"RE-RELEASE: Nate Bargatze"

12:45Sean Hayes:Wait, so Nate, so your dad, Sean was going to ask this. So your dad made a living as a magician. He did. He was a teacher, too. Like, so he had a day job, and then he would do that. And then we were always in Nashville. And so he's just always done it. And, I mean, he's very successful. He's very known in the magic world. He comes with me and opens for me a lot on the road. No way. And he will do these shows. And, you know, it's every little boy's dream. Travel to your dad when you're 44 years old. So you got a little CPAP machine hooked up in a tour bus. It's a good time.

13:18Will Arnett:You got some ramps on the side of that stage? I mean, we had our bus parked out one time, and it was my dad, my mom, and my aunt. And I was like, people probably go by this tour bus, and they're like, it's pretty rocking in there. And I mean, we got, it's lights off, quiet, just the roar of machines keeping everybody alive. And the smell of liniment. Wait, so did you ever perform in the magic shows with your dad? I did some, yeah. I would help him with magic. You ever get cut in half? No, no, we didn't ever do that. He never did that, go that far. He did a sleight of hand. A lot of sleight of hand, and he does comedy.

13:56Oh, it's my favorite. Yeah.

13:57Sean Hayes:So then when you, what age were you when you were like, actually kind of to what, Jason, you kind of alluded to, but did you start just like being a wise-ass on the side of your dad's stage while he was doing magic? Like, is that how stand-up started for you? I think it was just being funny. We would, like, I remember seeing stand-up, It was just trying to make people laugh. I don't think I ever really made fun of anybody. Right. But it was like I would make fun of myself a lot, which is what I do now in my comedy show. Yeah, it's the best. It'd be like you'd be doing stuff like that, making fun of you.

14:28He had, I mean, one time, I've talked about this in a special on one of them, but it was like he brought the Easter Bunny home when I was like six. He was at a mall doing a show, and the Easter Bunny needed a ride home. And my dad goes, I'll give you a ride home if you swing by my house. And so I remember the Easter Bunny, we had like, my parents had this old red Mazda stick shift, you know, and the Easter Bunny's head was bent to the side because his head couldn't fit in the car.

14:57Will Arnett:Sure. So he was just, he was sitting like this. And then he got out and I met the Easter Bunny. And then my dad drove the Easter Bunny home.

15:06Sean Hayes:So that started your, the Easter Bunny, you say? That was the, yeah, that was the trajectory. I go, all right. I go, if I can be that guy, then maybe I can make it as a standout.

15:16Will Arnett:Now, what was your mom's attitude on her husband's career? My parents have been together since seventh grade. And they, my mom's very funny. But she worked at a bank. I mean, she's just been, I mean, it's just stuff. There's like, growing up, it's buying, you know, she has to go, my dad would be like, go to the store, I need you to buy 12 lemons. and he has to buy for like his magic or a bunch of newspapers from that day. It's like a bunch of random, and it's just normal conversation. You're just like, it's a Tuesday. You're just trying to grab some bread, milk, and 30 oranges, and then you get on out of there.

15:55And handkerchiefs in six colors. He's got a lot of shows this week. It's just stuff like that. That's cool.

16:02Sean Hayes:Wait, wait. So, Nate, so I want to kind of get, again, we're the worst interviewers on the planet. We were just voted worst ever interviewers. We nailed it. Of all time. Yeah. But I want to go back because we, again, because you play these huge arenas and it's amazing. And I don't, I don't know if I've ever seen a comic so comfortable. You make it so intimate, even though you're playing a huge, there's something about it that makes it so personal and you, and you're so organic. Yeah, you draw us in as opposed to ask for. And we're talking about authenticity. You're very authentic. But you, that feels like you, that when you started, you must have started in clubs like in smaller venues right like like most comics yeah i imagine oh yeah so i moved to chicago first for a couple years and then i moved to new york and i was in new york for the most for like eight and a half years and so i did all the clubs and all the like going up every single night i performed for one guy once oh my god no way like he wouldn't leave we tried to get him to leave and he's like nah it's all right and you're like we don't think it's all right it really wasn't about him you're like what's it like i don't want to stand up in front of a god uh regularly up in front of four people five six like i mean six people was like got a pretty good show going on you know you're yeah you were excited about no way yeah so you just get used to just being in these kind of like you know it takes a long time before you're in front of like an actual pain crowd that's good but what does that do for you what does that do for you like rhythm wise etc when you're just doing six people like well i had to learn to get people into my rhythm very quickly so since i'm talk slower and i'm from south and all this i had to figure out because i would follow like high energy acts and then i'd come up and i'm like well i gotta come up with a joke or i gotta say something i just need you to hear my voice for a second so you can go like all right readjust and be like now we're in this rhythm and then get into the first kind of that's good you know come up with a good like opening little thing or whatever and just get rolling.

18:02You know what always blows my mind about stand-ups, though? Like how you can just walk around the stage for two hours and always have something to talk about. Like how do you, is it like a monologue you memorize? Or like how can you just go up and speak? God, he's going to love show business, do you think? For two hours straight.

18:21Will Arnett:Yeah, Sean, where do you get a load of her? He's going to love show business. He's going to love it. Two-thirds of the planet is water. there's a couple of polls no you know what I mean that always blows obviously you had material that you work on but do you ever like there's your answer go up and you're like oh my god I don't know what subject to talk about next like the flow of well I don't go up yeah I go up prepared I mean I can't do the other I can't really do like crowd work go up and it's very very he's not freestyling bro he's been working on it for months I know

18:53Sean Hayes:but Nate do you ever switch Nate do you ever switch the order based on the audience Oh, yeah. This new hour, I've switched it a ton. But it's worked because now I'm opening on a joke that I have closed on. So it's like it's great to be opening on a joke that I've actually had to have the energy and the rhythm of a closer. And then you just move it up and now it's the front. And you're doing those decisions on the fly. Yeah, you just fill it out. It's like, I mean, it's kind of like a song. Like I'm in love with stand-up right now. like I love it so much and it's uh I the way I've looked at writing kind of is like uh it's a movie so I'm the main character of this movie and I'm not I'm telling the story I'm not there's a there's a you know a reason for be saying all this stuff and everything leads into the other thing so you want to make it where people don't realize you're into another joke but in my head

19:45Will Arnett:I could be on like joke five right but you're trying I'm trying to make it where like they'll And then that's how you remember it because the only way, you know, if you're talking about like riding a car and then you're like, my wife bought a car. Well, now that's the only thing I could go into. Right, right. And we will be right back. Oh, boy. You know, we talk about closets a lot on this show. We sure do. Kicking the door down, coming on out. We're basically talking about that closets are for clothes. Oh, I just knew. And I've taken that too much to heart because my closet is stuffed. I've been meaning to go through my closet.

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23:30Will Arnett:of of telling stories as opposed to jokes was it like a george carlin or because i seem to remember he was he was kind of like that too right yeah well a big yeah cosby was one oh yeah you know obviously but like that if you go like watch his old stuff it was it's very storytelling all that kind of stuff i'm a big seinfeld fan seinfeld was uh he was i kind of think because i always looked at like i tell stories but in a joke form like so it's i mean i try to never be too far from the laugh because the farther you are from a laugh the bigger the laugh has to be and i don't want to put that much pressure on a laugh so if i can just kind of keep it that's interesting going and let it build it's like you know it doesn't you're just not putting the weight of the world on this you're like because if you go silent too long I mean there's a point where you're like well this joke better be unreal

24:20Sean Hayes:Sean tried stand up and we won't get to his opening joke but he was he started so far from the laugh and then he never got even to the same area code as the laugh you know what I mean like he never he never he never had actual direct sight on the laugh they never got a clean look at it turned into a lecture and there's no way you're like no he's supposed to go well he'll never get out now Even with a series of mirrors, he couldn't see the laugh. It was so obscured. That's how I drive around town. I only take right-hand turns. But, Nate, biggest bombing story? Like, did you just, like, oh, my God, this is the worst, like?

24:57Yeah. Yeah, there's a bunch. I mean, you'd blame it on it. I had one one time I thought it was the shirt I wore, and so I threw that shirt away. I had a button-down shirt, and I tucked it in. I've never done that since. For real? Yeah. I was like, it wasn't me. I was just like, this shirt. Couldn't have been the material.

25:13Will Arnett:This fucking shirt is killing me. What is this guy's shirt? What is this guy's deal? I've done a cruise ship. Say no more. Yeah, I won a contest, and your prize was to set your career back five years and do cruises. And so I go out, and I'm doing it. And you got to do, like, you got to do a bunch of shows. So you do 30 clean, 30 dirty. I never had dirty. So it's like I couldn't even. And then you would do one, another show. so you needed honest because sometimes these people would come back and watch multiple shows so you needed to have you know two hours of material or do crowd or be able to mess with the crowd or something and i remember we we go up and you would do one show at the beginning of it you do like five minutes each and it's kind of just like it's in the big theater and you're kind of just letting the crowd know we're comedians we got a show back here blah blah so the other guy just was great and knew how to like, he shined a fly shot on the crowd, like just knew how to like really play with the crowd.

26:14Will Arnett:Always works. And he was like, come to my shows. Every show is different. And he like made a big announcement how they're all different. And then I went up and I said, my, I go, come to one. It may be the other one, but the other one will be the same. I had to like, I was like, do not come to all my shows. Most will be the same. I don't have enough material to have them all be different. So you can go to his shows. They will be different. Mine will be. And then I went and did a show. And it was, I started it. And, like, they didn't laugh. And I was like, oh, these people have been to every show.

26:48And I'm not a crowd work guy. You know, and I'm like, so what do you do, man? And, you know, some guy's like, he's an oil rigger in the ocean. It's actually a pretty crazy job. And I was like, that's cool. And I just moved on. It's like insane. People are saying crazy stuff. They're like, I'm a bank robber. I'm like, that's neat, man. What about you, ma 'am? I had nothing. No riffing. And then I had to ride in an elevator with these people. I'm in the elevator in the ocean. You think it sounds like I made it. And I'm just sitting there and I had a hat on and I just hear some guy just trashing me.

27:20And I'm, my shoulder's touching him. And I just have to sit there and get off.

27:26Will Arnett:But they do separate them between clean and dirty on a cruise ship. That's exclusive to a cruise ship? Yeah, it would, you would just have a show that's like the kids can come to this show. Your family can come to this show. and then you'd have like a night at, you know, 11 p.m. is like an adult-only show. You still can't be that dirty, but the idea of it is a little more, you know.

27:46Sean Hayes:Yeah, you could have just dropped in a couple F-bombs just randomly. I get a curse as I talk about parking. I'm like, you guys have a parallel parking lot. And they're like, this guy's filthy. Yeah, I didn't even have any. I didn't even have, I had no dirty jokes. Like there's no, I don't really, I don't talk about sex or like political. Like there's nothing like really like that's kind of like this. What about political sex? Will you ever touch political sex? Is that something that you'd be willing to do? That I will. If the right joke comes up. Sure. You know, it is funny. It is remarkable how clean your stand-up is.

28:19Sean Hayes:And a lot of people, it's such a weird thing to have to say to point it out, but I guess it is worthy of pointing out. And it is, to me, such a testament to how profoundly funny you are. Honestly, and I hope it is a badge of honor for you. It should be. because it really, you find ways to talk about stuff and you don't need to swear.

28:39Will Arnett:I swear like a... Cosby never cursed.

28:43Sean Hayes:Famously never cursed. Well, again, let's not try to look at, so let's not.

28:47Will Arnett:Yeah. But... No, let's go down the avenue of Cosby and clean, you know? Yeah. This guy... So, Nate, wait. Did you, so at home, what's it like at home? So, like, do you check out, do you run jokes by your wife? Does she okay them? Is she sick of hearing them? Like, what is that dynamic at home? I'll tell her. Yeah. She knows about every joke that comes up. Because that's something I had to learn to when you make fun of your wife at the beginning is you have to show love. Like, you have to show, because people, because I remember at the beginning, the reaction would be like, well, why are you married?

29:21And so then you're like, well, that's not what I want. You don't need to have that reaction. So you have to then make fun of yourself, but with her, and you've got to do it in a way where they can tell that you do love your wife. You love your family. And so it's just kind of like just making fun of each other. But, yeah, I'll run by stuff.

29:40Sean Hayes:But that comes across, and you do that bit about the guy coming to replace the water heater in your other special, and you go, finally, the guy realizes you don't know what you're talking about. He thinks, maybe this is a modern relationship. And he says to Nate, the guy says, is your husband here? and then you go, yeah, I think she's here somewhere.

30:00Sean Hayes:It's so good. And it is, like you said, you're self-deprecating. You're the butt of the joke, which I think is always such a winning combo. You're not making fun of somebody. You're not having a laugh at somebody else's expense. You're not putting somebody else down to make yourself funny, which is great. Yeah. I just never liked it. Like, I felt bad. I mean, I would, like, make fun of my buddies and comics and stuff. Yeah, yeah. But in the audience, you just, I just always felt, you know, it's like this person's just trying to sit there. They don't need it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he'll be, like, big, what's your shirt?

30:33Your shirt's stupid. And then I got my shirt on tucked in. Right? Don't we all got stupid shirts? Yeah.

30:41Will Arnett:Do you still live in Tennessee? Yeah. I moved back. So I was gone, like, 13 years. And then we've been back for about nine. Yeah. I hear it's beautiful down there. Yeah, it's so good, right? Yeah, I'm born and raised there. It's great. We have as much of a normal life as it can be. We live in a cul-de-sac, the house at the top, so we have the leaders. And we set the tone for it. I have a joke. I'll just say it's my new act, Russ, and we do all in our cul-de-sac. We do all the right things. Like if someone pulls down there, we're like, what are you doing down our street? any car we don't know, we just run out and be like, you better get out of our course.

31:25I mean, just furious if they come down there. Brothers and sisters growing up? I have a younger brother and a younger sister. So you're the oldest of the three. I am. And do they, are they finding you funny all the time? Or like, yeah? Yeah, yeah, my brother's like three years younger than me. My sister's about 10. I've talked about her in a special and she works for me now too. So that's fun. I mean, you get yelled at by her.

31:53Sean Hayes:I mean, you got your whole family. You got your sisters working for you. And then you're on tour with your mom and dad and your aunt. That's cool, though. That's cool. It's pretty rad.

32:04Will Arnett:I don't think you've said this, but you have kids. Sorry, do you have kids? Yeah, I have an 11-year-old daughter.

32:09Sean Hayes:Why are you so nervous to ask him that, Jason? By the way, he's married. He said he's not available. What are the kids' ages? I did say before, don't ask about if I have kids. oh all right i guess okay uh yeah now i have one 11 year old daughter oh okay great 11 year old

32:26Will Arnett:daughter and what does it seem like she's going to want to do with her life does she want to uh she loves horses right now so i don't know that sounds expensive that's expensive it is i don't i don't even know where no one we don't come from horse stuff you know you're not you're not horse people no there's never horse people but uh she loves horses so right now she's kind of doing that stuff but she's very creative very funny and she you know uh will get me and my wife laughing a lot you know and like i think i gotta teach her where to where the joke you gotta be like all right well you gotta be serious yeah isn't that funny it's like there's there there's there's the little there's the age when they learn sarcasm they learn humor and but they don't yet know when to stop the joke they don't know when to do the joke um but you don't want to shame them because you don't want to kill their spirit or their sense of humor so you just got to kind of grin and bear with so many things in their life it's so incredible watching kids learn things that we forgot that we learned you know like it's amazing you know nothing until you learn it she can make fun of her friends recent and like i think but then they all got like it was like they did not like it and i was like and it was funny i forget what it was but it was like it was something funny but you're like all right you got to understand you're like you gotta some people will be able to handle it like right you know she just is all about the joke because it's obviously just our you know her grandfather's a magician a comedian like so it's it's a lot of joking i think yeah i think that

33:58Sean Hayes:making fun of your friends is is not a good path to go down it's not um unless it's sean

34:04Will Arnett:successful unless it's sean i mean it's such a big button to hit no i thought we're talking about friends yeah sean yeah oh right yeah you know what i mean feel warm inside where's that what what's after syracuse where do you go next uh albany so we started in of course yeah of course

34:20Sean Hayes:yeah and what and just fucks connected to you like what are you doing dude yeah this is the route i know we started last night we were in philly at the far like it was where the uh the sixers play no way big thing and then it then it goes syracuse and then it'll go albany and then These are the two that Fallon wanted to come to, with Syracuse and Albany. Yeah, of course. Those are big venues. I think he's from up here, yeah. He is. He's from upstate New York. What arena or place are you playing tonight in Syracuse? The arena. The Carrier Dome, probably, right? Is that what it is? No, no. Is that used to be?

34:56No? Yeah, no. I've been to a game there. That's like a huge.

34:59Sean Hayes:Okay. I've been to a basketball game there. You can fill it. Even when basketball courts set up, people buy tickets that are like, I don't think they can see the court. They're sitting behind the court.

35:10Will Arnett:Would there be a crowd that's just too big for a comedy show? It needs to be a little bit more intimate. Like 20 ,000 people is right at the max, maybe, or no? Yeah, I mean, it's all about how you make it feel. At the arenas, we have these big screens. I've put more speakers up so everybody can hear it everywhere. You really do try to make it intimate. I mean, you can tell everybody gets real quiet. I mean, that's the cool, it's one of the coolest things is when you're telling a joke and you're, this many people are quiet. Yeah, right. You know, and they're just, I mean, you could, I could yell with no microphone and the top person could hear me.

35:45It gets that quiet. That's so cool. So, yeah, I mean, I'd imagine if you did a stadium, you know, I could see it getting a little, you know, and we're in the middle, too, of an arena. So, I'm, it makes it, I'm a lot closer to everybody.

36:00Sean Hayes:Do a hundred thou, do a hondo. Come on, Nate. Do the big house in Michigan.

36:06Will Arnett:Have you ever had a moment where you kind of scare yourself a little bit by thinking about all the eyes that are looking at you and that they're not talking and that it is silent and that you might not be doing well and you can't leave for another 45 minutes?

36:25Sean Hayes:Are you scared of the eyes?

36:27Will Arnett:I mean, have you ever had a panic attack on a stage and know that you can't leave for another hour. I have. Yeah. I mean, you've done it so long now that you're just like it's – I mean, keep your knees bent. It's happened to me. I mean, it's like – Yeah, yeah. I mean, I've done it now. It's like, yeah, I mean, you think about it. I had an SNL like a little bit when I did the monologue. I was more nervous with the monologue because it's like stand-up and you're like, I'm supposed to be good at this. And then you've got to kind of deliver the jokes into the camera, but there's the crowd. and so like it was very weird to deliver jokes to kind of a spot where no one's at right and you're right on the heels of of sitting of standing back behind that flat behind the band right that little narrow little plank and the whole crowd is silent and they're counting down to that live moment to america like it becomes really tangible like you're not just live in front of you know you know a crowd it's beaming across you know the planet oh yeah like it's real tangible there yeah you're like i could say anything right now and they're going to hear it right now because it's live you know yeah yeah remember when i used to remember like 20 jokes when i was when i was a kid used to love them um and now i can only remember like one or two but from back then no they're not that great do you have any jokes you want to hear a guy tell a joke inside out go ahead i do get a little tripped up um do you have a joke from when you were a kid that that you'll never forget you may not use it in your act but it's just like just a classic that was one of your favorites uh yeah i didn't use it in my act to go you you say you do i ain't no i didn't hang on to your like i kept it i still read a joke book when i was five and uh I'm closing on it.

38:17I remember the joke. I said it was a joke book or something, and a guy goes, waiter, there's a spider. There's a fly in my soup. And then the waiter goes, well, don't worry. The spider on your bread will get it. And it was a picture of a spider on the bed. And so my dad always brings it. I remember that joke, and then my dad brought it up because I was explaining why the joke was funny to him and kind of going through it. Like, here's why this is funny, you know. So that one was the first one, but I let it go.

38:50Sean Hayes:Do you guys have jokes from when you were a kid that you'll never forget? One joke that's appropriate to tell? Is there one, like, a go-to that you remember? I had a joke book when I was really little. You have a joke book now, but keep going. It's not funny. It was funny when I was, like, six years old. It's like, where do dead people go in your house? And it was the living room. I have one which is like people always say that ballet is really hard to do. And so I always say just don't do it. Yeah. Oh, see, Nate laughed. Nate laughed at that. That was Sean's opening joke when he did stand-up.

39:27Sean Hayes:And what is it?

39:28Will Arnett:This would probably be interesting for folks, including me. What are the – how do you do the economics of being a stand-up? I'm assuming you have to bear all the costs of the trucks and the infrastructure and all that stuff. and then you get to keep whatever you don't spend on what it costs to put the show up, right? And you're making your money based on ticket sales and merchandise perhaps? Full stop. Yeah, yeah. I mean, merch is not the biggest thing in stand-up. Why? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, we've had it, we've done it at shows and it's just, it's not like a concert or people don't. Like I was saying, like stand-up's still kind of, it's kind of a newer thing.

40:08Like Cosby's like one of the first, he's still alive. and like, you know, like he knew Lenny Bruce. And then Carl...

40:14Sean Hayes:Don't, you gotta, if I could give you one piece of advice. If we could just lose the Cosby references. If we could get it down to single digits, it would be great. Yeah.

40:25Will Arnett:You guys, all right.

40:26Sean Hayes:Or you know what? I'm gonna just, I'm gonna send you a couple articles. Harvey Weinstein and I once set up an LLC. But, but, but, so, so you've got this, you've got this huge... apparatus yeah apparatus right like yeah but you know you know you could do it without it you get like a deal so you have promoters and then the yeah you are i think the it's like the promoter is the one that's putting the money for like the the renting of the venue right and then i'm paying then it comes out of mind of the show budget of the speakers and the all that stuff and so you can you can have it go as low or as big as you want it to go uh who's your manager who are your peeps Brillstein Brillstein and UTA Yeah We'll be right back Did you know that you can buy your car completely online at Autotrader?

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44:19All right, back to the show. By the way, backing way up to the beginning of this interview What is Bargatze? What is the nationality of Bargatze? It's Italian Oh, it is? First of all, don't spit it out like that It's Bargatze

44:33Will Arnett:What the fuck is haze, you son of a bitch? What the fuck is wrong with you?

44:38Sean Hayes:Sorry, Nate Jesus I never I mean, I knew it Hey, by the way, what the fuck is Bargatze? I've just never heard of Darian This has really been a bee in my bonnet for a minute How do you even spell that? I know, I can't even begin to spell it. I knew that, but I forgot that I knew that. Italian, wow. I think we say it wrong as a family, too. I think it's supposed to be Bargazzi, and we say Bargazzi. Like, it's just we've Southerned it up. Oh, I say Bargazzi. Yeah, I think a lot of people would. Don't people say Bargazzi? When I lived in New York, they would always be like, Bargazzi, because it's like Italian, and I was like, you know.

45:11Bargazzi. I was like, I don't like tomatoes.

45:14Will Arnett:Do you have family in Italy? I don't, you know. You don't know, yeah. I think we've all agreed to kind of go. We had a family union once, and we had family come over from Italy, and we got Kentucky Fried Chicken for them. And I think it was like from that moment was just kind of like, all right, y 'all have a good life. We did it. We're going to do our thing. We got to do y 'all's thing. And we just kind of gone our separate ways.

45:40Sean Hayes:Nate, what do you like to do in your free time? And you've got a lot of time, like, on a bus or you're touring or on the plane or whatever. What do you watch? What are the things? Are you a sports guy? Do you watch other stand-ups? Is it Candy Crush?

45:54Will Arnett:How are you occupying your minutes? Yeah, I'm a big sports guy. So I watch a lot of golf, like any sports, golf, UFC. I watch a lot of UFC. Oh, you do? Yeah, I'm a big fan of UFC.

46:06Sean Hayes:I wanted to peg that. I wanted to peg you for a big UFC. It's just the most, the honesty of it. with like Dana White just in the fighters, they can say whatever they want. And so there's no, you know, like when Tom Brady, is he going to retire or not retire? It's like, it's all kind of a game and a show. And UFC kind of really is like, we just got a dude that just says, I want to fight this guy. Right. And then it just gets to it. And you're, I don't know, I kind of like, I love it. But there's no romance to that too, though, right? Like the kind of buildup to it. I mean, then they get in the, you know, then they don't like each other.

46:42and then you go in there and watch them fight. It's not just watching a street fight. You're watching two professionals that have to fill each other out.

46:49Sean Hayes:So you watch UFC, you watch golf. You like to play golf. You play golf when you're on the road? Some. It gets hard because of the shows and stuff. But, yeah, I'll play some on the road. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's kind of it. I mean, I don't know. It's like you're just running around, got a lot of stuff in. A lot of hanging out. Like the road is the most fun because it's just like a bunch of dudes. and, you know, this morning we went and we're in Syracuse and this place has a hot and cold plunge thing. Sure. So I've never done it. But they let us come in. So we woke up and did that. Wait, who is Boo Weekly?

47:25I saw something. Oh, yeah. What is that? So this is another, I told it on SNL, I told it in my act too. But Boo Weekly, because I have a joke about fighting orangutan at a county fair. Okay. And where I read the story was there's a golfer named Boo Weakley. And when he read, he said when he was 15, he got in, he goes to this county fair. He's from like Georgia, like 7, 7 Georgia. It's like the 80s, you know. And you could pay$5 to fight an orangutan. A orangutan would be in a boxing ring with boxing gloves. And so dudes would pay$5 to fight them. That's hysterical. Yeah, and then guys would get in there, and this orangutan would just knock people out.

48:15Because when I say this, I tell the whole story in my act, but I say because we didn't have the internet to look up how strong is an orangutan. It was all word of mouth back then. So, you know, you had to meet a guy that just fought an orangutan. And he's like, he's stronger than you think. You know, but the arms are so skinny. I know. That's what I thought as well. And the reach.

48:38Will Arnett:It's the reach. It's the jabs. It's the feet. Look at his feet. His feet's bigger than your, yeah, that strength comes from somewhere.

48:44Sean Hayes:And they'll rip your face off, too, if they want. Well, that's what Boo Weakley said. He goes, that's not written everywhere back in 1982 when you're fighting a rancid. The guy that does this doesn't go, oh, you sign a waiver.

48:56Will Arnett:Sure. Yeah. You don't realize until afterwards, like, that's why he has gloves on. If it gets the gloves off, there's a chance it will rip your head off. But, you know, what are you going to do? ride the scrambler again uh yeah i wonder if that's still in existence anywhere in the country i bet there's still a place so they peter i think peter got a hold of a lot of this sure and uh they knocked those things down and that one they were like you can't do that we're like all right we thought they liked it i'm glad you just had to tell us and we got rid of it fair Fair enough. Nate, what are you going to do today before the show?

49:36Will Arnett:Tell them you're busy. It was this, and then, yeah, it was just this. I don't have any. So you're packed. I got to read where I'm messing up the order a little bit, so I'll do that a little. And then we'll just hang out and be at the venue if there's – we do try to shoot basketball, like some of these arenas, if they have a basketball goal somewhere, we'll try to, like, mess around and shoot basketball and just kind of, you know, do whatever until –

50:02Sean Hayes:that's nice and then you're going and then you're going on tour you're gonna you got a new special you're shooting new special in phoenix uh yeah you love phoenix you love you've taught you did another you did your last special in phoenix i did my last special there and this one's going to be in the footprint center where the sons play so it's uh it's yeah it's it's yeah i mean it just kind of works out like touring wise like you just hit these towns like every two years or so And so it's just kind of like... And your family goes with you? Or do they stay home? They do some. Yeah, yeah. We went to Europe.

50:34Like, they came to Europe. They come to the... You know, they're not here in Syracuse or Albany. But they... I'm doing the Boston Garden. They're going to come to Boston.

50:43Will Arnett:Tell them to join you out in Phoenix for some of the best pizza in the world as voted by the voters. By the people. At Chris Bianco's. At Chris Bianco's Pizza. Go get some. Nate, can you do... I saw you do this one thing a long time ago. You don't have to do it if you're like, I got to go. But one of the funniest things I ever saw you do. Sorry, dude. Do you want me to stand up and do my act? Do you mind? I mean, can you just show us your tits real quick and then go to show?

51:09Sean Hayes:Do you mind doing it topless? Sorry, Sean. Show us your tits real quick. No, one of the funniest things was it was a story about meeting your wife's ex-boyfriend. Yeah, on the boat? Yeah. Yeah, we went. uh i gotta remember it but we went to it happened we're on the lake old hickory lake uh is that true yeah and we're in uh we're like in the water and then it's uh my wife's ex-boyfriend was on a another boat right and i didn't see him and she pointed it out like there's no reason to point it out and but she pointed it out so then yeah like all i can think of now like i'm i'm thinking about And then I look at her, and she's looking at him, and I feel like she's looking at him to see what her life would be like if she didn't marry me.

52:02And I was looking at him to see what my life would be like if I didn't marry her. So we're both putting a lot of pressure on this guy. And then my buddy told me, he was like, you should go fight him. And I was like, he's on a boat. I got to swim over to that fight. Have you ever tried to climb in a boat from water? It's not graceful. It's not easy. You don't come in with power. I would need his help to start the fight. Right, right. I think that was it. Yeah. It's so funny. But I just, I mean, we can all relate to meeting exes, you know, our current exes. It's never good. Yeah, I don't. I don't really have exes.

52:45All right. What are you talking about, Nate? Hang on a second. I know. I didn't go. I know, but that's what made it frustrating. I had no one to go show my wife, well, here's my wife. mine. Yeah. What do you mean? Because you, what, is she your high school sweetheart or something? No, we started dating like 20, 21. We met at Applebee's. We both waited tables at Applebee's. I was a host at the time.

53:07Will Arnett:Oh, that's great. I love that. You don't need to scream.

53:11Sean Hayes:Well, stuff is going, you know. Sounds like it's all good in the neighborhood or whatever. Yeah, we're all in the neighborhood. We're all in the neighborhood or something. We're big fans. We took our daughter.

53:22Will Arnett:What was your favorite thing on the Applebee's menu? Here we go. They had the chicken broccoli alfredo. I'd get no broccoli, you know? Yeah. Get that out of there. I hear ya. And then I'd say put it on the side just so the guy thinks I'm going to eat it. Then he would just take a full plate of broccoli back after. I'd go, ah, I got full on the other stuff. It's hilarious. That's so true. Like we're worried what they think. Yeah. Watch this.

53:48Sean Hayes:Do you think that's impressive? Sean, Applebee's menu backwards. Go. Cobbler. Apple cobbler. Of those kinds of restaurants... Chinese chicken salad. Pretty good. I'll eat that. Every place makes a Chinese chicken salad now. That's kind of like the new molten lava cake. Every place has a Chinese chicken salad. What makes it a Chinese chicken salad? Is it just because of the ginger dressing? They're the only ones that don't eat it.

54:17Will Arnett:And those crispy noodles. The crispy noodles and the...

54:22Sean Hayes:Yeah, you get the crispy... Chin chin. Chin Chin.

54:23Will Arnett:Listen, Sean, I don't have to tell you. Chin Chin. Chin Chin. Chin Chin does the best one. Yeah. One of the best ones. One of the best ones. Yeah, one of the best ones.

54:31Sean Hayes:Sean's highlighting his Chin Chin Chin. Wait, so of all those kinds of restaurants, I forget what you call them. Are they big box restaurants? No, chain restaurants. Chain restaurants. Have y 'all not been to one in a while? Like, you just got... It's been a minute, but I did like to see in your new special, Nate, says everything I learned, I don't know a lot that came from a big, like a building, like a higher education building. Everything I learned, I overheard at a Target or a Lowe's. The Lowe's. The line of Lowe's. Everything I overheard at a Target or Lowe's. Yeah, we're big chain. I mean, I grew up, like, we're, you know, I had an old joke about, like, I was a big, I don't like mom and pop shops because they can close, just they're like, we don't feel good today, and they close.

55:12Like, Walmart, Walmart, you know, they were a mom and pop shop at some point, and then they became, they got it together and became unreal.

55:20Sean Hayes:Yeah. Yeah. So. Yeah. I like those too. I like Mamba Chilis. Here's what I like. I like Chili's. And I'm not afraid to say. They have the great chocolate lava cake. If you want one, go to Chili's. Go to Chili's. And they also have the great, they used to have the Southwest egg rolls or whatever. They used to have those things. They were great. Me and Dax used to always go to, God, I love a Chili's.

55:41Will Arnett:What about Outback? They any good with the Bloomin' Onion? Yeah, yeah. We go to Outback a good bit. Outback. Scotty worked at TGIF. Oh, I used to love that. That's good too. That's fun. That's an intimidating menu. Dr. Pepper's doing some pretty amazing things right now. So if you are into Dr. Pepper, Diet Dr. Pepper. Is that right? They got some real good stuff going on. And some cherry, right? They got some cream soda, strawberry stuff. I mean, it's something, dude. They're showing off over there.

56:08Sean Hayes:Did we ever get any confirmation on the doctor portion of the Pepper? Like, did we ever see documentation to prove that he graduated? He suggests diet. What kind of doctor was he? Yeah, I mean... Dr. Pep, he was a poor guy. I do like Diet Dr. Pepper too. And I'm going to say this, I like their TV ads. Yeah. I think they're funny, the college football ads. I think they're real clever. Nate, before I let you go, how do you know Greg Garcia? How did that happen, this son of a gun? Speaking of son of a guns. So I've tried to make a bunch of shows that have never gone. We've had one show that we shot a pilot.

56:46and so Greg came in. I did not know him, but he came in, Danielle Sanchez-Witzel. She was showrunning it, and she's friends with Greg, and so Greg came in to help us do it. And I knew Greg Garcia's work, but I didn't know him when he first came in. So when he first came in, he's like, he's going to help us, and I was like, I don't know who this dude is. Yeah. I got to listen to this guy. And then we rewrote the whole script off just his ideas because they were so good. And obviously he's unreal. And so we just become really close and become friends. I was just with him this week, actually, at dinner with him because I had to go to L.A.

57:31for a second. And so, yeah, we became friends like that. And he comes out on the road too. I'm telling you, y 'all should come out on the road. If you want to get away and have a little fun trip, come on out.

57:44Sean Hayes:Dude, that would actually be really, really fun if you mean it. It's a fun thing. If you mean it. I swear. Fallon's coming tonight. Oh, yeah. We have a fun time. You just play cards or you play, you know, like we went to a casino last night in Philadelphia. Sean, I mean, first of all, this is your dream. They go to a casino and they're going to chain restaurants. I mean, you know, every single, every Cracker Barrel has got skit merch in front from Sean's car.

58:15Will Arnett:Cracker Barrel is one we didn't touch on. I've not been there, but I hear that's the one. Anywhere that can handle bus parking is all change stuff.

58:23Sean Hayes:Well, Greg Garcia is one of the all-time great guys. Super, super funny guy. One of the funniest pranks. He always, I'm not really like a big pranks guy, but he is so funny. He had a long joke and a prank. And I just, he's such a great guy. So, yeah, that makes sense that you guys would be pals. Well, listen, I'm going to return the offer and say next time you're out here in California, let's go play golf, man, and hang out and grab some lunch. Such a huge fan of yours, dude. Honestly, you're just the funniest, funniest, funniest dude. So funny. It's so good to see you. So exciting to see you.

58:56Sean Hayes:Just more and more and more people appreciate you. Really happy for your success. Truly, truly, truly. Yeah, man. Thank you. Yeah, thanks for having me on. Nate, thank you for doing this. What a thrill. Thank you for saying it.

59:06Will Arnett:What a thrill.

59:07Sean Hayes:All right. The great Nate Bergazzi. Thank you, buddy. Thank you, Nate. Thanks, Nate. Thank you, guys. See you, man. Have fun. Bye.

59:15Will Arnett:The great Nate. The great Nate. The great Nate. God, is he funny. Yeah. Like old school, clean, good, hilarious, nonstop funny. Hilarious. Yeah. God. He just seems like a real kind fella, you know? Yeah, I can't see him getting upset. I'm sure you could figure out a way to piss him off. How would you, what would be your strategy? If you really wanted to get Nate pissed off? I'd ask him this. I'd ask him questions over, I'd ask him the same thing over and over again, like I didn't understand. No, I think he'd be very patient with that. I don't think that would be his button pusher. No, like, no, but like if you, if you just went on and on about something, like you just really, honestly, truly didn't understand, I think it pisses anybody off.

59:56I wonder. Like, what are you not getting, right? Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

1:00:01Sean Hayes:No, we have a pretty high threshold. We have a pretty decent amount of patience for you in that regard.

1:00:07Will Arnett:What is the thing that gets you guys to anger quicker than anything else? Stupidity. People who don't think like I do.

1:00:15Sean Hayes:I have a short fuse for stuff I don't suffer. I have a short fuse for like, yeah, people who are incompetent or like can't like, like don't have common sense about like easy things. And then in the meantime, I'm the dumbest person on the planet and I probably do the same thing.

1:00:33Will Arnett:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I hate when people, like, punch down, you know? Yes. Like, mean to people because they know they can be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So lazy.

1:00:45Sean Hayes:Yeah, yeah.

1:00:45Will Arnett:It is.

1:00:47Sean Hayes:Punch down either, especially if it, you know, we do do a lot of joking around and we love to sort of rib each other and stuff. But anytime I see somebody who likes to, and we talked about with Nate, who likes to get a laugh at somebody else's expense. Yeah, yeah. Or you know what else hits pissing me off? Confident ignorance. That can also be super funny though. Yeah, sometimes. Well, and a character it can be.

1:01:14Will Arnett:Right, you have to do it on purpose. But yeah, a person who is much smarter or much more confident than they have a right to be is just grating. Because you have to spend an effort to convince them that you're buying it.

1:01:29Sean Hayes:But if you have no dog in that fight and you're just observing that person, it can be hilarious. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that is true. That is true.

1:01:36Will Arnett:By the way, I love playing those characters. Yeah, I do too. The character that's just an alpha everywhere and then the tough guy walks in and then they're beta. Hi, beta. Right, right, right, right, right. Exactly. But Nate, we should go see his show when he's out. He's so funny. I think we should meet him in Phoenix and go get some of that Bianco pizza.

1:01:57Sean Hayes:And then play some golf over there. You're not playing golf anymore. Not until October. I have to be disciplined, you know? I know. I mean, we can go to Nate's. Here it comes. We can go to his show and, like, participate, or we can go and just be a bunch of bystanders.

1:02:19Will Arnett:So dumb when we do that. Smart. Nice.

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