Ronni Ancona: "Overwhelming" Motherhood, Surviving 2000s Comedy & Late ADHD Diagnosis

0:00Coming up, please welcome Ronni Ancona. Let's talk about EastEnders. You've like impersonated Peggy Mitchell. Exactly, yes. Oh my gosh. What are you talking about? What was it like being an actress with young children? I mean, there's a chaos involved in young kids. There certainly is. Never said this before, but I had a really difficult time in pregnancy. It's overwhelming being a mum, a new mum anyway, isn't it? Absolutely. I mean, it's absolutely overwhelming. I think everybody tends to go, teenage daughters. But I actually found the difficult time was when the hormones started kicking in. Absolutely.

0:46Now, before we get into today's episode, let's have a little chat about National Thank Teacher Day, this year supported by Tesco. It's all about celebrating those teachers and support staff who do way more than just teach. The ones helping kids grow in confidence, settle into routines and somehow locate Oscar's missing jumper. Tesco recognises the important role teachers and support staff play. So when you thank a teacher, their school could benefit from Tesco's free fruit and veg for schools programme and also be in with the chance of winning£1 ,000 Tesco fruit and veg grant. And we'll be asking today's guest all about the teacher who inspired them, along with all the usual parenting chaos.

1:24Enjoy the episode and remember to get those thank yous in before National Thank a Teacher Day on the 17th of June. Head over to our Instagram where you'll find a link to the website. Yo, yo, yo. Yo, yo. Good morning. What's happening? I love how we're like, yo, yo, yo. We're both dressed like we're out of the 60s, aren't we? I know. I love how we're kind of matchy-matchy today. Who knew? I feel like we're probably on the same wavelength by now. I feel like we are. Like, I feel like if I had periods, we would both have them. Do you not have them anymore? No, because I've got the coil. You've got the coil.

1:54Yeah, but I still have periods. Constantly. My life's just one big period. Which is great for the sex life. I wonder if you should get that checked. Yeah, I think I maybe should. Anyway, sorry. Welcome to the show, guys. You know, welcome to the show. We like to bleed. Yeah. But we do look lovely. We do. I feel like we're ready for like Ascot or something. Yeah. How's your week been? Fine. Yeah. It's funny. I was thinking last night, before I come on the show, I'm always like, okay, so I need a fail. Do I have one? Yes, of course. Yeah. It's amazing, isn't it? How many fails we have. Constantly.

2:29Is it because we're aware of them more and like we need to talk about them because we always seem to have them? And then I think to myself like, oh, is that a fail? Because that's how I parent. I'm kind of like losing that line between, I don't know, the amount of people I've spoken to that have more than one kid. Yeah. that get it where you have your first child and you have high standards second child you're like right I can hang on to a bit of the standards here and you do sort of get through that way you can still be the same person that you were before still make sure they don't look snotty and third kid I'm like you know I saw a dad at the school yesterday and his child picked up there was like some sort of mushy thing on the floor as they were walking he was like don't pick it up dirty don't touch it dirty and the kid the second child was sort of like oh and pulled away and I looked at my mum friend that has three kids two boys and a girl like we do and I was like if that was Annabelle I'd just be like dinner yeah eat it if you want like there's your snack you want something to eat go pick it up and I never would have thought I would be that person but yeah standards just considerably lower so much more to do Bradley and Logan now have so much more freedom because I am so engrossed in you know when you like stop at the the road check is it safe to cross like all that sort of stuff you kind of forget about those phases don't you well this is kind of where my fail comes in I suppose and this fail this week is about my eldest yeah um who's 14 but because he is that bit older I feel like our mine and Jesse's guards have been a bit more like relaxed but yesterday um i i was exhausted and i i said to jesse after we put the two other ones to bed i said i'm gonna have a bath uh it's about nine o 'clock i'm gonna have a bath and uh just put basil to bed and he was like yeah sure so i'm in the bath and when i have a bath i am in there for like an hour and a half love that candles wine bubbles like it's like my Are you a bath bomb kind of girl?

4:35Oh, like all of it. All of it. All of it. Bring it on. Yeah. And people know when I'm in the bath, just you don't bother her. Like that's, that's my, my self-care time. Always has been. Until somebody needs a poo. And then it got to about, it got to about 11 PM and I had my bedroom door open and I just thought it was Jesse coming in, you know, going to bed and it's Basil and he's, and He comes in my bathroom and I'm naked and he's a bit like, oh, and he's just like, are you going to put me to bed or? Like, what's going on? And I was like, oh, my God. It's like, did dad not put you to bed? He was like, no, sleep on the sofa.

5:16It's like, great. So you've just been upstairs in your room, like playing on his computer, just waiting for his parents put him to bed. And we basically forgot to put him to bed. You forgot about your child. It's like home alone all over again. Yeah, we forgot to put him to bed. Poor lad. And then I had to say to him, you know how you quickly have to kind of put your parenting hat on and turn it into a positive? I was like, Basil, we didn't forget about you. We just trust you. You know, you're capable now. And I was like that. As you're f***ing faced in the bathroom. Yeah, as my boobs are floating in the bathtub.

5:50And then he was just like, okay, thanks, mum. So that was my fail. I basically forgot to put my child to bed. Oh. Yeah. But he's never going to not be your baby though, is he? I know, I know. But I've got a little rant today. Go! Can I give you a little rant? Look, we're all here for the rants and the vent. We're here for this, ready to vent. So in a nutshell, me and my husband have been refurbing our house for nearly two years. Crikey. I know. And we've been renting another house for 18 months. It's been quite difficult. We're nearly there. We're moving in in a few weeks' time. Amazing. Congratulations.

6:21You know yourself, refurb in a house. It's chaos, isn't it? Yes. And my husband is quite able to be flexible with his job during the day. Obviously, when I'm here, I can't just pop to the house because we're in London. Of course, yeah. And have three kids. And I'm not going to take three kids during the day to a building site. Why not? So, yeah, why? Logan, just put the hammer down. Annabelle, don't pick up that drill. Not the electric one. So I take them when the tradesmen have gone. Yeah. Then I pop to the house on an evening to measure stuff up and check everything. And I got to the house yesterday.

6:54Right. and they've got quite a big building team there and one of the builders looked at me and he goes and I've been there every night for the last well seven every night I go there to check when they've all gone and um you know to turn lights off and lock doors because people just aren't capable of that now I'm not hating on men here but I feel like a lot of women will resonate with what I'm going to say that it's exactly so yeah this this guy said to me he turned around and he goes oh nice to see you at the house and I was like sorry and he was like nice to see you at the house Andy's been at the house every day I mean Andy's there like three times a day he's popping to the office going back and he said Andy's been here every day and Andy was here um the other week he had one kid right here and two kids hanging off him and I thought to myself first and foremost I didn't like his tone I don't like his tone and secondly the kids haven't been there when it's a building site but what I took really personally from that is if my husband went to a baby group baby sensory nobody would turn to him and say oh nice of you to turn up to a baby group last week your wife was here with three kids but it was very much like I in a modern day that moment for me was like hold on a second there it shouldn't be an expectation like that shouldn't be a thing and Did you say I'm in London?

8:22I wanted to turn around and say, I am working so hard to pay for this house to be refurbished. I have three children, numerous jobs and juggling packing a house with kids, trying to be a good mum. And I thought that is such a stereotypical approach of gender roles. And I found it really touched a nerve with me. I mean, I feel angry just listening to that because you're so right. if it was the other way around, even just being at the school gates. Yeah. You know, like, oh, nice of you to be here. Yeah. Your wife's here every day. I mean, it is, it is. What did you say to him? So I actually didn't say anything because in that moment, I thought.

9:06It picked up a hammer. This isn't, yeah. I just plugged the drill in and I says, come for a cuddle. I just thought to myself, he was frustrated about something else with a house. And I thought, don't take it personally, because I'm very secure in the fact that me and Andy are 50-50 with everything. But what I can't stand is, if Andy does, like today, he's done the school drop-off and the nursery drop-off, he shouldn't get an applause for it, because he's the dad. when I first had Bradley when I first had Logan I did everything and it was always me I was at school drop-offs pickups and and the responsibility was always on me but it's like actually my career has taken a different turn going on tour I've had to like loosen the reins a little bit and not be uptight because I can't do all the school drop-offs and pickups um and I thought don't take that personally because actually if we had everyone from no parental guidance or the women that listen to this they would be going good for you for the fact that you're doing something for you that you enjoy and not like being a stereotypical gender role and no one gives me an applause when I do the school drop off so why should why should dads get it I don't know you know it's a hard relay I'm sure there are people watching the show who can relate to that I can relate to this I'm sure there are people watching the show that hope to be able to at some point release those reins and have a bit more time to themselves to maybe get themselves back into work which is what we've done but i do wonder i do wonder hannah zoe east if they had the show louise would they run back we could and one day we will hannah east go to the pub this episode is brought to you by google

10:49Ronni Ancona:chrome you think you know a browser but gemini and chrome that's new it can help you with practically anything on the web like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50 page restoration block or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks gemini and chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responses set up required. Compatibility and availability varies 18+. Up. After this show. Yeah, we will. But we don't. One day. Because we are still like, we need to get back. We need to do school pickup. And we need to do the homework and then send them to gymnastics lessons or whatever they have after school.

11:25What's for dinner? Oh, we need to do laundry. Oh, you know, like, it never ends. I've got an awful fail, Louise, as well. Okay, go. I was sleep deprived when I had Logan and you know you go to cafes in like like forestry areas and stuff where you can take dogs to um and I saw this little like cupcake and it had a little dog on it I was like oh my god that's so cute and Bradley was like I want one so I was like a bit overstimulated and I remember I was breastfeeding Logan so I was like right well you can have a cupcake but you have to sit and eat it so I gave Bradley a dog cupcake and he was like eating it and then I looked over and I saw this Labrador eating the same cake as Bradley and I was like, oh my God, I've given my son a dog cake.

12:09And he was so happy. And then he just started barking on the way home. I was like, oh, I was like, f*** me. I went back to the counter, I was like, oh, f***, are they for dogs? And he's just like, yeah, we do dog biscuits. We have a whole dog range. And I was like, well, why don't you put it next to the caramel slices?

12:34Joining us on the sofa today is an actress, comedian, impressionist and podcaster. And she's amazing. You'll know her from Alistair McGowan's Big Impression, where her legendary takes on everyone from Victoria Beckham to Nigella Lawson earned her a BAFTA and cemented her place in comedy history. And now she's back playing one of EastEnders compelling new characters. Please welcome Ronnie Acona. we are delighted to have you here we were messaging each other on the train this morning going yeah no we were like we can't wait for this one i want to cry that's so lovely you are so iconic yes like you don't you don't realize like i have i've been obsessed with you since i've been younger and like when you came in everyone was like oh my god she's here when i came in i should point out when i literally came in like something the cats dragged and go hi with my with my coat flung on the thing.

13:29No, but you need to tell us a story. Yeah, you need to tell the story of why. Tell us what happened last night. It was, yes. Okay. Okay, girls. Right. Let's start with this one. So I am obviously, you know, 102. And I basically, so I'm hanging on, my youngest is in sixth form. Right. My youngest in sixth form. But obviously I tell everybody she's in first year to make me so young and virile but I'm in sixth form but I still do I went out on the mother of all school mothers nights out last night amen I mean this sounds like it involved alcohol dancing on tables I I well the previous year that we'd gone out just to give you some context of that the previous year that we'd gone out uh one of the mothers got so legless and there was me literally having to sort of take her home that since that episode she's now on the wagon she hasn't drank since really oh my gosh oh yeah well pretty much i think she went on for a but it was it was a quite hardcore this year this year uh look we did we had a fantastic time we went dancing at a club uh one of the gorgeous mothers very beautiful um it literally uh lost some of her tooth.

14:51I had no eye again was there, the last one there, standing to get her home. She did not want to come home under any circumstance. I think it took several people. She doesn't remember not wanting to go home. Oh, gosh. Today she said, hi, how are you? That was great, wasn't it? Is your WhatsApp chat pinging a lot? My liver now has just literally, it's phoned organ line. I mean, you've got a tea and a coffee. I've got an irresponsible host body. I want to be adopted or fostered. Can you see to it? I'm not feeling very proud of myself and not feeling very professional. Well, you look very glowing and awake.

15:30That's because your lovely lady got some hot brush and wished me over and sprayed some gloves on me. You do look very fresh. You've got good energy. Yeah, you have. I'm relying on the energy. Anyway, it was great fun and it's quite nice. I think the girls, there's a group of girls and the mothers are very close. And I think the girls are sort of like that we go out together, but yet don't. Do you know what I mean? I think there's a bit of kind of like, oh, like you're going out, right? Like you're old and you're going to enjoy yourself. You're not old. You're literally not old. But we, so, yes.

16:12How old are your daughters? I've got one daughter who's 21 and one who's 18 who's going through A-level hell. Oh, gosh. What's that like? I'm walking on eggshells. Really? At all times. Hence needing a big night out. I'm just literally, I love her dress. Of course I do, beyond life itself. But it's, you know, and it's interesting. But I've got two girls. Yeah. Both came out of the womb with turbans and cigarette holders. I sort of gave birth to Lana Turner and Bette Davis. And they're both like, mommy, we have to talk. Please, this baby grow doesn't go with my mittens. What? I thought it would kick in.

16:56I thought I knew girls. I thought it would kick in later when they were older. But I love them so much. But they're very different. Are they? And do they get on with each other? They do get on incredibly well, actually, because the lovely thing is, is that they've got a shared sense of humor, which is fantastic. But it is interesting, isn't it? That the sort of the same genetic. Yeah. Did they ever go through? Maybe it isn't the same genetic. I can't remember. She was smashed on that night as well. No, it's terrible. I don't normally drink, viewers. I mean, not every hour. hour anyway um but one of them is um one of them is you know well that will come on to that do your do your kids do impressions as well um no no they're horrified what they do is they do actually my youngest does an impression of me doing impressions of other people oh wow which is not incredibly complimentary.

18:00Can we hear it? Well, she does me, she goes, I can do you doing Olivia Colman. Oh, brilliant. So then, I like to think my Olivia Colman is better. So do remember that if anybody's listening in and go, well, that's rubbish. This is my daughter's impression. Let's do your daughter's impression and then let's do your impression. And she does it like that. Like that. You know, I do it like that. That's her impression. Of course, you know, Olivia Colman is a little bit more like that a little bit more subtle and he ever says things in five words last word very quick oh my god yes you should have her on or maybe you have no we haven't I need some water I don't think we need to now we've had Olivia on thank you very much I um she does sort of and she's very good at she's sort of good at voices um which you know is not a source of huge pride really I I mean, it's a very useless skill.

18:53Oh, I think I wish that I could. I wish that I could do impressions. Hannah can. But Hannah, can you do impressions? Yeah. Okay. I'm settling in now. I feel like I've got my own private show here. No, no. Well, I've done a couple of sketches with Alistair McGowan before. Some impression sketches. Have you? Yes, I have. When did you do that? I speak to him every day. He didn't tell me that. I obviously wasn't that relevant. Like during lockdown, we did some impersonation sketches together. I remember logging in being like, because I remember you both back in the day. And I was like, oh, my God, this is crazy.

19:30Oh, my God. Where did it go out? He's such a Luddite. He can't even switch his phone on. I'm so impressed. Can you do some impressions for us? Who's your favorite? Or should we guess? Oh, gosh. Who do you like doing the most? Well, the thing is, is I've actually, it sounds awful. I sort of really did, was doing obviously impressions a lot. And, you know, I was sort of going out with Alistair before the show started. And then the show started and we split up just before the show started. Oh, God. How was that? There was a free song. Oh, God, was it Orcs? Which I think looking back in retrospect, I think was probably gave it a certain energy.

20:16Because you were together for years, weren't you? I remember, yes. I mean, literally, we had a row once doing, oh, terrible row. I was doing Joe Wiley and he was doing John Peel on the set of Glastonbury. And he literally, someone from the BBC came down and pulled us apart. It was because we'd really disagree on material. So Alistair was very, and he's still like one of my dearest friends. And Alistair is very pedantic and he's very sort of, I'm not going to say anal, that's not fair, but he's very pedantic. He's quite pun based. It's very exact. And I'm very surreal in my humor. So when it worked, it was quite, I'm too far that way, left field, and he can be too far that way, literal.

21:09literal and so when it worked it we sort of we sort of it was an amalgamation we sort of came together and that was quite magical that was quite an interesting sort of dynamic and of course you know we were playing so it was usually about material but there was a frisson you know because we'd had a a huge you know and how did you continue then so you had this the way you separated yes but then you continued to work together yes am i right in saying that it was just his name for the first series of the first two series on the rage there must have been and then the well you know it was quite a sexist time yeah you know it was very very it was very different yeah i was um and did you feel aware of that as well that it was very sexist and it was his name on it when actually you were so heavily involved yeah I think that it was yeah I mean I think in in in the context of the time it was always just different but there was this thing in the writer's room you know you would sort of and it wasn't Alistair's fault per se but you know there would be sort of you suddenly go where's my where's my sketch that I put in and then someone I remember you know I'd come up with the idea for the royal family um you know which was the kind of to reverse it back so that you know Carolina Hearn is just like the Camilla and she's dressed as you know and she's going oh it's like the queen of Norway so I'd come up with this idea and I thought it was really good and then I sort of a male writer and oh such a bad idea and then I walked in as I as I I heard him, when it got on, I heard him sort of passing it off as his, you know.

22:56That happened a lot, I think, predominantly, you know, in writer's rooms in the early 2000s. For sure. But it wouldn't happen now. For sure. No, I think it's just a totally, thank God, totally different world. Yeah. But I remember, you know, I remember back then, there's only kind of four women. There were about four of us on the circuit. Yeah. I remember coming vaguely high up on a pole for vaguely, vaguely attractive, if they brush their hair, looking comics. And Joe Brand saying, I don't know why you're getting so excited, Ronnie. Look at the competition. And, you know, because I'd got on this list because there was only four.

23:39There was very few. This is brilliant. It's like, thank God it's changed. Like still working progress. I mean, it's, you know, you go to a comedy night and you're like, oh, there's a female on the bill. Wow. OK. It was very different, I think, because when you stood up as a female in the clubs, then, you know, you I think people subconsciously were trying to categorize you. You know, where are you? What are you doing here? If you didn't conform to one of their categories, do you know what I mean? Absolutely. Then they wouldn't quite know how to react. But a bloke getting up was a neutral facade.

24:16Yeah. And they could like build on that. I remember one gig, I had such a bad death. I ran out. Did you? I ran out, just ran out. And I got on a bus, just a bus. I don't know where it was going. Why was it so bad? It was so humiliating because this, you know, big football crowd were in. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. And the MC was whipping them up and doing a whole load about us. And then I come out going, you know, surreal jokes and doing Marilyn Monroe and Jean Hart. I mean, can you imagine if somebody shouted out anything at me? Yeah. You know, I would just like stand like a rabbit in headlights.

24:56And now you're a soap star. Well, let's talk about EastEnders. Well, I have. I mean, over the years, I don't know why, because clearly I'm adorable. as I hope you've picked up. But I only ever play mentally disturbed, alcoholic, keenously evil, fan fatale, never played a wife. My great friend Sally Phillips, she gets cast as lovely wives and that's me. Never. Really? No. Why is that then? Never, never. And, you know, I was always like the Countess Kronstein with Steve Coogan and all these sort of things. Last Tango in Halifax, I played a drunk for 10 years. I think I had one scene sober. I seem to have a propensity to doing these characters.

25:44And they were very sweet. They actually contacted me and sort of said, we've got this really annoying, really annoying, deranged, you know, just like dodging it. And it's got your name on it, Ronnie. I mean, it has to be. So that was really, really, I was very flattered, I think. Especially being in EastEnders when you've like impersonated Peggy Mitchell. Exactly. Oh my gosh. How weird is that? Well, the wonderful head of EastEnders, Ben Wheddy, is amazing. He wanted to bring a bit more comedy into it, comedy, tragedy. We all wanted to do something with this sort of character who's really quite pathetic and sad and wants to be in the center of things desperately and really just wants to be loved.

26:35but just tries too hard. And what happens when they push too hard? They become dangerous when they're rejected, you know. And boy, girls, does she, in a couple of weeks' time, she spirals. I can't give her any details. Oh, my God. But I know the beginning and the middle and the end. Let's put it this way. It's quite something. What do your kids think about you being on EastEnders? Again, again, they haven't watched it. Oh, are you? What? They haven't watched? But what is really weird and really meta is, of course, we used to impersonate all the EastEnders. I know. And it used to be me on my knees, because I am tall.

27:14I would just shuffle around behind the bar as Peggy Mitchell. I love that. As lovely Peggy. Yeah. And every year, every sort of week, Alice and I would do intellectual EastEnders. So we'd have Peggy rowing about Dostoevsky. Oh, I love that. You know, well, I'm sorry. It was essentially a bourgeois elatist. You know. We'll have a word with yourself. I mean, all sorts of stuff. I love it. And we'd also do the kind of, go, get out of it, get out of my pub. And I knew darling Barbara. You know, she was absolutely adorable. But we used to do a bit like the Truman Show sketches. Do you know what I mean?

27:54Where, you know, they'd think that they were in the show forever. And someone would come in and say, oh, you know, there's another channel called ITV. and it's like, what are you talking about? And who are those, you know, why are those people always around us whispering? They're the whisperers, you know, they've never liked us and they never will. They just stand in the corner. So we were deconstructing it all. I love it. But from a very fond place. Let's go back to your parenting early, early years. How did you, well, first of all, how, what was it like being an actress, being a comedy actress with young children do they give you any inspiration or they never laughed at my jokes I take them off the boob and I go have you heard the one about I mean you know I was very unresponsive of them you know and I listen to you a lot I mean there's a chaos involved in young kids isn't that I mean just um just extraordinary and I've never said this before but I had a really difficult time in pregnancy because I had very difficult birth the first birth for various different reasons and then I'd lost a baby I lost a second baby so that was it and then I had um my um lovely little girl and another little girl and I got septicemia out of that so but um I was not blessed with um children that like to sleep much i think at the time when i had uh when i had um babies i you know gina ford was very yes during that time yes and there was and i did have friends who were doing the blackout curtains you know it was like a wartime procedure i haven't had that name in ages and stick the baby in a back well of course me old you know hippie mother sort of virtually no I can't I can't put them down my darling you know all doing everything sort of you know as it makes sense and then of course literally a rod for my own back if you know what I mean yeah oh you're not the only one you're not the only one I did the same thing but also am I right in saying and I could be wrong but Gina Ford she didn't have her own children no so she's giving advice exactly without actually really going through it i find that really bizarre yes um when people say about the like sleep training and then they go we'll just leave the baby to cry and it's like well a i'm going to be lactating because i can hear the baby crying so i'm gonna be like a pressure washer and then they i don't want to leave my baby and your hormones are going everywhere i don't i don't want to do like there's an element of it yeah like rocking the caught when they're like grizzly but not when it's like we'll just put them down and walk out leave no i can't do that goes against my instincts everyone's personal preference i tried doing gina ford and for some people it worked it did i tried and it did not work at all my eldest didn't sleep through tea he was about three and a half and again thought i was failing at everything and then when i found out that um gina ford actually hasn't experienced it in real time with her own children I was like oh sod this then you know 100 I'll just do it my way and you know it my darling youngest she didn't go to sleep really until she was 12 I think 13 and did you co-sleep with the kids or yes I was did I think I did I did everything in the you know wrong way But I was crazy.

31:39I was crazy obsessed. I did actually train initially as an artist. I went to St. Martin Central. And so I was slightly obsessed with doing things like fairy letters. But I wouldn't just do fairy letters. They'd leave a letter down somewhere. And then I would kind of write and design a very officious bureaucratic letter back to them. Wow. Like a council. fairy cancer it's come to our attention that you have left this um letter next to the field divide you know and then I'd start this whole correspondence and they come back like mum look mummy look they don't like each oh they don't like each other then I'd send another one back on leaves and bake them I know I'm coming across like a total crazy one do you think this was like the start of like your ADHD journey like finding out because you got diagnosed later in life yes how did you how did you get diagnosed I have a very mixed feeling about it all with it so um my um doctor husband basically who's quite old school and you know has a has a feeling that you we've got to be careful of over diagnosing things because I do think that you know we tend to be a bit we vacillate in this country don't we we go to one extreme to the other either people are not being looked after or not being diagnosed with a lot of problems and then everybody goes oh and then suddenly i just think we've got to be careful that basic human emotions and do you know what i mean yes because you find a frozen chicken breast in your handbags ladies and your door keys in the freezer section doesn't mean to say you're neurodiverse have you done that no comment next question anyway no question I don't think some quite that bad but almost but I think we've got to be a bit careful as well because there's so much diagnosis going on that it's also you know people are disorganized sometimes and they do have you know a lot going on and and sometimes I think that anyway you know there's a balance but what happened to me was my um husband went on a medical conference and he was there was a there was a psychiatrist there was a couple of people speaking about ADHD and he's all a little bit you know oh no every you know and he rang out and went yes I think I know now to me and then I think I had a bit of an intervention by a couple of other comics who very sweetly said, Bonnie, have you thought about just going to, you know, like, what are you talking about?

34:29No, of course not. So I do go and see someone. And when I went to the, you know, very good doctor, the secretary there said, no, if you think you're just going to come in and get a diagnosis like everybody wants these days, you're going to think again, because He doesn't just hand them out, you know. And, of course, the secretary said it's kind of strange because when she started, when you said to people, when patients came out and said, there's nothing wrong with me, they'd be delighted. Now when people come out and they say, oh, there's nothing wrong with me, they're quite disappointed, you know.

35:06And I came out with one of his... A diagnosis. And when you got the diagnosis, was there a bit of like a, oh, OK, that explains a lot then. You know what, I think I felt quite sad in a way because I look back at all that massive people pleasing and masking and desperately and slightly imploding and being very self-destructive in a way, which I think had a, you know, had a sort of very detrimental effect on my career for sure. Really? Yes, I do. I do. I look back. Well, I think that, you know, I think the nerves, you know, all comics have got different styles of humor. And then when the panel show culture came in, it's, you know, they're very funny and, you know, I was delighted to do a lot of QI in the early days.

36:10But it all became quite a type, you know, a one-liner here, there. It's quite a sort of male type of humour. I had a quite sort of just a different sense. And I think I couldn't, I don't know. I think it just had a, I just think I look back at certain things in my career. And I think that I definitely did not handle that well. I didn't do it right. I sort of, you know, it was self-destructive. And I look back and I think, oh, yes. And are there elements of that that you look back on as being a mum? in the early days of having young children yes and what would they be what are those things a hundred percent a hundred percent I do I think that you know I it's overwhelming being a mum a new mum anyway isn't it I mean it's absolutely overwhelming and that sense of organization and timing and having to focus I was breastfeeding you know and and I know everybody's a cliche but trying to get a wash in oh god do you know what i mean while you're going you know and and and so i think when you've got adhd and you're like here there and you know but all i can say it's a miracle i didn't leave a baby on a car bonnet i didn't leave one in a shop we have all in all but definitely you know the panic of you know because you just want to care for this little things so much and the panic of oh no I've left that there and you know you're suddenly you've got your own idea but you're living with you know as soon as somebody else is responsible yeah and did you find parenting overwhelming for those reasons yes um what what did you find hardest about parenting in the early stages I did I really really did and I think it was I think as well you I think this is something that's I mean I literally I mean I think my childhood when I was a kid you know it was a long time ago right it's if you say to somebody look the difference of a childhood between 1900 and 1940 no one would everybody go well yeah that's huge or 1940 and 1980 yeah you go that's huge but I think that somewhere along the line because kind of middle-aged people are still wearing trainers and going to festivals and all this that they think it's not a big gap yeah it really is and I think one of the differences is is that when I was a kid the parents weren't trying to be your friends as well it didn't matter if, do you know what I mean?

38:56That wasn't their job. There is, I think, more of a feeling that you want, you know, your child to be happy and your friend and not so much your friend, but you just want to keep them happy. Whereas, I don't think that came into it. What's your parenting style? Are you quite strict? I try to, I definitely would say, I want to give an incredibly secure foundation of love and as much wisdom as I can, that I can, but I'm a bit over loving. You know, I'm a bit over touchy, feely, cuddly. And if your daughters were here now, what would they say your parenting style's like? Well, I think they would, it depended how much pocket money I'd given them if I got the right answer.

39:56Yeah. I will resort to bribery in these situations. I think parenting is bribery anyway. That's all it is. But I definitely, I definitely try to be, want to be, I suppose there's an element of me that's quite old fashioned. I'm quite old fashioned in that I you know I've got friends who are far more you know lax with their kids but I don't personally think that always gives a kid a sense of security yeah I know it's something that they feel they might want yeah but I'm I'm not sure that's true and I definitely wanted to be the the mom who I I know I always want to do family meals where people sit down and eat together that's really important every night really important to me and especially probably because I'm a bit you know ADHD I wanted to put in a timetable do you know what I mean even when they were young they've always had a bath they always because I thought that was do you I mean, I wanted to give them that securing routine.