"Our Toddler Drunk WHAT?!" | Parenting Holiday Fails

0:00Coming up, let's get the bubble machine out. Then you've got like 21 and a half year olds running to it, like back flipping and slipping. I was sitting on the edge of a swimming pool in the south of France at a family wedding. A wasp flew down my dress and without thinking in my panic, my six month old daughter.

0:27This episode is brought to you by DeeDee's Discounts. Back to school season is officially here, and DeeDee's has everything on your list. I'm talking bold styles, cool kicks, backpacks, and even dorm room essentials. All the prices that won't hurt your wallet. So don't sleep on DeeDee's. Whether you've got a second grader or a sophomore, DeeDee's has your whole family covered. Find Aditi's discount store near you and go check it out today. Teens share everything. That may include the bacteria that can cause meningococcal disease known as meningitis. Even if your teen's been vaccinated in the past, they could still be missing meningitis vaccinations.

1:05Ask your teen's doctor or visit meningitis.com today. Sponsored by GSK. This one goes out to all my ladies. All my multitasking mamas who need energy to show up at work and at home. All my empty nest explorers who need a little gut health support for the journey ahead. AG1 is the daily health drink designed to support whole body health with over 75 essential nutrients and pre and probiotics. So you can make the most of every day and every decade. Learn more at drinkAG1.com. Okay. Hannah, can you move your mic in, please? Oh, yes. I love that's how the day is starting. That is how kind of out of it we are.

1:52Hannah wanted to start the show with her mic not in place. It was about a metre away from me. I'm like, are we ready to start? And everyone's like, well, no, because you haven't got the mic to you, girl. We need to hear you, babes. We need to hear. It's nice to see who we are again. It's nice to see. How are you coping? You okay, hon? I'm all right. Reaching out to all the mothers out there. Yeah, how are we all? How is everyone? I'm all right. Yeah? Is my eye twitching? It was, yeah. Your right eye really twitched at me then. Yes. Do you know, I actually had this vision today of us just sitting here in silence, which I know we can't do.

2:29But you know, you're just like, I just want silence. I know it defeats the object of us recording a show. It does. If we just sat there and like... I wonder if you guys would watch it if we just sat here with meditation music. Yeah. Oh. My name's Hannah. My daughter is waking up all the time because of the light bleeds in the curtain. Oh. Do you know that when they're so young that they don't care if it's night or day? They don't care if I stayed up watching Netflix in bed. They don't care. You know when you're like, next episode's pending. And because it's the summer, me and Andy look at each other and we're like, one more.

3:03And you feel really rebellious. I really like, this is amazing. Like you're staying up till like three o 'clock in the morning in a nightclub. And it's like gambling in Vegas. Are the kids going to sleep through? And then they don't. And it's always when I know the next day that I'm going to work. Yeah, of course. And I was like, it's showtime. Oh, yeah. And she's like, mummy, buy one. And I need to get her off the dummies at night. Aww. Because she loves a dummy, but she's just got buck teeth. Don't do what I did, which was get rid of the dummy whilst we were camping. Oh, my God, yeah. In a camping field.

3:33And she was screaming. All in one teeny, tiny tent. But surely you would have found a dummy somewhere. No, I knew where one was. But I deliberately was like, I'm not folding. I've done three hours of screaming. I'm not folding now. I can't do it. And did she scream the whole night? She screamed for about three hours. Right. And then everyone in the camp field site. You woke up, there's like 20 dummies around your tent. People are like, just give her a bloody dummy. People just left their dog poo around my tent. It's like, you bitch, you ruined all our sleep. This is our holiday. And actually, I don't know what I was thinking.

4:09I don't know what I was thinking. I'm on holiday. Yeah. We're camping. You need an easy life. Around other families who are also trying to enjoy their holiday. And that's when I think it's a good idea to... But I was trying to be that kind of like, well, no, you know, we've started it now. Yeah. No, stupid. Don't do that. And then what do... Because some people say to cut the ends of the dummy off. Yeah. Because then they're like, I don't want it anyway. Or did you just go cold turkey and then that was it? So what we did was because she was going through... This is when she was two. I think she was two, maybe two and a half.

4:44she would take her dummy out and she would just throw it. Yes. Yeah. She's just throwing it. Why do they do it and then want it back? Yeah but she was throwing it over balconies. Yeah. We were in this restaurant on the seafront and she kept throwing it over the balcony so my husband and I would take it in turns to keep going up and down the stairs and then we were like what are we doing? It's minging. What are we doing? Like we're not doing this anymore. This is she obviously doesn't want it anymore. This is obviously a thing. Yeah. This is what she does. That's why we were like okay next time she throws it away we're not giving it back.

5:14So she threw it away at lunch and then come bedtime hours later and we just said, well, you threw your dummy away. You threw it away. You know, it's gone. It's gone with the dummy fairies now. It's gone. Yeah. And so we kind of keep that up. So you say the dummy fairies, right? So I might start saying to Annabelle that because I've said to her, you can only have it at nighttime. Yeah. And then she has a collection of like three or four of them and she has to hold them and she rotates in between the hands when she sleeps. Oh, my God. Yeah. No. Oh, my God. I remember that. How do we add that? Yeah.

5:45And I'm having to like find all these dummies. Like I need five. So she goes to bed. And whoever invented glow in the dark dummies. Oh. I love you. And the clip on, you'd clip it onto the baby grow. Genius. Oh, the baby grows. I actually really do miss that phase actually. I do. The little when you have a newborn baby and they've got a scrunch. Oh my God. And they're like, I wish I'd have made more videos of the babies. because I would just sometimes look at them of scrunches. Not the babies themselves, just that like, when you pick them up and put them on your shoulder. So broody. So broody. I mean, I'm whinging about managing the summer with three kids.

6:24Like four would be... There's something about just having a newborn. I love it. I think it's one of my favourite stages. Apart from I feel like a fat shit when I've had a kid. Everyone wants to be around a newborn. Yeah. Everyone's like, oh my God. I mean, no one really does that around a toddler who's having a meltdown. You're like, oh my God, I'll bring Annabelle with me. They're like, please don't. No, no, no, no. The reason, she wears a night nappy. Like she's potty trained, but she has a nappy at night. And she's been dry. Like she's been amazing. But just before I potty trained her, we were going to a wedding.

7:02And Andy was like, oh, can you wash my linen suit? And I was like, yeah, no problem. Put it on like a cool wash. So, I grabbed everything from upstairs. It was like, I was overstimulated and buzzed at the ways. Grabbed everything from upstairs, but what I didn't account for, for the navy blue linen suit, the shitty nappy with Annabelle's diarrhea in it because she was eating too many grapes, and two of her urinated nappies. Oh. Yeah. Oh. Full ones. Two wee nappies. Yeah. And a diarrhoea poo nappy. I put in the machine with Andy's linen trousers and a linen shirt, navy blue. Oh, my God. And they came out like, I can't really describe it.

7:56I'm sure I must have a picture somewhere. So Andy actually went to the shop and just bought a different outfit for the wedding. Oh, no. This episode is brought to you by Didi's Discounts. Back to School season is officially here, and Dee Dee's has everything on your list. I'm talking bold styles, cool kicks, backpacks, and even dorm room essentials. All the prices that won't hurt your wallet. So don't sleep on Dee Dee's. Whether you've got a second grader or a sophomore, Dee Dee's has your whole family covered. Find a Dee Dee's discount store near you and go check it out today. Honey, what are you listening to?

8:33Mom! Your teen might not share everything with you, but teens share everything with each other. And certain everyday behaviors, like sharing food, drinks, or kisses, could mean sharing bacteria that can cause meningococcal disease known as meningitis. Although meningitis is uncommon, about 1 in 10 who develop it will die. Ask your teen's doctor about missing meningitis vaccinations. Learn more at meningitis.com. Vaccination may not protect all recipients. Sponsored by GSK. This one goes out to all my ladies, all my multitasking mamas who need energy to show up at work and at home, all my empty nest explorers who need a little gut health support for the journey ahead.

9:15AG1 is the daily health drink designed to support whole body health with over 75 essential nutrients and pre and probiotics. So you can make the most of every day and every decade. Learn more at drinkag1.com Yeah. Oh, babes. I was like, nappy in washing machine. But how did I not know it was so heavy? The actual nappy, like not like... Three nappies in the machine, Louise. And they go like massive, absorb everything. You know when you see a kid at the beach where the parents go, I tell you what, get yourself into sea. And then the kid's like waddling. And like, I've done that before. But falling backwards where they're like the weight of the seawater and the nappy absorbs.

9:58No wonder kids can't be asked to potty train. The nappies are amazing. That's a fail right there. The nappies in the washing machine. Yeah, that was just my fail. Oh, that's a great fail. I have a fail, which at the time, and I'm really hoping that other parents can relate to this, because you kind of feel like you're doing a good deed and it backfires. Oh, God. Bubbles. Pissing bubbles. awful things aren't they yeah especially when your kid's like i'll do it in the house bubbles i'm like okay but you know hold it yeah upright and they don't and so you've got like all the mixture coming out and then the bubbles thing is over within seconds and they spill it in the And they're like, I'll do it.

10:51Hold it upright. I'll help you. And they don't want your help. Mummy, do it. They don't want your help. And it gets spilled everywhere. And what could have been a lovely, nice 15, 20 minutes of seeing lovely bubbles is just a massive meltdown and just slipping over everywhere. Do you remember when you used to go to kids groups, like to a church hall, and they'd be like, let's get the bubble machine out. And they would never take any towels or anything for the floor. Then you've got like 21 and a half year olds running to it, like back flipping and slipping. And they're all going like, doosh. This is what happened.

11:31One's got their hands in the bubble machine. One's touching the laptop that's playing the music. They're all falling and spinal injuries everywhere. And you're like, what are we doing? For my sister's wedding, they got married in December and Bonnie wanted a snow machine. Oh, Christ. Inside on the dance floor. What? Now, and I did say to her, I was like, isn't it going to be slippery? She went, no, it's a non-slip soap. And I'm like, okay, I don't think they exist, but okay, sounds great. Oh, Louise. Did she actually get one? Yes. And the entire dance floor was on their arse. So that is like adult version of what I've just described.

12:08Yes, it's the adult version. You have to imagine, we're all like, you know, pissed as well. Yeah. The groom fell so hard he was concussed. No way. Yeah. He was actually concussed. I was so worried about him. I stacked it. Everyone stacked it. It was hilarious. And was it like a wooden floor? Wooden floor. An ice rink. Like it was brilliant. Like it was so much fun. But in hindsight, you're like everyone. Like I'm surprised that no one actually really hurt themselves. So that was essentially a phone party at a wedding. Yeah. Basically. It was a phone party at a wedding, yeah. Yeah. And as always, you brilliant community that we have here.

12:44Thank you for your fails. We're loving them. We've got more today. We have. Some are anonymous, some are not. I've got a name on mine. All right. Thanks for sending that in, Elizabeth. Thought I was ordering the same fruit smoothie as a couple next to us had for me and my three-year-old on holiday. Turns out we'd both been happily sipping a gin summer fruits cocktail the whole time. Not my finest parenting moment, but definitely one I'll never live down. My three-year-old was necking gin summer fruit cocktails. Oh, my gosh. Can you imagine when you realise, like, I mean, what do you do? Do you go, like, do you go to hospital?

13:25I don't know. Was the kid okay? I bet the kid was having a great time. Oh, yeah. I bet the kid slept like a booby that night. Maybe grumpy the next morning. Yeah. Got them on shoes the next day. I don't know what you would do if your kids had a cocktail without realising it. I don't know. I love that. You see that table. Well, I'll have to see where them. But the waiter that's gone. Okay. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. No problem. Like that is on them. Yeah. They should say, well, this is actually alcoholic. I feel like Elizabeth is not to blame. Yeah. She's not to blame here. Thank you so much, Catherine, for sending this in.

14:01I was sitting on the edge of a swimming pool in the south of France at a family wedding. A wasp flew down my dress and without thinking in my panic, I dropped my six month old daughter into the pool. Great parenting right there. Oh, Christ. Oh, my God. Like we want to laugh, but then don't. I know. Danger, water, hazard. Yes. Wow. Yeah, that's quite the fail. But, you know, I'm sure she's not alone there. You know, remember when Hilary Whitehall was on and she reversed into her toddler in the car? She reversed into her grandchild. Or was it her son? Whoopsie. Yeah. And she was like that, he was fine.

14:42Yeah. Well, Logan had his swimming gala before the end of term. And he got up and he was like, mummy, he's going to come first. I'm going to come second. She's going to come. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Why are we saying we're coming second? Second is the first loser. So I was like, okay. And I was like, Logan, that's not the attitude. So I was giving him teaching points and stuff before he went in. And he got in that pool, two wits, Louise, and he won. Did he? Oh, my babe won. But while he was doing it, I was like, go on, Logan, go on. But you know, like really aggressive where parents turn and look at you.

15:18And then at the end, he was like, I won, I won. And then he's like, I'm going to do a mushroom. And I was like, no, don't do a mushroom because, you know, the next race was getting ready to go in. So the teacher had to get the stick and like prod him. Oh, God. Because he was trying to show me him doing a mushroom, but like every parent in the year was sat on one side of the pool and Logan's pretending to be a dead mushroom. I mean, you know what I mean? A dead mushroom. It's a game we play. And I was like, for Christ's sake, Logan, get out. Oh, but he did win. He did win. So he could be that dead mushroom.

15:48Didn't maximize the duration of his dead mushroom because... And was it boiling in the swimming pool? It was 33 degrees outside and the pool was like a greenhouse. It was horrendous. Dr Erica Walters on Instagram thank you for sending your fail in it's a good one so basically she got stuck travelling and didn't make it back before the school had started all local backpacks were sold out and I forgot to buy them and his school supplies and send my kid to his very first day at primary school so basically she had to send him with a garbage bag of shitty pencils and scrap paper we all do it we all leave it to the last minute shoes, bags you go to the supermarket and think there'll be loads in here nothing like you know when like schools basically break up yeah and then the next day in supermarkets it says back to school and you're like it's not back to school we've got two months oh give us the sum I will yeah like come on like I'm not doing that right now and then it is back to school you're like oh everything's run out and maybe this should be our everybody's reminder now yeah go and get your school things now school shoes yes uniform pencil cases dig out the list water bottles you know you're gonna need so many water bottles It was crikey.

16:59Right, this one just says it's from Instagram. Gave my child sugar-free licorice. Didn't realise he ate the whole bag. Oh. It's a laxative. It is. I didn't know that. Get the tummy tits. I didn't know that. Yeah. Oh dear. After having all my kids, I always used to take some licorice with me. Really? Yeah. See, I hate licorice. Do you? I've never been a fan. Love a bit of licorice. What, just so you can poo? No, just like it. Yeah, I love when you get licorice all sorts, you get the little Bertie Bassie in. Not for me. I was in a supermarket and the guy serving me said the other week, if you know what this is called in a bag of licorice all sorts, I'll give you your bag for life for free.

17:42Wow. And I was like, oh, babes, it's Bertie Bassie, innit? It's like, sorry, that was a terrible, terrible story, but I was delighted. It was amazing. That's about as exciting as my summer holidays have been, Louise. I came out the shop and I was like, what? And then I phoned Andy to tell him and Andy was like that. Are you okay, babe? I was like, yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. We're all fine. I'm fine. My kids have gone through the snack cupboard. Oh, the snacks. I don't want to hear the word snack anymore. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to. I don't want to. I'm hungry. What do you do just before when you're cooking dinner and you're like, there's two minutes, two minutes, going to be ready in two minutes.

18:23and they're like my middle child is like i'm so hungry i'm so hungry i'm hungry i'm like have a piece of fruit i don't want that i need and then he goes towards the biscuits i'm like i'm literally yeah i'm dishing up here yeah it drives me faces and fish fingers it doesn't matter it's a meal it drives me mad the other is they don't eat the food at dinner or they like pick at it and have some and they're like i'm full i'm full okay fine and then 15 minutes later yeah mommy I'm hungry We've had the in-laws round and they love to give my children magnum ice creams at quarter to five and dinners at five So last night Logan came downstairs at ten to ten I'd put him to bed I'd put Annabelle to bed I'd put Logan to bed and I was just getting my ten year old to bed and I was like do you know what I am so done right now I'm like done and Bradley was like are you okay mummy I was like do you know what Bradley I'm overstimulated and I'm tired like I am tired now I've been up since four and then Logan popped his head out he's like mummy and I was like yes Logan and he was like can I have a snack please because his teeth haven't come through yet can I have a snack please and I was like of course you can Logan what do you want he's like just some cheese on toast please and I was like not a problem do you want anything else can I get you anything else and he was like oh some cherry tomatoes as well please and some lettuce and he was going through this list and I was like okay and then I got the notes section on my phone and I was writing all these things that he wanted and I was like do you know what went downstairs got him a snack didn't go to bed till about half ten I really love that he's having lettuce yeah he loves it does he?

20:08that's brilliant and he eats a pepper like an apple oh that's good yeah my other two kids don't do that they have like smiley faces and beige food all the time yes but Logan is my example of what it's like to have a child eats yeah I've got one example of actually all sorts of different things. There's one that eats well, one that sleeps well and one that's just good at sport. Yeah. You're like, this is great. Yeah, we've just got an eclectic mix. I'm going to show what child off I need to in certain situations. Yeah, certain environments. It's like, Logan, go and get a pepper out the fridge and eat it.

20:38Oh God, he loves his fruit and veg. Loves it. Bradley, go on the golf course. Tell them what you did. Don't tell them what you ate. Tell them what you did. Yeah, exactly. And then Annabelle stops scribbling on the wall with a Sharpie. Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah. Arts and crafts have now closed in our household. Yeah. They are. Everything's shut. Just watch YouTube. Yeah, we're done now. Done. Oh, speaking of which, here's one. This is from, well, it's all one word. I'm guessing it's Margs Lynch. Margs Lynch is her Instagram name. My daughter did a drawing for a competition and hounded me to post it or email it.

21:15I missed the deadline. So I burned all the evidence. That is such a mum thing to do. Oh my God, I love that. That's something that I would probably do. Burn the evidence because the amount of times I have thrown away artwork and they find it. Well, you had to get in a skip. Yeah, I did. And get stuff out. Actual skip rap. But they will find it. Yeah. Like, mummy, I want this. I drew this for you. Like, it's... How do you turn around and say, do you know what? It's shit. Like, oh my God, when you pick them up and go, wow what is it yeah I love it so much oh my god I've done that classic thing though of um I've got a filing cabinet in my office and I've have kept I keep certain things you do that and I but for my first firstborn I've kept so much all the school reports birthday cards everything he's ever drawn like I've kept everything middle child some bits third child not much are they even at school I don't know yeah who knows got report nil attendance oh it's so true about the third kid isn't it yes do you think my mum said because my mum had three and she said that she's always said that the third is the most relaxed and chilled not in my case yeah most hard work would you say?

22:41Oh, hands down. And is that because she's got two older brothers maybe. I feel like Annabelle, I know she's only young but I feel like the boys, if she says I want to watch Paw Patrol and they're like that, do you? Cool. Well we're not watching it. And then they'll just put whatever they want on the TV. Well yeah, there is that. So she's never quite heard. She has to fight. And she's quite vocal. And that's the feedback from nursery. Is Annabelle quite vocal? don't silence these women you can't suppress it but she when she's upstairs and it's like like shouting i'm like why is she so loud but she has to be heard because otherwise they won't listen she's running around the house with a nappy on like yeah it's same they need to be heard and females females she's a leo she's very fiery um but and maybe like just needing more attention yeah I don't know oh kids but like yesterday at the dinner table like table manners are my thing yeah like I need the kids to have good table manners like I'm really like into it and uh yesterday we're having dinner around the table and then Inca just gets up and leaves I'm like no no no no yeah and she knows that she knows not to do that and I just say you know come back and sit down you know no so what do you do in that scenario well I'm not going to give up yeah so I'm like can you just please sit down we're still we're all still eating yeah no and then she's like you can see this from the castle having a meltdown and they're like please don't because the neighbors are gonna hear and then I need to like get everyone inside and close the door and it's hot and I don't want to do that and it was just like why like and I'm like I know that she she knows the rules yeah it's like she's just testing me I would love to know if you can comment below the whole table getting down from the table is this is exactly where I'm at with where you're like sorry did you ask to get down from the table?

24:40No. And then you find yourself turning into like doing the excuse me and then you're like I just want to sit and eat my dinner is like is there any pudding for me? And my mum always used to say to my brother there's chalk cases in the freezer and that'd be like a Tesco value chalk ice it would be like you know back in the day with the white and blue stripes on them. Oh yes! Yeah. Oh they were good ones. That was our dessert. Are they still around? I don't think so. Oh they were good. But that would be our dessert. Yeah. But my parents, I'd always sit at the table. I would never dare to get down.

25:11Whereas my kids are just like, as if they look at me and they're like yeah cool, whatever. My oldest is doing this thing where whenever he's finished he's very good but then he just does this thing. He's just like and he just like stands up and does this really awkward, just stands around the table and I'm like sit down we're not finished get your ass down he's like a lurker stander fun times you can tell that we're at the towards the end of the summer holidays we are just like just yeah i'm ready to get back to school now we have to go home today yeah we do so anyway if you've taken anything away from the show today get your uniform ready yes be organized and then have it just bagged up ready and then you don't have the stress the labels label oh i just use a sharpie pen yeah the stickers people pick them off they pick it off my daughter picked off her own stickers oh did you yes like so now I just write it on the t-shirt at the back right on that note let's get out of here we need to get back to our kids and the chaos I don't want to I want to stay here I know she'll go via the pub yeah for two days see you next time guys like and subscribe bye

26:24This episode is brought to you by DeeDee's Discounts. Back to school season is officially here and DeeDee's has everything on your list. I'm talking bold styles, cool kicks, backpacks, and even dorm room essentials. All the prices that won't hurt your wallet. So don't sleep on DeeDee's. Whether you've got a second grader or a sophomore, DeeDee's has your whole family covered. Find a DeeDee's discount store near you and go check it out today.