Blind Dates, Toxic Snogging & Other Celebrity Romance Stories

0:00Jess Wright:Coming up... I think it's a nice way to meet someone is to be match made. I think it's probably the best. But it's awkward when you're single and someone goes, oh I know somebody that'd suit you. And then you go, oh my god, who is it? And you meet them and you think, oh my god. Oh god, don't. Yeah. Do you know me at all? Yeah. I've been kissing someone for such a long amount of time that I had like stubble rash so badly that it went septic and it went green. Oh my god! It wasn't quite the date night she envisioned it. No, she was probably thinking like, you know, nice Gordon Ramsay restaurant.

0:28or like you took her on a team new version of a date night that she was expecting really didn't you all right babe i'm like i am absolutely fine do i look all right yeah

0:44when i was on the train on the way here today there was this couple sat in front of me yeah and that you know i got on the train and it was like a connection nearly missed my train that my heart rate was like 120 and um i sat down and this couple was sat in front of me like you know know kissing cuddling and they were looking at each other like really staring at each other to the point where it made me feel a little bit like I could have vomited not from travel sickness but because of how they were there I was like and I thought to myself I can't remember if me and Andy were like really kissy cuddly we would never have sat like that on a train like they were literally doing Rudy's on the train and I thought to myself I was like laughing at the back of my head thinking you won't do that when you have children because what's going to happen is you'll have a kid you ain't going to be kissing him because he's not going to have got up in the night and he'll have left his pants on the floor and she'll be moody so he'll be in a mood with her and I thought like what were you and Jesse like pre-kids you know if you looked back now we were that really annoying couple that was so touchy-feely and we still are you know within within reason like we always hold hands yeah like even when we watch tv like whenever like my sister stays at night she's like oh for crying out loud you're holding hands watching the news again that's so cute yeah Yeah, we're just always holding hands.

1:56We make a point of going away for like a long weekend every year, just the two of us. Oh, that's nice. And I think that, well, for us it's brilliant. And I turn into a bit of a nymph, to be honest. I'm just like, and Jessie's like, all right, she's back. So my Christmas present this year was plane tickets to Mykonos because he just knows that it's just basically a dirty weekend away. that's so good though if you think after 16 years and you're like do you know what I actually want a dirty weekend with you and I'll tell you what it is it's being just the two of you yeah away from everything away from the kids away from the house away from work so all you need to think about is each other and what you want to do in the day and you know if you want to open up a bottle of wine bottle of rose at 11 30 delicious do it like your kids aren't there it's fine you If you want to have a nap in the afternoon, if you want to go and have a full on sex session, you can.

2:59Well, you will do after a bottle of rosé. I'll do bloody anything after a bottle of rosé. And it's lovely because you remind yourself of why you decided to settle down with this person. Because, you know, you know, like you're in the depth of trenches and you're tired and you look at your partner and go, I chose you, really? But when you have this time away, you're like, this is why I chose you. This is the person I fell in love with. But isn't it hard, though, to, you know, when you are, like you say, in the thick of it and you are frustrated with each other because you're both tired. The other night I was literally I was going to say it out loud.

3:39I was like, don't say it because it sounds really weird. But I was like, I'm so overstimulated. Like, I'm done. The kids are going to bed later. Annabelle was just screaming. The boys had had a fight. And I did that thing where I was like, right, I'm sick of this. I have to do everything round here. I bet they're all looking at me thinking, oh, piss off. Many times. But I was so irritated. And I was like thinking, Andy, can you not just come upstairs and say to me, do you want me? And it's like almost sometimes you set them up for a fall in your head, kind of pointing what they don't do rather than what they do do and giving them a bit more praise.

4:12And I really have to try with that because otherwise I could get quite like. Oh, that's very good. I don't have that at all. I'm just like you fucking should be doing more that's my good day weekend Jessie although I tell you what it's really bizarre and I want to know if you feel this and if anyone else can relate to this but Jessie was away for two days last week and life felt easier yeah what is that yeah like is it because you're not expecting them to do anything because you know you're not going to have the help you just crack on or is that because the kids were in bed earlier like everything was cleared earlier like everything was just done easier yeah why?

4:54well yeah but you get bored after were you quite looking forward to him coming home or were you saying just stay another night have another night if you want it was obviously lovely for him to come home but I did feel as soon as he came home then there was I don't know I mean it's because the kids play us off with each other yeah you know if I say bedtime then it's bedtime whereas if Jessie's there it's like it's bedtime I'm going to go and sit with dad. And Jesse would be like, oh, yeah, come and watch something with me. And I'm like, I've just said it's bedtime. Like we have to be on the same page.

5:22Otherwise, we're screwed. What do you argue most about you and Jesse? What's like those points where you just think, oh, my God. It's definitely kids. He's more tired. Oh, my God. I have to tell you this. Like the anger. Do you remember the other day when we were here and I did the voice note of Jesse snoring? Yeah. Right. And you knew how bad it was. Yeah. So I sent him that clip and I said, it's time to get this sorted. It's been 16 years. I'm exhausted. Yeah. So he did. He went and bought like this specialized mouth guard thing that you put in. Really? Apparently it works. It arrived. So he looks like a beekeeper when he goes to bed.

6:06Wow. It's been sitting on his bedside table for a week. And every time I go to bed, I'm like, are you going to put it in, babe? and he's like no not tonight I need to read the instructions and I'm like the instructions are just shove it in your mouth that's it and so he's not been wearing it and so what happened last night snoring away and I shoving him and I'm like put in the fucking mouth guard and also let me sleep um so I ended up kicking him out of bed um so we argue about that yeah I'm just like just let me sleep and the audacity when he says to me i didn't have a good night's sleep i'm like really yeah because your snoring says that you did from the stage of bgt to the airwaves of kiss fm who's spent the last two decades at the heart of british culture please welcome the one and only it's jordan bungee it's jordan bungee What an intro.

7:08You were literally like this. I think you're the heart of British culture. I was like, yes, I am. Not probably, but thank you very much. You are welcome. I actually saw on your Instagram the other day, talking about like spending time with your partner, that you took your wife out on a date and took her boxing. I took her boxing. Wow. Did you? I loved her face with that. Does she like boxing? Not in the slightest. No, did not look like she liked it at all. Now on the head. I could feel her absolute, like, are you kidding me? That was, and it was so funny because I did tell her, like, in the car, because I was like, look, well, Saturday night, it's a little bit of work, but I think it'd be a nice date night.

7:47And she was like, oh. She had no idea? She didn't know, right, on the lead up, right. So during the week, I said, I've got to do a little bit of work on Saturday. Because I was there, obviously, once, I like boxing, I'm wanting to watch it, but I was doing a little bit of, like, a... Because your dad is a boxer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I started going into a bit more boxing presenting and stuff. So I was like, I've got a couple of meetings whilst we're there. There's some people we've got to meet. You know, as you go to an event, it'll be like an exec that they want you to meet or something like that.

8:08So I was like, I'm going to have a couple of meetings, but we'll have a really nice night. We'll grab some food after. And she was like, what is it? And I went, don't worry. And I say, don't worry. Like I thought, in my own head, I tried to justify like, it's going to be a real big surprise. She'll turn up, we'll be ringside. And she might actually enjoy it. I knew I didn't say anything because she'd be like, I don't want to go boxing. No. as we were walking out the front door I videoed her that's what you saw I said date night oh you don't know you're going to tell me I was like no in the car halfway there I bowled it I was like I've got to tell her I was like we're headed to the boxing her face was an absolute picture she went okay I know you said work and date but those tips couldn't you just pick me up after she actively does not like boxing unless coincidentally it's Anthony Joshua then he's got a lovely personality this is what she said that's why she'll probably enjoy do you know what I like as well his chats she doesn't discriminate in terms of Anthony Joshua is Anthony Joshua and he's very very famous but if you're six foot plus and black she doesn't discriminate she absolutely loves every single boxer so she'll be she'll sit down next to me and go oh who's coming up and then she'll see like a list of the guys come up and she'll be like oh that's when's that guy fighting Anthony Yard when's he fighting I was like why have you taken interest in him and then he cuts to him and he's there like this eight pounds and she's like oh he just looks like he'd be talented I'm like yeah I bet he is but it's annoyingly actually he's really talented they all are so when we got there certain fights she enjoyed more than others but she didn't have the best night but then we grabbed food on the way home but by the time we left it was too late so she ended up with Domino's so she wasn't it wasn't quite the date night she envisioned if I'm honest no she was probably thinking like you know nice Gordon Ramsay restaurant or like you took her on a team new version of a date night that she was expecting really didn't you yeah so I really sort of messed that one up it's Joanna Page yeah she's here So I'm excited.

9:55I know this is already going to be amazing. The energy of the room is real. It's good. We've literally been laughing since the second you walked into the studio. Have you always been body confident, like doing the lads mags and getting... Oh, God, well, I've always been body confident, always. But doing FHM, I was... I never worried, yeah, again, about like looking like, oh, God, what do I look like? Do I look all right? It was just like, I just feel so stupid and I can't do these poses. but body wise I don't know what it is I don't know if it's well I think when I was growing up I was never the pretty one like in school I wasn't in the crowd of oh it's the pretty girls or you know I didn't I was never pretty I was never attractive I beg to differ you're gorgeous no but like I didn't have any relationships with boys until I got to like 16 I went to an all-girls school you know didn't even have any contact with any boys at all until yeah and then suddenly I came out to do A-levels and I was like, Jesus, I don't know how you talk to them, how you relate to them.

10:56So then suddenly in those years, I sort of went a bit berserk and then like calmed down a bit. What do you mean by berserk? Well, I remember coming home once and I'd been kissing this boy for such a long amount of time. I sort of went from no kissing anyone to suddenly like kissing everybody. And I remember I couldn't go to this barbecue, which I was really gutted about because I had been kissing someone for such a long amount of time that I had like stubble rash, right? Oh, the good old days. But it booed so badly, right? So badly that it went septic and it went green. Oh, my God. And I just had this massive round circle of like this green pus which I'd have to dab and like put a dressing on and then take it off and try and get it to dry out and then it would like, the pus would ooze up again.

11:38Oh, my God. And then I'd have to like keep, and then keep drying it out. I mean, how are you seriously snogging? That's absolutely fucked the whole summer for me. Who taught you how to kiss? What were you doing? Yeah. Was that teeth included? I was literally making up from no contact with any boys from 12 to 16. I did it all in one night. Wow. So, yeah, so I was pretty straight laced up until then. And then, oh, yeah, so hopefully Eve is not going to be like that. So she's 13. Then I've got Kit, who's 11. Yeah. And he's an Aries. And he, it sounds like I'm so obsessed with star signs, which I kind of am.

12:13but he is kind of like the male equivalent to me. Okay. Because I think they say your firstborn son is like the mother and the firstborn daughter is like the father. I've read that somewhere and I'm going to take it as well. Yeah, yeah. I've read that and physically and everything and personality wise, that's the way it's supposed to be. And I like it, so I'm going to go with it. Go with it. And then there's Noah, who's nine, and then there's Beau, who's four. Oh my God. Oh my God. They're quite close in age. It's like two to me. I can't believe, right, that I had the two boys. I had Kit in 2015 and then Noah in 2016.

12:49Wow. And I'm kind of like... You got straight back on it. But I don't remember that, though. I can't even believe that I was having sex. Because in my mind, I haven't had sex for 30 years. Well, half the time you can't feel it after your first, can you? I obviously had no awareness. But I do kind of remember, by the time we got through to Noah, it was very much like, I'm ovulating. get yourself going and put it in for the last bit because that's what's happening that is literally the sexiest get yourself going put it in for the last bit

13:26today we've got the amazing professor green hello welcome thank you for so much for being here thank you do you ever look at kids actually when they're especially really young and just think you're like a narcissistic it's like you've got narcissism and bipolar because you're entirely egocentric everything relates to you and you're also happy and sad within 12 seconds and i'm attaching myself to it and i feel fucking crazy because of it yeah yeah um you just summed up parenting right yeah you just kind of but you just see it being a mother yeah or father yeah towards the end of the day you're just like this is it it's happening i can see it yeah i can see but i'm tired too so sometimes i forget that this is just what happens every single day because if you get you know if you're beyond your normal sleep window you can't regulate you are in between and you're happy and sad within 12 seconds and back and forth 14 times and i'm losing my mind by the time you just go yeah so true they fall asleep so quickly to get to like expel all of that at the end of the day i'm like right how am i i end up eating crisps and watching the pit i'm like sat there just watching pointless television when i should be going to sleep because i need to just we just I just need me time.

14:33And all that is, is just eat shit and think, what the fuck has just happened today? But it's my husband's face when he walks in the door. And I've been used to exactly what you've just described for the whole day with three kids. And he walks in and I'm like... What's wrong with you? You're right, babe. I'm like, I am absolutely fine. I'm hanging on by a thread. Do I look all right? You've got no idea what I've had to deal with. I'm just going to pop out and put the bins out it's not bin day tomorrow, I know it's not and it might take me longer than usual so I'm going to go for a walk around the park because if I don't I'm getting when you see me sat on the roof of the house just rocking it's been a day I used to sit in the kids like Wendy house in the garden yeah I used to sit in there actually there was one time I was in there and I kind of like walked in there and I just shut the door and then my husband like opened up the window, the little would have just handed me a glass of wine.

15:29Oh, did he? And then he just shut the window, walked off. Well done, Jesse. And I was just like... He's a good egg. I know that we're very open to mock our husbands, but I also have to say that he is also like my cheerleader and my rock. Just a big shout out to Jesse Boyce there. Are you ovulating, Louise? I may be. Yeah, that's probably what it is. Normally you're like, I didn't put the fucking minion out last week. I know, don't worry, it's going to drive you mad. He's my rock. He's amazing. Louise is ovulating. I'm ovulating everyone. The last eggs that I've got, they're there. They're coming out.

16:07Welcome to No Parental Guidance, Beverly and Nathan Henry. Yeah, but I accidentally watch porn with my parents. What? Because I bought DVDs. I know, I know. I bought DVDs off a guy that I used to teach swimming. and I thought they were kids DVDs like Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Cord names or something else. Cinderella. Basically, I said, oh, I've got these DVDs. I gave this guy like 40 quid. You know, everyone used to like copy DVDs and they were just in plastic cases. So I was like, oh, look, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Put it on. And the Seven Dwarfs are having a great time over Snow White.

16:44What did your parents say? Well, I said, oh, I'm going to give these DVDs to my friend's little boy. And I said, oh, just make sure they're not scratched or anything. because I didn't want to take them around. It didn't work. Scratch, you never were. Put it in and I was like, started watching it and we were just like pottering around the house and my dad was like, Jesus Christ. And I was like, oh my God. Get it off. Get it off now. All of a sudden you can't find the remorse and it's like, Megan, stop. Is it a cooking program? No, my God. That's just Snow White. So yeah, I unintentionally watched porn with my parents but that was weird.

17:15We've never had a mishap like that, have we, I don't think. Thank God for that. I want to know about some like dating fails that you've had? Have you got any standout funny date stories or have you got any as well? What, for him? For you. Like, have you got any? Yeah, I have. Have you? Yeah. Go on. It was a blind date. I think I went to Middlesbrough and I sat there for about an hour and then he was homophobic and he was racist. Oh, wow. So I put the pint over his head and walked out. Did you? Yeah. When was that? Oh, I am going back about 15 years ago. Was I out then? Yeah. Well, that's good.

17:52How did you know? Did you straight away tell that he was... No. I mean, he was bodybuilder and everything else, and we were just sat talking, and I went, you racist. Yeah. And he was like, and I went, are you homophobic? Yeah. And I went, paint the throat over his head. Did you? Put the glass down and walked out. Good God. Good for you. You are my hero. From reality TV to reality of parenting, please welcome Jess Wright. All right.

18:22Jess Wright:How did you meet your partner? We match made actually. Someone, my brother, Mark, knew him through a mutual friend and said, I really think you would suit this guy. And it took about two years for me to actually meet him. Really? Yeah. And was it an instant thing? It was like about six months. And then it got to six months and I was like, I think this is something. Oh. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. And then that was it. So it was your brother that set you guys up. Yeah. And so you can imagine our wedding. Oh, yeah. Just so you all know, I am responsible. So he stole your thunder again. I'll let him have that one.

18:57Jess Wright:I'll let him have that one. Oh, that's lovely. I met my husband through my brother. Did you? My brother was not happy. Oh, really? No. Was he his friend then? Yeah. Well, they went, they met traveling. And so my son's middle name is George after my brother. Oh, that's really sweet. So now my brother takes full credit. Yeah. Yeah, of course. I think it's a nice way to meet someone is to be match made. I think it's probably the best. It's lovely. Yeah. I think it's really lovely. but it's awkward when you're single and someone goes oh i know somebody that'd suit you and then you go oh my god who is it and you meet them you think oh for fuck oh my god don't yeah like literally why are you setting me up with this person like no yeah do you know me at all yeah and i thought and i don't know why i thought this i guess society but i thought whenever you go on a date with a guy you had to kiss them yeah it's kind of like because the pressure of at the end is she gonna kiss me or is she not gonna kiss me or like and in a way i was like i'll just get it over with and then I could just leave.

19:49I'd love to know who the friend is that told you that you have to snog someone on the first day. Oh my God, don't.

19:54Jess Wright:I just thought that was the norm. If I wasn't into someone, I would just be like, okay, bye. Like, you know, like on the cheek or something. That's done. Jess, what a pleasure. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. Thank you for being here. You've been wonderful. You are a very beautiful insider now. Oh, that's really sweet. And right back at you. I'm very humbled to have you on our show. So thank you very much. Thank you so much. Jess, right, everyone.

20:19Thank you.