James Haskell on his ADHD diagnosis and how therapy saved him

0:00Coming up, it's only James Haskell. Thank you. I know that I am a bit of an acquired taste, even with the teammates, each one on the set. Before I met James Haskell, I wanted to punch him in the face. I was about nine years old when I got diagnosed, a long time ago. When people were critical of me, it was really crushing. Chloe's an incredible mother. I still love Chloe. She's the mother of my child. of bringing up a girl, you know, the way, for example, I treat her mum, she will reference how men should treat... Yes, and that's so important. As we walk around with Bodhi, and I think you can physically see women's ovaries go like...

0:43Before we start, a quick shout-out to the nation's teachers and support staff. Because if you've ever tried getting one child into shoes on time... Yeah, imagine managing 30 of them before 8.45 in the morning. Absolute sense. Which is why today's episode is sponsored by Tesco, who are proudly supporting the National Thank a Teacher Day campaign this year. Celebrating the amazing work teachers do every day to support children and families. And taking part is so simple. By sending a free thank you e-card at thankateacher.co.uk, your school will be entered for a chance to win a£1 ,000 Tesco Fruit and Veg grant.

1:17Yep, up to 100 schools will receive this funding through Tesco's Free Fruit and Veg for Schools programme, helping school children get more fresh fruit and veg during the school day. Which is why we're asking our guest about the teacher who made the biggest impact on them. Along with the usual parenting chaos, of course. Of course. Louise! Good morning. We be back. We are back. Do you know what, we've literally just spent the last 10 minutes talking about mum guilt. Yes. Speaking to our families on the phone. Yes. Whatsapping them, trying to make, like, trying to speak to the kids. I'm sorry I didn't speak to you this morning.

1:52And then that whole, I'm missing sports day. I am missing sports day because I'm working. Me too. And it's like any working parent. Oh, it's so hard, isn't it? The juggle. Yeah. It's so hard. I feel really guilty and really bad. But I think it's important, like, that we sort of reassure other mothers. Yes. That are going through the same thing. And he fails this week. Oh, do you know, I got sent a photo of Logan's birthday party. He had this climbing party. Yeah. I think it was like 28 kids there. Yeah. And basically, I was in charge. It was a joint party with another kid. I was in charge of the food and the cake.

2:30So I was like, no problem. That's quite a responsibility. No, I did a bulk order to McDonald's. Fine. Ordered loads of ham and meals. I didn't think you could do that. Honestly, turned up at the door at the exact time I wanted. and you know there's all some parents are like oh we only have like organic food every kid eats mcdonald's every kid yeah fries burgers whatever so i just got a huge combination that's really smart job done and they gave me loads of little sauces yeah like ketchup sweet chili everything and i got them uh i got the cakes mate so really i didn't do very much i just messaged a cake lady yeah she made two cakes for the the lads perfect and i just ordered loads of mcdonald's it was of the extra admin though isn't it it took me 10 minutes fine great good the cakes were delivered so actually the other mum who was emailing all the parents like any dietary requirements and like can you come i don't care i didn't do it yes one kid one kid came up to me was like i don't eat chips and i was like okay we'll find something that you do eat then there's a bunch of grapes over there i literally chopped some carrots and cucumber and shoved that on the table and then my friend sent me this uh picture of me cutting the cake and then a couple of little videos and I was like oh that's nice yeah thanks so much for the party and I was like oh and I basically Annabelle while I was cutting the cake Annabelle was stood to my side because she's normally attached to me yeah and I didn't realize but I did wonder why the bottom of the cake looked a bit like um somebody had put their hands in it because they had there's a picture of Annabelle and she'd scooped up you know where there's the thicker icing it was proper butter icing oh that's the good stuff and she was scooping that in one hand she had a handful of icing in another she was eating the ketchup right in front of me right there and i didn't even notice oh my gosh i was like that's actually she was doing it in front of me yeah and she like did she's like when we got home like wired didn't sleep very well that night and i was like maybe she was overtired maybe she was overexcited she was off her face on sugar oh bless her like from the ketchup and the cake of Of course she was.

4:38And it was like one of the live pictures is her going with her hands. I think all kids do it. They see a cake and they're like, I'm just going to put my fingers in it. In fact, I love how you tell a story and then it triggers stories for me. I'm like, Louise, have you got a fail this week? It's like, I'm not sure. And it's like, actually, wait a minute. There's always something. But I let my 10-year-old stay up and watch the England game. And we won, which was amazing. Well done, boys. But he didn't get to bed till like 11. Yeah. Yeah, Bradley was the same. Really? Yeah, last night. Because I was thinking he's going to be horrendous at school this morning.

5:15Every 10-year-old will be. He's obsessed with football. He's got this wall chart. He's tracking every game. Bradley's nine, nearly 10, and he stayed up. Logan didn't, but Bradley didn't. Fine, okay. He came downstairs. He's like, oh, God, it's really because we're moving house on Monday. So he's like, oh, my room looks so bare, Mummy. What are you doing? Oh, God, England's on. Yeah. and it's like well you know England's on because you know watching the build-up before and then um he'd been a bit naughty so I was like right obsessed your bedroom and then I was getting ready um sorting stuff out and then I thought you know what it's he's 10 like nearly 10 it's fine he can watch it all his friends will be watching it well that's that's what I thought as well I think lots of kids are watching it yeah um but so I have this agreement with my older boys that when it's bedtime, when I say to my youngest, it's bedtime, I say it to all three of them.

6:07Yes. And I give them a wink like it's bedtime now. And the boys are like, okay, mum. Yeah. And I'm like, you see Inka? Aren't they good listening? They're going to go to bed now. So we all go upstairs and the boys like. And then so she goes to bed and the boys creep back downstairs, especially last night because the football was on. My daughter's no fool. Yeah. She knows. and so she came downstairs in fact I might have to show you I have got a picture she came downstairs just as uh it kicked off yeah and she came in the living room I don't know how or where she got this from uh she managed to find a a wig from the 80s and a hulk hand and she came in like that she was like mommy like uh yeah and like you can see in the background like it's about to kick off the game's about to start and she's there and she's like sonny's still awake yeah i'm like yeah how come they're downstairs yeah and then she just looked really funny and cute but like that that is not what your child to look like at 9 p.m at night um yeah but she just was not tired your daughter with wigs is a natural thing isn't it i don't know i wonder where she gets it from but Louise you were with royalty yesterday I was with royalty I need to hear about it um I went to Ascot which was lovely I I actually I actually won at the races did you I did and was this like a researched bet or did you just go oh that's like a glass of champagne oh one of them pretty much yeah um people say kind of go on well you have like your favorites like the bets favorites and then you get a few tip-offs but also I like to go on the name of the horse yeah and so there was a horse called limestone and I've been looking at limestone recently for interior stuff and I thought yeah limestone's been in my emails a lot I'm gonna go with that and it won which was great and um another one won ombudsman I think but I was told to bet on that one Yeah.

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9:12Ask your doctor about Ebglis and visit ebglis.lily.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX or 1-800-545-5979 Yes, I've seen him recently, like three times recently Yeah, I adore her We should get her on the show Yeah, we should Now he's a 77 cap England rugby powerhouse, a Six Nations Grand Slam champion and a British and Irish Lion It's only James Haskell Thank you, what an introduction Yeah. I don't know if you know this, but I said to the guys outside, when I was at, obviously I met you at Ascot, right? Derby. Derby, I said, I was in Derby. And I remember seeing her and I was like, oh my God, that woman is beautiful.

9:53Oh, you're talking about me? Yeah, yeah, you. Oh, thanks, babe. So I thought she was beautiful. And I was like, but then I was looking and I said to them, I think I've just fallen in love with someone. Oh my God. And they went, what do you mean? I went, well, anyway, I then started talking to her. I was like, oh my God, she's really funny and really intentional. I go,

10:11I was like, but I came to my mates. I went, I don't know who that is. She's an absolute rocket and she's really funny. But you only spoke for about a second. That's all I need. I mean, I've just got all the chat. What can I say? I think I can tell within five minutes of speaking to someone whether intelligent, funny, I've got a brain. I'm attracted to people that are funny and intelligent. I don't, you know, looks are obviously really important, but if you've got it all, then it kind of works really well. I can't do the whole like, oh, you know, fake lips, fake t***, nothing to say vibe. It doesn't work.

10:40so I anyway I then went back to her and I was going oh damn I think she's married anyway forget about it then I think then I realised I already followed her and how recent was this it's so too many years ago but anyway I then I then walked I then walked back into the I went back home and then people would start tagging his photos and then I clicked on her photo and I was like oh just making sure she definitely was married you left you left and immediately stopped f*** off James oh yes I just happened to go home no no I did people were tagging I was like oh gosh It was that lady. Okay, I basically stalked her, found out that she was married.

11:14Doubly confirmed she's married. And I realised I already followed her. And then I realised I was on the show, but I had no idea I'd already even booked to be on the show. And I didn't put two in together, I didn't have any idea. And then I got a voice note from our producer, Anya. And she said, oh, so we've got a guest coming on, James Haskell. And I was like, James Haskell? I recognise that name. I think he just slid into my DMs. And then, so I, so that's when I messaged you and I was like, I think you're coming on my show. Yeah, I know. And I didn't know. How weird. Like, that is weird. Were you like, it's the universe.

11:46We're supposed to be together. Well, I wasn't going to say that. But it was just very weird. Say hello. I just double checked. She's married. That's it. Don't worry about it. Yeah. Had I not been married, what would be your next move? Ask her out for a drink. What's your chat up lines? How do you chat to them? I don't really have chat up lines. I just talk to people. What happened on Celebs Go Dating? Well, do you know what? I think, I think every time I spoke to, to, to, to women, they always want to be heard, listen to, ask questions and have someone that responds. And also someone doesn't talk too much about themselves, which is where I fall down.

12:22But no, I, I don't know. I just would always talk to them and listen. How are you doing? What are you doing? I know you kind of got to get some avenues of interest because, you know, I'd, I'd say, oh, you know, about the funny stuff you do, the show, what you're doing, how, you know, do you ever been to race? I know we just keep doing stuff like that. And then it just evolves, really. And I listen. So the one feedback I always got from a celebrity dating was they were like, oh, he actually listens. He remembers everything about me. That is nice. Genuinely as well. Women do like that because a lot of the time, especially with our husbands, you tell them something and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

12:56And I'm like, so did you do it? Like, what are you talking about now? Yeah. Listening to me. Like, you didn't tell me. Yeah. I did. But I just think that's quite a powerful and important tool, I think. Because on the Celebsco dating thing, when I went on it, the narrative that came out, my narrative arc was my chat was shit. See, I saw that. Yeah. But I think you have good chat. Yeah. Were you just nervous? No, it wasn't bad. So basically, the actual truth, and I don't want to dispel anything too much about Celebsco dating because I had an amazing experience with it. But obviously, they have to create a narrative arc for you.

13:32And obviously, the show as a premise is very interesting because you've got love experts take the job very seriously. you've got producers trying to make TV you've got to sow six celebrities lives together and celebrities inverted commas and you've got to find people to date that want to be on TV which again is a different kind of product so you've got to be a bit careful about that and so there's a lot of stuff that they'd asked me to ask people and then turn around and said oh okay yeah because one of the times when I got that video when Anna who I absolutely love yeah she's awesome she's a wicked lady she's been on our show oh she is she's brilliant and she they basically came up to me and this is the true story about it.

14:08I went to this mixer and my life is spent like schmoozing people and talking to corporates and everything else. So I walked into a room and there's lots of gay guys, lots of women. I was flirting with the gay guys, flirting with the girls, chatting to everyone multiple tables at a time. So when they came up to me and said, how are you getting on? Right, in my head, very humble in my head, I was like, I'm on fire here. And they asked me out of 10, how are you going to do it? And I was going to go like nine. Oh, wow. Right? But then I thought I'd give it a humble seven to play it down. Yeah. And I went seven, and they went, it's a two.

14:41Oh, my God. That's harsh. But my face was like this, right? Because they just told me to ask the stupid questions that they wanted. And I was like, you. Oh, they caught you then. They got me. And so I was about to go. I've never in my life asked anyone what was someone's party trick or, like, you know, what are you looking for straight off the bat? All these, like, banal questions. But obviously there was a couple of times as well where some reasons, people don't give you a lot. If I talk to people who don't give me a lot back, you sort of panic a little bit. And I started asking people like, you know, can you drive?

15:15Or something like that. Because I'd been on a date with a girl that had said she couldn't drive and had taken 100 hours of lessons and still couldn't drive. Now my first reaction was like, you can fly a space shuttle in 100 hours. Like what are you doing? Yeah, it took me six times to pass my test. I actually felt like my mum took seven times. I don't know. Your mum and I would get on. Yeah, yeah, perfect. Oh, really? F***ing hell. Jesus Christ. Mum would love you as well. Your husband's going to kill me. Listen, you know. Honestly, you're in safe hands. Also, we love Chloe. Oh, yeah, Chloe's amazing.

15:50Yeah, Chloe's amazing. But we are single, so, you know. Yeah, that's true. And didn't she tell you to go on the show? So, the thing is, you know, it's a hard one because we obviously talked about it. they present it to me and I at the time in my life was not that keen to do a show like that but dating and romance and affection is a very difficult topic I when you've been separate we've been separated three years now I obviously have a very close relationship with her I massively respect her and I had as she had the dated people in the loosest possible terms had sort of you know I've been having fun or whatever.

16:26And I didn't want to ever rub it in her face. Like, you know, Chloe's quite, she's open and honest about it. So I'm honest, but I don't, I wouldn't want to sit down and discuss stuff. So when I was on that show, I was presented with something where suddenly I was going to have to date in front of her. And I would not like it if it was the other way around. I just wouldn't like it. Because, you know, I still love Chloe. She's the mother of my child. You know, I appreciate her. What an intelligent, successful, amazing woman. And you have really close relationships with her family. Yeah, 100%. And like, you know, it was very important for me when we had a child that you put your ego to one side.

17:01And, you know, Chloe's still a hugely attractive woman. She's in incredible shape. She's an amazing woman. Yeah, but the mechanics and stuff don't necessarily work. So to go on a show and then kind of date would be, I thought was not a good idea. So we sat down and we talked about kind of the financial benefits of it and what that would do. And actually for me at my time, I was in a bit of a crossroads. I'd just turned 40. I'm getting divorced I'm his dad my father had passed away I was trying to find different working things I wanted to do so it was a quite nice way to kick start back in so she supported me on it and we did it but I finished the show I went I took a girl called Dottie to the finale it's really lovely but you sort of finish the show and real life kicks in and we haven't really had caught up I think she's dating someone else now so it was kind of I'm back to exactly where I was I love what an amazing relationship yeah I don't really know that many people that have separated that have that and it's obviously maturity on both of your parts but do you have like what are your boundaries have you set them between each other yes I think you've got to set boundaries and look there will be I'm sure a dramatic change when someone gets a partner either way right I think for me I'm actually very comfortable being single I was going to say do you actually want a partner or not apart from me well yeah when that becomes available potentially but as you get older and you get into different vibes people are very people aren't very aware of of when people are hitting them not hitting on them and stuff like that and i you know i i never get hit on um you know people always think about the djing stuff people hit on you but then others will say oh they were but girls are not as a woman is not as as forward necessarily but i actually really admire confidence i presume you get hit on all the time no not at all no can you play a nina sky for me i know your DJing's not like that.

18:48It's not like a welcome to the disco, guys. Got my ghetto blaster. Shabba. Loudly scream, the faster ride. The buffet's now open. Yeah, I'm not really like that. Someone will ask me, go, yeah. There's a Peugeot 206, number EO 425, blocking the thing. Yeah, no, that's not the kind of thing I'm playing at. I like me, I like to take one look at me and go, yeah, bingo hall in Bolton. That's me. All right, ladies, let's have a good time. Eyes down for a full house. Do you have like flashing lights on your big boombox? Someone said to me the other day, do you bring your own stuff? I went, oh yeah, I've got a van with a smoke machine, a traffic light.

19:32What do you think? And I went, what do you normally do? Well, I'm not a DJ in clubs, I just turn up my USBs and headphones, they've got everything for me. Oh my God. So people don't hit on you. No, no, people don't hit, no. That's for DJ requests. No, I don't take requests as well. Oh, do you not? Well, if I come to your gig in Ibiza, you're going to have to take my request. You can have whatever you want. You can have whatever you want. It's not a problem. Request anything you want, I'll play it. In a minute, I'll just stop it. Aga do? Yeah, she's fit. Look, honestly, for you, I'll aga do anything you want.

20:03Oh, my God. Right. Oh, dear. Anywho. Right. I think at the moment, I'm very comfortable. I went on a dating show, and what it reinforced for me was, I'm quote words of um one of the experts I'm I'm sapiosexual I want someone who's intelligent what's sapiosexual like you're you're attracted to intelligence and like vibe and stuff like that yeah and so I think I think um I think for me that that's a very important element I think I have a busy life yeah and I think that being a sportsman doing what other stuff I did I have I'm quite selfish but you know which is not an issue because it helps you be successful I mean What athlete have you ever met that doesn't have an element of selfishness?

20:46My husband was a GB decathlete. And when we first got together, I went round to his house and he got up and he made himself a cup of tea and sat next to me. And I was like, oh, what's going on here? And he was so finely tuned into when he's eating, when he's drinking, when he's training. Everything was just so institutionalised. And how do you find that? Obviously, you've spoken openly about ADHD. yeah so i my quick background about my my so i was um about nine years old when i got diagnosed a long time ago right i think my parents i was quite a smart kid but couldn't sit still couldn't really concentrate um my school reports always could do more my mum bless her you know if anything was ever wrong with me she'd always try and invest in me to fix it you know um and i went i remember seeing lots of practitioners that would try two different things there's one that used to brush special parts of your face and bits and stuff to help you i didn't i just tried everything at a wit's end so i think they then took me to um a psychiatrist and she said look he's highly intelligent he's he's these these things but we think he's got um add or adhd whichever one without the thing so anyway they said we'll put your written in i didn't notice a massive tangible difference but it taught me to be able to sit and focus really i don't it just it just it worked to me i didn't i didn't feel like i was a zombie didn't feel like anything i just calmed your brain calmed my brain down and you're how old at this point i was like um 10 9 10 right so anyway in that period of time i never no one knew my friends knew about it no one spoke to me about it i never told anyone about it uh only the house master in school knew about it and that was it and for like 20 years i'd never met anyone who had ever really ever spoken about it and then you continued to take that medication?

22:25I took all the medication until I was 17. Oh wow, okay, so seven years, wow. For the week before my first England under 18s game, the team doctor came in and went, right, are any of you taking any prescription medicine? I said, I'm taking Ritter, and he went, what? They were taking Ritter, and he was like, well, we're going to have to pull you out of the game. Oh my gosh. Right, because it's a performance-enhancing drug. So I got pulled out of my first England under 18s game, and at the time, I was the only person doing weights, I was big and in good shape so everyone then thought i would take been caught for taking but i wasn't at all but it was because the written and you never told i never told them about it and also it wasn't there wasn't social media bits back then there wasn't anyone talking about it or anything else no so i then basically never met anyone until i think the last 10 years you're tripping over people with with it allegedly so i had a very different mindset around um uh adhd because i also started therapy when I was 17 to help with performance in rugby so when I was going through that I obviously unlocked loads of things that I didn't like I was very lacking in self-confidence didn't deal with criticism very well um didn't really believe in myself um you know and I had to work really really hard and actually when people were um critical of me it was really crushing yeah and I found that obviously as um uh you know obviously a byproduct that people have ADHD but because I had it so early on no one ever attributed any of these things to it so I can't tell you what ADHD is meant to have I just know that I got diagnosed with it that I think it's a it's a superpower I my things that I do not like is I have not watched one minute of celebs go dating I did not watch one minute of um I'm a celebrity because when I go in to do something and it's edited for me i find that very hard work i find very hard work people turning me into something that i'm not and not i'm very aware of what i say but if i speak and it's cut short edited or whatever that's not me um things like you know if you dj and social media comments and critics and stuff i do not and what would what would happen if you did read and watch if you went to a comment section on something that had been edited and you knew that there's going to be negativity how would that affect you for the rest of the day do you know what the best do you know the best thing is when i when i started doing therapy right and this is a lesson for i believe generally about mental health so we've got adhd anxiety depression right if you don't have any treatment and how you react to something could impact you months days weeks whatever so i think talking about stuff's really important diagnosis of stuff is important but for me it's only the very first step and so when people come up and go i've got adhd you're like okay what are you doing about nothing well then don't tell me yeah i've got depression okay what are you doing about it nothing i've got anxiety okay what are you doing about it's they're not badges of honor that excuse you or give you bonus points because it they are things to go right this is stay one of the journey if you go and get therapy or understand what what triggers you like criticism before what would happen is i'd read it i'd you know say something negative about my playing it's there in my head I'd overthink about it.

25:34It would affect my confidence. I'd be a bit worried about it. But what I did is when I started doing therapy around that, I started getting tools to manage that. So instead of taking a week or a couple of hours, five minutes out of my head, and I'd understand how to go and fix it. So if it was a mistake in rugby, the way I would deal with it off a bad game would be right. I'd deal with the emotional response, and then I'd go, okay, how can I make it better? I'll go to a coach. I'll get the tools to fix it. I'll work on it. I'll deal with it. And that's how I deal with it. if I see comments now it just doesn't really do anything for me because I kind of can switch out of it very quickly because I've done so much work and that's the thing, and look it still gets you a little bit because everyone likes to want to be loved you can have a thousand positive one negative, that's all you think about but I think of the validity of for example I love DJ if Carl Cox wrote on my DJ this your shit that would really hurt yeah so i respect his opinion if if joe blogs from number 32 goes you couldn't you know you couldn't mix a cup of tea i'm like i just don't care it would really hurt if louise said it though really wouldn't give a shit if i said it but never say anything bad i promise um how do you find adhd and parenting like how like what's your take on that well it's an interesting one really because again i think i think because i um spent so much time working on myself i sort of spend a lot of time and i think this is where the listening comes from is because you have to be self-aware um in terms of how you conduct yourself so when i walk into a room i'm always watching people's body language how they react what they're thinking what i think about that person don't think about what effect am i having on that person what have i said i My mind just does that all the time.

27:25I never switch off. It's like an out-of-body experience from what you say when you're walking in clocking, body language, all that sort of stuff, where some people will be like, well, I just walked in a room and didn't notice. I sometimes wonder if I'm ADHD. I don't know. I just think, it's just one of those things, I just notice a lot of stuff about people. Very aware. Very aware. But I'm also, I watch how, you know, if I walk into a room and do stuff, I can see people instantly think, you know, I can see people who don't like me straight away or who think I am someone exactly as they think I am.

27:56And then it's quite nice to disarm them. And then you can see them go, actually, you're not quite as brash and moronic as I thought you were or whatever it might be. Or would that be your paranoia kicking in, thinking they don't like me? Or is that just you being really observant? No, I don't. It's just you watch people. You just watch people. It's just the way it tightens up. Like I used to do it in the room. I'll tell you why I know it's not my, because I'm not paranoid about it. I kind of just, I know that I am a bit of an acquired taste. Even with the teammates we had on my podcast, each one of them said, before I met James Haskell, I wanted to punch him in the face.

28:28Then I hung around with him. He's a really good lad. I still want to punch him in the face. No, he's your best mate. Yeah, he's my best mate. That's my mum. But that's like every guest. So I kind of understand that. And I think with that process, once you kind of learn about yourself and you spend a bit of time looking at things, like when my father passed away, not long ago, but I always look at it like the way they parented me in terms of parenting with my daughter. And how did your parents parent you? So my parents parents were really present, very loving. My dad was hypercritical. My mum was always very kind of, as mums are, you know, you're amazing.

29:09They were very, very hard working. First part of my childhood, my dad was always at work, but would come to every sports game, but would be at work. And you went to boarding school from what age? Yeah, I went to boarding school from 10 to 18. and so with parenting I'm really aware of like what do my parents do well for me well how do I make sure I set a standard for for for Bodhi you know how do I make sure that um I do the things that I really like but didn't like from my parents yeah and and also you know bringing up a girl you know the way I for example I treat her mum is how she will reference how men should treat yes and that's why the way that you're doing it just seems amazing like respectful great communication and your relationship with her just seems brilliant.

29:54But also there's sponges, aren't there? So I sit in the car and say someone does something in the car. You know, you say something and you're like, you can't get it right. And I'm not worried about never getting things wrong. But I always think about like, you know, with my dad, you know, what did I not like? I didn't like loads of criticism, didn't really deal with him very well. He loved me and I knew he was very proud of me all the time. So when he passed away, there wasn't any like unrequited sort of stuff around that. it was just trying to communicate how i could do something better by telling me i wasn't very good but then that didn't really work for some people it works really well yeah i need to be like show listen you did this this well this not so well here's how to fix it and i will work but then saying we're talking about like the parenting and djing and and and dating and stuff but we haven't touched on the fact that like your rugby career was phenomenal well yeah that is 77 caps for england is literally incredible so how i'm always really interested to ask sportsmen about how they were parented because whatever your parents have done whether you know if your dad was really critical you tend to hear that with professional athletes that one of the parents was quite critical and pushy or a bit forceful and then the other parent was sort of like you know that comfort blanket but whatever that combination is has created your success yeah so And my parents, my parents were never pushy.

31:14What they were was they couldn't abide just saying no without ever trying it. If I wanted to quit or I didn't want to do it, he would always just say, look, just give it a try, give it a go. Didn't ever just thought, you just need to keep going. And he was always present for those games. Came to watch every single game. Oh, that's amazing. And coming to school, that was really supportive. things like you know i'd come back from a game and say i had a game on sunday he'd clean my boots for me always have my kit my mum would always make sure that i was that those that kind of so proud oh my god imagine am i right in saying that your mum kind of took you to rugby lessons because of your hyperactiveness and i'm like what am i gonna do like classic mum isn't like my god all this energy like go go and do something and then from that yeah i mean i never wanted to beer rugby player, too honest to you, the only, I, so my, sort of childhood was spent, I always wanted to join the army, so my dad, I think, which is my mum's like upset ones, got me like a BB gun, so I would go to army surplus shops as a kid, and I'd have all the, it was like back in the army things, like a gas mask, and I'd run around the garden pretending I was doing army missions, and you know, I was, and I'd be out always like digging and gardening, and like, I loved diggers, and so I wanted to be a digger driver, I wanted to drive a JCB.

32:31I mean, that's very cool yeah very cool but I actually did you know the only qualification I've got is to drive a excavator 10 ton above on any building site really that's cool I know I've got a ticket that says a trained operator I did a thing with JCB I did it in two weeks honestly I've got every question right on the exam every question right on everything and then I've basically got it everywhere and I then you go on Celebs Go Date and they're like that was a 2 out of 10 that was a 2 out of 10 no so that's my fallback plan so if I get cancelled or cancelled again, I think I'll... You know what you do in construction.

33:03Here we go. That's what I mean. I'm really aware of watching parents and people put their concerns onto the kids. And you will always have your biases. I think to my mum, about my mum and dad, what they gave me, some of my preconditioned thoughts about certain things, places in the world, things... So I basically don't ever want to do that with my daughter. But also I want to make sure as well that the language that I use around myself, because I think it's really important that you don't talk badly about yourself. Oh, totally. It's really important how you talk to yourself. Yeah, because I did with the therapy, I spent a lot of time doing visualization, do it all the time.

33:50And now people are obviously getting much more into manifestation and everything else. But one of the key tools that I learned was if I ever had lots of negative thoughts, mistakes or concerns or fears, one of the things I worked with my therapist was you could stop in that moment, replay the thing in your head, visualize it going differently. And I do that all the time. So if I play a game and I was like, imagine this goes badly and I'd stop myself. No, it goes well. And because I'd actually done it well, I could I could recount it. and you know they did it with prisoners in prison who played golf before they went in they all did loads of visualization every single one of the handicaps went up without ever playing so it's a very powerful tool there's lots of studies around it so i always think about kind of the way you talk about yourself even with offhand comments around my door you know um you know like uh oh i'm this i'm that i don't feel good i always try to be very positive not talk about myself badly and also with the particularly with a with a with a little girl you know you look at lots of things that women have that have had you know i know lots of girls have had eating disorders and bits of bad relationships with food and and all the kind of stuff and the society's concerned with appearance i try to all i'm you know i don't really know what i'm doing i'm trying to always make sure that you know because she's very pretty little girl i'm like you're beautiful i love how fast i love intelligent you're so funny so i'm trying to always keep it around that kind of stuff but very acutely aware of kind of what what you're doing and i just try to make sure you protect them as much as possible can i just say i I think it's really admirable and I'm sure anyone watching will agree that you have therapy and you're openly saved there.