Pete's not happy with his Halloween presents...

0:00Hello and welcome to Staying Relevant, the Halloween spooky bonus episode. Hosted by me, Sam Thompson, who's ghoulishly fun, and Peter James Wicks, who's scarily freaky on this bonus episode. Christ. Well, if you're still here and that's not scared you away. That was tough. That was bad. That wasn't my best. Yeah, it's fine. No, it's fine. Yeah, it wasn't great for me. You reckon? Yeah, it was like two. Two out of ten. Yeah, it was... I think two might be a stretch as well. This episode will contain swearing. If you don't like it, go f*** yourself. The bonus episode is all about you, as you know.

0:45So if you want to get in touch, send email the worst email address in the world, which is... HelloSRProductions.co.uk This is the bonus episode. So we've got some emails that are Halloween related. Hmm. Oh, God, what are they going to be scarily? I'm going to shut up. Yes, please. I'm going to stop that because I can't. I'm not quick enough to do it. So I'm just going to read the email. Hey, boys. And she's actually written it like that. Now spooky season is around the corner. I've gone Halloween themed. A zombie apocalypse has broken out and a zombie is trying to kill you. You get one chance to convince it not to eat you.

1:23You can use absolutely any argument you like, emotional manipulation, bribery, or logic. What's the pitch to convince the zombie to spare your life? Oh, Sam, you're up first. Why should the zombie let you live? I look forward to Pete then rebutting all the points. Love you both and thanks for making me laugh every single week, Stacey. Right, Sam, go on then. Give it to me. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, stop, stop. Mates, just give me a fucking second. Stop. They're known zombies for how well they respond to no. Just leave it out. Just wait. Just leave it out. Just wait. Wait. Just wait. Wait. Give me two minutes.

1:58alright fine I'm a zombie I'm a zombie fine you've got two minutes mate thank you Jesus Christ okay fuck mate why are you doing this right like what the hell so you're gonna try and appeal we don't need to do this we can live harmoniously together I'll find you meat to eat you just don't need to eat people you know but I've got a taste for them now yeah well yeah we don't want to that's just selfish don't be selfish well it's that's just my diet pal well Well, that might be true, mate. But, you know, there's other living beings on this planet and I don't want to die. So if I'm not going to eat you, who am I going to eat?

2:33Fucking Ben, then. If you're going to eat someone, eat him. What's wrong with Ben? I don't know. You look tastier. No, look. I've got a family. No, you don't. Well, how do you know? Because I've eaten them. They're dead. Well, I had a family. Well, exactly. So what have you got to live for? Well, I need to... Well, mate, I've just lost my family. Give me something. Fucking hell. I will. I'll eat you quick. No, I don't want to be eating, mate. You just eat my fucking family. But you've got nothing to live for. Have you not taken enough? Well, it's funny because all your family said to eat you first.

3:09Well, do you know what? I'm glad you ate him. Fuck him. Well, there you go then. So you've got nothing to live for, so I'm just going to eat you. Well, I'll shoot you in the head. Well, why didn't you do that first before trying to appeal to me? Because now what I've done is I've stalled you, and now I've actually got a shotgun. So whilst we've been having this conversation, I've watched you go and get your shotgun load it up and not wondered why you might be loading up no this nothing to do with you exactly what are you going to do now right I'm going to eat you right at this point I've stopped listening and half your face is missing but I've taken you down no you haven't I've eaten you but then I've become a zombie that's not Well, yes, that's how it...

3:56Yeah, so now I'm a zombie with you and I'm just pissed off. And I'm just annoying you now. So what we've done... So the argument that you've gone with, which you went with, you tried with emotional manipulation. Yeah. Yeah. And some logic. Yeah. Resulted in you being a dessert. But my last thing to say to you would, are you sure you want to eat me? Yeah. But why? It's my diet. and you're right in front of me. It's easy pickings. That's just lazy. You're being a lazy zombie, mate. There's fucking loads out here. You effectively, to me, you're the equivalent of a pepper army. First of all, not going to fill you up properly.

4:39Might as well have something a little bit more sustaining. Well, I don't know. There's a bit more meat on the bone than a couple of years ago. Also, do you want me to be a zombie? Well, yeah, yeah. You sure? You want me rocking around next to you all the time? See, that would be the most convincing argument, actually. There we go. That's the most... If you'd said to a zombie, I'll tell you what, if you don't eat me, I'll avoid you. And then you ain't got to be around me. If you do eat me, I'm going to be your zombie mate. Exactly. Then what I would do is go, do you know what? Crack on, mate. Off you go.

5:03Do you know what? Go on. Off you go. Off you go. By that point, I've got my shotgun again. Right. Excellent. You've been done. No, nice. You've been done. Okay. All right. Well, look, you know, we got there in the end. Yeah. We got there in the end. That was nice. I like it. Roll reversal. It's just a steak in the head. You're gone. No, you can't do that. You've got to stop me. I have. I've put a steak in here. No, no. You've got to sever the brain. You've got to sever the brain from the body. I'm not going to try and reason with a fucking zombie, am I? The parameters. Because I've just watched him eat you.

5:33So whilst he's been eating you, I've got my shotgun out. No, the rules don't state you can do that. You've got to have dialogue. All right. Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough, you silly. All right. Fucking right. Cool. All right. Well, let's fucking go then. well fine then I'm biting back okay cool alright I'm going straight in I'm biting back I don't care I don't mind being a zombie there's a few people I want to fucking eat so come but I will fight you for it first cool okay great I'm ready for it okay awesome come on you silly fucking boy why have you changed accent as the zombie I don't know because I've sort of matched I feel like I'm sort of like alright

6:13the zombie started off very you and then turned well I don't know because he's covered me. Pete's transformed the zombie. I just feel like, you know, the best, I would, it mind games, isn't it? Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm not going to start going, oh, please don't eat me. I'll go fucking come on here, son. Okay, fine, but what if I've got, what if I've got backup? What, a couple of them? Yeah. I'll take you and your fucking mates. No, you're not mates. I've got Big Dean. Big Dean. Oh, not Big Dean, the king of the zombies. Who the fuck's Big Dean? Big Dean's one of them bloated zombies that like, it's just like it's just so in fact well I'm going to be quicker than that yeah but they're deceptively fast yeah I'm I'm I'm going to fight the zombie and I'm going to tell him that alright and I to be perfectly honest with you I'll start frothing at the mouth I do when I get angry I imagine that might scare him off you've gone for logic either way we're both dead at least I've gone out swinging you've gone out begging wow yeah unless you're there in which case you can just pop them both with a fucking shotgun.

7:17Great question from Stacey though. Fuck me. All right. Wonderful question. The next one is from a Mexican lad called Adam. You're going to love the intro. Hola amigos. It's actually Aloha. Even better. Aloha. Isn't that Hawaiian? Yeah. So we've got a mixed heritage, Hawaiian and Mexican with a name like Adam.

7:43so just just just Aloha Amigos yeah you read it no I think it'd better come from you no go on you read it I don't like him already so I think you should read it I saw the opening that email I went Pete's gonna hate him I think no one no one could hate Aloha Amigos more as an intro than Pete would I just if you're gonna email just Sam and Pete comma and then tell us what you want. Well, the second line's done. Aloha, amigos. I think it's Aloha, amigos. Let's move on from that because he has wrote more than that. Okay, fine. Aloha, amigos. You generally make my Mondays and Thursdays so much better, so thank you.

8:25Now it's October and I thought it was only right to ask you a suitably terrifying question in the hope to trigger some ranting. Oh, we love a rant. What is the scariest thing about today's society? Oh, hello. Things like social media, dating culture, the younger generation take the younger generation take your pick light you on a pumpkin patch if you will big love Adam he's trying to get us into socio-economics fucking hell he's trying to bait trying to rage bait us into where it's just sort of like what I didn't expect is someone that starts an email like that to ask us one of the most topical questions we've had all year Jesus Christ he's trying to get us to decide whether we want labour or reform Jesus I don't know if this is the pod for that mate I don't know people What's the scariest thing about this flight?

9:10You've got to give me a chance to think. Validation. Oh, okay. So we're being serious. Well, it's quite a serious question. Yeah, but it is. No, you're right. If you want serious, validation. If you want unserious, AI. But that is quite serious. Not gorillas? Well, they've been sort of around in society for a while. They're not saying this new that's happened to me that I've just discovered. Yeah. So I'm going to... Because I can make the AI one is also serious. Yeah. AI can really fake people. Well, it's just what do you believe? Yeah, what are you going to believe in nowadays? What do you believe?

9:46Do you know what I mean? I literally, yesterday, watched a video of Gandhi who's dead playing football for Barcelona. I saw that. I saw that. It's also a T-Rex one, which is quite a joke. I just don't know what to believe. So that for me, AI is one of the scariest things. Mosquitoes for me. Not, been around for longer than civilization. things like you hate when you see I've been with you when you've seen it and it's really upset you which is ironic people doing like a TikTok dance out in public like say they're stood at a bus stop fuck me that is ironic and they're like phones propped up and they're doing the dance like on their own you don't like things like that okay I've got one then for you okay but forgive me for thinking you were confused because you said gorillas and then you said mosquitoes didn't you no I appreciate that I did sound confused because I was confused you're right I was confused let me fly yeah no no no No, you're right.

10:37Yeah. Let me fly. I've got one. Dolphins. No, I get it now. I get it now. I would say people are really, really enjoying at the moment filming themselves working out in the gym with their stand. And it's tough as a guy because you, so I'm ADHD, as you all know, and I'm very much a looker. I look. Oh, okay. No, no, no. not at anything in particular yeah no no no no no no no do you know what this is this is get there first before someone says it Sam's recently been caught staring at a bird in a gym and now he's just trying to put it out there I haven't I haven't at all but now I just I like people watching at like the best of times but like I do it at the gym like if I'm in between sets I'll just look at people right but then like if someone's working out I'll see them working out and then you'll see a camera behind me and go fuck I look like I've just been looking at them and then you panic for the rest of your set going oh no No, I look like one of them creepy dudes.

11:38So let's take that. So is your specific to filming at the gym? I just don't know why you need to bring a fucking train. Well, I don't know why you need to film your entire life. That's one of mine. Not you purposely, but you. But everyone else is. Why? Why is everything? And this is the validation part of it. Everyone has stopped living and started living for other people because it's not relevant or it's not. nothing matters unless someone said you've done a good job. No one does it because they want to do it. That's today's society which ties in with what you're saying. Why don't you just go to the fucking gym?

12:15If you were good at it you'd have your own gym. Film as much as you want. Something to work towards. Oh I've got another one. Please, carry on. People who set up a podcast to talk about like That's one of mine and all people that set up a podcast. People who set up a podcast to talk about like being successful but they're not successful yeah really good one actually really good and I don't understand because you're sitting in a mic and it doesn't even look like I don't even think they're talking to anyone I think they're just they've recorded themselves Sam and I filming a show at the minute and I've seen it a lot is it's the world of the scam these days and it's so easy to scam people because I don't think they really believe a lot what they're doing but it makes them money telling people how they should live their lives and asking them to pay you for the privilege of telling them how to live their life knowing that you don't even live your life that way, but you're going to pretend that you are.

13:07Fucking, yes, really good one, actually, that, Sam. Never, ever, ever buy a plan. If someone's selling a plan, it means that's how they're making their money, not because of the thing they're trying to tell you that you need to achieve. Absolutely. So it's for financial benefit. But how people buy the plan, I do not know. On that note, it's now we can actually finally announce something, is that we are setting up a seminar. on how to start a podcast. It's very, very cheap. Tickets are only£19.99 plus an ongoing subscription fee of£9.99. And we will help you through the planning process. We've got Pippa and Josh on hand for lives.

13:46And we can just help you through that kind of thing because there's lots of money to be made in podcasts. And we can also guarantee you in three months, you will be a millionaire. I want a sport to plan. Yeah, we go. I want a sport to plan to get over a breakup. When?

14:04I was so distraught. I remember it was after I broke up. I can't tell you who it was. It was after Tiff. And I remember, and I didn't know what to do. I'd never had a girlfriend, so I didn't know what the feeling was of what I thought was heartbreak. And I was like, what do I do? And so I typed it into how to get, as I suppose. So what was the first step on this plan? Get your teeth done? I can't remember. It was like, it was actually quite good. It was like, it was like, you're going to, the time is a healer or something like that. It was so cheesy. It was so cheesy. And I remember listening to it going, oh, I've been done here.

14:39I've been done here. But I actually bought a plan. I bought a how to get over your girl. On that note, yeah. So I think one of the scariest things about stay site is people benefiting from others' misery. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Benefit from everyone else's fear. There is, no one does anything anymore to be a good person. Other than us that's staying relevant. we're good peoples to be honest with you I'm a c*** but that's not everyone of course but you just see it an awful lot people now think that a niche in the market is not having a great product to sell that is different to everything else it's copying another product and then working out how to make more money from it whether or not it's good for people or not but we have and we are going to require you to buy something soon but it is for a good course we also just sort of light on the toe fucking hell Adam, see this is the problem, you give us one of them and we're like oh god where do we go from here but luckily to bring up the vibes, the mood, the energy boo basket season is upon us and we have made our very own boo baskets for each other oh yay No, no, come on.

15:56Come on. Come on. They're behind your chair. Have a little look. You're welcome, in brackets. Pippa just making sure she gets the credit she deserves for this. Please unbox them like you're an old school YouTuber and discuss your thoughts on context. So before we do this, Sam, what in the fuck does an old school YouTuber unbox? Oh, I know how to do. Hey, guys, welcome to my channel. Today we're going to be doing... Today we're going to be unboxing. We don't have to be American. Hey, guys, welcome to our channel. Today we're unboxing a boom-bop. A Hufflepuff changing chocolate flavour hot drink mix cone?

16:28Wow. Watermelon flavour witch's hair candy floss. It's actually a class candle. Some bit more YouTuber-y. Well, I've got... Hey, guys. Welcome to my vlog. I'm Sam Thompson. This is Staying Relent. Please like and subscribe. So I have got some chocolate eyeballs. I've also got some fluffy pumpkins, which I think Pippa's probably going to steal. That's the kind of thing you'd want. Some candy floss witches hair, which everyone needs on Halloween. Some socks, which feel... Perfect for cozy season. Perfect for cozy season. Boo basket. A candle, which is really sweet because Pete told me he was going to get me a candle, so that's nice that he remembered.

17:08And some Hufflepuff chocolate drink. And also a tea towel. Yes, pumpkins on it. And a tea towel. Cat toy. And a cat toy. I'm actually quite happy with this. See, it's a boo basket. Yeah, no, I'm quite happy. You get your boo. I'm quite, it's where you get your boo. And also some petrified pumpkins, white chocolate favourite candy pumpkins, spooky season, gruesome goodies. Pete, what you got? All right, guys. So I've got my boo box here. It's much the same, similar sort of crap to Sam's. I've got a mug that you can't drink out of. That's got a plastic bag in it. For Rodney, I think. Oh, a dog toy.

17:53Yeah, I could do that. Yeah, cool. Spooky dog toy. There's a pair of socks. There's some ghosts, a bat and a pumpkin on. Shall we put them on? So, which is, oh, I'm busy. So it's perfect for cosy season. Mostly tissue paper in mine. Mostly tissue paper. Oh, big, big thing at the bottom. Yay. Yay. no expense spared here. I've got some... Heelys! Got some Heelys, but the best thing about the Heelys is someone's taken them. So I've just got the Heely box. And I think they're the Heelys that we've already worn, aren't they? No, I think that might have been to raise the items to the top a bit more.

18:37Oh, so... Right, so we couldn't fill the little box with stuff, so I've got a cardboard box, which is good for just keeping stuff in during this season. In fact, it would be really useful because what I'm going to do is transfer them from this box into this box. I dropped some stuff. Oh, a pumpkin. Wibbles. Oh, it's got a nice candle. Pumpkin picking scented candle.

19:10Actually smells quite nice. But absolutely vile colour. Orange pumpkin. Yeah, I hear you. But no, it's good. good for candle and love pistachio so I've got some white chocolate and pistachio flavour hot chocolate that's quite nice you're happy with that and then what else have we got

19:32is that a ghost outfit that I think is a chiffon chiffon scarf no do you know what I know what this is this was some decoration this was something we used to cover some stuff up when we were filming the other day but I think you can wear it some sort of chiffon scarf is that what it actually is I think similar reason but I think similarly I think it was just to plump out the box a little bit but if you do want to because you can always you make your ooh ooh somebody's scary fuck you just want to be a gun and then a little bit jealous of your tea towel because I got a cum rag

20:14because that's not a tea towel but it's also it's not big enough to be a towel. Cumrag is quite the state. So it's a, but it is a pumpkin season cumrag. Pumpkin season. So, but some good stuff that I'm really over. Pip is going to definitely have the candles for sure. Yeah, well, no. Yeah, of course. No, Rodney will enjoy his toy and the empty shoe box will come in handy for me. I've got a question for you, Pip. Da-da-da question time. Halloween question, inbound here, if you wouldn't mind. If you're a ghost for 24 hours, who would you haunt and why? You. No, you wouldn't. You'd have enough of me.

20:57I'd be happy you were there. Yeah, but you wouldn't know it's me. And it wouldn't be sort of a nice haunting, like sort of just like doing nice bits for you. I'd fuck you up. What would you do? Oh, I'd just move loads of stuff around your fucking house. You lift me from the bed. You levitate me. I think I'd drag you from the bed by your ankles and all the way down the stairs so you smash your head on every step. I could see him doing it as well. Out to the front door. Who would I haunt? I don't know because I don't know. I'm not really up on what ghosts do when they haunt. Is it bad or can you haunt good?

21:35I think it's typically bad. But you can't. It's more fun to haunt bad, isn't it? Oh, yeah, 100%. I would haunt bad. I don't know who I care enough to really... What can you do as a ghost in terms of haunting? Can you touch them? Can you hurt them? I don't think so. That feels more sinister. Yeah. I think it's more like messing with their head. I always think, like, if you're a ghost, imagine seeing what the ghost is actually doing. Because let's say, like, the door is opening and shutting. Like, if you don't see the thing moving it, you're like, oh, fuck, that's quite scary. Yeah, exactly. Imagine just seeing the ghost actually in real life.

22:10going like it loses it's scare i feel like well like if it opens and shuts the drawers and it's going that's what pete means though you wouldn't know it's him yeah so you wouldn't know it's me i wouldn't know by the by the clasp around my ankles and the drag out of bed i'd know exactly who that would be i'd be like fuck off it has to be somewhat yeah it has to be someone that um that you really know is i can't imagine it's just fun scaring people you don't know You know what I mean? It's a bit like... Also, maybe someone who'd be like, yeah, I know that's Pete. That's quite a joke. Do you know what I mean?

22:41Quite a joke. I think if I was like, I'd just be sort of quite annoying. Do you know what I mean? More than really horrible. Because if you're really horrible, I mean, you are. Yeah. Yeah. A few pranks, a few tricks. Yeah. Yeah. You know, sort of a ghosty little fun stuff. Are you a funster at the moment, actually? No. No? I think you might be. All right. Okay. I'm not real pranks are just not my I don't bit of a new man here mate trick or treaters knock at the door what are you doing pretending you're out or are you opening that door and giving them some chocolate well I mean I know because I have pretended I'm out every year I switch all the lights off and sit in the dark it's even scarier well they don't know because then they assume that I'm not there god do you remember your house used to get egged well this is why it used to fucking but now obviously it's different for me because I live in the sky so it's fine they can't get up there So you wouldn't give out any candy?

23:37You wouldn't be like, here you go. Well, no, because it's great. I do understand that it's a good thing for kids, you know, the trickle trick. I'll leave a bucket out there. They can let themselves first come first served. Yeah, nice. You should, you know, early bird catches the worm, early fucking kid catches the sweets. Yeah. If you're fucking late, it's your own fault, isn't it? Yeah. You shouldn't have been such a lazy c***. Exactly. You know, it gives them an ideal work ethic. Blame the parents. Well, for kids these days, you have to blame most of the parents. How about you? Are you, because I mean, you live on a street where there's lots of kids.

24:08I have. Your nephew is of the age where I presume he's trick-or-treating. Do we believe in that as a family? I've trick-or-treated with him before. Okay, so will you be doing that? Very sweet. Will you be doing that this year? I do get it that it's nice for kids, by the way. I take the piss and everyone, but I wouldn't actually like kick a child if he came with a pumpkin, you know what I mean? I'm not going to be there this year. I'll just make sure they couldn't get in. I'm not going to be there this year, but I have always given out chocolate. The only problem is they go through it. And also you got to remember this.

24:31This is like, like 101. When you're being, when you, when your house is being ready for sweets, you have to like not give them too much at the start. Cause once word gets around and it does get around that you're giving out loads, mate, they swarm your gaff. So like, you got to be careful to like give it out like incrementally. You don't want to give too much away because then you are getting, it's quite annoying. you're getting so many rings on the doorbell and the moment you sit down it's straight again sit down straight again sometimes kids are coming back for seconds as well but I've been at your house but you can counter that because listen for the kids I get it they can't come to Margaff so it's nice yours if that was me you could counter that because get a deck chair on the front thing just open the gate not on the property and then get them to catch the suites as you throw them from a bucket whilst their parents are standing there and I'm lobbing sweets at their kid here you go little shit well then earn a sweet then kid don't step too far but it's the main road but

25:40well that's what we do then Pete round Sam's and you can give us some sweets out I'll be in Vegas and that'll be a different type of trick or treat oh lucky dip no I know who she is and last but not least you've spoken about it every year I think since since you started your fascination with Maya Gemma this year unable to attend for real unable to attend did you get the call up though didn't get the invite this year so okay honestly for once this is good this is nice happy days well don't worry about it because it's the second biggest Halloween party in the UK now well she'll probably be eyeing that one I've actually been like ooh fuck there's a new check on the block.

26:24Halloween Wars. I like it. Well, I did get invited to Lynn's, so, you know, every cloud. Ta-da. Love you guys. This has been a Staying Relevant production. Hello, Relevanters. We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog, Marry, Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. so prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas and possibly the genie from Aladdin we don't know yet we were sort of like undecided on that one that's an avoid for me that one genie I don't know I quite like it listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership