Emily Norris On The 1% Birth Injury No One Warns You About

0:00Shout out to our sponsor Jet 2 Holidays saving parents everywhere with free child place holidays Millions available for summer, even in the school holidays. That's a miracle in itself. Coming up, Emily Norris. Wow. You know those things about birth that you think no one told me that? I never knew that could happen, but apparently it happens like 1 % of births. So I had my eyelids done. It's actually what Lindsay Lowe did. I actually need to ring Kris Jenner's surgeon and be like, listen, hun, can we have a chat? Because I was stood up breastfeeding, my husband was like, I'm going to have a number two.

0:33And we didn't lock the door. I'm stood there just boob out everything. He's stood up wiping, right? And her face.

0:49Welcome back to No Parental Guidance. Hannah, how are you? Oh, I'm fantastic, Louise. You're looking fantastic. Oh, so are you. I was thinking last night of like a parenting fail. Yeah. And it was, I've told you this in the past where when Bradley was born, I was back to work presenting six weeks after I gave birth. Crikey. Got this phone call to say I had to be up in Scotland. So like bombed up the motorway through Bradley to my mother-in-law and was like, driving to get there. This guy, one of the like producers at the event said, and he was asking me about having babies and stuff. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I've like, I've got a really like little baby where it's like, I'm really unhinged, exhausted.

1:28I don't know what I'm doing or my name or my pin number who I am and uh he's like right cool so if you just want to sit here um I'm just gonna and all I heard him say was like go to the toilet and I thought oh my god I need the toilet maybe I've just weed myself a bit anyway but like you know so I got up and followed him to the toilet I was so tired I followed him into the urinals oh my gosh like and he stood there and started to get his out and I was like are you like you're being really inappropriate right now he like turned around and looked at me as if like what the are you in and i was like oh god sorry is this the men's toilets and he was like yeah and then i thought oh babe you're that tired he thinks that i maybe want to look at his something i don't know but um i turned around and walked out i was like i'll just go to the ladies there i was like i need sleep oh but that tiredness it does crazy things but it's that fog you know So like six weeks, people say like the six week mark after you've had a baby.

2:23It's like you get through the first six weeks, things do change a bit. And I just got up to that point where I was at the six weeks and I was like, that is one of the most embarrassing things I've ever done. And then he came out the toilet and he was like, did you find the ladies' loo? And I was like, oh God. I was so embarrassed. It is embarrassing. But you know what? I mean, we've all done it. I mean, I've not done that. but sleep deprivation is horrific it's horrific it's like underrated and the audacity for partners to be like i'm really i'm really tired oh you've been snoring all night yeah shut up yeah shut your face what's your parenting fail so this is unbelievable actually so last night we were around the dinner table all five of us and we're about to go on a jet two holiday over half term which is very exciting and we're going to lanzarote which i'm really excited about and And my son, my eldest, is taking Spanish GCSE.

3:19So he said, when we're there, I can speak Spanish. And I'm like, yeah, that's a brilliant idea. Of course you can. And then my daughter, who is six, says, I can speak Spanish. And I kid you not, we all turn to her and she's six. Yeah. And I can't speak Spanish. But she just goes, a whole sentence of perfect Spanish. And we're all like, are you a genius? Where on earth did you learn that?

3:54What did she say? She got it from the Goonies. Do you know this? That character, Mouth, who can speak Spanish. and in the beginning he's like translating. So then I was like, oh my God, what the hell has she said? So we had to watch The Goonies and this is what she's saying. If you do a bad job, you'll be locked in here with cockroaches for two weeks without any food or water. So I thought she could say that in Spanish and it's word for word. It's unbelievable. Oh my God. Okay, you're watching way too much of The Goonies but also brilliant that you're interested in Spanish but also please don't say that.

4:34I remember when my mother-in-law said to me about, I mean, I shouldn't say this on podcast, but it's fine. She was like, Andy's ex could speak eight languages. I was like, really? And I was like, well, because I remembered when I did my GCSE French exam and I had an Irish French teacher. So she would be like, Bonjour, I'm a pale hana. So I'd be like, Bonjour, I'm a pale hana. But it was really confusing because she was like, she was speaking French in an Irish accent. So my whole class was ruined because it's like... That's brilliant. Terrible. That's brilliant. So when my mother-in-law was like, when I first met her, can you speak any languages?

5:14And it was like, bonjour. And I couldn't help it. Bonjour. I don't know. It's terrible. Can't do it. Oh, we butchered the language. Yeah. We also have a win of the week. Oh, lovely. Because thanks to Jet2Holidays and their never-ending optimism, we have a listener win of the week to read out. And I love these wins of the week, actually. Okay, my win is I told my five-year-old that the three pieces of broccoli on her plate were me, daddy and her brother. And she could choose who she ate. She giggles in this really evil way and eats me every time. It does mean that she only eats one out of three and I get killed each time.

5:52But at least something green has entered her body. That is a win of the week. I mean, I think when a child just eats well, it is such a win. Oh, yeah, you love it when you're like, oh. I mean, green. Especially when you start weaning. And it's like you spend ages doing these ridiculous things where you could literally just buy a pouch from the supermarket. But as a roll, under so much pressure, it's like, oh, I made it from scratch. And then you get the spoon to the mouth. Hey, come to the big aeroplane. And then if they're like, and you're like, God damn it, it's taken me ages to do that. Or they put it in your mouth and then they go, and it just spits out.

6:27Like, no. I used to get with Bradley, I'd get the, you know, the Petit Fleur yogurts. Petit filou. Petit filou. Petit filou, innit? You know what I mean? Petit filou and that. Petit filou. I know you're not very good at French, but come on. Bonjour. So I did, petit filou, whatever you call it. So I'd get like... Petit filou. Petit filou. I'd get the yogurt or I'd get like a curry that I'd made him that he wouldn't like. Yeah. And put the yogurt on top and then he'd be like, ooh, it's a yogurt. Oh, that's clever. And then he'd go to eat it. But actually, I think that was a terrible thing to do because he went through a phase of being such a f***ed eater.

7:02yeah for years and then with my second kid I didn't have time to be like you know feeding him I remember he got to like six months and you know when the health visit is like six months they need to be on solids we put ourselves under so much pressure as mothers yeah you know they need to be doing this they need to be doing that and you have to remind yourself we all get there yeah but we are under so much pressure and scrutiny that it's it's almost like crippling sometimes to be like I need to be like that person and that person and I should be fire I am a ringy tenner lady as we speak so I'd have to take it all back.

7:31Don't want to sneeze. Joining us today is a woman who has turned her mum tips and tricks into an art form. She started her YouTube channel back in 2014 just to save memories and help her sister with weaning tips and now she's a digital powerhouse with over 850 ,000 subscribers. She's a Canadian-born mum of three boys who manages to make the chaos of parenting look like a breeze. Please welcome the incredible Emily Norris. Wow. Thank you. So excited to come on. An intro. Thank you. Welcome to No Parental Guidance. So happy to have you here. Thank you so much for having me. We're going to go straight in because your online presence is phenomenal.

8:14Oh, thank you. Are you really that perfect? No. Oh, thank God. No. No, I always think if I had vlogged with my first, it would have been so different. I started vlogging when I had my third, really. So I felt like this seasoned mom who actually had some tips. I was like, guys, this is what's worked. This is what hasn't worked so far. So I felt like I looked really organized. Actually, I'd been through the, you know. Hell. Yes. And like the learning of like, okay, now I'm in a routine. Now I'm in my schedule. Now I know what's going on. So how old are your boys now? So now it sounds crazy. They're 15, 12, and 9.

8:51so I'm in this weird kind of like middle bit of parenting yeah where they still need you but you're not like in the trenches and you're you're almost like watch like you're not watching on the sidelines either it's like a it's a weird sort of I know what you mean like my eldest is 13 and I'm really feeling this shift at the moment like he's we've just given him his own bedroom before he with his younger brother and just giving him this room it's like he's grown up even more and he's in his room he's tucking himself away a bit more he wants a bit more privacy and I'm like come downstairs and chat with me and he's like I mean it's such a shift when they start senior school though isn't it and yeah and so your eldest is 13 yeah and from 13 to 15 it's been such a jump as well like In what way?

9:40He's an actual man now. It's weird. Is he? Like deep voice? Yeah. And like the size of him, he's so much bigger than me. Is he? And, you know, he walks into the kitchen and I've had moments with the, like there's an intruder. Oh my God. In the house. And then it's like, oh no, it's my son. But it's the weirdest thing. It's like another man in the house. And yeah, I think that's been hard. Like he's just, he's grown physically. He grew eight inches in six months. Wow. Like those are the growth spurts. Like it's just, it's just, and they're eating everything. Oh my God, the food is insane. It's crazy.

10:16Does he, does he, does he wash regularly? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. They're quite hygienic. Yeah. So yeah. We like to think that. Do you remember him reminding to shower? Yeah. My teenage. Yeah. I mean, they can't really be bothered. I've tried to introduce like skincare, but that's like, you know, you got to keep it really simple. Yeah. But then I remember at school, boys used to smell of that like eggy BO. and it's hormones isn't it yeah and it's like that egg smell and they'd like waft past you and their clothes they'd wear the same jumper two days in a row but actually when you get to puberty it's like you need to keep like washing then they just yeah he does my son does stink and I'm like I'm the only one that's going to tell you like let me tell you instead of like I don't know a girl at school making fun of you I'd rather it came from me but he's just not bothered at the moment I think when he I don't know maybe oh no I think that is coming because now like you know he's got weights and he's thinking about the gym.

11:08Does he have a girlfriend or boyfriend? No, no, there's no, not that I know of anyway. I just want our household to be a place where it's, you know, it's not taboo. Yeah, no, we're very much the same. And like we have conversations about, you know, like sextortion and all the things online, which is really scary. Sextortion is a thing and it happens more than we know it. And it happens to boys. Yes. Because they get sextortion is when a girl, it's a scam, scammer. It's probably, it's a man somewhere and pretending that they're a woman. Like a teenage girl. That's interesting. And they're sending naked pictures of themselves.

11:43And they say, send one back. So this boy will send one back thinking that he's going to get something back. And then they try and sell it. And they bribe this boy for money. And it can get really, really awful. You draw back to, well, that never happened in my day. Yeah, because we didn't have it. I didn't even have a photo phone. There wasn't even a camera on my phone. I had like the old Nokia thing. Yeah. So we had those conversations. 3210, playing snake on it in your bedroom. What are you doing? I'm well busy. Playing snake, aren't I? That's it. So busy with that, with Tamagotchi. I haven't got time for socializing.

12:12I never got into the Tamagotchi. Did you not? No. Paul Louise. I'm going to get you some tea and toast in the Tamagotchi. Stop it. I cannot believe I'm going to stay on the tea and toast. Even Emily's had tea and toast. You said it was so good. It was. I thought it was iconic. It was a real, like, reward. speaking of which you broke your tailbone during labor yeah crazy i know i know i you know those things about birth and you think no one told me that but that i was like i never knew that could happen but apparently it happens like one percent of births how did that happen well there was a few things which i think i have very fast births so my first son it doesn't sound fast but it was seven hours from start to finish but that is quite quick for a first and then my second was like half of that and then my my third I actually had at home on the living room floor I watched your video in 40 minutes did you oh god oh that's just made me feel embarrassed for some reason it was beautiful I watched it with my daughter at five this morning oh my gosh amazing yeah but I think the speed of it but also I was laying flat on my back you know you see in the movies yeah you know like and apparently that's actually not the best way to give birth and I've got tilted pelvis you know like it was like a perfect storm for like that to happen but i was in loads of pain after giving birth and i thought i don't know why i'm in pain back there but they did a an x-ray and yeah they were like it's fractured and there's not much we can do about it but it hurts even now oh my gosh i know so if i sit on a hard chair for a while i say to fraser if he's 15 i'm like this is your fault that wow do you think it's because you were on your back i think so yeah it was really uncomfortable and with the second and the third i i was stood up or on all fours yeah and i didn't have a problem yeah and actually that was the that was the one job I said to Matt when I went into labor with the second I was like just don't let me give birth on my back and at one point they were like sort of you know they just do a check and he immediately like then flipped me over onto you know onto all fours so that I could give birth because he was just like I just knew I'd never live it down if I let that happen again kind of thing but yeah it was awful really it's funny the positions obviously talking about birth here yeah nothing sexual but like for me naturally was like leaning with my arms over the top of the bed yeah and I remember my husband being like oh my god you look like wolverine yeah and I remember being like you Andy like I'm literally not to be severed like why would you say that um but do you know when you're in that much pain yeah you go you really do go like animalistic like the noises and like all of it mooing really yeah it's like it's yeah it's the equivalent they say or some people say to like breaking seven bones at once.

14:51And then there's you just like, yeah, and I broke my tailbone as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make it eight. Do you remember the feeling? The head comes out and then they move, don't they? They twist. Yeah. And you're like, what the hell is going on? Yeah. What's happening? And they're like, the baby's moving. The baby knows what it's doing. And the next push, you'll be out. But that movement of the head when it's out is so peculiar. And you know when they say, oh, do you want to touch and feel the baby's head? That does help. And the first time I remember being like, oh, no. And I was like, oh, go on then.

15:21And then you tap and feel and you're like, is that? Is that my s*** on my hands? They must just know that that works. That makes you find something. You just get that extra beast, don't you? Any parenting fails? Yes. I think the most embarrassing moment I ever had as a parent was I'd given birth to my second son. he was like three weeks old and we were like we're gonna venture out to the shopping center and I needed to breastfeed him and I know you shouldn't breastfeed in a disabled toilet but you know you just need some privacy and I was like desperate so we nipped into a disabled toilet me my husband the baby but he was my second so I stood up breastfeeding him so because I was stood up breastfeeding my my husband was like I'm gonna use the toilet so he was like okay I'll just have number two while you're doing that so I was like fine whatever like we've been together however long and we didn't lock the door so this little old lady opens the door and I'm stood there just boob out everything breastfeeding a small baby he's on well he isn't actually sat on the toilet he's stood up wiping right and her face was just like she just closed the door and backed away but the worst bit was when we walked back out she was waiting and she didn't she was not impressed like she wasn't like oh you know don't worry like she was just visibly like angry because she's thinking it stinks in there and she's seen that she's seen that oh it's just it was the most embarrassing thing ever yeah it's just a classic of a of a woman give like breastfeeding or doing something help from the dad just taking a yeah yeah i could just imagine your face being like this oh my gosh and what like how would you describe like because you you look so pristine so it's like and you know your instagram your social media everything is just like on another level so i'm thinking how is it on a morning getting do you shouting like get you out of your f***ing bed now I've got school you know how do you navigate that with like everything looks pristine and clean like well to be honest I've always been really obsessed with routines and structure and that kind of thing but I think it is more for me than the kids yeah like I grew up in quite like a shouty household and I think I I wanted to be like this calm secure organized space so I try but obviously yeah do you shout at your kids every now and then well i don't know i'm more of a like lock myself in the bathroom count to 10 person than uh i go in there for two days to be honest i'm like come and get me out of here sometimes if i'm really losing it i'm like i need to take myself out of this situation but that scares the kids more than anything yeah and if you walk away and you're like yes do you know what you're so right you're so right yeah yeah i've done that a couple of times where i've literally like open up the front door and sat on the doorstep and just shut the front door and then they know that I'm there and they're like looking through the glass window like are you alright and I'm like I want a snack I just need some time a minute to just sometimes I just get in the car and drive around or scream yeah do you know that's such a good hack listen to really loud music as a parent but even when I had three boys under the age of five sometimes I just think I'm just gonna put them all in the car you know like when one won't strap them in you put them all in the car and then like the one that needed a nap was asleep and you can get a coffee from the drive-thru and like I was like sometimes I would just I meant in the car by myself and scream the kids at home and swear it's like everyone and everything taking the kids so how would you say your upbringing reflects on how you are as a mother now I think it's funny that when you become a parent it really makes you look at your upbringing doesn't it and you think okay I like that I don't want that I'll take that um but it was got my mum actually was a teen mum so she had my sister at 17 and then she had me when she was 20 can you imagine wow I've got a 15 year old and I think in two years like he can barely look after himself let alone yeah so it was it was such a different experience because we're almost like sisters all you know yeah all sort of growing up together and my dad wasn't really involved he was like a big drinker so there was like I think I came from like a chaotic you know shouting you never really knew like like say if my dad did come over it might be like is he gonna be what's the mood gonna be like it's all very unpredictable I guess so for my voice I was like okay I want to know like what's going on them just feel super secure and actually I've married a man who is like so reliable so secure you know and how did you meet your partner well we actually met I was 22 but I actually used to waitress in a restaurant and he used to come in every Sunday with his family yeah and we'd always like see each other like as teens so yeah and how did you start talking was it like mobile number on the napkin well I was working in the Toby Carvery when he came in oh love it yeah gravy everywhere and uh but I didn't actually meet him until I was 22 in a nightclub and he was like you're the Toby Carvery girl I was like yeah I don't want to be known as this but um but then yeah but then we just got chatting and yeah I feel lucky that I met him quite young and that you know he was like the right guy and it all sort of worked I still have friends, you know, still looking or, yeah.

21:00So I do feel lucky in that respect. And how did he propose? We're actually in Venice. Oh, lovely. I know. He's a beautiful place for us. Boy did good. Yeah. I actually booked the trip, so I wasn't expecting it. And I didn't know, but he had a ring in his pocket for the whole trip. He was like waiting for the right moment. And this one point we're in this tower in Venice and I literally elbowed him. I went, this would be a nice place to propose. And apparently he was gunning, but then I ruined it. Oh, no. You ruined your own proposal. Yeah, yeah. And then on the last night, I actually thought he was going to break up with me.

21:33He drank, he doesn't really drink. He had half a bottle of wine. He was acting really strange. But it was obviously that he was just nervous. Because he was like the last night of the trip, he's like, I've just got to do it. He thought I was going to break up with you, but as she was proposed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I literally was thinking it's all over. He's acting really weird. But yeah. I remember when just before my husband proposed, I was like, are you okay? And he was like, yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I was like, do you need a poo, babe? Because you're acting a bit weird. And then when he proposed, I was like, oh, my God, I can't believe I just asked you if you needed a **** before you proposed to me.

22:03So we've been together a long time. But obviously parenting, like, you know, it challenges you in ways you don't even. What do you disagree about most? So I'm probably the softer parent in a way. Like he he's more of the like, I feel like he he'll discipline them a bit more or be a bit more strict. I guess whereas I'll try and be a bit more like I still love the routine and structure but I still want to have fun and I don't know like I let my son at Christmas get a pet snake did you? did you? I know wow that's cool your eldest one but I kind of want to be that cool mum yeah it was my youngest I want to have a cool mum yeah I'm trying I'm not at all my youngest that's all he really wanted for Christmas so I sort of like twisted Matt's arm like can we get a snake and then had to look into it and it was like a whole thing are they quite easy to look after?

22:53they're easy yeah that's actually not a good not a bad shout yeah yeah yeah yeah desperate for a pet and i get him a fish or something yeah yeah honestly is snakes inspired like how big is it quite big actually it's gonna grow to four foot so i couldn't deal with if my kids were like could i get a snake or a spider oh no what if they get out the cage can i tell you there's a my local pub it's actually run by a friend of mine she owns it and um they have a pet tarantula in the pub like in a tank and it's escaped oh don't are you joking no for real and the and recently they had like a you know come to the pub and and i was like i'm good yeah but i can handle snakes maybe not a four-foot one yeah yeah yeah yeah i swear half my emotional stability comes from having a holiday booked oh same jet two holidays make it simple low 60 pound per person deposit pay monthly and by summer it feels like a gift from past you sunshine therapy already paid for and is so how do your kids um they're fine with being on your videos on youtube yeah yeah do you know what it's funny because i started so long ago 12 years ago i don't know if i was starting today like if it would be different i feel like now you know a lot of people don't show their children or their faces and i and i think maybe I should have done that like I don't know it's weird at the time though when I started I had no followers I had no one really watching and I was just really documenting my life which was them so I did show them a lot and you know now they're older I think from the age of 10 if I was going to post on social media like just a picture on Instagram I'll say you know are you happy is this okay but it's a tricky it's really tricky but if they're fine with it yeah well it's To be honest, at the moment, it is like one of their biggest flexes.

24:51They're like, oh, my mum's a YouTuber. Or, you know, they seem to love it. But I do worry in the future, I think, will this, you know, will it be like a Brooklyn Beckham thing? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That whole thing. The whole situation with that, it just makes me think, oh, my God. Like, obviously, we don't know the ins and outs. We never know the ins and outs. But the thought, it really petrifies me that one day my son would turn around and be like, actually, my mum has ruined this and my mum's embarrassed me. And obviously they're on like the world's platform. But the thought of my son ever turning around and saying, which naturally he will because nobody's a perfect parent.

25:30I will do stuff that will irritate him as much as he does stuff that irritates me. But the thought of him wanting to kind of disassociate himself from me and the family one day really, really breaks my heart. But the memes of Victoria Beckham dancing, he's just going to be living forever. But did you watch the Beckham documentary? Yeah. When they said, she actually said when they lived in Madrid and he was very young and the media attention, she said, I always worry about how that affected Brooklyn. Yes, she did say that. Yes, she did say that. She said that. Like the trauma of that. They couldn't go anywhere.

26:02And the affair had just happened. You know, like it was a whole thing. So. I mean, they're so high profile. I mean, obviously, see, my boys. I always feel like with social media. as long as I'm just very fair and respectful and, you know, like sometimes I get comments that say, you never show discipline in the kids, but I think you do have to have boundaries around what you will show. Of course. And what you don't show. I mean, what anyone shows on social media is like a snippet of what actually really goes on. But I do love that you are really open and honest because you've had some, and I can never say it properly, blasphemy.

26:37Oh, yeah, I know. Blephs. Blephs, blephs. Yes. Which is I. yes what is it eyelid um cosmetic surgery what is it called what is what is this it is like oh so I had my eyelids done yeah and I watched again I watched your YouTube video and the before and after is phenomenal and I love that you're being really honest and open about it you do look phenomenal and are you you must be happy with the results yeah no I'm really pleased and I think I wanted to share it because I you know we talked about my boys are getting older and I feel like I can do a bit more for myself now of course and over the past couple of years I've really started to like work out, look after myself, eat better, you know, like have that time.

27:15And then it was something I'd wanted done for a long time. And what does it entail? Sorry, they actually, it sounds gross. I've watched so many videos on how they do it, but they cut out. I had really hooded eyes. Mine like ball bags at the minute. Oh, no, yours are lovely. What is this? I had like sort of crepey skin and they cut it out. And then you have like, it's actually what Lindsay Lohan did. I saw her. Did she? Well, yeah, I think she did it. And I was like, oh, okay, this is something. And lots of celebs have done it. And it's like quite a simple procedure. Yeah. And I thought, should I share this?

27:49Should I not? But then I thought, I'm just going to share it. Well, good for you because a lot of people will say like, oh, I've never had this. I know. But now it's like. And then you see the befores and, you know. And you think you definitely don't look like you did 10 years ago now. And actually, there's so many things you can get done. I just need to ring Kris Jenner's surgeon and be like, listen, hun, can we have a chance? Start saving. Yeah. I will never be able to afford anything. tell me what you can do yeah but I love that you talk about it because there are you know lots of women out there around our age uh how old are you yeah 42 yeah yeah I got so many messages from people saying oh wow I'm looking to have this done or asking for the details of where I had it done and I think for me it's something I wanted but then also I didn't need to be put out for it it was they just um you know sedate that part of your eyes or what is it freeze it yeah so I liked that because I don't know if I'd like the being put under.

28:41Now I'm so much more scared of things like that. Oh, my God. I'm terrified of everything. Or skiing. Oh, I'm terrified of everything. Escalators. We were meant to go on a hot air balloon ride recently and I was terrified. I was thinking of worst case scenarios. And then the day of the balloon ride, it got canceled because of bad weather and I was so happy. Oh, you're like relieved. But it was because I was like, what about the kids? Like nothing can happen to me. Yeah. And it's a worry about if something happened to me, what would the kids be dressed as yeah do you know what I mean their well-being they'd be fed but I'd be thinking my daughter's gonna go to school looking like looking with Morticia Adams or something and then like I had an operation in December and I had to be like put to sleep it's endometriosis oh yeah I've had that yeah so I had had that surgery and I was thinking I've had it before and I was like oh god if something actually happened to me I'm a few years older so I wrote a letter to each of my kids and then I wrote a letter to them like a bit at the bottom to say you know if you're reading this on your wedding day oh my god but you do go there don't you thinking that like if I died I was convinced I was gonna die and not wake up because I was thinking you know it's such a worry you have so many different considerations it's not about like oh god if that happened to me but then you're like oh my god what if I didn't see them on the wedding day or what if I didn't see them you know Annabelle she might do a wee in a potty and I might not see it you know I'm still waiting um but it's all those little things it just changes the complete dimension so obviously you had the same surgery to remove endometriosis and stuff and then did you say you started your periods like really early as a young girl yes yeah I don't know if it is like if that's the reason why I'm sort of going through perimenopause I don't know if it is early How old did you get your period then?

30:29Well, 11. I was still in primary school. I do remember being in primary school. Oh, well, that's unfair, isn't it? I know. And needing a bra, you know, all of that. I remember it being very embarrassing. But, yeah, now I'm going through the perimenopause. And I always think, is it because I started that early? Is that why this is happening early? But then I don't know. I think some of the research around perimenopause is like you can start 10 years, like symptoms, 10 years before you go through menopause. and the average age is 47. It's fun, isn't it? So, yeah. Yeah. I'm loving your content on perimenopause so much.

31:04I feel bad sometimes because I really, like, go to town with my husband. Like, the other day he was chewing and I just wanted to kill him. Honestly, it's so funny you say that because that sound of the chewing and the breathing. The breathing and the chewing. Honestly, you just want to kill them. The week before my period is really, really bad. But what is it about them chewing and – sorry, can we just talk about – Lots of signs for like perimenopause. So I need to look out if I want to kill somebody when they breathe. Well, see, this is what's so hard is there's so many different symptoms. Yeah.

31:35So my main symptom in perimenopause was just not coping anymore. Like not coping as I used to. So little things that would seem really easy would then not be easy. And actually with me, it coincided with when we moved house. So I was very much like, you know, I think we're very good at like finding reasons why things are hard. I was like, oh, we've just moved. I'm really stressed or is this. but actually my hormones were just going a bit crazy I didn't really get the the hot sweats or you know the typical things you're expecting I just did not feel myself um I think that's spot on I didn't feel myself but I was also going through um I used to get these hot flushes and you'd be sitting there feeling completely fine and all of a sudden you get this wave of absolute like you're in Bikram yoga or something like it's just crazy and you're so hot and you want to rip all your clothes off and you're embarrassed because you're like that I'm so sorry it's so hot and you're like no it's actually quite cold in the end I went to a clinic that specializes in menopause and they I felt like they actually listened they took some blood tests they because I was like I have zero libido zero you know this I've got no motivation whereas I used to be super productive and they did a not that blood test is always the answer but they did a blood test and they were like your testosterone should be between like 1.2 and 1.4 and it was like 0.8 or you know she was like you do like no wonder you've got a libido you're you know yeah it's gone yeah it's left the building yeah so yes it's so hard for your relationship you know if you've got oh my god you weren't doing rudy so you're not interested and then all of a sudden your partner's feeling like neglected and you're angry and you hate them breathing honestly so not only have you lost your libido yeah you can't stand the sound of them breathing or eating and you kind of feel a bit lost in yourself so you're a bit like right so that's why what is going on and you started to put on weight that was the thing i started to put on weight and i had no motivation and i was just like yeah it did feel a bit like because david gandy called it the horny patch the hrt so that gave you a bit of testosterone and what were you doing like humping tables and stuff yeah you've got it you've got to get the balance right because i think it can't go like that because i went back and then she did my buzz and she was like oh now it's a two she's like you need to have less than that testosterone yeah so that's and i was like oh but did it make a difference yes okay because i need to get on the testosterone that's the one i haven't got yet i've got progesterone and estrogen yes and a friend of mine went on testosterone and she said that she went from having no libido to then being like a teenager boy yes she's like i'm a walking erection yeah it makes such a difference and i was like give me some of that but then the estrogen made such a difference to the hating the eating and the breathing yeah i think i need to up my dose with that then yeah yeah phone that clinic louise when you take a step back you're like he's just trying to eat and he's just trying to breathe yeah but you know you get those um it's it's almost like you know you see those videos and it's like asmr and you can really hear like the sound yes and it's like it's too much it's like that it's like yes you're like shut up it's so true i can't bear it i know and there's an actual word for it there's is actually a phobia it's called misophonia when you cannot stand the sound of chewing so i think when you're perimenopausal you definitely get that phobia so what do you two do you know when you're on a train and somebody's like oh i'll have a pocket of crisps please well is it just the husband i think it's just the husband oh it's just okay so it's fine if it was anyone else just yeah it's just my kids i'm fine yeah even if they eat like a crisps i think i'd be fine if you eat in front of me now absolutely fine yeah it's just the husband yeah you're stopping you know you're stopping your period you're stopping being able to recreate so you're like you don't need him anymore yeah exactly like i don't need you anymore so if you want to hang around then stop chewing around me yeah so this is going out around valentine's day do you have any plans like what do you do with your husband to kind of keep things alive and

35:44yeah we we are so bad at dating like I feel like sometimes I follow people they're like oh we have a date night every week we just don't like I feel like three kids is a big ask for any babysitter isn't it and then we've got a dog and a snake now but so yeah yeah we don't we're not very good at dating to be honest that's not very exciting is it so would you have like a nice meal in yeah sure we do that m &s dining for two a lot yeah that's a valentine's thing isn't it yeah and you buy each other gifts for valentine's day or yeah we're so boring we don't even at christmas we just do stockings now because it's been it's become like you know all about the kids really but we'll do like thoughtful little things and stockings and stuff but and you ever get to go away just the two of you do you have like a family member that would watch the kids yeah Matt's mom's really good.

36:33Every year on his birthday, she books it out and we go away for a night. Oh, that's lovely. So we do do that. Yeah. It's really important to have that time together. Yeah. And like, we're lucky to have her because all my family are in Canada. It's really hard. Like, it is literally just all on her. But yeah, we do try. Sometimes I go for like a day date sometimes. You know how the kids are all at school? I love a day date. Yeah. That's a lot of day dates. Yeah, because then you can get to bed at a reasonable hour still. So, yeah, we're probably more likely to go for lunch or coffee. I feel like I've lost my evenings.

37:04Because they stay up later. They stay up late. So last night I went to bed the same time as my son, my eldest son. The children are just there all the time. I actually said to my boys the other night, I said, you're going to have to tuck me in. Soon you're going to have to tuck me in because at 10 o 'clock they're not even that tired. No. They don't even want to go to bed. They just want to eat a loaf of bread and chat about. They start making toast at 9 o 'clock. They make toast. oh my gosh so I read they do something the other day about this because like our kids have just started to do it and my middle child's on a growth hormone at the moment so um he is like it's like he's been pumped with steroids so he's some he's such a placid amazing little boy but some when he started on the growth hormone he was like and just hungry all the time and I was like this is what I remember my brother to be like when he was a teenager um and it gets to like eight o 'clock at night and they're both like oh I'm hungry now you know just as you're getting ready to like go to bed and it's like you can't be hungry you've just eaten like an adult portion of spaghetti bolognese garlic bread and four desserts you cannot be hungry yeah but I know that my middle child probably is hungry because he's like growing quite quickly um but I read this thing the other day that said your kids when they start to say that they're hungry it's actually like a coping mechanism of them thinking that it's you're not going to be with them so they want to prolong that period a bit more I don't know what's going on with my algorithm but they're saying I'm hungry but I noticed they don't eat all the toast they'll eat a little bit obviously leave the crust which obviously I'm going to eat yeah and I'm going to healthy eat this week when I'm not even hungry myself I googled how many calories does a teenage boy need like an active teenage boys 4 000 no it is are you kidding 4 000 calories i'm giving him two and a half thousand you know with probably all the meals and whatever and then he's reaching for the nutella or like getting it from like a bad place so i'm like oh my god we just need to feed him wow 4 000 calories yeah because especially if they do football because it's non-stop eating yeah i'm like as hannah said i you've just eaten a whole chicken yeah yeah they're bigger portions than us Yeah, they eat more than I do.

39:14Emily, you've been amazing. What a delight to have you on. Thank you so much. So nice to talk to you. I hope your tailbone's all right. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. This is a nice chair. Good. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. If you have enjoyed today's episode, please hit that subscribe button and leave us a five star review. Don't forget to follow us on social media for all the updates and please subscribe to our YouTube page. Thanks for listening to No Frontal Guidance. See you next time. Thanks to Jet 2 Holidays for keeping our sanity intact. Book now, grab that free child place and give yourself something joyful to cling to when it rains.