Katie Piper reacts to your parenting fails | No Parental Guidance

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1:25Katie Piper:Our guest today is a woman who honestly needs no introduction. We are talking about the incredible Katie Piper. She's here. Hello. Good morning. On our podcast, we talk about parenting fails. We've said ours, you've said some, but now we have some from our listeners who send them in and they're always brilliant. So we'll have a little chat. Okay, here we go. Please keep me anonymous because I cannot face the school gates. Love it already. I got called in for a quick chat with my son's teacher. Oh, stomach drops immediately. Yeah, we did. Apparently during circle time when they were talking about kindness and not hitting, but my five-year-old proudly put his hand up and said, but my daddy smacks my mommy's bottom all the time and she seems to like it.

2:09The teacher said that although she saw the funny side of it,

2:16Katie Piper:to maybe keep this private as it confuses how he's starting to see hitting other people, I could have crawled into a hole and died. Bless her. Do you say? I mean, I get the same. My husband will just smack my bum quite often, actually. It's an endearing thing, isn't it? It's funny how it's like... But he doesn't smack mine, actually. Yeah, I get smacked, but, you know, in an endearing way. Daddy always dry, humps mummy over the dishwasher. But they do. You know, if you're, like, bending over. Oh, come on. They're playing animals in the kitchen. I mean, if he doesn't do it, I get a bit like, oh.

2:52Katie Piper:Yeah. Hang on a minute. Yeah. You're like, stop it when they do it. I'm here. It's a compliment and you've got to take it where you can get it. But the thought of that at school is when you get that phone call, like you said, stomach drops straight away and you think, oh my God, what's happened? Is it going to reflect on me as a mother? Am I bad? Have I done something wrong? It's when they call you over in the school gates and all the other parents can see you being beckoned over. And some people are like, oh, it's your turn today. And other people are like, stay away from that child then. But sometimes you want to just turn around and go, do you know what?

3:22like if you've got a nice teacher that's fine but sometimes the teachers want to make their point yeah and they know other parents can hear and sometimes you think you know i've had a really day at work i'm in a rush i need a wee do you fight back then are you saying no no so i would just be like okay and in my head it's i'll be i'm really sorry about that it won't happen again and then i'll go off and think right i'm gonna make a reel about this yeah yeah exactly

3:44Katie Piper:yeah exactly like a teacher pulled me aside and she said uh your daughter was hiding behind the bike shed when she should have been back in class and i just went oh well she's smoking and the teacher was like no and that's not funny i was like i know sorry wrong crowd let's move on from that so yeah i was kind of learning the lesson to kind of not try and be funny yeah um but in that moment though when you get a bit nervous and anxious like for me the best way to deal with it is to say like a really silly immature comment and then if you say it and it's like education is not funny yeah okay guys you heard it wrong crowd yeah wrong crowd audience yeah right i've got one here it says anonymous please because i'd like to keep my job oh my gosh right i'm a nanny for two little boys the mum is very into clean eating no sugar no additives yesterday i took them to the park and another nanny offered them a homemade cookie i panicked and people please and said yes before remembering the no sugar rule i told the boys it was a vitamin biscuit they got home absolutely buzzing and straight away one of them told his mum mummy we had a vitamin biscuit and I feel woohoo I think she knows they were in fact not vitamin biscuits it sounds like something more illegal don't you think though um with the whole sugar I get the concept behind it yeah sometimes it's like when I take my kids to my parents or their other set of grandparents it's like have what you want have sugar have sweets it's a quick fix to make the kids happy but sometimes it's like if you restrict too much and the kids are like oh i got a packet of biscuits or a packet of sweets for christmas all of a sudden they'll take the biscuits and hide them somewhere and like binge eat them don't want to demonize any food right because i just think everything in moderation is fine right do you know what though i feel like it's a british thing of like i am such a people pleaser that i could have a full-on allergy to something and if i go around to yours and you've cooked it for me i'm just like yep i've done that yeah i i hate mackerel with a passion yeah and my friend had a dinner party and it was a mackerel starter and I ate the lot yeah and I hated every mouthful but I was like I can't not I don't want to be that person that's like I don't like this like she's gonna have out of way to cook me dinner so yeah January I broke it just to be polite because I'm someone who wanted me out for a drink and I couldn't stand up for myself don't lie you're like right moving on um hi I love all of the parenting fails that get sent in and I actually have one this week that goes full circle to a I failed my parent moment I'm from a really rural area but now live in London and my 70 year old mum came to visit at the weekend she's not used to the transport in London at all anyway after a boozy lunch we were at Paddington and I accidentally sent her to the wrong platform when I was on the toilet I came back from the loo.

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8:03Katie Piper:Only has she got on the wrong train, but he had also left. It took us about 45 minutes before we were reunited. Oh, dear. Poor mum. I find that quite funny. I feel like that was the alcohol, though. Yeah. That's the kind of thing that if it happened to me and my mum, we would laugh about it for a long time. Yeah. I mean, I've definitely had since becoming a mum, like, you know, when you're on the train and you're like, oh, my gosh, I now love commuting because it's respite. I love the train. Love the train. It's the gift of time. Yeah. And I'll do my like admin and all my stuff. But I have had times where I'm just exhausted from being a parent and I just fall asleep on the train and do end up in like Edinburgh.

8:42Katie Piper:And then just move on with my life and start again. Oh, do you know the five hour journey back after we go back to sleep again? I love that walk from when I put my daughter last night from nursery and nursery had told me that she'd thrown a spoon at mealtimes and I did that thing is it a rule they have to tell you I don't you know I don't know if it is or not or sometimes you know where it's like oh you know when you say have you had a good day I feel as if they need to give you feedback and maybe I might just take the approach now of going to nursery hiya lovely to see like my husband does go in come on we're going and not have that chit chat because i feel the chit chat sometimes leads to telling you something that actually maybe they weren't going to tell you don't open that can of worms yeah but also you've got an app with your nursery so you can see everything right when they slept what they ate i never had that i've done a weed and a poo it's great do you have that thing where you can comment under the photos yes yeah i've missed out on so much in my parenting life it's another admin thing where yeah so you've got like your kid building a castle and then all the parents especially a group shot are like well done Sebastian that's great looking good and I'm like I better paste my comment no okay I wouldn't like that because you're right it's just another it's like another whatsapp chat I did something really bad a few years ago so my little boy was in kindergarten and it was post uh like during covid so parents were uploading pictures into the the chat of like what things your kids have been doing so I tried to be mother earth and I got some like spaghetti and he was putting stuff like feeding it through and uh what i'd actually done is i took the same picture um and i put it on my instagram stories and i said oh me being uh mother earth great mother today getting my son to put effing beads through pasta and oh god i you know it's consistent and you know when uh you you i used to put an instagram story and it automatically save onto my camera roll yeah um so i uploaded that oh with the caption to the school in the kindergarten chat oh that's a great fail and then i was like going through and then i left it other people's pictures and the teacher his teacher commented and said oh it looks like bradley's had a good day and then i was like and then oh my god i realized what i'd done and i screenshotted and i messaged the teacher I was like I'm really sorry about that it's extremely like unprofessional is it unprofessional of me as a parent as this job I have this new career I've found oh my god oh it was so embarrassing I don't know she did she taught my little boy I can subscribe yeah but it was like years ago before I actually started using Instagram and stuff so um it just came across as me being probably a terrible mother that's brilliant but you know those moments where you go oh that's really embarrassed um but now the next one is i decided it was time to give my daughter the period chat have you had the period chat uh yes yeah well i mean they do it in like year five year six yes we're year seven now so yeah yeah again i just think that's something i don't know about when we were at school but my experience of my kids now is that's just talked about like sex ed everything from yeah my my um eldest who is year nine he knows so much about periods yeah and it's not really yeah and he's just like yeah well you know they don't take the boys out anymore no no it's like it's very much like this happens boys and girls in the classroom yeah this happens it's great it's so much better it's like not like a hidden disgusting thing it's like this happens she's angry yeah because of her hormones yeah buy her chocolate and don't be yeah i don't even think I think like, because there are some lessons you can opt out for and not consent, but I don't even think you can not consent to that because it's a biology.

12:24Katie Piper:Yeah. It's nature. Thank God. Yeah. Everyone, boys just need to help them in their future life. They need to know why girls have periods and what will happen. So I decided it was time to give my daughter the period chat. I really built it up in my head. I lit a candle, made it empowering. Sounds like a sailor. I know. It does, doesn't it? Yeah. Jesus. And then lit a candle, made it empowering, drew some pictures and used words like cycle and hormones. Really, I thought I'd smashed it. She just sat there blinking at me and went, Mum, we did this in year five. Oh, there you go. She said, also, can you not say uterus ever again?

12:58I heard her giggling, telling her friend the next day about my diagrams. Oh, that's so sad.

13:04Katie Piper:But I do respect that. I don't know about you guys growing up, but I was never taught how to insert a tampon, apart from looking at the picture. Yes, on the packet. I didn't know. The nice big leaflet, the concertina. and I the first time I used a tampon it was my friend's mother's tampons it was like an extra super one I basically lost my virginity to a tampon and it was the most uncomfortable thing ever and I remember thinking how I can't have this for like every month now until I'm what in my mid-40s I don't have them anymore which is lovely but I am on the coils it's stopped and it's lovely but you just literally looked at the diagram just looked at the diagram put your leg off thing yeah and then you think how far can this go in I'm gonna lose it yeah well that's what yeah but a diagram now is retro because you think of all the light resources kids have and all the videos and social media and everything is there anything that you do as a parent that you know we might not know about you i'm a bit like a parking attendant right so i have a fining system in my house uh it really really works right so we they they have bank cards they've only just recently got bank cards because we got into that part in maths where you're teaching them money coins value of money the homework is like get out 20p 10p i'm like guys we're gonna have to go and like rob a charity box to do that because we don't have 20ps in our house so i said to rich like really to teach them the value of money they need to start tapping with a bank account that they can see decreasing or increasing because they're not going to get the value of money by coming to the shops of us because we're just not handing over physical um money anymore so we give them like 10 pounds a month and then we fine them from that float so we find like usually 50p but pound if it's really bad um and then to rebuild they'll need to do something beyond their own kind of like responsibilities um and what kind of things would they get fined for um like making me repeat myself constantly like in the mornings like my kids would be broke oh yeah and I make they go they've been down to zero and then it hurts it hurts right especially for my eldest who wants to buy unnecessary things like sheet masks and eyebrow gel she can't buy them um so yeah like repeating myself uh being rude to me ignoring what I said assuming that I should do all their stuff for them uh lying about homework and trying to do all homework Sunday night um it's just like a really effective thing and it's kind of for me like I know some people will be critical of it like I still pay for my kids toiletries and basic food and stuff like that but this is how the adult world works of like accountability and we do get like late late payment penalties and yeah absolutely I might try and do that with my husband he'd be skint as well and it's really good because like the the card that they've got I have the banking up on my phone so I get the thing up and I'm like 50p lost yeah there it is you seem so calm oh really like yeah just such a calm yeah I was thinking that as well actually yeah like I feel like sometimes when we have guests we're like I need to be more like her oh yeah you've got your together and yeah and you just seem like a genuinely amazing parent you're like listen this is what I find hard this is what I enjoy about parenting and it's so nice and refreshing to have a mum with everything you've been through and and the focus that you've got and how much you're trying to help other people off the back of what's happened to you it's so so inspiring like I've read all your books I was so excited that you were coming on the podcast and I think it's just really nice for people to listen it's like you are like we all are just normal mums like trying to make the best of your kids and like some bits can be really tough I wouldn't class myself as a good parent when I knew I was coming on the pod right I started to panic I was having a chat with claude about it and i was like i'm going on a parenting podcast but i'm not really a very good parent and i was like but actually what what i am is i enjoy being a parent but i'm not necessarily like the best i don't have loads of tupperware and stuff like that you know i don't yeah but i don't nobody is the best parent that's that's the beauty of it isn't it nobody but i'm glad i can let you know that you are a good parent yeah because you care that's exactly good isn't it exactly but thanks so so much for coming on the podcast thank you so much yeah thank you Thank you so much.

17:19Katie Piper:Katie, bye for everyone. Thank you. Thank you. If you loved this episode as much as we did, please hit that subscribe button and leave us a review.

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