Anna Williamson spills the tea on epic tantrums, Celebs Go Dating & makes some cheeky confessions

0:00Coming up. My God, every kid, right, doesn't matter whether you've had a C-section, they've been breastfed, it doesn't matter, they are going to lick handrails and they're going to be little sh**. Everyone's cheering and getting up off their seats, but actually people were going, Stop! Oh my God, it's Mr. Tumble on acid, throwing flames, can't get your kids away.

0:19Anna Williamson:The wonderful Anna Williamson. I'm so glad you're here. And I am aware that I am very lucky, hashtag blessed, to have my two children, but they I'm going to argue. Oh, come on. Come on. Tell me when you're done. Give us the tea. It was like, fancy a shower? Go on then. We even fist pumped each other. I wonder what you were going to say. Oh my God, I was going to say something else. I was like, I think this is the wrong show.

0:50We're back. We're back. We're back. Oh, thank God for this. It's been a long nine weeks. like without having an adult chat conversation. Yes, that's why I love coming here. I know that I'm going to have a conversation with you with absolutely no interruptions. Yeah. It's bliss. Again, it's like our spa. It's our safe space. I haven't spoken to a parent that isn't delighted. Obviously we love our kids and stuff, but yeah, the summer is a really long time. It is. And now that they're back at school, I thought, oh, this is fantastic. And the WhatsApp groups. It's literally like, although I do have an announcement to make you mute them I don't but I have stepped down as class rep why were you doing that anyway I don't know like well I thought I was being helpful but it turns out I'm I just kind of feel like I wasn't giving enough to the group um I did forget a few things um no I've stepped down I thought it was the right thing to do and actually the ladies that have taken over already absolutely smashing it but the messages are fast and furious I mean did it take a lot for somebody to take over and be smashing it like how high was your standard I'm paying them I'm paying them£20 a week no I'm kidding I feel like I feel like I need to say something so this is I've got a dummy between my sorry it's just really itchy and I thought I was going like this and scratching my boobs so there I've got a dummy between I always keep one here oh my gosh I'm really like paranoid about my daughter having a dummy yeah because she's just turned two but my boys never had a dummy and now I've said in the past she's her teeth are like she smiles yeah she can get Invisalign it's fine um but I always keep a dummy there because she calls it a money and when I see she's like money so um yeah sorry I was just scratching my chest while you were talking about what we were saying about the whatsapp groups at school so we had some parents having a like a heated discussion about calling each other out on the whatsapp groups because one parent said read the school's emails and the other parent was like but do they need PE kit tomorrow and it's like it's on their email and then they started to have like a yeah I do hear that this does happen my I gotta say all my class whatsapps are very tame and very polite but my a friend of mine has a whatsapp chat that does get quite nasty really yeah love that though such as I never ever comment in the whatsapp chat ever because we've got the class whatsapp chats are you're a lurker the years i'm a lurker i'm a screenshoter and send it to another mum kind of gal and i'll be like oh have you heard what she's saying or you know i love it that's that's my kind of humor though and you know when a parent's like oh well i do this homework with my child it's like oh my god every kid right doesn't matter whether you've had a c-section they've been breastfed it doesn't matter they are gonna lick handrails and they're going to be little shits so stop with your high hoarseness if that's even a thing I don't think it is but you get those mums don't you know there's lots of I mean I liked I think one of the reasons I wanted to be class reps because I wanted to arrange like lots of nights out with the mums and I get to know them and be like right let's have a nice night out but I don't really think we had many because whenever you kind of like arranged a night out there was always be like I can't make that day I can't make that day I can't make that day or you know I can't get a babysitter or you know my kids got chicken pox or something and it was all oh okay well and it I never really announced or anything.

4:09I don't want to come. I don't. On the one night I can socialize. But I imagine you would be like the best social organizer. You should put yourself forward. Like, listen, I'll do the socials. Like I'm not doing the year group stuff, the class chat. I mean, I might do. Why not? I do love a social, but maybe not. But apart from that, I mean, kids are back. Do you find that September feels like it's new beginnings? It's a new start. I get quite excited by September. It is the academic school year. It feels like things are fresh and exciting. And then come July when it's the end of term, like everyone's just like, stop, get me out.

4:48You know when you look at like a nice juicy peach the start of the year and then you look at it like nine months later and it's just disheveled and wilted. That's how I feel progressively throughout the year. But I don't feel refreshed after the summer holidays. So I'm never that fresh, juicy kind of peach. Yeah, the summer holidays are a lot. I think the whole, the struggle between working and having your kids at home, that's really hard. The other day, and this is a bit of a parenting fail, I was on a call. All the kids were at home. And I was on a call. It's quite a formal call, a video call.

5:24And the guy I'm talking to is this American guy. And he's got, he's really hairy. Got a big beard, loads and loads of hair. And my daughter comes in. I'm a bit like, oh, God. and she literally says, mommy, why does that man look like a dog? And I was like, I'm really sorry. And this guy, you know, bit of a personality fail. He was just like, anyway, as I was saying, and I was like, oh my God, I'm really sorry. I was like, I'm really sorry. It's just my kid. La la la. And he was like, he did literally no time for it. And I was like, guys, just go, go and watch something on TV. But that's hard trying to do the whole juggling of everything.

6:01it's it's a lot and I find that now and I actually spoke to a mum on the train on the way here and we were talking about the juggles of working because everyone has it whether it's you know not every or not every mum is working some mums aren't working but it's still a job being a mum and juggling everything so it's relative for everybody every mum because you've got schedules to stick to and school whatsapps everything um but this this mum that I was talking to was saying to me um so she's like I've got a schedule so I share a document with my husband she's about to go away for a week for work so she's written out Monday to Saturday the schedule so what the kids need what so I do the same thing at home I have these huge whiteboards and each child has their own color so each day it's what they're doing at school if they're at nursery what kit they need what and she was showing me this document and it was so detailed and I said is that to prompt you and she was like no it's my husband to look at while I'm away but she shared it with her nine year old daughter on the daughter's iPad so the daughter can prompt the dad and tell him when she needs to take netball kit or when she needs to take an extra drink because she's got an extra cup and I was like the actual mental load and juggle that you have and I don't want to sound like oh my god being a mum so hard because it's amazing but the actual mental load that you have day to day if some if I my version of myself 10 years ago was watching me now I'd be like oh my god are you actually doing that is that your life now it's the constant questions um especially my daughter my daughter talks more than my my boys well they say that about girls don't they that girls just love the chat I mean obviously we love the chat constantly constantly but my my boys will just be like oh mummy can have a snack and i'm like yeah how are you feeling bradley how are you feeling logan like that fine can have a snack and then they just carry on yeah yesterday a little boy's been picking on my son no at school and i phoned the mum last night did you yeah i did i actually did hopefully this person won't ever listen probably will i don't care don't mention any names i'm like yeah he came home from school and he was really upset and i was like it's day one back to school come on so I actually phoned her and I said um you know my son's been upset about this and I and I did I was quite manipulative because I was like I didn't want to have to ring the school and send emails have communication I was like we have a relationship and at that point she just went really quiet because it's like she was obviously thinking well we don't have her because we don't really know each other but um I said oh would you mind having a chat with your son to have a chat with my son because my son's upset about your son and then I thought I've just turned it out a parent I said I would never you know normally it's like oh fight it out between yourselves but there's a bit of an age gap between them but also you know as all mothers you that kind of does that fire to want to protect your children when someone's picking on them my son one of my sons had been picked on before and um I had a web with the mum and the mum was like well actually um my son said it's the other way around and your son's bullying my son and I was like okay maybe so I was like well let's all have a chat and it continued so my son was still coming home crying and I spoke to the school nothing happens in the end my eldest son and I don't know if it's the right thing to do or not you got the big brother in didn't you I didn't ask him to this is when they were all at the same school uh my eldest son went up to this kid no prompting at all and just went if you touch my brother I'm going to well I don't know what you said hopefully nothing too threatening anyway it stopped and it was really it was and I know I was so proud that my eldest looked out for his little brother um and actually so now the boy in question and my son and our good friends and it's and it's fine but it you know I spoke to the mum I spoke to the school all it took was my eldest son just being like don't do it all he did was drop kick him smack him in the face a couple of times and then it was fine like yeah oh god this isn't like oh he's a son's a bully no he's not he just looked after his um well it's it's a natural thing to do I remember this girl picked on my brother once and she was 13 and I was nine and I went up to her and I was like if you pick on my brother I'm gonna sort you out now obviously she was stood there with she was really tall like in my head she was like a giraffe like really tall and there's me like, I'm going to shout you out.

10:25Now, she obviously looked at me and thought, listen, hon, you're nine years old. But I think she respected me for doing it. I didn't punch her or anything. I wanted to. But I mean, if I'd have punched her, she'd have probably absolutely howled at me. You never know. You never know. But she left my brother alone. Well, there you go. He is my older brother, by the way. He's not my old brother. I love that. Yeah, he's like six foot four. But I protected him at the time. It's the sass, isn't it? It's the confidence. It's like we don't have to go cat slater on them. but I think it's nice when you see siblings like caring for each other.

10:54Yeah, it was really nice. It was really nice. Yeah. So have you got any parenting fails? Well, always. So actually this one, I feel like this is more of a parenting triumph in a way with lots of parents. So we were on holiday and we were one of these places where there's one of these places where there's evening entertainment. Yeah. You know how kids love to wear these like exuberant clothes but they can be quite flammable. So we're at this evening entertainment and one of the entertainers have got a fire show and they're spinning this ring of fire, like in this hula hoop thingy. And one of the bits of fire goes into the crowd and lands near children.

11:38And all the parents literally jump up and put out what could have been quite disaster. but in the meantime the kids are loving it because they're like this is amazing and all my mommy and daddy's getting involved and they're loving it and um but yeah luckily no one was hurt but it was you kind of feel like that would have been an episode in like motherland or something where something happened but all but the blessing the entertainers on stage they were at this mindset of like everyone's loving this everyone's cheering and getting up off of their seats but actually people were going stop oh my god it's mr tumble on acid throwing flames quick get your kids away.

12:14Yeah, so there you go. We're like, maybe we're going to the entertainment the next night. Or maybe no fire. It's like when you go on holiday and you know you have those kids entertainers that'll sing a song where it's like, chocolate. And you're finally just singing it yourself and all the parents are like, chocolate. Have another shot, hon. Get me a tequila rose. I love this one. And all the kids are like, because it's quarter past ten at night, waiting for the entertainment. Can I have a snack? Chocolate. I don't know if you saw this teacher over summer holidays as well who came up with a song for kids about private parts which is brilliant.

12:46Yes. These are my private parts private parts private parts nobody can touch them I sing that to my husband. Well exactly during the day I was singing it to my kids at night time I was like husband here is a song for you. It's like getting to bed with your beige knickers and cling film wrapped up my private parts. Nobody can touch them. That means you babe. No I can't wish I think this would be great to talk to our next guest about actually. Do you? Yeah. We have such an exciting guest joining us today. She's been a television presenter since she was a teenager, a best-selling author, podcast host, and you'll probably know her as a dating and relationship expert on Celebsco Dating.

13:24Please give a huge welcome to the wonderful Anna Williamson.

13:28Anna Williamson:I'm so glad you're here. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you for asking me. I'm really not just saying it. I've also got terrible hair today. This was the easiest yes in the world. because you both I look I just need to be authentic because you feel vulnerable but you are probably two of the main people you and Luke Hamnet that I will always comment on your reels your Instagram posts it's like I feel seen I feel heard and I bloody belly laugh at everything you do I think you're bloody brilliant you're bloody brilliant well thank you thank you but I think to find funny women is just an absolute treat and you are two of the funniest thank you we'll take that can you be our publicist please yeah I know just say that again to the female right people please um so what are you like as a mom because we see this very professional side of you okay yeah what are you like as a mother talk to me about what your house was like over the summer that's every month's face around the country so i even got fed up with myself on instagram stories moaning about the summer holidays because Because, and you'll know this as well, girls, like it's such a funny old place to be, isn't it?

14:43Anna Williamson:The world of social media in particular. Because, you know, whatever you say, someone's going to hate it. Like it doesn't matter what you say. It doesn't matter what you say. Someone's going to find fault with it. And I am aware, and we always caveat this, that I am very lucky, hashtag blessed, to have my two children, which I am. Of course. I am. Truly. But they are f***ing annoying. And this summer holiday has been particularly, we have had some really nice moments. I would say. Bedtime. Lovely. Midnight has been amazing. I'd say 70 % has been nice. As in, we did staycations. And I don't know if that was a good thing or bad thing.

15:24Anna Williamson:I wanted to avoid, we had quite a front heavy holiday year of like going away. And I was like, I just can't bear another airport, especially in the summer. get a bit a bit anxious around planes and the kids are a bit unpredictable and how old are your kids so Enzo is nearly nine and Eleonora's going to be six at Christmas right but yeah I'm not going to lie it's hard and I think we are okay to own that oh god absolutely it's long I think summer holidays are far too long quite honestly for working parents I don't think we're geared up for it childcare's too goddamn expensive yeah we had an extra week this year we had an extra week actually mine have only been back two days and it's been so good But how do you manage childcare and stuff with you working so much and your partner?

16:08Anna Williamson:How do you juggle it all? To be honest, probably like a lot of working parents, we sort of wing it. We do have a system in place that consists of, and we are lucky, we do have a good support network. And by choice, we live near both sets of parents. Oh, that is smart move. Very good move. Girls, when I was getting preggers, I was like, I'm sure some people think, well, she doesn't flow the nest very far. oh I have bones I've flown the nest around the world twice I just came back yeah because I knew that the minute I was popping out Sproggos and you know having a career that is not a normal career as in I'm here they're everywhere yeah so together we have a sort of rule that one of most of the time one of us either mum or dad will be with the kids so for example today I did drop off this morning my husband will do pick up he'll do tea and all that kind of stuff like I find the kids now really do need me more than ever and I really feel that so I try and be as present as I possibly can and that's the emotional side of things isn't it um that they need you because you kind of think oh they get a bit self-sufficient and they're like five or six they can take themselves to the toilet and then all of a sudden it's like oh you want to talk to me about your emotions it is and like it challenges every day that you don't expect are correct i think you're absolutely right i think when they're babies and you just feed them put them down and play a little bit you know that's lovely don't get me wrong i actually found that that it's really hard like It's really hard.

17:29It's really hard. The robbing of the sleep was hell on earth.

17:32Anna Williamson:And as you say, yeah, they are self-sufficient now. They can pretty much feed themselves. You know, they get up in the morning, they get their own food, they put the telly on. You know, we can sort of have a bit of a line on us after the day. I've got a 13-year-old and sometimes I don't even know if he's in the house or not. There you go. I get a notification on my phone saying, Basil has left the house. We have like an app where you can track people. I'm like, oh, he's gone there. Or Basil is now back. I'm like, oh, didn't even know you were gone. It's quite nice actually. And he barely wants to talk to me at the moment.

17:56and he's definitely a grunting teenager and I'm just allowing it just be who you want to be and he you know clearly wants to talk to me loads when it's uh bedtime yes like he's literally he literally the other day was like mom let's talk about life and I was like no we're not going to do that it's too little bit night and I'm gonna have a bath do you know something this is this

18:14Anna Williamson:is the thing actually isn't it it is very much the bedtime chats now and it is a lovely time which is why honestly most of the time um I'd say I do nine out of ten bedtimes with the kids they are particularly keen on me doing them as well they're just you know I suppose like any kid they just want you know a mummy they're still they're still little they're still babies they still want at the end of the day you know no matter how much they give it the big end you know what I mean at the end of it when they're tired it's thumbs in the mouth comforter want a mummy cuddle you know but it is the questions it's the life answers it's actually my daughter my five-year-old who Christ I've got more I can chew with her I tell you I gave birth to me with my husband's Mediterranean temperament, I think.

18:54Anna Williamson:But what did she say to me the other night? She will not go to bed at the moment. Like my boy, my eight-year-old, he's absolutely fine. He's like, seven o 'clock hits. I'm tired. Get me to bed. Bloody hell. Seven and a half. I know. Seven and a half. Seven thirty. Yeah. Oh. I know. I know. And he'll just go to bed and not get up and come down 25 times and ask you how the world was made. No, but his sister makes up for that. Right. So he's great in that he's a routine kid. He'll be down by like half seven. but your daughter tell me about your daughter because i feel like i've got hard relate oh yeah hard hard relate hard relate knowing your content we should get them together we yeah she and you know i don't know it's so it's so conflicted isn't it because on one hand i look at her and i think gosh you're so cute she's so sweet she's so pretty like how did i and also she's so sodding sassy and she's hilarious so on one hand i'm like go you because i feel sorry for anybody that ever crosses your path ever yeah like i don't even have to worry about her having a boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever you know whatever she whatever goes on in her life but me she will not go to bed she her dad is now like wrapped around the little finger oh really she love hates me like even my boy said to me the other day he was like i don't know why she doesn't doesn't do this for daddy and i was like i know oh my god i'm so there is that a thing with a daughter oh my god with my daughter it really is like to the point where over the over the summer holidays my mom came on holiday with us and my mom was like i'm so sorry she treats you like this That's what my mum said.

20:20She's like, what can I do? And I was like, I feel like I'm used to it now, mum. She's like, you shouldn't put up with that. Why, what was she doing? Yeah, how old is she? She turned six. Oh, God, they're the same. Yeah, she turned six in August. Oh, Christ, they are the same age. I feel like she bullies me. Yeah, I get bullied. But to a point where I'm like, I'm exhausted mentally.

20:38Anna Williamson:Does your daughter talk a lot? Doesn't stop. And it's like you don't want to crush their wonderful, curious minds. But you want them to shut the f*** up. Shut up. Yesterday. I mean can I even offload to you I feel like I need to even offload this is why we're here mate get it off your chair it's a safe space let it out mums need to hear this because a lot of people come on and they'll tell us that their kids sleep all the time we need to hear this kind of stuff give us the tea yesterday so they went back to school they've gone back to school recently and yeah and she was looking forward to it and picked her up from school and I have actually never been this was bad this is honestly as bad it's ever got with her tantrums again Again, five, six-year-olds.

21:20Anna Williamson:Mine tantrums worse than a two-year-old. Mine's still tantrums. Only to me, though. Oh, yeah. Only to me. Oh, yeah. When you're both getting bullied. No one else. She trolls me. Yeah, honestly. She does. I pick them up from school. So she comes out. She comes running out of school. And again, you know, I want to say I should know all this. You know, I'm a therapist, for Christ's sake. Let me tell you, it makes no difference when you've got your own children, right? A bloody childline counsellor of umpteen years as well. It makes no difference when you have your own children. so she comes out hi mommy oh hello darling you know and i'm thinking right we're gonna have some big emotions here you know anyway so she comes out she's like can we we have a shop right next to the school which is the bane of my sodding life oh my gosh and it's a good shop like it's a good shop where they have a well well no actually i'd say it's the opposite it's just got every brightly colored snack that you could possibly buy import over you name it yeah just everything right i mean to be fair if i was a kid it's like willy wonka right please can we go to the shop please can we go to the shop i was like no it's you know we're not going to shop yet you know we go home oh please oh we've had a good first day so like sucker that i am so then so they started campaigning please can we go and get something small i said okay well look you know you get something get something small manipulation stage one exactly never negotiate why did i do that every other parent sensibly gone no shop she starts pushing me like let me tell you she's strong like literally physically starts pushing me and you know when you're in public as well you're just like a i don't know how to deal with this because she doesn't do this like she actually doesn't do this but i am physically getting pushed like in any other situation or circumstance in life somebody would intervene and go you're being bullied yeah stop this you're getting arrested yeah this is gbh and i'm like here she is pushing me into the into the wall of big bags of sweets she then did a full-on planking at the car door open i'm not going anywhere now the car happens to be parked right opposite the chemist of which they always leave their door open at this particular time of the day it's where the last sort of you know the line of people are getting their end of day prescriptions collected so the head of the pta is coming past at that point you know that yeah no it had or you just think give me some valium yeah the amount of people that walked past with the sympathetic smiles oh yeah and i hadn't honestly i'd be completely honest i actually rang my husband i didn't know what to do because normally she does she's told for him and i rang him and i was like i don't know actually what the first time like in a long time i did not know what to do so let's talk celebs go dating because uh brilliant show and what like tell tell us about the show and and the advice you give and who's your favorite and it's so glamorous isn't it like you go from their daughter lying like a plank on the floor in a road to being with the most glamorous people on celebs go dating how often hannah within the same hour i mean that has been known to happen really uh yes i mean the juxtaposition is interesting i'm not gonna lie um I love doing celebs go dating I mean I'm so lucky to have been on the show now um eight years um this was my 11th series uh which is just uh just finishing um and it's gone really really well it's been a really successful series um so yeah I mean I think you know for me it's it's sort of everything that I've I've been in telly for 25 years and I think I've been doing therapy for about 15 um so it's so lovely to have a show that really does just amalgamate everything that I love which is people um telly celebrities it all knows you about celebrities you know I also work with you know my best mates in Tom and uh Paul and and Dr.

24:57Anna Williamson:Tara and Rob Beckett obviously does the voiceover yeah he's brilliant yeah amazing um and we're one big old happy dysfunctional family really and um it really is a pleasure to to do the show and I think um I think people realize it but if they don't um you know we really do care like it is the work I do off the telly that I do on the telly, which is coaching people. But yeah, to your point, Hannah, I do often have to, I mean, Paul's got kids, but his are a bit older. And also it's not the same as mum. We all know it. That's what I say to him. So I am the only one of us dating coaches that is the mum of the kids and has young kids.

25:36Anna Williamson:So they all do joke and laugh at me when I, and I'm always in the hair and makeup and the phone, you know, the phone call of doom, you know. Oh, hello, Mrs. Di Pasquale is my married name. Hello, Mrs. Di Pasquale. It's the school here. Nothing to worry about. It's always nothing to worry about at first, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Nothing to worry about. Insert the issue of the day. So, yeah, I do have to sort of flick my head into work mode. Any favourite celebs that you've had on the show that you would share with us? Go on. Come on. I mean, to be honest, this sounds really beige, but I do really like, there's very few that I don't remember.

26:11Anna Williamson:Oh, come on. Come on. Give us the tea. yeah um i mean allison hammond's always been oh i love her yeah she's i mean obviously pete and sam uh pete wicks sam thompson like they became pete and sam from our show that's where they met um is it really i didn't know that yeah best best relationship we've ever made yeah that's that's where they met i used to have a whatsapp group with like four friends and it was a pete wicks appreciation group and we used to send pictures of pete wicks yeah when he was I just had this flashback and we used to be like, oh yeah, he's so fit. That was before we had kids and responsibilities.

26:47But we used to actually send pictures. Have you met Peach? Never. No, I've not met him. I'm going to have to get Peach to do your video. I've seen him like, you know, on the red carpet. We're like, oh, hello. But no. Hello. Hi, Peach. He's lovely. He's a very good friend. Loved him on Strictly. Yeah, he was great on Strictly. Loved him on Strictly. Loved him. I thought he was fantastic. He did really well, actually, didn't he? Aesthetically, he's very lovely. Yeah. He is.

27:10Anna Williamson:he is it's yeah I mean he's proper fit I do find myself sometimes in in these weird situations actually where who was I with I think I was with Pete Paul um someone else like incredibly handsome because everyone always fancies Paul as well who I do it with like oh my god Parsi Branson he's just so gorgeous like and he is but I was it's so weird being in that situation where I do just see them as your work family yeah yeah they're just yeah the fam and I'm like god actually thinking about I'm sort of half the nation's envy right now. Yeah, right. You know, I'm sitting here, you know, with the boys, but I guess that's what makes us friends really, because I don't want to shag them.

27:48No, that is good. And they don't want to shag me. I bet you want to say to the celebs that come on, like, listen, you're single, shag as much as you can. Because when you get with someone, you're going to have children. Yeah, exactly. And they'll have tantrums. And you'll be like, what?

28:00Anna Williamson:And your life will become hell. Actually, I particularly, I have to say, I probably do have a soft spot for any of the mums or dads that come on the show, the parents that come on Celesco Dating, there is always an affinity. Like this series, Carrie Katona, you know, Carrie's a brilliant mom. You know, she's got five kids. She was joked, you know, about how many kids she's got. Last series, we had Jamelia. Jamelia's got four kids, you know. So people that have kids, I think naturally I have like an extra rapport with because I also, oh, this year we had Christine McGinnis as well. She has three kids, you know.

28:29Anna Williamson:And so automatically, I think with this sort of funny industry that we're in as well, we're all really empathetic to what we're all juggling as well so it's like we're all in there trying to do our jobs you know which is a lovely privileged job but as you all know it's not you know there's no set hours or anything like that so everyone's juggling their school pickups and and how do you juggle like date nights and your i'm not going to ask about your sex life but i kind of am what's your advice how do you listen to loana i'm probably not you are the person to know how do you well actually i don't want to know but i mean because yeah okay what advice would you give to parents that are listening i'm not just saying mums in terms of like having date nights keeping your sex life going sex and communication are so important yes um how do you advise people to keep that alive when you've got children you're working you're knackered and you want to sleep like how do you do it and it well firstly the first thing to recognize is it's hard yeah it is hard hard you're in the well it is babe i understand if you're lucky yeah sorry um it's it's difficult i think the first thing to recognize you know accept that that you you know you're in the same boat as everybody else and don't compare yourself to everybody i mean i think there's some wild stats going around that you know the average couple has sex once a week i mean i think that is wide of the mark but i know no i mean i yeah sorry i did an instagram poll of my stories and I and I said you know how often do you have sex with your partner what's your data yeah the data I got was uh well the yeah was once every three months there you go yeah I was just gonna say yeah I think I think yeah there you go three months was the average was the average yeah and I was gonna say yeah my research I would say not far off that but I think this sort of wildly inaccurate once every week is um you know again it's it's and I think but I mean I mean but look it is what it is to everybody okay i mean i certainly am not having it once a week but you never know every now and again we might do you ever get this when suddenly we're out of the house if we're on holiday yeah something oh my god but you suddenly feel like you're reborn i'm just like oh my god it's like the ovulation every day on holiday spot everywhere i was that three days i'm only horny three days a month the ovulation yeah three days but as you say i mean over the summer holidays yeah we went away with the kids they'd gone to sleep of course they had interconnecting daughter didn't know did she she didn't bloody go to sleep Hannah no that was an iPad get the iPad on um yeah okay we're done go to sleep yeah and it was like fancy a shower yeah go on then uh and it was like oh my god and we even said to it I mean this is how sad it is we even fist pumped each other I wonder what you're gonna say I'm not going to reveal everything about my sex life but Let me tell you what we do with our fists on holiday.

31:16Anna Williamson:That's now going to be clipped up to. And we fist. And that's going to be a clip now. Brilliant. Oh, my God. She's arrived. She is. We even fist pumped. I mean, that's how sad it was. Because we were like, actually, we're okay. We're all right, you know, babes. And then you're like, do you know what? I actually really fancy you. Yes. That's the thing. That's why we got married. That's it. That's why I had kids with you. Exactly. My husband and I managed to get away together for three nights during August. Oh, lovely. Which was absolutely amazing. and I've got to say, I think we had about a year's worth of sex within those three days.

31:47But I think my husband then thought, oh, okay, this is the new norm then. And we get home, back to reality and back to, you know, all the chaos and the crap everywhere. And then he was like, you know, the willy flap, let's go. The dry humping over the dishwasher. Oh yeah, you want it, don't you? Not really, babe. And I literally was like, babe, we're done. You know, you've had your lot. Had your quota, babe. Yeah, you're done now. Back in your box. Bless him. I think he was like, oh, this is great.

32:10Anna Williamson:this is my this is the new year routine now but the thing is I think I think going back home is is the biggest kick in the libido test you know ever I mean it is because you go back in the cat's puked on the floor the kids are screaming again you know it's just life you know and I actually find having sex in the marital bed actually really boring like it you know we mostly do that I'm sure but you know it it's when you need to shake things up so in answer to your question really firstly it is accepting it don't just put up with that though don't just assume that okay everyone's having a hard time with relationships and sex and finding us time therefore we're not going to bother absolutely couldn't disagree with that more you have to bother you have to work hard at your relationship you girls will know I will know you know having children it's wonderful but it's time consuming and um overwhelming and it's so easy by default for your partner to just fall to the back of the pile because I don't believe that anybody can do it all um I just don't believe I mean, and also even careers, you know, having families, I think it's great that we can have so much more, but I don't think it's actually that practically possible to have it all.

33:16Anna Williamson:And I think it's perfectly fine to accept that. But with relationships, I do believe a kind of an antidote to that is quality over quantity. So, for example, actually, I'm in the middle of even today, yesterday, talking to my husband about a date night this weekend just because we come off back of summer holidays. because the perfectly honest with you because the youngest isn't sleeping so we spend you know the bedtime routine for her is about three hour merry-go-round you know we go through it all to the point we kind of half give up and she ends up just going to bed when we go to bed in the end but you know we can kiss goodbye to even an hour of netflix and chill you know or even just having dinner without her sitting there it's just that hour isn't it you feel like you're having a day isn't it it's all you need but we've managed to thankfully pull in one of my brothers to babysit nothing particularly glamorous we'd love to do something glamorous but we're not we'll probably just go out for a curry it's just one on one time though it's just time and you have to do it and also I think what we find is I mean whether we'll have it off or not have it off who knows but it's not even about that it's like we'll just see when he gets into it then we get after a curry there's nothing worse than a curry sex it's the breath it's the breath it's the onions it's the onion breath actually I might have to rethink this actually yeah it's the onion breath it's like when you arrive today next day yeah yeah when you arrived today you were like hi guys sorry i stink of kebab i've had a shawarma on my way over i mean you wouldn't want to have it off for me would you han oh always always always i think but i think just just quality just try and do what you can when you can but don't sideline it because honestly it will just create a chasm in your relationship i read somewhere that when um couples have children there i think they argue i think i think like 40 % more than they did before they had children.

35:02And I wonder, and I'd love to know what you think, if like there's something called gentle parenting, is there something called gentle relationshiping where I've been, you know, when you're tired and you're exhausted and you're overstimulated and everything. And if my husband does something that really annoys me, like that's just so simple, like just pick up your socks from the floor. I can get my, and the thing is what I do is I kind of keep it all inside. And then it was one small thing and it will take me over the edge and they're like and he's like whoa hang on a minute and then I but I realized that I could have just done something a bit more simple yeah and just kind of talked about what I need what I want but I don't really ever ask for help well and then I get really angry yeah yeah that that's

35:44Anna Williamson:where you're going wrong and you're you're perfectly normal I think people to do that but I think most arguments are started by the smallest yes I always use the analogy you know it's like a bucket of water you know and all the day crap's been put in we're pouring another cup in another cup in another cup in of stress is in a this and someone's just you know they haven't done that that's happened that's happened something completely external to your relationship would have naffed you off as well that would have happened this happened and then you get to that point and we all know it i know it there's no one in particular that's me off it's just sort of life just everything you know the the inbox is overwhelming and i haven't done it you know i'm dreading little one not going to bed tonight so i'm already pre-empting that then the cat's just puked and then you know my amazon thing you get a thing saying they delivered it but they haven't delivered it and then that throws you around and then all it takes is yeah my husband to sort of swan in and you know do something as simple as and this has done it something as simple as like not putting his plate in the dishwasher or moving the brita filter water jug from that bit to that bit without filling it up um and i can explode and then a massive argument could kick up it doesn't now to be fair because we've learned that that's just not very helpful and the same thing for him and he you know would hold things in as well so I think it's probably far more beneficial to be gentle relationship in the gentle parenting actually I don't I literally hold everything in and I do that classic like I'm in a mood and you're and you don't I'm in a mood I want him to know that I'm in a mood but then he goes you're right I'm like yeah I'm fine and then he's like cool and I'm like damn it yeah I'm not fine and I remember when me and my husband used before kids if we ever had a disagreement I'd be like well my parents live in Scarborough so I was like well I might just go back to Scarborough then and then I'd drive to Tesco I'd get a magazine and a boost bar and a cup of tea and I'd sit in the car park and I'd give it half an hour and he'd try and ring me I'd be like so stubborn I'm sulking like and then I'd go home and he'd be like where have you been it's like well I just went for a drive to make it really dramatic second time it happened like a year later I was like well I might go back to Scarborough I was sat in Tesco phoning my friend being like oh he was being such a and then I turned around and my husband just pulled up and he had a magazine a cup of tea and a beast bar and he got into my he got and he was like I knew that this is where you came last time so he sat in the back no no don't oh because he was annoying me I'm joking and then he came and sat next to me he's like I knew that this is what you did last time like we need to communicate like this is not the way to handle an argument and it is because I then realized that actually I didn't know that I was a sulker I didn't know that I'm that type of person that would actually act like a 10 year old in an argument.

38:14I mean,