Q&A: Breastfeeding, Postpartum Recovery, Mental Health, and Balancing Life After Baby

0:00Cai:Motherhood and postpartum is one of those things that you can hear about and read about, talk about, but until you go through it, it's like difficult to put into words. I really was hesitant to accept help, but I think I hit a point where I was so burnt out that I realized I wasn't being the best parent I could be because I was mentally exhausted. it's actually insane honestly the pressure to breastfeed for as long as possible while losing weight while bouncing back while feeling like yourself going back to work after struggling with infertility you never want to complain about being pregnant or about having a baby because you're like well i wished for this for so long this is the pursuit of wellness podcast and i'm your host mari lwellyn before we hop in i just have to add i was reading the youtube comments and everyone's like, oh my gosh, they do not take your organs out when you get a C-section.

0:53Cai:I'm sorry if I phrased that wrong. That is what Greg told me was happening. I don't know, guys. I wasn't looking. I haven't seen the photos. From what I was told, there were organs out and around. Maybe that's not the case. I don't want to freak anyone out. So if that was inaccurate information, I'm so sorry. And if I could say anything about the C-section, it was extremely chill and I'm recovering great. So if you're getting a C-section, please don't freak out. Hi guys, welcome back to The Pursuit of Wellness. My name is Mari. I am the host of the show and I'm actually coming out of retirement right now from my postpartum era.

1:33Cai:I mean, I'm still very much postpartum. My baby's three months old and I've kind of taken a big break since being pregnant, going through IVF and I'm back and I'm so excited to answer your guys' as questions. We're going to do a Q &A today. My last episode was my birth story, which was a little bit of a unexpected turn. So make sure you go listen to that if you haven't yet. I'm very excited to see what questions you guys have. I'm excited to connect with my other mums, new mums, and also anyone who's just interested in what this has been like. So let's see what you guys asked. I haven't even really looked at these.

2:13Cai:We love having the element of surprise because you guys ask crazy questions sometimes, which we love. A lot of people asking for the birth story. So again, make sure you go back and listen to that episode. What surprised you about motherhood and postpartum the most? Everything. I feel like motherhood and postpartum is one of those things that you can hear about and read about and talk about. But until you go through it, it's like difficult to put into words because you just feel like a completely different person. It's an upheaval of who you are and what you thought things were going to be like.

2:51Cai:And it's, there's really no word to describe it. I keep saying like when someone's like, how's it going? How's, how's mom life? It's like the best chaos because it really is chaos and you're always having to adjust and figure things out, but it's also the best. I think the most surprising thing for me other than that is how much I love it. I think I always knew I wanted to have a baby and I was excited about it, but I didn't, I wasn't sure if it would come naturally to me, to be honest. Like I had never had that much experience with babies in general. So I was really surprised and happy to see how much I felt natural and how much I enjoyed it.

3:33Cai:When did you start telling people you were pregnant? So I had a little bit of a different situation because I did IVF and I did an embryo transfer and I spoke about it openly on the podcast. I don't think I spoke about the actual transfer day and I deleted social media after my transfer because I wanted to feel just very calm and I didn't want to compare my experience to anyone else's. But I, when the transfer was successful, I told people who were very close to me that it was successful. but then if you guys remember I had a scare because my HCG levels were not where they should be so they told me it was a one percent chance of the embryo working so then I basically had to go and tell everyone that it wasn't positive but then it ended up working out so it was a bit of a traumatic experience but I think I posted on Instagram when I was 12 weeks that was when I was openly like publicly pregnant these questions are going to be all over the map guys how do you feel about the ACOTAR news?

4:35Cai:I've been dying to talk about this. I'm so pumped. So I think the next book comes out in October was what Sarah J Maas said. And I'm excited. I mean, I'd love for it to come out right now, but I am hype. It has been a while since I read that series. But the way that that, I mean, I was so, so obsessed. I flew through that series. So I'm so excited to have another book. And I'm pretty sure she said it was like split into different parts, right? like different books, which is crazy. And I'm so excited. Do you have a postpartum workout routine? Okay. I lifted weights throughout my pregnancy, like pretty much up until the end.

5:13Cai:At the very end, I was working out like maybe twice a week because of my carpal tunnel and things like that. But I kept weightlifting. I wasn't able to until I got cleared, I think, what was it? Six weeks after having Kai with the C-section, I was allowed to start exercising. So I started pretty slow, like low weights. I had no core. Like I could not feel my abs at all. And now I'm just starting to feel them again. But I started training once a week with a personal trainer. Then I went up twice and now I'm at three times a week. And I'll also train on my own with Greg. And I'm trying to walk a lot, but it really is dependent on your recovery and how you're feeling.

5:56Cai:I'm also working with a pelvic floor therapist. I've also been getting like deep tissue back massages because my back is messed up from having a really heavy baby and from breastfeeding and pumping. I know this is so personal, but please talk about vaccines. I have so, so, so, so, so many questions about vaccines and I get it because I'm also confused, to be honest with you guys. Like, I think as a new mum, it's really scary because you feel entirely responsible for this baby's well-being. And there's a lot of information and you don't know who to listen to. I mean, I've had guests on this show who I respect and love who are pro-vax, anti-vax, in the middle.

6:45Cai:I am still doing my research. As of right now, we are like starting to have conversations about it, but I haven't made any decisions yet. We actually just did, I really love our pediatrician and we just did a DNA test with Kai to see how his detox pathways are and what we can help like give him to support him if we do choose to do vaccines. So he's taking fish oil right now. He takes a probiotic right now. And we do do mylocon drops right now because he had such bad gas, but I think we're going to remove those soon. Anyway, we could go on a whole, we could go on a whole tangent about the baby supplements, but I'm still figuring out the vaccine thing.

7:30Cai:Um, and it's a scary topic because people are very, very opinionated on it. I'm kind of like, I want to know the studies. I want to know the numbers, like what's really necessary. What's not. We did do the RSV shot right at the beginning because RSV, it was RSV season when he was born and it's very dangerous in newborns. So we got the antibody shot. I also got the Tdap when, when did I get the Tdap? Oh, I got the Tdap a couple of weeks ago because it is the antibodies pass through the breast milk to Kai. So it's a way of getting him safe without giving him a direct shot, if that makes sense. So I got the vaccine.

8:09Cai:LOL. I want to talk about that stuff, but it's also a little bit intimidating because it is such a taboo topic. And I also feel like we should be able to talk openly about this stuff. I don't know, it's very confusing, but I will keep you guys posted once I can kind of wrap my head around it. A list of essentials for the baby. I see a lot of questions about that. I am gonna compile a list for you guys because there are so many things that I thought we would never use that we use every day and things that I thought we would use every day that we never use. So I'm gonna do a separate episode about my top, top, top baby recommendations because as of right now, my brain is mush and I can't remember them, but I will write them down.

8:47Cai:This girl said, yay, was just going to ask when your podcast was coming back. Thank you so much. And she said, what does a day in your life look like? So it's a little bit all over the map right now. This is my first like proper day back in the studio. I haven't been working at all other than like, you know, my Instagram and a couple of bloom things here and there, but I've really been at home with Kai. So I wake up at 6am to pump and I'm still pumping at 6am. And that's a whole, a whole discussion about the breastfeeding journey that I want to talk about, but I'm pumping at 6am. Kai is usually up by seven.

9:28Cai:So I pump at six, get the milk in the fridge, get myself ready as possible so that I'm ready for him at seven, make a matcha, caffeine up, get him at seven. And then Kai is usually in a really playful mood right off the bat. So we'll like play on the purple monkey mat. If you know, you know, um, we are like practicing rolling right now and he's grabbing things and putting things in his mouth and smiling and babbling. So it's really fun. And then he'll usually get hungry by eight. It depends. It really depends on his schedule. We'll do a bottle. We'll burp. Then we go on a walk in the stroller.

10:07Cai:I really try to get steps in and get outside with him. And then he'll need a nap. And then we repeat the whole thing over again. If you know that you've been home with a baby, it's very repetitive and you kind of live in these like three hour brackets because he's eating around every three to four hours. he's playing, he's sleeping. Sometimes I like to throw in like a cute baby play date. I'm going to music class with him next week. I've been practicing driving him around by myself, which sounds really dumb, but it is so scary. The first time that you drive with your baby, I was so, I'm still honestly intimidated because I'm like, okay, what if he's screaming in the back and I'm in the front and I can't help him.

10:47Cai:And, but you get used to it. Like, I think this might sound dumb, but like a skill I learned from my fitness journey and also building a business is like ripping off the bandaid and doing the scary things is kind of necessary to like, just build confidence, you know, and the more I keep putting myself out there and doing things that I'm scared of, the more comfortable I feel. And ultimately, if he cries in the car, he cries in the car. If he cries in public, he cries in public, you know, people are generally pretty nice about it. So I think I just went on a whole tangent. Oh, then Kai is usually in bed asleep.

11:22Cai:We do bath time around 5.30 or 6. He is in bed asleep usually around 7.30 or 8. Greg and I are in bed by 8 because I have to pump. I do my nighttime pump. Then we're watching a show. Kai is getting up. well he gets up at 10 for a dream feed and then he's up again at usually 5 or 6 a.m he's doing pretty well with the sleep he's a big chunky baby and he eats a lot so he sleeps pretty well but it's not perfect wellness things you are doing postpartum okay I think like right at the beginning, it was like a focus on hydrating, taking supplements like postnatals, fish oil, magnesium, taking things to kind of support the recovery.

12:17Cai:Big on hydration, like a lot of electrolytes. I love Kinton minerals. I love like the bloom colostrum, like anything really healing and just throwing it in a water. And I'm drinking a ton of water while breastfeeding because I'm so thirsty. Also nourishing food. I think that's really where you tap into your partner because Greg, like that was the biggest thing he could help me with the first couple of weeks when I was just feeding Kai constantly was like feeding me. So like making me healthy breakfasts, good snacks, good lunches, a lot of like home cooking and nourishing food, a lot of protein.

12:54Cai:I think as I've like, you know, I'm three months postpartum now, I'm getting more into like the the lymphatic drainage massages and helping with inflammation, some deep tissue for back and neck pain, which is such a real thing when you're a mom, working on my scar, pelvic floor therapy. I recently went and did exosome treatment, which is with the stem cells that we harvested from my placenta, which is like a whole discussion. I think the working out and the walking has been making me feel really good and really energized. Meeting up with other moms, I know that's not necessarily like wellness but that mentally has been so so so helpful for me I don't think I realized how important the connection with other mums is during this time because it can be so isolating like you really are in a bubble all day and kind of just existing you and your baby and you're like is this normal that I feel this way it can be a lot so I think having community or even reaching out to people that you don't know that well like that's been a kind of a cool thing for me is like, okay, I haven't spent a lot of time with this person, but now we have this thing in common and I really need someone to bounce this off of.

14:02Cai:And it's like the easiest thing to make friends with a new mom because you just want to talk about the same things, you know? Thoughts on managing a career with motherhood, I'm stressing out by the thought. I don't blame you. And before I answer this, I want to be very transparent. Like I feel very lucky that I'm in a position now where I don't necessarily have to come back. I have a husband that's like running, you know, he's running Bloom. He's the CEO. He loves his work. And I'm obviously here on the podcast. And I love this podcast. To me, this isn't work. Like this is something I do for fun and enjoy.

14:37Cai:And I love connecting with you guys. But I keep thinking to myself, I cannot imagine having to go back to a full-time office job right now. And I really commend the women who do because it is hard to leave your baby even for a couple of hours you're like am I gonna miss something I miss him what's happening it's it feels really challenging and I had a lot of back and forths about it in my mind because I hit a point where I was like having creative ideas but also not wanting to leave him so I yeah I think it's different for everyone and I commend women that go back full time because it is really difficult, I'm sure mentally.

15:18Cai:And also I just feel like my brain isn't functioning at full capacity right now, to be honest with you guys. Like having adult conversations is really hard. I feel like my brain is always split in half thinking about baby things and then trying to be in the moment, which I think is just like being overstimulated in general. What will you do with any remaining embryos? So I have two embryos on ice. I know the genders and hopefully we'll use them at some point. We will see. I can imagine that we will, but right now I absolutely do not want to be pregnant again. I can't even picture that. So at some point we will hopefully use those embryos again and hopefully they stick with an embryo transfer.

15:56Cai:Please tell us what help and support staff you have with CHI. So this is a question I see pop up a lot. And also this was a question I had for a lot of mums because I don't have family nearby. So we live in Austin, Texas and our family are all on the East Coast. My dad's in Europe most of the time. So I don't have any help around. So I kind of knew I was going to have to build a village. And I really struggled with it at first, honestly. I had a lot of very protective feelings. I still do, frankly, towards Kai. And when we came home with him, I was like, I don't want anyone taking care of him other than me.

16:37Cai:I even struggled a little bit with Greg, to be honest with you guys. I was like, this is my baby. No, but Greg's wonderful with him. It just is like this hormonal, instinctual, protective. It's like a lioness feeling. You're like, I do not want anyone taking care of my baby. But at the same time, you are exhausted and it's so hard to do alone. I mean, any single parents listening, I am so floored and impressed. Like you are soldiers it's amazing it's really hard to do alone like you physically do not have enough hands to breastfeed change a diaper make a bottle pump it's pretty crazy and I had a big learning with that honestly the first I want to say three weeks we were home I had Greg home with me postpartum and he was helping where he could but obviously when you're breastfeeding it's mostly on you.

17:31Cai:And I really was hesitant to accept help. But I think I hit a point where I was so burnt out that I realized I wasn't being the best parent I could be because I was mentally exhausted. And I knew I was going to have to build a village. So I found amazing women. And I kind of, to be honest with you guys, it was not easy for me to find people that I loved because I, you know, when it comes to your child, you are just on a different level of, you're just very particular and you can only trust certain people who match your energy, who match the baby's energy. So I found amazing night help and she has just been like a rock for me.

18:11Cai:And she was one of the first people I let kind of into the house to help us. And she taught me so much about nighttime routine and feeding schedule and breastfeeding. And she kind of felt like, obviously she's there to help me with the baby, but such a support for me. And she really feels like family, honestly. And I can't imagine doing this journey without her. Like I've cried to her. It's an amazing bond that you have when you find the right people for your village. And now that I've found a couple of women who are helping me day to day. So for example, right now I have our nanny at the house with Kai and I love her.

18:49Cai:We talk all day. We spend a lot of time together and we've gotten really close and she's sending me photos and updates. And she's kind of like, um, someone described to me like you're the person helping you with your baby should really be like a teammate for you. And that's what she feels like for me. And it allows me to do my workouts, you know, come here, do things for myself every now and again I definitely don't like to have someone there 24 7 that's not really my personality I like to have alone time with him so in the mornings the way we're structuring things right now I'm alone with him for most of the morning until I get help and then I try to fit everything I need to do that day in the few hours that I have her and then I have him back for the afternoon and evening so it's working as of right now and I feel very lucky that I found someone I love.

19:42Cai:Maybe we'll do a whole episode about this because honestly, I wish someone had told me when I was doing interviews when I was pregnant, I thought I wanted one thing. And again, you really cannot plan for what you think you're going to want because you just don't know. So I had hired someone originally who checked every box, super experienced. She was, I mean, she was so experienced. She seemed amazing, had every qualification and it just didn't work out. And I could tell from the second she was in the house that it wasn't going to work out. I really hope she's not listening to this, but that's okay.

20:16Cai:I just want to be honest about it. I could tell from the moment she came to the house that it wasn't the right fit for me because I had this like overwhelming anxiety leaving and that's never a good sign. And I was like, I just don't feel comfortable. I had a stomachache. I was like, I was rushing home after. And I'm really proud of myself for acting quickly on that because I think it can be easy to convince yourself that you are the problem. And I did that. I was like, it's me. I'm just overly anxious because I'm postpartum and I have to give her a chance. But when it comes to your childcare, it's like when you know, you know type of thing and the energy has to feel aligned with what you want.

20:57Cai:And when I found my current nanny, I felt calm. I felt like, I don't know, it was a very calm energy. It felt easy. It feels, I feel good when I leave the house. I know everything's going to be fine. She's like on the ground playing with him and singing to him and all the things I like to do with him, she does too. So I feel really, really good about that. And I just want to say like finding the right people can be really challenging. and I also know it's a privilege to have help but I also kind of wish I had family nearby sometimes but you know such is life and we make it work but you do need to have a village around you.

21:34Cai:How has it been getting back into weightlifting and breastfeeding while feeling tired? Yeah that's been interesting guys so I feel like we should have someone on the show who speaks about breastfeeding because it is a very interesting journey. I think given the fact that I had a hard time getting pregnant and whatever, I assumed that I would also have a hard time breastfeeding for some reason, but it actually came pretty naturally for me. I had a decent supply. Kai latched pretty well. He does have a tongue tie and that's like something we've had to deal with, but he had a good latch. He takes a bottle, he takes a boob, he doesn't care.

22:13Cai:He just wants milk. Like he is a hungry boy. It was pretty diabolical for a while. He went through a growth spurt and he was eating like 40 ounces a day, which was insane, guys. I felt like a corpse by the end of the day. Like I was giving this boy so much milk, but I felt good about my supply and I got on a good pumping breastfeeding schedule. But I think like there's like almost this misconception that breastfeeding is going to help you lose weight and get back to yourself faster. And that has not been my experience, I felt like, and I'm still breastfeeding and pumping right now. It kind of, for me, kept me in a fog and it really contributed to my anxiety.

22:55Cai:Like when I would leave the house or anything, like anytime I stepped outside the house, I was obsessed with, okay, well, if I'm gone for an hour, then I have to be back in time to pump. But then I can't pump too late because then I can't breastfeed and it's like minutes and ounces and you're just counting every single it's just counting and scheduling and it can get really obsessive and I think for me that was like mentally the hardest part of this whole journey was feeling so anxious of messing up the routine and my milk and he was eating so so much at one point that I was making just enough and then when you're living ounce to ounce it's a very stressful existence you're checking the fridge constantly how much is there for the next feed oh my gosh what if there's enough like I have to get back on the part like I literally have anxiety talking about it right now so regardless of having a good supply and it feeling pretty natural it was still very challenging for me and we very recently started combination feeding him formula and breast milk and I felt such a weight off my shoulders when we started doing that.

24:05Cai:Like I feel like I'm coming, I'm de-thawing. Like I feel like I'm coming back to life. Still feel foggy, to be honest with you. Like I still feel hormonally completely messed up, which I think is normal three months postpartum. But we are on a combo feeding protocol. I also have a freezer stash because I had enough milk that I was able to freeze bags every day that we have enough breast milk to stretch him all the way to six months, hopefully. which is the plan. Someone told me that if they're getting two ounces of breast milk every day, even if it's just two ounces, they are still getting the benefits of breast milk.

24:44So that made me feel really a lot better about introducing formula.

24:49Cai:But you know what, guys, like no shade to formula feeding at all. And after going through this and realizing how freaking hard it is, whatever you need to do to feed your baby is like obviously the best option. And I really hate the the pressures that are put it's actually insane honestly the pressure to breastfeed for as long as possible while losing weight while bouncing back while feeling like yourself going back to work it's it's beyond contradictory to me because in my experience you can't lose weight breastfeeding in my experience I think when your body is working so hard to produce milk your prolactin is high things are messed up you're also starving hungry like I could eat meals and meals and meals and still be hungry because I was producing so much milk that I was starving and even if you're eating healthy it's you kind of need to be in a calorie surplus to breastfeed maybe your experience is different but I found breastfeeding and trying to feel like myself again really challenging so I'm currently on a 14-day weaning protocol where I'm slowly but surely dropping a pump every day and slowly like dropping down how much I'm breastfeeding which I have very mixed feelings about I'm like really sad to not one day not have him breastfeeding anymore because it is a very special bonding experience and I'm so happy that we did it for so long but I also was killing myself to keep him exclusively breastfed.

26:27Cai:And I was like, why am I doing this? I am a mess. We went to Colorado and we were supposed to be there for a month. And I was unable to be there for more than a week because I was so anxious. And I really think holding myself to this crazy standard of breastfeeding exclusively and sorry, breast milk exclusively, pumping and breastfeeding, whatever, was killing me mentally. So I'm feeling really good about the decision. He's loving the formula. We always mix it with breast milk. So it's kind of half and half, but he's doing great. So if this makes you feel better about combo feeding, then I hope this has given you some confidence because I was terrified and it's going better than I could have imagined.

27:10Cai:And it's definitely helping me feel more like myself. Hardest part of pregnancy. The hardest part of pregnancy, I guess, for me was the very end. Like the third trimester was really tough. I was uncomfortable. I had carpal tunnel. I had insomnia. Everything kind of hurt. That was the hardest part. I think, I don't know if it's because I had a boy, but the first two trimesters were pretty chill for me, but the end was definitely tough. Is Kai fussy to get to sleep? If so, any tips? Yes, yes, yes, he is. He, I think, has hit this point where he has FOMO, is what they say. Like, he is more aware now to the point where he doesn't want to miss out on anything in the day.

27:52Cai:So like when I'm getting him down for a nap, he's fussy for sure. He kind of like gets like mad. Like he does this little like angry noise. And we do a lot of like standing and swaying and singing and shushing. Going outside always calms him down. If it's really bad, put him in the stroller and push it back and forth, like backward and forward. Motion works every time. He does take a passy. he likes his Pasi, that will help. Honestly, if I'm really struggling, I stick my boob in his mouth and it works every time. So I'm worried when I don't have milk anymore, if that's not going to work. But the boob in the mouth seems to work every time.

28:32Cai:But yes, yes. And I honestly have been curious if other people have this experience and apparently it's normal. When will you start riding again? Guys, I haven't ridden a horse in over a year. I don't know so the problem is that my horse is um about an hour away and while I'm still feeding and pumping it's difficult for me to leave for that long without bringing him and I feel bad putting him in the car for that long but I have a feeling once I'm done with this 14 day weaning I will feel ready to get back on the horse no pun intended I'm excited though I miss it so much. How much weight did you gain total for your pregnancy?