INTRODUCING: I Need You Guys with Gabe Liedman, Jenny Slate and Max Silvestri (w/ Sean Hayes)

0:00Smart. Bless. Media.

0:10I watched Blair Witch last night. Oh my God! Why? Oktoberfest. Okay, I saw it when I was, I've seen it a couple times, obviously, over the many, many years. I saw it, like, as a kid in the theater, thought it was straight up real, and, like, shat myself with fear. It's so funny to, like, grow up and look back at that because they're such an improv troupe. Right. Like the acting is so, you know, really threads the line between naturalistic and just totally an improv troupe, you know? And like you can see it now as an adult. I don't know if I've ever seen it. It's too scary. Oh, let's watch it, Jen.

0:48I can't. It's not real. We can get that out of the way. Because imagine watching a scary movie and thinking you might be watching actual footage of a death in the woods. You know, remember how the girl had all the snot? I know. that's what everyone really latched on to. That was real. Of course that was real. Cause she was so scared. They didn't have like a glycerin budget for sure. We all have a glycerin budget. It's like flying boogers.

1:23Gabe, I was thinking of you because I know you've only seen at this point, one episode of task and that's okay. Yeah. But I'm obsessed with it. And it's also given me an opportunity to bring out back my Delco accent, which I think I'll go Delco accent. We'll get water ice. And you don't do it much. I realize I never hear like even a jokey Philly accent. I'm not saying you ever had that one. No, I would love to hear it on. I have I have to put it on because I, you know, I outran it when I turned 19, moved to New York, said water once, got the look. And then I became like a newscaster. And you don't know where I'm from.

2:06Right. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. My brother says water. My whole family says water. And I have slowly found other Philly and Delaware people who I can do the accent with. And even Delaware brings it out a little bit. Like Delaware is almost a trap word. Delaware. Delaware's huge. Delaware? Delaware. But we should do one episode of the podcast where you and I do the whole podcast in a Philly accent. I would love that. What accent do I do? I don't know. You have, like, a couple hours to figure it out. All right. Because we're getting started. You know what accent I'd like to have is, like, the one that they had on the show The Nick.

2:44It's like, I'm old-fashioned, and it was so good. Oh, that show ruled. Like, that show ruled so much. Just loved it. Do you still do coke injections in your penis, right? Me? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't know. Yeah. From The Nick. Otherwise, it's so sleepy. Oh, just because the FDA says it's eye medicine, it can't be penis medicine? Yeah. Get real. I have work to do. Oh, my God. That show. It was so, did everything I needed something to do. You know, the weird stuff that they used to do that they thought was medical, and then they would do it in, like, a big auditorium that seemed like a gym, but also an amphitheater, and there would just be, like, the weirdest operation that was, like, really a dumb thing to do, and then they're all doing coke, and they're having sex.

3:30Getting their nose eaten up by fucking infections. Yeah, some people missing a face. Oh, my God. Yeah, that was so good. Yeah, loved it. Panem of the Opera shit. For a second, I thought you were... Inside my penis. That's where the cocaine goes. Penis, penis. Right? That's the song? Yeah. Keep inside my penis. That's all. Christine, my penis. the needle full of drugs it's inside my cock oh yeah guys there's other this is when Sirius XM like actually eats its own poison pill and is like we're done we're done we can't do any more podcasts not even any of them you owe Andrew Lloyd Webber personally 40 ,000 pounds from that bear these three idiots get the wheel get them out of there excuse me Mr.

4:23Stern we're over we're over and that was over drink some water and get the heck out of here should i should i bring my i need you guys i would love that okay yeah i got a text from our friend lang and it was an like a instagram story what no sure no an instagram post it looks like mona lisa saperstein It was, in fact, in the scene from Parks and Rec, the character that I played, written by our friend Joe Mandy, where Mona Lisa is saying money, please. And her father is like giving the money to her. But it was on the White House official Instagram. Like this took me a second to be like, well, what is this?

5:07It was on the White House official Instagram. And under the image of me as Mona Lisa saying money, please. It said illegal immigrants. And under Henry's character, Dr. Saperstein, it said, who's giving the money, it said Democrats. And I was like, oh, my God. Like, oh, my God. First of all, deeply upsetting on so many levels to make that type of a cruel joke. And then also to be the person that somehow has included that. And it's used for, you know, just absolutely evil means. But also to be like, what should I do? It's not like, you know, Dean Cain or something Like a celebrity that I don't have the same political beliefs as Is doing that and I can kind of, if I want to, decide to be like, hey man Because it's so scary, it's the White House It's the actual White House, that's psychotic You know, like, if you were me, and obviously You're not a Trump voter, you don't believe in what ICE is doing I think we would all agree, and also I think, like It wouldn't be hard to understand that that's where I'm coming from I think, you know, what would you do?

6:15And what do you think I should do? Woof. It's so shitty, Jenny. I'm really sorry. It's so fucking shitty. It's so fucking shitty, first of all. It's just like, it's also like just humiliating that this is like the way the government does messaging. It's like in like weird corny memes. Your work was taken out of context by like a completely, you know, sinister thing. Ordinary, like nice, normal, sane people cannot jump in there every second with these cuckoos. And that was my sort of feeling to you is like, I know you don't use your social media. I know that this has like been brought to your attention.

7:00And I think there are plenty of people involved in that project who are more willing to be like on social media and making statements and whatever that you don't really like need to open the door to people who are MAGA on Instagram and like to write messages. I'm just like, that's all that would come here. I agree. I mean, first of all, like this is a podcast, you know, like, yeah. Oh shit, Gabe. This is not a play. It's a podcast. No. Oh, my God. You're not like playing game. This is you. This is your life. I'm wearing so much makeup for no reason. I'm wearing a mask. I made pancakes this morning to put on my makeup.

7:43Because I'm not very good at it. Yeah. I got chocolate chips all over my arm. That's Amelia Bedelia shit Max was doing. Okay. Baby corn?

7:57Amelia Bedelia, talk about something that is... It does not fly right now. But anyway, I was like. You can never do Amelia Bedelia now. You couldn't do it in this environment. You can't even do anything anymore. You can't even feed the corn a little bottle of milk called baby corn. You can't even. They'll come for you. So one thing I was thinking was like, wait, the worst thing, I think, is this unconscious assumption that somehow I and probably everyone has been kind of bullied into. That it's like, there's only one place to respond to this and you have to do it right now. Otherwise, you don't, you're not you and you don't stand for what you stand for.

8:37So you need to weirdly like get into the diarrhea pit with these monsters and fight on their turf. I have the right to like wait a sec and think about where I want to respond to this in an arena or a venue or whatever. in a discussion where it's just not immediately going to be a corrupt space. I agree with everything you're saying, which is like, it shouldn't have to be your business to do it. You shouldn't have to sing to their level, etc. But I do think how you feel authentically at its core, which you could quickly post and move through, is just like, this sucks. It does suck. And it sucks in a bunch of different ways.

9:20It sucks for all the reasons we're saying that you're being co-opted, your art's being co-opted into cruelty and to this agenda. But also, like, people that make good art and especially funny stuff, they do care about. They're using your work as a meme because they think it's funny and effective and it communicates an emotion well and memorably. And, like, they can't do that. And so the person who made it being like, nope, this sucks, and just screen capping it and moving it on. Like, this just sucks. This is so 2011 someone's Tumblr account about how they're buying a condo and doing memes where they're like.

9:54that feeling when you lock in two percent mortgage rate and then it's like a picture from the office or whatever like it stinks it's so bad it's so bad like i just i don't feel that instagram is the um platform for me anymore i did feel like at one time but like for me to be like honestly saying um anything that is a an ongoing discussion or like a retort to something like i actually think that what I would like to do is what I'm doing, which is like, you know, totally call me like a big, like squirting douche, but to like put it into my creative work, which is this, unfortunately, this is the squirting douche.

10:35Our podcast to be like, I would rather place like the, some very succinct truths, which is like, I fucking hate that. I think it sucks. I think those people aren't funny and that they're deeply cruel. And I would rather put that in a discussion where also it's like, I'm not reduced down to anything. In fact, like I'm in a three person about to become four when we have our wonderful guests come on. We talk about it and we also enjoy our lives and we place difficult things in like conversations. This is actually a good like I need you guys to include our guests with today. So when we're back in the break, we're going to get input from the wonderful Mr.

11:19Sean Hayes. Sean Hayes. One of our dadas. He's one of our dadas. We're going to ask dad for help. So we'll be right back with Sean. I need you guys.

11:39Oh, you guys. This is so exciting. Exciting. You're the best. Can we just say that? You are the best. Great. And that's all our time. That's all our time is over. Let's wrap. Sean, I don't know if you remember this, but we, me, you, and Gabe were working together on QForce in March 2020. Beautiful time in history. I don't know if you remember this. Yeah. A powerful month. But I remember right before we had to go remote to make the show over some app called Zoom we'd never heard of, you were setting up this mic setup, I think, in this room. and you're like, I'm about to start this podcast with friends and we're setting it up so we don't have to be in the same space.

12:17And I was like, what are you wasting time on this for? Brother, we're making an animated show for Netflix. You don't need to do this. You don't need to do a podcast, buddy. You're doing fine. I know. It really was. Miss Marlis was just born out of the – like you guys is like we've been friends for 20, 25 years, something like that, and we're just like we can't go anywhere, so let's just do this and hang out. and they were like, oh, well, let's, instead of Zooming and hanging out, let's do a podcast and hang out. Yeah. And then two people listened and then 10 and then it's like, well, a balsam shampoo.

12:51Anybody? Do you remember that? Do you remember those commercials? I told, they told two friends and they told two friends and so on. It's an old commercial from the 1970s. Yes. It's a shampoo. It's shampoo. It's shampoo. You know what commercial from the 80s literally made me want to eat the soap? And still, when I think about it. my my I know exactly the one what do you think it was Mr. Bubble no Irish Spring yeah oh my god wait why it just seems so good do you remember the commercial for gleam toothpaste no do you remember gleam and she held it upside down she's like meagle and there's like no gleaming right and then she and then she licked her lips and she's like it was so gross but I was like I'll try it.

13:38That's an artistic commercial. I wish there was more stuff like that where they read it wrong and then looked to themselves. Yeah, they're more playful with how reading upside down works, which actually doesn't reverse the letters. Right. And we shoot it in the back of an ambulance because everything's backwards. On the front of an ambulance. Well, one thing I was going to say is, so one of the things that I think is one of the cutest things about Gabe when he was a little boy. Actually, Gabe, I thought about you yesterday because my daughter was like, why don't I take the school bus? We live like four blocks from our school.

14:06I was like, I don't know. I can't even explain this to you right now. You're four. But you don't need to. You don't need to. Yeah. A bus is like a big car, Sean, that takes kids to school. But it can be for other stuff. I need pictures. So the bus went by. And what I remembered, which is one of my favorite stories from Gabe, is that when he was a little boy, he was on the school bus. Going down the center aisle of the school bus. And he tripped super hard and fell all the way down. and then got up and went, Super Grover! Yeah. That was what I considered to be my first joke. Sesame Street joke.

14:45Wait, Super what? Super Grover. He had like, Grover and Sesame Street had like a super... Yeah, had a cape. Yeah, Super Grover. And what it was, was I was sitting in my seat. The bus braked super hard and every other child was totally fine. But for some reason, I like, when flying like a rocket up the aisle, landed at the front of the bus. Everyone was looking at me like, is he OK? I must have been like five. And I had the wherewithal to be like super. And I that was like a real triumph for me as a comedian. People laugh. People laugh. And I came home and I bragged about it. And it was your first joke.

15:19And the reason why this is not just me having like an ADHD flare up ruining the entire podcast is that one of my first jokes was about a commercial that I saw on TV. and I would go up to like adults for no reason and raise my hand and push my armpit out and go, raise your hand if you're sure. Sure. I remember that. I remember that. I used to do shit like that all the time. Yeah, and I was like, everyone fucking loves me when I do that deodorant thing. I better like do this. I used to do a bit in high school where I would have a backpack on and I would open it just enough so that when I reached to the top of the stairs, I would on purpose trip on the top of the stairs and all my books would go flying everywhere.

16:07And people would think that was the funniest thing. So I was voted senior most likely to trip at graduation. So in the line of the 2000 people graduating, I had people like, do it, do it. I'm like, I think I'm going to do it. So I got up there and he goes, Sean Hayes. And the dean hands me my diploma and I tripped on purpose. Everybody stood up and clapped. Oh, my God. I love it. Did you like take down the podium like when football players are practicing and they have to like run really hard into the thing?

16:40You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. Like a side swipe it, kind of spear it off the top of the thing is what you're thinking of. Take that fucking podium out and the principal. Yeah, I was basically the podium. Have you guys ever seen those videos where like, I think it's a thing more in the South where there's a day in like peewee football where the kids go up against their parents. No. And they're just for tackling. It's like kind of like a tradition. Moms only, right? Mostly moms. Yeah. There are some dads. But it's the kids are in full pads. So they're like absolutely cushioned like sumo at a, you know, climbing gym.

17:17They look like comically. Like the Mitchell-Man. Exactly. And the parents just themselves just smoke their kids. So it's just their kid running and they run and they explode. But nobody gets hurt. And you just can sense the catharsis and relief. That must feel so good. And being like the mom of a 12-year-old boy just absolutely laying him flat. Wait, that is genius. Where I thought you were going was that the kids were going to do it. That the parents were all wrapped up. And the kids get to tackle the parents. You would think all the kids have it in their head that they're like, I'm going to be the one that can take my own dad down.

17:53Like, I'm actually like I do football. He's an old man. And then every single one gets smoked by the parents because they're huge. You know, Jenny, I think I feel like we should get Sean's input on your conundrum this week. I don't know if you heard some of it as you were coming in. I just heard the tail end. Here was my conundrum. It was a fresh I need you guys, meaning I asked them for help with something, which was that. Did you have your period? I got it. It's due on Saturday. Did you say I got my period? Oh, yeah. What do I do? I thought you needed help with. Tampon? Like, what do you do?

18:28Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What would you guys do? Cup? No, sorry. Sorry. Go ahead. Give a cup? Yesterday, the White House official Instagram, which I am not aware of, weirdly don't follow, and I don't use my Instagram at all. It is like my Instagram still. But three years ago, I was like, I actually can't interact with this at all. It's bad for me. I know I need to have it for like when I have a stand up show or a podcast or a book coming out where I wear a dress that someone was like, you can wear this, but you better post it if you wear it. Like that kind of thing. Whatever. Yesterday, the White House posted a meme that is like Mona Lisa Saperstein from Parks and Recreation, a show that I was on.

19:08I played Mona Lisa. And so it's me and Henry Winkler. He played my dad and it was like my character saying like money, please. And he's like giving her the money. But underneath the image of me saying money, please, a moving image, it said illegal immigrants being like money, please. And then under Henry, it said Democrats. And I was like, I sort of felt like Maurice Chevalier singing for the Nazis or whatever. But I didn't do this. Anyone know what that is? if they don't know my family. It's actually my 2025 most played on Apple Music. I love the movie G-Shade. That specific concert. Well, you know what to do, which is nothing.

19:49You don't do anything. You just let it go. And I know because you feel, when you're the person that the thing that is being exploited for whatever, for a missed message or whatever, and you're the kind of face of it, you can't help but internalize how personal it makes you feel. but know that everybody on the outside understands that this is unfortunately the norm and has nothing to do with you you were just a pawn in their messaging and i think even republicans even democrats i think everybody goes oh it has nothing to do with jenny or or um oh for sure henry right you know um but well henry but i know it's weird no i'm just kidding the nicest man in the world the nicest oh god i love genuinely i love him but what about what do you feel about the pressure like for me I was like oh I shouldn't I shouldn't respond to this first of all because the trap will work like they have like a million traps to just like suck in anyone for attention so that we're not thinking about voting rights or whatever but yeah measles right can you believe measles you guys Jesus Christ the marvelous Mrs.

21:00Measles the marvelous Yeah, that's what Cheryl Hines calls herself. Fuck. Damn. Yeah, that's what Cheryl Hines is called now. You know, isn't it kind of amazing there are people in the world and this country that have A, the time to write nasty things, and B, the inclination to write nasty things. Oh, God. I mean, don't you have, isn't your day busy? Like, don't you have to work? and then what does it do for you to just write these bad things so like yeah got them and then they go on I don't know it's just I've never written anything bad on like anything about anybody I mean just give it a take a sip from the fountain you're gonna want to yeah it's like popcorn you're not just one I always imagine they are busy but jobs that are i feel like there's a lot of jobs where you got a lot of downtime that i feel like damn sure your boss is mean to you a customer sucks go on there get a little endorphin hit by writing something mean anonymously like it's just it's i think sean's advice is the right to just let it down this is it and let it metabolize through and outside of social media there's also like the weird like dorky second wave of like you would get like parks and rec star jenny sleep tells yeah yeah white house you suck or whatever it's just such a dorky next thing it's just like everyone's fucking grow up like star i was a i was a yeah i did i did like five episodes how many more were there because i only checked you out jenny i know the desire to the the desire is so strong to when somebody does you wrong or somebody lies about you or whatever there is this there is this incident in my life where this one thing happened and it got blown out of proportion and this one person completely totally just lied about me no and um yeah and it was it kind of grew and grew and and all you want to do is show the receipts of like i have this email and i have this correspondence and i have this that would destroy this person's life in the sense that they would just be have egg on their face they're like everything you just said is completely not right but on the advice and the great advice of my lawyer and my publicist and friends and family they're like don't do anything yeah i'm like yeah but what they did was wrong that's not right what that's not right to just go ahead and lie and they're like no no no and i did that and it still kind of bothers me yeah but it was the right thing to do Yeah.

23:51Yeah. Yeah. You know, and I really had like raw chicken on my hands while I while I got the text. Like I opened the phone with my knuckle. I was like, my daughter loves a drumstick. I had marinated it all day. I'd never I would have never guessed. Oh, my God. She loves a drumstick. She's like freaking King Arthur. She just. Yes. I made her like these gorgeous marinated drumsticks. Did you eat them as well? I did. And I felt great about them. So did my husband, but I had made a bisque that while we were recording our podcast actually yesterday, I guess it maybe it sat on the stove at room temp a little too long.

24:29And then I reheated it and I mostly had that for dinner. And like when I say, how do I put this? I had diarrhea all night. Sure. So to speak. Stop speaking in code. Stop speaking in code. So to speak. You know, like translate that how you will. My husband Was also ill To the point where this morning I was like Hey And he was like Jenny Last night I googled Apparently he googled What is heart attack No Because he had such bad heartburn and gas From the brisket No it was the bisque It was the bisque I let it get cold then I reheated it I think that was it because her daughter didn't have it and she's in great health today.

25:16So anyway. You should combine them and call it a biscuit. A biscuit. Okay. Love this. Brisk. Do that. It gives you both diarrhea and heartburn. It's a biscuit. But it's nothing like either the British or the American biscuit. Because a brisket, bisque is one of our favorite dishes. There just hasn't been a name for it yet. And if you're hosting a brisk, you could have a catering service called brisket where it is, you do a brisket and you have the brisket and the brisket. But you spell it B-R-I-S-K, new word, I-T. Brisket. Yeah, yeah. And then we get, let's brisket! And then you chop off the top of the baby's penis.

25:59I need you guys.

26:08Sean, before we get to our, like, the audience question we get each week. We haven't started yet, have we? No, no, we're not recording any of this. No, this is right. Okay, good. This is a catch-up so it feels natural. Start now. I wanted to ask you, because you're uniquely positioned to give advice on this, and we need it. Do you have any tips on how to let a strong and long friendship flourish while putting it on the air and professionally entangling yourself even more, even though it is just about the friendship. Like you guys are doing fantastic. In the same vein that I had to interpret diarrhea, I'm going to interpret your question as how do we stay friends through all of this?

26:51Is that what it is? Yeah. First of all, you don't have to talk so close to the mic, Max. Second of all, I'm kidding. I'm totally kidding. At first you're like, no,

27:05that's a good question. Well, the thing is, we all live in the same city and we all hang out even when we're not doing the podcast. But we've also we really are like brothers and just like you guys are brothers and sister. Of course, we've gotten in arguments and of course we've got it just makes you closer and it makes you stronger and it makes your your bond tighter. You know, so I wouldn't be afraid to and I'm sure you guys aren't because, you know, forever to have heated discussions about topics you feel passionate about. and you know and you get through it and on the other side is just a closer relationship and um not that we have really i can think of like one or two times that we've all kind of gotten into it and that was like decades ago who won definitely not me no no no no yeah no but it was all it was all sibling stuff you know and then you realize oh God, that was so dumb.