Angela Scanlon's biggest mum fails

0:00Hey friends, Olivia from OLLI. Between new routines and the ultimate group project known as parenting, you need science-backed solutions that work with your life. That's where OLLI comes in. Start your mornings off right with Maltese made to support nutrition and immune health. Choose from our lineup of gut-supporting probiotics, and we've got occasional sleep support to help the whole fam chase their big dreams. Head back to class with the number one gummy supplement brand. Stock up on OLLI.com today. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

0:30Coming up, he's three months old, he needs to learn how to swim. 100 metre freestyle by four months. You have to hold the baby and you're kind of like shuffling them around the water. Oh, this is really fun. This is not fun. Well, you're there with a nip on, like absolutely freezing. I told my son if he won on sports day, I gave him a 10 out of it. Did he win? No, he came fourth. He was like, do I get 10 pounds? I was like, you get nothing. Our first ever guest is Angela Scanlon. Hello. I'm so honoured. Oh my God, we're so honoured. Did you beat yourself at all on the street? Yeah. Did you? Yeah.

0:58And I was so embarrassed and I was also so afraid because I was like, oh my God, what if this happens on the show?

1:11We're here. We're here. I can't believe it. We're finally here in this lovely living room. I know. Which is much tidier than my own house. Well, that's the first thing we said when we came in. We're like, where's all the mess? Like, why is there not food splattered across the floor? I know. And I'm sure there should be stuff under the sofa and all sorts. Maybe that's to come. Yeah, and we've actually like brushed our hair today. We are kid free. You pee on? I know. Crazy. I still smell a vomit. My daughter vomited in my hair earlier on, but a lady brushed it out for me, so it's fantastic. But this is really exciting to be here with you.

1:41Yeah. No parental guidance. Between us, we've got six children ranging from toddlers to teens. Yeah. I feel like we've seen it all. We have. We're experiencing it all. I kind of, I wish there was something like this when I had, I mean, my little girls won, but I wish there was something that I could maybe just listen to to be like oh my god everything I do is actually normal we're all in this together it's a journey this is a safe space we're going to be sharing things that we probably haven't even shared before all the mistakes I make you never seem to see any of that on social media it's all the perfect parenting it's like either I'm doing it really badly or everybody's not talking about it no I totally agree when I first became a mum I felt like I was doing everything wrong I wasn't on social media I my friends hadn't had children and then the only person that I could kind of relate to who had a baby at the same time as me was Beyonce you know really set in the bar higher and her life looked great looked perfect and I was there just going I I'm struggling and then my NCT lot were not particularly that honest they were saying that everything was perfect um their baby slept and their partner's amazing and one day I was just like you know what I must be failing because my baby doesn't sleep and I want to staple things to my husband's head and then they were like yeah me too me too I'm like guys come on let's be honest like parenting's really hard yeah but anyway we're so happy to be here because we have had many parenting fails yeah um which are normal it's okay to fail it's okay we are all in this together let's go parenting fell you start I don't know if I want to tell you this story or not if I'm honest it's so embarrassing give it to me so I was in a supermarket the other day and my daughter now she's because it's been so hot she's not wearing a vest and then a top and a shorts yeah just wearing the top and shorts but she likes to pull at a nappy all the time and the pull-up nappies that she kind of tears at the side and she's quite strong so we're in the supermarket and she was going wee-wees wee-wees and I was like yeah yeah you've done a wee and then she was like oh poo poo and I was like oh god don't do it and I was like obviously I've left the nappy bag at home and she managed to rip the side of a nappy and I was like I don't have another nappy I was near the toilet so I don't know why I went into the toilet and I had this idea I took my thong off and I wrapped I put my thong onto her and like tied the side now this was like a beige thong that's done 20 rounds in the washing machine it's been in with jeans there was no beigeness to it it was just discolored right so I tied it in like a knot to hold the nappy in place and as I was going around I thought what if somebody can see that she's got a thong on top of a nappy what if I see somebody that I know so yeah I walked to through the checkout and everything and you know and you see like hiya you're right yeah great day thank you I think you can hide my daughter's beige thong and then um I got to the car and I was like why didn't I just buy a pack canapes in the shop why did I not do that it's wrong with me yep yep I had a parenting fail that happened yesterday with my daughter who's five so I picked her up from school yesterday and the teacher her teacher kind of beckoned me over and um I don't know this teacher very well even though I am class rep but I do a very bad job so I think she always you know she's already like frowning upon me anyway and um she said so after lunch we couldn't find your daughter um she went missing for 15 minutes so then I'm like oh my god and then the teacher said we found her with her best friend behind the bike shed wow and I just went were they smoking and then realized wrong audience yeah and the teacher was like no of course they weren't smoking and I was like well I know that they won't smoke I don't actually think my five-year-old would grab a cigarette and light up behind a bike shed but that's what I did and then I started to explain like well I did that when I was 13 14 but because the caretaker gave it to me and like I think he had a crush on me and I was like Louise just stop talking stop talking and I was like I'm sorry you go and she was just like well we you need to have a word with her because you can't hide behind the bunk shed like it's like no she can't but in my head I was like Louise you've just talked about smoking with a five-year-old yeah and then my daughter said because obviously she had me having this conversation with the teacher we get home and she said mommy when I grow up I want to be a smoker oh god and I was just like of all the things that you could say when you want to be a smoker I don't recommend it that was great that was yesterday and then you looked in the garden and she's there with a fag and a blue wicked my mum said this is what we're doing our house yeah another parenting fell when my my eldest when my first born i kind of got the panic of like he has he has to learn how to swim he has to learn how to swim he's three months old he needs to learn how to swim 100 meter freestyle by four months like he couldn't crawl he needs to learn how to swim yeah so we took him to swimming lessons and i was just so like it was so stressful yeah like you don't need to take your baby to swimming lessons at three months old you just don't just put them in the bath put them in the bath yeah yeah so we um took him to the swimming lessons and didn't have the right nappy the swimming nappy so then I put on a normal nappy which when you put in water just goes yeah it goes massive so then you know you kind of get the side looks and everything and then you know when you're you have to hold the baby and you're kind of like shuffling them around the water oh this is really fun it's not fun well you're there with a nip on like absolutely freezing like I'm having a great time in my costume with spider legs hanging out oh god all of it because the worst thing about the swimming pools is there is like pubic hair and phlegm diluted with water and urine like every all over the floor and when you've got a baby that age and there's one of the changing pull down things somebody's using that that's organized and she's maybe had two kids so she knows she's got her stuff together she knows what she's doing so you then have to think well i can't put them on the side on the bench so I'm gonna have to put you on a towel on the floor covered in this stuff everywhere while you quickly get changed it's yeah yeah and you're freezing and you're always got like your back is wet underneath your boobs are wet because they've sagged a bit and you forget to dry that bit because it's new after having a baby and you're doing like you forget to dry and then you try and pull your leggings on your maternity leggings and they ain't going on because they just stuck to like the bottom part of your leg and oh it's just it's not a nice experience it's not and it and it continues when you take kids swimming lessons until you know my um my middle child's nine he still has swimming lessons and it's just it never gets nicer the swimming lessons anyway so each week we are going to be joined by a fabulous guest on the podcast who's going to be hopefully as open and honest as us and we can't wait to hear all their tales on parenting tales and fails yeah i think yes i want to like kind of really find out like with these celebrities.

8:38How do they do it on a morning, get the kids ready for school, breakfast, book, how are they doing this stuff? Do they have it all together? Yeah. Hey friends, Olivia from Oli. Between new routines and the ultimate group project known as parenting, you need science-backed solutions that work with your life. That's where Oli comes in. Start your mornings off right with Maltese made to support nutrition and immune health. Choose from our lineup of gut-supporting probiotics, and we've got occasional sleep support to help the whole fam chase their big dreams. Head back to class with the number one gummy supplement brand.

9:07Stuck up on Oli.com today. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. I hope not. I hope not as well. Let's find out.

9:20Well, this is so exciting. Our first ever guest is Angela Scanlon. Hello. I'm so honoured. Oh my God, we're so honoured. We're delighted to have you here. Honestly, this is amazing and so overdue, this space to just like vomit the contents of our minds. Rants, yes, to know that we are all in this together. And this is why we're delighted to have you here because we really want to know, have you got your stuff together? I have, I'm the furthest from togetherness. Thank God. I feel normal now. Honestly, no, it's a shit show. Every day is a shit show. And that's just inside my mind. And obviously that is reflected in my life.

10:00But I've maybe made peace with that. I feel like initially my eldest daughter is seven, my youngest is three. Seven, the expectations I had on myself to have it all together were wild. Yeah. And so I think I've just, maybe I've just dropped my expectations. Yeah, I was going to say, have you lowered your standards? I think I've lowered my standards. Just relaxed a bit more where it's like you can't do everything. So something's got to give. I mean, I think we're of a generation where we are aware for the first time and in a very luxurious position somewhat where we know all of the faults of our parents and we're determined not to like recreate them.

10:41But actually I know that I certainly felt foul to this when I first had my daughter, I was like, never, ever. I read Philippa Perry's book once and I thought I've got this down. How to, the book your parents wish you had and your kids will be glad you do. And so it talked about the parent, the job of the parent. I mean, multifaceted as it was, but you know, it's one book. So she says about the parent being an emotional container for the children. And that's psychologically the predominant job of the parent. And so I was like, OK, I couldn't contain my own emotions, never mind anyone else's. And so, but I took this role very seriously.

11:20Then I realised my husband could kind of, you know, be human. He could let rip every so often. He could kind of, you know, just be a bit more normal, I suppose. And I would be literally like through gritted teeth saying, I understand your fury. I understand you're feeling very frustrated in this moment. Am I really trying to mirror back all of these things? And I thought, I think she likes him more, you know, and that's f***ing. infuriating and then I unpacked it I was like because underneath like very close to the surface was all of this like the the kind of madness of normal feelings that I just was afraid to let her see which she could obviously feel yeah something was a bit off and even in the kind of volatility of like shouting or losing your temper she knew oh right okay oh yeah she knew that that was a truthful expression rather than this sort of clipped patience and you think that's kind of what your parents may have done like my parents would just shout at me tell me they're disappointed tell me not to do it again wouldn't do it again these days it's like explain your feelings have a discussion about the gentle parenting because you just smashed a window with a football that I asked you not to kick you little d*** yeah you little it's like honestly we're all happy i'm happy i'm smiling i'm not unhinged this is okay but it's so hard but it's so hard like how do you deal with that your schedule with everything you've done in your career and you're obviously very busy how do you deal with parenting like what is it like when you you left the house today had the kids had their breakfast were they on their way to school did you have to sort everything like how how are you keeping it all together barely my god i mean hanging by a thread but i feel like that's the new normal and it doesn't last forever and i think maybe that's what you learn quickly is that the stages don't last forever good and bad you know and that there's always something new and you just get into a little groove and something else hits you around the head and is it chaos for you getting them ready for school there's no uniform in amazing my daughter's school you say that which actually adds a factor like because it's a new outfit every day right yeah I mean look she wears whatever is close to hand but she won't she there are certain things that I will really want her to wear because I bought them for her to wear and they will look nice on but if I hint at any sort of favouritism towards a striped she will wear it she's not going to wear it she is never going to wear that again and she will wear the same skanky ass leggings which reflects on me I'm like babe The leggings are now Pedal pushers And it's not a stylistic choice The younger one She goes to forest school So she's out and about all day Oh I love that It's quite good actually At getting dressed And I Stopped really I joke I stopped trying to manage What they wear So I'm like What do you want to wear And it could It can go either way There are certain times When I'm like I lay out the clothes And there is a bit of Manipulation Negotiation To that and sometimes it's just downright threat.

14:30Wear the goddamn dress or we're not going for lunch. Whatever it might be. But by and large, I will say, like, fill your boots. If you want to wear a tutu to forest school, go for it. If you want to wear a GAA kit, which is the current favourite, it's a Gaelic Athletics Association. It's as polyester as it sounds. Lovely. And so she inherited it from her cousin and so it is, you know, kind of exotic in the way Zara used to be. Yeah, I kind of just, think fine there's no point in me telling her express yourself push back do what you want to do and then me micromanaging her work it's kind of at odds with what I'm trying to create what I want for them is for them to like question everything and have their own mind how did you manage it all when you were strictly I didn't i i mean there's a lot to manage aside from two bit my youngest was 18 months wow wow so my eldest would have been well there's four years in the difference so and like your hormones at that point yeah i like would be all of it all over the place still all over the shop so it it was a lot and i think i didn't really anticipate in my head i was like 18 months yeah yeah i'm not feeding her anymore it's like well it's like a show on a saturday isn't it you don't have to do all the training in between exactly that was that and you can kind of seduce yourself into believing that you could do pick up and drop off and then nip out and do a little samba it's got visions of you and your sequins like right she's done a poo okay change your nappy yeah dropping like glitter everywhere yeah it was a lot you know and yeah hormonally um the old pelvic floor was under pressure on the Charleston week.

16:16I was going to ask. Yeah, how? Because I think, you know, I'd be sponsored by Tenor Lady if I ever did it because I would just be like... Yeah, it's a real thing. Yeah. And also, like, people don't talk a lot about pelvic floor health. In France, I remember in my NCT group, first time around, there was a French woman and she was like, I'm going to the physio. I was like, what happened? She said, for my... Up there. And I was like, what do you mean? and they all like it's obligatory post-birth in France that you you have I think six weeks physiotherapy internal physiotherapy yeah for them to yeah yeah why don't we have that that would be really helpful I had to pay a woman to come to my house a pelvic health physiotherapist and I'd only read it because I think it was Gemma Atkinson that I saw at 2am when I was breastfeeding before I bought something on Amazon Prime which I can't remember like a bottle top opener or something like that a squeezy ball yeah something that I really needed um and I remember seeing a pelvic health physiotherapist and I was like what's that two days later I've got a newborn my parents are at the house and my two boys she came in to do this like assessment on me and obviously she was like right we'll just do the internal assessment now and I was like sorry what and at that point I was like laid on my back on the floor you know she was doing a finger in me doing this assessment and I turned around and my dad was like Hannah do you want a cup of tea and he like looks and was like oh Christ what are you doing I was like dad like there's a woman with the fingers inside me in the sitting room and I know this is a weird concept for you Paul but I'm just trying to see so don't wet myself in a few months and like I paid this woman quite a lot of money to come around to my house and do that and it worked it really it definitely helped um she gave me like a program and I was like yeah I was just gonna say I don't think it's a quick finger on the floor you know you're like yeah it was brilliant I think I think she was a physio she was called Candace and she put around did you pee yourself at all on Strictly?

18:09yeah did you? yeah I think I would have peed myself anyway to be honest but yeah I did I remember doing rehearsals for the Charleston and it was quite a spicy number and like there was a lot of hop in it as there is in that but ours was particularly bouncy I remember Anton or somebody referring to me as like Tigger I was quite you know jumpy and yeah I did the rehearsal and I remember Carlos being like what happened there and I was too embarrassed because we were three weeks in at that point I didn't know him well enough to be like I just wet myself and I was so embarrassed and I was also so afraid because I was like oh my god what if this happens on the show because it's a lot to like manage that while also managing your steps and also managing all of that stuff but I will say you know it's it's pretty solid nay so it was you know it's that though when it starts like if you're doing a live show when you start to wee yourself it's almost like you can't stop it when it's that like because the muscles are just like just dispersed and gone somewhere yeah yeah what is your recent or any parenting fails we'd love to know well i mean i can't remember anything frankly so it's more of a life fail.

19:27But I would say this week, I missed sports day. Oh God, it's sports day, isn't it? It's bloody time of the year. This time of year. They whack everything in. School trips, like raffles, tombolas. Collecting money for the teachers, which I'm in charge of. Like all of the stuff all at once and everybody's birthday is on. It's like, it's chaos. But sports day, it's quite a thing in our house you know are you a competitive mum I'm no I'm a competitive human I'm fine with her I'm like no but I did I I have one if I think that you did the race not this week because I missed it are you gutted about that I I actually felt really sad I felt like I had a podcast recording for my own podcast which was unmovable and all I could imagine was my little girl who is really competitive kind of looking as she does and then their little thumbs up but not finding me so we you know had the conversation and she was prepared and I was like look you know resilience that's what we're after and how did she take it she won yes gone see that's the resilience that's the resilience that's all that matters how much did she win by are we talking not enough frankly but it was a close call did you get the splits it was a close call two of the contenders for next year for the sack race come on then kids get training which she did so last year when she did it she did the egg and spoon and she did the entire egg and spoon race with her thumb on top of the egg and she's like eye on the prize she crossed the line first so who's going to question that exactly there's no what do you call that VAR we need that but she as she was leaving the house my husband I could hear him saying best of luck today and I thought you know that's great he's acknowledged the thing she's in her gear out you go and then I heard him and he kind of dropped his voice a little bit the volume went down and he said eyes on the finish line don't let anyone distract you don't be looking around don't look at anyone else and he was like coaching her from afar and I saw video evidence and she did not look around she was like a little horse with blinkers good girl beautiful job and how did you reward her?

21:43did you do anything special? she got a sticker no god no oh no I told my son if he won on sports day I gave him a tenner really? Oh, I think bribery's good. Oh, there's a mum at school. She really irritates me. And her son is, he was the other contender to beat my son. Did he win? No, he came fourth. He was like, do I get 10 pounds? I was like, you get nothing. You get a quarter off that. I said, you get nothing. Yeah, first on nothing. Not even podium position prizes this year. So you're very competitive, are you? Just like, yeah, I think maybe I am. Maybe I... By not you mean, when it's sometimes it's against certain other parents, you think, I will bring you down.

22:17And I know that this other kid had been training to beat my son so I was like how old's your son he's eight okay start him young girl yeah absolutely but I do think sometimes I slightly have an issue with this everybody gets a medal like that's not real life either I understand that it's fostering everybody matters and everybody there's space for everybody but one person gets a job in an interview right yeah so you need to build that resilience yes and have that disappointment to know what it's like to work that bit harder to achieve yeah but But also to like have awareness of your limitations.

22:50Like if you're running, you don't get a medal. I actually, this is a bit of a parenting fail in huge public. I was asked to judge a dance show, like a dance school. And sorry, what are your qualifications for that? Moving on from that question. And so I had to like judge these kids that I don't know and give them medals. And there were enough medals for everyone. but I did what you said I was like well you know I just want to give medals out to the people that win all the girls are so we're on stage and everyone's on stage I'm giving out the medals and there are yeah this was a huge huge parenting felt in front of every single parent of that school I'm on stage with the entire dance class and I've given that medals to the people that I thought were the best dancers with my no experience of knowing what I'm talking about and then I got heckled by the parents in the audience what about my kid and I wanted to say well they were shit they don't deserve a medal two left feet love like you're in the wrong industry like don't be obviously I didn't say that so in the end I had I grabbed the medals and I gave everyone a medal on the stage that everyone got one and then you had other mums going well why have they got medal now now you've kind of taken away the joy that my kid got from winning an actual medal and I was just like I'm never doing this ever again because I think that well when I was at school if you didn't win a race maybe I got a sticker but if you did win you got the medal you got the glory you deserved it but yeah everyone now gets a medal so it's like how do you know when you've actually you don't need to try and you'll still get a medal and I think that's um actually quite dangerous to instill in kids that like whatever yeah you can It doesn't matter.

24:41Yeah. It doesn't matter. And, you know, not that they're like carried on a string, but like there should be reward for excellence or for at least attempting to move in that direction. It's an unrealistic thing to, like a bar to set, as you say, there's one job. And, you know, people find their way. They might not be the best at running, but they'll have, you know, they can find other ways. But if they think they're all right at running because they got a stupid medal, like a pity medal. Yes. No, no one wants a pity medal. Nobody wants that. No, no, no. I was absolutely fuming this year because my son is the reigning sack race champion, the eight-year-old.

25:16Okay. So this is a big thing in our family. And this year, instead of standing at the start line with a sack around you, ready to go when the gun goes, you know, go on the go. They said the sack had to be on the floor. The kids had to sit on top of the sack. Then they said go. Then they had to stand up and get into the sack. We haven't practiced that in the garden. What sort of chance did we know we hadn't? I was like, what sort of chances Bradley got? You know, we haven't practiced a transition here. And I saw the PE teacher and I said to my husband, I was like, this is a new rule. And he was like, well, I don't think Bradley's going to be able to do the transition very well.

25:51And I was like, what is a kid's sack race? Like, what is going on? And I was like, we need to just calm down here. My husband was like, listen, it's fine. And he came second. I was like, it's OK that you've come second. But next year, you know, we'll try a little bit harder. mess up the sack racing little punk yeah so we're going to practice for next year now you mentioned that strictly was worse than childbirth i need i need to know what you mean i mean it needs a bit of context uh basically what i said was the pain of raw blisters is worse than any pain i felt how many hours were you training a day for strictly like a loss um you know there was a bit of eating and stretching and chatting but you know it was like a full-time job you're eight hours in a training room I would say on average yeah um so yeah it's all it's all consuming and genuinely your feet are not ready but mine certainly weren't I like an airy heal it's all about the summer you know and um I got wild blisters like infected blisters that keep going and going on those well you have to you can't not so you can practice in your socks but you're going to be dancing in a shoe which is infinitely different in terms of the rise and the fall yeah we want to get technical and um so there's literally no time for uh the blisters to heal yeah so um yeah I mean I don't know that it's technically comparable to childbirth but yeah it was sore tell me about your best story please I love I love hearing which one oh both like the worst bits of both okay so I had like two opposite end birth stories so first time around I actually attempted to go like the gentle birth method.

27:47Like hypnobirthing or at home. Although, you know, I was so arrogant that I didn't actually listen to the hypnotapes. I just thought I had done a bit of mindfulness. Yeah, but you can say it and it sounds great with a baby shower. Exactly. I want to be like in the zone, right? So I had, I was very resolute in the fact that I was not having. Hey friends, Olivia from Oli. Between new routines and the ultimate group project known as parenting, you need science-backed solutions that work with your life. That's where Oli comes in. Start your mornings off right with Maltese made to support nutrition and immune health.

28:20Choose from our lineup of gut-supporting probiotics. And we've got occasional sleep support to help the whole fam chase their big dreams. Head back to class with the number one gummy supplement brand. Stock up on Oli.com today. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Pain relief. Yeah. We do this to ourselves, by the way. I know. I genuinely think I, there was a girl I was in college with who damaged her shoulder playing hockey because she had a cortisone injection at like 15 for some county final.

28:53And I remember thinking that's because your shoulder shouldn't have been doing that. And it was too numb for you to realise your limits. So I was like, if they'd numb me, I don't know how like much I'm, I can't control it. Right. So I'm a control freak, I think is ultimately what it boils down to. So I was like, OK, gas and air hit me with that puppy. Anyway, I'm at home. I worked right up until the wire, right up until the wire. And then I had time off two weeks. Like I had convinced myself that I was going to go two weeks over based on absolutely nothing. So I had big plans for like a Sunday brunch.

29:34I had a massage plan for the following week, yada, yada, yada. Anyway, my first night at home on my like off period before the baby came, I lay down in the bath. I also had a curry. I went like all in. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then I went to bed. But whatever happened between the bath and the bed, I had decided that, no, actually, this I don't think is happening. I'm not ready for this. And I've got brunch on Sunday. And so I was in total denial. But I also had the TENS machine. You know, it was a real heady mix. I called the midwife when I realised, like, I think we're on. And I said to her, I'm pretty sure we're like, there's something cooking here.

30:19And she said, OK, let's have a little chat on the phone. And she then realised when I couldn't talk how, what the distance was between the contractions. And she's like, you need, you need to get in a taxi. I was 45 minutes away from the thing. So I was in the taxi. I was in labour. I didn't realise I was in labour. And when I got in there, I was eight centimetres dilated. Oh my gosh. Eight centimetres. That's impressive. Wow. So, but then it was like being in this blue **** studio. These blue **** lights, it was all, suddenly I was like, oh my God. So she said to me, you're eight centimetres. I said, what does that mean?

30:53She's like, you're going to have a baby. And I said, what do you mean? When? She was like, well, imminently. And I said, f***, basically. And then everything kind of slowed down. and it was all, I would say it was not the cutest labour. I was in a bath that was not ready. I was supposed to be in the birthing suite, but it all happened too quick. The bath wasn't ready. I had to go up on the top floor. I had to stand around while they're filling up the bath. Anyway, then the bath got cold. I had to get out. I had to sit on this little undignified stool with one edge off it. Anyway, it was a show, literally.

31:27And... Say that curry from the night before. I bet that showed its face, didn't it? I mean I don't want to think about that but thank you I then so that was it had the baby whatever happened happened she's still here but I really felt what I realised afterwards was that I didn't say a word so not only was I like hypnobirthing I was you didn't say a word during labour I didn't say a word was that like a shock thing so every time a contraction would come I would go oh my word on the gas and air instead of the other way right like you want to let out right yeah but I think I was just like afraid cut to the other one I was like I'm doing a home birth I'm doing this my own way I want to kind of essentially rewrite the birth story because it was so it affected me so deeply because I felt so powerless actually so second time around I had candles I had the fire lighting I had marshmallows it was like a thing bougie and we had just about filled the bath similar thing I went out for sushi last day or first day off went out for sushi I was like something's cooking and Roy was like this is the same thing and I said it's a bit of a twist every so often he was like that sounds like a contraction I was like it's not a contraction I have things to do tomorrow and I walked up the hill and I was like it's this I'm in labour and in the end on the second one my youngest daughter because again we weren't prepared she came down the stairs and I thought and I was like slightly in that panic mode where you're right at the edge and you know there's no going back and she came in and I thought I don't want her to see me distressed so I kind of re-centred myself and thought okay this is go time and she sat opposite me on the pool and there's a picture she like rubbed my face and rubbed my hand and didn't say anything you know she wasn't like an overbearing coach because obviously she had no idea what to do but it was it was a really beautiful moment she was just gone four she didn't ask you for a snack in the middle of it oh no she knew there was a present coming she ate all the snacks there was a table there was a table she's up in the middle of the night eating snacks she thought it was christmas time so it was like it was a lovely kind of yeah correction of yeah and she remembers that she has a memory of that and feels very proud oh that's gorgeous actually i came down because i could hear my mom i'll hear her tell the story i could hear my mom and she sounded like a cow and she woke me up in the middle of the night and I came down and then my sister was born and there's pictures of like yeah the baby and what was your partner doing at the time he was he kind of was able to hang back I think he knew that the first one had been so traumatic in a very silent internal way for me and that I had actually really worked hard to have a very different experience.

34:42And so I was kind of like, don't breathe in my face, please. This is not like a romantic moment. This is actually rebirthing for me. And so I was much clearer. Yeah. And it was kind of amazing having, because there's midwives there who had done loads of home births before. So even though I had said, I'm going to have a home birth and I felt so excited and empowered by that. and the faces I would get from people when I said that they were like that's brave and it felt like the least brave thing for me because I knew the opposite had been I was at home I was relaxed I was halfway there then I went into the hospital and whatever my connection with hospitals made me feel frightened that sterile environment whatever it was didn't work for me and then suddenly I'm like I slept in my own bed yeah it's nice I had a cup of tea after my placenta popped out onto the living room floor it was like all just kind of yeah really wholesome and mental and lovely mine was the other way around my first one was at home and everyone was like you're crazy and which made me want to do it even more I was like well I'll prove you wrong I'm not crazy I can do this watch me and I did do it um and it was interesting um as in like it just wasn't I was saying to someone earlier, my midwife was, look, I think she was a bit of a psycho.

36:06Oh. Because she had the gas and air in the car and I was like, I need the gas and air and she was like, you'll be fine, don't worry about it. What a bitch, I'm sorry. She didn't give it to me. But also, that's totally, like that's basically misogyny. Right. But she said, after I gave birth and she was like, see, don't you feel great now that you didn't have any drugs? I was like, no, I thought I was dying. I would have loved the drugs. Because gas and air is good stuff. Gas and air is amazing. Which is great. Take the edge off. And I actually didn't use it the second time around because it was making me feel sick.

36:33And I really wanted to express in those moments that I realised I had like shut my gob the first time around. But my like learning was that we know our bodies, you know, you ask for gas and air, you should get the gas. You should be empowered to make those decisions, to listen to yourself, to follow your instincts and to have somebody who supports that rather than questions that. And then I tore as well. And she didn't sew me up. She was like, you'll be fine. So that was nice. But I actually wonder, and I'd like to kind of put this out to an Instagram message as well. If their partners sometimes do like strange things when they know that their partner's in labor.

37:16So my partner definitely did. Go on. We were, I realized that I was in early labor. And I said to him, I think I'm in labor. and he went well we've got plans today and I was like do we do we yes I know we're gonna have to cancel those plans and he was like oh but we haven't seen them in ages it's like babes you're not gonna be seeing them for a while yet and then he was like okay okay and then we because we were having a home birth and he was like I'm just gonna go to the shops I'm just gonna get a few bits I was like fine I was like but be quick because my contractions are now coming quite quickly and it was just me at home but my midwife was on your way what you were doing a little bit so he went to the shops an hour later I call him I'm like what are you doing he's like oh I'm just at the cheese counter I'm just picking some cheese so he didn't go to our local shop he went to the furthest one away with a nice cheese counter and I was like do you realize that I'm in labor he's like yeah but I just wanted to get some nice cheese I think you'll you'll want a cheese sandwich I was like I don't I just need you here because I'm in labor and um and then when he did come back he then made a sandwich I've actually got on video he made himself a sandwich sandwich that took about it felt like a year to make and I'm literally on all fours going pokes yes it was very strange and then with another with my third I got my second was just a complete write-off but my third I knew what to expect and I made myself a playlist of like music and stuff and I said to him when I was in labor I was like can you put on my playlist and he's like oh there's a really great new album by um like the Arctic Monkeys like we should play that and I was like babe it's not a dinner party I've arranged a playlist for me giving birth um I don't want to put on Arctic Monkeys right now thank you and then he was on his phone a lot and I was just like you know he just like just he was probably busy doing his fantasy football team probably yeah probably out of the planet i do think though they haven't a clue what's going on like they're it's the and also i think it's quite scary we're in the pain yeah like think about when you're looking at your kid in pain it's actually sometimes worse for the observer than it is for the participants and so i do think a lot of the time there's not much space maybe rightly so for men to go oh my god what if she don't like what if she dies and that's also a real yeah and a real fear that we We don't say out loud very much.

39:48Bodyly fluids everywhere. And then nurses and doctors coming in. Like, I always take the mic out of my husband for some of the stuff he used to say. Like, when he's like, Hannah, your body was designed to do it. You're fine. And I used to be like, literally, I want to smash you in the face right now. As I'm late, like on all fours, like Wolverine, like all the veins hanging out my arms, like trying to get this baby out. And he's just like, but your body's designed to do it. Which we can say he cannot. Think of it like a sack race. Come on. Think of it like that. A sack race. You need to get to the end of that.

40:15A huge thank you to Angela Scanlon. Thank you for being here and sharing your amazing journey and sharing your juggling motherhood to smashing it in your career. So as you know, this is a safe space for parenting fails, but nobody is perfect. Now we've shared our parenting fails and now it's time for you to share yours. So your first parenting fail, I'm going to read this one out. You know, when you're just done with a class WhatsApp, someone has shared yet another message about organising hand decorated themed gift baskets. And I couldn't help myself. I typed a slightly salty message meant for my small mum group.

40:53Something like, how do these people have the energy? Except I didn't send it to my group. I sent it to the whole class chat. Yeah, full class, meaning the mum I was 100 percent talking about. I honestly wanted the ground to swallow me. Oh, no. Can you imagine? It'd be so easy to do that. when you sleep deprived in a rush where you read it and you think oh whatever yeah that's easily done or when you're talking about someone and you send it to that person instead of yeah no i think we've we've all been there like delete delete and then they'll say what did you write it's like honestly you don't want to know message yeah oh yes it's it's not fun that's never fun never fun um here's another one so i'm out for a wholesome little park walk baby strapped to me in the sling i ask a friend to snap a cute photo one for the grid hours later i'm at home scrolling through the pics about to post one and that's when I spot it in the background my toddler squatting yes again all been there I I actually did put a picture up on Instagram years ago which um still haunts me actually and maybe some others if they ever saw it but and this is I literally became a mother I gave birth and I for whatever reason I I just wanted to know how things were down there oh did you look well I had a little feel yeah don't recommend it especially literally pushed out let's have a feel no um and then a few days later um I was still quite intrigued and I was breastfeeding the baby and I wanted to have a little you know I was kind of interested to know how things were um couldn't quite anyway to to get to the point I took a picture of my hearts.

42:37You're not going to tell me you sent this in a WhatsApp group are you? To parents? No. No. You're not going to say that to me are you? Did you accidentally send it to somebody? I put it on Facebook. You put a picture of your vagina on Facebook after you gave birth? Accidentally. Accidentally. Did you actually? Yes I did. Oh my god. It was horrendous. I mean it still haunts me. Oh my god. how did this happen? The feeling I have right now, I feel like really quite sick about it. Well, I'm finding this probably one of the funniest things I've ever heard, to be honest. And luckily realised quite quickly.

43:16And very, very quickly deleted it. What caption did you put underneath it? No caption. Just straight upload. What do you think to this? Oh God, honestly, it was horrendous. and I apologize if anyone did see it but it's basically I will never basically don't ever do it just don't just don't take the picture yeah don't take it and how long I need to know how long before you realize what you've done were you like how many likes have I got I think I hold on I think it was a couple of minutes and then I you know the panic yeah the absolute I'm going to throw up what do I do I'm shaking full vision of the vajay like I mean you're talking like this okay and then just not like you know not hair and makeup pristine ready that's probably your worst day there was nothing ready there did you have stitches and stuff was it a bad I should have had stitches but my midwife thought it would be an idea not to sew me up and gave me herbs instead that I'd put in the bath which I think was oregano did it work no it did not hence having to take a picture to see what's going on yeah um so yeah that was that was my first ever parenting fell two days into being a parent and managed to show everyone my torn badge on Facebook moving on yeah so thanks for tuning into today's episode we hope you've enjoyed the conversation and taken away something valuable I hope um don't forget to subscribe share the podcast with your friends and leave us a review it really does help us grow it certainly does follow us on social media for updates behind the scenes content but until next time take care and tune in for the next episode.

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