Making a Successful Transition to Preschool (with Mr. Chazz)

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1:45Mr. Chaz has been dubbed America's favorite teacher for good reason. He has a magical way of gaining the trust of kids and adults, inspiring all of us with his charm and his humor. He's humble, which is refreshing and disarming. And what I appreciate even more about Mr. Chaz is his passion and commitment to the work of understanding how to care for children and to motivate them to be at their best. Mr. Chaz has built an enormous engaged following on TikTok, Instagram, and through his podcast Learning Curve with Mr. Chaz, and it's an understatement to say that this is well-deserved. I can't recommend him highly enough, and I'm proud to call him a friend.

2:29Today I've asked Mr. Chaz to share about his latest venture, the creation of a learning and childcare center called Birdhouse that is surely going to be a model for many more of its kind. I'm also hoping Mr. Chaz will help us understand how to make the transition to preschool or a care center a positive experience for us and our child. So, here he is. Hi, Mr. Chaz. Hello, Janet Lansbury. You know I love talking with you, and I think we talked several months ago, but I don't know. It seems like it's been too long, so I'm excited to be able to catch up with you here, especially at this time, because this is when children are starting back up to school or starting for the first time, some of them.

3:16And you have this huge project that you've accomplished where you've opened your own school. And I want to hear all about that. Specifically, I thought you might talk about what you are doing, what your school's program is for helping the children to adjust. and how parents can aid in that process at home or in the actual drop-off situation. Yeah, there's almost two parts of what I can share. One part is the ideal world that I'm trying to create with my school in Brooklyn. And then there's also the reality of most childcare facilities that exist and how to navigate those sometimes not so ideal situations.

4:09Have you ever worked in some of those? Because I know you've worked in a lot of other situations that got you to this point of being able to open your own. And were you also in situations where you didn't feel like it was an ideal transition process? Yeah, I think 99 % of childcare centers, the way they do the transition is not ideal. We often do things for the convenience of the adult rather than what's best for the child or the teachers or even the family unit. I would even back that up and say it is often the convenience of meeting these awesome responsibilities that we often have as grownups.

4:52So I'm excited to dive into how to navigate the center-based. I'm excited to dive into how I believe we can start to shift and change in early childhood. That's great, because I feel like a lot of those people listen here as well. And I know that that is where a lot of changes need to be made on that level with early childhood programs. So maybe we should start with hearing about what you're trying to achieve with your school. And we can talk about how that's helping to ameliorate some of the issues that you saw going on or have experienced going on in other programs. Yeah. So first, because I am a teacher myself, I'm going to start with the teachers and then I'm going to kind of answer the question that you were really asking in the beginning about transitions, how we're kind of doing it differently and also how and navigate maybe your more traditional early childhood program that you're going to.

5:53So first, at Birdhouse, which is the in-home child care facility in Brooklyn, the head teacher gets to live upstairs in the school. So that way they don't have to pay rent. So that way teachers don't feel like they're in their own survival state so that they can really lend their prefrontal lobes and really care for the children because they feel cared for and they're not in a survival state. Any parent can very much relate that it is much harder to care for children when you're not cared for yourself. I think another reason that is helpful, not just helpful personally to those teachers, but to the program itself and to the success of the program is that you're encouraging a feeling of commitment to being a teacher there.

6:44And we know that in that field, there's a high turnover with people working in care centers for younger children, because maybe they're not feeling cared for, and they're not maybe getting paid as much as they should get paid, probably. And therefore, they don't have that consistency for the children, for the families. So that's a really good way of ensuring that people are kind of dedicated and will stay. Yeah. I mean, what a novel idea. So that is one of the things that I've always believed, that just by taking care of teachers, you're taking care of children and you're taking care of parents because the children need the consistency and the parents also want it too.

7:24Right. I could talk about Birdhouse all day, but I'm more than happy to jump back on topic. This conversation started off with us talking about how to kind of transition into school and how we do transitions here and also how you can do transitions in a more traditional settings where they don't necessarily maybe allow you to come into the space as much. I would love to hear your thoughts about that. You have such a depth of experience. So what I will say is this idea of drop off and pick up and seeing in traditional centers how often we kind of drop children off like Amazon packages and we're just like, okay, you're here.

8:04and parents are trying to just like dart out the door. And it's often a very emotional situation. And not that it's not going to be emotional, but just I wanted to honor that moment of one, yes, separation from the parent, but also the connection that they're arriving to in their school family at Birdhouse. And so instead of it being this quick drop off and pick up, Instead, we wanted to focus more on the connection aspect of all of this. And so we have shifted the language to arrival and reunion. Now, it's not just a language change. It also comes with a change in how we're approaching this. The arrival time is a time where they come in, they help their children wash their hands, they connect.

8:53It's all focused on kind of integrating them into the classroom and connecting a little bit more. And yes, this takes more time than a quick little drop off, kind of shoving them in the classroom and then darting out. But I also find that this is a way for them to really feel safe and connected and more easily jump into the learning and the play and everything else that we have to offer. So do you suggest they do some kind of activity like that's a preparatory, like washing hands or that's connected like that? Or what's the plan that you actually give parents for what to do? Thank you for asking.

9:34So they come in. I have a little visual of kind of what the plan is so that the children know and also the parents know. Coming in, there can be a lot of distractions. So that visual can be helpful because there are a lot of steps. First, we have a moment of connection. And the little visual of that is a picture of me because they always come in and see me. Usually it's a high five or a hug or a fist bump. And as it's progressed, it's become more and more individualized to each child. Each child kind of has their own way. They like to connect when they come in. And if they don't want to connect, they can pass and they don't have to connect.

10:11It's not something that I'm going to force them to do. The next picture has a picture of like their hook and their cubby. And so the child puts their stuff away on the hook or their cubby, or sometimes the parent helps them. Next visual is they take off their shoes because we're in New York and there's the thought of us playing with the same shoes that were stomping around all in New York. Just doesn't feel sanitary enough for me. So they take off their shoes, they walk in across the play space. And then I have little shoe prints where they put their shoes right on the shoe print. Again, visuals are so helpful for helping children and parents know what to do.

10:46And then the parents help them wash their hands. Now, before the parent leaves, there is a moment of connection that we encourage all the parents to have. Now, that can be different for each child. It could be like a hug, hug, kiss. It can be a little game that they play. But there's a moment of connection before the parent leaves. The parent can leave whenever they like. They're not forced to stay, but they're also invited to stay during our circle time. So sometimes parents can stay and they stay for circle time. Now there is a time where all the parents are expected to leave. And our routine, what we do is we have a goodbye song for the parents.

11:25So that is our arrival that is a little bit different than kind of the traditional. Most programs won't allow you to really stay. They do want a drop off. They want you to come in, maybe help you wash their child's hands. and then they're kind of kicking you out of the classroom. Another thing that we do is we allow parents to come a week or two ahead of time and come in and arrive and do some circle time with us so the child can get connected with the space and also get more connected with us. So if the child does have a hard time when the parent leaves, they have a safe person to go to. It's really hard to help that child work through the big emotions of separating from their parent if they're not already connected with you, if they're not already safe with you.

12:08We know that. So we build those connections beforehand. So you have a program all summer. So you're there the whole year, are you? All year. We're year round. Okay. So they can come in with their child and like enjoy the program and meet the people and they can stay the whole day, the parents or? So we actually just have them come in for just the arrival time, 9 to 9.30, where they're arriving and they can see other people coming in. They can see how the other children say goodbye to their parents so they can. They can kind of make the connection that this is kind of a part of the routine. And they can also start to get excited about the things in our space, but mostly feel connected and safe with, we call them safekeepers, not teachers, but the safekeepers in our space.

12:55And it makes such a difference. Even with all this lead up, I'm not going to sit here and tell you that children, like when parents leave, that the child doesn't sometimes cry. The difference is that the child cries and they often come to us for comfort and safety. And we're able to help them work through that because they already feel safe and connected with us. We already might have some strategies that we use to kind of get them into play. We kind of know how they like to play. So it's a lot easier for them to co-regulate and get to a place where they are regulated enough to play and have fun and build connections with their school family.

13:32So you've also met them. The teachers have met the child and the parent, presumably, but the child one-on-one as they're coming into the classroom to watch and observe and get to check it out. Then how are they connecting with the teacher or the safekeeper? When a child is first coming into the space, especially with their parent, they are very cautious. They're looking. We avoid trying to pressure the child because if we go too fast, too quickly, it can create a feeling of uncertainty and like, oh, this person is trying to get me to do something and I'm not quite there ready yet. They really do know that we will meet them where they're at at their pace.

14:14I look for little moments of things that they're interested in that they want to play. and then I notice those things too. I might go and grab something that they're noticing so they can feel seen and understood and hand them a toy. If they do start to talk and say something, I make sure that I notice that. It's these little moments we look for that are just these windows of playing. And as soon as I see them peek through the window, I'm there to kind of open the window so that they can go and explore their curiosity. Those moments of them feeling seen also helps create that safety and that connection.

14:52That's powerful. So you're helping the other teachers know these things. I mean, you're obviously quite gifted. So I'm just, I doubt everyone that wants to work with children has your instincts, but you're able to express that to the other teachers. Another great thing that we have here is that we have cameras. We don't use cameras to like, I got you doing something you're not supposed to do. I've been in environments where cameras were used that way. Instead, we use cameras as reflection, as really powerful learning opportunities. So often I will go back, if there was a moment I think would be helpful for my other safe keepers to see, I'm able to go back to that time and send it to our little group chat that we have.

15:34And we have these conversations about it. I did hire people who were already kind of on those, already looking from the child's perspective, already wanting to learn. Not to say that my safe keepers are perfect, and I'm definitely not perfect either, and I make mistakes. And those are also things that we record and I share so that they can also feel safe kind of making those mistakes. Maybe they thought the child was open to play and they tried something and they went a little too fast. That's okay. And that's something that we can all reflect on. And then there's always another opportunity to try.

16:06Yeah, because I think what a lot of people don't understand, parents or teachers or grandparents or anyone when they want to connect with a child, we have this idea that it's about, let me do something to entertain you or show you something instead of just allowing that child to show you just being quieter and more receptive and letting them show you by where they're looking, what they're interested in, and then just reflecting on that. So it's that being receptive instead of putting action out there to try to connect that I think we can so misunderstand, mostly because we underestimate little kids and babies, what they have going on inside.

16:49So instead of noticing that and wanting to help them feel seen and connect with them that way on their terms, which always works, we're putting effort out there to try to have them connect in a way that we think. And it's just, yeah, we waste a lot of energy that way, I feel. We do. And then we get frustrated when we're not connecting with them, when we're missing that connection. And yes, thank you for pointing that out, that sometimes just being still and just noticing seeing what they're noticing and responding to that is the most powerful way to connect, especially with young kids. And even think about it like how you feel like for yourself, when someone is noticing what you're thinking about too, it creates such a bridge to feeling seen that just makes you feel like, ah, this person gets me.

17:42Yeah. And I like them. It's like somebody said, like, what is charisma? It's actually when somebody is interested in you. Those are the people we think have charisma, the people that are, you know, open to and interested in other people. I remember like going on dates when I was younger, a lot younger. And you'd go out with someone that was just talking about themselves and trying to impress you. And you'd just be like, did I even exist, you know, afterwards? Like, I wasn't even there, really, like you feel like afterwards. And then there's other people that are sincerely interested in you. And those are the people you want to see again, obviously.

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20:43So you explained how it looks like when it doesn't quite work that a child still has feelings when the parent leaves. Or I was also thinking like, what if a parent needs to be somewhere on time and they can't stay and the child kind of wants them to stay and then they see other parents staying? That can be kind of hard sometimes. Right. What do you do then? I guess you probably just acknowledge what you see them noticing. Yeah. You know, this is a continuous conversation that I have with my safekeepers and also with the parents. Because it's hard on all sides, right? It's hard for the parent sometimes to leave.

21:15You see your child crying and feel the weight of that. And you're just like, I don't want to leave a crying child. And sometimes a parent might feel that it's like, okay, I'm just going to stay here until they stop crying. But the child just wants to keep them there. So, and even for the teacher, it can be some parents are staying, right? There's all these parents here. And then we have this crying child who's upset. Does this make us look bad that this child is crying? And we're not able to immediately get them to stop crying. And this is something that happens, but it's always a powerful learning opportunity conversation to have.

21:52There are going to be times where some parents can stay and some parents can't go. and they're seeing the other parent and that's going to bring up some big, big feelings and some big disappointment. And that's okay. And that's okay. This doesn't happen often, but, you know, things happen at home and there's a lot of variables here, but there's been a child crying up until all the other parents left. The child was by the door and we kind of continued life as life was. The child was really upset and clearly wanted his mom to stay. And we know the child, why the child didn't want to be physically touched or hugged or anything like that.

22:28But the child also didn't want to feel completely alone. So we had a teacher kind of over there checking in on the child and letting them know that, hey, I'm here, but also not using a lot of words. Really a lot of body language, maybe some words in the beginning, letting the child know if you need a hug, I'm here. But mostly just kind of being around the child, being available for the child. and the other teacher running the other parts of the classroom. We did a whole circle time and the child cried throughout the entire circle time. Now, during circle time, one of the children noticed, they said, so-and-so's crying.

23:07And that was a powerful moment. And we acknowledged it. We didn't say, yeah, just ignore him. Just ignore him. We said, yeah, so-and-so's having a hard time. She's feeling sad because he's really wanting his mom and he's really missing his mom. Let's all take a deep breath for so-and-so. So we all took a deep breath for the child who was having a hard time. So in this moment where the child was having a hard time and really missing mom and really experiencing disappointment, the other children were learning how to regulate themselves because, yeah, emotions are contagious and I've got to feel like there's some big emotions going over there.

23:41What can we do to help? We can breathe and we can send loving energy to the child. And not only does this help the other child, but also helps us regulate in that moment. So this child having a hard time was actual a very powerful learning experience for the child. Now, there are other parents that were around too, and they were like, I think they were hearing it and no parent actually said anything, but they got to see how we could regulate through the big emotions too. And so even in that, we are also teaching the parents on big emotions happening that we don't have to have this big reaction and yeah, how we can regulate through and how we can support a child.

24:23Now, what's all the parents left? And we said, bye bye parents. The child then went over to, I don't know, I think he went over to me and gave me a hug and regulate it and, you know, kind of regulate that way. He was able to kind of jump into the play. And then the rest of the day was normal, right? So this was a moment where now most days the children are able to say bye to their parents and they're fine. They go. There's maybe a moment of crying for like five or 10 seconds and then they're good. But this was a day that was a particularly more difficult day. And I share that story, not just the story of when everything is going great, because I also want to communicate to any early childhood professional or any parent out there that even in those hard moments, It's as long as we have a helpful mindset, as long as we have our skills and our regulation, and we're seeing it in a helpful way, that these aren't bad moments.

25:19These are powerful learning opportunities for the child and for really anyone who's around and could even be powerful learning opportunities for us. Oh my gosh. Yeah. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. I've been able to do that kind of demonstration in parent-toddler classes and parent-infant classes. And it's exactly what you said. And I'm kind of thinking like, oh, gosh, do they think I'm not doing enough to try to get this child to stop or distract them or whatever? But they see at the end that the way a child finishes when they're finally done with that, it's so peaceful. And you can almost see that they're lighter, you know, that they've offloaded something that's kind of been weighing them down and could even be a buildup from days of something, you know.

26:06stimulation or energy or feelings and just how beautiful that is. And it's really hard to explain because as human beings, we just want to do something to fix the child and make it better. It's just so in us to do that. So for people to actually get a demonstration like that is very powerful. Yeah. It gives them permission to like not do anything, you know, to really just receive it and allow it to be and allow it to be shared. Yeah. Thanks for bringing up that part, the, ooh, like, am I being judged for the way that I'm handling this? You know, this child is crying because we're not like sitting right there next to him or giving him a hug.

26:48Will they think that we're neglecting this child? And will they think that we don't give their child enough when their child is having a hard time too? And all these thoughts for me, they come and they go. I let them go because I, at this point, I'm confident in what I'm doing. So it's easier for me to let those thoughts go. But you think that's an important acknowledgement. And I think even as a parent, when you're in public, when you're parenting in public, that that's also an important thing to acknowledge. You can notice those thoughts and let them go and just know you're doing what's best for your child.