“Conan O’Brien: LIVE in Boston”

24:53I will... I... You know, it's called a volume business. So you guys are all out doing... That doesn't mean you have to yell, but yeah. Okay. It's called a volume business. And so I did like four or five shows a week for 28 years. And what happens sometimes is that you're, yeah. You're waiting for the applause again? No, no, no. People are - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. People are - Wait, 28 years? 28 years, yeah. We did 4 ,600 shows, and you know what? I'm told seven are quite good. But - That's so impressive. Yeah, it is incredible. It's incredible. But the thing is, of course there's a part where it's a night where, I mean, one of my favorite stories ever is the hilarious, one of the funniest people that you will all attest is one of the funniest people ever is Mr.

25:46Martin Short. Martin Short is just... The best. A treasure. He is one of, maybe all of us, I think, when he's around, we all like, we like, okay, okay, it's Martin Short. So there was a night many years ago where I'm, and I've been doing this for years and years and I'm slogging through, and unlike tonight, you know, let's say because you're doing so many shows and you're doing three guests a night, sometimes there's a guest on who maybe you don't want to talk to, but you have to, and it's 1.20 in the morning, and they're here, and you might as well deal with it. Definitely pointed at you. Definitely was a point at you.

26:25No, no, no, no. But what happened was... There it is, see? So Martin Short was the first guest. Destroys. Hilarious. Then he moves down the couch, and he's right where you are, and I'm sitting here, and the next guest comes, and I'm not being mean or anything. I honestly don't remember who it was. It was an actress who had been modeling, but now she was transitioning into acting. Wow, what a story. Yeah, and her publicists had said, like, make sure you get that and that she's transitioning now into acting because we're moving to the next phase. I love that you don't want to say who it is, but yet we can Google Conan O 'Brien, Marty Short.

27:00There's probably three choices. Yeah, but this means I have it both ways. I'm a nice guy. Right. But fuck whoever that is. No, anyway. So, no. So anyway, I'm sitting in the chair. This person comes out, they sit next to me, and Martin Short's right where you are. And I'm getting through the interview, and then I see that question, and it's just an awkward, lame question, but I gotta do my job. And I'm like, that's a moment where I thought, I really wish I wasn't here, so I went. So anyway, yeah, this is, that's great. That's a funny story. You know, I'm curious. You were a model, and you modeled for a long time.

27:38And now you're transitioning to acting. Which one do you prefer? Do you prefer the modeling or the acting? And she paused before she answered and Marty's right where Will is and leans forward so that only I can see him, not the audience and goes.

27:58Big shit, I'll do this because it's radio or audio or podcast, I said, give a big, I can't wait to hear. I'm hanging on every word. So I start to laugh, but I'm biting on the side of my mouth, and she's saying, well, you know, it's tricky. I love modeling, but also acting. But then there's acting, but then there's modeling. And he's going, ooh. The whole time, and I'm losing it, and I'm biting so hard that I'm bleeding in my mouth. And then I go like, well, anyway, it was really good talking to you. It was really good talking to you. Thank you very much. We'll take a break, we'll be right back." Band plays and I get up and I walk around the couch and Marty's sitting there acting like he had done nothing.

28:43And I leaned in and said into his ear while the band's playing, I'm just trying to make a living, you fucking asshole. Yeah. And he and I talk about that all the time. Like, you know, he took a moment that was like, oh shit, this is a job to, that's one of my favorite things that's ever happened. But with somebody like Martin Short, you don't have to stick to the pre-sort of deter... Because for Tracy, when... Yeah, let's hear it for Tracy. We are, just as a quick sideline, we are going to see Tracy soon, aren't we? Yeah, we're going to see Tracy next week. We're really excited. We're going to see Tracy.

29:26And for those who don't know, Tracy is Sean's sister who doesn't know a lot about the business, and so we always have to do an aside. Wait, now we're doing for people who don't know who Tracy is. He's got so fucking mad at him. Wow, so anyway. So you usually, you don't predetermine how the interview is going to go, but you talk with somebody who works for the talk show host and you kind of say, well, what subjects are you comfortable talking about? And you kind of work out where an interview could go, what the questions might be, what the answers might be. That's sort of like a fail-safe if somebody doesn't know how to have a conversation.

30:01What do you say the ratio is between guests that stick to the questions because of their comfort level or lack of conversation skills, and those you can just kind of freestyle like Marty? People that freestyle are rare. Super rare. And you know what's interesting? Absolutely true. I've noticed this over all these years of doing this, which is that there's something about the United Kingdom. There's something about guests that have come from that environment. they are raconteurs. They tell a story. And I swear to God, years and years and years of talking to just terrific, great story British actors, and they don't almost need a pre-interview.

30:40You can just talk to them and they're funny and lovely and they're finishing your sentence. What's that?

30:54You've got to say it in a British accent. What'd you say? I say sentences, isn't I? No, but when I was younger, just starting in the business, all the talk shows, they instilled the fear of God in you about sticking to the question. But that's a mistake. I would always say, I would always say, I would sometimes go on other talk shows and they would sort of start in the early days to promote my talk show and they would drill me on the story. Like, say it again, say it again. And I think that's not how human beings interact. And people at home can tell this is kind of phony. If you had a time machine, is that the thing you would go and change?

31:29We never did that. We didn't do that. There's other things I would change. I would change a lot of things. To a young, would you go and seek out a young Sean Hayes? Say, this is a mistake. There's so many people I would go to and say, this is a mistake. I want to get back to the time machine. Yes. Where would you take it? What would you do? Okay. Fascinating question. Yeah. It's right off the top of the list. By the way, you're not using it right now, are you? You didn't come from the future. I did. What the fuck? This podcast has a year to go. No. Yeah. I'm sorry. It's hugely successful. And then it just drops off.

32:11Who dies? Conan, who dies? No, no. No one dies. Conan, Conan, Conan. Oh, Jesus. Let's just say one of you gets canceled because you decide to take public transportation. and you start a little crotch fire. No, no, no. I am coming from the future to tell you, enjoy this while it lasts. Oh, God. You spent way too much money on very dangerous merchandise. What would you do with the time machine? It's my favorite question. It's a terrible question. It's a no-win question. What about a rock concert? You got to go back in time to see one band that no longer is together. I would go back and see me. I'd see Hall & Oates just before they broke up for the last time two years ago.

32:58They reunited like 15 times. I'd go back and see them one last... No, I'm kidding. I love the idea that it's a group that broke up like a year ago, and that's the group I want to see again. I want to go see The Temptations, not the one with the original guy. No! Those original guys suck. I saw them two years ago in Atlantic City. I want to go back in time and relive that because I lost my parking validation. You want to go to the set of the music video of the Beach Boys Kokomo.

33:35Do you have any questions for Conan? Did you do, knowing that he is a raconteur, did you think that you didn't need any... One of the greats, maybe. Yeah. Did you think you didn't need any questions? I did. I do have some questions, but now that we're in a conversation, Like, what am I gonna ask him? One of Sean's questions, you know? Right, right, right. That's color. Well, we already covered Time Machine. Yeah. Can I ask a question? You guys famously, and it's a brilliant idea and I'm a big fan of the show, two of you never know who the guest is, so you're not prepared. One of you does know.

34:06Of the people who are unprepared, who's just the worst at just coming up with something? Come on, Will, come on. I'm probably the worst. I'm the worst. Have you ever been talking to someone and you just didn't even know who they were? Yes. Who? Well, I don't want to say. That's hilarious. Grandma doesn't really know a lot. One of my favorite things is on the show Project Runway, which my wife and kids... I watch it every time. Okay, whenever they bring out, they say, guess what? We got a special... And they bring out these amazing people sometimes. I guess I don't know a lot about fashion, but sometimes they clearly couldn't get someone.

34:43Okay, that's nice. I walked through an ice storm to get here. And so I'm watching it and every now and then they'll be like, guess who are special judges this week? And they'll say, you know, it's Heinrich Liebman. And you can tell that they've told the contestants, you have to act like Jesus has come into the road. And they're like, ah! And then they cut to the interview, right? I can't believe what's his name. It's Heinrich Liebman. It's Heinrich Liebman. But they don't know who the person is. And I know that that would be, for example, and I'm not name dropping, though maybe I might be, I recently, the last person I interviewed for my podcast was Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor.

35:28Wow. That's a nice booking. Wait, Supreme Court Justice don't do interviews? Exactly. Wow. Anyway, achieving the impossible, I think, is our goal in this industry. So what I did is I studied because you've got to know your shit when you're talking to a Supreme Court Justice. And I was thinking, what if I had just been on this show and Supreme Court Justice Sotomayor came out and sat down. And then, yeah, well, no, you're doing that. Bateman's rubbing himself in the corner. And he's like, would you want a cheese doodle or like a nacho cheese? Do you want some puffy cheese? But see, by the way, do you remember the name of the show is Smartless?

36:17Yes. Yes. Listen, when you guys. On purpose. True story. These guys were adrift. Came to me a couple of years ago. Oh, my God. And they knew. Oh, my God. That I was, had a huge podcast. And they were like, what do we do? What do we do? And I was like, guys, you're each individually funny. I said, two of you really have the goods. And I said, you'll be great together. But we don't know. We don't know. I mean, it was embarrassing. My daughter was there and said, why are those grown men crying? And I said, I'll handle this. And I said, guys, just relax. You're going to be great. And the format should be.

36:51And I remember you guys were like, what's in your hand? And I said, just, you know, how about two of you don't know who the guest is and call it, you know, dumb brain or something. and you guys were like, maybe that'll work. And you ran away. Wow, there's a lot of crying going on. You got on small, little, little child's bicycles and drove away. And you were banging into each other as you went over the hill, going, maybe it could work, maybe it could work. That's a true story of how SmartList was created. You guys have heard Conan's podcast before, right? A lot of you, it's a great podcast. Thank you.

37:23And I've done it a couple times. You ought to get Bateman on there. No. Yeah. We're good. And it's you and people who work for you and who feel, who have to, who are obligated to laugh. So, because their jobs depend on it, right? Is that true? It's not just that their jobs depend on it. If they don't laugh, pain. There's physical pain. I'm not above hitting someone who works for me. Do you like... And there I got cancelled. Oh, no. You were wondering when it would happen. Do you see how close you are? Always. Always on the edge. Well, let me ask you, forget it, because this is the question. It's so boring.

37:55Everybody's like, how hard is it to be a comedian right now? It's not that hard. You just fucking, right? It's not hard at all. But there is that thing, you have moments. Yeah, no, back to Jason's question. It's like, what do you do to edit yourself? Is there stuff you want to say, but you have to edit yourself right away? Well, here's the thing I will say that's absolutely true. There's a way all of us, I know you guys are planning some, whatever, big surprise meal for me after this is payment. I imagine it's all been set up and... I hope you like California Pizza Kitchen. We'll be slamming them back.

38:26But no, in all seriousness, there is a way that people who work in comedy, we riff and we talk about and we get going on things. And some of the fun is saying things that would that are totally outrageous. And it's funny because, I mean, the most moral, ethical people I've met, I've worked in comedy and they'll go on a long riff about something completely, you know, immoral and unethical. but it's really funny because you know them and you know that they're doing a joke about how wrong that would be if they were to do that. Just to make you laugh. Just to make me laugh. And the rooms, I mean, that's what I've always felt like.

39:03It has to be a safe space. A room where comedy is being invented has to be a safe space where everyone feels comfortable and to be completely, completely politically incorrect. But the problem is then you have to make sure that when you go out in the world, you're not saying that. And also, like, connecting with people who actually hold those views, which are abhorrent to us. That's not the purpose of it. The purpose is to find funny things. And, you know, I always think about, like, there are characters that... Job from Arrested Development, he's a pretty despicable guy. Thank you. But, like, he's a despicable guy, but I understood how completely off the rails he was.

39:41Right. And I'm not endorsing that kind of behavior. What I'm saying is it's absurdly ridiculous how he is and thinks. Yes, and I think the fun in all the great classic comedy of all time is someone being completely inappropriate in a situation. But it's got to come from the actor playing that character as ignorant as opposed to intolerant. And therein lies your skill with Job. You always looked a little dumb as opposed to... As opposed to... I don't know how much it was intentional or talent or what, but there was... See that look right there? Look at that look right there. Yeah. They did a thing, I didn't even know this, that they spent, I mean, hundreds of thousands of dollars in editing, adding a light of intelligence to Will's eyes.

40:26Right. Like a presence, just a presence, that they had to go frame by frame, and that's how video works. Well, the key is to also, is to try to make the... What's the key? To make the joke on you. So it was always about making the joke, you know, I'm the asshole, I'm the idiot, and it's not mean-spirited. Right. And also, motive is a huge contributing factor, too. What are your motives when you're saying the thing? Is it to injure somebody? Because then that's wrong. If the motive is to be funny and to have a laugh and hopefully not injure somebody, but to make light, then... And you were always so generous with that on your show and continue to do your whole brand of comedy.

41:04You're never trying to posture. You're never trying to be the cool kid. There are some... I was trying very hard. I was trying... You were trying. I was trying so fucking hard to be the cool kid. This is me being the cool... No, I... But that's why... No, I realized very early in my life, like, oh, I'm not cool. I'm not a good athlete. Thank you, audience, for recognizing that immediately. I'm not all these things, but then taking store of what I did have and saying I'm going to be honest about that, which is... Yeah, and it was clear at the very start. Like, remember when you first came on? Nobody, by design, nobody knew who you were.

41:45you were a newcomer to camera, but you were obviously with your background and your education and then working on SNL and all that stuff. All writers knew who you were. I remember watching your very first monologue and I went, oh, I get it. Because you were so human and so winning and so us. Yeah. I get it. That's why you did it for 28 years. Well, we almost got, I mean, it was two years on the air of constantly being this close to getting canceled. Yeah, were you worried every day you were going to get a call? No, seriously, we did the first, after we got through a year and then they said, we're breaking your contract down, which is completely unheard of in our business to, I think it was three, it was three months at a time.

42:29So we'll renew you three months at a time. And people don't know that because people just, you know, a lot of people here and I meet so many people now who said, well, I started watching you, you know, when I was 15 and now I'm 75. And so they have no idea that it's so interesting how people have a different perspective. They look at everyone on this stage and they just think, well, you've always been at this place and they don't understand. No, no, we'll take, you know, we've all been everybody here who might even be interested in doing this or want to try it. And you come here and you see the people that you like on a stage or some of them.

43:08And then, no, but you see us and you think, oh, you have, they just got to be that. And it's not the case. Like I'm very, I think the thing is - Like it just happened to them, you mean? Yeah, I think I'm very much constantly in touch. And I think the people that I like in this business, which includes everyone here, I think we're really in touch with the fact that we know what it's like to have people look right through us. We know what it's like to not have any of that status. and I'm still connected to that. We'll be right back. And now, back to the show. You had to go through all that stuff, too, especially going through the three months at a time, whatever.

43:49You had to do it all in front of America. So you had all that stress every day showing up, and you had people saying, we're not sure if this Conan, like, writing stuff, because they write mean shit. How were you able to stay loose and be funny on the show knowing that your head was on the... What helps for me is the work. So the magic for me was if we had done, let's say my show had been kind of a Saturday Night Live type of show where it was once a week. I'm not even kidding about this. I probably would have gone to a mental hospital and been treated and the show would have gone away because it was so much...

44:19You would have time to think about it. You don't have time because... You've got to put a show out in it. I'd do a show, I'd come to work in the morning and they'd say, did you see this thing in the paper? And it's literally like a three-page spread, you know, 75 reasons why it would be great if Conan just died. You know? I mean, I'm really not exaggerating that much, because what we were doing just looked so wrong to people, and I looked weird, and what's his name and the hair? You also had Richter there holding your hand the whole time. Wow. What a gap. That's another gap we can't take out. That's about what I don't know.

44:52You just mentioned a name that's never mentioned in my house. I wanted to say, like, Jesus. This segment is sponsored by Prevagen. Go ahead. Oh, can I say one thing, though, really quickly? We had to do the show that day, and there were terrible things, but you said something that absolutely is true. Talk about a time machine. If I went back into a time machine and had to try and do that show without Andy, I wouldn't have lasted three days. I'm serious. I am serious about that. He's one of the funniest guys we all know. But also, he was right there by me, next to me, and there were times when I didn't have it, and he would just say something.

45:30And he was, in the early days, he was just money in the bank. And also, I remember, he's just like this big, warm presence, big guy, and like this with, no, no, he's this like big, warm presence. And so, literally, he was comforting. He was comforting to me. Like, he's the physically strongest person in comedy. He is so strong. He is so crazy strong. I mean, physically, like, we used to just laugh. I think we went to Yankee Stadium once to play softball, and I think Andy hit a home run with a softball. And everyone was like, shit, and he was like, eh, let's go. I'm tired of this. I saw him at your Christmas party with a plate full of heave, and I both got a plate full of ham.

46:12You would have loved it. It was great. But I do want to... Remember the toast I gave at the party at the end when I said, this room is filled with everyone, everyone that means something to me. Yeah, you did. Remember that? Yeah. Do I remember it? Are you kidding me? Tom Hanks was crying on my shoulder. It wasn't originally the plan to have Andy on the show, was it? Andy was hired as a writer, but I knew right away I want to get him. I think it would be good if you guys did a little research. Listen, I was going to say that you... Let's get on a subway, the four of us. But talking about those years, Jason, we were talking about it today or the other day.

46:57We were talking about, you were talking about those moments where you were in your 20s, you had already had your first show, and then you were doing maybe a pilot every couple of years. And going through those years and everybody sort of thinks, oh no, you're doing, like what you were saying. You're fine, you're Jason Bateman, you're doing fine. And you're like, man, I'm just trying to be the fucking red. That is at the risk of being overly sincere. It's like something that's really important to me is that people hear this message because I remember with great clarity looking at people that have the position that I have now and thinking, well, that's them, but I could never get to do that.

47:35Yeah, sure. And being as sure of that as I am, like the sun comes up in the east and goes down in the west, which is actually how it works. Wow. Look at Sean's face. Just bewildered. But yeah, you know, I actually, I was just thinking, my friends, my friend Dave McLaughlin and his wife Beth are here tonight. They're good old friends of mine. And I used to. Dave, Beth, why don't you guys stand up? And I used to. I don't know where they are. And they're two of my oldest friends. And I used to sleep on their floor in their house, in their apartment in L.A. I'd go out for auditions or whatever and just trying and starving and couldn't pay the rent.

48:07And it was the kindness of people like that. And I so appreciate. I love that. I love talking about this stuff because people don't know. Are you trying to cut off Dave and Beth? Sorry. No, because when we first started hanging out decades ago, I would go over to your apartment, and your next-door neighbor in the apartment next to you are like on the same thing. It was Bradley Cooper. Yeah. And it was like... Yeah, but he was really fat then. Yeah. Remember how fat Bradley Cooper was? I was... He was one of those people that they had to take a wall out of the house to get him to the hospital. He was a cutout.

48:42He was a cutout. And Sean's from Illinois. You don't have to explain that to him. But... But... Canceled! State by state. State by... It's a joke. We're going to Chicago. I'll admit to it when we get there. But, yeah, Bradley. Remember, Bradley would come over and be like, I'm never gonna... He'd like... But I was just... I was like, the first time I went to the Golden Globes... Thanks. The first time. Yeah. Did you ever win? No. No, no. No, he just got it. He scored a ticket. Oh, oh, good for you. I was like, wow, I had my autograph book and my Sharpie. No. He went to the line. But to that point, the first time I went, I swear to God, this is what I thought.

49:24The first time I went, we were in the television tier, which is, you know, way in the back. Movie people are in the front. And so I looked around, and literally, there's Tom Cruise and Meryl Streep and all these people. And I was like, how did this happen? How did I get here? I know so many of my friends that could do my job or whatever it was, that could be in this position. And I looked around and I just go, God, we're all lucky. That's just, every single person here is lucky. No one more than you. Do you, do you, but I, you know, Sean, Sean. No, I mean, you really just fell in. I mean, you, honestly, Lucky Magazine post, you know, front cover, 50 covers in a row.

50:06But I think everybody, but I think, Sure, it takes a little bit of talent and hard work, but so many people have that. That's the other thing, too. I get crazy. And it's not just in show business. I hate it in finance. I hate it. We've all, you know, in a city like this, in Boston, you'll see people that clearly have a ton of money. They've made it in tech. They live out in some fancy suburb. And they're hanging out at the Four Seasons. And sometimes there's this air they have of, I'm here because I deserve it. And I want to say, I don't know what your story is, but all of us are lucky. We're just lucky.

50:43And so that's something that gets like... It's weird when... It's weird because, actually, by the way, finance is the thing that's kind of taken over. There are probably a lot of finance people, and the only person we apologize to is Dan Dees. Dan Dees is the best. Is the best. But it's created a whole class of... When someone has, you know, whatever, bet well on crypto or something, And then they're kind of acting to me like, well, you know, some of us know what we're doing. And I think, fuck you, no, you don't. But wait, don't you think that to all of what we're talking about, that you can, like, I'm not going back on my word, but it takes a little bit of luck, but you can manifest a little bit of it by creating goals and writing them down and achieving certain milestones as you go along.

51:34I don't think there's a better analogy in the world than the one-armed bandit in... I just... that's the way I always... That's... I don't know if you... you know, gambling's a problem for you, but you recoiled when I did that. From this angle, it wasn't a real jackpot pull you were doing. You know when you go to... Look at this guy who's got it. It's unreal. I'm still on the subway, sorry. You are so on one track. But you know when you go to Las Vegas and there are those machines and you pull the lever? Oh, sure. Oh, yeah. Or the knobs. Well, there's the knobs, but then you're pulling that lever and you've got to really pull.

52:06And it breaks off. And then coins. And it breaks off. Yeah. It's the worst. But then the coins come shooting out. Sure. And then you just feel this sense of satisfaction and relief. But then your anus hurts. Wait a minute. Wait. My point is this. We're going to clean this up. Or they won't. They don't spend that kind of money. Well, let me ask you this. Wait, I got one thing to say. What I wanted to finish with your point was that it is, yes, luck is important. Luck is a crucial thing, and I want to give it up to Luck, but persistence, man. Yes, that's what I mean. Yes. I think actually persistence is...

52:41There's just a tiny persistence group here. That's the name of their Bitcoin company. They all came in one bus. But my thing is just, if you just keep going at it from different angles and keep pulling the lever... But there's also discipline and there's work ethic and studying hard at school and stuff. I know that you were educated here too. What were the school years like for you here? Were you a good student or were you a little hellcat out around town? Yeah, yeah. You know, funny you asked me the time machine question. Yep. And I'm not kidding for my, I mean, obviously, the time machine question is tricky because - It's a classic question.

53:19Yeah, it's the question of someone, it's a question someone has in their back pocket when they don't research.

53:28Time machine, Sotomayor! Pull the card out. I don't know. I was just telling you my views on Roe v. Wade. Time machine! Time machine Desert Island Discs.

53:44The buzzer did go off. Time to talk, Jason. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I would go back and have people not know where I went to college because I do think early in my career, especially people had preconceived notions. And so sometimes people would act like, oh, this show you're going to do is going to be some smart... And I'm like, no, I like a masturbating bear. I like the silliest things in the world. And I kind of wish that people didn't know where I went to school. I worked really hard to go there. I was a grind. And I worked... Even all those years I was writing comedy in college and performing it, I was still a really hard worker.

54:20Do you think now... So this is on top of what we were talking about. How does it feel? is it when you come back to Boston specifically after those years of grinding in high school and going to college here and now you're in front of this crowd who clearly adores you for some reason. Why? Is that satisfying? Is that bizarre? Does that register for you? Can you acknowledge that? Go like, hey, that's fucking... I'm getting better at it. For a long time, people would write nice things or nice things would happen and I'd go like, mm-hmm. And I would just push it aside. But you used to go down these same streets.

54:54You'd come into town, I imagine. with your folks and do stuff and maybe come to this very theater and see shows and whatever. I don't think this was here. Was the Wang even here? I think the Wang was built. No, the Wang's been here. The Wang's been here for 300 years. Oh. I think. When the first settlers arrived, the Wang Theater was here, I remember. It's the first thing they built. And they're like, the acoustics are okay. Be good for a podcast. But I mean, you walked around this. No, no, I'm very much in touch with the fact that I've been extremely fortunate. The thing I think about all the time is that my grandfather, my grandparents on my mother's side grew up in Worcester, Massachusetts.

55:31And they, yeah. And my grandfather directed Traffic in downtown Worcester. That was his career and he got paid. I love that movie. It's amazing. He got paid$55 a week. And whenever anything happens in show business where someone tells me, well, if we, if you, you know, you just did a year of talk shows. And so this is how much we're going to, I, I'm very humbled by shit. This is unbelievable. And I think about, you know, my grandfather, who I refuse to acknowledge in his lifetime. Wow. By the way. For no reason at all. I just was very, you know. Just a quick Harvard little story. Jason was honored with the Hasty Pudding Award.

56:09Tasty Pudding. Yes. Yeah. And he accepted it. He accepted it because he thought they were offering him a tasty pudding at first. But, Jay, why don't you share with everybody about the wonderful article that came out today. Oh, yeah. Beautiful, beautiful article today in the Daily News. You know, it's sort of like the zenith of journalism. They said that I received this... The Ozarks... Ozarks star gets the... No, gets the Hasty Pudding Award. And then in the body of the thing, Ozarks Patrick Bateman received the... American Psycho. How tough is that to just do just the smallest amount of research when you're writing this article?

56:56Can I tell you my... Just get the first name right. My favorite thing is I will get a letter. This happens to me at least once a year. A letter from a pretty well-known organization that's saying, you're our favorite entertainer, blah, blah, blah, blah. Could you please come and speak at our esteemed institution? It would mean so much. And we followed your career with bated breath. And it's going to be the biggest thing ever. And I forwarded you that. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. But it's like the letter will go on and on, and it will say, dear Conan, and then the last name is terribly misspelled. And I'll think, you didn't, you don't fucking care about me at all.

57:32You didn't even check, it takes a second. This is getting back to our email conversation. It's like, motherfucker, can't you just put a comma in there or something? Or, or they knew what they were doing and they wanted this reaction from you. In fairness, when I walked out here and saw you, I was like, Patrick, you know, I was excited to see Patrick Bateman. Well, I tell you, I tell you, we've been excited to see you. Yes. Hey, that's a great transition for a guy who has to get out. Are we doing a commercial? Well, no, I mean, you know. No, no, that's, I have to say, this is, I will repeat my mantra, this is not work.

58:14This is, and it's been a long two years for all of us. And a lot of us have been missing being together and having an audience. And so, seriously. And when I got, when I got, when Will said, would you want to come out and be on Smart List in Boston? And I was just like, this is like I won a contest. So thank you guys. Seriously. No, really, this is nice. This is really nice. This is, by the way, I echo that. We do, too. This is such a thrill for us to do this, to do this tour, to come here to Boston, to see you guys, and to do it with such a good buddy who we all love, and you are so hilarious, and you've always been the best, and you've always been so kind to all of us over the years.

59:01We're going to work on this. We're going to work on it. We're going to work on this. And let me broker the Christmas thing. I'll just park cars at the party. Okay. That's great. I just want to be on the grounds. You want to be on the grounds. Okay, there's some pretty heavy hitters, some big A-listers at these parties, and you might get a little giddy. By the way, he's not kidding. Yeah. It is filled with A-listers. Well, what are you gonna do? Listen! Oh, God, oh, God. I gotta go, I'm meeting Tom Brady. Don't. You guys, how great is it being? Thank you. Thank you.

59:35Thanks, pal. Thanks, guys. I love you, Tom. This is fun. How do you, everybody? Get in here. Bye, buddy.

59:49That was great. Wow. That was great. You know, he... I had no idea how short he is. Yeah, I know. Those are lifts. It's all lifts. Those are lifts. He should come back out here and admit to the lifts. So what didn't you ask him? Go ahead. I mean, you didn't go here once. There's 800 questions. I didn't want to. We were having a conversation. There's stuff about SNL. There's stuff about Simpsons. Yeah, I know. Late night. They know all that. You have his name misspelled. Yup. You didn't even need him. You're a great interviewer. Oh!

1:00:23They love you. Ah. That's so sweet. How about Will though, huh? Sean. Steve? What about Steve?

1:00:37No, but that Conan is one of my favorite favorite guest we've had on the podcast. Absolutely, but I wonder, like, because I don't know this, I wonder if he is, like, is he the longest hosting talk show host? Like, did he have the most years? I bet you Johnny Carson went longer. But 28 years. 28 years. Yeah, with various shows. It has to be. Yeah, with all the shows. Yeah, that's crazy. I don't know about you guys. When I was a young actor in New York... Uh-oh, here we go. No, it's just going to be a few minutes. It's more of a monologue than anything. Oh, so was it. No, but I remember watching Conan on late night and just watching all those sketches and watching his, had to watch his monologue, had to watch those sketches.

1:01:25I didn't care who the guest was. I just wanted to see those sketches. And as a young actor, it was so inspiring. Yes, and what I loved about him too, I started watching him when I was in college, and I was like, oh, that guy has the same sense of humor as me. It's like a little wacky, and it's not like, I'm doing a stilted monologue now, and I'm going to talk to a guest. It was different. It was so different, and it's still different. I love that character you just did. What was that? I'm not gonna do it. This is my talk show host who doesn't know what he's doing. It's incredible. Thank you. You're looking at me, and all I'm doing is trying to think up a bi.

1:01:55I'm trying to think up a bi. Maybe something about him being bi-coastal with... Well, don't do it out loud. No, no, I think... Well, if you just repeat the name of the guest that we just had, there's something in there, maybe. Conan O 'B... Bye! Goodbye. Thank you, Boston.

1:02:19Thank you. Smart. Less.

1:02:26Smart. Less.

1:02:32Smart. Less. Smart Less is 100 % organic and artisanally handcrafted by Bennett Barbaco, Michael Grant Terry, and Rob Armjarf.

1:02:50Smart Less.