Hilary Whitehall’s Shocking Parenting Confessions

0:00Hannah:This episode is brought to you by Indeed. Stop waiting around for the perfect candidate. Instead, use Indeed Sponsored Jobs to find the right people with the right skills fast. It's a simple way to make sure your listing is the first candidate C. According to Indeed data, Sponsored Jobs have four times more applicants than non-sponsored jobs. So go build your dream team today with Indeed. Get a$75 Sponsored Job Credit at Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Coming up... Hillary, I'm very excited to join us. I delivered Jack, waiting to be stitched up, and Michael had made a couple of phone calls, one of whom was to Nigel Havers.

0:38And he said, oh, I'll pop in. And I literally had my feet up in the streets like that, and through my feet, in came Nigel. He saw everything. Literally everything. I think he's been in therapy ever since. I knew I was. Hi, Nigel!

0:59Hannah:How are you doing babes? I'm good, how are you? I'm alright. And how's your week been? It's been alright, a few fails, a few wins, you know, usual, usual. My eldest son, who's 14 this year, he goes to school by himself, you know, he walks to school and I completely forgot it was an inset day. So he was the only child at school, the only one. And then in my WhatsApp chat with this with his class but she's very very minimal because once you start secondary school the whatsapp chats are not what they're like at primary school oh my god they're completely different talk me through they're like non-existent you have one but barely anyone uses it but how are you going to find out about oscar's pe jumper well that's why i didn't know about the inset day like that's why and so i went on to so my son called me and he was like mum the school's closed oh god i was like no it's not maybe you're just early or late i was like mum it's closed like it's locked so I went into the whatsapp chat and I started typing to say Basil's at school and then I thought do you know what I'm not going to because I barely pipe up in this chat and I don't want to come across like an absolute idiot so then I I said to my son I'll pick you up I felt bad it's 20 minute walk oh anyway so whilst we're in the car to get my son from the closed school my daughter who's six is on my phone and she opens up whatsapp and manages to send that message that i didn't want to send in the chat to them and then added her own message which was i need to show it to you i love you but the poo emoji how many parents did you send that to everyone everyone everyone and i didn't see it i didn't see it and then the worst thing is like everyone's seen the message like blue ticks throughout but no one's replied oh really so not only do you look incompetent because you sent your son to school on an inset day but your daughter's sending pictures of to the whole the whole year so that was uh interesting any fails for you this week so i have got a fail that i'll tell you about that happened over christmas right so this might resonate with a few people so i i had an operation yeah i had to go into hospital had um four incisions in my stomach so I've got um endometriosis and I had some cysts on my left ovary so it was it was like a case of I had to get into hospital to have this procedure and trying to fit it around my toe as well you know of course and get recovery and everything I've had the surgery before so basically I went in and we'd you know we'd been away for a couple of days I was exhausted we chatted obviously on the podcast about that exhaustion when we chatted about this where it's like the mental load as a mum with you know three it doesn't matter whether you've got one kid or three kids it's that mental load and pressure and then working and christmas it's like oh my god so i was delighted to go to hospital and be put to sleep i was i was waiting for that moment i laid in a bed a lady wrapped me in a blanket oh it was lovely and you're actually put to sleep i was i was out for the world louise the anaesthetist came in any allergies oh even if there is just inject me when i had it when i had this procedure done last time i he the anesthetist remembered me from three years ago and he said do the countdown till you fall asleep and obviously i'm really competitive so i was like one two three and then i they'd put the oxygen mask over me and i was like 12 13 i was like i'm going but i'm not gone and then just went to sleep and um i counted to 18 did you and i was i was so proud of myself but my fail was right so i uh you have to do a wee so i had to stay in hospital overnight um i was in quite a bit of discomfort so i was literally christmas i was off my on dihydrocodine morphine which was amazing when i went to stay with my in-laws oh the dream i was just popping pills so then um i they were like you need to do a wee so they took the catheter out and i was like cool went on to the toilet and i was like um like press the buzzer i was like sorry i i can't wee and they said oh just just give it a little bit more time but you can't go home till you've done a couple of whee's so i said oh um okay so I was drinking loads my bladder was full and I was sitting on the toilet I couldn't wee at all so they said what we're gonna have to do they didn't talk like that they just said what we're gonna have to do is catheterize you again and go home for a couple of days and if you can't we're gonna have to be catheterized over Christmas right so I was like oh like I turned 40 in September Louise I walked out the hospital with a bag like what is going on it was attached to my leg okay and the fail came in that um I was obviously medicated so I was a bit like oh and I couldn't get up because my stomach was so swollen and sore and um Annabelle woke a few times in the night so my husband had to get up um so at one point she's like mommy and I couldn't pick her up or anything like for two weeks so I was like nudging my husband and he was like baby stop nudging me I'm not snoring on purpose and I was like no I'm not you need to get Annabelle so Andy got up now when you have a catheter during the day it's attached to your leg but you have to have a night bag as well on a night time because that really fills up um so I had my wee bag at the side of the bed and uh Andy gets up runs around the bed to go run past my wee bag trips over on it head first onto the floor holds the the bag oh my god so the next thing I'm like because I felt like they put the catheter in, they blow this balloon up.

6:31Literally, I thought my wound was hanging off the ceiling. Oh, babe. So I had to grab onto it. Then the tube popped out. F***s went everywhere. And then at that point, Andy's going, ah, because he's falling into the wall. And then Annabelle's screaming. I couldn't get up. I couldn't breathe for laughing. And it was like... I'm glad that you could laugh at it though.

6:51Hannah:Was Andy laughing or was he like... He was livid. He was... Louise, my husband very rarely laughs. It would have been more living. It was so angry. And by the time we'd sorted that out, Annabelle actually fell back to sleep again. Oh, yeah, still volvying. That's a win. Sleep training without realising it. Yeah. So, oh, my God, it was so funny. So you're fine now, all sorted? Yeah, just some stitches to come out and then I'm good. Yeah. So recently, so my 10-year-old now, in fact, yeah, actually Basil and Sunny are both kind of doing this. If we're watching TV and there's a kissing scene. Yeah.

7:25Hannah:they're both like oh do they? yeah and they're like they get really embarrassed Louise as ever we're choosing optimism thanks to Jet 2 holidays we love Jet 2 holidays we love holidays nothing beats oh the thought of like being on a plane going somewhere warm I know it's like chaotic with kids and stuff but it's when you get there on holiday it's delicious you only step off the plane and that warm air just slaps you in the face you're like oh I've arrived and the kids are like mommy can you like shush just give me this one moment please give me the second but we do ask you to send in your wins of the week so this one's been sent in from abby which says i saw this hack on social media and thought i'd give it a go basically it takes so long for my four-year-old to put her shoes on a coat and get ready for bed or anything where we just need to get moving so the hack i saw was to set a timer on your phone show them that we have two minutes on the timer and when the timer finishes, the alarm will go off and we need to be done by then.

8:25I set the timer and I could not believe it, but she could see the timer counting down and wanted to beat it. We were out the door within one minute. What an absolute win. That is absolutely brilliant. Yeah. And it's so simple. Yeah. And yet, I've never done that. Well, my son is so competitive and he's a right stato. So I'm always like, Bradley, if you can get dressed within like three minutes, I'll give you a sweep. That's how I parent is just bribe. You know, me pre-kids. Pass the dentist. Yeah, expensive to be honest. It's like, oh, another cavity. But yeah, I can bribe them in that way. But if he knows it's like a reward with like timing.

9:05Yeah, excellent, excellent win. Me and my best mate, we have this game that we play where when we go out and have a drink, I'll be like, Helen, I've drunk more than you. And then she'll like neck a drink and then she'll pour it over. Hannah, I've drunk more than you. and what we found is that's probably the worst game you can play with a friend it's like being

9:25Hannah:a fresher like yeah but also I quite like it you did it to me I don't know if you remember no I did you did it to me like I've had more gin than you like oh yeah but you were quite you were quite shocked and you were a bit like okay and I was like sup up Louise you'll be getting dehydrated okay I like this and then you absolutely drunk me under the table so I was like I'm not playing that game with you again. Don't play with me. No, but that was, yeah, I think that's a great win. Great win of the week. We all have that dream trip we've been wishing we could go on. But too often, life, or usually price, gets in the way.

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10:13Hannah:about that next trip. Book it with Priceline. Download the Priceline app or visit Priceline.com and book your next trip today. Got your happy price, Priceline. Today we're absolutely delighted to welcome Hilary Whitehall, podcaster, actress, former doula and longstanding wife to Michael. And also mother to Jack, Molly and Barnaby and grandmother to three gorgeous little ones. Hilary, welcome back to Julia. Four little ones. Well, yes. Yes, there's one incoming in a couple of weeks. I could see when I said three. I was like, you were like going. There's one incoming. Oh, yes, there is. Oh, my God, that's so exciting.

10:51Very exciting. My youngest son, Barney, is about to have his first baby with his lovely wife. Oh, his first. Wow. Yeah.

10:57Hannah:And I have to ask, because you were a doula, are a doula? I was a doula for 10 years, yes. I retrained at one stage when it became apparent I needed to help with the family coffers. Yeah. and wasn't getting much work as an actress. So I thought, I know, I'll go and retrain. And I became a doula for 10 years and absolutely loved it. Yeah. Do you know what? I always think I would love to be a doula. I would absolutely love, I think I'd love it if I wasn't doing this. But I think in another life, I would have been a midwife if I could. Rather like, is it Emma Willis? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I loved that.

11:30As soon as I got pregnant the third time round, I was obsessed with watching Emma Willis on those programs. Yeah, it was amazing. It's like one born every minute. You need to see other people to mentally prepare yourself. Absolutely. How old were your kids then when you trained to be a doula? So Jack, I think, must have been about 8, 9, maybe 10. Molly, 7, 8, 9. And Barney, about 6. So again, I didn't do birth doulaing because that was too impactful on my life. So I did postnatal doulaing. What does that entail then? I've actually heard of a postnatal. So postnatal doulaing is somebody who just needs a bit of support.

12:06I mean, it's really mothering the mother. Oh, that's so nice. We so need that. Because a lot of people don't have their, well, they don't have their mothers at all because they're no longer with us. But also, you know, we're of a generation. I was of a generation where my mother was working full time when I had my baby. She couldn't just take months off and look after me and the baby. So she'd take a week off, bless her. And then it was like, bye, I'm off to work now again. And I was left to my own devices. Yeah, and it's terrifying. It's terrifying. It's terrifying. There's no instruction manual.

12:35Hannah:And then the husbands go back up. I think my husband had two weeks off work. And I remember him going back and I was like, well, what the hell do I do now? The great thing about being a doula is that what you're trying to do is to enable the mums to look after the baby themselves. You're giving them confidence and you're getting rid of all the guilt that's associated with, you know, doing it wrong, etc. But you're not there all the time. What I used to do is I'd do a four-hour shift. I'd either do a morning or an afternoon or sometimes I'd doublehead and do two people in a day. And they then ask you their raft of questions.

13:05in the four hours. I would always try and make mine go to bed. So go and have a sleep whilst I just cook dinner, look after the baby. Where were you? Where were you nine years ago when I needed you?

13:16Hannah:I didn't even get tea and toast. Oh my gosh. That's a new thing I heard after you have a baby and I was going to get tea and toast. I did not get that. Wow. No, I did not get it. I put in a complaint right now. But they owe me tea and toast. Also, sorry, I heard placentas are worth 50 ,000 pounds. And then I read the comments like, yes, it is. They're like sacred. I'm worth 150 ,000 pounds from someone. Wow. No, I ate my third one. All right. Allegedly. Who knows? Did you take cord blood as well? No. Oh, okay. You didn't take stem cells where you can take blood from the cord at the time of birth.

13:46That's genius. Yeah. And then you freeze it and then God forbid that you don't ever need it. But if you do need it, you've got stem cells. Of course.

13:53Hannah:So that's a brilliant idea to do. It's not a cheap procedure, I believe, but it is a thing. Yeah, but stem cells are like amazing. Yeah. And they're obviously designed for that person. I'm literally fascinated by this. If you're about to have a baby, well, ask your daughter-in-law's about to give birth. Yes, I will. Make you 50 grand on the placenta and then spend it on the stem cells. Did you help with Jack and his baby as a doula? Yes, I did go over. And there's an amazing woman who I worked with at one stage. I trained with her called Claire Byam Cook, who's a breastfeeding expert. As with all things to do with childbirth, of course, she slightly divides opinion.

14:33and I'm very much in her camp. I think she's amazing because she's very empowering but also takes the guilt out of it all. You know, if for whatever reason you can't feed, she says, look, you need a baby that's flourishing. You don't need to beat yourself up about this. And it doesn't work for everybody. It works for most people, but it doesn't work for everybody. And that's okay. Yeah, that is okay. And she's very good at just getting to the nub of a problem. And she came in after Jack had had his baby and sorted out one or two little bumps in the road. And then it was all tickety boo. Oh, lovely.

15:10But also, you know, I obviously was very much wanting to get my hands on them. I like to get my hands on my grandchildren. How do you find that? Because it's like daughter-in-law, mother-in-law boundary. That's one of my notes that I wrote down, actually. When I have my babies, I've got three older brothers, two of whom had children before me. and my mother said when I delivered Jackson oh my god at last a baby I could get my hands on I mean I'm not I'm not quite in that position because Roxy's very generous with me very much inclusive of me obviously her mum does a lot for her but also she will also ask me to do things

15:44Hannah:as well which is yeah that is lovely but you're so right there's that um expression one step you're one step removed yes exactly yes and my I've got a sister and a brother and so when my sister and I had our babies my mom was like I think my mom came to the um the delivery room you know after the baby was born yeah like immediately and then I remember my husband saying well can my mom come I was like no I just need my mom I need my like I need my mom yeah and he didn't get it I was like it's not like uh who's the favorite grandmother it's like I need my mom here yeah do you know who came into my delivery room this is a good story this is a true story okay and And we're talking about 37 years ago when perhaps protocols were a little bit different, but also there was a reason why this happened.

16:27I delivered Jack and I'd been induced. So it was ultimately a very quick labor. So it was a bit of a mess down there, if I'm honest. So I was waiting to be stitched up and Michael had made a couple of phone calls, one of whom was to Nigel Havers, who was going to be Jack's godfather and said, the baby's arrived. It's so exciting. He said, oh, I'm up in town. I'm going to an event. I'll pop in. Oh, God. This is why you're waiting to be stitched up. Yep. Legs in stirrups. Legs in stirrups. And Nigel arrives in black tie for this event, goes to the nurse's station. And because he at that point was incredibly famous, I think they just forgot the protocols or maybe there was a miscommunication because he said, I'm here to see Mrs.

17:09Whitehall. And they said, she's in there. And I literally had my feet up in the stirrups like that and through my feet. No, he saw everything. Literally everything. Oh, my God. I think he's been in therapy ever since.

17:20Hannah:Oh, my gosh. He's seen more of me, well, as much of me as my obstetrician. And your husband. I know. He was just like, oh, no. And I then sort of managed to find a bit of gown and do that. Oh, my gosh. So that was my visitor. Oh, that's brilliant. That is absolutely. I love how you were like, I was a bit of a mess. We're all like, we know what you mean. We know what you mean. Is this something that comes up in conversation at dinner parties? I have actually done it on stage. Have you? Have you? It's such a good telling. And he was such a good sport about it and said, you know, let's just draw a veil over that.

17:54Traumatised him for life.

17:56Hannah:And was Michael at the business end when you were giving birth? No. In fact, the obstetrician said at one point, because I'd had a couple of miscarriages before I had Jack, so I was quite an anxious delivering mum. He at one point said to Michael, would you like to put some gloves on and help me with this? He said, the money I'm paying you, you can do it yourself. So, yeah, he wasn't down the business end. weirdly the obstetrician was also in black tie because he was going to a gynecological dinner that night oh my gosh so it's like downtown abbey in there that's fantastic i love it yeah and which out which out of all your labors was the nicest experience i'm not going to say easiest no they were all different i've done it always so jack i was induced uh because i was a bit late and And the anesthetist didn't quite get the epidural in the right way.

18:48So only half of it was numbed and half of it was all a bit of a mess. That's why I think it was a bit of a mess because it was very quick too. So she came, was trying to get it in and I was going, I think I've got to push. I think I've got to push. Anyway, it was that was all a bit of a nightmare. Molly, I had nothing. Absolutely nothing. It was.

19:07Hannah:It's Molly. It's my middle. No, she's my middle. Okay. She shot out like a bullet. that was absolutely fine and barney again i went into labor and it went on and on and on and they came and they said we're going to break your waters and i said right if you're coming near me breaking i know what happens when you break waters i'm having an epidural in before you do it oh that's smart because i didn't want the same as it happened with jack that's smart so i've done it always and you i presume do you go to a private hospital with all three then well the problem was that I'd had all these issues before I had Jack and so I went with one specific doctor and then of course once you've done it with one person yeah sort of think well I'm going to just have to stick with this now so I'm afraid at vast expense we did go to the private hospital and was it like the Portland where you get afternoon tea and a glass of herb after did you get tea and toast so when I went to the Portland with Jack I Jack was born exactly one month before Beatrice so Fergie was incoming to that hospital it was all being redecorated for Fergie?

20:10I said you didn't do this for me

20:12Hannah:oh my god why is she getting preferential treatment? I bet she got her tea in toast oh wow and then with with Barney, Barney was born very late at night and the whole evening was predicated by Michael wanting something to eat he behaved very badly the whole thing to what I rang a friend at one point and she said Michael need something to eat he's not being very nice can you bring some food and she brought because the kitchens had shut by then even in the Portland hospital so no tea and toast I guess there was no delivery back then either she came with food for Michael to just ease the mood oh my gosh was his back hurting from the chairs being uncomfortable exactly he'd had a long day you know at work and then had to have all this malarkey oh it's not a spot in here isn't it You've been married, is it 38 years?

21:02Hannah:40 years. 40 years. 40 years. Oh my God, congratulations. The Ruby wedding is incoming. Tell us, how have you stayed married for 40 years? I need a medal. I need a damehood for it, to be honest. You can be Dame Hilary from now on. I'll tell you the one thing that has never changed though, because it happened on day one and it's never changed, is that he still makes me laugh. Humour is our watchword. I was going to say, the banter in your house must be quite phenomenal. never stops. Is it exactly how it is? Like what we see on camera, is it the same at home? Absolutely, yeah. People always say, oh, you're so good at playing that part, Michael.

21:41I go, there's no part being played. That is how he is. There's great extremes. You know, it's either ranting or laughing. And how did you both meet? We met at a party. Right. Yeah, he was... Don't tell me a black tie party because these are... No, it was a summer party, actually. He was wearing a white suit. So I... this is probably very, very inappropriate. Your producer will have to make a decision. Our producer always spends his life tearing his hair out on the Wittering White tools as to what is cancelled and what isn't. Anyway, I'll go with it. He was wearing a white suit, so I assumed he was gay.

22:13The white suit was a sort of very extravagant thing back then in the early 80s. It was like, oh, hello. He thought I was married because I'd met someone a few minutes before Michael who asked me 20 questions and then we met Michael because I couldn't shake this chap off he asked the same 20 questions and this chap kept answering the questions because he just asked them so it's like um so hello I'm Michael who are you and he said oh this is Hillary I'm I'm um what was his name Steve I'm Steve this is Hillary so I assume we were married oh right what do you do Hillary oh Hillary is an actress oh my gosh he kept answering for me do you think he was doing

22:53Hannah:marking his territory thinking i got in there first all over you yeah and it was like at least so yeah that's how we met and then called him and i said could i come in and chat to you because i need an agent he said yeah so in i went i remember i was wearing a very short skirt with um bright orange neon pixie boots i mean we're talking about the early 80s sounds amazing i think i may even had a perm and have had a perm at that point if you didn't have a perm i'd be disappointed to do at the store. Exactly. So he said, are you hot? I said, yes, it is quite hot in here. And he said, he opened the door and standing in the doorway was Dame Judi Dench.

23:30It was like, oh my goodness. I love that. And she went, she looked at me in my pixie boots and she looked at Michael and she said, Michael, I think you ought to keep the door open. Just saying, you know, we don't want any misbehaving from you. Thank you very much. Look at you. Oh, wow. And I thought, oh my God, it's not only Dame Judi Dench, but she's doing jokes now. Oh my gosh. We're joking. We're bantering with Dame Judy Dutch. So that was very exciting. He always says, you know, Hillary was looking for an agent. I was looking for a wife. I think I did better than she did.

23:59Hannah:And you've got quite an age gap as well. We have. Just the 21 years. 21 years. And was there an issue with that at first? Certainly was with my mother. Yeah. Didn't he say something live on Lorraine? Like your mother was a... So the first time we met, my mother's, when I rang in the evening for a sort of debrief, the problem was that Michael was 46 sorry 44 he was an agent he had been married right and he drove a Jaguar XJS as far as my mother was concerned that was it this was a non-starter and he bought her a very expensive box very large box of Godiva chocolates right so her first line was I can't be bought I said what do you mean you can't be bought she said that box of chocolates was ridiculously oscillating.

24:44Give them here then. I'll have them. So I noticed you whipped them away quite quickly. But then her parting shot was, we're reserving judgment. So I said, okay, reserve away. But as far as I'm concerned, this is the one. And still at 40 years old. Yeah, exactly. Wow. She came round in the end. When I met my husband, my dad actually did a full police check on him. Did he really? Imminently. So I met my husband on the TV show Gladiators 17 years ago. and um was he a gladiator no he was a head trainer for the gladiators and i went on as a contestant yes so my husband's coach was a scottish referee john anderson right and um he was that's how andy my husband got into it so we met on the first day of the auditions and i thought he's quite fit and then i thought don't keep looking because he's like i don't want him to think that's how i'm going to get on i want to get on the show and stuff anyway long story short um we swapped numbers and um my husband had just got he got paid for gladiators he didn't have any money before this and he'd bought a mercedes he was a single guy at the time got this mercedes 27 had a payout with was it a sports car it was a sports car okay now what happened was he came from uh his family live in york and he came through to scarborough where my uh family live my parents live my dad he came my husband now husband came in and he looked at my mom he'd never met before he's like oh hi christine he's like your hair looks lovely now to my dad he called he was like that's a sweetie wife someone that's just saying what you want to hear you know i can't be bought box of chocolates compliments yeah next thing my dad disappeared and i thought i don't know i don't know where my dad's gone in my dad went a bit weird and because i'd said i really like this guy yeah and uh basically what he'd done my dad had gone outside got my husband's private registration plate so when andy left my dad said just so you know he's hired that car from the mercedes garage down the road and i was like i don't think he has dad he was like he has he's never had any convictions but was your father in the force he was yeah he was and i was like dad but he'd actually retired at that point but i don't know who he'd spoken to but he did a full police check yeah well at least my husband hasn't got any criminal convictions so on this podcast we're like to talk

26:53Hannah:about parenting fails or parenting wins have you got anything you want to share with us yes one of my worst moments as a parent was i managed to run over my youngest son with a reno espace oh my gosh I mean I literally thought I've killed him because it was one of those miscommunications there's a lot of kids milling around I say oh I'm just going to go to the supermarket I'm just going to get the car I'm just going to back the car out of the carport I say to the general assembled people thinking one of them will think oh Todd Labani better just keep an eye on him so I back the car out I hear a thump as I back it out and I hear a scream and I think and I have actually hit Barney.