SmartLess Presents ClueLess! 101 - It’s A Numbers Game

0:00Smart. Less. Media.

0:09Sean Hayes and Smartless Media are excited to announce the birth of an all-new baby podcast. The podcast weighs in at a healthy 10 to 12 minutes. Sean Hayes is resting comfortably. This is Clueless. Clueless. Clueless.

0:31I'm Clueless. Woo! Welcome to episode one of Smartless Presents Clueless, a brand new podcast where you, the listener, try to solve puzzles faster than Sean Hayes. My name is Elliot Kalin and I'll be your host because Sean Hayes can't just ask himself the questions, can he? It would be unethical. And with me on every episode of this show is the man who loves games more than is really healthy, Mr. Sean Hayes. Sean, how excited are you for this new podcast on a scale from 9 to 10? You know, I'm at a 10, but you pick up the slack with your energy, Elliot. It's really infectious. Thank you. And listeners, by the way, this is Elliot Kalin, who you may know, was the head writer for Mystery Science Theater 3000, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, co-host of the bad movie podcast, The Flophouse.

1:19And now he's hosting this show for us. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. Now, Sean, we should explain to the listener. Okay. What is this show all about? Each episode, you'll be playing a different main game, and it might be a word puzzle or identifying a song or choosing the odd one out. That game is called Odd One Out, but it won't just be you competing alone. You'll also be bringing on a selection of your funny friends and family to play along. Who do we have with us today? It's Will Arnett and Jason Bateman, everybody. Hi. Hi. Hi. We're excited. I was trying to harmonize. Will, Jason, welcome to the show.

1:53How does it feel to be Sean's funny friends and family? Mm-hmm. Jason, you're family. I'm family. I'm funny friend. You're funny friend. Before we begin, I have to know one thing. Yeah. Jason and Will, what is your Sean Hayes gaming experience up to this point? Has he ever asked you to do it in public before? Oh, yeah. No, let's keep it clean, okay? We used to gather over at his house for game night. Sean has been with us. We used to play a lot of poker together. I mean, he is a gifted gamer. Let me just say that I got passed over a little bit on the game stuff. You did? And have I forgiven him?

2:38Yeah. And you ask why? I don't remember you being a part of the group at that moment. No, I wasn't. I wasn't a part of the group. And it's a bigger conversation. You were always here. Yeah, I was on your mind. The trip to Istanbul and stuff. Was that before or after game night at your place, Sean? Istanbul was after, but Venice was before. Huh. But Venice didn't go very well. No. Uh-huh. And here we are. Well, now, new beginnings. But now we're here, new beginnings. Elliot, now you've really unearthed some old dirt. This will stitch us back together. Maybe it'll launch a podcast of the three of us to be here.

3:14But we're very excited. I'm very excited. And I know Sean's love of games is deep. Very deep. He loves games. Yeah, I like it. It's fun. It's fun. Sean is a master gamer. I love getting that peek inside of your relationship. It briefly turned into a James Bond movie with all the international locations that got thrown into the mix.

3:43Sean, Will, Jason, enough talking about the past. Let's look ahead to the present. Today's main event, it's a numbers game, TV show edition. Cue the theme song. Well, it's a numbers game. It's a numbers game. TV show edition. I keep forgetting there's a band right behind me. Because I saw them load in. I can smell the weed. Yeah, you did. It's a numbers game. It's so good. All right, let's begin. This game is built around TV shows with numbers in their titles. You are going to be tested on your very useful knowledge of television shows and also your very useless knowledge of basic elementary school math.

4:28227. 227. I like that you were so ready with a number right off the bat. It will be a winner in one of these questions. Each question will take the form of a simple math equation, only instead of numbers, I'm going to tell you a TV show title that has had the number removed from it. Oh, shit. You're going to have to recognize the show, understand the number, and then solve the equation using the missing numbers. And you can get a bonus point as a group for responding with an answer in the form of a TV show title. So I'm going to give you an example. This is just a practice one. This doesn't count to your score.

5:02Let's try this out. If I said, day fiancé minus for 30, what would the answer be? And you can talk it out too, work it out between yourselves. 90 day fiancé, 30 for 30. So it would be 60. Yep, you got that right. And if you wanted that extra point, what is there as a show title with 60 minutes? You got it. 60 minutes. Great. You could have also said Studio 60 or any of the millions of TV shows that have 60 in their titles. Yeah. Okay, then let's play. It's a numbers game. TV show edition. The first question is, Million Dollar Man divided by Stooges. Six Million Dollar Man. Yep. Divided by? By three Stooges.

5:43Six divided by three is two. Oh, two, and then you got to do a show with two in it. Two, two, seven. You got it. Perfect. Two and a half minutes. Fuck, you used it. You used it right away. I feel like I should give you double extra points because there's two twos in that name. Yeah, I would like it. I'll take it. Okay, so that's three points total for that first question. You're getting more points than you're supposed to. Question two is Reno 9 plus and a half men. 14. Reno 9-1-1, three and a half men. Two and a half men. You fucking dummy. It's 13. Hang on. Hang on. Wait, no. Reno 9-1-1 could be 11 or two ones.

6:31I think we got to go with 11. I think we have to go with 11. Okay, 11. And then what is it? plus two is 13. And 13 Reasons Why. Yep, you got it. That's great. What's 13 Reasons Why? Oh, it's a YA vehicle on Netflix. It can be seen massively successful. Young people love it. Young people love it. I bet it sucks. And I can give you 14 reasons why.

7:03Let's go to question three. This one might be a little more difficult. I'm going to try to enunciate it as much as I can. This is heaven times company. Seventh heaven. No, seventh heaven times. 21. Wait, wait, 21 Jump Street. That's right. You got it. I thought you said something different on the second show. I thought it was six something. It could have been Six's Company. Who's your cable provider? Because you're in different shows. Three and a half men, Six's Company. Yeah. That was very fast, very impressive. You guys are blazing through this game. Let's continue it to number four. This question is, Beverly Hills 0-2-1-0 minus is enough?

7:49One. Beverly Hills 9-0-2-1-0 is enough. We've got to think of the show. Minus eight. Oh, one. Murder one. Murder one. Very good, Will. Yeah, very good. You got it. Murder one. That's two full points. It's just fantastic. Sean, by the way, you suck at this game. I haven't heard one answer from you. No, I got the first one. Why are you got a pen in your hand? What are you doing? I'm writing the numbers down. It's obviously helping.

8:18Question five. Yeah. Things I hate about you minus Babylon. What is it? Ten things I hate about you? Or what is it? What's that one? Is it ten things? Is it ten, Elliot? I think it's 10 things I hear about you minus Babylon. Five? Babylon. Babylon five. Yeah, so it's party of five. Great. You got it. Wow. Wow. That was good. That was good. Party of five. Incredible, Will. You all have such unique strengths that come together as a team. Jason with the numbers. Will with the TV shows. Sean with the writing down the numbers. Yeah. Which is good for record keeping for later. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Sean, when you consider it a compliment and he says your strength is writing stuff down.

9:03yes that's all he could i'll take anything i can get is there in the marvel sorry in the mcu is there a care is there a superhero whose superpower was writing stuff down the stenographer he was the stenographer okay that was a great game you guys played an amazing game but just because you're done with the game does not mean the game is done with you there's also the matter of this episode's Mega Clue. Mega Clue Questioning. Beautiful. This is a final question made out of the answers of all the previous questions. So I'm going to remind you what those answers were. I would tell everyone, except Sean doesn't need to know this because he already has it.

9:45Everyone take a moment to get a pen, something to write on, so I can remind you of what the correct answers were. I take it back on Sean writing it down. It turns out that was smart. If you're driving, lodge your knees just underneath the steering wheel, grab a pen, keep your eyes on the road somewhat. Yeah, if you have a candle on your dashboard, careful. Sorry, Elliot, there are some. No, that's right. There are some Easter eggs here. No, but it's a good point. Set aside the rotisserie chicken that you're picking out with your non-driving hand so you can put a pad there so you can wait during that time.

10:15Yeah. Okay. Here are the numbers that you have already had as your answers. Two. Thirteen. Twenty-one. one, and five. Yeah. I'll tell you again. Two, 13, 21, one, and five. Now I want you to add those numbers together. 42. And then subtract from that number. That was great. I didn't even have a pen with me and I did that in my... Oh, man. Amazing. Talk about your superpower. Your mask. Mr. Math Man. Hey, algebra. Okay. Now add those numbers together, 42, and then subtract the number of monkeys in the title of a television adaptation of a 1990s science fiction film. And then tell me, can you think of a show with that number in the title?

11:06Be 12 monkeys. 34. But it's... 34. Wait, 12 monkeys or 8 monkeys? 12 monkeys. 30 something. Is it 30? 30 something. Oh, wait, what? 42 minus 12. 12 monkeys for 30. And then I was hoping that someone would say 30 something. because it's the rare television show where they spelled out the number. They didn't just put a number on there. Yeah, that's right. And for one final, absolutely last question, take that last number and I want you to add it. And stick it up. Yep. That's the way we'd end things on smart lists, you know. Take that last number, add it to 9 ,970 and can you tell me the name of any pyramids that are worth that much money?

11:49Ah,$10 ,000. The$10 ,000 pyramid. You got it. 100 ,000. Elliot, I put you in this show on the top of a million dollar pyramid. It's so damn good. Yeah. Thanks. Elliot, you're brilliant. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun, Elliot. You know what's a hoot, you guys? Listeners at home, did you do better or worse than these actual 100 % authentic famous people? If you did better, maybe you should be famous. Your mom keeps telling me how talented you are. Think about it. Sean, Will, Jason, thank you so much for being with us today. I'll be very sad to see you go. So it's a good thing. The show's not over yet because every episode of Clueless ends with the cliffhanger puzzle.

12:29Sting music. There it is. You wanted more sting music. You got it. Heavy baseline. The cliffhanger puzzle is just a little bit of extra puzzle. We put it in a Tupperware for you to take home and pick at it until the next episode. And today's puzzle takes the form. Today's puzzle takes the form of a little story. It seems that the energy drink prime hydration has been so successful that the company celebrated by creating two solid gold prime bottles. The gold bottles are an appropriate vessel for the drink. Silver bottles would also be appropriate, but iron or tin bottles would not be. Why is that the case?

13:05That's for you to noodle over until our next episode. Sean, Will, Jason, are you guys going to get any sleep between now and the moment you learn the answer to this puzzle? Not if I get all hopped up on prime beverage. Yeah, I'm going to sleep great. I'm going to be honest with you. Maybe even better. Maybe a little better than normal. I mean, Elliot, I got to say, just the very end of your question, I was just entering Wren. We'll reveal the answer to today's cliffhanger puzzle at the top of our next episode, which, guess what? You can listen to right now. Just click the link in this episode description to follow us on Apple Podcasts or search for SmartList Presents Clueless in your podcast app of choice.

13:46Make sure to follow, subscribe, rate, review all the things that you can do to let us know you love this show. And with that, this first episode of Clueless must come to an end. Will, Jason, thank you so much for joining us. Sean, thank you for being Sean Hayes. Somebody has to. I'm glad you took the burden on it. It's exhausting. Yeah. And as long as I'm just handing out thank yous, why don't I toss one of the audiences away as well? Thank you, audience, for listening to this show. This has been Clueless. We'll be back next episode with more puzzles and more Sean Hayes, not necessarily in that order.

14:16I've been your host, Elliot Kalin, reminding you to join us next time, because if you give us less than 24 hours notice, we still have to charge you for the appointment. Goodbye. Yay. Very nice. Great job, Elliot. Thank you, guys. Thank you, Elliot. Clueless. You have been listening to Smartless Presents Clueless, a Smartless Media production in association with SiriusXM. Your host is Elliot Kalin, who also writes our scripts. Your constant contestant is Sean Hayes, who is 5 '11". Your producer, editor, and engineer is Devin Torrey Bryant, who is me. I also write all the music and sound effects.

14:48Assistant engineer, Kyle McGraw. Today's puzzles were written by Matt Broussard and Josh Richmond. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer, Maddie McCann. Social media producer, Tommy Galgano. Executive producers are Elliot Kalin, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for SmartList Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Remember to follow, subscribe, rate, and review the show. It really helps. That's all for now. We will see you again for more Clueless. Clueless.

15:24I'm Clueless.

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