"Robby Hoffman"

14:16Will Arnett:Really? If it was funny, you threw it at. If you bombed, your brother hit you. You know, shut up. What the fuck? Right, right. You were told on the spot. Yeah. Well, with 10 kids, yeah. It was immediate all of the time. And you're saying that's cultural. That wasn't unique to your family. No, it was cultural. And yeah, we had a million cylinders flying all the time. Some people were crying. Some people were laughing. It was always together. There was not ever neat lines. There was never a time and a place. Like these types of concepts of, well, it's not the time or it's too soon. that language didn't even enter.

14:55Will Arnett:What was the big comedic influence in the house? Was there a particular comic that you guys like to all watch or movies or something like that? We didn't really do that, but my mother was very funny. Yeah. We liked laughing at her, mostly. My father was funny, objectively, like just jokes and stuff, you know, saying, you know, I shower once a week whether I need to or not or things like that. But the whole family is funny, but the whole family was also brutal. You know, I grew up, you know, everybody, we grew up poor, and my brothers were fighting, and there was a lot of physical abuse and toppling over each other, and I had five brothers, and my mother couldn't pull my brothers apart.

15:37But there was also laughing. Like, I don't know, it was all together all the time. So it doesn't mean I'm not scared. Are you the only girl? No, I have four sisters, too.

15:47Will Arnett:Oh, the time total.

15:48Sean Hayes:Do the math. You had ten in total. You had five brothers. What are you doing?

15:50Will Arnett:I didn't hold on to the top of the interview. What were you doing? It's a lot, Jason. I feel for you.

15:57Sean Hayes:It's a lot. It's so hard. He's still... When you're that pretty a face, you don't have to do so much. He doesn't have to listen. If he dips in, he dips in. I have to catch everything. I got to be on it. But if you're Jason Bateman, you catch this, you catch that. It's like... It's been an easy ride. It's been an easy ride since day one if you're Jason Bateman. Very soft hands. Who cares? He's a gay sex symbol. Who cares?

16:22Will Arnett:I'm a fucking icon. Hang on. A gay icon.

16:25Sean Hayes:Wait, so I thought I was a gay icon, to be honest, because I played a couple gay characters. It's Lady Gaga, Barbra Streisand, and Bateman. There you go. Wow. I'm out. Hey, Robbie, are you still close to your family? Yes. Yeah. That's so nice. That's so great. Yes, we're like the Kardashians, but Jewish and poor. Right. A lot of us are very close. Well, I love, so I won't ask you to say jokes again, but as a fan, I have to repeat some of them because they're funny. And so when you said having money for the first time, you would go over somebody's, this is so funny. You went over to somebody's -

17:01Will Arnett:So we bait her into saying it. No, she didn't have to. Say it wrong and then she's going to correct you. And he can, you know what? Smart strategy, go. That's okay.

17:07Sean Hayes:When you're just jacked, I also give a pass. Sean, do your impression of Robbie. Robbie, he does a great impression of you all the time. Do the whole thing. Do it. Yeah, so I went over to Skye's, you know, these people's house and I was like no the anti-semitism at 9.50 a.m. is astonishing right well I'm like I come in here I worked last night they said 9 a.m. she comes in here on her time off on a Sunday 9 a.m. Sunday the Lord's Day she's giving her time and Sean you gotta do this cliche fucking what are you doing dude so much work and then I gotta hear this aunties go on Sean finish it up

17:46Will Arnett:Sean start with an oi you dick Yeah, here we go. Literally. No, that you, God, I forgot what I was going to say. Oh, yeah. That you, when you first started being around richer people with money, because you come, I come from a very similar background than you. Big family, very poor, on top of each other. Irish Catholic? Irish Catholic, exactly the same. I love Irish Catholic. Yeah, it's the same. We all have the same shit. But anyway, you went over to this person's house to go swimming, and they had towels, and that was mind-blowing to you. You know what house that was? Whose? It was Silverman's house.

18:18Who's Silverman? Sarah Silverman. Oh, wow. That's funny. So I left her, because I always give Sarah Silverman a hard time because obviously I'm a lifelong fan, and then I love Jerry Seinfeld's Comedians in Cars getting coffee, and when he picks her up in a car, he picks her up at an apartment. And I'm going, I'm poor, I'm on fucking, you know, like, I'm like, she lives in an apartment? Like, I was horrified. I'm like, what's even the point of dreaming if you're Sarah Silverman and you couldn't even get out. She's in the fucking apartment, he picks her up. So I, when Sarah Silverman finally bought a house and it's not even, it's a small house, but it's a house.

18:58I'll take it. I'm like, you're Sarah Silverman. We don't want to see that you're in the fucking block with us. Right, right, right. We want to dream. Right, and then when you went over there, the one line that made me laugh out loud amongst many was towels, you said something about towels. I've never, the towel, whatever towel you're born with is the towel you die with. I don't know new towels. I never heard of new towels. Because she said we just got new towels for the pool. I said, new towels? Right. Like, to me, it's towels built with the house. I don't know where they even came from. Like, I've never even, like, unless it's exfoliating your skin off, it's not drying you.

19:36Like, this new fluffy towel.

19:37Will Arnett:And by the way, there's nothing great about a new towel. New towel ain't good until about 20 washes. And it gets all that film off of it. Oh, hang on a second.

19:44Sean Hayes:It sounds like we've got an expert here. Go ahead, sir. It's actually a thing for me. Wake up on Netflix. By the way, Robbie, you can't believe the towels and the bedding that Jason is involved with. It is of the highest level. No, it is. He is needy bedding the towels. I know how to create a thirsty towel. You need a thirsty towel, okay?

20:03Will Arnett:Otherwise, I don't want it. But you know what? I'm into that for Jason. I don't want to go to Jason Bateman's house or drive by it, and it's fucking, he's in 70.

20:13Sean Hayes:Yeah. Okay, like I want it to be a gate. I want to like... Oh, it's a gate. Oh, it's a gate. It's not like we want a dream. We want to see that the stars are living like stars. Something breaks for me if they're not. Don't worry. Right. Don't worry. Don't worry. He's fulfilling all your fantasies. Hey, East Hampton. Okay. Cool. He's in there. I love it. He's in the house. You too, Chuck. Ernest Borgnine jerked off in every room in Jason's house. That's a true story. Fantastic. That's what I want. I want these stories. That's Hollywood Babylon, okay? We'll be right back. Ever have one of those moments where you feel low energy, unfocused, or a little foggy?

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23:35Will Arnett:All right, back to the show. But Robbie, you know, the same thing about what you said about like going to these people's houses because when Will & Grace first started and, you know, I became this thing that people knew. Gay icon. And I was thrust into this world. Thrust. that I'm sure gay people hated him. Because gay men all want to be the funny one. So when there's actually a funny one, like, ooh, is he taking it?

24:04Sean Hayes:Is that true, Sean? Did you get backlash in the gay community, Sean? No comment. Okay. But I always, but I started feeling like... Backlash. I didn't say backsplash. Keep going. Oh. Bear backlash. How about that? Did you get any bear backlash? Don't turn around. Don't look at me. Don't turn around. Don't you fucking look at me. Jesus. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. So then I found, so I started living this life that I only read about like in magazines or whatever. And then I found myself inside this one mansion of this very wealthy person that we all know. And there's this butler there to greet me.

24:43And there's, you can't go upstairs. You can't go in this room. You can go in this room. And I heard you talking about a similar thing, right? A similar experience about how when you first quote unquote make it or whatever, you start, that it's much more ease and comfortability hanging out with people who don't have money because there's no rules with people who don't have money. And I loved when you talked about that. Yeah, like I miss like, you know, when you go to a rich person's house or something and you can't like, everything is like, you're kind of standing around this like gargantuan island.

25:14It's like too big. Like the kitchen island has gone. I'm like, can we get close? Like, can we chat? Like, it's just you live at this gargantuan island. Right, it's true. And you don't go in the fridge. The fridge is crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like you don't really like snack versus like, you know, when I would just go to somebody's apartment, it's like the house is a dump. Right. You know, the air conditioner is held on by a little thing. And there's chips, there's Doritos. You can grab a Sprite. You can have, there's like, you know, there's like whiskey. Right, right. Whatever. And you're just shitting on people.

25:49Right. You're sitting there, you're shitting on everyone. I hate that bitch. Right. That bitch could get fucked. Right. And you're just chilling. And the whole thing, and sometimes the neighbor, and you go, fuck you. Well, fuck you. Like, nothing. You're just chill.

26:07Will Arnett:Nothing soft. Like, it doesn't matter. Like, you finish your drink out, you did a spill, who cares? We'll leave it up tomorrow. But then the opposite is, like, you always feel like you're on, I don't know, you have to watch every move you make you have to watch every glass and not to glorify being poor because it's horrible for everything else by the way, not worth it for the chill

26:30Sean Hayes:but just the socializing even with the socializing that said, there's certain things that we did better you know what you ought to do, Robbie, consider this you know, you're now sort of realizing your dream Your special is huge. You're becoming a comedic icon. How about that, okay? Yeah. It's true, and it's based on fucking unreal talent. What you got to do is when you build your dream house, your dream mansion, build out beautiful fucking towels, six sets of towels, sheets, fucking whatever. But the kitchen is a fucking wreck. The kitchen is a tiny little kitchen with a fucking table. This is a good idea.

27:09Sean Hayes:A shit fridge, Doritos and Sprite, and whatever the fuck you want. A little stove, a little electric stove with a coil. You got a goat in the corner that you get your milk from. Yes. You know what I mean? Just do that. The rest of the house is incredible. I actually think there's good legs to this, Will. Yeah, right? A goat. I actually think there's good legs to this. It's kind of like giving like the meme when Hillary Clinton, remember the meme of Hillary Clinton seeing like a working class family's kitchen for the first time? It's one of the greatest things. I think it cost her everything. I think it was just that one picture where it's like, oh yeah, they're not like us.

27:40By the way, you know what you could do.

27:42Sean Hayes:Now that I'm really going, because you know what a lot of rich people do is they have two kitchens, right? That's very popular. Have you seen this before? No, this is new for me. Please enlighten me. So what they do is they have, so you go in, they have the kitchen with the island and stuff, and it looks great and beautiful. Yeah. And then that's where everybody hangs out. And then behind, they have the actual working kitchen. Sorry, Justin, what is that? So there's like a slave, Sean's there with a bell. Is that what's going on still? No, they have literally a working kitchen behind the kitchen.

28:06Sean Hayes:Right, they have two. So you could have your shit kitchen, but behind have a real working kitchen that's beautiful and happy. all the stuff. It's like a set. Jason is really hung up on this. He's still the goat in the corner with the milk. If Jason doesn't have at least two kitchens, I'm quitting. Like, there's no point. I can't dream anymore. Like, if he doesn't have at least two kitchens, there's nothing left.

28:27Will Arnett:Where are you? Are you in between poor and rich? Or are you firmly enriched now? Or are you still in poor? No, I think I'm like what a pretty successful dentist might make. Okay, that's rich. That's very good. He is rich. It's extremely rich. You got a pull-down machine behind you, for Christ's sake. Look at you. No, I know. Once I get the weights, it's over for you. Bitches, once I get these weights on here and I get that V-shape going.

28:54Sean Hayes:You got greenery behind you and shit. This apartment, actually, I am in one of my dreams. Like, we rent this apartment, but the landlord is 93. And I am hoping we can rent it for 10 more years. We don't know if he's alive or what. We don't know. We haven't heard from him, and I try not to ask him for anything. But this is a dream situation. I live in a beautiful apartment. Yeah. And I like an apartment. I think I'm a little safer. I have to work up to a house because I don't like that the door and then it's like street. I need either the gate thing, but then I'm like, I would never like. what I thought about with a house is like, let's say you want a glass of water and maybe Jason, okay.

29:41So you're going downstairs. Like, what is the travel time?

29:46Will Arnett:It takes a bit. Let's say you just want a cup of water. It takes a bit. I got a camelback that gets me from the travel time. You do? Do you have a mini fridge upstairs? Are people doing the mini or is that poor? When it's working, it's nice. so a long time ago we I saw a scripted show called Unorthodox on Netflix which if you haven't seen it it's really really great fantastic it was an amazing show if you haven't seen it it's great it's about a woman who is trying to escape the traditions of of being a Hasidic Jew and that culture and that lifestyle and it's hard to get out because of the family dynamics because they keep

30:23Sean Hayes:pulling you back in not only the godfather keep going so tell me what it was like growing up because now that's the only reference I have for anything because it's very educational for me inside the life of a hasidic family what was it like growing up in that knowing you were gay and then coming out i didn't know i was gay i had no idea i wasn't a kid who knew anything like this yeah um i didn't want to come about it uh when i found out when i when i was like oh i'm gay i'm like i don't think so how'd you find out was that

30:55Will Arnett:Was it by mail or was it? No, I only found out like maybe at 17, there was this really weird Italian girl and she. Okay, slow down through here, please. Yeah, no. So what happened was I was at school and we would chat till like five in the morning. We would chat. But then we had to sign up for gym. I'm 17, okay? So we had, for next semester, we had to do gyms. and I was like, I'm going to try and get into badminton. I would always try and get like a very easy gym because I'm Jewish and not athletic. I was like, I heard golf is an easy A. So I'm going to try and do golf. Okay. Okay, because the teacher, Beauchamp, I still remember his name, he apparently like, he just wants you to try.

31:41He loves golf. And so if you try, he gives you an A. Like it's A for effort in his class. He just wants people to enjoy the game of golf. So I was like, but his class fills up because it's the easiest class. and she goes, well, I'm going to do, there's a camping intensive dike, okay? Camping seemed like the hardest gym you could do. Like, yes, you didn't have to do gym every... Okay, no Jew was even thinking to join the camping. Camping intensive. Yeah, so you do your gym, it's one week, but your gym for the semester is done instead of going to golf once a week or instead of going to badminton once a week.

32:22This is in public college in Montreal. They made you do a gym still in college. Right, right.

32:28Sean Hayes:This is what, CGEP? CGEP thing. Wow. Yeah, okay. Okay, so this is in CGEP. So she was like, I'm doing camping. I'm like, is she demented? That's like the hardest gym you could do. Like, what? A week? Like, I'd rather do badminton once a week. So then she starts talking to me and she goes, there's this bisexual or something on the trip. What if we share a tent and she kisses me? And I go, what are you, fucking gay? I'm like, call the police. Like, what's wrong with you? Like, what is she doing? I'm like, this scenario blew me away. Like, I'm like, is this girl okay? Like, what do you mean if she tried to kiss you?

33:12Literally call the police. Like, this is insane. You have to tell the teacher on this girl. Like, this is crazy. Right. So I'm like, you got to go to the teacher. Like, I don't know. I just get offline. I'm like, I'm going to bed. Then she starts talking to me. She's like, this camp teacher's coming up. And then she tells me the girl, they did their camping intensive. The girl kissed her. I'm like, okay, this girl's fucking gay. I am not like, what a weird, I was the most homophobic person you could be.

33:41Will Arnett:Sure. because I probably knew about it. But I would test the waters. Like I would ask my older sister, I'd say, what do you think about gay people? Because one of my sisters told me Rosie O'Donnell was gay and I was like, that's impossible. She loves Tom Cruise.

33:57Sean Hayes:Right, sure. Like thinking like, she's like, she's a dyke, wake up. Right. And I just like didn't want to like, but I asked one of my older sisters, a different sister, I said, what do you think about these gay people? because Chaya says that Rosie O'Donnell's gay. And she's like, if God wanted gay people, he would have made Adam and Steve, not Adam and Eve. And I said, wow, when she's right, she's right. That was facts.

34:27Will Arnett:Who is this, your mom? No, this was one of my older sisters. One of my sisters thought Rosie O'Donnell was gay, didn't give a shit about being religious. The other one was still quite religious and was like, if God wanted. And I was like, wow, she's so wise. Like she hit me with an indisputable fact. Sure. But then what happened? So then this girl, she, and you know, she was persistent. She wore me down. The camper. Camper. Okay, my father was going to send me. I had no money. And out of nowhere, I really tried to reach out to my father if he could send me. I was living on my own. I was 17. I was in school and working full time, but I needed like$200 for the semester or I couldn't even.

35:11It was a public college, but I think it at least costed$200. And he, my father somehow came through with$200. My father's like, it's going to be at Western Union. And I'm like, I can't believe my father's sending me money. First of all, nobody had money. So, but I was like, it really meant a lot to me that he was like doing this lifelong, sending me$200. And she was like, I know where the Western Union is. Because I never heard of it. I didn't really know how to get the money. She walked me all the way there.

35:40Will Arnett:Did she yell this to you from an open car window? No, literally. We walked. We talked for eight hours. I wrote her name in Hebrew. Letters. She was interested in my background. And it was something different than a friend. And then the year we were graduating, it was the end of the semester now. and our teacher was throwing like, you know, an end of the year, everybody could exchange numbers. Everybody could, you know, he wanted us to like get together in the summer and share what we're reading and all this stuff. This is Beauchamp. No, but, and by the way, Beauchamp was huge. What's that? And he just stood there.

36:22Teacher. And you went one by one. He taught you how to swing. And that was the end of the class. It was, I got into golf and it was worth everything. So that's, if Beauchamp's still teaching at Dawson, take his class. It's like an hour of meditation. There's nothing even to do. He doesn't care if you're good at golf. And it's a guaranteed A.

36:40Sean Hayes:It's a guaranteed A. It's an easy A. So, yeah, so at the end of the year, we go to this bar, this student bar, that the teacher was going to buy maybe two pitchers or whatever. Again, we're like 18 now, 17, 18. Montreal, so keep in mind this is not like a U.S. They don't like alcohol. Like everybody drinks from 14 there. It's not like a thing. Right. So, and we go and she goes, she goes the night before we're chatting till like four in the morning. And she goes, what if I kissed you? She tells me this. And I'm like, what are you fucking gay? I block delete her. Yeah, there you go. Block delete.

37:19She's out of my life. That's it. We go to the end of the summer, or sorry, beginning, end of the semester, hang at the bar, at the afternoon, like, St. Cassette, 5 to 7. I go to the bathroom. She goes to the bathroom. First of all, it's a huge place, but I don't even know. She gets in the stall. I get in the stall, and she just kisses me.

37:40Will Arnett:Come on. And I right away was kissing her back. She followed you into the stall. Yeah, she's a predator. It happens both sides. We forget. We forget. You say, so she kissed you, then you kissed her back. Yeah, and I remember touching her stomach, and I was like, wow, you have abs. That's the first thing I ever said. Wow. Sure. But I didn't know of abs, really. But I was like, oh, this is abs. Right, right. And that was it. And then I was gay secret. But I never thought about being gay my whole life. I really didn't think of anything. Right. But not being poor. And then how did that go over with the folks?

38:20Well, my father is still Hasidic. I have no relationship with him, So I don't know. He wrote me, he heard about it and he wrote me one email. This is not befitting behavior for a daughter of Israel. Okay. So that was that.

38:36Will Arnett:Yeah. And I'm not Israeli or anything, but I think he's talking more biblically, Israel as the Jewish people. Right. Oh, no, he said the behavior is promiscuous and not befitting. And I only had one girlfriend. I really was not promiscuous. So I resented that. Yeah. I was not like a hoe. No. I was monogamous. Right. And even if I wanted to be a hoe, so be it. But anyway, who cares? Right, exactly. And then my mother didn't, no, by this point, my family was not that religious. And I was also a little more removed by my family. I came back to, like, I was living on my own. I was, like, not living in my mother's house.

39:13Like, my big world was my social world. Yeah. Like, it was about friends. It was about this. And they thought it was weird. They didn't take it well for the most part. Yeah, even though gay was still a thing and we weren't as religious, they were still conservative. I still like— Right. The community I then became a part of was like, yes, not as fanatic as we were, but still conservative. Okay. Yeah. We'll be right back. Guys, how important is sleep, right? We all have our sleep rituals. We black out the room or we have a little nightlight or I sleep sometimes with the fan blowing because I like the sound.

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42:13Will Arnett:And now back to the show. Great. So this is a good segue to talk about Gabby, your wife, Gabby. Now, I don't know that these two know anything about your wife. Maybe they do, but it's such a fascinating story. Gabby Windy was the bachelorette on the show, Bachelorette. And then you ended up with her, which is such a great... Yeah, she had 20... My wife had 25 boyfriends four years ago and I got the final fucking rose in the end. Yeah. Isn't that wild? It's such a great story. How did that happen? I don't know. And I have nothing when the fellas... Because I told her not to come out. I had such a brutal story.

42:48You know, I said... Because she said she's going to think about coming out. I'm like, I don't think we need to do that anymore. Uh-huh. I said, just...

42:54Will Arnett:Wait, wait, wait. Was she gay when she was on the show? So she was always... And I won't fully speak to her, but I will a little bit. She wasn't always like, she was unsure. She was one of those girls. Like she had had, she's repressed. Like when she was younger, she had gay thoughts, but her parents were so anti that she just, and she could go the other way. She could go with dudes. So she just did that.

43:22And I think the way she describes it was, first of all, if you're hot and you can get onto The Bachelor as a contestant, she typically tells girls do it. She was a nurse, an ICU nurse for years. And for her being on The Bachelor first as a contestant was like, she's like, you go on one date with the dude once a week, and then the rest of the week you're like in Portugal with all these girls. Right.

43:45Sean Hayes:Hanging out. Like it's a free European like. She's like, they take you everywhere. You have one shooting day a week. Yeah. And it's like a paid for amazing vacation. She got to see. But then she got chosen as the bachelorette. Right. Now she's the girl with the 25 dudes. So then you're working a lot. You're going on a day-to-day or whatever. And I think as it started to dwindle down, she was like, I don't think any of these.

44:09Will Arnett:Right, right, right. She was getting more pressure. And did you know her during that time or did you meet her after the show? I met her after the show, but I did watch the end of her season without knowing it was her. When I met her, of course, she's not in the gown. And, you know, it's a very different. How did you guys meet? Was it like an industry function or is it just like? No, we met outside. Just like out in the wilderness? Yeah, we met just outside. On a camping trip? No, could you imagine? We met, I was meeting a friend after, I miss a lot of evenings because I do stand-up, so I miss a lot of dinners and stuff like that.

44:47But there was some type of an event, and I was going to meet my friend after I had stand-up. And I went to go meet her maybe around 10 p.m., and we split a beer. And by the time we were leaving, We were on the sidewalk waiting for our Ubers. Gab was there. There wasn't many people there, but she was there with her friends, and that's how we met. She was waiting for her Uber. Oh, wow. This is in L.A. or New York? L.A. And you're like, hey, you want to hang out sometime or have a dinner or whatever? No, so at first I get spotted, which is very new for me, but a dyke like me, like a more boyish one, was like looking at me, looking at me.

45:22And I'm like, oh, no, we got to go. I told my friend Rox. I'm like, I'm not gay like that. You know what I mean? I'm like, oh, okay. Nothing wrong. People get mad at me. I'm joking. I don't mind mask for mask. I'm not mask for mask. Do what you want. It doesn't matter. Sure. So she comes up to me, and I think she's hitting on me, and, you know, I got to— Because that, to me, is really gay. Like, I'm gay, but there's, like, a boy one, there's a girl one that kind of works again. If I was mask for mask, I'm like, oh, bitch, you're gay.

45:48Will Arnett:Wait, wait, sorry. What is that for mask? Nothing wrong. Nothing wrong. I'm joking. I want to know that phrase. What is that phrase? Mask for mask? Masculine. Oh, mask. It's like mask and femme. Thank you. Okay. Okay. Got it. So this butch comes, and I think she's going to hit on me. I'm like, okay, I'm not really in the mood. But she goes, oh, I know your comedy. She goes, I know your comedy. And she spotted me for my comedy, which is very new for me to happen. And I'm like, bruch Hashem, because I don't really get spotted, but I was spotted at the perfect moment. It's kind of like somebody catches you doing a good deed.

46:23I was once caught giving a 20 to a homeless. Is that amazing? It never happens. You know what I mean? It's like you never get caught in a good deed. Right. It's not like you need, but when it happens, you go, say, say.

46:35Will Arnett:I'm nice. It's excellent. So it was one of these moments where I get spotted, but it's not just me alone in the wilderness. There's a hot, amazing girl right there. Right. Who could hear this potentially, and this could be impressive to such a person. Sure, sure. So I go, oh, I start, you know, when you talk a lot to other people, I go, oh, yeah. ah, that is a great bit. You know, oh, you know. Loud enough for her to hear. And then I go, well, never mind you. Who are you with? And she was with Gabby. And she goes, oh, this Gab, you know, the bachelor. I was like, the bachelor's gay? I don't know.

47:10Maybe they're making a gay bachelor. I have no idea what they're doing anymore. Yeah, yeah. And she goes, oh, no, she's exploring. And I go, what are you, Dora the Explorer? You're 30 years old. Who's exploring anymore?

47:22Will Arnett:Right, right, right. You know? You know you're at this place with all these dikes. It's like a dikey bar and whatever. So, yeah. And we really, our banter right away was excellent. Excellent. And so how long have you guys been together now? Four years. Oh, that's great. And you got married last year. Yes, we did. Yes. And you got married in Vegas for$799. Yes, we did. And tell me what that included. It included a limousine. It included the Reverend, Reverend Nature. And it included Nathan, the photographer. Right. Wait, sorry. You said Reverend. That's not a rabbi? Well, she's not anything. She works in Vegas.

48:05Will Arnett:Okay. Sure. She's like a, what is it called? Like an officiator. An officiant, but, you know, not denomination.

48:14Sean Hayes:So you didn't want to have a religious, yeah, to Jason's point. Well, we can't. We're lesbians anyway. Right. At that point. Really? It's like, what are we doing? I know some people ask me, like, is it important for you to marry Jewish? I'm like, what are we doing, fellas? Yeah. I'm like, can we? Just try to keep track. Yeah. You know what I mean? Let me just say this. Let me ask you this. So somehow you burst onto this scene. And I say burst because it feels like you just all of a sudden were, like, just this incredible comedian out of nowhere. Honestly, I feel that way. From the first time I saw you, I was like, who the fuck is this?

48:51Sean Hayes:so good and and Sean mentioned in the intro that that Mulaney kind of had a lot of a lot to do with giving you helping you is that true how did that come about what's that story yeah he said he said no one's owned not you I want to hear from I know but this will set her up no one's owned the stage like you since James Brown which I thought was great wow thank you fellas Robbie how did it happen it happened out of nowhere just like that he he texted me I can read the text. Nobody, this is an exclusive. Bring it up. Where did he see you? Where was this? He, he, I don't know what he saw, but he was sent to me out of thin air to help me.

49:33He threw his weight behind me. I mean, I was known to comedians. I'm a, like, comedians do watch me. Yeah. And I'm not somebody, like, I'm not very online. I don't post my clips or anything like that. So to see me, you really have to see me. And I guess he had. And, you know, I've had people listen to. Jon Hamm has come to shows. Like people who like stand up.

49:59Sean Hayes:Oh, the hand bone got in there. I'm just saying, you know. Read the text. So what did Melanie, what did the text say? So he knew of me and I was doing well, but very like low key still. He goes, hi, Robbie, this is Jon Mulaney. Dan gave me your number. I hope that's okay. a Dan that we know, a comedian. I have been a big fan of your work for a while and really enjoyed you on WTF. I know you have various things going on, but if you'd ever want to talk about doing a special for Netflix, I make them and would be very excited to work with you on one. I think you're touring now, so maybe it's something you're eyeing.

50:38I'm around and happy to talk whenever. Okay, happy Sunday. That's really nice. And I go, which Dan? JK, I don't care either way. And I go, I mean, yes, of course, this has been my next dream move. You'd be a terrific help in making this happen. From John Mulaney, it's Robbie Hoffman. My God, that sounds great. Yeah, that's great. Hope this text is okay, as I really didn't know what to write back. As you can imagine, it's very shocking, horrifying, anxiety-inducing, surreal, and thrilling for someone like me to receive a text like this from someone like you. But yes, I would love to talk and work on a Netflix special with you.

51:12Sean Hayes:Wow. And we got it done. wow we got it done that's fucking dope that's pretty great just decided to throw his weight he had this deal with them and he has good taste and he just let me like I wasn't gonna let anyone like he did all the production stuff and the stage and directing and this camera's gonna be here and this camera and I was like John I will show up with the greatest hour of stand up it's so funny if you ask me to like I'm gonna do what I do amazing and I will not and he did his shit amazing I didn't have to worry about anything he's like

51:51Will Arnett:we're gonna capture all of it did you just shoot one show or did you take the best we had two in one night that's great and we knew after the first one we got it so I could just dance the second one after that first hour I go wow and I don't say this you know I mean it objectively I I think it's one of the greatest specials recorded in recent. We haven't had a stand-up special. And I know it's mine, but I would say, listen, I've done plays early on where I'm like, you don't have to see that play. I'm telling you, it's not good. I don't care because I'm in it that I would recommend it or something like that.

52:25Objectively speaking, it is one of the greatest stand-up specials. I think that's why it's getting, you know, it happens to be mine. Sometimes I look at it and I go, oh my, I can't believe I did that because it is so scary. Really funny.

52:37Will Arnett:I'm watching it tonight. Okay, thank you, Jason. So yeah, it's just, I knew that I wasn't going to let him down. He didn't let me down. He threw his weight. You don't see that a lot. He's just, I never thought like a guy buttoned up like that. He wears a suit, classy, would fuck with somebody like me. I'm a little grittier and whatever. And what even am I? Like, you know, so, but we kind of had this Eminem Dido collab. Like it was like the collab that you didn't know you needed. Who's Eminem? Who's Dido? We don't know. But it was like a Batman and Robin. It worked out. It was like a great collab.

53:16Will Arnett:Are you allowing yourself to dream beyond next year, five years, ten years? Where would you like to see yourself go? Nobody dreams bigger than me. That's great. Nobody dreams bigger than me. So what are some of those dreams, Robbie? Just everything. I mean I'm living part of the dream already truly in that I get to this is realizing like getting to do this every day like part of the dream was not waking up to an alarm clock. Right. And for your podcast I had to because it's 9 o 'clock for a comedian. It's brutal. But part of the dream is I don't wake up and dread going to work. Yeah. Like that is over and I never get over that being over.

53:58The day in and the day out of the dream is being achieved. But it's just, it's keeping everything, whatever I want. You're developing a show at HBO, Unentitled, which is great. You'll be writing it, executive producing it, starring in it. That's pretty huge and cool and dreamy. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool. And tell me one, this is the last question I'll ask you because we've kept you too long. What's one completely normal thing you just hate doing now that you've kind of, you know, are enjoying some success? Mine is I hate stopping for gas because that's why I got an electric car. I don't like dishes or laundry, but the biggest thing I hate doing is pumping gas.

54:36Sean Hayes:Okay. I like it. I like to look at people. I'm like a very nosy. I like to see cars that people have. I like nice cars. I love, I go in a window. I look inside. I'm a very big car person. Right. Something I hate doing. What about you, Will and Jason? Oh, no, what's your dream car? I want to hear. I'm in my dream car. It's a 911. Are you really? Yeah. Yeah, I'm in my dream car. I bought it used. Here's how I did my cars. My first car was$3 ,600. I sold it for$6 ,000. I've never bought a depreciating car. I bought a 1983 Toyota Corolla, which became collectible after COVID. It looks like the DeLorean.

55:14It's a Toyota Corolla, but it's 1983. Look it up. It's called the Liftback.

55:18Sean Hayes:Yep. I bought it for$3 ,600 cash, sold it for$6 ,000. Unheard of. That$6 ,000, I bought my first Porsche. Porsche, I always wanted because we grew up poor, but my father always loved Porsche. And at a certain point when his whole family fell apart, instead of giving us child support, he scrambled together$5 ,000,$6 ,000 to buy himself an old, it's like a 944, one of these weird Porsche models, super cheap he got for like$5 ,000. And he sent us a picture in it, like to my mother, like, see what you're giving up? Like, you know what I mean? And we got that picture and I thought he was a deadbeat, but I thought it was pretty cool.

55:59Also, both were true. And even though I don't have a relationship with my father now, in a way I get to have a relationship with him in the ways that I'm like him. Obviously it's not ideal. I would love to have a relationship with both my parents, but I see myself in the room. I see his eyes in my eyes. And when I'm in the car, I always think of him. This is the car he wants. I get to enjoy kind of a relationship with him. Again, not ideal, but it's not nothing either. And it's very – it's not even like I'm a car person generally. It's just Porsche because that's all I heard about from him. So I always – so then when I sold that car for$6 ,000, I got a Cayman, which I find is abysmal, for$13 ,000.

56:43You know, so minus the six, so$7 ,000. And then I sold that one for$18 ,000. and I just got into my dream 2001, 911, 996, black tan interior, thin Californication exact. And it was$28 ,000 minus the$18 ,000,$10 ,000. And I am in my dream car. And every day is a dream.

57:10Sean Hayes:Attic, girl. Wow. Isn't that amazing, girl? That's great. Jason's had 100 Porsches. Really? Oh, my God, Jason. I would love to. If we ever make, I would love to look. I know, I love it. One a week. One a week, he'd have. One a week is great. He'd buy one a week and he'd throw it out. He'd drive it off a cliff. That's perfect. Yes, he should. That's what I want.

57:32Will Arnett:Don't you listen to him. That's what I want for him. Robbie, thank you for being here. This has been a dream for us and for me. I've always wanted to meet you.

57:40Sean Hayes:I could do another hour. I know, me too. You're intoxicating, Robbie. I love you guys. You're unbelievable.

57:46Will Arnett:We're going to come over. We're going to blast back and bys next week. and then we'll do legs and tries the week after that, okay? I can't wait. I have felt very annoying on this pod, just the last disclaimer, but it's only because I'm very intimidated by all of you. I've been able to keep it together. You're incredible. But I really love all of you guys and when I'm chatty and a little bit annoying, it's just because of that. I'm trying to keep up. You're one of our better guests. I know, but I love you guys. I really am such a fad.

58:12Sean Hayes:Robbie, I'm so stoked for your success because you're so legit funny all the time. It is exciting. Watching somebody like you just absolutely skyrocket. It's amazing. It's fun to watch. You may see us out in the audience one of these times. You deserve all of it. Thank you so much, guys. I really appreciate it.

58:30Will Arnett:Yeah. Love you, Robbie. I'm watching you tonight. Okay. Jason, please report back through people. You don't have to do it personal. I'm going to send notes. If it's this Franny, if any of these people can throw me an email. All right. Thank you. All right, honey. Thanks, Robbie. Bye. Bye, Robbie. Thank you. Bye, guys.

58:49Sean Hayes:God, she's funny, man. What a talent.

58:51Will Arnett:Well, you know, I'd like a couple of more stand-ups on this, huh? Yeah. That's a nice guest there. It's a real nice guest. Yeah, I can't wait for you to see it, Chase, in this special Wake Up. It's really funny. I feel like, you know, when stand-ups come out of not nowhere, but kind of nowhere, and people are just discovering who she is now, with a voice like that, you're like, wait, who's that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She is fearless when she talks about all these topics, you know. I can't wait. And I think that sort of humor is sort of gently coming back into society. And I think that that is not a terrible thing.

59:28Sean Hayes:I like the way that she talked about growing up and saying that in her family. It's like if it was funny, then that trumped everything. As long as it's funny and that it's a joke in the service of just a joke, then that was the thing that mattered in her.

59:46Will Arnett:And I love that. You can find these. There's all these specials. There's something like once a week almost on Netflix, right? Or these people are getting sort of discovered and launched and Mulaney's shooting a lot of those? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, remember Nikki Glaser too. Like it just takes one thing and then you're like pew. Right. Awesome. And all the car talk, you know, I love all those car talk. I love it. I love it when you can feel him. It just pulls the car into the fork. It doesn't matter what you're driving as long as it gets you there. As long as you're happy driving it.

1:00:24Sure. You know, that happiness, that's something money can't buy.

1:00:34Smart. Less.

1:00:40Sean Hayes:Smart. Less.

1:00:46Sean Hayes:Smartless is 100 % organic and artisanally handcrafted by Michael Grant Terry, Rob Armjave, and Bennett Barbaco.

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