Daddies Overnight - From Tinder Success to Nappies and Tantrums

0:00Coming up, Ryan and Matthew. Welcome! How are you finding sleepless nights, nappies, tantrums? You're both going to hate us. He's an angel. You're not in the trenches. I'm not interested. I believe it. We are leaving this. There were so many misconceptions of adoption. I thought it was going to be impossible to do. If you were single, you can't adopt. If you're a gay couple, you can't adopt. Yeah, I thought us being gay, was that going to be just a nightmare? Because genuinely, when you're coming into it, you have no idea.

0:36This episode is brought to you by Peloton. Break through the busiest time of year with the brand new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus. Powered by Peloton IQ. With real-time guidance and endless ways to move, you can personalize your workouts and train with confidence. Helping you reach your goals in less time. Let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push, and go. Explore the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus at OnePeloton.com. Louise, how's your week then? It's been a week. It's been a week. I feel like we should put a bit of a thing at the start of this podcast. We are both, I don't know if we're in sync, but we are both extremely hormonal and emotional today.

1:15So if we start crying. It's very likely that I might cry. I mean, I already want to cry just even saying cry. Do you? And why? What's been going on? we're just having a bit of there's just a bit of trouble with one of my kids at school just a bit of friendship stuff going on and and it breaks my heart it really does oh god because as as a as a deep breath Louise as a parent you can't intervene when it comes to friendships and it's like you've had all the control you know Christmas and being at home and gifts but the second you them off at school. It's like you're almost kind of like mic dropping and you have no involvement with kind of other kids' behavior towards your kids.

1:56So it's really hard. It's really hard and I kind of would love to know exactly what goes on sometimes at school and of course we can't, you know, it's only what your kid says. But you know, there has been an incident that where, where the teacher at the school at drop-off, she literally was like, are you okay? And I just went, no, I'm not. Yeah, but the thing is, Louise, this is perfectly normal and natural. Like as we talk about this all the time, don't we, like the mum load. And it's like overwhelming sometimes when you're rushing here, there and everywhere. And then you think, oh my God, you know, when you wake up and think, what day is it?

2:37What have I got on today? What have I forgotten? God, I apologize. actually I don't because this is real life um but yeah god it's the first time I've cried on our podcast it's okay let it out Louise let it out I feel like it's not just you sat in here with me it's like everybody that's listening is part of this as well I would like to mention that I had my first period in six months as well which doesn't help I've been all over the place um but yeah no the whole kids party um thing um there was a party we didn't know anything about it um and then the kids talk about it you know afterwards as in like your child wasn't invited no she wasn't invited fine that's absolutely fine you know um i get that completely you can't invite everybody um but it's i think there are some children that almost like to rub it in that you haven't been invited or um how great the party was and then so my daughter came to me and she was like oh mommy you forgot to take me to so-and-so's party and i bet you questioned that point thing oh i did question it and i look back um and we were invited to the parties two years prior but not this year um and fine you know that's absolutely fine but that mum guilt comes in because you're because my daughter then thought that maybe I'd forgotten and I don't know what's worse mummy forgot or you weren't invited yeah and my god listen to my voice I'm like oh okay breathe the whole thing of of what we talk about is that load of a parent and how busy we are and juggling everything and we try and make light of it but the reality is it is hard and it's okay to say it's hard it's okay as a mum to say do you know what I'm f***ing knackered yeah like I'm behind with all my chores I've got washing piled everywhere but we all do it and it is tough it is tough um and yeah we are feeling very hormonal today aren't we my god yeah I mean you did say the other week you were like I had this really was it last week oh my god yeah I was So I was, because I am perimenopausal and I, my periods are completely irregular and I'm on the coil.

4:53So I don't know what the hell's going on, to be perfectly honest. And yes, I mentioned to you the other day, I basically had a tantrum. And my husband was like, I've never seen you this angry before. I was angry. Then I was crying. I was all over the place. And then you see a bit of blood. You're like, oh, of course. and I just want to say actually and again this is a bit of a win in this whole clusterfuck of the first few weeks of January um and this is this is a win and this is what I love about women supporting women and just having a support network around you I was meant to meet up with a friend a mum friend and I voice noted her to basically to cancel our plans we were going to meet up um that evening and i just said i can't do it yeah a lot going on yeah i basically sounded like this yeah and so you want she wanted to give you a hug straight away i bet as soon as she heard it i bet she pretty much wanted to drop everything to come and see you she didn't reply um and then an hour later yeah she was at my front door oh my god was she she was like i just needed to give you a hug and say i'm here yeah it was just beautiful yeah because it really made you feel like you have got that support around you and this is my village yeah she was like i'm not coming in I could not ignore that message she gave me a massive hug and she was like we'll meet up whenever you're ready and then I bet your spirits were like well then I sobbed yeah but felt better for it the funny thing is we were like hugging out on the doorstep and then she left my husband was like what's that all about and I was like don't worry about it's fine and then he rang this bell and was like can I have another cup of tea Louise pretty much yeah wow so i've got that out oh that's better just just airing it but it was a lovely amazing story lovely lovely moment any any fails that stick out that you'd like to share with us we had um before christmas we had uh the my sons both of them had a carol service at the church so i was like taking a two-year-old to a massive church for carols is going to be horrendous right so we turned up and where i sat there was quite a bit of space between the pews and um there was like three or four little baby christmas trees and i was like oh perfect like a little nativity scene and different schools in the area decorated different trees and they were probably like three foot tall and i was like annabelle's gonna love that so i was like there you go i took loads of snacks and toys and games and stuff and i said right annabelle you you play with the tree so um off she went and i heard her going chop chop chop chop and i was like yeah i was like i was like yeah chop chop chop chop and she was scraping this paw patrol car on the floor like on the concrete floor and some parents were kind of like you know that look as if like I'm trying to listen to one of the carols do you want to get your daughter shut the f**k up and then I looked around and Annabelle had a pair of scissors in her hand she's two and she was going chop chop chop now it's taken two years to get about eight strands of hair and she had these double bunches at the top of her head I have to bribe her to let me do it and she had these scissors near and I was like oh my god not the hair I turned immediately to look to my side one of the schools had decorated a Christmas tree with scissors, staplers, staple removers that are sharper than the staples.

8:27Literally any hazardous weapons you can imagine. I saw it on my Instagram stories. I saw the tree and I could not believe it. Oh my God. Who does that? My heart rate went to 94, Louise. I mean, it's ridiculous. I couldn't believe it. I was like, what are these kids? Who in a church as well? It's lovely that the schools have decorated it. Couldn't they put some sweets on it? I mean, you might as well put knives in there. I know. About a few grenades. I know. Well, I did look and I was like, oh, shit. What else is in the fucking tree? Do you have a win of the week? I'm sure my win of the week was hormonal.

9:01Do you have one that's more? Yay. Yeah, I do. So it's different having boys where they always wanted me. So from calling in the night or anything, the boys always wanted me. And then I've had this transition of having a daughter where she absolutely idolizes Andy. and it's oh my god it is adorable she's like daddy daddy and I'll say things like oh let's go into the house like bribe her to come into the house from being in the car because she wants to go in the garden and look at everything I'm like come on let's go and see Bradley and Logan and she's always like and daddy I'm like of course and daddy as well but I take it as a win um when she shouts for Andy sometimes in the night that is a massive win I am taking that but then on a morning she always wants me so i'd say after the 28 000 times she's woken up in the night since we've had her there's maybe been three or four times when she shouted for andy and i've been a bit like oh but it's always gonna say are you a bit like excuse me yeah i'm like sorry what do you mean you want him what about me but the three times she's done it has been the three times when i've been exhausted and she shouted for him and the other night she shouted for him in the night but then on the morning she shouted for me like mommy mommy with her arms out and I was like yeah it's just the nicest feeling in the world isn't it when your kid shouts for you but not at 2am all the time so I take every time she shouts for me in the morning I take that as a win yeah because she wants me I like that because she wants Paw Patrol on tv and she wants some milk that's she knows she knows what she's doing you know people like don't where you sleep yeah Annabelle's not deaf she's a girl she knows what she's doing I love that Our next guests are two dads who decided to share their lives with the world and in the process became global phenomenons.

10:47And they've just adopted the cutest little boy and they're here to share their journey with us. Please give a massive welcome to the creators behind Daddy's Overnight, the hilarious duo, Ryan and Matthew. Welcome! This episode is brought to you by Redfin. You're listening to a podcast, which means you're probably multitasking. maybe even scrolling home listings on Redfin saving homes without expecting to get them but Redfin isn't just built for endless browsing it's built to help you find and own a home with agents who close twice as many deals when you find the one you've got a real shot at getting it get started at redfin.com own the dream hello hello hello we're like the big one and the crowd goes wild I thought, honey, you're so far away I know, so far I like this intro It's so weird being called dads Is it?

11:40Yeah, we're intrigued Because normally it's just Matthew and Ryan, comedy couple That is so true And now we're like Oh my god, we're dads It's so weird You're going to go to kids groups And they won't know your names They'll just know your name Your child And you'll be referred to Yeah, that's so true We've got so many people In our phones called So-and-so's mum Or so-and-so's dad That is now your life Yeah It's going to be like Did you watch Motherland? I love Motherland You know when they're like Like Darcy's mum war yeah yeah that's gonna be us oh that's real that's like i don't know kids parents names no not literally i don't know any of them i know the kid but i'll know how many stitches they had after they gave birth absolutely really weird conversations that you have at school gates yeah and it gets too long now like it's been like three years you can't you're committed it's like i know we've been to 10 kids parties together where we socialize but sorry what's your name like you can't do it doesn't even like conversations anymore because you're just like oh how are you?

12:32Let's see you again. Or I get my son to say, what's their name? Yeah. And he'll be like, I don't know. It's like, try and ask her what her name is. And it's like, what's your name? Because my mummy just asked what your name is. It's like, oh, don't be silly. No idea. Of course I know what her name is. Just put it in your leg. It's quite a good call. We're so going to steal that. Yeah. You're going to have to. You're going to have to because you've got this all to come. So let's talk about your dad's journey. You're called Daddies Overnight because it happened overnight. It literally did. It's so funny because it's like, it happens to everyone overnight, but for us, it felt like it was an overnight change.

13:03Like a switch. And then you wake up one day without like a kid and then the next day you literally have a kid. So go back to the start. So you've adopted a little boy. Yes. Because it wasn't really overnight as such because it's been a journey, like a process. Yeah. Excuse me. It's been a process. So tell us from the point of, how did you two meet? We're actually a Tinder success story. I love a tea. It's a story. I remember when we first met, we lied and we were like, we just met at Starbucks. It was so a shame, but this was 2015. I feel like people there were like, taboo, wasn't it? Yeah, it was really weird back then.

13:40And that was only 10 years ago, whereas it's so normal now. But Matthew ghosted me. Yeah, I actually did. It was really bad. You ghosted? Three months. It's weird, isn't it? Three months? It sounds awful. Matthew, what happened? Not that I wasn't feeling it, but I just felt like maybe I wasn't ready for anything, you know? You know, you're just like, I don't really know why I'm on the app. And then it got to Halloween, which makes me sound even worse. Yeah, you sound awful. But because you were, or you are a makeup artist by like... Yeah, trade. By trade. I just ran to me, reached out. I was like, can you do my Halloween makeup tonight?

14:11And I was just like, absolutely not. How awful is that? Is that... Did you? Did you really say no? Yeah, it's like, jog on. I used to work in a nightclub and then you were there that night. And then it comes over. So you didn't do his makeup? absolutely yeah it wasn't politely but i was just like jog on foam down i was like what an absolute mug and then that night i was working in the club he comes up as a dead fab ice lolly i need to see this outfit do we have a picture of it i had vaseline on my face hundreds of thousands sprinkles you know the hundreds yeah yeah what an amazing and then i it was the most weirdest thing i don't know where i've got some in spol and you were like i served you and you were eating them off your face by this time did you know that did you know that ryan was going to be at the club i did i must have but i just wish i could talk to the past me and be like what were you thinking i had quite a few drinks and then you're like can i stay at yours but only so i didn't have to get the train home for nothing else oh don't justify it this is so bad and again i was like no jog on i was like oh like and believe it or not i slept at the train station that night did you yeah he sent me a selfie and i felt great i was like we teach you a lesson yeah it's so weird when we tell the story i'm like we were such different people it's so weird and then i feel like i met that's when i met matthew i was like oh actually you're not like a bad guy you're actually really like like nerdy and funny sleeping rough at the train station dressed like a fad by swally and then we just got on a property and it was like i saw who paid who paid did you pay yeah obviously obviously 10 years later who pays

15:55so how long have you been together now yeah 10 years yeah 10 years 10 years wow a few weeks ago oh congratulations thanks and now your parents i know i mean who would have thought from a tinder swipe it's a disaster a dead fab ice lolly yeah i know that's literally one of my favorite stories we need to have a picture of that to show yeah people watching on that because i definitely have it somewhere it was horrendous it was so bad and those fabs will come back when your son's older and you have birthday parties in the summer those fabs are going to come when he's eating one i'm like this is how i met daddy exactly so tell us about your adoption journey when did you decide you know what we want to be fathers how do we do it how long does it take we always said actually maybe on our first date talking about first dates we spoke about that we both wanted kids so like from the get-go because i feel like especially in like a gay community sometimes it's like you don't want kids kids you want to just not have it sometimes feels like that's like do you want kids let's not waste our time it's like not like now but just like you need to know it's not like one of us get pregnant so it's conversation i think a lot of gay couples have really quite quick just to like do you want kids one day because if you like don't want kids and like what's the point you have to plan for it it's not we can just have a kid yeah and then so um so we went on a holiday and we're surrounded by families and it was really weird because we were like i think we're ready yeah and you both felt that at the same time and it was the weirdest thing i think i was ready a lot like before you were ready but then we were like oh how do we do it it's like we need to start planning because it could take years and did you think about surrogacy well that's why we looked at surrogacy and this is controversial Matthew goes into PR mode quite quick I'm always like oh my because you never know we might explore it no I just felt my experience at the time was surrogacy was just like a massive scam for us because it felt like very clicky it felt you join these Facebook groups like trying to mingle and network and then you would potentially find a surrogate but then it was just very clicky like I would put a Facebook post up.

18:03Like, oh, we're Matthew and Ryan. Love to connect. My post wouldn't get approved, but then Matthews would. Same caption, but it's like, oh, they like Matthews, don't like me. And it's like, I don't want that. Because you're kind of in this network because you're all looking for surrogates. So it's almost like a... You're all kind of like sharks looking for the prey almost. You are, you really are. It's really hard because you're all so desperate to start a family. and you're looking for a vessel. And it's strange because like you said, you have that moment where you're like, I would like a family and you almost can't think of anything else.

18:39Like when you think, we're going to try for a baby, it takes over everything. It's like a smog over your head where you just think, actually, I'm ready now and I want this to happen. Whereas you've spent years going, oh, I don't know if I want it or I don't want, I'll be very careful with those sorts of things. But actually now at that point, you were like, I want it. And everybody else in that group would feel the same. How much does it cost to do surrogacy? I think it does in the UK, not as much as America I think America would be up to 200 grand yeah it's a lot of money in America because you pay for like but with the medical you've also got legal protection whilst in the UK you have no protection so that that woman could give birth to your child and decide to keep that baby and you don't have no life that really scared us but we know people that especially in the UK that have done it and it's been amazing for them but for us we were like something just you know in your gut it's like I don't feel like this is going to work for us right now which was tough.

19:30And then actually what you've done is you have your own child through a family that I know you won't be able to speak of the logistics and things at all about it, but actually a child that's been born, you have given that child a whole new outlook and perspective on life. My parents foster and they have done for years. And some of the stories, it makes me feel emotional all the time, but you just think they've got a child and taken it into a safe place. and that is just one of the most valuable things that you can ever do especially a vulnerable child so this is something close to your heart yeah as well i mean because i was i was saying i was like i was in the system myself growing up so i always thought adoption would be the path but you like you wanted to explore blood didn't you a little bit only because there were so many misconceptions of adoption you know like in the old like 90s movies and i just kind of felt like Like it wasn't, I thought it was going to be impossible to do.

20:28If you were single, you can't adopt. If you're a gay couple, you can't adopt. Yeah, I thought us being gay, was that going to be just a nightmare? Because genuinely when you're coming into it, you have no idea. It was, was that an issue? No, you Google adoption, it's like, oh, I don't own my own house, I can't adopt. And actually all of that is just like myths. None of it's true. So when you get the phone call or the email to say, we have a baby for you, how does that feel? Well, we had that feeling before our little boy. and we were so excited and it all fell they chose a different family in the end it's so tough and that was why that's heartbreaking and why was that just because that child would be better suited to that's what the reason yeah because it's all based on it's like we come second which I think is right because the child always comes first but I guess they could meet that child's needs more but you still have emotions and feelings and it's like because you kind of get in the oh I think we might be considered because you're kind of in the limbo stage and are you giving pictures of the babies yeah you see it all yeah you do you're really invested have this baby and then they take it away yeah yeah and how long from you finding out you were having this baby then you were told you weren't how many weeks oh so you had three weeks yeah so they tell you not to get your hopes up but you can't of course so i'm there like oh i can pitch them upstairs yeah i can you just start picturing life you go into like crazy mode and then when you get rejected you're also then like is it me am i not a good enough parent one point before we But our son, we did have a moment where we're like, I don't think we'll ever get a child.

21:57It sounds like a bit like, I know this is weird and I'm sure there's not even a word for this, but it sounds like adoption miscarriage. Do you know what I mean? That's such a good way of doing it. Yeah, such a good way of... Because is this a normal process when you adopt it? Yeah. You're like, you could have this baby, actually. We've chosen a family. And then, of course, you're going to question, well, are we ever going to get a baby? Oh, God. It's really tough. but I can't like the stars aligning for our son was just so weird so tell us about that then so how that came it basically um we kind of there was this database that you can have access to yeah where you can kind of look the kind of needs that you feel like you can meet and then children kind of get matched to that yeah and we found our son on there and we always said like we both had to have the feeling yeah like whatever the feeling was might have read something and might have seen a photo there might be something in the profile about their like personality we both need to have some sort of feeling for us to be like let's show interest and submit yeah and when we saw our little boy we both were like yes it's so weird really yeah on the screen and we were like this is so weird we didn't even feel like we needed to read much but like it's the first time it's ever happy we were both just like he's our son it was such a weird feeling really bizarre how are you finding sleepless nights, nappies, tantrums.

23:18You're both going to hate us. You're going to hate us. Don't, don't, don't. You're going to hate us. Don't say. He is so easy. Can we tell you? Can we tell you? Can we just tell you? Sleep and schedule. Start from the naps. Right. So he wakes up about 8 to 9am. Stop it. And then he goes down at 12.30 to 1pm until - For a nap. For a nap. To about 4pm. No, he doesn't. Isn't that ridiculous? Isn't it disgustingly good? And he goes back down to like seven to half seven. Seven, half seven to about. And he sleeps through the night. He sleeps through the night. Oh, does he ever wake up? Occasionally.

23:51We've had a few nights, but we've literally just been. TV. Yeah, we've just sort of like. He's an angel. You're not in the trenches. You're not in the f***ing trenches. Give me this s***. I'm not interested. I'm leaving. We are leaving this. And that's the thing. Everyone on night is going to think we're such s***s. Yes, we do. Yes, you are. We get it so easy. But I must admit, like the foster carer, we really thought we were being sold alive because she was like, he's an amazing sleeper. I've got him in this amazing routine. And I was like, I bet he is. I bet he is. And that's all they kept saying was he was this amazing sleeper because that's what we, every parent would have.

24:26But they didn't want to hand him over, didn't they? That's like the worst part of parenting. It's like the sleep deprivation. You do need sleep, don't you? Just a bit. Yeah. Just a little on a weekend. Do you want some of that work? Oh my God. So has he ever woken in the night? Oh yeah, there has been like... And who gets up? We do take it in turns. actually everyone thought it was just going to be me including me and it's hard because ryan's deaf in one ear yeah so it's like i do play that card oh i was gonna say you play that card like but it sounds you don't need to play that card because i'm not like doing i'm still snoring and he you're like he's literally crying because we always try and leave him for like five the foster carer's like leaving for five minutes yeah and that's like the rule like you say you just know you just know if it's like a real cry you know like the fake and then the real i've lost and what about like um nappies any massive poo explosions in public we're like i don't know what to do with this because you're both so well pruned and you look so glad and clean well he's never had like well the worst one was like when we first got him when we first um got him we stayed really locally to the foster carer and it's like transition stage so in that week or that period you spend like the morning with him then the afternoon you spend all day and then the care starts getting more and more.

25:41So you're like getting used to and he's getting used to you. So we were in like a little hotel. Obviously your set-ups are not your set-ups. We didn't have nappy stations. Wipes are like, you ain't got wipes. And when we changed him when he was in foster care, he only did wheeze. So every time we'd open the nappy, we'd look at each other and we'd be like, thank God. The foster carer was really, she was amazing. She was really hands-off. But regardless of that, you still feel like, I'm being watched. And so when we would like peel back the nappy, we'd always be like, thank God there's no poo in there.

26:07But then when we had him just us Obviously the smell Is the first thing you're like right This is our first poo we've ever done I was in the hotel and we didn't have like a Changing mat so we just put him on Like the white bed And he was like I'm gonna wiggle around So poo goes on his legs Arms on us On the white sheets And this is your first nappy change All hands on deck And you've just never seen it was just you've just never seen it in your life what it was like but then it was like where's the wipes and I'm like holding him down with poo on my hands Matthew's running to the lounge to get the wipes can't find the wipes he's now smeared in poo and I'm just like welcome to parenthood we can't clean this turn the shower on he needs like a full on sometimes that that is the answer so we like turn the shower on put him in the bath we all say how do you work the shower I've not used the shower yet so we're like turn all these stupid knobs I'm like trying to turn the shower on not not hot not cold yeah sprays everywhere his poo just goes flying all over us on the wall splash off his skin onto us all over the walls by this point he's like he's not loving life no he's not very happy little boy and we're not very happy and then um the wipes are still non-existent really so we're just using everything to use tissue yeah and i'm like where's the tissue going where's the wipes going just put it in the toilet because there was so much is you know when you go in real like first parenting panic how do babies poo so much so it goes up to their shoulders and then it stains the baby poo stains it's like yellow mustard it's disgusting and then i just got visions of you both going back to the foster care are both of you covered in well we pretty much were but we actually we've had a great afternoon shake the shake we actually then blocked the toilet because there was just so much paper so he went down for the nap and we blocked the toilet we just shut the bathroom door and we just left it yeah but you were in a hotel we're in a hotel i think great just someone else can deal with that and then we just went on the balcony and had a cup of tea like we did it like and then we laughed it was funny it was nice actually because you know like i feel it's a make or break moment when you're that high intense yeah your partner but we were just so thrown in trenches and have you had any bickers because i know that you know it's different with a relationship pre-children too and it's it's not even interesting things that you might disagree on like before you think if my partner cheated on me if he did this if he did that I would be so angry but it's like I get so angry if my husband doesn't put the bins out or if he doesn't pick up a bit of laundry on the stairs it's like well he's gonna move that and you think yeah this is not a big deal but it's so heightened because there's children and well I was gonna say sleep deprivation but what are you guys arguing about now that you didn't argue about before what are we arguing about now I feel like it's I don't know it sounds really bad but I feel like we haven't had that many squabbles about anything yet do you feel like more about I suppose I feel like it's more about life like the laundry I think the piles of clean washing I'm like who's doing that then I feel like the only thing I know we're getting lots of sleep we're getting loads of sleep but I feel like you know when you're like you're not even when he's got his 12 to 4 now he we're not oh my god we're not switching off it's really weird isn't it because we're working we're still like keeping things going and you know like especially with what we all do it's not like proper maternity leaves it's really hard to switch so like you're juggling you turn your take your parent hat off and then you put your job hat on and I think sometimes you just like bicker because you just work work work work and then you've got a parent and there's no downtime welcome to the juggle guys yeah it's relevant i feel like no one talks about it when we meet other people i feel like it's just nice that other people feel the same because you know you get in this like tunnel vision you think god i'm the only one going through this but you're really not no and nobody talks about the tough bits everyone just talks about the amazing bits like oh you know like you know you've said all about sleeping and stuff but actually when you're like oh yeah and then there was like everywhere we blocked the toilet and then this people you wouldn't readily give that story to somebody you first met whereas it would all just appear that it's fantastic and easy yeah i think i'm quite passive aggressive sometimes especially when like our little one like matthew's like really fun i'm the one that's wiping his nose i'm the one that's doing all the like the boring stuff like eat your broccoli and matthew's like let's play let's put like telly tubbies on so he'll go to matthew a lot more so i'm like great you're the favorite like the favorite parent i think that's the only thing I don't know if you've ever found that oh god yeah oh god absolutely that's all the time I think yes it really does like I always thought I'd be like fanbait yeah but when when he's hungry he's gonna know you're gonna give him food no he doesn't know he must still win him chocolate alright you're giving the treats it sounds you're the issue I am tying to the issue but then I it's like there'll be no arguing I'm there like I'm just the fun parent for now you'll find that your son will have preferences and it will go from you to you and then and yeah so you just have to roll with it well yeah you just need to roll with it am i um i think i am the favorite right now because um well i guess my husband's been he's been on crutches for the last few months so he can't really do much yeah so i'm doing everything oh you would be my favorite so i am the favorite right now because i can actually feed them yeah and take them to places yeah um but i'm pretty sure when you know when my husband is normal he's the one that's like you know doing really loads of fun things with them and you know so yeah so I'm quite liking the fact that you know I'm the favourite right now What about you?

31:52Well I'm very much on a morning it's like everybody's late I set everything out the night before organise all the book bags uniform I'm so weird I'm so weird but give me emails to answer and I'm but in terms of getting the kids ready for school I have you know those shoe pull out things where you can put all your shoes into on a coat hanger I put like their clothes in there for the week then it's done on a Sunday just iron everything get it done but on a morning on a morning one of them will be kicking off about a problem and everyone's like all of a sudden it's calm it's like and I'm one of those that would just put music on and get us to just dance in the hallway and like have to do it I'm both in there there's a lot of dancing in my house just chill like there's if you're late for school it doesn't matter like if they shut the gate for the school just ring the bell you are gonna get in like everything is fine I'm not right there I get a panic I feel like I would be panicked I would just be like let's not go to school yeah just have a day off and then you think actually no because I don't have to parent or date let's all go to school oh my god that's so nice actually you can be like right have a good day nine to three kiss kiss bye bye do you think you'll be the kind of dads that will get involved in PTA or the school what's that well I know we've mentioned Motherland because we genuinely are so obsessed and it's so true it's so it's spot on And Amanda Land is like equally as good.

33:14Brilliant, yeah. And you feel like you're just going to have Motherland vibes. Yeah. I want to be like in the WhatsApp group. Like we go to a few like play groups now and I'm already like, hi girl, hi girl. He's desperate for coffee mornings with the mums. Really? Yeah. I love that. I bet they all love you as well. And then you're now kind of sliding in. I'm sliding in a bit, but still like keeping my arms back. Like this is my thing. Do you try and get like the goss about every day? I get the goss. It's weird, isn't it? Do you? It's like parenting goss. And we're like coming in. But there's always parenting goals.

33:42Yeah. But isn't some of it just so like a bit pathetic, isn't it? Oh God. I mean, there is so much to say on this. There's like even the whole parenting WhatsApp chats, there's so much to say. And there's so much that goes on in there. Yeah. And f***iness. Yeah. Like it can get quite a toxic place. Oh, I do love that though. I do love, I just like my hair to popcorn. What kind of support have you had from your own families? Well, my family don't really care. It's really tough, isn't it? So like my family, I thought it maybe changed perspective. If you know many people in your life, you kind of think they're going to show up more when you have a child and it's the opposite.

34:19They don't actually show up. So my family just haven't really showed any interest. Have they met him and they... No, they've just not showed any interest. Right. I had to like say his name to them like, oh, by the way, his name is... I'm sorry. That's really... That's really tough. That's really tough. We've opened up about it online, haven't we? other people have experienced the same thing. It's like nice to know that I'll actually, people, I'm not on my own type of thing. But your family have like stepped up. It's insane. Tenfold. Which I think is nice. Yeah. Oh, it's very nice. So nice. Your whole mum, your dad.

34:55Just have the support there. Like, for example, even like coming here today, we've, like my mum and my dad are so obsessed with being grandparents. Is it their first? Yeah, it's their first. He's so spoiled. Your mum would always want it to be like a nanny. Like she's always wanted it for years. And childcare is hard, isn't it? Because you have the guilt of leaving them. And expensive. Who do you leave them with? Yes. And then the guilt of actually just not being with them. The guilt, the expense. Because the guilt's real. All of it, yeah. But because him bonding with them is equally as important as bonding with us.

35:24But it's really hard because I don't know if you guys found this, but when we get him back, it's like we then have to work to get to his favourite again. Because they spoil him so much. He's like, where's the biscuits on tap? Like he just wants food like this. There's no broccoli in sight with grandparents. No, it'll be like back to the oranges and bananas. It's like your broccoli. Chocolate orange. Yeah. And what about your childhood? Would you want to instant? I want them to have everything different. So I think my childhood, I want, I think I know what I, like I didn't have the best childhood, so I know what not to do.

35:54So I think that's how I've used like my trauma. It's like, oh, I don't want to be the dad. Break the chain. Yeah, I want to make the change. Yeah, 100%. So, and I think with yours, like, being more, I'd say more open with emotions. Yeah, more open and just lots of, like, I love you. Yes, absolutely. And just, like, smothering him with that sort of stuff. It's okay to cry. It's okay to say I'm sad. Share your emotions. And just be honest. I just want, like, a really honest household. Yeah. You know, like, so he can just talk to us about things. Yeah. I feel like he can. Yeah, I feel like he can.

36:24But we're also very much in the, I want him to almost have a 90s childhood with, like, the Noddies and, like, Rosie and Jim. What's he watching now? Oh, my God. We're obsessed with raising Jim. So old school. What's your thoughts on screen time? Because people at the start of the parenting journey have very different views to give it six more months. And you're like, we're f***ing a tablet on the plane. I was going to say, take a tablet on the plane. But I feel like we're going to give it to him. Because we heard if you get on the plane and give it to him, they're not interested. Whereas if you ease it in.

36:54Because he's never been on the screen. Ease it in. When you feel like you're going to need something, then ease it in. Absolutely. He has screen time. but it's just like I suppose like a normal amount if I need to do the dishes or I need to do something why would I make my life hard but you know before you have kids you kind of think when you go to a restaurant god isn't that a shame they're all just looking at their screens but now that I've got a kid I'm like probably because the parents need some time to eat and also the other people around you they've gone out for dinner they don't want to be interrupted it's so true everyone has such again it's like comedy it's so subjective everyone has such different opinions don't they you know my biggest thing is that I feel like I've learned you know like um when you see kids before you have kids and they're always really like snotty and you're always like oh are they not wiping the nose now we've got a kid I know that you can't wipe the nose you try try and wipe their nose especially if they've got a dummy in their mouth and it's like connects and crusted and it's like a you're not going to get the dummy out and b you won't get into that yeah unless you like headlock them and you get the wet I mean somebody came up to me and was like um I'm just going to use a wet wipe and I'm going to try and scrape off the crust.

38:01And then it will start going all watery. I get snotty noses now. Just get your kids to try and do it themselves. Make it like a task. Well done, you've done it. Here's a reward. Have, I don't know. My daughter's like, no, no. And they're like, go here, go. You have to re-upend him down. I'm like, I'm like, ooh. And then you always have like a couple of crusty bogeys like stuck around them. And then you're like, oh, now it actually looks worse. When you play that game, you're like, do I go back? Or am I just like going to leave this battle? Do I go for round two and just do everything? He always cries at the end of a meal because he just loves eating so much, doesn't he?

38:33Okay, so your baby sleeps really well and your baby eats really well. I mean, Louise, just looked at each other like, leave because it sounds like you guys have absolutely nailed it. He really does, yeah. He eats everything and sleeps. Apart from pasta. So what have you learned about each other since you've become dads? I feel like we've learned that we're such a good team because we do everything together. But we are though, Ryan. Ryan just rolled his eyes for anyone that's listening okay okay I'll give you go on I'll let you finish after everything we've been through to get through to having this boy I feel like come on okay yeah I take my eye roll back it's so I'm like put your eyes back it's so testing I'm not even joking I think we've actually realised like what a good team yeah you're so right what a good team it feels bad now yeah I do feel bad we want I think to go for what we went through and just to like have him and learn to parent so intensely.

39:27But I feel like I've learned that I'm more chilled. I just need to get calmer. And is that because you're heightened in the situation? I think maybe it's the control. I forget that he can't communicate. And I think, I thought parenting was going to come really easy to me. I think I've actually quite struggled with understanding that he can't understand because he's just a baby. Yeah. And like, you know, when you talk to an adult, it's like, why can't you understand? I think I need to get better at that. Yeah. It's hard when they can't talk. when they can't talk it's a guessing game and everyone in the room is going what what well exactly when they're ill they can't tell you what they're feeling and when like now when your kids are older when they can talk they say mummy my tummy hurts I've got a headache or I'm hungry it's so nice thank you I know what's going on and also when babies are babies they don't know that when you're trying to give them cowpaw that it's beneficial for them but so many kids to like, oh, they don't open their mouths.

40:26And then comes the antibiotics. He actually loves Calpol. He just sits on the floor. I think it's time for you guys to leave. Okay. I'm not even joking. He literally sits there and he's like gagging for it. Yeah, you're going to say, and he loves a taste of antibiotics. We saw someone at the paper we go to. She was trying to give her kids antibiotics and it was just constant. It's one of the most traumatising things I've done in my life. And then he was going there, ready, like, to take it. I'm like, oh, no, no, that's not yours. Because it's in the same thing as the... He's sat on the floor like, come on then.

40:57He's literally like acid. You do sound extremely blessed. We are very blessed. That's why if we have another one. I was going to say, do you think you'll have another one? We'll have a demon. Yeah, we know it'll be absolute. Well, there is some science behind this. I read somewhere that with siblings, they have to be different from each other to find their own self or something. That's not right, but there is something behind that. So if you have an easy one, your next one might be horrendous. That's just... You're alerted. come for me for that people that's just something I've read somewhere if you can invite us back when we've had a I was going to say we might do we'll be like we've not slept they don't f***ing sleep they don't eat they just scream we haven't slept we hate it I feel like everything will get eclipsed from this episode it'll be like a complete difference good for you good for you we'll just have a montage of everything you said today and then you'll both be sat there with like eye bags down and you're like dying and for all our listeners you can find these guys anywhere on TikTok Instagram, YouTube just search for Daddy's Overnight for more of their parenting journey.

41:53Thank you so much. Thank you so much. If you've enjoyed this conversation, please don't forget to subscribe to the channel so you never miss an episode.