"Colin Jost"

20:28So we knew he was cool. We knew he was cool. Oh, Doctor, no, he's following. He was winking and doing the hands where he makes the curved hourglass of a woman's figure. But I think he's fine.

20:41Will Arnett:And then walking, there was no pausing in the walking. The walking was on time. I was walking so much. Walking. Walking was on time. I couldn't stop walking. Okay. All night, all through the night. It was basically, they based that horror movie this year, Weapons, on me because I would just walk out through the woods. Right. Arms out like you're flying. You know, I remember when my middle son, Abel, was, you know, he wasn't walking. He was like 13 months. He was a little bit later. And, you know, his older brother had walked before a year. So I know. So we were nervous. Not really. And I remember Amy being like, he's not walking.

21:24He's not walking. And I go, she goes, he's never going to. I go, look out on the street. Do you see people dragging themselves by their hands? Pulling themselves along the sidewalk? He's going to get it. He's going to pick it up, yeah. And then you ask people, what are you doing? I never picked up walking. It wasn't for me. I never picked it up. I never got it. In New York, there might be like 20 to 40 of those people. Well, that was just not for them. Yeah, it's just not for them. We'll be right back.

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24:52Will Arnett:And now, back to the show. All right, so I want to talk about something you're probably so sick of talking about, but I don't know anything about it, which is the Staten Island Ferry you bought with Pete Davidson. Because I've seen you tell jokes about it on the show on Saturday Night Live, and I always laugh because I kind of know the gist of it, but why and what was the plan and what's the goal and all of that? Because you paid like, you have to you still have to pay like a dollar like don't you, are you still paying for it? These are like exact questions a financial advisor asked me What is the plan?

25:24Is it just fun? Because these guys don't Jason and Will don't know, but when I was doing my research about your reading, is the journey you took an hour and a half every single day to go to school from Staten Island to Manhattan and you took the Staten Island Ferry? I took this, I actually, this one. Oh, you did? Usually it was this one, which is, again, I explained to my friends and they're like, yeah, but you also took the subway. You didn't want to buy one of those. Or a bus. But it was, it's named after JF, it was commissioned for John F. Kennedy when he, after he died. And it was usually the 7 a.m.

26:09ferry that I took because I went up to this high school called Regis High School that's up on the Upper East Side. And it's free if you get in. It's a really great school. And so most people that go don't live in Manhattan. Most people come from Brooklyn, Queens, Staten Island, Jersey, even upstate. And it was about an hour and a half every day? Yeah. I took the bus. There and back? Oh, man. Each way. Yeah. Bus, ferry, subway. How old were you? Up to the 6th. 14, I did it 14 to 18. Oh, my God. You know, it's just high school. They don't have it. But it was so, I mean, now it seems like a lot, but now everything seems like less of a trip.

26:43You know, it's like so, you know, and I was never, you know, and once you're there, you're like in Manhattan with your friends. So it was kind of, it was very fun.

26:52Will Arnett:You'd use the time for homework and whatnot? Like you wouldn't really feel the, yeah? Yeah, I never, I really never, rarely did homework at home because it was such a, you know, trip. Jason went to school on an actual bus. The school was on a bus. Which is true. On a bus. Which is true, yeah. On a bus. Is that true? Yeah, that is true. For a while. How does that work? Not well. A lot of massaging. That's also true. There's some massage. It's also true. Ask him. Please call and follow up. What is the nature? How does massaging get involved? No bus I'm ever on is like, and should we do massages?

27:23Yeah. This is one of my favorite areas. This is second only to Ernest Borgnine jerking off all over his house. Keep going, Jason, go.

27:34Will Arnett:This was an experimental school, Colin. A friend of my father's started one of these things in his home out in Calabasas. And it was called Heartlight, one word. Heartlight, like L-I-G-H-T, light? That's right. And there were, because Calabasas is, as you know, you're familiar with the city here. It's a great deal of traffic, about another hour and a half, just like yours, from Calabasas into the city. And so there were city days and country days. City days, we'd go in and see the museums. Oh, my God. And so they thought a good way to take advantage of that traffic time is to run classes in the back of this bus, you know, because they were an incredibly progressive group.

28:20Will Arnett:And so we did that. There'd be some motion sickness. And then on the country days, that's when we'd get into all the fun electives like massage, teepee building. It wasn't an accredited school. Colin, I don't want to paint an accurate picture here. I've never seen Will laugh harder. It's funny. It was fun. I love Jakey Bates so much. And I paid for it. Out of my own pocket, I was forced to pay for the school. And not like regular bus fare, like school fair no no I did do some bus riding do the massages extra and did you tip do the did they pay you it depends if I'm giving or receiving on that on Tuesdays and Thursdays was the massaging so Colin what a great it sounds like such a great idea concept like well might as well use the journey for the school sure by the way that part makes kind of sense in that way right like that yeah you'll have to applaud them for the idea but and then you're sitting so long on the bus you gotta provide massages it starts getting away from it pretty quick the donut they had to give each kid to sit on you know there's so much class time on the bus it's not great anyway Kyle Lynn so anyway so I texted Pete which is the wrong person to text with when you have an idea like this and I was like should we buy this right because he's gonna say yes The city was auctioning it.

29:59And he was, yeah, he was immediately, he was like, fuck yeah, we got to do this. So, and I texted my dad, who's a teacher on Staten Island. And he literally was like, did you do your homework? Which is such a teacher thing to say. And I was like, dad, I'm just sort of texting you as a formality. I already bought the boat. And then I texted Scarlett like, guess what? We own a ferry now. And she was like, we. Did it stay in operation? It was an operation until they, there was a new boat that came in. And the new boat cost like$300 million to build. So I was like, I'm getting an old one for only$280 ,000.

30:39Right. This is a deal.

30:40Will Arnett:That's all the ferry cost was$280 ,000? Yeah. And I thought as a real, I was thinking in a real estate way, if you put it somewhere, it's 70 ,000 square feet. Oh my gosh. So I was like, if you put that on a dock in Manhattan, you've suddenly got basically a building on the waterfront. Party space. Was that the pitch to Scarlett? That could be a school. That could be like three schools. That could be a great school. Kindergarten, elementary school, and high school. Did you ever explore that opportunity? Like you could actually park it there on the East River and kind of have yourself a little, not a little, a house right there on the water.

31:18Yes, we are in the process of doing that. And it's a long process because all the waterfront stuff is just there's environmental. So we're in that process, and I think we're actually getting close to that process having a dedicated spot.

31:33Will Arnett:Oh, wow. Yes, which I joke about it a lot, but it is – and we've done some events on it where we really have already made back the money we've invested and the money we've spent on stuff to dock it and all that. So it's very misreported that it is some sort of crazy money pit. Hey, man, I'm not your dad. I'm not your dad. You don't have to prove it. It's going to be fine. Wait, wait. Is this a good financial sign where you're like, it's fine? It's fine. What's going to be? What's a home run? What's the goal with it? What's its part there? I think the goal, a home run for me is like it's a thing that could be used for an event space but also has like an everyday purpose of like two versions of it to me are like it could be an operating entertainment club, like a place where you can go, you can have parties or there's regular parties on it.

32:26Bottle service or whatever. And then I grew up in Staten Island. I went to this place called the Great Kill Swim Club that was like a swim club where people would just go and the kids could all hang out, the adults could hang out. And I could imagine creating a place like that that's not like a weird fancy members club, but it's actually more like middle class in Manhattan. You can just pay as you go. You can go pay to use it. Yeah, and you play it. And like there's a pool on the top and a diving board off the top. And you have these crazy views.

32:55Will Arnett:Sure, you can just dive into the East River and enjoy yourself. Really enjoy yourself. Really swept down the sea. Are you really pitching a swim club on the East River? Yes, but a pool on the roof deck. But the pool. Diving board into the pool, not into the river. It's like a cruise ship that doesn't leave. A cruise ship that doesn't leave, but for families. And it would be actually a great, like people would spend summers there. And then it's also movable. So then half the year would be Miami. and it would be, you'd have that in the winter when it's cold here and you'd have summer there and I think it could be a great thing.

33:24And then you move it to Miami. Now I'm seeing that Carmela Soprano in you. This is your picture. Then we go to Miami, we take over the high lie racket. Oh my God. I gotta say, I'm kind of sold on this, Colin. You kind of got me a little bit. And then you'd have weddings and, like people already want to rent it out and we, which we, we will do, we've done it a couple of times, but we'll do it when we have a permanent spot. It just makes the economics way better. Yeah. And this is all about economics, ultimately. Sure. And then you registered in Liberia?

33:59Yes, we're very open to pirates, if anyone wants to know. I can't wait. I'm going to approach it on a Zodiac with a mouthful of cat. Q-A-T. I feel like the cat usage has fallen. Have you been doing any recently? I feel like we've not. What is cat? What is cat, Will? It's like a plant you chew that has like almost a combo of cocaine and hallucinogenic. The thing I read about it that it makes you, the phrase I read was it makes you immune to atrocities, which is such a great description. I think they use it a lot. There was a lot of usage of it sort of in the foreign of Africa, right? Am I right about that?

34:39And so they accused a lot of these pirates who would go and commit piracy of chewing on it. and it makes, yeah, it makes you just do crazy shit. It's an appetite suppressant as well. It could give you, it's like a, you know,

34:52Will Arnett:this sounds like a fucking silver bullet. Where does one, do you need to be on the southern tip of Africa to find it? No, up in, like up near sort of Somalia, Ethiopia, up in there. Oh, good, so it's closer. Yeah, Eritrea, yeah, like right on the, it's very private. You see these huge bushels of it. It's terrific. I got a guy. I'll get you a number. Are you on WhatsApp? All right. Colin, first question for our guest today. Wait, Colin, let me take it. So, Colin, you go to this school. You go to this great school because you're really smart, clearly. Well, no. Well, say the school is Harvard. No, I'm talking about the school he went to.

35:36Oh, that one. Oh, sorry. For Regis. Yeah, yeah. From there, you get into Harvard evidently based on your academic merits. I'm guessing as opposed to what do you mean I'm not a traditional athlete I'm not a D1 athlete maybe you're great in your mind well you don't have a name on a building is what I'm saying that's true yeah not even on my own ferry right so at Harvard go ahead Will no no I was going to say you go take it over to Harvard no no no I was just going to say you know you got involved with Lampoon right yeah yeah and then you wrote 80 pieces before you got one accepted. What's so funny?

36:18Yeah, trying out. Tell me. There was a time, Colin, five years ago where Sean got nominated for Best Interviewer

36:28Will Arnett:on any podcast anywhere. You think the fall-up for Cat was deep. The fall-up for him and his questions has been... And since that nomination, he's gotten tight and he can't spit it out. No. No, you be quiet. No, because I wrote down a bunch of stuff that I actually want to know. I know you did, baby girl. Give him your best one. Take some time. Find the best one in there and you give it to him. 80 sketches, none of them picked up, right? I would stop it too. 80 failures. But I would stop it too. How did you get involved in Lampoon? Oh, that's so much better. I didn't know about it. Did you guys have any awareness?

37:15Like, had you ever heard of it? I mean, I had heard of the National Lampoon. Yeah, I mean, but I didn't know what it meant. I didn't understand what it was until I started knowing some of those SNL guys who'd come out of it. Right?

37:26Will Arnett:So for Tracy, it is literally a magazine there at the school. Yeah, it's just a magazine that has been there. It's actually the 150th anniversary is coming up in like a week. Wow. were going back like a bunch of like conan and a bunch of people are all going to go back and for this thing which um it but it just was like a student magazine and and then like a precursor to like kind of like something like the onion or even like mad magazine right something like that yeah yeah and they started people from there started like spy magazine back in the day which i never remember that but that was and and they started they did like lampoon magazines and yearbooks and stuff.

38:09Spy Magazine was, I remember it in New York in the 90s, Spy Magazine was phenomenal. Yeah, I loved it. It was so good. And there were so many people, you mentioned Conan, so many incredible comedy minds, sort of big sort of icons of comedy, you included have come out of the Lampoon. A lot of people, it was like back in the day, it was a lot of writers, like literary writers, you know, like John Updike and George Plimpton and George Santayana and all these people. And also business people. William Randolph Hearst was a member. There's a business board. So he helped fund the building that's there, like this Lampoon Castle.

38:50And he and Isabella Stewart Gardner, who has the museum in Boston, she collected a lot of stuff that went to that museum on the same trip with him. And a lot of the stuff he got went to the Lampoon, which is pretty cool. And it's a bit of a feeder

39:02Will Arnett:for SNL too, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. So like around the seventies, eighties, a lot of it was this guy, Jim Downey, who I'm sure you guys have met through these, but he, he went to SNL in the, he was a writer the first year at SNL of SNL. And, and then after that, people kind of saw that you could write in comedy instead of necessarily only writing novels. And, and then people started getting into it there. But I didn't know, so I didn't know, have any awareness of it when I went, like I went to school for economics, weirdly, and I didn't have any idea that there was like a humor magazine or anything like that.

39:40And I'd always done comedy things, but you didn't know it was really a job. You just did it with your friends. It wasn't a destination for you to get into comedy necessarily. It just didn't, yeah, I didn't know you could really. Like it didn't seem like a real thing. And so that was the first place where I went and people just were really funny and I wanted to hang out there. And then I started learning that people would graduate and go apply and work at different shows. And so did you just apply for SNL? How did that happen? Yeah, you just cold submitted. I actually submitted a packet. Yeah. And then it was just the wrong time of year.

40:13I submitted it and so no one read it. No agent, no nothing. You just did it yourself. No. You mailed it in yourself. No, no agent, nothing. And I submitted and no one looked at it because it was the wrong time of year. And then the next time, you know, it was like the next summer. and then I ran into someone who was, who had been in the Lampoon, who was like, I heard it's, you have to submit in the summer in like June or July, whatever the deadline was. And so I put together another packet and submitted it then. And I was, you know, I was just lucky there was a ton of turnover. I wrote like six sketches and there was a bunch of writers that left.

40:51And then I got, like Tina was one of the head writers, Harper Steele, and they liked something that was in there and brought me into interview and then I interviewed with Lorne, which was insane. And then just was very lucky that there was an extra spot. And I was probably the last person hired and I got hired with Samberg and Sudeikis and Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig and then the Lonely Island guys, Yorma and Akiva and a guy, Brian Tucker, who came from Seattle. Yeah, Tucker. And Sudeikis was just hired as a writer first for that first year. Yeah, yeah, that was, he just started, he had just got hired into the cast when I started.

41:31So that was the eight of us that all started. And how old were you when you started? 22.

41:37Will Arnett:And so, well, so you go into school to study economics. Was there ever a thought that there would be a career in economics? Or was it just, I gotta declare a major and let's have it be this? I think it was, I thought I could maybe work. I mean, I interned at like Merrill Lynch when I was in high school. Wow. And I just thought that was – in Staten Island, like there were certain – all my family was firefighters. Like my whole mom – like my mom was in the fire department, my grandpa, my great-grandpa. So that was like a clear path I knew. And then from Staten Island, like people would go take the ferry to Wall Street.

42:14There were people that worked in finance. And then obviously there was a – I knew about being a doctor or being a lawyer. Like those were the kind of jobs that I understood. And so I sort of thought I would do something in that range. Like I would do work in finance or I would try to be a doctor someday or try to be a lawyer.

42:30Will Arnett:And then so then you start to get the kind of this be in your bonnet for comedy. Did you like talk to me about the calculation you were making at your so you're sitting at Harvard where you really whatever field you decide to study and get your diploma in, get your degree in. And you've got a pretty good sort of base salary to assume there. And so like picking what you're going to get your degree in is kind of you're declaring what your life is going to be. And it's going to be going to be pretty good. And so you're thinking comedy, economics, or I can study this. At what point were you kind of like all in?

43:12Will Arnett:It's going to be going to go into comedy writing. Or did you mitigate that risk by minoring in something else? Like, just walk me through that. I, you know, my parents definitely were worried, you know, just once I was going down a comedy path. I mean, when I was there, I switched. So I switched from economics to when I declare, I declare I was going to be in economics. But then when you actually had to declare, I studied Russian literature. Like I went. That's lucrative. I was reading a bunch of books. And so I was like, and then at some point I had to learn Russian. I had to live in St. Petersburg for a summer.

43:50And I was going down that path. Let's pause there for one second.

43:54Will Arnett:Why Russian literature? What was super interesting? Are you a Russian asset? I wish. You're just a great cover. I'm open to it. Are they asking? I just like the books. I just liked reading. I read in high school. I read some Nabokov and Tolstoy and Dostoevsky books in senior year. I liked them, so I wanted to read more. and then it just kept going down that line. Like I didn't have a plan for it. I certainly wasn't assuming it was going to be a career. Right. Can you speak Russian? I was, yeah, fluent in Russian. Wow. That's crazy. That's awesome. Okay. All right. So then I realized, I guess, when I was at the Lampoon that most of the things I did in my life leading up to that were kind of comedy versions of what I did.

44:46Like I ran the school newspaper, but I did the comedy, you know, wrote comedy for it rather than like regular news. I was working at a newspaper, but I mostly wanted to write comedy there. I performed in plays and musicals, but I really only cared about the comedy part of it, not the serious part of it. I did speech and debate, but I only did funny like oratories that I wrote that were kind of versions of comedy or performed funny things and didn't do any, you know. So I just, I started realizing that that was probably where my interest was even if I was doing it in these other ways and that there's not really a funny version of finance.

45:24Right. Again, along with the batements, it's not, yeah. Unless you buy a Staten Island Fair. Yes, then it is.

45:30Will Arnett:There's certainly some more predictable financial security in the lane of economics as opposed to the world of comedy. You're talking about it, you're talking about it like taking, making the bet on it and going all in. Yeah. Yeah, I did. I just did. I didn't have another plan. And I didn't, I honestly don't know that I could have imagined then going to law school or after that. I think I just decided that whatever version of it, it was going to end up being, I was going to enjoy being around people that were funny and doing things that I tried things that were funny. And regardless of the lifestyle didn't necessarily matter.

46:11It's so great.

46:12Will Arnett:I mean, I'm sorry. A reason I keep hammering on this is because, you know, I've got a daughter that's in her first year of college. And even my youngest, the 14-year-old, she's, you know, they're both sort of like, you know, as kids do, wondering about, you know, am I doing the things that I should be doing to set myself up for the best possible, you know, life? Am I making the right decisions? And I keep saying, well, as long as you're pointed at something, a lot of opportunity comes your way. And so you're going to see some forks in the road that might not necessarily be, you know, the lane you're on right now.

46:43Will Arnett:And that's good. That's okay. But you're not going to find those forks unless you're driven in some direction on something. It doesn't matter what that is. And so I guess you're sort of a great example of that, that you're driving towards economics and you found comedy. Yeah, and for her too, like, I mean, I think the peer element of it is so important to me. You know, you find people that are serious about something, even if it's comedy, and are really driven or really, you know, and then you learn from them, you're competitive in a healthy way with them, you're, you know, you're hearing about opportunities from them eventually, you know, like when you're trying to do things.

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50:05Will Arnett:All right, back to the show. So you go to SNL that year that you mentioned with all those dudes. How long was it before you got the update share? Yeah, did you go with the intention of wanting to do update, or did it just happen? No, no, no. I wouldn't have conceived of that. You know, Colin, I called you in here because I think you're ready. What? Was it kind of like that? He did call me, yes. I didn't even know why he was calling me in. And he's like, so you think you could do update? Like asking me. Yeah. Meanwhile, you had only been a writer on the show for a year or two or three? No, no. I'd been there for a long time.

50:52I was probably there eight years or something, seven or eight years. That's what I was getting at, yeah. Not on camera. So I got SNL. I would have been happy to have any job in comedy, right? Like I applied everywhere that had a job. I wrote an Arrested Development spec script when I was going out.

51:13Will Arnett:I feel like you told me this once. Maybe I did. Maybe I did tell you. Yeah. That sounds familiar. Oh, my God. I want to read that. What was Job's story? Sorry. It doesn't matter. Was Job A story or B story? It doesn't matter. Who cares? I'm pretty sure he was in it. Yeah, Joe, we're going to have a real Joe about the story. So even though you were done— Can I tell you the one thing I remember about it now, which is that it was for George Michael was self-conscious and wanted to lose weight. And so he tried joining what he saw was a recreation society, but it was a recreation society. And he got cast as Ben Franklin and so ended up gaining a bunch of weight.

51:57That's really funny. That's a great bit. So dumb. Oh, my God. Mitch Hurwitz would have loved that. That's a great bit. So I wrote Apply to All These Places, and I was very lucky to get hired SNL, and I felt like then I just wanted to be good at that and figure it out and enjoy it. I loved it. No on-camera aspirations. No. I mean, but I had performing aspirations. I just didn't think of it always as SNL-related. Like I did stand-up. So while that time, I'm doing stand-up in New York. Oh, you are? Okay. Yeah, while I'm writing, I would go after when there's nights that you could get out and I would go do stand-up like three or four times.

52:38Like at the cellar or whatever. Did you ever, were there ever any summer, like end of seasons of SNL, and you can be as honest as you want to be, where you were like, you know what, I'm going to move. I'm going to leave. I want to do something else. Like, did you ever have one of those moments in those eight years before you got the update chair? Yes. Not like not because there was sort of a little bit of a like, you know, I had a journey as a writer there where I got promoted to like a writing supervisor and then I got promoted to be head writer. And that was like a real honor that I love the idea of getting to do that someday.

53:13So that was that was really important to me. And I felt excited about that. It was I found it to be a really nightmarish job in a lot of ways. Because you're suddenly doing the same job you're doing, but you're also having to manage everyone you're working with. And that was a very weird period of time for me. Because it also coincided with getting Update. Like it almost exactly coincided. No, oh really? Yeah, it was like maybe a year or half a year that I was a head writer and then got Update. Oh, fuck. But as I was there for a little longer, I did like performing. I did like doing stand-up. And honestly, I wanted to do some version of acting, not necessarily acting like in a serious way, but performing in some way in a comedy way.

53:59Yeah. And I thought I've done this as a writer now. I thought maybe after a few years of being head writer, maybe there would just be something else I'd want to do or create a show as a writer or do something different. And then got this opportunity to do update. and then it was, it kind of went so badly at first for a while that I then thought I was going to lose both jobs, that I was going to be so bad at update that I was also not going to be a writer. Why did it go bad? What do you mean? It just was, I mean, I think Seth was leaving. He was, you know, very loved doing the job. You know, I came in, I started with Cecily Strong.

54:39We only, we did like six episodes together. That's it at the end of the year. Yeah. And, you know, I think I just wasn't very good at it. It's a hard thing to come in and do. And I think I was, like, really nervous, and I probably smiled or laughed in a way that made people think I was kind of cocky about it when I actually felt very much at sea and panicking. People were giving me all kinds of advice that was contradictory, and I didn't know how to do it. And then basically in the summer, I got told after those six episodes, I got told, like, you might get to audition for it. And I was like, which seems like a bad sign to audition for the job you currently have.

55:22And then they tried me with different combinations of people also. So, like, I did an audition with Leslie Jones. I did an audition with Vanessa Bear. I did an audition with Chris Kelly, who's a really funny writer at our show. And I auditioned with Che, who I knew from stand-up from before he came to SNL as a writer. And, you know, I loved the idea of getting to do with him because he's really funny, but I had no idea what, you know, what they were going to go with. And they also brought in Anthony Jeselnik just to audition on his own, like just to go in a totally different direction, bring someone else in.

56:00No shit. And I'm sure he would have been very funny at it. And then they did these auditions and then I didn't even know what was happening. And suddenly, so I was involved in all these processes of cast and hiring. And then suddenly, I was completely cut off, really, from, like, all my friends for periods of time where everyone was probably nervous for me or didn't know whether I should do the job genuinely. Like, not that they were being bad friends, just probably were like, I don't know if he's right for it. And then they picked me and Shay. And then for, like, the first two years at least, we thought we were going to get fired every summer.

56:37Like we were put on suspension kind of or put on extension and we didn't know whether we were going to get it or not. And then something sort of just started clicking. Really just we gave – Lorne, we were lucky that he gave us enough time to start figuring it out. And then it started feeling okay and then it started feeling better and not like a huge existential crisis. It's so fun to watch it guys do that. Yeah, you guys have such a great dynamic. You're so good at it. One of the funniest things I've ever seen was, and I couldn't believe I was watching it, and I can't believe it happened, which is Michael told the audience before you showed up to not laugh at one joke you said.

57:20And that was the joke. And I'm watching it going, oh, my God. This is horrible to watch. Like, did you, what was going through your head? Oh, I was like, it's all over. It's all, truly. I mean, it's genius. It was so perfect. It was so perfect because I changed a joke between dress and air early on. And so he had told, he met, by the way, this is the most proactive Che has ever been about anything. He went and met with the audience before they loaded in, like looked them in the eyes and were like, listen, you're not laughing. I don't care. You do not laugh at anything Colin says. This is while they're still downstairs?

57:59This is while I'm waiting. Yeah, they're still waiting downstairs to get loaded in. and he goes down, meets them, tells them this. That is so, I remember watching it. I couldn't believe it. And then, so I changed one joke early on between dress and air. And so at air, it bombs. And in my head, I'm like, oh, I shouldn't have taken that swing. But it's perfect because I don't, I could still believe it's, you know. Then he goes and he crushes. He kills. He does two jokes, crushes. Which is so great. Then it comes back to me. Yeah. And I tell the next one, which worked really well at Dress, and it bombs.

58:35And I'm like, oh, my God. Because at first I was like, oh, maybe it's a bad crowd. Then he crushes. So I'm like, oh, no. Meanwhile, he keeps looking at you like, oh, boy. Yeah, just not leading. And then the fourth joke bombs. And I'm truly thinking like my career is over. Like something's, it's a turned, I'm never getting it back, it's over. and someone in the, he had a plant in the audience that he had yell out, you stink. So simple, so simple, so dumb. So good. John Higgins, he just goes, you stink. Like old timey heckling. Not you suck, you stink. You bum, you're a bum. And I heard that and I was like in full, you can tell if you look at it, in shock.

59:23And then Shay's like, dude, I gotta tell you, I told him not to laugh at anything. And I was like, you motherfucker. Yeah, it's so good. Is this live?

59:34Will Arnett:Is this on an episode? Yes, live. What a great big play. You can YouTube it. It is so horrifying. Now you know and you'll look and you'll be like, and it's... Your face is... I was genuinely traumatized for like two more shows. Because then the next show back, I didn't know what to... I didn't know what was coming. Did you immediately start thinking about payback? Of course. Are you a prankster? Of course. By the way, did Che run it by Lorne? No, he just did it. He went rogue. He did, and I think basically Lorne talked him into eventually telling me versus never telling me. Right, right, right, right.

1:00:10Which made it much better, actually, that he did tell me and otherwise would have been perhaps. No, it's better to get your reaction on camera and see it dawn on you. I mean, but it's amazing. That's amazing. And now what I love, Colin, is you're appearing more and more as Pete Hegseth, which is so good. It's so good. It's such a gift. But does any part of you get nervous about, you know, doing that at all? Well, on a couple levels. I mean, first of all, I get nervous even within an SNL world because it's suddenly a new thing and a new rhythm. Like, even though I've been there for so long, coming out in the cold open is its own weird feeling.

1:00:52Yeah, but dude, you're so good at it.

1:00:55Will Arnett:You don't have to admit to this, but you've got to privately just be like so excited to go out there and show off a little bit because you're so goddamn good at what you do. Whether you're doing the update or doing Hegseth. I mean, it's just, you've got to be, I'd love to see more doing your thing. I think it's one of my favorite politician impressions. Yeah, yeah. It's really funny. That I can remember in the long, and I'm not just saying that because you're here. It's so good. Yeah. But there is also the added, because, I mean, obviously he's the Secretary of War.

1:01:32And officially, right? That's official that was passed by him.

1:01:35Will Arnett:It's the only country in the world where we call that department the Department of War as opposed to Department of Defense. I think it's fun that we've now let, like, they're obviously letting school kids just name departments. Is that what's going on? They're just taking letters. Yeah, war. You can tell the generals are just like, oh, God. Yeah. But is there, to Sean's question, like, is there another layer of trepidation? Has there been, as much as you're comfortable telling us, has there been pushback in a weird way? I don't, I mean, I'm definitely like a little nervous about, I kind of just think it's not, it's such, in the scheme of things, like, probably, I hope, barely on his radar.

1:02:18Like, it really does feel like there should be bigger issues.

1:02:21Will Arnett:But there's so much satire on SNL politically, always has been. So, like, how is this going to make any big, huge wave? People are conditioned to look for satire politically on that show. I don't know if this guy could end up having a big night. He's got a couple cocktails under his belt and he might start calling you. There could be some vindictiveness. Guess what? I'll bet he loves it. I'll bet he loves it, yeah. The first time I did it, my brother, I have a younger brother, and my younger brother was like, it's just so great that America finally gets to see the real you. Well, that's what I was going to ask.

1:02:55Will Arnett:It's like, so like, you know, would you like to do more? I would love to see you do more acting, whether it be on SNL or not. Is there, do you think you'd ever carve out some time to do more of that? Well, you've got a movie coming up. I would love it. I did this movie with Nate Bergetzi, who I love. Called The Breadwinner. Breadwinner that's coming out May 29th. Yay. Is what I'm told. And I think I have a fun part. Like, Nate's basically forced to be a stay-at-home dad because his wife goes on Shark Tank and gets a lot of traction. And the Shark Tank scene is so funny. It's so, so funny. And the Sharks basically make Nate agree to be a stay-at-home dad, so his wife, on camera.

1:03:41And I'm the only other stay-at-home dad in the neighborhood, and I'm really scared he's taking over my territory. And he's like a really funny dad that comes in. And I loved the script, and he sent it to, you know, I was, I never think people really think of me for things, so I was very grateful that they thought of me for it. And it was really fun to do. And I got to say, getting to perform not live is even more liberating because you can just take swings and, you know, I never get a second chance at things. It's so misleading.

1:04:17Will Arnett:If you could wiggle your nose and have full success come as a writer or as an actor, let's say in the next five or 10 years, like let's say go the route of like, you know, let's say Will Ferrell or go the route of like Mike Schur. It's tough, right? Yeah, good options. I mean, I would really love to get to perform in something outside, you know, a thing that's my own voice and get to create. I mean, you know it well. Like, you know, that would be really satisfying. I think that would be really fun. You're saying do both in the same project? Yeah, maybe. I mean, I don't need to be. I would rather get to perform.

1:05:03Yeah. But I would obviously be involved in some way. I don't think I would not be able to, but I would like to figure out an idea, maybe ideally both, where it's a world that's from my own mind too. I would love that.

1:05:17Will Arnett:And to think we almost lost you to Bear Stearns or something like that. Yeah. We'd be doing so much better. I could be long retired, really. Exactly. But what about you also? If you got a Bear Stearns, it would have been a disaster. Oh, yeah. You could have become Dandies, you know. Oh, the great Dandies. The great Dandies. Colin, you also do Pop Culture Jeopardy, which is fantastic. Wait, is that the one that's on Netflix? Yes. Yeah. Okay. That's coming out on Netflix on May 11th. Season two, right? Yeah, season two. Yeah, it's really fun. I cannot believe the level of knowledge that these teams have about pop culture.

1:05:59It's really scary. Well, I have a surprise for these guys, which is a clip, if Bennett can play it or Rob can play it. We don't think we've ever run a clip before. We've never done a clip. Let's go to the clip. Oh, my God. In the category of So Help Me Pod, the Smartless podcast is hosted by this trio of funny guys. Anna Marie. Who is Sean Hayes? That is one. Alex? Who is Eric McCormick? Oh, Jesus Christ. Steve. Who is Will Arnett? That is the second. And Ashley. Who is Fred Armisen? Fuck. That is a person, but no. Justin? With Hayes. I'm sorry. This is hurtful. The one we were missing? Jason Bateman.

1:06:44But the other two are going to be very happy to throw it in Jason's face.

1:06:48Will Arnett:Got it. It's going to hurt in the renegotiations, but thanks for running the clip. So let's go first reactions. Let's go around the horn. We'll start with you, Jason. I thought that was so great. Hey, you know what? That Jason of Bateman's starting to look pretty good, huh? Yeah. Nice. Bold doesn't sound so bad. So this was not the tournament of champions, I guess. These weren't the world beaters. No, these were the most knowledgeable. Come on. Wow. I think I was the only answer wrong in that whole game. Jesus, that cuts deep. Which you never see. The point is, but the point is, breadwinner, celebrity, SNL, like all of it, you have so much going on and you have kids and you have Scarlett and you have like just a whole, I mean, you have a ton of stuff going on.

1:07:34It's unbelievable. Yeah, you're really, You're kicking into high gear right now, and it's fun to watch, man. It's really fun to watch. It's fun. I love watching UNS.

1:07:41Will Arnett:And he knows how to swing a golf club on top of it all. Yeah, I know. We've threatened to play. Let's do it. Maybe this summer you'll be out a little bit and we'll do it. Yeah. I love it. We're going to be on Long Island. JP, come on out. Do you ever go to do the Tahoe event or anything like that? No, I'm not into the fucking rock and roll with the boats on the fairway. Fucking what? Well, now he's never going. but I just I mean what's happening unplug the speakers and let's play and let's play and let's play and let's play and let's play and let's play I just I don't understand how it's just we did we've done we've done a couple of them before we did we did the Pebble Beach back in the day no that's a tournament that must have been fun right we did that and we did we've done Genesis a few times and oh yeah because in LA that's fun yeah it's in LA but let's start our own golf tournament you guys Yeah, let's do that.

1:08:33You know? What do you say? Yeah, just the three of us. Golf tournament?

1:08:36Will Arnett:Yeah, we'll play nines. Out on Long Island? You know? I'm in. Keep it real? I'm in. We've taken up so much of your time, Colin. So much. We could talk forever to this guy. This is unbelievable. Yeah, Colin. I can stay. I have, like, a lot of time. Oh, that's cool. No problem. Don't even feel like you've got to wrap it up. I've got to go. I'm going to have dinner with Tommy Hilfiger right now. That's a true story. Talk to him. He did an event. Tommy Hilfiger did an event on our Staten Island ferry. We're going to talk to them right now. What I'm going to say is we drag it out to Sag Harbor for the summer.

1:09:07Yes, please. Right? Let's start talking about that. That's what every neighbor wants to look up and see an orange vessel. All those billionaires, they're not going to be mad at that. No, they love it.

1:09:17Will Arnett:It's fun. It's kitschy. Colin, thank you for being here. Your pleasure as usual. Thank you for bringing me in, Sean. Yeah. Sean, I'm sorry that we were abusive towards you and your question. Oh, please. Did you get to, did you, were you able to ask our guests the things you wanted to ask? There's some other thing. There's many other things, but that's okay. We'll get it next time. I'm sorry, Sean. That's all right. Will brings out the worst in me. That's the worst in me. Sorry. It's Will's fault. Okay. Well, get back to work, Colin. I know you have a lot of work there with it, especially cleaning up that asbestos above your head.

1:09:51Yeah. Because I can still see it. That's amazing. I'll let you know what I find. Thank you, my friend. Thank you guys very much. And I would love to play this summer if you guys want to play anytime. I'm going to hit you up. We're going to finally do it. Yes, please. We're going to finally do it. Bye, guys. Bye, buddy. Bye, Colin Jost. Good to see you. I'm waving like that's going to register. It's going to register. Audio.

1:10:10Will Arnett:Audio wave. Audio wave. Audio wave. Thanks, dude. Sean, what a great guest. What a lovely man and a funny, funny talent. I really like Colin. He's such a funny guy. I really, every time I'm with him, he's just like easy. Well, but isn't it amazing? He's the longest, I don't know if you heard in the intro, the longest, what am I saying, of Weekend Update, the guy who's been there the longest, of anybody. Longest tenure? Yeah, a host or something. Did you not sleep last night? What happened? I'm still catching up. Is your CPAP hose clogged? Just purge your hose. Isn't that wild, though, to just be, to know, like he just submitted to SNL.

1:10:57He's so good. And Jay, too. And Michael J. Who am I? Don't know. Yeah, Michael J. He's hilarious. Hilarious. Those guys are so funny.

1:11:03Will Arnett:Yeah. Wait, what was the joke somebody reminded me of that they did this last weekend? They played like a clip of Trump saying, you know, look, we're holding all the cards. And then they come back to calling. He's like, they're literally holding a straight. Yes, I saw that. Yeah. Yeah, I thought that was funny. It's a pun. It was a pun. It's a pun, you know? Guys, there's, you know, There's a lot of purchases we've all made in our life. What started out as this... Some are good buys and some are bad buys? Bye. Okay, so okay. But we're going to back into it. No, you finish it. Well, why don't you give it a little bit of a head, like talk about the fairy, and then in the middle talk about sometimes there's good purchases.

1:11:49Yeah, I mean, yeah, the Staten Island. What an interesting thing to learn about that, what drew him to buy that Staten Island Fair when he was a kid.

1:11:57Will Arnett:You spent it right there. You can't say buy until the end. So still rolling. Okay. It was an interesting thing that he purchased that Staten Island Fair with Pete Davidson because he took it when he was a kid to go to school. Yeah. And we've all kind of made interesting purchases. Some are good, some are bad, but that started out as a seemingly bad purchase, but in the end it was a good... I know what he's getting. Bye. Bye. I like this goodbye. That's really long. I got to take a leak so fucking bad. Okay, love you. Think of me when you hold it. Smart. Less.

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