Larry Lamb: Gavin & Stacey, Christmas, and saying goodbye to your kids

0:00Hannah:Right, before we get into today's chaos, we need to talk about teachers. Specifically the ones somehow teaching maths whilst trying to find Oscar's lost jumper for the third time this week. Now today's episode is sponsored by Tesco Free Fruit and Veg for Schools, who are supporting National Thank a Teacher Day this year, celebrating the teachers and support staff who go above and beyond every single day. And when families submit a thank you, schools could benefit from the Tesco Free Fruit and Veg for Schools programme with up to 100 schools in with a chance of winning£1 ,000 Tesco Fruit and Veg Grant.

0:34Hannah:So today we're asking our guest who was the teacher who inspired them, along with their parenting fails and all the usual no parental guidance chaos. Now if there's a teacher or support staff you want to thank, go to www.thankateacher.co.uk and we'll also drop the link in the show's description and over in our Instagram bio. And by sending a free thank you e-card, your school will be entered for a chance to win. Now let's crack on with the show. Crack on. Coming up, it's Larry Lamb, everyone. We were in Victoria Station in charge of these kids and we both lost them. 78, you've got kids in their 40s and you're worried about them every bit as much as when they're babies.

1:22Christopher Reeve and I were the only people that were in all three Superman films. Really?

1:29Hannah:Because they're my favourite movies of all time.

1:39Hannah:It's Christmas! Literally, are you ready? I am. I am ready. I'm excited. Yeah? I am actually. I've got, I feel like I've gone past the panic of Christmas and now I feel like I can enjoy the rest of it now. Yeah. I hope. I have had a glass of champagne. Yeah. We literally necked it before we started. I'm feeling slightly like, yeah, that's not the good choice. Are you ready? Yeah, whatever. What will be, will be. What will be, will be. Also, we're not hosting this year, which is the first time in a long time. Yeah. So it's quite nice to did not have that pressure. But that's a good thing because your husband is injured.

2:18Hannah:Yes, so this is, yes, bless him. He's had the most middle-aged man injury. He's dislocated his knee quite badly whilst playing paddle. My middle child was sent home from school yesterday because he vomited, but it's not a proper sick situation because he's on some medication that can make him be sick. right uh but the school phoned me ironically as i was making a reel about the school ringing me uh going oh he's not really been sick though has he it's not it's like phlegm sick is it real it's got carrots in it and then the school nurse phoned and i was like oh my god and then and then she was like can you come and get him he's he's not very well he went home he had toad in the hole he had some smiley faces and peas and a yogurt went to bed slept 12 hours absolutely fine today but can't go to school but i get they've got to have the policy in place they do Have you ever lied?

3:15Yes, I have. Yes, I have, Louise. Fine. A lot of times. I have as well. You go to school and you do not say you were sick.

3:21Hannah:And they're fine. Yeah, they're fine. You're fine. Do you remember my daughter was at nursery during COVID and they had to take the temperature every time they went into the nursery. And if their temperature was slightly above the normal, we sent home. And my daughter was teething. So her temperature was slightly higher. I do recall when it used to be tradition where I grew up in North Allerton that you'd go out on Christmas Eve and get absolutely hammered. Smashed. Now, my dad said to me, we used to have steak for Christmas dinner, and my dad made this lovely mushroom creamy sauce. And he said, Hannah, can you stir the sauce every five minutes?

3:57And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bit hungover at this point. And then next thing, it was half an hour later, and all I could smell was this burn. Oh, no. And I won't tell you what my dad said to me, but he called me a name and he told me that I'd ruined Christmas. That's a fail right there. I remember years later, just like dinner's ready and your head's down the toilet like, because you've done too many aftershocks and blue wickets.

4:19Hannah:Yeah, we used to go out on Christmas Eve. I'm talking 17, 18. There was this one place that we all went to in Richmond where I grew up. Everyone went to this one particular pub. It was like everyone's ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends. Everyone went there. And I think everyone secretly loved it, but no one ever said it. And bless my mom, like considering by that point, I very much knew the cat was out the bag with Santa. But she would wait up for us to come home, like my sister included. And we'd probably rock in about two in the morning. And my mom would still be up going, I was waiting for you because I've got to do something very special when you're asleep.

4:56Hannah:And we're like, mom, that's really sweet. But you could have just gone to bed and we are aware that it's you. But she still stayed up. She still did bring that magic of Christmas. And I just want to say to any mums listening right now, you bring the magic for Christmas. Yeah, totally. And you're all amazing. You've all had the mental load and the never-ending list of things to do. And you are bringing so much magic and joy to your kids. Well, it actually feels quite emotional just thinking about it. So thank you, everyone, for being so amazing and marvellous. Any parenting fails this? Or triumphs.

5:36Hannah:Maybe we should end the year with a triumph. I have both. You go first. Well, I always say that my parenting felt isn't my fault. And it's not. Again. You always say that, Louise. I know I do. Never my fault. It wasn't me. I think it's just the, it's my daughter. The whole elves on the shelves thing. So when it, towards the end now, we've got two days to go. I've kind of like, I've kind of, I've given up basically. But she knows that it's me. But then, so she then does elf on the shelf for me. so she's getting the elves and she's six by the way she's getting the elves and she's making her own scenario and what things and it's chaos is it i come down in the morning i don't know what i'm going to find she went into the the spice cupboard and got out like tabasco and a bit of paprika and she's like put it all over the kitchen counter i was like oh the elf threw up and i'm did it naughty elf naughty elf and then and this is when I had to stop it all um she went into the she got a carving knife out

6:46Hannah:oh my god and just put the just put the big knife like next to the elf and and I was like it has to stop now yeah like yeah stop uh and it did stop knife crime is not welcome in this house no uh but i you know i love her imagination um but really does anyone else have this problem or is it just my child that's taken over the whole elf on the shelf so she's kind of gone listen mum what you're doing is actually it she's pretending that she believes you but she secretly knows that it's not you and now she's gone watch this and i love her for it but i'm also like why stop it it's just an extra thing like I I guess this is like a parenting fail so when growing up like remember Easter and you get your Easter eggs and you open the Easter eggs and there's a pack of buttons inside yeah so that was like when Easter eggs used to be like normal not like the six foot Easter eggs that you can get now and it wasn't till I was 14 I went to my friend's house and said I've got an Easter egg um shall we have it and she goes I'll have the buttons and you can have some of the egg and I was like what do you mean buttons what I established my mother right my whole life until I turned 14 years old had been peeling the foil off the easter egg opening it taking whatever was inside closing it over and putting the foil back on again wow yeah busted absolutely busted I was fuming I would be absolutely I was like Christine the best part not acceptable behavior so i started to do that for my kids so i like you know carrying on so then bradley once came like last year and i was i like peeled the foil and i'd open the egg and he was like mommy what you doing so you know when you go in the kitchen and you do that mom like shoving chocolate in your face when you do any period absolutely he was like what are you doing and i like oh my god he's looking at me how i've looked at my mum but he's found out when he was like nine fine so it's not too bad i'll get it um i have a christmas present for you do you would you like it yes i'll be i was gonna get you um something else but i couldn't find it okay i was gonna get you because we talked about this quite often something about sugar puff wee but apparently you can't buy that okay so i got you this instead so you pissed in a bottle and had asparagus so i I caught you this instead and this was...

9:11We've wrapped it in everything. We've wrapped it in everything. So if you are watching on YouTube, like and subscribe. Like and subscribe in case you didn't hear Louise say that, please. Thanks. Here you go. Merry Christmas. Thank you. Yours is in a bag for life behind me. Oh, is it? Yeah. Oh, my God.

9:26Hannah:You've like really wrapped yours really well. I'd just like to mention, have you noticed the packaging kind of on brand? Okay. With the colour of... I'm going to shut up. I always feel really awkward when I give presents. So do I. I feel really awkward too. I was thinking this was something, don't worry about it. At my baby shower, my friends were like, will you stop being so awkward? Because I was going, I literally, everyone's watching. Oh, look at the wrapping paper. I don't know if you do this. My mum does this as a Christmas thing every year. We have to watch where everyone opens. We have to wait and watch.

9:57Hannah:And my mum's like, you can't open that yet. Wait, what have you got? Who is it from? What does it mean? Write it down for your thank you notes later. Do you do thank you notes? My mum did embed it in us as children. we'd have to write thank you notes to letters. But if I'm with you, I can just say thank you. Like when I got with my husband and I kept writing thank you cards and my husband's Nana was like, just say thanks. Like you've said thanks. You don't need to send me a card. Well, that's the thing. And I messed up. So I sent Christmas cards during COVID when that Christmas that was canceled.

10:30Hannah:I sent Christmas cards to everyone. Right, seal it. And without realizing it, I sent everyone a Christmas card that said, Merry Christmas really hope I can't see you next year I meant to write can and I wrote can't and I sent it to every single family member did you anyway crack on I'm going to pretend not to feel awkward okay this is very exciting oh my word this is so cute it's our journey so far oh my god this is so nice Oh, your present's so much better than mine. Oh, this is so nice. Oh, look at it. It's got everything. Oh my God, I feel a bit emotional. All the guests. Oh, this is so lovely.

11:18Thanks, Faye. You're welcome.

11:20Hannah:That is so lovely. I'm glad you like it. That was, yeah, a lot of, I was up late last night finishing it off. Okay, right, don't look at my bag for life. Okay. Okay, right, because I'm going to give you them individually. Okay, now the first present. Oh my God, there's more than one? Yeah. Oh God, this is when I feel really awkward. So it's not the same colour, but this is when Trini was on, she had an insert into her handbag. You did? I did. Oh my God, yes. So you can put that into your handbag and like organise. This is exactly what I need. But I couldn't get it in the same colour. So sorry about that.

11:55Oh my God. Absolutely love this.

11:57Hannah:Thank you. Stop it. I got you a mug. Oh my God. There you go. Oh my God. So when you're having a nice cup of tea. Oh my God, I kind of want to pour it. Oh my God, Hannah, that's brilliant. Now this next gift is wrapped. There's your next one. Is this it then? No, there's one more after this. Oh, for crying out loud, I feel really awkward. I mean, you've invested more time into my gift than I have yours. Well, not really, babe. I feel like I want you to try one. Oh my God. Some pickled eggs. Oh my God. We talked about this on the podcast. I've never had a pickled egg before. I've never had a pickled egg.

12:35So good.

12:36Hannah:I'm going to have to do it, aren't I? Do it. Yeah. Don't spill the pickle juice, though. Are you going out after this? Yeah. Okay. It's quite pungent. Just a tad. She's going to do it. It's like a bush took her trial. You said you'd never go in the jungle, though, didn't you? I'd never, ever, ever go in the jungle, ever. Oh, God. I'm getting a bit of pickle everywhere. You know what? I'm going to use this to get it out. You want to keep some of the... Oh, God. Oh, do I want to keep that? No, no. That's fine because you've eaten one out of it. I'm just going to do that. Yeah, just have a little bit.

13:05So good. Pickled eggs. So underrated. Just like when I was pregnant. Do you not like it?

13:13Hannah:It's delicious. We just talked about, you know, when you get a present and you don't like it and you have to pretend. How's that going down, Louise? Do you not like it? What's the next present? You absolutely hate it, don't you? I mean, maybe it needs a bit of salt and pepper or something. I don't really know. I'm glad you did that with my first pickled egg. Thank you. Right, the next one. And then I thought every time I get somebody a gift, I always get them a Christmas tree decoration. And this just reminds me of like a willy flap. Oh my God. Just so you can see. Oh my gosh. I got you a ball bag to put on your Christmas tree.

13:58It's absolutely hideous, but I love it.

14:03Hannah:I'm holding up a, well, testicles with a bow that you could put on a Christmas tree. Jessie's gonna love that. Real classy, that one. He's literally gonna love that. Not sure if my boys, that's brilliant. Thank you very, very much. Your daughter's gonna be like, what's that? Just a little gift for the tree. You could actually attach that to an elf. You could. I wanna see a picture of that. Christmas morning. Do you know what looks like a heart, doesn't it? The elves are really maturing. Do you reckon they're meant to be a heart upside down? It's like when Trini said about, you know, for going up to the schoolroom when you're PJs, put a brooch on.

14:38Yeah. Put it upside down. That's your brooch.

14:40Hannah:Maybe I'll put this testicle ball bag brooch. I wonder how long it would take somebody to notice if you wore that as a brooch at school. Oh, that's brilliant, babe. Thank you so much. Love it. That is absolutely superb. Good sleep is everything. That's why Oli's science back support is made with a blend of melatonin and L-theanine for both kiddos and grown-ups. So when your mind won't switch off, you've got something that can help. Erasing thoughts and restless nights won't stand a chance. Find Oli's sleep solutions for the whole family at Oli.com. That's O-L-L-Y dot com. Today we have a very special guest and he is a British acting legend.

15:23That's right. A legendary actor, a radio and TV presenter. And for us, he will always be Gavin and Stacey royalty. He's travelled the country, taken on new challenges. And he's got one of the most honest and interesting perspectives on life and fatherhood. We normally have turkey at Christmas, but this year we're having lamb.

15:41Hannah:It's Larry Lamb, everyone. Great dad joke to start that podcast. Did you like that one? Cracker. Love it. Have you had that one before? Never. What do you mean it's like a cheap cracker? How dare you? How are you doing, Larry? Lovely to see you. Yeah, lovely to see you. We're three days away from Christmas. Have you done your Christmas shopping? No, I'll do that tomorrow. I mean, I'm an absolute fanatical online shopper. I love it. It's the best thing. I never have to go to the shops. Do you get noticed a lot, like when you're out and about shopping? Like do people go, oh, that's Mick or that's Archie?

16:10It depends where you are. You know, if you're in London, you kind of blend into this mass of nobody knows who might be there from everywhere in the world. but the more sparse the population when you're traveling around, the more likely it is that you're going to get noticed. Well, I'm sure you two know people. All they're going to do is say how much they love what you do and have a selfie. That's it. That's what they want.

16:38Hannah:I do think there is something in this for men sometimes. So my husband, notoriously guy, goes on Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve. And one Christmas Eve, he went to Oxford Street bumped into my brother randomly doing the same thing and they went oh I'm fancy seeing you yeah Christmas shopping yeah what did they do they went to the pub there you go there you go shocking that's it you know there's a lot you know I don't go to the pub but I I don't know it's like my life sort of stays the same yeah whereas my girls and their mum they start planning Christmas on Boxing Day this year you know what I mean it's like the whole The whole year is really about Christmas.

17:23It is. That's what it's about.

17:24Hannah:It's a very busy time of year. And then there's all these things of what they're figuring out what they are going to get or what they want, all the way from the 29th of December this year. Have you ever played Father Christmas at all in your acting career? I think so, yeah. We have a Christmas hat here. Would you like to wear it? Would you like to wear it? I've got this scraggy old barnet just to sort of like, It's taken me three hours to fix this on this morning. We were hoping you would come dressed as Father Christmas. But what did you tell us? In your dreams. I'd rather have my eyes pierced.

17:59Hannah:I love that you're such in the Christmas spirit. So your character from Gavin and Stacey. So did you have any idea the huge reaction that was going to come off the Christmas special? No, I really didn't. And what you, the audience, don't see from our point of view was what the probably 50, 60 extras who were in there, who had all been asked to come in their wedding outfits, you know, and be part of a wedding. And of course, then they have to sign a document that says they cannot speak about this to anybody. And they all think they're going to be at the wedding that isn't the wedding. So suddenly they're not at the wedding they thought they were going to be at.

18:42and then the wedding goes wrong and I remember looking around and watching these faces I've literally got shit, I know same, same because it's real you know it's real there's no messing around with it it was absolutely fascinating

19:01Hannah:was it one take? no, no, it's too those things are too, far too big to do with one take you've got like all those faces you want to pick out You've got everybody's response to it. You've got all the main characters there. You've got to get the response from them. Because you never know. There may be amongst all those facial responses, one little golden nugget. Yeah. God, did you see what happened there? And that bang, that's what they did. And how long did it take for that scene? Like for the wedding? How long did that take? Probably, I can't remember. Probably three days. Really? Wow. Wow. Oh my gosh.

19:36Hannah:I can't remember that. I mean, at least three days. How many times did you need to do that stand-up? No, that was all, that was kind of, well, you know, the only reason they gave me that scene to do was they were frightened I was going to forget my lines. So, you know, give him a scene where he stands up and doesn't say anything. Yeah, but that was so powerful. Do you actually, on Christmas Day, do you actually watch these on TV or do you like? I mean, I certainly watched this, you know, this grand finale of Governor Stacey with my girls and their mum and then turned around and watched them and all of them just bawling their eyes out, you know.

20:11Hannah:And what's your usual Christmas day look like? What's typical for Larry Lamb? Do you eat lamb? No, no, no. They wouldn't go for that. I'm just purely there just to be there. They take control. That's it. The girls take control. Their mum, she's working, doing whatever. She's the present queen. Of course. of course the girls the girls are gradually taking over to to actually fix the lunch now you know so yeah that's it could you take a nap on the sofa after lunch i'd take a nap all day so so really what happens is you know it's all everything you do you just let's make up the numbers on christmas day yeah it's kind of it i'm there we've got to have one of them so get him in you know he'll be all right and um so yeah i just drift around do do what they want me to do when they want me to which is usually make, grill a load of sausages and put them in rolls and have sausage rolls at a certain specific time.