Pregnancy Update: IVF Reflections, Ultrasounds & Travel

0:00This is the Pursuit of Wellness podcast and I'm your host, Mari Llewellyn.

0:08Hi guys, welcome back to a solo episode with me. I have lots to talk about with you today, kind of random, kind of all over the map. Things I'm experiencing, things I'm feeling, upcoming plans. I just had Fee on the show for a girl chat, which was so much fun. Listen out for that. It was really fun. We talked about her dating life, her journey with Ozempic, a medical situation she had that was so crazy and all women should know about, but really great to catch up with her. I am heading off to Europe this Friday, which is so exciting. It's kind of our baby moon, which I never expected to be going to Europe pregnant.

0:53I think I always in my head thought that it like wasn't allowed. I don't know. I think just from everything I went through, I was like, I probably wouldn't want to travel that far, but I'm feeling a lot better and more confident. And after talking to my doula and my doctor, I just feel, I feel good about it. So we're going to the South of France and then to the Cotswolds, which is where I spent a lot of my childhood to see my granny. And we're staying at some really gorgeous places and I just can't wait for the food and to spend time with Greg and just sort of like enjoy before we have a baby.

1:30It's so crazy. That'll be our last like big, big trip. And then we leave for Colorado for a whole month. So very exciting stuff. I'm definitely prepping for a big travel day. So the flight is overnight. I think it's like nine hours landing in London Heathrow and then transferring over to Nice. So I'm definitely prepping a lot, a lot of snacks. I've heard traveling pregnant, you want to have a lot of snacks. Even our flight to New York, which is the only flight I've done pregnant, I had cheese, crackers, like I, and you just, I need to eat like every couple hours, if not more frequently. So I definitely want to bring a lot of snacks.

2:12If anyone has advice of what to bring, let me know. I think like rice cakes, cheese sticks. I want to bring something with protein if I can. Greg always travels with a lunchbox because he's like, you know, Greg's Greg. So I'll bring some snacks. I'll definitely bring my Kindle. I'm very into reading. I'm reading the Queen of Shadows series. I think that's what people call it. Definitely will download some films. I'm hoping I can sleep. I'll definitely be bringing my Unisum, my prenatals and all my supplements and things like that and yeah I'm just you know I might delete social for a little bit while I'm there I feel like oh remember when I deleted social for two months that was the craziest thing ever what an experiment I feel like I might do that again for a little bit of the trip just to have some really present downtime I want to eat really good food I want to lay in the sun vibe out south of France is like my favorite place and I just feel really lucky and grateful that we're going.

3:12I actually, I'm such a Gemini guys. I always, always, always change my mind and change my plans. And that's just like how I've always been. And I decided last minute I wanted to leave a day earlier. And Greg agreed with me because I realized we only had two full days in Saint-Tropez. And I was like, that's not enough. Because you really lose like two days getting to Europe, at least from Texas. So leaving Friday instead of Saturday and I'm excited it's crazy I feel like it's such a big trip I'm lucky that I got to have an ultrasound before we left I had it yesterday and I think girls who have been through IVF or infertility or loss will relate to me in the like fear around appointments like I used to just be so terrified every time I was in the office and praying praying praying and just like really unable to even like speak because I was so nervous and I've now gotten to the point where the you know the thoughts are still there and I'm definitely like apprehensive but it's more of a exciting experience than anything it's like really fun to get to see him and how much he's grown and all the updates and I just have so much gratitude every time I leave and things are looking normal and you know even like my placenta shifted to a better position it was blocking my cervix before now it's not and I had like a small blood hemorrhage before and that's like absorbed so that's gone he was doing amazing all his size looks good like just all good news and I like the whole days off the following days after an appointment like that I'm just on cloud nine because I know what it's like to not get good news over and over and over again so such a good feeling and I just feel way more like just excited than I ever have and I'm really connected and don't know I'm excited to start feeling him I don't feel him yet I have an anterior placenta which I won't feel him like right away but I'm definitely like trying to notice if I feel him you know just so exciting and I'm excited to see like my granny while I'm pregnant and all the big exciting things.

5:30It's really like starting to feel real. I actually saw a TikTok video this girl made about being pregnant and like the rewiring that your brain goes through pregnant. And it was so valid what she said. She said, and she was coming from like a religious perspective where she was like, it feels like God is like showing me things like really closely. And it's becoming really evident to me how grateful I am for everything and like the things I definitely want to do and the things I don't want to do and you know relationships she has and she was like you know anything that was like bringing her drama or any negativity she was just like that's not for me right now and I definitely am noticing I just feel very clear on like my boundaries what I want to be around.

6:19I think because of what I went through with my journey, just like two years of struggle and let down and pain. Like I feel like I am a very empathetic person and I lean on the side of like, even when I come here to do the podcast, I am like hesitant to dive too deep into like pregnancy sometimes, or am I talking about it too much? Or I feel bad for anyone listening who's struggling because I just know what that's like but I've had conversations now with my therapist and with Dr. Molly and just other people of like yes you you can have those feelings but you also have worked really hard to be where you are and you deserve to be happy and to celebrate it and I feel like I'm trying to really allow myself to celebrate it because I think I had like almost like guilt about it for a while I was like like wanting to be in solidarity with like people that are still going through it and I think that that's really valid and I still do feel very connected to people who are struggling with fertility but at the same time like I need to give myself space to just be happy and I didn't mean to get all deep there but I've just been having that epiphany because it's something I've been talking about a lot with my therapist and yeah just sort of like this epiphany I've had of you know I even feel bad like making so much pregnancy content but I'm so excited to make it and I want to make it and it is my life and it's just it's a lot and um I think I'm in a place where I'm gonna let myself do that and for anyone listening who is because I know I have a large community of girls who are struggling and going through IVF if you need to mute me or unfollow me or not listen to the show right now please do that for yourself like you can always come back when you're ready and I am not offended like I did that for myself when I needed to and I think anyone who needs to do that should do that so yeah not in a harsh way just in a way of like I see you and I feel you and like take the space you need you know so I didn't really mean to go down that rabbit hole but I just that has been on my mind lately just also noticing like with that rewiring of the brain feeling just or noticing, not in a judgmental way, just like observing and being curious about like parenting styles and choices different parents make and just hearing about like different experiences.

8:45It's so funny. Like I don't have a ton of friends with kids. I have a couple. And just seeing the different ways people go about things and values and education and travel. And it's just, there's so much and just thinking about our life moving forward and how different it's gonna be. Greg and I like having these big conversations about like, well, what do we want to teach them? Or what do we, what do we want our life to look like? And just about our childhoods and things we loved and things we didn't love and whatever. It's like a very interesting time. And Michaela, my podcast manager and co-founder actually mentioned to me that there is science behind how our brains literally change after becoming a mom.

9:26It's like, it grows the third most rapidly in your lifetime, such a dramatic shift. I mean, it's like the biggest change you'll ever go through in your life. And I'm just already feeling like different, you know, being pregnant. So I thought that was interesting.

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13:01And then also just thinking about, okay, the birth experience. Like, what do I want? and like what emotions and intentions do I have around it? I feel like as of right now, and maybe it's because I'm far away from it, I've always been very fascinated with birth. And I think like I've never ever watched a birth video or a vlog or anything without crying. Like I find it to be the most magical thing. And I really try as of right now to only listen to like positive birth experiences and not to invalidate negative ones, but I just want to have a positive approach and like feeling really good about it.

13:39And I've always, I don't know, I'm not afraid of it as of right now. Like I feel good about it. And I feel very clear on like only really wanting Greg and my doula in the room. Like it just for me is like a very intimate thing and I don't wanna worry about, and I am someone if there's other people there, like I worry about everyone else before myself and I don't want to have that experience. I want to be like very focused and tuned in. So yeah, just thinking about that and how I want to handle like visitors. And it's just a lot, you know, it's a whole, it's a whole thing. Oh, also a little bit of a deviation, but there's a cool TikTok trend going around right now.

14:19And I wanted to talk about it because I found it to be very impactful. This has nothing to do with pregnancy or anything. It's like the big mama trend, everyone's calling it. It's like to that song, it's like big mama, big mama. it's become like a tall girl trend, at least on my algorithm. And if you're tall listening, growing up, I had a lot of insecurity around being tall, like always one of the tallest in my class in elementary school, middle school, high school. And even though I was like a very slim athletic kid, being tall as a female, it gives you like this level of like body dysmorphia, delusional like thinking because you're always heavier than your friends.

15:04You're always like bigger, like these words get thrown around and it created like a very big insecurity for me for a long time. And I think a lot of girls go through this and I didn't even realize, I felt like I was isolated in my experience. Like I'm always so much heavier than everyone else. of course, because you have so much more length going on. You know, I'm like 5 '10", 5 '11". And this trend is going around of like gorgeous tall girls posting their like measurements, like their height, their weight, their shoe size, their clothing size. Oh, that was the other thing. My clothing size was always a lot bigger than other people's because I'm like tall.

15:44I have a lot going on. So I was always like a medium, sometimes a large, like always over a hundred, you know my weight has changed a lot over the years like at my heaviest I was like 245 pounds but I've always been like over 150 pounds as an adult and like just you know that's when you're around girls who are like 110 120 you're like am I obese like what's going on and this trend has been so healing for me and so many other girls I think it's just kind of like sick and I actually joined in and I never usually talk about weight but this was one trend where I was like hell yeah like I'm glad tall girls are rising up and talking about this because if I saw that when I was young it would have helped me so much be like oh I'm just tall like this is normal so yeah I just wanted to say like if you don't follow me on TikTok go check it out I think it's the coolest trend ever and I love supporting my fellow tall girls.

16:44So I wanted to talk about that because I thought it was very, probably my favorite trend I've ever seen. But yeah, I asked you guys for questions as per usual and you guys delivered. Also guys, I feel like in the last literal three days, my stomach grew so much. Like it grows throughout the day, honestly. Like it changes. and when I wake up I'm like oh I barely look pregnant and then by the end of the day I'm like whoa I'm so pregnant and I'm sure I'm gonna look back on this and be like no babe you really weren't but like honestly as someone who's been through infertility I love looking pregnant like I want to look as pregnant as possible and so I love when people point it out or like I'm always saying to Greg like do you think people realize I'm pregnant like do you think they know or do I just look bloated.

17:33Like it's just like something that I've dreamed of for so long. So I'm like taking as many pictures as possible and whatever, just being real cheesy about it. So let me know if you relate to that. I know a lot of girls are like, don't call me big while I'm pregnant. And it's true. Like the word big is like not ideal, but at the same time, I kind of want to be big, you know? Also, I wanted to mention, I got my extensions back. Um, guys, I took them out probably two months ago. and I was like, because they were really getting grown out and my hair has been growing. Like I have all these baby hairs and my body hair grows at such a rapid pace.

18:10It's actually insane. And I was like, yeah, I'm just going to have natural hair my whole pregnancy. Like I'm not going to get my hair done. Uh, I was deeply depressed without my hair. Like I need long blonde hair that I just feel that this is the real me. And this just allows me to be the best version of myself. And I put them back in. And I know some people don't like to get their hair done pregnant. Totally get it. We didn't use bleach on my hair. I don't know what she used, but she said it was like very low chemical. And I kept all the doors open. We did it in my house. And for me, it was worth it to feel good about myself.

18:45Honestly, like I feel so much better. And yeah, sorry, I went on a tangent, but I do wear extensions. I used to have long natural hair and at a certain point living in LA, I think either from PCOS or stress, like it just all fell out. Like craziest thing. I got extensions before my wedding. And from that moment on, I have been addicted to extensions. So they are back in my head for the next six months. Did you stop doing Pilates? Yeah. And I am sad about it. So just for context, the Pilates I did was called Forma, which I started doing when I was in LA and it's a very intense Pilates like it's it's not like hit but like it is oh my god it's like one of the hardest workouts I've ever done and it's a lot a lot of core like you're basically doing abs the whole time and I was like I it's just not necessary like I'm really not wanting to do like direct abs like that and twisting and I would have to modify so much so I've really just gone back to weightlifting I did hire a trainer who's actually the girl who used to teach me at Forma, who also weightlifts.

19:51And she's prenatal certified. And I have these amazing workouts with her. My friend Jordan, who's also pregnant with a boy comes over and we do it together. And it's really, really fun. I've been doing it twice a week. Can you please walk us through how you found a great doula struggling to find one? Everyone I have hired so far has been a referral. Like I didn't go on Google. I didn't search. Like I just talked to girls who have kids in Austin and I found my doula through a friend who used her and had an amazing experience. I had a call with her. We did a like a zoom. She was amazing. Energy was amazing and I text her when I have questions.

20:32We haven't started working together super closely yet like we will closer to the time for like breathing classes and hypnobirth and whatever and she's also a lactation expert which is really cool. So I love that she's like an all-in-one queen. Yeah other people like night nurses for help at the beginning I found through a referral from my neighbor on my street and she came over and we talked for like two hours and she was amazing so everything has been through referral will you be sharing your new pregnancy wardrobe there's never any good outfits out there it took me a minute to figure it out but I think I'm getting closer I actually post about it a lot on TikTok linen pants like every day and I've started like putting them underneath my belly because I find if I try to like hide my stomach that's when I feel the most self-conscious if I just let my stomach out I actually feel a lot better weirdly I've always been like that though I've always loved a crop top so yeah I'm like wearing like t-shirts and linen pants and love a good dress but yeah I'm I think I'm leaning towards like more like tight fitted stuff because I think it makes it more obvious.

21:42Body suits are really great. But yeah, follow me on TikTok. I post about it there. What coffee do you use at home? I've been making matcha. I order like organic ceremonial grade matcha online. I did have a coffee latte today that I ordered, but I don't do that a lot. Greg uses like organic mold-free beans for his coffee. I'll find out for you guys what it is. Will you be doing a home birth or birthing center so excited for you? I'm not against it. I actually don't know much about it. But from the beginning, my IVF doctor was like, please give birth at a hospital just because, and it's not, I have not had a complicated pregnancy.

22:27I've been very lucky. Everything's going amazing. But I just, after my experiences I think I'm just too nervous actually and I greatly respect women who go that route I think I'm just for my first baby wanting to do the hospital but we'll see there's like certain things I don't want to do that I'm going to figure out with my doula um certain medications and things like that and I will keep you guys updated even though I'm sure I'll get like an onslaught of opinions and feedback they asked me how I'm feeling feeling amazing it's funny because I, it's so weird. Like I literally would not know I'm pregnant unless like my boobs are huge and I pee a lot and I'm like gassy, but that's kind of it.

23:11And I'm like hungry all the time, but genuinely I sometimes don't even feel pregnant. I'm like, wait, what? There's like a human in me. I feel great. And then even when I went to the OBGYN yesterday, they were like, oh, you're finally out the first trimester. You so happy. And I was like, yeah, but I, I mean, my first trimester I was way more tired and like the nausea was maybe more prevalent but like barely never threw up really felt pretty good and I was like yeah but like I feel good is that okay and she was like yeah it's okay like I almost feel bad about it but no I feel so lucky

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27:00support to help the whole fam chase their big dreams head back to class with the number one gummy supplement brand stuck up on ollie.com today these statements have not been evaluated by the food and drug administration this product is not intended to diagnose treat cure or prevent any disease what are five words you want to encompass your parenting style whoa great question and i obviously like this is coming from someone who actually does not have a baby yet so like Like a big piece of me wants to stay so open-minded. I don't know how I'm gonna feel. I wanna leave, like I wanna see how I actually feel.

27:36You know, I don't know what I don't know. I think actually that's probably one of my words, like open-minded and flexible. Maybe that's two words. I wanna be open to new things and ways I thought maybe I wouldn't wanna do things. I like those two words, compassionate and patient. And then I would love to add, like I think something I loved from my childhood was we traveled a lot and I was exposed to a lot of different cultures and languages and I think it really molded who I am as a person and I think I want to have that for my child one thing that Greg and I have always really believed in is sort of like not following the rules like with our business with the way we live our life with the way we do things our lifestyle would probably like really overwhelm a lot of people the way Greg and I like take risks and we've moved a lot and we've tried a lot of different things and we kind of just do things our own way and I would really like to apply that to our parenting style and sort of like love the advice love the you know suggestions but at the end of the day like we know what's best for us and our family and I would love to like just stay true to that you know great question oh what are you planning to do about your baby's vaccine schedule controversial probably won't like share super in depth about that it's interesting because I would like love to have someone come on the show to talk about it and learn more I just ordered a book called Vax Facts that I'm reading and I'm asking tons of questions and I'm just like really trying to educate myself and learn more so TBD oh cereal you're currently into purely Elizabeth.

29:18Still into it, guys. Although I definitely am overdoing it. When is the Bloom Pop coming out? July 4th. Guys, I mean, it's the best thing ever. I have it every night. The Shirley Temple is my favourite. Oh, they're right here behind me. Strawberry cream is amazing. I would really, I mean, they're all good, but the Shirley Temple is just bomb. Could you tell you were pregnant before the test? I had a feeling. My boobs really hurt. They were big, but I was also like maybe it's from the hormones. I wasn't sure. Basically I was like I'll be really surprised if I'm not pregnant. That was kind of like my thought but I also was so scared to get excited because I had so much riding on it you know.

30:00Are you scared to carry groceries and heavier stuff? I'm not scared. I'm more aware of everything I pick up. Like I'm not gonna pick up something that's like exceedingly heavy which is funny because I'm in the gym like lifting pretty heavy right now. Not to an excessive amount. I definitely milk it with Greg. I'm like, oh, maybe you'll get that. You know, like I'm not doing anything excessive. At the beginning, I was scared for sure. For sure. For sure. But now that I'm back to weightlifting and I can see that he's fine, I'm like, oh, okay. I guess I can do normal things. Will you be sharing baby boy's name?

30:34No, not until he's born. Because I don't want to get your opinions. Greg and I have loved this name since we met and it's a different spelling than we thought we would do it's very short and it's very cute and that's all I'll say comfy bra racks for pregnancy skims all the way thousand percent how has your relationship with Greg changed after being pregnant these are great questions Greg and I have really just been in this like love bubble I feel like we're just both so excited and I feel way more connected to him than I ever have and I also just like notice that I like miss him like I want to be around him all the time I really would just prefer to always be with him which is like a nice feeling you know um and yeah we just like sharing in this amazing journey like he's at every appointment and we're both just standing there like how is this possibly happening like this is insane how's the baby room going it's going I've ordered a crib I've ordered a dresser I wanted to order those early because Jasper the founder of Jasper Mike Feldstein told me to get them ASAP and let them air out because a lot of them have chemicals on them and like formaldehyde and stuff.

31:45So I want them to like sit like in a open window room for a while to get rid of those chemicals. I've picked out my wallpaper. I haven't ordered a glider yet. His closet is slowly filling up with clothes. I need more pajamas. I need a rug, but I love the room I picked. I think it's perfect. It's pretty close to our room. Downstairs. I don't want to be going up and down the stairs. I've ordered a few cute things, honestly, guys. And I ordered the first thing with his name on it, which was such a crazy feeling. How have you kept your diet? Is it gluten-free dairy free or are you eating what your body craves for the baby?

32:24I'm not gluten-free dairy free. I actually have been eating a lot of dairy. I think it's good for the fetus development. they say to get a lot of calcium protein i drink whole grass-fed organic milk i eat cheese um i eat gluten right now i i would say i've been eating pretty healthy like i have a protein bar my eggs my oh i did actually do a nutrition workout episode if you want to go listen to that but definitely protein forward and healthy fats but like i also allow myself to have treats here and there, things I'm really loving. I'm obsessed with mango and fruit. I'm definitely more lenient, but still focused on protein.

33:06And really, I just like simple food. That's the thing. Like my snack here at the studio today was rice cakes was like smashed avocado and lemon and salt, smoothies, that kind of thing. What did Lulu and Arnold eat? They eat a brand called BJ's, which is like a very small family-owned business in Austin and it has like organs in it and like all the animal parts and it's like fresh they are I mean those dogs are so healthy they love it and we put goat milk on it and colostrum and blueberries like we're insane we're insane our dogs eat really well weirdest thing so far in pregnancy for you the hair growth honestly like I have eyelashes growing out of the corners of my eyes, which I know sounds really bizarre.

33:52My hair like in weird places is growing. Like I'll shave my armpits and the next day they're hairy. It's, I can't keep up with it. It's actually insane. Also my smell. It's gotten better. Like I was stinking. Even if I like showered every day, I was just stinky girl. And I think it's from the hormones. So that was kind of weird. What age do you want to be done having kids? I don't know. We'll see. That's another thing where I'm like, I don't know. We're going to have to see how I feel. Why do you think the culture is now so anti-women having babies? You know what's weird about that? Like when I lived in New York or LA, I maybe noticed that more, like less people in those places talk about having babies.

34:36Living in Austin, way more of my friends and like people around me are either pregnant or trying to have babies. I think when you're in like a city where everyone's very career focused, like I understand that like kids may not be front of mind. Yeah, I'm sure it has to do with like the political environment and feeling like women's rights are not being respected and things like that. For me, it was like a switch went off. Like I was so career focused for so long. And then I I swear I turned 29. I'm 31 now. And I was like, I need a baby. Like, I'm ready. That's my purpose in life. Like, I know that it is.

35:15And I think that happens for some people. And for some people, it doesn't. And it's really okay. You know, everyone's on a different path, a different journey. And yeah, definitely interesting. I would love to know other people's opinion on that. Do you eat fresh chicken eggs every day or supplement with store-bought? No, I only eat my chicken eggs, actually. I'm very anti-buying chicken eggs because my girls, they free range all day guys so interesting I forget if I told you but we have like five hawks like a family of hawks living in my back property where I let the chickens free range and I was like oh my god they're gonna eat my chickens and like for days we didn't let them out and I felt so bad and I was so worried and finally I was like you know what like let's set up a scarecrow and we have all these bushes that the chickens hide in like hopefully they're okay and they've just been coexisting with these hawks.