearing she might have had a camel toe and a bra might have been beige and unhinged like you just you don't know do you

44:21Amy Hart:yeah that's good but she should have maybe made it clear what she was wearing yeah because if

44:24NPG:she's just wearing like leggings and a t-shirt that's fine universal month guys isn't it if

44:29Amy Hart:she's dressed like barbie how i will be i want to see pictures of this i think i want to see pictures of your husband oh I'm very excited about the husband as Ken he showed me a picture

44:38NPG:of his wig that's what on Amazon you need to see on the ring doorbell of the people's reactions

44:42Amy Hart:when they arrive to your house yes I'm actually excited to see my husband as a blonde interesting

44:47NPG:with more hair and then you can have a bath later and uh yeah keep the wig on her might like the

44:52Amy Hart:willy flap once a year is an occasion someone's birthday uh right moving on from the willy flaps you know when the house goes silent and you think either they're asleep or committing a crime yes we've all been there mine found a permanent marker oh no and used it to draw tattoos on himself the wall and the sofa oh gosh I walked in and it was just him covered in black swirls like a punk rocker beaming with pride like mummy do you like my work no darling I don't like your work I liked my security deposit oh no oh no permanent marker they find the pens yeah they don't get them yeah i hide them and they find them and then furniture beds it's everywhere frames my my daughter it was our 10 year wedding anniversary party a lovely party at home and my daughter comes out and she'd found a black sharpie pen and drawn herself like a ridiculous moustache so i had to deal with that whilst trying to host my friends for our anniversary party.

45:56Amy Hart:And how did you get that off? Well, I just left it on for a while. I just took her to school like that. Because I was just like, there you go. Two weeks later. I felt, you know, because you felt like you have to scrub it.

46:03NPG:Yeah, yeah.

46:04Amy Hart:And then she was, she didn't like it. I didn't like it. And I was like, do you know what? You can just go to school with a moustache. Although again, I read something today. I was just scrolling on Instagram. Hacks, how to get black marker off carpets, walls. And I actually saved it. Maybe I should let everyone know. But it's... Don't buy them. Just don't buy Sharpie pens. just don't buy black markers basically absolutely is there a product to use though because there is apparently can't remember what it is right um i can come back to you on that one but there is a way to get it all off but uh yeah black marker pens and kids it's never a good combination but no we do love all the all the dms that come in yeah love them keep them coming keep them coming keep them coming and you know what don't hold back like there's no judgment this is a safe space we find it hilarious don't we yeah in fact the crazier the better we want to hear everything because you know so we're running this together we've probably done it we've probably done it

47:00NPG:hey guys if you are enjoying no parental guidance don't forget to like and subscribe for more content i'll serve with an trush for more content Let's try it. Let's try it. Let's try it.

47:11Amy Hart:Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

47:17Amy Hart:Class is now in session. And the UPS Store is here to help you ace arriving on campus. Our certified packing experts can pack everything you need, from desktops to decor. Plus, when you pack and ship with us, you get our exclusive pack and ship guarantee. Your items arrive safe or your money back. restrictions and limitations apply to get a 20 % off packing coupon and for full details visit the ups store.com slash packing

From the publisher

From Love Island to nursery runs – Amy Hart joins NPG to talk motherhood without the filters. She opens up about freezing her eggs at 28, falling pregnant by surprise, and the soft-play chaos of life with a toddler. Glam, honest, and totally relatable – this is motherhood, Amy-style.

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