A month of the Iran war through the eyes of a writer in Tehran

0:00Support for this podcast and the following message come from Rivian, makers of the all-electric three-row R1S SUV and the always capable R1T pickup designed with the planet and future generations in mind. Learn more or schedule a demo drive at Rivian.com. Today on State of the World, a month of war through the eyes of a writer in Tehran. You're listening to State of the World from NPR. We bring you the day's most vital international stories up close where they're happening. I'm Greg Dixon. Earlier in March, we brought you an Iranian view of the war through the experiences of a 28-year-old writer in the capital, Tehran.

0:42And in today's episode, we're going to again hear from this woman about her life. She's been sharing diary entries with NPR's Ruth Sherlock, who's here with me now. Hey, Ruth. Hey, Greg. So this woman asked you not to reveal her identity because she fears publicly opposing the Iranian regime could get her arrested. But as much as you can, tell us a little bit about her and how you got in contact with her. Absolutely. This is an Iranian blogger. She's 28. She's pretty liberal. She lives with her boyfriend in the capital, Tehran. And we reached her through a producer here at NPR who made that contact.

1:18And they've stayed in touch throughout this whole war. And to the extent that she can, with the very extreme limitations, with the internet being shut off in Iran. When she can, she reaches out to this producer and she sends us these diary entries and they are prolific. She's written like 258 pages to us in the last few weeks. And you prepared a report on the diary entries she sent you. Let's take a listen. From her apartment in a tower block near the snow-capped mountains that overlook Tehran, this Iranian blogger writes of the airstrikes that lands like great blows on her city. The words from her diary throughout this story are read by a voice actor.

1:59Bombing again. One, two, a few seconds apart, and three. The fighter jet is coming towards us now again. I want to get up from the couch and prepare breakfast, but the plane feels so close, so loud, it makes me shiver. It's been two weeks of war, and four friends have moved in with her and her boyfriend to find comfort in each other. When the bombs land close, they hide in a spot in the apartment between a concrete column and a cabinet away from the windows. Our shelter is not really a shelter, but it gives us a feeling of security. Despite all this, a different wound runs through her diary. The trauma of what she calls Bloody January, when people came to the streets earlier this year in massive anti-government protests about the country's spiralling economy.

2:51The government response was brutal. Videos show security forces firing into crowds. The Iranian blogger and friends were in those protests. The sound of gunfire. We took shelter behind newsstands, behind cars. Covering our faces with our hands as futile shields against the bullets. More than 6 ,000 people were killed in the demonstrations, mostly over two nights on January 8th and 9th. A Washington DC-based human rights organisation, Harana, that's rigorous in assessing death tolls, verified that number and has 17 ,000 more recorded deaths under investigation. I can't stop thinking about it for a moment.

3:37How a government could massacre so many innocent people in the most horrific way? These experiences complicate how the Iranian blogger feels about the US and Israel's war against the Iranian regime. Her diary entries at times mourn the deaths of civilians and the destruction of places she loves. She wants the war to end. But the airstrikes on government targets are also an outlet for the rage she feels against the country's leaders. This sound is the sound of revenge. The truth is, after the January protests, I can no longer think of living under this government. I don't want to be left with the Islamic Republic.

4:21I don't want them in my country. Can anyone in the world understand this level of despair? In this war, the government is watching even more closely for opponents. They've cut off internet access to the outside world. She takes huge risks buying illegal time online through a VPN. We get constant threatening text messages that we are under surveillance and must leave any telegram news channels and not speak out against the government. She goes out one night to dinner at a friend's house. On her way there, she wears a headscarf, not by choice, but because she fears showing her hair will raise suspicion that she doesn't support this religious government and make her a target for arrest.

5:04I don't sleep at night anymore. I am afraid of taking refuge in sleep. But with the internet cut, there is often no news when I am awake either. Only darkness and the shadow of death. Amid these three weeks of fear as the conflict continues, her daily life, though, is punctuated by small acts of rebellion. The government bans celebrations for Chahar Shambi Suri, the ancient Persian fire festival. Regime supporters say Iran should remain in mourning for former Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei, who was killed in an airstrike at the beginning of the war. But when the day of the festival comes, the blogger from her balcony sees a neighbour quietly celebrating.

5:50He lit a fire in his yard. This spurs her and her boyfriend, in defiance of the government orders, to light firecrackers. Then I saw a little boy I know from the supermarket setting off firecrackers too. We all went to the alley and set off firecrackers together. A neighbour who supports the government leaned out of his window and shouted, I'm calling the security forces to come and take you away. But more neighbours gathered and we shouted back at him together, Be quiet, this is our ancient ritual. We jumped over fire someone made in the alley by setting a cardboard box alight. Government supporters in the neighbourhood played mournful music to try to drown out the sound of these celebrations.

6:36And then, from another apartment window, an opponent of the regime played music by Hayede, a famous Iranian singer from before the revolution that brought this regime to power.

6:52So now there's only the sound of our music, firecrackers and explosions. What a beautiful night. When Nauru's the Persian New Year comes a few days later, the trees have unfurled their spring leaves, sparrows sing, and, she says, a rainbow appears over the city. She writes about how she placed a speaker by her window and played out a patriotic anthem for the people of Iran. As this mixed with the sounds of explosions from airstrikes that sent tremors through buildings, she says she cried, for all that Iranians have lived through and for their life now in this war. That was NPR's Ruth Sherlock, who's here with me now.

7:35Ruth, she's really expressing some complicated emotions there. She's scared of the bombs falling around her, but she also calls them the sound of revenge. Yeah, and I think that is what the running theme through this diary is, this sense of being conflicted. Nobody wants a war on their country. And there's moments in that diary where she is really terrified. You know, she is afraid that she's going to lose her life. At one point, she describes like covering her face with a pillow to try to protect her face so she should be killed. People could recognize her. I mean, really dark, frightening stuff.

8:10At the same time, she has suffered under this government. She feels as though her country has been hijacked by leaders that she hasn't chosen to run this country. And when she sees, you know, an airstrike has hit a police station where she was once arrested by the morality police for not properly wearing her hijab, she can't help but kind of celebrate that. So yeah, it's a really like conflicted moment for her. She also talks about how with the internet blackout, there's no news. I mean, I can imagine, you know, if there's a loud explosion near my house, the first thing I would do is go online to try and figure out what's happening.

8:44But she can't do that while there's bombing around her. That's it. There's this kind of sense of confusion and darkness. And like you said, Greg, like we hear a loud noise in our house. You know, you might go to X, for example, to try to figure out what's happening. What are people saying about this moment? She can't do that. Most Iranians can't do that. In fact, the only way she gets online is to buy access through this VPN. And that's quite dangerous in itself. The government has banned this kind of access to the outside world. and being found out that you're doing that could be enough to get you arrested.

9:18There's these moments in this war where she is desperate to find out what's happening outside, unable to because even with this access, she can only connect online for maybe two hours a day maximum. And so she's like looking at her bookshelf saying, you know, I'm going to read every book on this bookshelf. That's what I'm going to do. I've got to do something to pass the time here. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for bringing us this glimpse of her life in Tehran. Thank you, Greg. It's NPR's Ruth Sherlock.

9:51That's The State of the World from NPR. Thanks for listening. These days, it feels like the news changes every hour. Well, NPR has a podcast that does that, too. NPR News Now brings you a fresh five-minute episode every hour of the day with the latest, most important headlines in episodes that are clear, fact-based, and easy to digest. Listen to NPR News Now on the NPR app or wherever you get your podcasts.