Emily Norris Reacts to Embarrassing Parenting Fails | No Parental Guidance

0:00Emily Norris:Shout out to our sponsor Jet2 Holidays, saving parents everywhere with free child place holidays.

0:06No Parental Guidance Team:Millions available for summer, even in the school holidays. That's a miracle in itself. Emily Norris, welcome to No Parental Guidance. So happy to have you here. Thank you so much for having me. So we talk about our fails on the podcast and we've heard yours, which was hilarious. And we also have our fails from our listeners and we always choose some of the DMs that come in. I'm going to share them with you today. This is from a dad of four kids. I was teaching my four-year-old how to play bum slaps. Do you know what this is? I'm not sure if I do, actually. Oh, context. If you lose a game, football or whatever, you have to bend over and take a penalty at the bum.

0:43No Parental Guidance Team:It's the thing, trust me. I'm not sure about this. Anyway, I recently had to explain to my son's teacher that I'm not beating him up before bed, but just demonstrating the age-old forfeit that comes with football. oh i don't know bum slaps i actually don't know when you started reading that oh my god has my husband sent that in yeah yeah i feel like if i asked my husband what that is he'd probably be like oh yeah it's a thing i have to ask jesse yeah i don't know what that is never heard of it

1:10Emily Norris:it's when you kids say stuff like that to teachers though isn't it oh yeah like oh my mom i remember once i was teacher i used to um coach swimming and this girl uh this well the mum was sat watching the swimming lesson and she always used to bring a partner and then this one week the partner wasn't there and uh so the mum was sat with her arm in a like a cast and um and this kid was like my yeah my daddy's not here and I was like oh well I'm sure he'll come next week to watch you now come on like move swim and um he's like because what happened is my mummy and daddy were arguing she broke her arm and she's really angry and I was like oh wow let's just kick your legs and I looked up at the moment she was like horrified she came up to me after and she was like basically what happened was we were moving some furniture and the husband had like tried to maneuver and as he went to like fall he went to try and grab her like to stop and then she actually it was like the worst accident ever and the dad was so embarrassed i never saw him again and they were still together oh my god but in that moment it was like your dad did what yeah yeah yeah of course

2:16No Parental Guidance Team:it's like school teachers must hear well i had a moment actually at the school gates you know when the teacher at the end of the day goes can I just have a word and you're like oh no what we're done but we we went on holiday to LA and you know in LA that weed and marijuana it's legal you smell it everywhere anyway my son was in reception and they were doing the alphabet and they said what what like w oh god what is what for and he put up his hand and he went weed and she was like very good and then he went you smoke it oh my god and so she pulled me at this girl I was like no weed and smoke it i said we went to la they had to tell them what the cigarette was and oh it's just like so embarrassing because you stood there like i'm just like if you just said weed and left

2:58Emily Norris:it it would have been fine you smoke it you smoke it that's brilliant oh my gosh oh my god i love that they're just the stuff they come out with um this one this fails quite funny um i was on holiday with my husband and two kids and i kept seeing this one family who would lay their towels out on the sunbeds early morning in the perfect shaded spot right by the pool but then we wouldn't see them until the afternoon anyway after the fourth day of seeing this happen I was getting a bit of rage inside me I went over and moved the towels and put our own ones down later me in the farm I just sat there reading the boys in the pool and his family storm over to me to demand their sun loungers back I couldn't keep my cool and ended up having a row with them and the hotel manager got involved I just think how cool I could have played it and I literally looked like a petty

3:44No Parental Guidance Team:idiot in front of all the hotel guests that irritates me so much yeah and i think some hotels now don't allow it it actually says you cannot reserve yeah uh beds with the towel we've witnessed like quite a few sunbed wars yeah and you think i'm paying the same amount as you yeah for a

4:04Emily Norris:holiday so what makes it okay that you just come down put your towels there it's absolute rubbish and then you know off you're sawn to have a late breakfast when you're actually maybe just by the pool for a couple of hours and then you might be doing something but with kids you need like somewhere to put like the life jackets the toys and also you do want to be close to the water

4:21No Parental Guidance Team:more when you have small kids but you know if you want to reserve the sun lounge you're fine but then just be there yeah just sit on it don't put your stuff there and leave i just i really hate that i really really despise that yeah i'd rather i'd like you can imagine the arguments as well I swear half my emotional stability comes from having a holiday booked.

4:42Emily Norris:Oh, same. Jet 2 holidays make it simple. Low£60 per person deposit, pay monthly, and by summer it feels like a gift from past you. Sunshine therapy already paid for. Yeah. Did you see that video that went viral?

4:56No Parental Guidance Team:I think it was last summer of people running around the pool to try and get a spot. I mean yeah but then there is that for the first few days you're like I'm not playing this game and then by day three you're like well I'm going to have to yeah exactly so then you like end up waking up early and trying to get a sunbed but you think who have I become yeah who have I become I'm trying to relax on holiday yeah yeah yeah you're waking up early than you would for work and I'm doing a rugby scramble to get to lie down it's like you're doing the hacker when you get like poolside and you're like come on get ready for it

5:29Emily Norris:so territorial

5:30No Parental Guidance Team:this one is from somebody called Beth. And I've already read this and it did make me laugh out loud. We were on a long journey down to see my family in South Wales and our son was about three or four at the time. He was fully toilet trained. We did it early around 21 months. And because of that, we were feeling far too confident and decided we didn't need the changing bag anymore. Big mistake. He had a bit of an upset tummy for a few days beforehand, but off we went anyway. While we were stuck in traffic going over the seven bridge he suddenly announced that he needs a poo cue instant panic we're trying to calmly explain that we're on the motorway on a bridge and nowhere to stop no hard shoulder nothing and asking him to please try and hold it a very a couple of very stressful minutes later he casually says oh i've done it it took forever to get to the next services because of the traffic.

6:24No Parental Guidance Team:And by the time we finally stopped, we had a poo all down his legs. For reasons I still don't understand, maybe we were flustered, maybe in a rush. We took him to the family breastfeeding room. Oh, God. Relatable. Which, crucially, oh my God, did not have a toilet. So there we were in a breastfeeding room with no toilet, trying to keep what can only be described as the breastfed baby poo off our toilet train. Preschoolers' legs using dry tissues, the poor child. That moment has scarred us for life, We now have an emergency baby wipes just in case. I love that he wasn't bothered. Yeah. Like he wasn't traumatized.

7:01No Parental Guidance Team:He was just like, I've done it. I've done it. But I'm sure they were traumatized. It's just the smell of it, isn't it? Again, in the disabled toilet. Oh, yeah. It is weird that those breastfeeding rooms have no toilet. Yes. Isn't it?

7:13Emily Norris:When you're like sat breastfeeding, you're thinking, I'm desperate for a wee. You've got a newborn baby. When they're latched on, you could sit down. You could do a wee. Yeah, totally. You're always multitasking. Because it's like you're not going to go with your baby into the main toilets. Yeah. So I don't understand why they wouldn't have a toilet in there when a mum has been breastfeeding.

7:32No Parental Guidance Team:But also, I don't know if anyone else has this, but as soon as I go into like what you think is a toilet, my bladder just goes, let's go. Yeah. And then if there's no loo there, you're like, this is messing with my mind and my bladder. Like I need to go, but I can't go. I'm changing a nappy and I still, I can't. But also it's a little unfair for mothers. you're going to change a nappy or breastfeed let us do everything at the same time in our own private space yeah yeah it's just weird yeah i'm saying breastfeed it's bottle feed as well

8:01Emily Norris:because yeah it's just that privacy sometimes i remember with my firstborn i was so embarrassed that my breastfeeding journey didn't happen properly i got to i'd say about seven eight weeks of breastfeeding him and then he was so hungry he's on the hungry baby formula the doctor told me to put him on it he was like it was massive and um I was expressing all the time because I was like he needs to have my breast milk and I remember going to a baby group and everybody was breastfeeding and he just wasn't latching on to me he was drinking my milk out a bottle and it got to the point where I was like what the am I doing just give him formula and I remember going to the toilet to pretend that I'd breastfed him and I didn't I went in and shook the you know the powder into the water shook it up and I fed him in the toilet and he obviously guzzled it because he was like a legend I was so embarrassed you're failing when you're not because I know that if I sat there with eight women all breastfeeding saying how their babies are sleeping and I'm there like my son won't latch on properly I feel like I failed as a mother because I'm not breastfeeding him and I'm giving him formula and none of you are you're going to look at me and think she's not breastfeeding isn't it yeah it's awful that us as mothers

9:16No Parental Guidance Team:feel that shame and that guilt when actually we're doing the best that we can and if i saw my version

9:22Emily Norris:of me there i'd be like listen yeah everybody's kids are going to be anyway so don't worry about it like breastfed or bottle fed nobody gives a shit it's not a reflection on you as long as they're fed and happy nobody cares but like you want to try don't you yeah if you can like then yeah and like my other two was fine pumping is brutal as well isn't it brutal i remember being at Twickenham Stadium and I was presenting the women's rugby sevens. There was 80 ,000 people there and I was given, you know, the LV breast pumps where you can put one here and one here. And I've got so many stories about like sports presenting where I've done this at live events where I've had my breast pumps in and I'm like, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the rugby sevens of Twickenham, the women's final.

10:06Emily Norris:And then as I inhaled, I just remember it like, and every time the producer's like, Hannah, could you like stop? And I'm like, like just really coming out you know when it's like almost like squeezing a spot it's like hold on i can turn the volume like a little bit but i need to keep the flow because those breast

10:23No Parental Guidance Team:pumps are brilliant because you can do it remotely yeah the ones where you're like plugged into the wall and you're sitting there yeah like i feel like i don't even know what an actual cow yeah

10:35Emily Norris:literally that's what it is that's it my 14 year old daughter left her phone in the kitchen while I was cooking dinner and it started to ping. I saw the messages coming in and the dings were annoying. Maybe she's perimenopausal. So I went to silence the phone, but as it's an old phone, it froze and then somehow managed to open up the app. It was Snap and take a photo of my double chin. Mortified, I had to tell my daughter so she could sort it out, but it clearly looks like I was snooping or trying to be funny. She's been off with me for days. I've clearly embarrassed her. My kid's done it before.

11:04Emily Norris:My kid's got my Instagram before and gone live.

11:06No Parental Guidance Team:yeah nice I took my phone at a football match that I was watching I was watching my other son play football my eldest son took my phone to go and get a tea or coffee I told him to go you know take my phone you can use Apple Pay in the meantime he's gone forever he went live on Instagram

11:22Emily Norris:oh my gosh and whilst he was live

11:24No Parental Guidance Team:he was like should I go and find my mum and all the comments coming go go and find your mum you know like oh my god everyone was engaged watching yeah so then he comes up to me with live Instagram and puts the phone in my face or something like that. And all I see is like, because I don't go live on Instagram very often. So it's a bit alien to me. But what I see. And it brings you to the front of everything. So then I see not only my face looking like, I don't know, Shrek. And comments. Hi, mum has still got it. La la la, your son's amazing. And I'm like, Brazil, what's going on? And the thing is, I could have been like, where's my phone?

12:04No Parental Guidance Team:What have you done? but I was like what thank god I was like what what is going on here and then I had to see the comments and so then all of a sudden I'm live I'm like oh hi guys I'm just at a football match but the thing is when you go live to see what has been recorded you have to post it yes you can't just save it so then I had to post it to see if he had basically cancelled me yeah or like shown your address or yeah shown something um so then I had to watch it and actually it was quite funny but I couldn't but my son was there just so what I'm trying to say is the fact that this mother went into this girl's phone and yeah accidentally did that I can see how mortified she was because

12:42Emily Norris:I was mortified when my son did it to me but it's very hard because like all of us have jobs that are within social media how do you deal with like editing you know when you're working and creating content and stuff and like getting the right shot or the lighting and stuff it's certain times a day that might not be the most convenient times as a mum how are you with that around the kids you just like right I'm working yeah what do you do yeah well now they're at school it's a bit

13:05No Parental Guidance Team:easier but then I do I do you inevitably film on the weekend and I feel like YouTube's very raw and real it almost doesn't matter so much but if I'm you know working with a brand or you want it to you know get a really good shot but I think they are quite used to it because I literally started my eldest was three and my youngest was my second was six months when I was filming so I I feel like it is a bit second nature to them. It's funny, like, if we're on holiday with friends and I get a family photo, they're like, how did you make them smile? Like, how did they just do that so quickly? And I'm like, oh, it's just, I don't know, they're just really used to it.

13:42No Parental Guidance Team:Like, they're used to the cameras. Like, it's very, like, I don't know, normal maybe to them. They know, like, if I'm filming to, like, turn the TV down or, I don't know, like, sometimes if I'm like, hi, guys, blah, blah, blah, I'll hear them or just, like, stop talking and then they'll finish and then they'll start again. I don't get that. I feel like they get even louder. Or like want something. Mummy! Snack! I'm trying to do an Instagram story. If you have enjoyed today's episode, please hit that subscribe button and leave us a five star review. Don't forget to follow us on social media for all the updates and please subscribe to our YouTube page.

14:21No Parental Guidance Team:Thanks for listening to No Parental Guidance. See you next time.

14:29Emily Norris:Thanks to Jet2 Holidays for keeping our sanity intact.

14:33No Parental Guidance Team:Book now, grab that free child place and give yourself something joyful to cling to when it rains. Again.

14:39Emily Norris:Book now for summer because nothing beats that just booked feeling and nothing beats a Jet2 holiday.