"Ted Danson"

27:52And one of the things he taught me was, you know, it's a good chance for you when you go into audition to check out whether or not you want to be working with those people. You're always trying to impress them to work, you know, to hire you and to like you, but do you like them? And not in an arrogant way, but just heads up. Make sure you're looking at them. And the other thing is they want you to be good. They so want you to be good. They desperately want to cast this part. Yeah, we were just talking about that. I was just talking about that. Yeah. You walk in, not literally and not with arrogance, but you walk in with, relax, I'm here.

28:33This is going to be really good. I get how hard this is for you. And then you do your little scene, and then at the end of it, without literally saying it, without being arrogant, you go, thanks, that was a lot of fun, but I have something else I have to go to. But anyway, good luck. See you later. So that the whole attitude has no desperation to it. Sexy indifference. I would always say good luck with this as I leave. Gross. Oh, that is disgusting. Wait, what did he mean? Of course he said that. It's so gross. Of course he said that. Hey, guys, good luck with this. That's really funny. Wait, did I ever tell you guys?

29:10Hope it pans out. Yeah. Tell me, Jason, stop me if I said this on the show before, but I once went to, and Will's like, stop. I once went to I had an audition for to play like a dental assistant so I needed a white lab coat because I was like I'll dress the part it was for commercial and at night I was doing sketch comedy in this theater and that we would kind of rent out at night but during the day it was a massive acting class right and with like 200 people in the class and so I was like oh on the way to the audition I'll just run and get my prop my little white jacket to go to the commercial audition at the theater I had no idea it was being used during the day I walk in and I opened the door in front of 200 people and a guy's teaching the class.

29:53And I was like, oh my God, oh my God. I was so embarrassed. I was like, I'm so sorry. I do a show here at night. And then he was like, it's already too long of a story. He's like, what do you need? And I was like, I just have to get some. He's like, well, be quick about it, you know, and go get your thing, whatever you need. I was like, so sorry. So I go in the back and I'm rustling through and I'm making all this noise. And he's like, can you please be quiet? I'm teaching a class. And I was like, I'm so sorry. and I keep going and I'm making more noise, more noise. And he goes, are you for real?

30:21I go, why don't you act like I'm not here?

30:29And I got my stuff when I ran out. They all fucking hated me. Hey, Ted, when you were in New York and you're doing all these auditions and stuff, I'd imagine you're doing something during the day. Were you waiting tables in sort of a classic way? No, no. No, I always... Were you selling dope? Hey, Ted, were you selling dope? Yeah, Tom Kintonson's van. Were you selling dope at DineBand? That's what's going on. No, I don't have... That's Woody. Sorry. Yeah. You got Woody in the van. Exactly. Yeah. I am such milquetoast. Anyway, I always had enough... Back then, you could work a day on a commercial and make a nice whatever to pay your rent, but then the next day, you could go collect unemployment.

31:14So between working little teeny things, I never actually... Right, you've had to. Fucking unbelievable. You liberal actors sucking off our system. It's classic. I knew it. You liberal, you elitist. No, it's fucking... Give me a second here because I want to tee off on the liberal elites. Great gig, by the way. But there's no way you went to Stanford with no plan. What were you going to study at Stanford? Oh, no. I am the guy sitting in the back of the pickup looking behind where the pickup is going, going, wow, well, look at that. Golly, I never turned around and focused and said, I want this.

31:56I'm going to go into this. No aspirations. Until I met Mary, or shortly before I met Mary. I will say that's why you're so chill. You have a really great vibe. I will say that. Yeah, everybody says that. Have you seen my psoriasis commercials? Hey, listen, I'm a Sky Rizzy guy, so don't get me going. I don't even know. I just see those ads all the time on MSNBC. My friend always has this joke. He's like, we're a Sky Rizzy family. By the way, can I just say this? I mentioned Pete Giles before. JB, you played golf with Giles before over the years. The great Pete Giles. The great Pete Giles. And Sean, you know him very well.

32:36It just reminded me that any time he would get on the green, and you know sometimes some guys go hey you know because your ball is on the green you're dancing and he would for years say oh you're Ted Danson for years he would say when your ball got on the green you're Ted Danson one of my best friends of all time it just made me think of these guys because the green is a dance floor go for Sean Hayes yes thank you you have this crazy ability I know off the top of my head all of all of the hits shows that you've been on and so you have this crazy ability to... You just said it. So name him. Okay, ready?

33:14No, you just fucking said it. So now name him. No, I was saying, well, obviously Cheers. Obviously Cheers. Becker, I remember Becker. I remember, well, Good Place. You did, I remember Creepshow. I remember CSI. You were on CSI. Which was very... Damages. Damages. Like you've done so many like hit shows. It's unbelievable. By the way, I did audition for Ink, which was a short-lived sitcom. I did not get the part. Yeah. Well, good for you. Still with it. I heard the star didn't care for you. But how do you, do you, is there a process by which you have like a filtering system? A filtering system for how to pick the right project?

33:52Because you seem to always do that. Hondo's first. The trick is to spend all your money. So you have to go to work. Yeah, exactly. No, you know, you, oh, come on. I am here talking to you because of Les and Glenn Charles and Jimmy. That is literally why I'm here. Yeah, but then you pick massive hit shows. Well, people think, well, the good writers tend to come your way because of Cheers. I mean, literally, I'm not playing Humble Pie. I'm here because of Cheers. And it was remarkable. I was talking to somebody who was going, we need to win the jackpot, you know? And it was like, yeah, to tell the truth, I did win the jackpot.

34:33Playing Sam Malone on Cheers for 11 years is certainly a jackpot. But also, you know, the guys were talking about it earlier, you know, your vibe is, it is infectious. It does come through. You do have an ability to put your thing into whatever character you're playing, even if it's, you know, a crabby character, which you play really well. There is a Ted Danson humanity that you're able to communicate to the audience. And it's just, it's great to be with. And I'll bet it's great on set too. I'll bet that, you know, you in that leadership position create this, you know, environment where everybody, you know, kind of goes, oh, well, maybe I should bring that part of me too.

35:18And all of those things sort of add up and it becomes this really enjoyable thing to be a part of as a viewer. And I'll, you know, you're being very humble, but I'm sure that's a lot of the key to your success too, why every show works when you're a part of it. For sure. Yeah. Yeah, but I mean, no, I won't do Humble Pie, but you all know that it's the writing. I mean, yeah, you can be really good and interesting. But an asshole can fuck up good writing. Yes, that's true. Or you don't want to be around them. I do love going to work. I do love actors. I do love writers. I do love the whole process.

35:52I am as starry-eyed as I was. I love going to studio gates and crossing over Jimmy Stewart Avenue and passing, you know. That's so good to hear. And working with that crew, too. I mean, think about all those cameramen and Dolly Grips, you know, that follow Jimmy around too and Jimmy keeps, I mean, it's just a family that's. It is. And also, it's also wonderful to be part of this tribe of funny. Yeah. You know, I'm not, I am not, you guys are really quick and really funny. You really, truly are. If I have funny material, I will indeed be funny. but I don't have that thing that you guys have. But I am part of the tribe of funny and it makes me so happy.

36:43I got to shake hands and hug Mel Brooks. How fucking cool is that? Yeah, yeah. I worked with Mary Tyler Moore. Ted, I hate to break it to you, man. You're on the fucking Mount Rushmore, okay? So I got a newsflash for you. And there's no, and maybe it's because of Jimmy and the Charles brothers, but they wanted you for that same reason that you described before. They wanted you to be good and you were. You were so fucking great, man. And I wonder if you, when you come out of something like Cheers, I can't imagine because, well, I can. When you have something that has such, where there's such great chemistry and it really works and the writing is really good.

37:28and the performers are really good and you have a shorthand and you know when you're really dialed in, that is so fucking fun. And I've had a few of those moments and one of them was really when I was the most dialed in and felt like I was in a work environment in that way was working with that guy right there with JB when we did Arrest Development. There were a few months in there in my life where I was like, fucking fuck, we are dialed right now. This feels great. And it's hard, but you guys did that at a level for years. what's that like when you go from that and and what what's the morning after like is it like when you you ended up going and doing amazing things after but i mean the morning after a show like yours what was that like my technique you know i think i have a little bit of that i don't know my mother's uh spiritual religious whatever uh you know pride goeth before a fall and you know All of that, you know, it does smack of false humility.

38:29You know, here's how I handled Cheers passing. I fucked up my life so publicly and so thoroughly that the actual passing of Cheers was, oh, it's over? You know, it was that kind of, so I don't really know. I was more focused on trying to, you know, be better, Ted. And that was preoccupying me more than the end of cheers. I got you. Well, it sounds like your priorities were in check then. Yeah, and I really worked very hard on myself. And I don't think Mary would have even been walking down the same hallway as me if I hadn't. I don't think she would have even seen me. But that's life, man. I mean, we all handle things differently.

39:19Look, I can admit there have been lots of situations in my own life where I haven't handled it the best way. It doesn't mean that in the moment, but over time where I've kind of acted out in certain ways that were not the best representation of me or the best version of me. And I've felt a lot of shame about that. And I've beat myself up about it and stuff. and at the end of the day, it's just, that's life. We're all kind of dealing with it in the moment, figuring it out as we go. Yeah, you find the lane by like hitting the guardrails on both sides, you know? Yeah, and if your intention is to, you know, wake up, then all these little, you know, wounds or whatever can be, you know, a godsend in a way.

40:10But then I would imagine that it was, because I me as well you know somehow it sounds like really challenging things in personal life kind of were at the same time as really good things or important things in the professional life and and and how those can sometimes help one another or fight one another um uh what so when then when the show ended you were going navigating a challenging time for yourself question mark and then what was then that probably was somewhat scary for you to no longer have this this this cocoon of the show and the family and routine you got sort of a new version of yourself coming online internally and externally what was the was there a gap for the next kind of hammock pole if you will by with a job that that sort of brought you back up again and matched the growth you were doing personally with the success professionally?

41:11Well, you know, it came, once again, I think I was just, I was really excited to discover who I am, you know, and stop being a liar and being emotionally as, you know, this is ongoing process, obviously, but as being emotionally mature for the first time in my life or trying to be. I was fascinated I had an amazing mentor so that truly was what was preoccupying me but then right away I got a Sherry Lansing is actually responsible for Mary and I being together it was a terrible movie but we were both cast in it and we both came to each other she had just broken up from a four year relationship and was saying to friends I know I look like I should be good at relationship, but I don't.

42:02I can't. I'm not. Obviously, I'm not that person. I have two beautiful kids. I'll leave it at that. I was going, well, truly, you can fuck up any relationship and it's you, Ted, that's doing it. So maybe you need to just not be in a relationship. And we met and we became friends, having declared to each other that same kind of feeling that we both had of being kind of flops at relationship and just fell head over heel. We fell head over heel, I'll speak for myself, in love and have been inseparable ever since. It's been one of the more successful Hollywood relationships. I mean, how long has it been?

42:4629 married, 31 together. I mean, that's incredible. No way. That's amazing. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah. I can't believe how much money I lost on that. I didn't think sorry and I hate I hate admitting it no but but the odds were just you couldn't avoid them right Will yeah you couldn't I mean look at that she's so cute this is yesterday Mary on a screensaver this is yesterday come on that's so fucking great dude yeah that's why my life really works truly yeah yeah we'll be right back

43:25All right, back to the show. Ted, you know what's so funny is we often ask people when they come on here, we're like, well, you've done this and what would you want to do? You've fucking done everything. You've done it all. You've done every genre. You've done Broadway. You've done comedy. You've done drama. You've done film. You've done, like you've done, so I don't even know where to go with that. Like which one do you like? I want to keep trying to experience what it is to be funny or explore the human frailty or whatever you want to call it. It can be drama as long as it has wit, you know, and humor somewhere in there.

44:06But I want to know what that's like at every age. I want to keep acting, and I'm 77 in a few months. Wow. It's different. It's different trying to figure out how to be funny. You look amazing. Hey, you know what? We've been on this fucking podcast for like almost an hour, and that's the first time anyone has said how good I look. You look great, and you are great. And what is it that you watch? Do you watch a lot of stuff? Do you devour other material too? Like what are the things that... Yeah, anything you're watching right now that's making you really laugh? Hey, all three of you may have made me laugh so much over the years, and you do have different styles.

44:46Not today, but... Yeah. No, but Ted, it seems to be great. Are you kidding me? You should have seen me while you all were bantering. I was doing spit takes. They told me not to. You seem, you're so aware of sort of the, of bullshit. And you're so, you seem so good about being not full of bullshit and being real, being honest with yourself. It seems like you really, or at least you really make me laugh when you play these characters that they act like they are smarter than they actually are. Damages to me was one of the funniest things I got to do because that's the epitome of that. Yeah, exactly.

45:28It's sort of behaving like you're more confident than you actually are because you are aware of how fragile confidence and intelligence really is because you're honest with yourself about that. Is that kind of accurate? You like playing those characters that kind of have this kind of thin veneer that you enjoy showing the audience kind of cracks in. I love the silliness of men. I love being a silly man. Yeah, I love that too. I would like to be, you know, it can be disguised, it can be, but, you know, we're silly. We're silly creatures and I love that. Yeah, we're so flawed. Yeah, and I do love humor that comes out of sadness.

46:09I do love that it's so much fucking suffering. And if you can find a way to laugh while acknowledging the sadnesses of life, I am so happy when you get to do that well then you're gonna die laughing if you read Sean's Wikipedia page hey listen wait a minute Ted I was looking through your earlier credits and I see that you did an episode of BJ and the Bear that sounds like something right up my alley no it's not Sean what are you talking about BJ and the Bear no no no it's not BJ with the Bear no it's BJ and it's not BJ from a Bear

46:55you guys you guys are like a basketball team of three pointers you know one of the shooting guards gets hot and the rest of you just sit alone and let them run way to go Ted now you got Sean thinking about a basketball team hey listen

47:13Teddy anyway By the way, he's done every, he guest starred on every TV show. Look at his. Ever. I know. It's amazing. It's fucking insane. I'm a tramp. I'll do anything. I really will pretty much do anything. You're so lucky you get to work so much in Los Angeles too. My God. I know. That is amazing. I know. You know what I forgot about? You did those three men and a baby, right? Remember those? Yes, those are great. You must remember. You were in them. What was that? Huge success. Those were huge hits, right, Ted? One was. the first one was like gangbusters huge amount of millions and then the second one which was pretty well done and I remember having lunch with Jeffrey Katzenberg because it was about to come out Three Men and a Little Lady and we're going to do great we are keeping our eye on this other show kind of small show coming out called Home Alone but I think we'll do You came out the same weekend?

48:13Yeah Oh, my God. The bluest out of the water. Wow. That was 1990 or something like that? Yeah. No. Oh, my God. But those, I mean, those were, what was the biggest, what was the hardest part on those movies? Because you're working with a baby. Was it working with a baby or waiting for Tom Selleck to glue on his mustache? Because I would imagine. No, leave that man alone. He's one of my favorites. I'm kidding. I love the guy. Are you kidding? I love him. I'm joking. He's one of the true gentlemen in our business. Of course. I've never heard a bad thing about him. No. That's why I made the joke. He's great.

48:48If he sucked, I wouldn't. He's incredible. Magnum P.I. for me was the fucking greatest. Yeah. I lost a job due to Magnum P.I. The first year of Magnum, I played a murderous schmuck husband who's getting the shit beat out of him on a boat by Tom Selleck. and it was the first time I realized I had a big ball spot on the back of my head because there was an overhead shot of this incredible hulk of a man, handsome guy beating the shit out of this wimpy, murderous husband with the ball spot. I swear to God, this is true. Please, Steven Spielberg listens to your show, I'm sure. A lot. But my version of, and I hope it's true, was he was talking to me about Poltergeist.

49:42Then he happened to, within a week or two, see the Magnum PI episode, and I heard he was no longer interested. Well, but then he hires Craig T. Nelson, who's no Sasquatch, you know? I mean, God bless. You mean hair? Yes, you're right. You're right. He was thinning. He was thinning, yeah. So maybe I made that up. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he just didn't like my work. That could well be. I just like the no Sasquatch as well. Yeah, he's no Sasquatch. It's not like a term people, hey, look at this guy, he's no Sasquatch. Well, I'm just auditioning it. Can we keep it? Wait, wait, Ted, before we let you go.

50:24Ted, before we let you go. No, I'm on a roll. I don't want to go. No, you don't have to go. Please, we love having you. What was the last, do you remember the last audition you had? it had to have been preachers it was probably for a feature I think it was probably it was a really funny movie the first 10 minutes didn't work and then it just took off I think it ended up coming out called The Amateurs it was called The Moguls for a while it was Jeff Bridges in this small town and he decides the only way to put the town on the map is for them to do the whole town to participate in an amateur porn and that was going to put us on you probably didn't see it it's really kind of wonderful but I auditioned for that I feel like the last audition I had was Hudsucker Proxy Oh wow Coen Brothers film I remember it I bet it wasn't the last one I did but it was the last one I really remember because boy I wanted that bad I don't think auditions are bad though because don't you want to make sure you're right for the part yes I say that all the time you get an offer and then the first time anyone sees your plan for the character is right before you shoot it while you're rehearsing the scene and you can take a big swing and they go, you can hear the silence, you know, and there's no time to recast you or to give you a note to put you on a different track.

51:47It's tough, yeah. Yeah, Sean, last audition, do you remember? Uh-oh. Some Jake Gyllenhaal movie years and years and years ago. I can't remember. Wow, isn't it? Yeah. Willie? I feel like there's a BJ and a Bear joke coming in here. No. No, no, no, that was an offer. I mean, I think it was. I mean, it was, because it was through a bush. It was through a bush and it was just, hey. It was just a bunch of cash and a low voice. It was just, hey. And they hand the papers through the bushes. You got to have an answer. Come on, what's the answer? I know, I know, I know. I'm just trying to think what it was.

52:26I think I... How about Arrested Development? that audition was great I was with Tony Hale and you the last one we were all in the room together you me crushed it Jason you auditioned for that too I just kind of assumed it was yours oh yeah no no no I auditioned hard for that one I was very surprised I got an audition for that in fact the only reason Mitch Hurwitz read me for that is because he remembered me from auditioning for some pilot like a few years earlier that I didn't get but he remembered liking me for wasn't it the hockey one that perhaps I'm not sure, but boy, that show saved my life.

53:03Yeah. You all have made me, I get to say this, don't cut it, have made me laugh so hard, not only today, but in everything you've done over the years. Back at you, Ted. Likewise. Such a joy to sit in the... And a lot this hour, too. Thank you so, so, so much. Thanks for being here, Ted. You said, I'm going to say this, and I don't throw this term around lightly. You know, it's coming your way, you know. what are you going to say you're a world class jerk off no I'm not going to say that I'm going to say you're a fucking national hero you really are you really are dude you are a treasure and I just couldn't think any more highly of you I just think that you're a great guy and you're so great at what you do for so long I got you and keep doing it and I'm glad you're doing a show with the great Mike Schur whom we adore and is an unbelievable talent in his own right And just thanks for doing this, man.

53:58What a thrill to be able to sit here with you and talk to you. Honestly, just an absolute thrill for me. So thank you. Podcasts are cool, man. Podcasts are cool. Thank you for showing us the ride. And congrats on yours. Yeah, I can't wait to listen to that. Yeah, by the way, yeah, you and Woody, it turns out you've got good chemistry. Yeah, because he's so, I'm the straight guy and he's just all over the map. He's such a - Love him. I love him so much. I do too. Just quickly, and then we'll go goodbye. My favorite is Woody's during Cheers. You know, if you were 15 minutes late, it was okay. If you're a half hour late, hey, we're, you know, by 45 minutes late, people get pissed, and it was about 45 minutes late, no Woody.

54:42Somebody comes running in and said, oh, I forgot to tell you, Woody is in Berlin. The wall is coming down, and he didn't want to miss it. Oh, my gosh. Literally. No way. He's at the Floyd show. Yeah. no way good for him he was like fuck it I'm not missing this it must have been wild Ted to watch the evolution of Woody Harrelson from getting the part and starting out to at the end of the series to what he had become you know as a as a human being and as an activist and as everything as a movie star he's a he's a wonderful actor I love him I love him and the the more popular or if he gets nominated my little revenge is to watch his film on my cell phone you know Just a big movie star.

55:27I'm watching you on my cell phone. That's great. Teddy, we love you. Love you. Enjoy the rest of your trip over there. Thank you for doing this. Get rest. Good luck with your film. You woke me up. This hour did wonders for me. Thank you so much. Yeah, sure did. Bye, guys. Thank you. Bye. Bye, pal. Bye. Bye, bye, bye. He just lifted me up. I was just going to say. God, I love that guy's vibe. I mean. Something else, huh? Easy breezy. Easy like summer morning. I'd love to work. I don't think he and I have ever worked together. I'd love to work with him. Says a lot about you. Well, but I mean, it seems like...

56:04No, just that you're not sure is what it is. Well, but I guess what I'm saying is that we've had so many years in television. I bet you... That's true. We've been part of the same sort of like... Upfronts? Yeah, or like charity, you know, kind of a telethon or whatever the fuck, you know? I do think it's funny. I do think it's a very funny thing in this town where I won't say who it is, but I ran into a person that is known in the world. And she says... Male or female? Because I'll guess it. Female. And she said... I've got it. I said, hey, what's going on? She's like, have you ever been to her house?

56:42And it's like, if anybody from Chicago, where I'm from, you know who's been inside of your house. But I don't know. I disagree with that. I've said a million times to people coming over, although I'm not much of a barometer, but, you know, I'll be surprised. I'll say, like, have you not been over before? You know, because if I've been friends with somebody for a long time, you forget whether, you know, you're like over your house or my house. You just like assume. For sure. Anyway, Teddy. Teddy's great. Teddy is the greatest. Teddy's great. Teddy's great. Will, nice guest. He's so great. And, yeah, and, you know, Ted and Woody have their podcast, which he was alluding to, that I did the first episode of.

57:22Yes, that's very nice. By the way, now I'm taking credit. Like I was on the first, I didn't even know. Yeah, well, you launched it. I launched the show that I launched. That they're doing is also on Sirius, like us. Yes, we are now on Sirius. We're all under the nice, beautiful roof of Sirius. Yeah. SiriusXM. So check it out. It's called Where Everybody Knows Your Name, which is, I guess, an allusion to... Which is a nod to the song. It's alluding to something. The song, the song, the cheers song. I know, Sean. The theme song. He's making a joke, you stupid ass. Right now I want to go where nobody knows my name after that.

58:00Anyway. You know, I was looking at a lot of heads. Here we go. Fucking, here we go. I was looking at a lot of... Listen to this. By the way, Sean, before you get into it, can I just say this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so, even if we haven't done a show in a couple weeks... Go ahead. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead. We can see you coming from across the street. I can see the ramp up. Yeah. I can see, you know, like when a soccer player gets ready to take a penalty kick? All the time, yeah. And I can, you know, they do that thing, a little sort of stutter step before they get into the ball. I can see you doing your little stutter step.

58:36I can hear your engines ramp up, you know, like a semi-trucker. Anyway, I was looking at his resume. You're looking at Ted's credits. I was looking at Ted's credits. I was like, what did you see? And you tell me, you stop me when you hear something that you might want to know more about. He was on Help Me Help You. I remember that. I remember that show. He was on Heist for two episodes. He was on something called Bye Bye Benjamin. Then he was on Knights of the South Bronx. I didn't want to use a Bye Bye Benjamin. And then our front, was there one in there you want to know about? Tell me more about Bye Bye Benjamin.

59:08Oh, yeah. That's the one. That was the worst. What's it called? What the? Still rolling. You want to go back to one? one more shot at that it's called buy yeah when you got to that title you should have just hit it I know I wanted you I was setting you up as a as a courtesy what what is what is happening inside your brain do we need to send somebody over to the house to do like a fucking wellness check on you what is happening what's wrong with you alright there was a show called help me help you and then you did heist and then you did a show called bye bye Benjamin Why does it always need to go up into an octave that has never been established by any bird or...

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