Pete Has a Lot to Say About This...

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1:17Wegovi is the registered trademark of Novo Nordisk AS. To get started and learn more, including important safety information, Wegovi clinical study information and restrictions. Visit ForHers.com. So the Calvin Klein conundrum. The Calvin Klein conundrum. Calvin Klein has rumbled on off camera to the point where now Sam is still adamant that he'd do it. So if there are any underwear brands out there, doesn't have to be Calvin Klein because we know that they've got their guy right now. Sam is up for it. We'll take it seriously. Get in contact. We'll do it for a cheap price. Maybe we can get you an underwear campaign.

1:59Mate, it's more so just that as Calvin Klein. It's like such a cool thing. But it's going to backfire on you. In the little break, Pippa went, no, seriously, that would be career-ending. Not just that. Mate, she came up to me and lent over me. Whispered in and went, no, it's career-ending. Whispered in and went, Sam, you couldn't. You physically couldn't. I'm not saying this because you're in a bad chair, because you're not. So you can do it now, because you've got a decent rig on you. I love how seriously we're taking this out. This is so good. You as a person and Calvin Klein is the bit that I think we're all struggling with.

2:32It's just not your brand, is it? It's not your brand. Do you know what? It's just not your brand. Duracell, your brand. Calvin Klein, underwear model, not. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Staying Relevant, the bonus episode with me, Sam Thompson. Calvin Klein model. Peter, James, Jonathan, Joseph Wicks. This episode will contain swearing. If you don't like it, go f*** yourself. Now, this is the bonus episode, which means it's Thursday. You'll be able to watch this on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from 5pm on Sunday. And then Monday's main episode, which came out audibly, you can now watch on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from 5pm last night, which means that it's ears on a...

3:11It's ears on a Monday and Sunday. No, f***. Or you've got me here. It's ears on a... Monday, Thursday. And eyes on her. Wednesday, Sunday. There we go. I really enjoy that. I quite like it. It's really. Yeah, yeah. It's just keeping everyone on their toes, isn't it? It's like a puzzle. A tickety-boo.

3:29What? Make sure you rate, reviewed all of that crap. This is the bonus episode, which means it's all about you. So if you want to get involved, then email the worst email address in the world, which is? Hello, srproductions.co.uk. Emails. Alexa has messaged in. She goes, hi, Sam. Hi, Pete. With Bonfire Night upon us, can we discuss neighbours who think it's acceptable to set off fireworks at 11.47pm on a Tuesday? I'm all for celebration, but surely there's a cutoff point. Also, did either of you ever make a Guy Fawkes as kids? Is that still a thing? Am I being miserable? Or is there nothing more annoying than an amateur fireworks display when you're trying to sleep?

4:10Do you know what? I'm going to be really honest with you. Guy Fawkes and Bonfire Night is a real, it conflicts me. You like it for one reason, don't like it for another. The animal side of things, it's a fucking nightmare. Genuinely is a fucking nightmare. Fucking dogs hate it, cats hate it. You've got wild animals. It's a fucking nightmare. Me personally, love it. I don't do the fireworks and all the other stuff anymore because of the dogs. but I do love seeing fireworks. I used to love bonfire night as a kid. I love fire. I've said it before but I love it. Like I really love fire. Oh, your eyes whining.

4:49I just think it's mesmerising and I love it but it's fucking shit for animals and all that sort of stuff. So 11.47 on a Tuesday, you know, when bonfire night is at the weekend and then it's on Wednesday and then Thursday and then Friday and then Saturday. It's a whole week of fucking terror for animals. So it's fucking awful. But also, yes, the amateur shit, when they do like a big fireworks night, bonfire and all that crap in the middle of nowhere, it's still crappy for the fucking wildlife and whatnot. But in the middle of cities, when you've got like your dogs and all the rest of it, and it's every fucking night, and it's just some next door who's just blowing up fucking half of his garden.

5:31You're not even doing it for the kids, you silly. You're doing it because you want to act like a fucking, oh, look, no bed. so yes bullshit hate it if they could if they could make silent fireworks then I would love it because I think they're amazing to look at but they haven't so it's just in their garden setting fire to shit yeah I've do you know what I've never set off a firework before I nearly burnt down someone's conservatory years ago from not nading in a cathering wheel to the fence and it went for a run around the garden and ended up in the conservatory it was a whole fucking nightmare yeah It was the start of a bonfire?

6:09We managed to get it out. Yeah. Yeah, we had to kick it through the door. It took multiple attempts because it gave me a glass. Jesus Christ. Carpet was fucked. Was it your gaff? No, thank God. Oh, God. But, yeah, so really conflicted because I love the spectacle of fireworks. I really do. Like, is there anything, you know when you see fireworks and it's like one of them things and you're just like, fucking man wow i genuinely am like a kid when it comes to that but i i do fucking hate it because it is so shit for fucking animals eric was deaf so he was fine towards the end but people fucking hated it and she literally just shaking terry is fucking awful especially when it goes on for a week unregulated so you just get knobheads who go and buy fireworks and they often but and people make a fortune with fireworks you start seeing them the size of the rose just being sold like fucking rocket packs for 50 quid and shit and fuck knows where they come from or what they do Sparklers are fine because they're silent.

7:03I used to love a sparkler. And you can make your name. Yeah, sparklers are nice. I like that. I like bonfire night. I don't feel any which way. My cats hate it, which obviously I suck. Yes, it's fucking shit. Residential areas, when people are whacking them up, why are you such a ****? Also, why do you care so much about doing it yourself? Because I would go to an event. So for me, if it's like bonfire night, there's like there's a sort of tennis club down the road from me and like I go to the Hurlingham and maybe watch the bonfire there and go and watch the you know it's relatable most people have to go to the Borough County Council and they fucking get stuck in mud with the fucking car or you can go to Embankment they do some Embankment as well like really really nice and like I love a bonfire that's fucking cool I really really love that I do love yeah and you've got like you've got a hot chocolate or something and you're watching like a bonfire and also I know this sounds really lame but if you've got a significant other, quite nice to be there cosy.

7:59I've got to say, I think it's a very cosy, like it's a cute kind of night, isn't it? You know when you get kind of dressed up and it's a little bit cold and you see all the fun. Like I do get it but I wish it was banned. Yeah, well, yeah. I don't really care either way. To be honest with you, like all things, I think you run out of care when you get to our age and then when you have kids again, you care again. so like I imagine that like if and when we have kids it will revert back to I'll be like oh my god I can't wait for bonfire nights I can't wait to see my kids well did you well this is a this is a good point actually let me get onto the time first of all 11.47 11.47 so precise near midnight yeah I know that's quite but I would hate that yeah it gets dark at 6pm whack it up at 7pm you fucking slag yeah and on a Tuesday as well it's like mate do you know what I mean you've got to be up early do you know what I mean we've got work and stuff yeah You fucking ignorant piece of shit.

8:57Now, the kids, as a kid, whenever you see people, oh, do you know what? The kids love it. Kids are all screaming. They fucking hate it. Were you a kid that loved it? No, I loved it. I loved it. I was the same. I loved it. Wasn't bothered about the bangs, just loved the fucking spectacle. I was that kid. But whenever you used to go to Bonfire, there was always being people, no, the kids are going to love this. Kids are screaming with headphones on, going, what the fuck? Most kids don't actually like it. I didn't know that. Genuinely, because they all don't know what the fuck is happening. Get the sparkle and all the rest of it.

9:29But, yeah, when you go to a lot of that, so many people. I don't know if kids do like it that much, if I'm honest with you. I was the kid that loved it. I loved it as well. I loved the bonfire. And then you'd get a little bit of mulled wine. If you're a kid, you'd be like, oh, can I have a mulled wine? Then you'd maybe get like a half little mulled wine. You'd be like, ah. Very fun. Yeah, I liked it. But I don't feel, I feel like it's one of your favourite, like without the fireworks, but it's one of your favourite nights. It's so annoying because it's something that I always loved, but now I genuinely wish it was fucking banned.

9:57Yeah. And that would eradicate the problem of doing fireworks at 11.47 on a Tuesday night. The selfish little fuckers. Next one. Go on, mate. Take it down. Hey, boys. I was having a conversation with friends recently about things we absolutely refuse to spend money on. Oh, God, you're going to love this. No matter how much we earn. For me, it's paying for bottled water when there's a perfectly good tap nearby. You're really going to love this. What's something you think is a complete waste of money and will never spend your hard-earned cash on? Are there any purchases you just cannot justify? Love you all and thanks for always making me feel part of the game.

10:36Georgia. Hey, Georgia. Well, these are two things that I think we go straight to Sam for because they're things that Sam loves a runt about money and recently Sam and I have discussed quite heavily Tapwater, the old council pop. And it's something that he feels very passionately about as well. So we've got two things that you're going to say. So Sam, take it away. It's funny because we've had Bonfire Night for Pete. Oh, really, something for everyone. We've had been tight as houses for me. I'll tell you what, and listen, honestly, do listen because I know we've discussed Bonfire Night and Tapwater on this episode, but it's, you know, we're going to make it fun.

11:15Okay, first of all, I fucking hate tap water. I'm not one for conspiracy theories, but Sam has convinced me that a lot of health issues that we face now is because people, it's to do with tap water. I also, by the way, think that growing up, I would drink out the hose back in the day. I think like growing up, I think it was a lot different to where it is now. I think back then, I was just tap water. Do you not drink out the hose when you were a kid? Playing in the garden with your mates and you'd literally be like spray it was like summer's day oh i didn't go fuck me i need to drink pop outside and switch the hose no it's like you're already out there playing with you just made it sound like get outside get that hose going in son i'm sure it would go in my mouth at some point but like i just when i was playing in the garden with my mates there was hot weather outside i just playing the hose on just drink out and i and i had no problem doing that and like if anything it tastes amazing but i feel like we lived in a different time and i feel like now you and i Yeah, we're older now.

12:13Oh, sorry, different era. You and I lived in different times. I feel like I was in a different time too. I'm not that fucking old. Pete was from the 60s. But I do, I think it was cleaner then, weirdly. I do think it was cleaner. And I think now I just don't trust it. I would drink bottled water, but then you have your own problems with bottled water, microplastics, all that kind of stuff. I would pay money for a water filter under my tap. And I would pay money for a stainless steel holder for my water as well. Those kind of things. I actually would pay money for, I feel like. And if you want one of those, then you can go to staying relevant shop where we've got water bottles that are stainless steel.

12:49Because we didn't scrimp. Do you know what I wouldn't do? And you're going to be like, fuck off. Because I just, I wouldn't do this genuinely. I wouldn't buy like a Ferrari. I don't look at something and go like, my worth as a human being is valued in an automobile. I think that's more preference because I think there's. You know when people buy cars for the sake of looking good driving down the street? If you are interested in cars and shit like that, and it's something that's like a hobby, because, you know, a lot of people wouldn't pay for, you know, hundreds of pounds for Harry Potter ones.

13:23But I think if it's an interest to you, I get it. It's the reason you're doing it. But like a car, I agree, it gets you from A to B. Like, my car now, I've got the biggest of the fucking dog. And you'll have that for a while now, I imagine. But the point is, it's not my fucking dream car, but I do love cars. but would I get here? Yeah, absolutely. I'd get my drink because I like cars. I like driving. I like all that sort of stuff but things that just do the job I don't understand if it's not of a specialist interest of yours. That I agree. Do you know what I mean? So I do get what you mean about the car.

13:53It all gets you to A to B. I get it but some people love that. If you love cars and you can always tell the car enthusiasts as well because they've got like run down Porsches or something like that and you're like, that's really cool. That's my dream. I get the coolness aspect of like being like, I've always loved it. A Lambo on tick because you want to show a watch. There you go. I love watches. We love watches. Sam's not showing it now. But we love watches. But when you buy a watch on tick. Exactly. Just to go, well, look, I've got a fucking rubber. You've got those dudes in Dubai who drive those Lambo Uruses.

14:25If you can't afford it, don't do it. I do agree with that. It's very much what interests you. I can't really think of what I wouldn't. Give me some examples of things that you wouldn't spend money that are just ridiculous. £21 smoothie. You spend money on like really fancy hand soap. I would never do that. Yeah, I completely agree. Every day. Soap is fucking soap. Do you remember when I got my ring stuck and I used your soap? You were like, do you know how expensive that soap is? Because I used the whole bottle. You spent a grand on face cream. I used Kiehl's and Nivea. Kiehl's is great. Yeah, but Nivea is about fucking four quid from Booth.

14:58I got fucking shafted, mate. I'd rather be on the Kiehl's. I'll tell you another thing. Fendi cushion. No, no, not for me. No, no, no, no, no, no. But that's more your area, not your old area. What do you mean? It's more sort of east. People in east don't have Fendi, mate. They're all going to fucking thrift stores and buying Chesterfield sofas. And don't get me right, there's another one. Vintage. Vintage stuff, get it. It's used. Things you like, I think, and everyone's different, so everyone's going to have a difference of opinion. Do you know what I do, Spendie? But it's the everyday crap that I just think.

15:29I spend a lot on food. I spend a lot on good food. Yeah, but I don't mind. I think if your lifestyle allows you to, then I think if you can, I think a lot of people do. Yeah, I'd warrant that. I would rather go and spend like a lot of money on a good restaurant and good food rather than like a night out. Yeah, that's just preference, right? I'll tell you, the most overpriced health fanatics that buy supplements of this, that and the other and fucking whatnot. but it's true but it's um certain branded fucking supplement that are three times the price do you know what i mean though like i just yeah that is so fucking losers i just think i just think fuck off we're in a really blessed position in terms of like we do all right so i think it's very difficult to answer questions like this but it's what would you even if you had the money what would you not spend money on?

16:30Dad's got a good one of this. So my dad, he's done alright in his life. He will only buy Reebok classics. There you go. Like he will not go and get another shoe. He will buy, batch buy Reebok classics like you wouldn't believe. He'll have boxes and boxes of Reebok classics. And he'll wear trackies with a shirt. Classic shirt. What a fucking big mark's a court. He'll wear Reebok classics, trackies, a white t-shirt that he'll get from John Lewis and a shirt but so on the top he's got a really nice shirt a nice john lewis white t-shirt track suit and reebok classics fucking and it's the way and then do you know what dad's got as a wallet he's made his own wallet what a fucking out of plastic yeah i remember and he's sellotaped it so he's cut you know those plastic files he has got a solid gold money clip that he keeps absolute wags him.

17:24He does have that, but he's, but how crazy is it that he's cut out of, you know, those things you carry your plane tickets and stuff and when you go to the airport, those kind of plastic wallet things. He's cut that out and then put it together in sellotape to put his money in and his cards in. That's the kind of guy who you should be asking that question to because he'll tell you, you know what, I'll ask him and I'll get him to do a little voice note for us and next episode I'll get him to do that. I bet he's got some absolute brilliant ones. I think there's a difference, yeah. Some people, it's kind of different things that kind of matter to you.

18:00So I think it's a difficult question to answer for, but mine would be things that you can afford. No matter the money, I just wouldn't, and it would be basic like socks. I wouldn't go and buy like fucking, do you know what I mean? Like Louis Vuitton socks because I could. No, it's a fucking sock. I also think you look like a bit of a dick. never been one for like a proper logo of those kind of things so it's like you've bought you've got out of your way to buy a Louis Vuitton sock you could have just you could have just gone on ASOS and bought it's a sock but yeah but I think but sometimes it's not out because if you if you've got that much money you're in fucking city like you're going to be in those sort of things people just buy that crap but but I would purposely go out of my way not to because I think you're in different if you have that much money you're in a different circle anyway where you're not but I I would go out of my way not to do that.

18:49And I would, because you wouldn't be on fucking A's or you wouldn't be if you were a fucking billionaire. But I would go out of my way not to go and spend because I'd go, I cannot justify spending 200 pounds on a pair of socks. I think that's fucking mental. Good question though. I like that. Question time. Question time. First question. Fuck never.

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20:13It's weight loss designed to work with your life. Ready to reach your goals? Visit forhers.com slash eligible to get personalized, affordable care that gets you. That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S dot com slash eligible. Forhers.com slash eligible. Weight loss by HERS is not available in all 50 states. Wegovi is the registered trademark of Novo Nordisk AS. To get started and learn more, including important and safety information. We go for clinical study information and restrictions. Visit ForHers.com.

20:48When are Christmas decorations allowed? Now. December. Now. December. And even that is a push. I'm sure back in the day, didn't they do it the week of Christmas? I'm not even joking. You were at the airport, fucking 2nd of November, and the airport's got Christmas decorations in. Winter Wonderland opens next week. Oh, inject it into my veins. It's just... Oh, yes. For me, I just think it's so much faff and it's so much... I've tried to get Peter Winter Wonderland for years. Just absolute fucking bullshit decorations. I never put them up. I've never put them up. You know I like a bit. I love a bit of Christmas.

21:31Are you bothering this year, though? I'm going to have a bit of a sad Christmas this year because I'm having a surgery in my throat again, so I can't speak. I don't know. Maybe. It depends if Tally wants them, I will. It's actually, I think, a bit of a sad statement of where we are in the world that we're always looking forward to something like that to bring us together. We're looking forward to it earlier now because we can't wait for that moment of family time. We can't wait for that moment of togetherness. I genuinely think that's what it is. No, we're looking forward to it now because it makes more money.

21:57That's why they bring it all out so early. So it forces us to look forward to it more because it all starts. But it's because you start the decorations now, Now you start all the crap, people start buying earlier. I think you're right in terms of stores. But in terms of like us, the people, I love it early because it means I get excited and the build up, even like the Christmas parties. And then you get that lovely like week between Christmas and New Year where no one's doing it. You don't even know what day it is. Bang them up now, I say. Get them up. I'm actually doing Christmas lights. I'm doing the Oxford Street Christmas lights turn on.

22:25What, you're opening the Oxford Street Christmas lights? Me and a Harry Potter cast member from the new HBO series, yeah. We're just banging it up. Yeah. I know. And that's like... That's like the biggest one. I know. Early November. CK, here we come. Yes. I'll do it in a pair of pants. Well, there you go. Sam is starting Christmas for you all on Monday. Oh, also Harry Potter. Which will be the first week of November. Yes, it will be. And it won't finish till the first week of January. So that's two months. A sixth of the year. And by the way, you're all welcome. Pete won't come, but you're all welcome to come, by the way.

23:03I'm working. but it's for me just two weeks I think Christmas is enough this is going to be a good one for you Pete I think afterwards you might come back and we go you know what I had a great week it's within my two week period of allowing Christmas which is what I'm saying now is a two week period I think is enough fair enough fair enough right next one one feature to be included in your dream home well what have you got in your house you've renovated it so a bidet or a self-cleaning Japanese lute. Oh, okay. They're so, mate, don't sleep on a bidet. Don't, well, no, not let you sleep on a bidet.

23:42I can't imagine it's that comfortable. The analogy is don't, like, I cannot tell you how good bidets are. Like, if you've had a Nando's, you've had a curry the night before, like, no, but I'm being serious. That's what they're there for. You can think. Nando's? Yeah. Well, if you had something spicy, whatever it may be, I promise you, a bidet. You don't even like spicy food. Trust me, it goes through me, right? A bidet is one of the best inventions ever. And I'm sad that they're going out of fashion because they are very, very good. I don't remember when they were in fashion. They were in fashion sort of like in the 80s, 90s.

24:19In this country, I don't know if they were. They were. I don't know anyone that's ever had a fucking bidet. Oh, they're so good. All right. You know, a bidet if you struggle with your arsehole. For me, fireplace. Oh, nice. I always just thought it'd be lovely to have a fireplace. Like, it would just be nice. A fireplace and a garage. A fireplace and a garage. Yeah, yeah. That's really sad. And a driveway. I thought we were going to be like infrared solder and stuff. No, no, not even like a driveway, but like a garage. I just think it's quite cool having a garage. You'd love being in your garage.

24:51You'd get like a woodwork shop. My old place had like a double garage. Checked all the tools in there. The bikes in there. You'd be polishing it. It's just my kind of place. where is Pete he's in the fucking garage he's trying to change the transformer on the bike at the moment and he's in there he's got a fucking he's got one of his spanners or something he's doing something in there and you don't quite know any of the material does I don't really know what I'm doing in there but I spend the hours in there you're doing something I'm playing dance I'm always doing something and do you know what he's got he's got a little mini fridge with a couple of tinnies in there and he's just like and he goes in there every now and then and do you know what he might have Chesterfield not sofa Chesterfield chair Just like an old one that's got **** burned it.

25:33But not even like a man cave. Just like a garage. Garage with a chair and a fridge. Just like a cold little garage. Almost a little bit mossy in there. Yeah, like it smells damp. Yeah, it smells damp. That's what I meant. Yeah, it smells damp. It smells damp in there. Just like a garage and then because I'm cold so I've been in the garage I come in and whack a log on a fire. Whack a log on a fire, yeah. What's for dinner? Yeah, it sounds great. Wellies on. Yeah, I do like a wellie. Yeah, Wellington boots on. But yeah, so something like that, I think. The only other, if you were going to go a little bit more interested in a carriage and a fireplace and a bidet, I really like classic cars, classic bikes, things like that.

26:14Have you ever seen some of these places on Instagram where you get these studio lighthouses and stuff and they've got like a fucking car as a centrepiece or like a motorbike as a centrepiece in the living room? I have seen that. And it's all kind of like sort of New York studio-y vibe type thing. And it's just these big open spaces. And there's like a fucking classic Singaporean in the middle. And you're just like, that's fucking cool as shit. Like to have that sort of fuck you money to be able to put something as amazing as that. Because it's a piece of art, like as far as I'm concerned, is fucking sick.

26:48I like that. That would be a dream. That's like a stupid dream. Yeah. What's yours? My stupid dream would probably be a sauna in the house. I know that's really boring. I love home people tell you I love home so I've kind of made my home exactly to the specifications that I already want really a big garden would be lovely grass grass in a garden would be great yeah if we're going to the outside space I'd love a forest grass would be like a wooded area yeah not a forest and a bird bath like a bit of wilding in the back bird bath and a little bit like a squirrel sanctuary a bird bath yeah you could put a bird bath in yours No, cats would have it, wouldn't they, I suppose, actually, yeah.

27:29But no, I mean like a countryside cottage. My dream, actually. Well, this is a dream home now. It's not a feature. Well, no, I mean. Do you know what a dream feature would be? A 16th century mansion in the country. Do you know what? I would love a little cottage in like Hampshire or like the Black Forest where there's like wild horses roaming around and something like that. A little cottage and like with a garden. Sorry, I'm almost certain the Black Forest is in Germany. Sorry, New Forest. New Forest. New Forest. with little horses roaming around. They're wild as well. I'm for you to say, hello, welcome to my cottage.

28:02But do you know what I mean? Schwarzenegger lives there. But then like also. Get in the chopper. A bird bath and a little like, just so you could go out there on the weekends. A cottage and a bird bath. Yeah, lovely. Cottage, bird bath and a bidet. Lovely. And he's happy. Things, behaviours you'd like to put on the bonfire. Things, Christmas. I'm not even joking you Christmas decorations if they're there and available I'd put them on the bonfire because it's the 5th of November so if they're available to me and they're around they're going on the bonfire because it's too early we haven't even got through bonfire night and we've only just finished Halloween Halloween decorations on the bonfire because they're all around us get them on the bonfire there you go burn it all so occasions that aren't necessarily relevant right now whack them on the bonfire nice I like that.

28:53I actually don't know what mum would be, to be honest with you. There aren't many things that I despise, or there aren't many things that I, like, well, I don't know. I genuinely, I can't, I couldn't tell you. I feel like, what would I bang on a bonfire? I genuinely don't know. Help me, Pete. Give me more. Pop socks. Maybe not what they are. Nothing aggravates me more than a pop sock. Like a really small kind. Like a little trainer sock. nothing when you have a little shoe on yeah alright and you're not doing sports like it's one of my pet and you see like a man who's got a loafer on and a pop sock oh and you can see the sock over the loafer or when your socks are too short for the trousers you're wearing ooh so do you know what I mean like if you're my boots come up quite high but if you're I don't know how to describe it but if you're if your trousers finish there when you're sat down and then you have like a a shoe on just like a normal shoe and your socks and you'll just have a little shock and it's not all the way up.

29:51No. Aggravates me. Pull your fucking socks up or get longer socks. So pop socks, wrong socks. Holes in your socks. Well, might be poor.

30:04Pattern socks. Novelty ties. Oh, I like a novelty tie. No. No, you're wrong there. Christmas jumpers. Do you know what I love about novelty ties? Any sort of fun. There's always a guy at a wedding who's like really excited to put his like pig tie on or something do you know what I mean like his pink pig tie he's got little piglets on his tie and it's like his thing and he's like you know what this is like my I'm so excited like everyone's like oh here he is like what kind of ties he got on it's like ah it's the guy with the weird tie like you can't take that away from him I can you shouldn't yeah that's his life no well fucking get a new one what about people who tie ties around their head at weddings do you need them are they going on not just the tie they are with the tie you need them they're on the bonfire no they're necessary no I am with people no they're necessary no no why is it funny why is that funny I'll tell you why they're a necessary why is it funny because this you're having your first dance Pippa right you are with Jack you're having your first dance and you go like this and it gets to that awkward stage right and you're like oh fuck and you do that and you're ushering people in you're like please come onto the dance floor because I'm fucking, I'm sketching now.

31:18The guy with the tie around his head. First dance is super early to have gone tie around his head. That's not the guy, Sam. Mate, he's knee sliding in. No, no, no, that's not the guy. No, but he's the guy who will eventually have the tie around his head. Yes, it's midnight. Everyone's drunk and had enough. And he's the guy that smashes into your Aunt Susan because he slid across his fucking knees. Then fucking St John's ambulance are called. The buffet table's gone down and there's cheese and pineapple all over the fucking shop. not the guy that first comes onto the dance floor he's just sort of the cool uncle that wants to make it a fun time he goes come on guys let's all get in and he's just doing a two step the guy with a fucking tie around his head he's the **** no one wants there but the guy with a tie around his head he's got the ability to then maybe yeah to cause problems at the wedding do you know what it is for me is he's thought fucking hell I know what's going to happen I'll tell you what I don't like the attention being on someone else so let's make it about me but do you know but there's something just so there's something so No, but that's their sense of humour.

32:17They're like, I know, let me do something funny here. Oh, fucking hell. Let me put this on my head. It's not a hat. And if it's on my head, that's funny. Do you know what else I do? But then they do the darts. They do those weird darts. They do the robot. That's okay. Do it without the tie on your head. Here's another one. Whilst I'm burning people, slow moving people in crowds. Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, 100%. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll just check. I don't care if you don't know where you're going. All right. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll just check where I'm going at the top of the elevator, at the top of the escalator.

32:48Yeah, yeah. Fuck off! Or you're going down it. That's a good one. Or just in a crowd and everyone's moving in one way. I'll just stop right here. Airports. Here's another one. Airports are tough like that. People that make jokes about dogs. As in, no, right. No, this is mad. Car, who's walking who? oh on a dog horse I bet he eats a lot you should get a saddle and ride him like all of them that you don't know yeah I hear you like them sort of people shush shush we're just having a lovely time I've got my headphones in yeah yeah do you know what I mean what's that I said who's looking who I literally had that yesterday I was wearing a Santa outfit people who make so So, so.

33:40Well, someone said, who's walking home? No, no. I was going to add on to that, the obvious jokers. You know, the obvious joke. Rick's jeans. Do you know there's a rip in your jeans? Oh, mate. Oh, fuck off. So, so I was dressed as Santa. I was doing this job. And, and a guy went, I walked past the guy and he goes, he's got a beer. And he goes, where's my gift? And I was like, oh, you fucking. I do. And you're just like, I just, there's no point. And you give him a laugh and a thumbs up. Where's Rudolph? And you're like, mate, I just, what are we doing here? Like you're an adult man. You can't find that funny.

34:14Was Rudolph with you though? Rudolph was not with me. Oh, okay. And he didn't have a present. Here's another example then. If you're in somewhere like that and then there's someone wearing a hat and they go and steal the hat. Oh. On a night out. See that looks at. I'm going to go get you that. Go on, watch this. Fuck off. Do you know what I always think? Because that's happened to me before. I've looked at the girlfriend before and been like, really? What you don't know is she's dead. Surely you're... Mate, this is the thing. I would look at that and be like, surely you're breaking up with him on the spot.

34:41You must be. If your boyfriend has gone up to someone and knit someone's hat, and be like, oh, mine now. Honestly, if you're a girl, and we've got three girls here, if your boyfriend does that, is it a stern talking to or an immediate breakup? I wouldn't break up in the nightclub standing there. I'd be like, I'd just think that's so lame. And probably be like, what am I doing here? And end it in the coming days. In the coming days. It'd be a coming day situation. because what Pete said I suppose like you know someone who's trying to impress but actually is just really getting it wrong and you're like why are you trying to be Jack the Lad and you just look like a dick to me though that's just like you're 18 you're on the rugby first team you're like that vibe did it happen to you all the time did someone nick your hat but they were kind of trying to flirt and glasses like sunglasses if you're like in like I remember at uni it would be like everyone would wear these things it's like you're kind of trying to flirt but you don't know whether they are trying to flirt but they're nicking your hat and I'm like what is that are we trying to I definitely did it at some point.

35:38What, you stole someone's hat? Yeah, probably. Well, the artists, you're the worst of them then. On the bonfire again. Thank you for listening to Stan Milliman, Pete Wicks and Sam Thompson. We're off to burn Pippa to death. If you want a feature in the podcast, then email the worst email address in the world, which is hello at srproductions.co.uk. Subscribe, follow, do all of that crap. We'll see you later, motherfuckers. We love you so much. Goodbye. This has been a Staying Relevant production.

36:33We'll be right back. Selection varies by location. See Associate on Lowes.com for details.

36:43Hello Relevanters! We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog Marry Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. and possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We were sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one, genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.