Emergency Podcast: Theatre and Needle

26:54So anyway, when I'm walking off and I've taken seven wickets and the captain goes to me, like, you lead the team off, but I know it's the captain's 100th test match and I'm humble enough to say, not me. I won't leave the field first. Honestly, you go first. and I let them walk off the pitch first. That's all I ask for. Lovely. Lovely. It's lovely. Also, similarly, performative condolences at the end of a game. Lovely. Amazing today. Real, real, absolute **** emotion. They're all trying to replicate Freddie with Brett Lee. and there was a moment where Siraj was on his haunches and I saw Ben Stokes spot him and go I can do a Freddie here and as he walked over Siraj got up oh that would have been the go back down mate can you just stay there for the photo because like yeah hold it and back down you dropped something mate you dropped something just a little A light kick in the stomach.

28:09Yeah. All right. Hug. Cheers. I've got a really low level one for you.

28:18Felix White:But something that I have experienced recently when I was captain that I've always wanted to do. In between innings, when you're walking off the field, having just bowled a team out and let the umpires know what role you want. Have the heavy one, mate, please. Yeah. That is, don't. I would do anything for that. Just, yeah. It's such a stupid thing, but it's great. It's not stupid. This is why we were all obsessed with playing the game and wanting to, and also just being not out at tea or lunch and just being so, oh, I'm just going to have lunch now and then just go out and bat again. I've just had just, sorry, I've just thought of a tennis thing.

28:56Can I quickly run this to Jimmy quickly? Because it just annoyed me watching the tennis. Why do all tennis players at every point looking up at their box of coaches as if they're like sort of neglectful parents, like looking for them to be like, it was good. Mom and dad, isn't it, at the nativity play? Yeah, why is that? Did you notice that, Jim? Yeah, I've noticed that.

29:18Felix White:It's been going on for quite a number of years. Yeah. I don't really know that. Obviously, some of it will be they want positive reinforcement that they're doing well or doing the right thing or got changed something. and some of it I don't know it's lonely isn't it tennis I find tennis very low it's lonely it is lonely yeah just thinking maybe bowlers should do that tailenders at bbc.co.uk give us a list of things that you wish you could experience in international cricket I think we'll get to amazing ones I have a quick question I've got just on Stokes' run out you know when he spun round and hit the wickets I know you're just really good at throwing but do you practice that during the season like just throw in your ball at wickets in different directions yes do you practice that run outs yeah is that a thing I've never practiced cricket so I don't know do you just throw the ball at stumps yeah it's yeah yeah basically you know in the same way you practice catching they don't just stand in the slips and all of a sudden the ball's in their hands oh yeah that works I've never seen a team just there just throwing balls at stumps over and over again.

30:35Felix White:You see it before most games. Not all the time in test cricket potentially, but it definitely does go on either before the game, like the days leading up to the game, definitely around one day cricket. It's a big thing. Have you ever been at a fate and you know when you've got the cans and you're allowed to throw the ball at the cans? Are you really good at that? No, I can't say I've ever really tried. That's how they train. they all go to a crockery smash Machen your questions are one do they practice cricket and two can you win me a teddy I've never seen them directly throwing the balls directly at the wickets over and over again whenever you watch practice well clearly never I've never been to practice can someone invite Machen to practice let's get you to one you know everything you see them do they've practiced that I just thought that might be a bit of just throwing the ball so many times around to each other.

31:34Do you practice your quizzes, Matchin? I think we know the answers to this. Rarely. Considering that the one on stage in Sheffield, he got to the end of it and went, what was this called again?

31:49No, he was getting everyone to say convention at the end of it. And then he was forgetting to say convention. A couple more things to add. I wonder how you all feel about this. I think we need to stop referring to day three or day four as moving day. I think that might need to stop soon. Yeah, so I didn't even notice this before you said this. It just seems to be a thing that all the commentators say. They go, oh, it's moving day, isn't it? It's moving day. Because day three is supposed to be moving day, but actually it was day four this week. So when's moving day? Well, it's moving, isn't it?

32:21We need a better word for needle, and everyone needs to stop saying needle. Needle? Oh yeah, I think I've said needle quite a lot this week, yeah. I think we're done now. It was good for a bit and I think we need to find some new ones. I don't know what they might be, but Telennas can suggest some new ones. We need to expand our vocabulary. Maybe it's just s*** talking. Maybe it's sledging. Maybe it's just the players hate each other. We can just refer to it as that. Let's stop being euphemistic about it. Saying needle. I've got some more things on this. Go on, go on. No, go on. No. I think someone needs to be told at women's cricket or T20, short of one cricket in general but we need to move away from the klaxons atlantis to interzone now between the overs because that's just getting ridiculous like every six still list that that came out 18 years ago and we need to have a little rethink there like i don't even just drop it occasionally but not every other over at every single women's international and t20 vitality blast game what is it the claxons is like this to interzone what's that

33:42and then it's always the slow fade out what is me what is its obsession with between overs that that has to be dropped. Is there some sort of contractual? Also another contractual question. Does Mark Butcher need to be referred to every single time he's talked to on comms as Mark Butcher? No one ever shortens his name or calls it Mark. Or Butch. Or Butch. Mark Butcher. It's not.

34:20I like that this has turned into cricketing gripes. It's really what this podcast was made for, really. Have you got other ones? Well, there is one, which has been a manufactured annoyance this week, which is if the test match is amazing and giving us unbelievable entertainment every day, theater, some might say, let's not worry about overrates. okay interesting question interesting if it's if it and we're and we're getting 50 overs in the day and it's rubbish then i think we can ask some questions but i'd like i'd love to meet the person that's thinking oh i actually would i'd like to have a refund after today that was a waste of money each day had some unbelievable cricketing that we were lucky to be there and i know it's expensive and this comes from a place where i'm just to be clear i'm paying for my tickets as well so it's not like I'm getting freebies here.

35:17You walk out the gates every day and you go that was absolutely amazing and it doesn't really matter that it wasn't. The full 90 overs! I think it was incredible. Well you never watch Test Cricket thinking you're just there for the experience aren't you? It's not like every ball is that's not your currency really. So I do agree with that. And it all added up to the drama at the end because you wouldn't have got the heat on night three and then you wouldn't have got people going like it was like the massage the day before of sugar and guilt and you wouldn't have got all that so it's that the story is the story and it's sort of imperfect and horrible and joyful and tragic and everything good and this is how much the story changes is in my notes that i've been putting together this week one of my questions and i meant this sincerely at the time was do we actually want turgid cricket i've written but i actually think we do because it unfolded it was tense it was slow and that's what amounted to just now yeah but that's chapters of a story isn't it you have to have chapters where the story is being set up and characters are being introduced for it all to make sense which is why sometimes we get frustrated when you just get a game which is just hitting out the ground because there's no here comes the phrase there's no ebb

36:33Felix White:and there's no flow and there's no needle i think um the problem the problem with the first two days yeah the biggest problem that the slow sort of like 250 for four on day one that then means that commentators have to talk about something that's you know if the cricket's slow let's talk about the alvarade yeah i know it's like you just create yeah and like but cricket does try and eat itself all the time when actually you could just talk about how it made you feel that day yeah because yeah because it made it made the people in the crowd feel like they were watching something really skillful because yeah meaningful exactly and no one sorry yeah that's exactly true and no one at home to your point jimmy is sitting there worrying about the overrate unless they're being told about the overrate every four seconds exactly it's made a big deal out of But look, there's so much to be happy about, but it's nice that we get a platform to moan about people moaning.

37:45Yeah, exactly. We're moaning about the overrun now. Where would we be without moaning? What a great, great series this is with some incredible characters, so much drama, so many mini stories within the big story And I wanted to bring you a little bit of the Joffre Archer post-match with Agas. Because there was a bet that Agas had with Ben Stokes. I think it was in Hobart, maybe, 2021, where he said, I'll bet you my hat that Joffre Archer never plays Test cricket again. And then Joffre and Agas met today, I guess for the first time in years, for an interview. And this is what went down.

38:36Geoffrey, it's a very nice hat you're wearing where's that come from? I got it from Ben, I don't know who he got it from though it suits you? yeah, I think so too and I think you're pleased to be wearing it yeah, it's not just a hat though, it's what it means and to be honest I probably won't wear it again today but I'll definitely travel with it good, like a lucky hat well done, how do you feel to be back again, as we said before the game it's been a long road for you Yeah, probably both a few more overs in this game than I thought I would have in the first one. But, you know, I think every over meant more to the guys than it did to me.

39:11I'm just glad to obviously get the win today on this special day as well. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you must have thought over these, well, have it four years about coming back and perhaps not getting back. And so to be part of a game like this must really mean a lot. I never thought about not coming back. That was just you. that was a friendly bet we'll get that right that was a friendly bet with Ben okay fair enough panicking well there were lots of people who didn't think you would come back to be honest those injuries that you had really I only had two injuries so you know obviously if something reoccurs it's not really a new injury it's just the same one just not sorted so just to clear that up but also you know it was a long road back I didn't realise how long it was to be honest when you're doing rehab, when you're training, you're doing stuff, you know, the team tends to play.

40:03But I'm just glad to be back and hopefully I'm here a bit longer than the last time. Yeah, and how important is it to get through the game and to move on now, the sights further down the line? I think this is it, you know. I'm back playing all three formats, you know. The task now is to just stay fit and stay on the park. OK. How was it... Ah! Wow. wow needle theater needle needle and theater it's what the game wow i mean that's you know if someone bowls 90 miles an hour plus yeah he's met he mentioned on the sky sports uh post-patch interview as well about all the keyboard warriors that he's been getting thousands of keyboard warriors abusing him for years so yeah it was quite gnarly wasn't it it was quite it was a sort of real sort of like comeback story interviews.

40:55Yeah. I actually haven't heard Lords like that since Joffre Archer was last bowling in the Ashes, actually, when he took the wicket of Jaisval. Just the whole place erupted. I bet. Did it feel quick as well, Greg? Because I remember the last time we watched him bowling. It did. Yeah. It really did. Yeah. Yeah. Felt quick, looked quick. They looked uncomfortable as well, which is... because it's not just fast bowling of course it's theatre and we shouldn't forget that um i'll tell you what else i'll tell you what else was theatre and sharky would have found this theatre congratulations to sophie eccleston who um picked up a hundredth t20 cap i believe but she was presented this cap by none other than everton legend phil jagielka so Sharky from Sharky Am I faded up?

41:50Yes and he's wearing blue Yes he's wearing blue Legend of the game and will forever be remembered for scoring the absolute screamer in the derby at Anfield Jags Legend There we go Jags Also big up Sophie Big up Sophie up the toffees and congratulations Sharknado why are you there? Am I still faded up? Yeah you are he's just texted me saying it's breaking news We cross live now to Sharknade of the movie. Sharky is at Goodison Park. What's happening, Mark? Show of a share of update. He's sustained a fracture to his left finger and has been ruled out of the remainder of the series. England will name their squad for the fourth test at Emirates Old Trafford in the next couple of days.

42:31He is scheduled to have surgery later this week. What way to go. Well, get well soon. Can I also say congratulations to Danny White-Hodge, who's now played 300 times for England. that's mad mad I'm exhausted just thinking about it congratulations yeah think about all the times you'd have to run off to bat the next day Jimmy who are you who are you picking instead of bash for the next test

42:57Felix White:I don't really know who's in the the frame at the minute but I'd love to see Jack Leach that's what I was going to say oh come on back in you know he's someone who didn't whenever he's played he's never done anything wrong like ball well at times he's playing for Somerset at the minute so I don't know I just don't know where Liam Dawson will be in the mix won't he Liam Dawson will be in the mix surely he's been bowling well four day cricket offers something with the bat Rhian Ahmed Del Fancy but I agree I'd love it that would be a good story Jack coming back wouldn't it could you put Bethel in oh Bethel that's a good shot drop a Bethel bomb what do you reckon so Bethel could bat eight or something and ball spin I'll spin little Bethel bomb I don't know if he's a realistic is he a realistic front line spinner?

43:42I don't know. Not at the moment, I don't think. Some would argue that Bash is also quite inexperienced and not necessarily proven. Just saying. Just saying. I don't like him. I do like him. Just saying. Can we pick your brains, Jimmy, as a fast bowler? As actually the greatest ever fast bowler. What you made of the Ben Stokes effort this week and And also some words about Joffre coming back. And obviously you've been close to him for years and you know him quite well. What did you make of both their performances, match winning from both of them really?

44:22Felix White:I heard Nasser Hussain talking a bit about Ben Stokes and obviously he's had his injury problems as well. And I think he'd love to be able to manage his overs, but I just think he's got to do what he does. and like today we saw he bowled I think he bowled a 9 over spell and then a 10 over spell yeah but he's bowling as well as I've ever seen him his control, his speed everything looks really really good looks in good rhythm and I think when he gets on a roll it's so hard to get the ball out of his hand there were times I think when he gestured to the other bowlers to get ready but he's going oh just have one more just one more and it ends up being three or four more but I think he's just like in important games like this that's what he does like he is a beast and England need him to perform that way and I think they'll need those spells as well there'll be games when he can sort of lighten his workload a little bit and not put too much pressure on himself with the ball he might have quieter games to then allow him in really important games like today or important finishes to then be able to bowl those long spells because I think in the Ashes as well I can see him needing to do the same at certain points throughout that and then Joffrey yeah I think you could hear on that interview there with Agus that it was a I think it's never nice being written off and I think a lot of people did think that he wasn't going to play Test cricket again with not just his injuries but with you know playing the IPL and his importance to the England white ball team I think it's great to see him back credit to him like He obviously wants to play.

46:06Felix White:He's got a passion for Test cricket. It would have been very easy for him to just go, I'm just going to focus on white ball cricket and make sure his workload's not too bad and manage his injuries, manage his body. But he's not done that. He's worked seriously hard and got his rewards this week. I thought he bowled brilliantly. To just breeze into that. He could have been nervous on the first morning, but he didn't look it. Just started well. got a wicket with his third ball thought he just bowled brilliantly throughout the game and his pace was good all the way through as well so I just think it's really exciting to add him into the you know there might be a case of not playing every game now for he might not play the next seven test matches in a row but to have him to throw in for important games I think is a huge boost to the England squad If you look at the line-ups of these two teams we're so lucky that there are a lot of I can't miss these players playing players.

47:08Very true. I could have put that better, but you've got Bumrah and Siraj and Pant and you've got Root, you've got Brook, you've got Stokes, you've got Archer. You've got so many players that you have to sit down and watch. You cannot rest until you know that they're doing well. And that is so exciting. I find that line-up genuinely exciting. And the moment the ground went silent for Joffre Archer's sort of return, and then it just erupted as soon as he started running in. Everyone was just locked into the whole thing. And also, that fourth, no, second morning, where Joe Root was on 99 Not Out, I've never heard the place more quiet.

47:55Really? Everyone went, oh, thank you for that, because everyone had to be in the ground. that everyone was in and sat down for 11 o 'clock. And that's what's going to keep this amazing game going for generations to come, hopefully when we're all long dead. Just to be clear, I don't want us to be dead. I want cricket to go on for ages. A lot of chat in the ground, out of the ground about this being very similar in its trajectory and storylines and animosity to the great 2005 Ashes. I think Jimmy might disagree, as he said that he fell asleep earlier, but there are nice similarities and there are nice threads beginning to happen and we're getting those really amazing narrative twists and turns which we like.

48:42And it's a five-match series and it's very, very close. And both teams scored the same number of runs in their first innings. Brilliant. And it just feels like the momentum into that Old Trafford test and then maybe a decider at the Oval could happen. so what are you getting similar pangs Felix because I know yeah our friendship really is based on memories of 2005 actually yeah yeah do you know what it's the only difference I would say yes definitely I think I've had a few moments this week actually where I've felt like oh I remember this feeling that test cricket gives you when you're almost giddy like you're almost giddy with it and it's just you just can't pull yourself away from it there's a couple of moments this week where I when Stokes bowled Akash deep and the end of the fourth uh evening with the last ball of the day I was on my own and I screamed like yes and that's that's when you know it's got you like you're really just like you're so locked into it so it does have a similar thing the difference I would say a little bit is that this might just be my perception but I've actually felt that in most days of this series it's felt like England are behind and somehow we're 2-1 up like I feel like India have been slightly ahead of the games almost all the time I might have got that slightly wrong but 2005 felt like it was really back and forth but I think this is dragging something else out of this England team which is that just like sheer stubborn resilience and desire to win but anyway I would like for it to be 2-1 going to that last test because that would be set up for a real classic wouldn't we it's great that

50:24Felix White:it's taken this long to get you know to regurgitate those memories from 2005 and you've not had that in the last 20 years which is pretty much my whole career no Jimmy we've had it Jimmy you know how obsessed we've been with you playing Test Cricket and the series you've been involved with I think it's only come to the surface again because it's 20 years ago that's all it is. It's 20 years since 2005 and it was just, I think it's more hopeful than anything else that it just turns into a national talking point which let's be honest, it probably might. And let's put it into perspective Jim, you achieved so much in that 20 years that you are now a knight of the realm of England and the trophy that England and India play for is named after you.

51:17So, yeah.

51:19Felix White:You see what I've done now? I've done the old Stuart Broad oh yeah sorry oh yeah we didn't talk about Jimmy enough there sorry let's go back and yeah the other thing about Test Cricket is it's theatre as well and we must not forget that big question though whoever wins this series we decide who wins the moral Tendulka Anderson trophy interesting thank you very much and that's the real quiz who's winning that and that is the real quiz who's winning the moral one let us know tellenders at bbc.co.uk Okay, let's move on to some go wells. Actually, before we go on to the go wells, Jimmy, sorry, Sir Jimmy, Knight of the Realm, Sir Swingalot Anderson.

52:03Yeah. Can we call you Sir Swingalot? Sure. I'm going to try and get the king to, we'll try and get that catching on before we get, I think we could just keep that going. and it might turn into a... Anyway. So Swingalot had a mad thought before the podcast recorded and I said, save this, we'll do the test chat. Please, can you tell everyone what a maniac you are?

52:32Felix White:Well, it was when Felix was tuning his 12-string guitar, which was taking an absolute A. It took five days. Yeah, the overrate on that was awful. I thought I showed good discipline and not having a meltdown And then I thought... And out the corner of my eye, I saw my bat that I got my highest test score with. It's great. An 81 bat. Yeah, 81. Against India. Which actually, around the handle, I had a look as well. It says JR27. It's one of Joe Root's bats that he kindly gave me. JR Tolkien. Lord of the Rings. It's got the... I wrote the score around the top of the handle as well. 18-100. Love it.

53:16Felix White:That is lovely. Can you show it to the camera? Let's have a look at it. Yeah. Yeah. He's showing. Oh, that's awesome. Oh, that's really nice. That is lovely. Anyway. It's a Slazenger V1200 for those not in the know. Yeah. So I met someone this week who said they turn bats into like shot trays. And I'm thinking, what am I going to do with this bat, right? I'm not going to frame it or put it up in my house. So I thought, actually, that could be a really good idea. I'll stick it somewhere. When I get the shots out, I can pop them on. Is the man matching Tandorka? Not actually. It's very matching.

54:01Surf people drink. This sounds like matching pitch and something to him. Why that? Did it come from a mysterious email address? I think it might be matching. Could you fit 81 shots on there? That would be the dream. No.

54:19so are you seriously considering making that into a shot bat yeah yeah you guys are seriously against it's a precious thing isn't it yeah absolutely yeah don't do it what else am i going to do with it well can i have it no what what i want it in my house

54:40Felix White:it's just like it's waste it's just in a corner like in a What about under your bed for burglars? I've got a shotgun for that. It's a bit like someone taking Ayrton Senna's car and being like, let's turn it into one of those things that you weird around on a stag dude when everyone's drinking 12 pints off of you. I'll tell you what, you'd make an absolute fortune off that. Turn them into dodgems. Get all the world championship winning cars and put them on the dodgems. That's what you're suggesting. just ramming is it that bad yes because it's because it's that's a piece of history yes thank you piece of history that's a phrase I was looking for maybe tailenders can decide stack up Sharky's inbox with some yes or no what are we doing with the V1200 I feel like I don't know I don't know You have a lot of cricket memorabilia around your place do you Jimmy?

55:47Felix White:Not out No Not on show Do you think that you'd do a similar thing with the ball? Would you make balls into like I don't know put on the bottom of table legs Or door handles on all of his house They're all Right The balls are more precious to me than this bat This is it Joe Root's not doing that to it He's not making shot bats out of his bats No no hmm okay I take really good care of my balls but my bats I'm not that bothered about your respects would in a way that you don't and that's that makes me sad but look let the tailenders decide they always see us through tailenders at bbc.co.uk giving you a lot of work to do okay yeah what's what they got to do again tell us the things that they want to do as a professional cricketer things that they would just love and it's not not to do not the big stuff it's not winning the ashes it's not getting a five for at laws it's not getting a hundred it's what's the little the little things yeah the weird nuanced cricket things that you would you can admit to us but you wouldn't admit to your friends who don't stomach cricket they just wouldn't get it yeah we we get it exactly we see you and we hear you exactly you're safe here you are you are safe it does sound creepy when we say that but you are you are safe here stop saying that then well you're safe here well why are you saying it sounds like i'm not safety about you're saying I'm safe.

57:10No, no, no. You are safe. Trust me, you're safe here. I've already shot. Yeah. Yeah, I've already shot us off my bat that scored 81. You're safe. I've got 81 left. You're very, very safe here. So, can I also ask, like, and I'm going to try and mask my incoming disappointment when I get the answer for this. Sharky, you might want to fade yourself up. What's happened to the old scorecard there? Because I haven't heard much about that. I've got an update here. Oh, for God's sake. Okay, so it has failed to take off. And sometimes you've just got to deliver that news. Yeah. Okay, I'm glad we can say it.

57:50But we can move on. It's purely lamgistical reasons. Yeah, it has failed to take off. It has failed to take off, but that is not because we are unpopular. No. Sharky is working at Old Trafford and the Oval, which means we can insert that scorecard, that scorebook into the ground. There's someone there who can plant the seed, the scorebook in the ground. So he is looking for volunteers for any of the days at Old Trafford and the Oval. Go, well, cheers. If you want to score, it's not too late. It starts now.

58:26Felix White:I've got some indie slash rock scoring news for you. Some inside information. I don't know if you saw one of the days of the test match Brian May was there Did you see him? Yes of course He was at the cricket At Lourdes He was scoring the test match Maybe that's where the scorecard is Brian May was scoring Apparently had the earpiece in listening to commentary Watching the cricket and scoring Wow Oh That changes everything because with guitarists and school because graham from him in spiral carpets he loves scoring county cricket full respect in spiral carpets but we've got queen here full respect full respect should we let's aim let's aim for may and then if we don't get may get carpets

59:28okay and that is not disrespectful May 1 carpets 2 let's try and get hold of Brian May I'm sure we should go and spiral carpets first and then try and get Queen or

59:43Sharky let's try our best I'll put out some feelers let's try and get Brian May I would love to get him on the podcast Sharky can you get one of these two people could you either get us Trevor Penny or Sachin Tendalker on the next episode. You be the judge of which one will get the most views.

1:00:02Okay, if you want to score Old Trafford or The Oval or you are Brian May, email tailenders at bbc.co.uk. Let's do the go-wells and then get the hell out of here because this has been a long episode and we're all delirious. And I want to go, quite frankly, I want to go and watch the highlights. So Keith bought Felix a beer at a gig in Cologne. Yes, Keith. Thank you so much. Go well, cheers. Weddings. Human being weddings, human being ones. Gaia and Tom, Ollie and Kim, Flathead and Phoebe and Ellie and Simon. What's your real name? Nathan. It's a good name. Flathead. I'm not going to call you Flathead on our wedding day.

1:00:45So congratulations. Go well. Cheers. Harry met Alan Lamb. Oh, he's not the only one. and well Sharky's put in the in the go wells so did Greg or did Harry say that or did you say that is that you is that you talking Sharky I fed it up yes that's me talking because you know how insanely jealous I am just quickly yeah I did meet Alan Lamb go on and what happened I was with my dad also an Alan it was a double Alan situation Alan Alan Lamb Alan Alan Lamb I was a thorn between two Alans and what happened was Tommy Banks invited me and Alan in for breakfast in his restaurant and we were about to leave to go and have our day at our seats and Alan Lem turned up yeah he was there and he went he went Greg you f*** on tail enders you you you there you had the mannequin you guys are mad and I didn't know anything about it until I I saw this f***ing mannequin flying around a venue and the leg was falling off.

1:01:51I went, leg of lamb. Leg of lamb. And then my dad was, because my dad is 70-odd, obviously grew up very much watching Alan Lamb in the ascendancy. Couldn't believe it and was just so excited. Turned out that Alan was there for lunch. He just goes in and just, you know, just sees who wants to chat to him because he's just one of those characters that's got a million stories. Everyone's like, oh my God, it's Alan Lamb. He's got the keys to all cricket. And he was being sat down for lunch and he went, are you coming over for lunch? So me, my Alan and Alan Lamb sat and had lunch at Tommy Banks's, very fancy.

1:02:32Guess what the main course was? Lamb.

1:02:39No, I nearly exploded. With Alan and Alan Lamb on having lamb. I was just sitting there going, I went, Alan, we're having lamb. He went, yes, lamb, lemmy.

1:02:55He's invited my dad on a wine tour in South Africa. Okay. They're going to be friends now. What else did he do though? What else did he do? Told us the most insane stories of how he started playing cricket for England. What did he consume off the back of his hand? Okay. One of the maddest things I've ever seen in my entire life. please alan lamb okay this kind of tracks when when when you hear me say it alan lamb loves wine number one and number two in sauce in spiral carpet sorry um he also loves caviar yeah he beckoned tommy banks over fish eggs

1:03:43I've never seen anything like this Beck and Tommy Banks over and went Have you got any caviar Tommy? Tommy Banks runs into the kitchen Brings out a little bowl of caviar Scoops it out Puts it on the back of Alan Lamb's hand And Alan Lamb just sucks it into his mouth

1:04:07Just leave that with you in my head he snorted it it happened quickly it could have gone up his nose I thought he was going to put a little bit of mint sauce in the back of his hand that would have been relatively normal to what I actually saw let me just say this though he is the most amazing company ever we've got to get him back on he is fully I wouldn't be surprised if all his bats have been turned into shot bats and it's just caviar Harry's house is just all a house shot. Yeah. It's mad. Bang, bang, bang. Anyway, go well, Harry. And Alan. And Alan. When Harry met Lammy. Yeah. Go well, cheers.

1:04:52Robin has started All Stars cricket, which is a slightly more wholesome thing. Go well, Robin. And one day, Robin, you can turn into Alan Lam. It goes really well. That's where you end up. New tale enders. Baby's human being ones. Fergus Rory to add to that congratulations to Sharky's neighbours James and Beth also Felix always a Felix is a baby Highland cow right also another Felix and also Molly congratulations welcome to the world welcome to Tailenders go well guys Ian is attempting to break the record for the longest ever run up he will run 25 kilometres in full whites holding a ball before bowling the first delivery in his village game.

1:05:37He's raising funds for charity and also to help rebuild the pavilion at Wick Royal Cricket Club, which was destroyed in an arson attack. Ian, we wish you all the best for that. That is a brilliant thing you're doing. Jimmy, as a man who's run in more than most bowlers in the history of cricket, what are your thoughts and tips for Ian, the 25-kilometre run up?

1:06:01Felix White:Just don't bowl and no bowl and you've got to do it all again. it's really keep your foot behind the line quite as simple it's great advice it's such good advice I think I'd get in my own head after 25km and he would just bowl a no ball you'd be panicking so much so do you have to measure your run up as well at the start of the day's play so you have to pace it out you have to pace it out so he walks 25km and then runs back yeah and then it's no ball yeah that's test cricket and by the time he gets back by the time he gets back there someone's moved the marker yeah birthdays Human being birthdays, human being ones.

1:06:36Ruben, Nick, who's 50 not out, David, Elaine and Fozzie. Go well. The Foz. Engagements. Human being ones. Dean and Eloise. Go well. Cheers. Armagh broke his thumb playing cricket last summer and hasn't played since. He asks if he should try again or take up golf instead. He broke his finger. Batting accident. Thumb. Thumb, yeah. yeah that's one for Jim I don't say how it feels like it might be a catching injury

1:07:08Felix White:personally I just feel like life does offer up these tricky situations but I think just thinking about when I think about cricket and what it's given me over my career I'd say golf take up golf go well and get well to Jimbo also to Matt who please don't I know you'll want to laugh because it's a funny phrasing and he is okay but Matt was hit by a tram and wasn't injected in the wrist by a stranger go well get well yeah I don't know if it was because there's a Stuart Broad tram in Nottingham I wonder if it was that one theatre Tom has had an operation and Holly is recovering from back surgery so go well and get well to all of you.

1:08:03Go well. Cheers. Anna's about to graduate from medical school. Go well. We've got William, who's played his first ever match for Leek Wooten Under 10s. Cricket clubs, we've got Aston Cricket Club. Also, big shout out to the England and Wales transplant cricket team who won the transplant ashes and I met a few of the people involved recently and they were so excited about it and they've absolutely smashed that. So congratulations for winning the Transplant Ashes. Deal, Victoria and Barnes Close Cricket Club, especially Logan, who is nine, but playing at under 13 level. Blockly Cricket Club and Barnoldswick Cricket Club as well.

1:08:46Huge go well to all of you. That might be Barnoldswick. Barnoldswick. Okay, Barnoldswick. Go well. George, who's 13, got his first senior Pfeiffer for... Fenus Scowls. Fenus Scowls. Fenus Scowls. Fennis Goals Cricket Club. Fennis like fence, not penis like penis. Go well to George. Move well to Chris, Lucy, Emily and Hannah who are moving from Australia back to England. Also Liam and Roxanna are off to Cheltenham for a laugh. Move well. Cheers. Martin has started playing for Tatton Hall Cricket Club. Ed got his first ever ton. Sivvy got his first 50. Rob and Joey are cycling 114 miles in a day on a tandem for charity, for a love.

1:09:30We've got some anniversaries. Emily and Mohit, Angus and Domini, Carla and Rich, Snipwell to Harry, who's having the old vasectomy. Plus, these people that I met at Lord's Elise, who has been listening for ages and she was coaching the girls at Malvern College and was listening on the way to and from to the back catalogue. so a huge go well to you Elise and that was it Sharky did I send you any others I think that was it cheers cheers well done everyone great to chat about that test match shame about the overwrites but we'll be back before the Old Trafford game Jimmy where are you playing next overrate on this podcast over the top hasn't it

1:10:28Felix White:not slow so what am I doing this week we've got two T20 games left Thursday, Friday Yorkshire heading the knots at Trent Bridge then the following week we're back into four day cricket Blaster lovely anyway we'll have a have a vitality blast always always yeah enjoy the county championship and we'll be back before the Old Trafford test match which is next Wednesday day okay go well everybody thanks for listening and we'll see you next time cheers

1:11:04on bbc sounds this is sport strangest crimes from the man who tried to buy cricket one night one game winner take off 20 us million dollars the kidnap of a super horse it must have been terrifying of course it was how we got through all they got an ill-advised errand changing f1 forever. It will haunt the people involved for as long as they live. A trillion dollar takeover which never took off. Broadsters of this level, they will never stop. The mysterious death of a superstar cyclist. Entering the world of professional cycling was like joining the mafia. And teammates becoming bitter enemies at one of the biggest football clubs in the world.

1:11:44Betrayal. Plot. We've gone beyond women's football in France. Sports strangest crimes. Listen on BBC Sounds.

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