203: A Witch Predicted WHAT About Sam and Pete?

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0:32Welcome to Staying Relevant, the Halloween episode hosted by two best friends, ghoulishly best friends, me, Sam Thompson, and what Peter's just described as Vector's mother, Peter James, Jonathan Joseph Wicks.

0:53yeah it is Halloween I'm dressed up as a Voxel Vectra I don't know what I am but I've been shown a picture and I'm whatever it's supposed to be his mother I think because I have a bob some glasses and some sort of prison jumpsuit on I think I don't know if this was the intended look but here we are do you know what we were just talking about off camera it's so true is that like there's loads of other podcasts you dress up for Halloween and people were just saying that, you know, the girls' bathroom, like, they take four hours to do prosthetics and stuff like that. You've got a dick on your face and you haven't even bothered putting a wig on.

1:29I've got a penis on my face and Pete's in a shell suit. And that's as far as we'll go. The whole team are dressed as minions. Ready? Yeah. Yeah. Banana. Oh, I like that. You actually did the actual gabada. Banana. Banana. Is that what you're bananas? Oh, I need my headphones on. I've got two carried away. They're on. What the fuck was that? You can't hear through your... The hell happened there? That's like my dad. He forgot he had his glasses on. I can't hear through that. I can't hear. What is poking out the top of the hats you're on? My hair. That's hair. Minion hair. Interesting. Very muffled through hair.

2:18Well, here we are. So, yes, this is the Halloween episode. God, it's f***ing itchy this week. If you hadn't guessed, they'll be swearing. If you don't like it, go f*** yourself. This is the main episode. So... Those are killing me. So, yes, this is the Halloween special. I feel particularly spooky. You're like a cross-weed Austin Powers. I look like the bird out of Scooby-Doo. Yeah, you do! What's her name again? Velma. You look like Velma. Where are my glasses? Ready? I just always wanted to do this. Minions, tonight we're going to steal the moon. Yay. Oh, that was, that was. Have I got a catchphrase?

3:01Yeah, darling. No, he does. Yeah, darling. My catchphrase is yeah, darling. We could have made anything just said. People had to even have known. Yeah, yeah, darling. Oh, yeah, you go booyah. That's actually legit, by the way. So based on the tracksuit, based on the catchphrase, I'm Addy G's mother. Booyah-kasha. Booyah. Actually done quite well then. Is this... Yeah, he goes, oh yeah, and he goes, booyah. Oh yeah, booyah. And then Minyards? Hey! Well, this has gone swimmingly. Are you feeling spooky today? Just in general, feeling spooky? What kind of question? There isn't, I don't feel like this has given me spooky.

3:52Have you ever felt spooky before? This, this, I look a prat. The day itself, you know, like, ooh. It's a bit spooky. No. No, it's just another day, hello. Oh, what is it? Witch's hour.

4:12The, in America, they do it spooky, don't they? Yeah. Here we don't really do much other than sort of dress up like Prats, I think. Yeah, we do it bookey. That's what we do. That's what the young people are saying at the moment, bookey. Bookey? Yeah. What does it mean? I don't actually know. I'd be careful saying things if you don't know what they mean. I'd be really, really careful. But, yeah, you know, we dress up every year. We did the old hags before, didn't we? Oh, yeah, we did. We did Glinda and Elphaba. Yeah, we did the alphabet in Glenda. I can't understand. Is Halloween supposed to be scary or is it supposed to just be prattie?

4:53Because pumpkin picking is not scary, is it? Yeah, but then you carve it and what are you going to carve? Yeah, but people carve like sort of like happy faces in it and that. So I can't work out if you do a scary Halloween or just here's some sweets and pumpkins. Well, mate, we're going to get real spooky today. Don't you worry. What are we going for? Judging by the outfits is not the scary one, is it? well no we're going we're going for a little bit of fun really aren't we just sort of like well nothing can top the bit of fun when Josh scared me out of the curtain for 45 minutes god that was fun I did enjoy that and he'd only just started that was a real that was a real Josh how was that for you that whole experience well I think I blacked out behind the curtain for a while well you were in there for about 45 minutes then I broke the light then you weren't scared and it was all a bit of shit and also do you remember he literally just started I've got to say Halloween isn't staying relevant's finest hour and it hasn't been for a number of years I'm actually starting to believe because we do it so badly, maybe we should put some effort in next year.

5:48Done. Alright, cool. Deal. I'd love to. Because this is a shit show. Yeah, but then again, this is staying relevant. They're not even on camera and they're dressed as minions. I know. I know. Annalise is in the other room looking after the dog dressed as a minion. No one could even see her. But she was showing short solidarity. She wants to be involved. Yeah, I mean look, it is what it is. But mate, look, this is a Halloween episode okay and and you know we've we've carved up a couple of sort of like what would you do scenarios if you wouldn't mind you know as if we're in a horror movie right all right let's let's do it what as far as horror movie goes give me a good horror movie uh oh um i'm gonna halloween okay not not saying it give me a uh the shining is that a halloween film ish i guess yeah michael michael myers though yeah okay i get that like freddy krugery yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah.

6:42Freddie versus Jason. What's the one with the clown? It. It. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I've seen that. Okay, so I'm going to throw a few things at you, right? And you just tell me what you do in these situations. Yes. Okay. Pete Wicks and you're dressed like you are now, okay? Pete Wicks as someone's mother. Yeah. So, scenario one. You're home alone and here's someone walking around upstairs. Now, despite knowing you've locked the front door, they're somehow in. What do you do? I'd probably go, Liv, you in? what do I do? You go upstairs, don't you? Would you, so you're going up? Well, anytime anything happens, I don't, I mean, you know me, I'm not like a speaker person.

7:22Liv is a little bit on edge. I think it's probably the best word, way to describe it. I, if we hear a noise, I go and check it. Yeah. That's the first thing I do when I'm on my own or what, I go towards the noise. Okay, cool. So, because you want to know where it is. You're making a noise towards the noise or are you going, am I making a noise towards the noise? Are you trying to make a, well, maybe, are you giving him an alert? Are you being like, I am a person down here and I'm not afraid of you. No, because I would just suspect it's wind or something like that. What if it was thuds, upstairs thuds?

7:54It's also, it's 11pm and like no one, and you know Liv's not there and it's just you. I'd go to, yeah, you'd have to go and find out where you are. Are you going hello or are you just someone? No, I think I'd take him by surprise. Oh, right. Okay, fine. Creep. Because you don't want to give him the thing to be able to get out because if someone's in my house, I want to get them. Okay, and then what if you don't find anyone, but it's still, you can hear the noise, tip, tap, tip, tap. But there's no one there and I've checked the whole house. Then I imagine I've drunk too much. I think my first thought would be I've drunk too much or I'm finally losing it.

8:29But surely you would go towards the noise, no? I would leave the house. You'd go towards the noise, no? Well, I know what I do. Not even out of, oh, I'm double-ard, but out of curiosity of what the fuck's that? My instant reaction to that is not always danger. I just think, what the fuck is that? So mine, I've had this before, is, hello? Hello? I just try and sound really loud. What, someone shouting hello at you? Oh, you start shouting hello. I'm shouting hello. Just so they know that I know that they're there. And then you make your next move from that. All right. So let's say you're shouting hello.

9:03Yeah. And you can hear the fucking, how do you do it? Have they quickened their step since I've said hello? Oh Well It's Jaws I've got a golf club actually In the living room now It's amazing what you just pull these weapons out of Yeah I've got a golf club Where do you keep the golf club? It's behind the curtain in the living room Yeah and it's And it also It's a club that I never use It's an eight iron Right okay So you've got an eight iron there So you shouted hello Yeah The footsteps have got quicker Golf club then Straight for the golf club Creep up the stairs By the way I just want to let you know something right now Like, I'm not afraid to say it.

9:38I'm scared. Like, if I'm hearing noises upstairs. But if you heard that, let's say your missus is there as well. Mate, I've been in that situation. What, when someone's been upstairs and you've grabbed a golf club? Well, she thought someone had broken in through the thing. So I had to do that. But wouldn't you be just curious as to what it is anyway? No, absolutely not. Lock me in the fucking bedroom and see if they just leave out of their own accord. but if my missus is there you've got to so I've literally there's actually quite a funny tickle it's so true it's like I'm scared too but you don't know what it is well yeah but that's even more scary I mean I've known Josh what are you are you a go towards the noise yeah to see what it is yeah I think that's fine are you going towards the noise with a weapon um no I don't really carry weapons so let alright Here's another one for you because this quite often happens and I've had this before.

10:37You hear the noise, you're with the missus and this hasn't happened with Liv but you're with someone. You're naked in bed, you hear a noise. Are you getting dressed? No. So you're just going out naked? Yep. Still with Gold Club? Yep. Right. Yep. It's probably the best defence. That was actually, that was the going to the office thing. I was fully naked. and I went, I look an absolute idiot. But I, look, I was really nervous. I respect that. I was very scared though. Like, it's not a nice thing to do. All right. So let's take it further. There's someone there. Oh, fuck. Which is probably the thing I'd say.

11:18I would hope it's not. If there was, I'd be like, oh, for fuck's sake. I'd be like, excuse me, mate, you're in my, I really don't want to do this. I don't want a tango. Are you reasoning with them? No, I'm going, get the fuck out of my house. And then if they say no, I'm like, oh, shit. and then this is what actually happened I had a I had a I had a camera stand I was holding a camera stand you want to take a picture with him? no it's the only thing I had so I was walking around so if I've got a camera stand and there's some dude banner clavded up in my fucking office I am literally sitting there being like this couldn't be going worse and I suppose look you've just got to you've got to go and do it you've got to do what you can do but I would hate that But you'd give a warning first.

12:04Absolutely. Sir, I have seen you. You've been spotted. Politely call them sir, the man that's broken into your house. Sir, you've been spotted. You now have five seconds to leave the premises. And are you counting? Otherwise things are getting a shirty. Five. Four. Four. Three. Three. Two. One. Still there. Right, sir, I'm going to have to come towards you. Right, okay. But you're letting them know what you're doing every time. Yeah, well, good. Well, that will work better in court than mine. Yeah, exactly. I'm a swing first, and it turns out it's the cleaner. Yeah. All right, what about this then?

12:35You're driving home alone. Yeah. And you realise the same car has been following you for 20 minutes. What do you do? I get road rage. Am I... Am I... How does that manifest itself? It depends. Are they scary or are they just being wankers? Listen, you don't know. It's just someone has been driving behind you. You've noticed the same car 20 minutes. 20 minutes. And they're taking the same turns. I'm taking a weird... So they're keeping a bit of a distance so you can't see the face of it. Yeah. Do you know what I'm doing? I'm taking a weird turning. I'm taking a turning that you wouldn't normally take.

13:09And I'm going, if this fucker follows me through here, then it's on. He's followed me. All right. And it's on now. Is it actually on? It's on. Okay. Right. So it's okay. What car is he in? He's in a Vauxhall Vectra. He's in a Vauxhall Vectra. Right. Well, then, does it seem ominous? it's your choice mate we don't know this is what they don't in the field like you know imagine there's some music over the top

13:41I don't know what the hell that music is that did get me mate in all seriousness I'm probably am actually banging the brake on and seeing if he stops behind me and if he does then I'm like okay then I'll wait and see what he does again you're not gonna you're gonna try and lose him in a little sort of chase car chase no I don't bat myself you're not gonna speed up you're going to slow down and stop in the, in the middle of the road where they don't have a choice, but to stop as well. Yeah. Yeah. And then I'm like, so you're forcing them into being ominous. there, there we go. And then I'm like, now your move, fucker.

14:11And then like, yeah. And then they start going, mate, why have you stopped in the middle of the road? I'm trying to get home. I go, sorry, mate, thought you were ominous. Apologies. Yeah. Okay. That makes sense. All right. And then, you know, you're kind of fine. I feel like I've got one for you. what if you're driving down a country lane right it's fucking pitch black like there's no one else there and you wouldn't expect it to see anyone else there and there are four dudes who are like standing in the middle of the road who are trying to like go stop stop stop there's no broken down car or anything like that they're just there going stop they're trying to stop you but you don't know why and they have an ominous look this is a carjacking is that what you believe well yeah so So immediately lock the doors, put the window down that much, and go get the fuck out of the way.

15:00Yeah. Okay, I like that. So you're not, I thought you'd be a run them over kind of vibe. Well, no, because they might have broken down, mate. There's absolutely, there's no need for me to go down for murder. You love the idea. Just because a couple of people have broken down in their voxel vetra. There's absolutely no need. No, one of them standing there with an arm behind his back. Right. And you're like, what's behind there? You don't know. Lock the doors, the window's down. I will run you over unless you show me your hands. Show me your hands. What do you want? He then brings a gun out. Well, then it's, you know, pedal to the mill, mate.

15:36He's going to bounce off my fucking roof. Lovely. That's literally what it is. Do you know what I'd love? Imagine if it was like us trying to like surprise him. He's like us in our minion outfits. What the fuck do you want? Yeah, no. What, and then you pulled out one of your shotguns at your golf club. And I was wearing this nose. I like this wait we've got more you just listen you never know but my instant reaction I'm always a bit on edge anyway is that it could be bad so I need to we need to identify the threat at every opportunity but you have to go towards it and I always think the best form of fucking defence is offence isn't it getting there first before they get an opportunity okay well are you using offence for this one then you receive a whatsapp from your own number saying don't go home what are you doing then I received WhatsApp from my owner number.

16:27Your own number. So you're like, how is that? So it's come up on my phone, Pete. Yeah. Don't go home. Yeah. Well, first of all, I don't understand technology, so I probably think there's something wrong with the phone. It's like, don't go home. Or again, thought I was drunk. I've texted myself. Stay out for another drink. Don't go home. Or an unknown number. an unknown number going saying something about your house that no one else knows so like I don't know something that you have in your gaff I really like the Cornettos in your freezer but something like something like that bed that bed frame that you have is it has a very nice softness to it or something you're like what the fuck and it's from an unknown number you have no idea I'd probably text back saying well fill the mattress then because the frame made the soft bit but I I what do I do I'd assume I'd do you know what and this is a sad state of affairs I'd assume it's you lot so true yeah yeah I'd assume you fucking done saying and someone's fucking let you in the house and I'm gonna go home so I wouldn't go home yeah he would actually not get murdered you'd all just sit there for fucking three days I don't do you know what I'm not going I'm not staying in bed and I'm in the house again they'll get bored eventually they're overtired I'd assume it was all of you's.

17:53But what would I do? I'd go home. You have to go home. But in that scenario, because you think you're being ambushed of some sort. What would an ambush look like? Well, I don't know. It's an ambush. Yeah, but how, okay. In your mind, in your mind's eye, you go home. What does an ambush at your gaff look like? Well, they all had to have got up into the fucking sky Through concierge and security. So I'd assume it was someone I knew. Yeah. But if they've managed all of that, then I'm opening the front door, turning the key, just doing the jar, and then kicking at it. And I would have prepared myself with something.

18:38Nice. And where are they coming at you from? Well, it's quite a thin corridor. It's got a narrow corridor. I imagine they'd be out on the terrace because it's pitch black with the lights off out there so you wouldn't know. And obviously it's all glass, my building, isn't it? So it'd be a bit... So I don't know, but I imagine that's where they'd come at me from. I imagine that's sort of like one of them's in the loo. You know what I mean? What, and I've surprised them. I've caught them with their pants down. Yeah, yeah, one of them's taken a shit. Well, that'd piss me more than if they were nicking from me.

19:09If they'd come in just to have a shit in my toilet, I'd be fucking raging. I'll tell you what, what might be more interesting, because I think we get the idea of what we're both like. Pippa, knowing us and having known us for as long as you, what do you think our reactions would be to each of these? Each one. So, home alone, here's someone walking around upstairs despite knowing you've locked the front door. What does Sam do? I think you would stay. I know that you lock your bedroom door at night, so I think you'd stay on the side of the locked door. You lock your bedroom door? Actually not anymore because the cat's sleeping in bed now I used to You used to Why did you do that?

19:51I do that too My ex-girlfriend used to be very very afraid of robbers I do that, I lock my bedroom door Yeah It has a key on it so I just turn it Well we know how you lock the door Sorry As soon as I said that I was going to say, I mean how do you do that? Why would you not if it locks? I don't lock the front door What? Okay, that's bad. I have to. No, I genuinely don't. I've only just started doing it because there's a chain in the front door locking everything. Yeah, anything that locks is locked for me. Oh, but if I'm on my own, I never do it. I've never locked my front door. That's insane.

20:28That's crazy. But I'm there. Exactly. They can get in and get you. Imagine being got by somebody. I would rather it be locked when I'm there and leave it unlocked when I'm not. Oh, yeah. It does make sense. I think I'm slightly odd on that. But yeah, I've only just started locking doors. If I was going to be locking a door, it'd probably be the front door rather than the bedroom door. Yeah. Yeah, but I thought it was a bit odd that my ex wanted to lock the door, but she kind of ruled the roost. I was like, okay, fair enough. No, I actually don't think that's odd because if it locks, I'm locking it.

21:04But why? More locks. Cool, this is... But can you open your front door without a key? Yeah. No, no, sorry, no. No, you can't. That's my point. So I wouldn't, I would never double lock my... No, I do. Oh, you can just turn the handle on mine. That's insane. Pippa, seeing you go, that's insane with those goggles on is so weird. No, you've got a penis on your forehead. Yeah, it's really hurt my nose, though. My nose is really hurting. It's really cut into the bridge of my nose. Have you got a nose on? No, my nose is under the... Oh, your actual, sorry, right, got you. We like the fact you're still going.

21:39Okay. So Sam would lock himself in his bedroom. You'd stay behind your locked bedroom door and you'd be yelling. You'd call the police. You'd be yelling. You'd be like, I know you're there. The police are on their way. I've called them. Hey, hey, hey. I feel like that. You have five seconds. I actually feel like that's the intelligent response to do, to be fair. I agree. Make a lot of noise. Yeah. I think Pete would be like, come on, let's be having you. And he'd like grab. Where am I from? Let's be having you. So he beats him Hull and he's decided to... People try and scare them by turning northern.

22:13Yeah. Gravy and chips, let's go. Let's be having you. Down door. And then you'd be fucked because everything would be unlocked. They would have already done it all and done everything. And left. You'd probably sleep through it. You'd be robbed. And everything would be gone. Interesting. All right. The driving home, Sam. Sam driving home, I think you'd just get faster and faster. I agree with that one. I don't think you'd start. No, for sure. I think you'd go into a chase. You'd just get faster and faster. You'd try and lose them. You would also call everyone in your phone book whilst driving. He'd be on the phone trying to, someone's following me, someone's following me.

22:49But you'd speed up and you'd go. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. You'd call like everyone. You'd call Pete, you'd call me, you'd call Tally. You'd call everyone and you'd literally be like, someone's following me, I swear to God. I've got to go, I've got to go, I've got to go. And then you'd ring the next person. You'd probably call your agent. You'd switch on live location. Yeah. Again, the very sensible things to do, to be fair. You go on like TikTok live. But I definitely think you'd speed up. I don't think you'd slow down. Yeah, do you know what? I think you're probably right. And again, I think that's probably the more intelligent.

23:17But now we've discussed it. If I ever do get followed, I'm going to stop to see whether they're ominous. I don't think that's good advice. Is it not? Because what if they're not ominous? And then you'll just speed, you'll go 120. No. Trying to shake them. but stopping is like if they're trying to get to you and you stop you're inviting them by the way this has happened to me oh my god actually this has happened to me before cool your whole life sounds like a horror film so so I was on the way back from a oh god do you remember a PA which is called a public appearance back in the day and so it was like there was no one else on the road and this guy was like beeping me and flashing me and I was like what the fuck is this dude doing and so I like abruptly stopped because I was like this fucking dick and um And then I realised I'd actually abruptly stopped at the traffic light.

24:02So it turned red. And I was like, the guy got out of his car. And it was this massive jacked dude. Went, what the hell are you doing, mate? And I was like, I literally went, I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. I haven't got a clue. And he goes, your fucking four beams are on. I went, shit, and it's my fault. You know, you're sitting there, you go, really sorry, sir. And I hope you have a wonderful day. He goes, fucking hell, more people like you on the roads will all be dead. So I would say that's not you being followed and chased. No, I would say that's less ominous than you being a bad driver.

24:35Yeah. No, exactly. And someone called you out on it. But because it was so late, I was nervous. I was like, oh, God, this guy's trying to fuck me. This guy's trying to scare me. Yeah. All right. What would I do, Pippa? Depends. Are you on the bike? If you're on a bike, I think you're like revving and you're like... I'm revving. so I'm trying to impress them with my engine you don't want to come over here you don't want to come here you're just showing them what they're messing with the horsepower of this bad boy yeah yeah yeah they're like woo look how fast I can get this is custom yeah um okay alright um receive a WhatsApp for your own number saying don't go home I feel like Pete would like screenshot that text send it to a few people being like what does this mean what's my phone doing what's wrong with my phone so actually technology would have got me there You'd probably ask people and be like, I don't know how to do this.

25:29Like, I don't know how to turn this off. That's what you normally say. I've switched on some sort of stuff where I'm texting yourself. Yeah, you'd say like, something's come on. I don't understand. And Sam, I think you, again, would probably call a lot of people, send it to a lot of people and maybe ask your cleaner to go to yours. If I received... Sam would send someone in frontline. That's actually quite intelligent. Ryan, would you mind popping next door? Yeah. it'd be a phone call to the brother-in-law mate just bring your baseball back just in case yeah it'd be like can you just quickly check out mine I'm sorry I'm really busy I can't get home yeah well it sounds like based on all of those that if we were in a horror film you would survive longer than me I always do wonder about horror films and I'm convinced that every single person in horror films is a fucking idiot oh well yeah I mean do you ever watch it and go that just can't why would you do why would you do that actually a lot of it why do you go towards the noise?

26:26Yeah, but you have to. But what if it's Michael Myers with a blade? Because you don't necessarily know that. He can't die. But again, you don't know that. But then you see Michael Myers and you go, oh, shit.

26:43Grainger knows if you're a procurement manager at an industrial manufacturing facility, you're balancing inventory and budget while sourcing critical supplies across the operation. Too much inventory? Costs climb. Too little? Production slows. Grainger's$2 billion in on-hand inventory helps you get what you need when you need it, so you can help keep budgets balanced and lines moving. Call 1-800-GRAINGER, click grainger.com, or just stop by. Grainger, for the ones who get it done.

27:19The people in the films are the ones that don't lock their doors. and go towards noises. So Pete would star in one. They're in a horror film. No, but you just don't automatically assume you're in a horror film, do you? You just assume that the wind or something. I mean, the other night we had a fucking big bang, a big bang at home. Yeah, you did. And the dog had pulled something off the fucking side. So you just get up and do it. I didn't think, oh God, there's someone in the house. That is true. When you've got animals, actually, the immediate thing is fuck all the cats what's the cat done yeah I'm just not that nerve I don't think I'd be that nervous I'd probably end up dead I'll tell you what one thing that is terrifying is waking up to a cat with a furball because you're like what is that noise like that is it sounds like a ghost and you're like that's a horror film of a noise well something neither of us need is supernatural dating profiles but we're going to do a bit of a shag marry kill based on these based on reviewing these supernatural dating profiles.

28:22I love what you've done there. Would you date them or ghost them? First one, vampire. 312 years old. Great job. Owns three houses. Doesn't ever go to sleep. One of his prompts is live, laugh, love. Love him. Second, werewolf. Very loyal. Gets slightly aggressive once a month. All photos on his profile are only in black and white. His name is Pete. Ghost. Emotionally available and great communicator. Cannot leave the house in daylight. Doesn't like animals. it's a tough one for me. Marrying the werewolf, obviously. Who am I shagging? Can't really shag a ghost. I'm shagging the vampire, but it will sort of be, but I won't enjoy it because I'll be thinking live, laugh, love as I come.

29:12But I'm going to have to kill the ghost who doesn't like animals. They're emotionally available, which suggests to me that they're quite clingy and needy. Although I do like the fact that they cannot leave the house in daylight because I do my best work at night. Yeah, all quite commonsensical things there. I'd marry the vampire. 312 years old. Good job. Three houses. I'm a kept man. Nice. You know, like... Doesn't ever sleep though and you like a kip. Yeah, no, but that's fine. They can, you know, watch over me as long as you're not sucking my blood. And you're happy with live, laugh, love? Yeah, mate.

29:48I've got my doorstop says cats allowed humans tolerated. So, you know, I feel like mine's worse. It's a match made in heaven then. Also, 312 years old, I would ask to be blooded. Eh? I'd ask them to blood me as a vampire. I'd be like, look, if we're doing this, I've got to be a vampire too. Right. You know, so let me in on the action. All right, so are you going to shag or kill a werewolf? Don't think I can fuck a werewolf. I just all be shagged by a werewolf um you know I don't mind the black and white stuff it is what it is loyal nice but I'm I'm matching very loyal and slightly aggressive once a month to me that sounds like you're a bit clingy and you're over loyal and you're so loyal get aggressive like you know what are we out having dinner and you know someone says oh I like your top and they go you know don't know about that okay so we're killing the werewolf I think so and you're going to shag the ghost yeah look it's a hard shag because I don't know what you can do with it oh well that's lucky them um yeah it's it's you're basically shagging air but also never done that before so you know I don't believe that something new something new every I don't believe that at all I just don't know how you'd do it but emotionally available and a great communicator we'd have a nice chat um you'd have to get rid of the cats though uh doesn't like Cats and ghosts, really not a good mix.

31:20Oh, it's a hard one. You can't kill a ghost. Ghosts are already dead. Well, no, you just don't have to date them. Yeah, I'd still... So you're going to go with shagging the ghosts? I'd shag the ghosts. All right. You know, they'd just be chucked out sort of before they just don't really like the cats. Right. Well, do you want to move on to something neither of us know about? Etsy witch readings. we applied for tarot readings from an Etsy witch and the results are back so this is obviously from the team at staying relevant so just before we start because for those that don't understand people pay an Etsy witch for like good weather on their wedding day and does that work out for them yes witches for good weddings so you would pay an Etsy witch loads of my friends have done it no they have shits yes for sure we're not joking now neither I know a lot of your friends there is no way Fionn's is going and paying an Etsy wish.

32:17Who's Fionn's? There's no chance. Tell me she did that. No, I don't think she did, but loads do. All right, do we believe in this? You think they're saying it? All right, before we start then, so this is going to be tarot readings or tarot cards for each of you and her reading in a letter. Do you have to tell us something about us first? Yeah, so we spoke to her. For how long? A while. Quite a while. Okay, so what do you do? So how does it work? You have to describe each of us? Yes, so she would ask some questions about you guys and I would write what information we were keen to find out. And there's no other way of her finding anything out about us.

32:52You know, she doesn't use Google. Well, we are specifically... Where you can find out almost everything that we do in our lives. Well, not about your future, you can't. Okay, so this is about... So Tara Reena's about the future, what we've got to come. Without reading this, I already know exactly what it's going to say. No, I asked her a few questions about each of you, so I did it individually. and I was like, can you tell me about these four categories in Sam's life for looking ahead to the future? Okay, right. Well, I'm going to read mine. Well, I think I should read yours. Okay, Pete's going to read mine.

33:19I'll read Pete's. All right, here we go. So, you ready for this? This is going to be... If you don't like it, it's The Witch and it's not me, so... I... That means I'm going to hate it. I really like this. Before we start then, Sam, so turn it over so you can't read and I'll do the same when we get to mine. Yeah. Do you believe in tarot readings, things like this? Yes, actually I do. Okay, so you think there's something in it. Okay. And I genuinely haven't read this either. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sam's reading. When I first step into Sam's energy, I get the feeling of someone who is far more deliberate than he initially appears.

33:59There is a cool, independent quality around him, a tendency to do things his own way. What comes through most strongly is that the next chapter around him is about refinement, visibility, and deciding which parts of his personality he wants the world to remember. The star. Hair, appearance, and becoming a digital. Here we go. Here we go. And becoming a digital sensation. Are those the questions you have? I gave a few prompts along the way. A digital sensation. Well, these, I imagine these, so that, right. So the first bit is what she's come up with. Yeah. And the next bits are answers specifically to your headings.

34:43So I gave her a few categories and she's pulled cards that relate to your categories. Okay, fine. You gave hair and digital sensation. Hair appearance and becoming a digital, all things you've spoken about and something that heavily influences your life. Thank you. His hair journey does not feel finished at all. I get the sense that he experiments, adjusts, perhaps goes through phases of thinking something is finally right and then wanting to improve it again. He eventually lands on something that makes him look more mature without ageing him. So that's your future. You will eventually land on something that will make you look more mature without ageing you.

35:22You're welcome. Oh, thanks, Pippa. The chariot. Now, this is on your... What's the chariot? It's a card. I'll read it to you. Sorry, okay. The chariot. This is on your ambition to crack America and beat Pippa in the half marathon. Again, two things that have really influenced your life. The American energy around him is strong. I do feel there is a genuine opening for him there. Cracking the US does not feel impossible at all, but it requires persistence. around the half marathon and pippa i do see a close and spirited dynamic if he trains sensibly and controls the urge to prove something in the first half i slightly favor him in edging ahead of her or at least surprising her with how competitive he is okay interesting you've obviously told her what happened i know it is the witch no you literally went he gassed in the first I can't control the cards.

36:22I mean, this is mad. Or she's a witch on the internet, has the internet, and has listened to a podcast. No. None of this is things you haven't spoken about. Okay. The next one is the Four of Wands, which is about your girlfriend and the house. Okay, go on. The relationship feels stable. I sense genuine companionship between them. I do see more changes to the house. It feels aesthetic and quality of life driven. Improving a room, changing furniture, lighting, garden or outdoor space or creating a more polished area. I can't do it again. I keep getting the impression that one change leads to another because Sam sees the finished result and immediately notices the next thing that could be improved.

37:16All of which is very true. All of which we've said on this pod. No, no. No, she's a witch. Next up is the three of cups. How many are there? His best friend. The person I would identify as his strongest best friend energy is the one who knows the unpolished Sam rather than the public version. He is someone Sam can be ridiculous around without needing to create himself and that is precisely why the Bond lasts. Doesn't say who that is. The unexpected prediction. So this is something, this is no prompts, this is just her. There is a strange feeling of something relatively spontaneous becoming disproportionately visible.

37:59The thing that people latch onto may not be the thing he had carefully planned. The most unexpected impression is of him being offered something he initially considers slightly strange or outside his expected lane. My instinct would be not to reject it too quickly. Oh. What, what, that war. Oh. Oh. Is that the one? That's the unexpected prediction. Peter's energy feels completely different from Sam's. Where Sam came through as outward moving and visibly expansive, Peter feels more deliberate, self-controlled and quietly ambitious. He can be harder on himself than other people realise, particularly around progress, appearance, money, and whether his life is moving in the direction that it should.

38:49He's entering a chapter where... You definitely asked him to say this. I haven't. He's entering a chapter where well-being, relationships, money, confidence, and the more playful parts of his personality begin fitting together. She's good. How's your wellness journey, Pete? How's it looking? Well, the next card. Oh, oh, oh. Temperance. His wellness journey. Peter seems to be moving into a period where he becomes much more aware of how his habits affect the way he feels day to day. He may have a tendency to approach self-improvement with an all-in mentality and then discover that consistency serves him better than intensity.

39:36The lovers. i.e. his new relationship. However would she know about that? This she is unbelievable, this bird. Just plucked it straight off the top of the tongue. I do feel there is real potential here. There is mutual attraction. But I also feel Peter is enjoying the emotional compatibility and ease of the relationships, perhaps more than he expected. I also feel the partner brings out a softer side of Peter that not everyone gets to see. He can be controlled and slightly guarded in public, but within a relationship where he feels chosen, he becomes warmer and more playful. I am a playful little minx.

40:18It's almost like she's with us in the room. The King of Pentacles. Money and success in 2027. Financially, Peter's energy strengthens. I see greater stability and stronger earning power. There is a professional step upward around him. This may come through a greater responsibility, a better role, or a stronger negotiating position. And you do love to negotiate. You love a negotiation. She's got you bang on there.

40:53Page of wands. Can Pete dance? She's about two years too late. We've all seen her, can't. So, will he be a good dancer? I think he becomes better than he expects, but not because he suddenly turns into a technically perfect dancer. No, because he had a pro teaching him for fucking three months. He may never be the person counting every beat perfectly, is what she said. Definitely never listens to this part. Yeah, that was a bit of a cop-out from her as well. She didn't really give much away there. His best friend. Peter's best friend energy feels long-standing and deeply familiar. I sense a friend who sees through his polished exterior and understands when Peter's pretending something does not bother him.

41:40His best friend appears to see Peter as dependable, funny, in a dry or unexpected way. And someone who can be counted on when things actually matter. What the hell? That's what you said before. To be fair, right, look, I'm just saying. Yeah. I'm just saying. This bird's listened to the podcast. When did she do this just on the phone to you? Or did she go away and come back? It was written communication. Oh, so she had time to just go and just do it. No, for reading. No, well, no, no. When I say Google, I don't just mean sort of like the internet. I mean, she went and spoke to the old spirit Google.

42:18Not even a girl. It's probably a man. Yeah, the old... Why? Did you see her face? Well, then he'd be an Etsy wizard. Yeah. You still haven't done the unexpected predictions. Probably like a 14-year-old in their bedroom being like, this is great, cleaning up. Well, I'm pleased that the minions didn't get scammed. Yeah, yeah. How much money did you spend from our bank account on that? It was only a little bit each. A little bit each. Okay, Pete, we're not actually done. There is the unexpected prediction. Death. I see Peter becoming more comfortable being watched, photographed, or placed in a situation where attention lands on him.

42:572027 seems determined to teach him that some of his most memorable moments happen when he loosens his control. Can I give you my prediction about what that unexpected prediction was? Not really. I think that's what Pippa would like. I have nothing to do with the unexpected. That sounds to me like Pippa wants us to just do certain things. So she's literally, I bet you've written this yourself. Yeah, she's the witch. That's all we've got time for. Paid myself out of the company account. On this episode of Staying Relevant, the spookiest and bookiest of episodes that we've ever, gosh darn done. If you want to see...

43:38I just want to apologise for ruining your Halloween. All of you. Here's to next year. We've really tried. Is it because she said you might not get every beat perfectly? Well, two years ago, that had been quite relevant. I don't know at what point anyone thinks I'll be dancing ever again. Because I asked her what she thought you might... In my future? I asked how your dancing journey is going to like evolve. It ended two years ago. Well, but it is nice though that 2027 seems like going to teach you some of your moments happen when you lose control. Fingers crossed. Let your inhibitions go, Peter.

44:13Yeah, absolutely. Loosen up limber. Well, yes. Look at him now. Do you know what I can't wait for? Imagine if like next year, like pizza's in a really good mood. Just like, just loses control. I am loose and limber. Just starts really fucking... God, I'm having a great time. Lost your nose. Oh. Loose and limber. Well, beautiful. Love that. He's giving himself a mullet. It's because it's really fucking itching. Lovely. Oh, God. I'm going to have to take a photo, actually. Sorry to interrupt. Thank you for listening to Staying Relevant. If you want to feature in the podcast, then email the worst email address in the world, which is hello at srproductions.co.uk.

44:56Make sure you subscribe, follow, do all of that stuff. You know the score by now. Subscribe to the YouTube as well because there is some fun shit happening over the end of this year. Isn't there, Josh? Oh, mate. It's going to be wild. This has been a Staying Relevant production. Thank you.

45:44moving. Call 1-800-GRANGER, click granger.com or just stop by. Granger, for the ones who get it done.

45:55Hello Relevanters! We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog, Marry, Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to Snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We were sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.