"Natalie Portman"

0:29It's good to be here. And we're trying to think of a way to start the show here before we get into the funny music. Let's take some calls. Let's take some calls. Something to feel some suggestions. Let's pick up that line from Des Moines. That's on line three. Caller, welcome to Smartless. What's your question? I just want to know how old you guys are. Okay. Why'd you go fuck yourself? Okay. We lost that caller. We're picking up, oh, from Denton, Texas on line five. Good morning. Good morning. I love it when you talk about food. Yes. Welcome to Smart List. Smart List.

1:15Smart List.

1:21Smart List. Hi, guys. Hi. I think that this, is this our first chat and giggle of 2024? Well, we don't want to date the episode, but yes. Well, but I mean, for us personally, we won't, the listener don't listen to this part, but I think, hey, Sean will, this is our first of the year, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Nice. Happy New Year, guys. Oh, happy New Year. You guys look a full year older. Wait, what? Nothing. Nothing. Um, what did you guys do? How was your New Year? Will took a lesson in Socialism No Socialization Have you been enjoying your personal life? Shawnee, do you feel rested? I'm just getting sick I think, unless it's allergies I don't know Oh, could be COVID COVID's flying back No, I tested it I don't have it You had it before, right?

2:22I had it the first time ever a year ago Yeah, I remember that And Willie, you still haven't had it, right? No, I stopped I've never tested for it. I've never taken a test. Are you serious? Well, but no. What do you mean am I serious? Of course I've taken a million tests. No, I've never tested positive. I've been, I've had the flu, but I've never tested positive. But I'm like, remember the summer we thought that maybe I had it? Yes. When you guys were out in Long Island, JB. I love Long Island. Wait, who was I just talking to? Somebody at the Globes the other night who has got a fancy house out in the Hamptons pretty close to yours, and they're like, oh, boy, every time I hear Annette call it Long Island, trying to keep it real.

3:04Listen, Will, just admit it. You're doing real well. You've got a big-ass summer house. You've got six cars. You've got a bunch of gold bonds down in the Seychelles. He's got six bicycles. Did I tell you this? I think so. So last summer or the summer before I was pulling into the Sag Harbor and I was in my GMC pickup. It says Sierra AT4X, by the way. Okay. Don't drop down. Don't drop down. And you're trying to keep it real by saying you're driving a pickup truck. But let's be clear. It was a freebie because you are the voice of GMC. Well, it's been over 25 years. It's been over 25 years that I've been the voice of GMC trucks featuring the GMC Sierra with the six-function multi-pro tailgate.

3:50So anyway, this guy comes up to me as I'm putting Danny in his car seat and goes, Oh, you really do have a GFC? And I go, What, man? I don't know the guy's a little stranger. It was pretty absurd. Jason. Wait, Sean, so you think that you're getting sick? Well, I had an endoscopy yesterday. What is that? You had a colonoscopy yesterday? No, endoscopy. Is that above the belt or below the belt? That's above the belt. So I don't know if my throat is sore because there's something shoved down. Well, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Careful with the jokes right now. It's very early in the show. No, Sean's talking about going to a place where he paid money to have somebody stick something down his throat.

4:28And then he got an endoscopy. By the way, I can't even believe I walked right in. He sure did. Hey, so what did... That's what he said. What did this fella tell you was the problem? And he claimed he was a doctor. Did you check his credentials, by the way? By the way, he's the best doctor in the world, Dr. Trazon at Cedars. Oh, here we go. And wait, and Jay's going to love this. I had my, oh, where's my Invisalign? Oh, I have one. Oh, let's wait for your Invisalign. Funny, it's hard to find the Invisalign. I had it on. I forgot to put that on. You should just paint a stripe on it so you stop losing it.

5:01That's not a bad idea. Don't put in your Invisalign for the podcast thing. No, I have to. I have to keep it wearing. No, you don't. So, no, I do. I have to keep it on. He's got to wear it at all times. He's got to do the same thing. Anyway, so his name is Dr. Trezon. And I said, he goes, do you have anything metal in you? Do you have anything? Blah, blah, blah. You're all good. I said, no, I just have my plastic, you know, teeth lining thing. I guess, I go, I guess you could say I have my trays on. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's really good. That's really good. Did he think you were flirting? No, no, no.

5:30No, but he was so sick of me making jokes. I just made bad joke after bad joke. And I was sitting there. Have you had an endoscopy with the thing down your throat? Yeah. I did it at the same time that I got my colonoscopy. Yeah, so they put you, like. I did. Yeah, you did. They used the same tool. They used the same tool. Yeah. Are they offering a twofer right now? It's the best time to do it. You're already out. It's the devil lies in the sequencing. You'd really want to do the endoscopy first. Sure. Is that correct? I guess. Something. I don't think it meant. But I said, so I had this thing.

6:01They make you bite down on this thing on your mouth to keep your mouth open, right? Sure. And so they can stick the camera down there. And so I'm sitting on my side with pillows with, you know, in a gown with this thing on. And I said, bad joke after bad joke. I go, I haven't been like this since college or something like that. And he goes way in the back of the room. He goes, yeah, we're probably going to want to stop talking for a little bit. Yeah. He's had it with you. He's totally had it. He's the best doctor. He couldn't get that propofol. He's like, double the propofol. Let's get this guy under.

6:32How good is that? How great is that when you wake up from that propofol now? Oh, my God. That little twilight? You're just like, I've never felt so good in my life. Yeah, I get real chippy. I got a bunch of jokes for the doctor. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I can't stop cracking but the thing is you come out of that thing and you feel light you haven't eaten for 24 hours right and you feel rested you've just had a 45 hour long nap to quote somebody the likes of which have never been seen oh boy yeah oh god okay sorry too long that's it 10 minutes of patter let's please get to our guest today you fucking wrote down 10 minutes of patter too no I just looked up there 10 minutes of batter Today we have with us a seasoned Talk to people We have a seasoned veteran of the industry Oh But she's not old She has an Ivy League education with a degree in psychology But she's never practiced She is incredibly funny and can light up a room with her smile and her warmth But she's known as one of our best dramatic actors She's been a major movie star for over 30 years but it has always been second to her interest in academics and activism.

7:43She's got an Academy Award, a couple of Globes, countless nominations. She can even explain the Middle East to you or sell you some perfume. And Sean, she can even swing a lightsaber. Gang? Wow. What? Natalie Portman. What? Got it. No, I knew it. Good morning. I knew it. Hi. Wow. Oh, my God, you guys. Yeah? Literally, as I revealed myself, I got a thing on my computer that says, low battery. You're going to back up to sleep soon. Yeah. One minute. Excuse me. One minute. She's grabbing for the cord. Oh, yeah. Go get it. All right. So, Sean, here's a little. Okay, Sean. You better watch it on the Star Wars stuff.

8:22She's doing a lot of movies. She doesn't want to talk about Star Wars, okay? Don't say Star Trek. I got shit for giving you shit with the Adam Driver episode. Okay? And keep Scotty out of his fucking interview, all right? And don't start going like, Scottie's got a question for you from down deep. Did the planet Trigulon actually have some? Tighten up. Come back on tight and up. Hi. Look who's back. Are you all plugged in? We weren't talking about you. I'm going to do a whole move. We're changing the background. Oh, it's so pretty. Yeah, what we're exposing here is a very nice zoom room she's created at the house.

8:57Yeah, you've got a nice flare going. Beautiful flare coming in. Oh, there she goes. We lost her. and we've lost connection. All right. All right, stand by. Good till there. As Jason would say, good till there. That was great. Good till there. Every time, by the way, every time we're under Arrested Development, we'd go, and action, and somebody would go up and go, like, right after we started, Jason would always go, good till there. Good till there. Robbie, we lost her on. Yeah, yeah. So it's probably the battery just... So it's going to be a second, guys. The battery just... Yeah, battery just...

9:37If you want to keep chatting, you can, but we're probably going to need her walk her through tech, so... All right, we're back. Do you hear us, Natalie? I do. Fantastic. Oh, we do too. One last thing. It sounds a little bit more echoey in this room. Do you mind just pulling the mic a little closer, maybe just a little higher if you have, like, some books on the desk to put it on? Alright, that's not better I'm really sorry, y 'all No, no, no, hero problem But are we going to title this episode How Dare You, Natalie Portman? Is that true? We're not going to do that We workshopped that while you were gone, Natalie I just don't think it's sticking We're rolling, guys Not a problem Okay, so we lost you for a second But it was just like driving over a canyon And here you're right back Oh, Natalie Hello there, good morning Oh, I love she called him Bateman.

10:29Yeah. Well, you know, we've worked together, so we can do last names. I can even go Herschelag, you know? Wow. Have you? Good memory. Uh-huh. We did a movie in which we had the same hairdo. Oh, my God. That's right. So this was a family movie called Mr. McGoriam's Wonder Emporium. Oh, yes. I read that script. Did you really? Yeah. It was a great script. Zach Helm. What a writer. It was a good script, yeah. And Dustin Hoffman was in it. We had a great time with him. We were in, where were we, Vancouver? Toronto. In Toronto. That's the same thing, right, Will? Vancouver, Toronto's kind of the same.

11:04First of all, how dare you say Vancouver, Toronto, same thing. How fucking dare you? Kidding. You're not kidding. The people of Toronto loathe you. Wait, wait, when did this movie come out? I forget. This was, was it 90s or 2000s? 2000, I want to say six, seven, something like that. Boy, it's just, how are you with dates? It's, Arnett's just incredible with it. I swear to you, I have no, I can't tell the difference between 97 and 07. I just, I have no idea what's going on between the two. I'm with you. Yeah. This year, I was like, if it was 2014, I would be like, uh-huh, it's 2014, yeah. Natalie, where are you right now?

11:43I'm in Los Angeles. Oh, you are, okay. Very good. Yes. I didn't get to run into you the other night. We were at the Swanky Globes. Yeah. And you were amazing up on stage. What about doing the presenting stuff? How do you like that? There's always some patter, some little quippy joke you got to do. And it's so stressful. I never like it. What about you? I was very lucky that they didn't try and make me do anything like funny, quirky. Right. We just kind of said the nominees. Banter stuff. Because I get really uncomfortable with that. Yeah, that's the best. That's the safest way to go because some people who try to do something that they don't feel comfortable, it shows, right?

12:27Yeah, I once had to carry Aziz Ansari out on stage at Golden Globes once. That was part of our bit. I don't remember what followed that, but I just remember carrying him out and, like, literally smelling my SAG card burning in my back pocket. I just felt like, oh, that's over. There it is. What year was that, Jason? Forget it. Moving on. So, he doesn't know. He doesn't know. So Natalie Portman, my God, it's so great to have you here. Yeah, it is. I mean, where do we even start with this? Oh, I've got a series of questions if you want me to start. I know. Start with a lot of things. I've done some prep.

13:02The last time I saw you, Natalie, I was interviewing as the guest host of the Jimmy Kimmel show. Yes. And it was super fun. Not so long ago. I know. It was like a year ago. Wait, wait. So you were the guest and Sean was the host? Yeah. Come on. Yes. Yeah. And how hard was it masking the disappointment that Jimmy wasn't there for the entire? Well, she's got skills. She's got an award to prove it. It was a delight. It was wonderful. It was for Thor. And if you remember, Scotty, my husband, did some bit with you. He was dressed as Thor in the audience. It was great. Oh, what a highlight for Natalie.

13:37Jesus Christ. You were probably like, oh, God, I got to do a bit like Thor. I think about it often. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure. Do you remember your questions? Do you remember your questions for her, Sean, at all? Oh, God, I don't. I don't. I was enamored. I'm enamored. I'm such a massive fan. Thank you. And so many things you've done. She's the goods. I think you asked me about how I got my muscles for Thor. Oh, yeah. How did you get your muscles? Tell us. We didn't see the episode. CG. No, really? CG. No. Yeah. No, I don't buy it. You trained. Well, didn't you like? I worked out. Yeah. Yeah, you didn't have Thor level.

14:14Well, they made me 6 '4", which is pretty great to know that that's possible. Yeah. Yes. Now, that reminds me, during my incredible research for this, when you did Black Swan, you went, now you studied ballet when you were a kid, but you did like six months of training for that, I want to say? Yeah, it was actually almost a year of training, and yeah, it was really fun. Because you had to or you wanted to. Like, what kind of actor are you? Do you love to do the research or do you just like to kind of wing it? I think it depends what the research is. I mean, like, I mean, if I'm lucky enough to get to work on something that I want to learn all the stuff.

15:00Right. That's, like, the most fun. Like, Jackie, like, that was a huge responsibility. You had to study, study, study and make sure you got that as accurate as possible. Yeah, that's super scary. Have you played real people before? No, I'm too much of a coward. I'd say no to all of them. I mean, even things that are even close. Although in air, I played a real guy, but no one has any tape on him. So I could just kind of do whatever I wanted to do. You do a real great impression of your uncle too, right? That nobody knows. Including me. He doesn't even know who he is. How do you expect him to play another person?

15:37I feel like we kind of glided over that too quickly. His name is John and he's a fantastic man. Remember Pete Serafinowicz? It just made me think. Remember Pete Serafinowicz did that thing years ago where he did 50 impressions in under a minute and they were all of fictitious people, which was the best. We'll be right back.

16:04And now back to the show. I want to ask just a question about the Globes again, about the award shows in general. because you look so I love your dress on the golden globes by the way it's beautiful and and do you like do you like it's a common question but do you like the dress up and this and all of that as far as globes or would you like you know what I do it but I'd rather be home in my sweats or do you enjoy it um you know I I used to think it was kind of uh oppressive and like why do women have to spend all this time yeah discomfort and you know the men get to like roll out of bed and wear something they're warming and like aren't, you know, sucking in their stomachs or whatever.

16:47And now having kids, I feel like it's a pretty, it's pretty fun to like have people like make you feel good and go glam, go glam after you're just like, I don't think you own sweats. I own so many sweats. You do really? Yeah. And I really kind of only wear them in real life, which has been, we moved to Paris last and you really can't wear sweats in Paris. You do get kicked out of the country. Mm-hmm. You just get your visa taken away. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Do you live in Paris now? I live in Paris now, yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. What a switch. Yeah, it's a really different lifestyle. Now, how many languages do you know?

17:31I speak Hebrew and English, obviously English, and my French is, like, fine. Like, I can do everything I need to do. It's just not grammatically correct or sophisticated in any way. That's okay. At least they're not judgy. Did you know any of it before you moved there? Yeah, I took it in high school. But, like, how many years? I took it in high school, too, but I can't. Yeah, I took it, like, four years. Well, that's good. Yeah. You didn't do it like I did where you take French 1 and French 2 twice because the first time you took them, it didn't count towards your credits. and then I was like, oh, you know what, now that it's credits, I'll just take the two years that I already know so that my class is easy.

18:11That's... A dumb guy. That's smart. Yeah. It's a complicated language. It is. Why? Will, you know it fluently, don't you? I do speak a lot of French, yeah. But I don't want to... Listen, it's not here for me to show off. Ask her a question in French. No, no, no. Yeah, I want to hear that. Let's hear it. So, where do you live in Paris? Oh, I live in the 7th. Oh, d 'accord. She lives in the 7th. Yes. When you come back to L.A., do you love L.A.? Because I feel like I don't love L.A. when I'm here, but when I come back here, I'm like, oh, I'm just used to it here. I'm used to a good thing here, and I'm reminded how much I really do enjoy this city.

18:58I do love L.A. I mean, I love L.A. because I feel like you discover it. You know, like there's, it's not an obvious city. Yeah, because you're always driving. Yeah, but you have to find the good stuff. You know, like a city like Paris or New York announces itself. You can just, here you've got to kind of like search and find the good, interesting stuff. And there's lots of it. You're like, oh, I've been driving by that cool little restaurant my whole life. And I never stopped. Have you ever been to the Huntington Gardens in Pasadena? I was there yesterday. You're kidding. Don't you love that place?

19:34My favorite place in the city. Yeah, mine too. Wait, I've never been. Will you guys take me? Yeah. And I'm kind of a garden nut. You've never been? Oh, my God, Jay. I don't think I have. That's so exciting. You're going to have, like, the best discovery. Wait, don't you think that's weird that you just said that and I brought up the garden? That's wild. Jay, don't sell yourself short. You're not a garden nut. You're just a nut. Yeah, that's true. Many different nuts. but do they have a Japanese garden there because I may have been there to look at that they do and wait what's the no truly because there was a moment where I was so into a Japanese garden that I went to go look at a few and there's one at UCLA I went and looked at and then maybe there is maybe it was the Huntington Gardens the other one what's the Chris Farley Beverly Hills Ninja yeah yeah yeah yeah remember that yeah sure shot at the Japanese garden when they go to Japan really It's just the Huntington Garden.

20:28It's the best. No way. It's important. Just maybe have a rewatch before you go to the visit. I will. I'll brush up. But I sometimes, Natalie, I sometimes go there alone just because I love it. I love walking around. It's the best place in the city. I know. There's so much. The Desert Garden is like walking on the moon. And then you know what I do afterwards? I go to the Pie and Burger for a burger and a piece of pie. Clever. Only a few blocks away. You could call me before you do these semi-suicidal walkabouts. You know, I'll walk with you. Okay, come. I'd love it. I would love it. It's so peaceful and beautiful.

21:06Sean, what do you think about? What do I think about what? When you're walking through the garden. What do you think about? What you're going to have on the burger. What's running through your mind. What kind of pie. What is your go-to pie, Sean? I think about Natalie Portman. I think about what she's doing right now. Thank you. Why are we calling together. Yeah, we should do this together. Yeah, I would love it. It's so fun. I would love, Sean, I mean, Jason, how great would it be to be walking in the Japanese garden and hunting garden and run into Sean and Natalie walking? Holding hands, walking through the Japanese garden.

21:33Arm in arm. I would look around for where is the camera. What are you guys shooting? Yeah, right. Sure. All right, Natalie, let's get into the teeth of this interview here. God, it's going to be hard hitting. Let's see here. It's all out of Wikipedia. No, what, what, what, what, because mom nor dad were into the business, right? No. Dad's a fertility doctor. Oh, yeah, yeah. Mom's a painter. Right. Did you see Our Father? No. Uh-oh. Is that like one of those bad fertility doctors? Oh, no. That's not your dad. I'm just saying it's a really interesting documentary. I remember there was a TV movie when I was little where everyone, they realized that the fertility doctor was like messed up because everyone had the eye patches at the playground.

22:20Yeah. And they realized that there was like one genetic donor for all of the children in the neighborhood. So all the kids had eye patches.

22:32Anyway, nightmare. Wow. So what was it? Well, wait. So you're minding your own business. Somebody saw you in a store or something. They said, hey, do you want to be a kid model? You were like, no, but you did think, well, maybe I'll go get an agent and start doing commercials, maybe? Jason, you know so much about me. But that's not accurate, right? It's like kind of I'm around the facts, but not really nailing them. Yeah, no, I really liked them. I was 10 years old. Yes. And I like, I'm from Long Island. I'm from the real Long Island. Not out there where all you elites are, aren't they? I never went to the Hamptons until I was like 35.

23:16Me neither. Johnny Range Rover. Me neither. By the way, for what it's worth. I grew up in, like, the mall. Yeah. And, yeah, a lot of kids I grew up with were, like, auditioning and doing commercials and stuff to make money for college. And I told my parents, like, I want to do that, too. And they were very reluctant because they are just, like, you know, kids who are actors end up in... Yeah, like Jason. Rob and liquor stores. Yeah. Like me. End up in trouble. Yeah, the golf addiction. And, yeah, and I convinced them to let me, and then they let me, and... But it was purely to finance a future education.

23:57Like, it wasn't, you didn't have, like, some, like... Not even. It was just because I wanted to. I mean, my dad, my dad, like, insisted on paying for my college and stuff anyway, so it was just really fun for me, and, yeah. And did you start with, did you start selling cereal, and... I never got commercials. I always tried out. Wow. Really? But I never got anything, like, of the, like, children's things. I just got straight into the professional. That was number one. And that was Luc Besson, right? Wait, was that your first job? That was my first job. That was my first job. No way. Yeah. I did one.

24:37I was an understudy in an off-Broadway musical before that. What was it? That was the one thing. It's called Ruthless. Wait, and you want to know who else was cast as the understudy in that? Lindsay Lohan. No. Correct? No. Sorry, Britney Spears. Britney Spears. No way. Britney Spears was the under... I took over for her. No way. When I was 10. And then I got... Yeah. That's crazy. I didn't know that. Have you seen her since? I did. So you were 11 when you did The Professional? I was 11. I turned 12 while we were shooting. Oh, my God. That is so crazy. So you've seen Britney Spears since? Yes. And you guys did a little high five about, look how far we've come.

25:16We did. We did. We threw a New Year's party together when we were 18. No way. Oh, wow. That's cool. Yes, way. Hang on a second. That sounds like a good party. It was a good party. You guys at 18, that must have been like... Maybe 99. 1999. Good. It must have been an enormous party. Was it huge, that party? It was a good party. What month? What month was... What month's your birthday? Oh, my birthday is June. June what? I thought you were asking what month they had their New Year's party in. Oh, it was New Year's. Oh, it was New Year's. I thought you said it was a birthday party. It was a New Year's party?

25:52It was a New Year's party. Okay, so 99. Oh, my God. Okay. I used to love throwing parties. God damn it. Right? Remember parties? Remember when we used to throw parties? Now the only parties we throw are for the kids. Yep. That's it. Bouncy houses. Yeah. Yeah. Snacks. Were you worried at all when you became a young actor and you're doing the professional, your first film job, which is insane, still insane to me. Were you worried that you would end up at certain, were your parents worried that you'd end up like on a camping trip on, you know, mountain bikes with Leif Garrett? Like, did that ever, like, was that a concern for you?