Left Arm Spin Special: Ashley Giles.

25:07James Anderson:players that have ever played in England. But I think, most importantly, they need to listen to people who they trust, who care about them, and as we've just sort of talked about, reconnect with just who they are and the good stuff they've done. Their, them, as people, isn't determined by what people think about them and stats and results. It's not. But time away sometimes is good, but they're both such talented cricketers. But sometimes when that weight of judgment and expectation is so high, it's a bit like the team at the moment. The team's got another go. Team management have got another go, but they almost start from 50 or 60 on the 0 to 100 scale rather than having a fresh start.

25:51So they're going to want quick wins and early wins. Otherwise they're going to be under pressure quite quickly. And that's the same as an individual. Bowling spin's quite weird as well, just thinking then, because there's invariably one spot for a spinner in an England test team. So that's such a fragile place to be, isn't it? If you're the spinner for England and there's one place available and your whole self-worth is based on being the test spinner for England. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's quite a lonely spot. It's a bit like a keeper, I suppose. And you're a bit of a lone wolf. Of course, I felt the pressure.

26:24And I bet there were times, I know there were times in my career when I thought, I wish I'd just get dropped for a couple of games so I can get out of the heat. And I know, you know, ultimately, you get back in there and you get on the horse and you're okay. But there definitely would have been times when I thought, just take me out of this for now. I'm drowning. But, you know, and also remembering it's the good days give you such a high, but they live so much shorter. You know, because we're all taught just that you win, you move on. You're as good as your next game. Whereas defeat or disappointment or a bad day of the office just stays with you and can carry into the next game and the next game and the next game and yeah and juggling all that is quite yeah that's the the big challenge yeah well you write about it

27:07James Anderson:very beautifully and it's so it's so it's alarming to hear that actually as you know we were watching you do this and you don't really don't consider that and you go oh my god you were sort of trapped doing the thing you loved the most it's really quite heartbreaking isn't it a lot of that if you're trapped doing a thing that you know how to do and you've always wanted to do but you just can't do it in that moment. Yeah, I mean, there's a chapter when we played New Zealand in 2004 and I just felt like it was all coming at me. And whatever I did, I wasn't winning anyone over. Yeah, I could have a good day at the office and still wasn't winning people.

27:39And I walked down, we were in London and I walked down to Pizza Express on the corner of Baker Street with family. We sat and stayed there and I was just quiet and the kids were young and she just said, are you okay? And I just burst into tears. I'm playing for England, doing something I love. And I said, I'm just not sure I can do this anymore. And I think she could see it, but she was like, well, if it's doing this to you, just pack it up. You don't need it. But again, you just, I think I had a bottle of red, walked back down the road, tried to get some sleep and you get back on the horse. But again, going back to it, I'm sure all of us have been there at some point.

28:18Some jobs are more public eye, but in terms of cricketers and team, something we just didn't talk about. One of my best mates is the England captain, so I'm hardly likely to go up to him and go, mate, I'm really struggling. I'm not sure where my next good ball's coming from. Cheers, Ash. We might get someone else to do that to you.

28:35James Anderson:Yeah, thanks, mate. But we just more generally didn't really talk about it. It's a good motto, actually, for life. There are very few things that Apollo Ad Astra can't fix. Yeah, that is true. I'd actually love to talk to you about spinners and not just the spot of the spinner. And actually, it feels a little bit like sometimes there's not even one place for a spinner these days. It feels like spin is, it's not the thing at the moment in terms of England and Test cricket. But why is there such fondness for spinners? What is the thing? I mean, Felix clearly has it, but from your point of view, why are so many spinners the character of the team?

29:14James Anderson:Why is there so much? There's a lot of goodwill towards spinners and a lot of people love the character of spinners. There is. I think you've got to be a little bit mad to Bob Spin. I mean, I was probably one of the more sane ones, although Jimmy might tell you otherwise. But, I mean, look at some of the characters. Swanee, Tuffers, I mean... Monty. Just complete... Monty, Warney. Yeah. Mad. Yeah. Mad as hell. But I think there's something about the arts that is... And for me, I was less artful. I'm more consistent, I think. But I think it's intriguing. And particularly being that lone wolf character in a team.

29:56It's a bit like Wicket Keepers. Wicket Keepers are quirky and a bit odd because they're single characters in a team. But I feel for spinners coming through our system now. I really do. When I reflect on how I came... And I started as a seamer. But when I came through in that sort of mid-90 period at Warwickshire, I bowled all my overs in July and August. when the sun came out and the pitches were dry. You just, spinners don't get that anymore. I mean, if you've played seven or eight games up front, four or five games in September, it's an absolute nightmare. And expecting these guys to go to India and win test matches, it's just not realistic.

30:32Are you feeling that in a different way, Jim, being captain of Lanks now? Has that sort of popped into your... Are Lanks playing a spinner at the moment? Yeah, we've got Chris Green. Oh, yeah, Chris Green's been playing, hasn't he? Tom Hartley as well in the squad. Yeah. But yeah, I think it is difficult this time of year to, even if you play a spinner, and I feel I don't really like going I feel like without a spinner you could be found out, you need one in the team but quite often they're just along for the ride and they might bowl a couple of overs before the second new ball or might bowl a little bit in the fourth innings when the pitch is maybe wearing a little bit but generally it does feel like most of the grounds we've played at this year have been relative, either flat or seamer friendly and there's no real way of getting that deterioration in the pitch for spinners to come into the game and learn their trade sort of thing.

31:22We end up just, as bad as this might sound, you're probably more likely to play, if you're going to play a spinner, you're more likely to play someone who can bowl economically rather than someone who can be attacking and aggressive and try and spin it when, you know, if they're trying to rip it and there's nothing happening from the pitch, they're going to find it tough. So, yeah, I don't think it's a great time for spinners to be coming through. And like I said, if you're going away to India and Pakistan in the winters, then you need guys that have been exposed to plenty.

31:54James Anderson:This is summer at its peak. Whole Foods Market Summer Fruit Fest is your invitation to eat the season. Fresh, organic, and bursting with flavor. Start your day with peaches and organic blueberries and yogurt. Build a grazing board with fresh fruit, prosciutto and artisanal cheese. Then fire up the grill with no antibiotics ever proteins and fresh produce. Savour the season. Shop Summer Fruit Fest at Whole Foods Market. Your cricket. It's worth mentioning Liam Dawson at this moment, isn't it? Probably Ashley. it would be he's decided to retire from first class cricket and I wonder if part of that is you know what I just want to focus on my white ball stuff I just want to do a little bit of that so do you have what's the spinners network like do you all chat do they sort of pick your brains on things like this and what do you like about what did you like about watching Liam Dawson bowl yeah I think when we see each other because there are a few of us I think we do.

32:59I'm more than willing to talk about spin bowling and it's only, you know, it's so individual but how I found it, what I did. But Dorse, another solid performer, just a solid all-round cricketer at whatever he is, 36. Not surprised he's perhaps, if he thinks his England opportunities are completely done now in terms of test cricket, then focus the last few years on his white ball cricket. That makes perfect sense. and franchise. Yeah, but a really solid performer and probably been a bit unlucky in recent years not to get more of a go. Yeah. I always feel for him because he got picked in that India test out of the blue to suddenly be like, oh, go and win this test match now on your own on day five.

33:44Cheers. And he's a bit like, well, you guys notice that's not actually what I do or have ever done. And that's quite indicative of spin bowlers generally how they're treated. It's like a few hours before lunch, bit of a bowl here and there and then suddenly you're just expected to go and win a test match without ever having done it before. And I felt like if Liam had a bit of a longer run in the side, he probably would have been a bowler, probably not quite with the numbers you did, Ashley, but that sort of bowler that could tie up an end, a bit of naus, you know what I mean? Absolutely. I think he's a really good cricketer and probably just wasn't in this dressing room, probably wasn't their sort of player, fashionable enough.

34:21Didn't really smack it around the park, but really good player, really solid bowler. probably have to be more extremes. Perhaps not right now with the teams that have been selected, but probably the last couple of years, he probably didn't quite fit.

34:35James Anderson:The men's test squad was announced recently and they've shown some more faith with Shoaib Bashir and Rayan Ahmed is in the squad as well. What is your take on the Shoaib Bashir situation as a spinman yourself? I think if I was Bash, I'd have felt a little bit disillusioned over the winter. so I've been caught on the pedestal as England's number one spinner I've been carried around a lot I've played a bit and then you go through the ashes don't really get a look in at all and there may have been some good reasoning behind that and then you're back in well I'm not sure what he's done wrong so there's no reason not you know no reason to leave him out but he's also not playing a lot of cricket you know he's bowling more now than he has for some time with Derby but I feel for him But he's one of the best examples of someone who is an out-and-out spinner, I think has big potential, great release points, spins it, really good competitor.

35:32And in a different era, he'd probably be right in the mix all the time. But in this time, doesn't quite fit. And then you've got Rayan Ahmed, who is a very exciting, quick and it fits with that dressing room, what he offers with the ball. Is he going to give you the control you need? that's the other thing because it's one thing yes you've got to spin it and I'm not saying he's not going to do this but you know to keep pressure to get men around the bat it's the release balls that leg spinners even the very best leg spinners we've had like Rash will struggle with because in test cricket batsmen can just sit on you and just wait on the back foot to hit that one ball two balls and over I guess that's the difference a little bit is that we can all play fantasy cricket and if it's not your actual responsibility everyone's going to pick a leg spinner but when it's actually on you and you're in a real situation of do i give him the ball now that's a very different thing and nine times out of ten england captains don't pick the leg spinner in that situation yeah and i think it was a bit scrambled in the winter wasn't it because jacks was around jacks is useful he can hold his own but when you've carried bash that long it then became it looked a bit scrambled between we can't get enough runs so we need to get Jackson who can bowl a bit and when that happens at the one place you're going to play a frontline spinner which is Adelaide it just it then started to probably for the first time look a bit fractured but Jimmy and I have both been on Ash's tours that look a bit fractured and know how it feels so yeah you can't can't completely blame them it's mad how it always happens well

37:07James Anderson:no it does always happen it's fun it's mad how it always happens and you as a fan from afar you watch it going oh i think that thing's happening again where they're all losing their confidence in their mind oh hang on that oh no that thing that we hope they don't do they're doing oh they're not true what oh no it's gone wrong again yeah yeah frustrating thing anyway yeah yeah it's also what makes us keep coming back for more because we just we just want it to be good and we want to see people do well and that's why sport is an absolute nightmare to be invested in it's it's I hope they're killed.

37:39James Anderson:Always, always, always, always. I'd love to talk about your role at Worcestershire in that beautiful ground that you're presiding over, chief executive of Worcestershire. Just hearing you talk about the intricacies of looking after players from a psychological point of view and talking about their career development and reconnecting with their younger selves and why they got into the game. Do you get a chance to still do that as chief executive or do you feel a bit more removed from that sort of thing, that day-to-day? Yeah, so I carry directory cricket responsibilities as well. But that's very much at the sort of, you can do that at a smaller club, but at the top end in terms of contracts and recruitment and stuff.

38:17I'm very lucky. I've got Alan Richardson, head coach, who does a huge amount of work. But I look at that holistically across all my staff. People and culture are really, really important to me. That's really important because if we get that bit right, it's not just about creating harmony but it's about creating that balance between support and challenge you've got to have both Jimmy and I's worlds we've played you've got to have challenge because it's a win or lose game but you can only really challenge people if you support them as well I think that's how you try and drive business forward and yeah I try and balance that both sides I don't go in the dressing room a lot I will go up occasionally I obviously speak regularly to the captain and the coaches and I put my head in but I let the coaches get on with it because if you go in when it's good or bad, you've got to be consistent.

39:09I try and give them their own space. Chief exec role is busy, so I don't travel a lot. I'm not going up or going away a lot this year because all the home games, obviously all the weekends are full. I'm with women's cricket now really busy. But I tell you what, I've loved this job because the breadth of it, I've learned more in this job than I've learned in any job. So it's probably not the final hurdle in terms of jobs, but the final challenge in terms of roles gone right through the gears. Yeah. But the breadth of this one with, you know, commercial finance, cricket as well, marketing and really learning that cash is king in a business.

39:46Without cash, you're dead. What do you... I thought you were going to say it's six miles door-to-door as well. Yeah. Definitely helps. It's a bit of that, isn't it? It's a bit of that. Mrs. is happy. You know what that's like, Jim? Yeah, well, it's also... Keep the wife happy.

40:00James Anderson:A beautiful ground. Waterlogged for a lot of the year. famously but yeah what did you what what did you first notice about the the fans the members what what's the what's the worcestershire like what's the what's the what's the passionate stuff you get sent in what are the letters i'd be careful there generally we have a really good membership here and i've worked obviously at warwickshire i've worked at lancashire there's differences both in the dressing room and with your memberships regionally everyone just behaves slightly different. It's a bit more at Lancashire. It can be a bit stronger and a bit tougher, a bit like Yorkshire.

40:34It's just like a cricket's a religion. They're a bit kinder here, but most of my complaints are generally a little bit about performance, of course, if you lose games, but it'll be about price of food, price of beer, membership cards. You know, to bus timetables even, Greg. I get that stuff.

40:55James Anderson:It's important stuff. It is, yeah. But then you get the, you know, you talk about the ground. So at the moment we're looking at what we're calling Project Elgar, which is our... Dean Elgar. Trying to get Dean Elgar in. Trying to get him signed. Looking at what we're, you know, our additional venue project. So looking at a new venue. Yeah, this is just, it's not sustainable. I mean, if you've ever been here when it floods, what I call the deep end, which is just off to my left, is about nine foot of water. Is it? if you're referring to an end of a cricket ground as the deep end you need to know yeah it's horrendous and I mean the last flood left about 10 weeks ago so to get the ground in the condition it's been in for the first two matches is huge credit to my staff they've been brilliant I broke in the other day just because I wanted to have I was in Worcester legally but I pleaded with I think her name was Sophie.

41:59James Anderson:She was part of the ground stuff where she was sorting out some stuff and it was mid-April and I said can I just have a quick, can I just get a photo in front of the Graham Hick Pavilion? She let me in. It was a bit of a delay because you don't have a first home game until I think it was the end of 18th, isn't it? Because it was just... I think it was Sophie. But yeah, she trusted me and my dog and we walked around for a little bit so I could get a picture of the Graham Hick Pavilion. but it looks it looked really stunning on a sunny day so it's a beautiful place isn't it i'm trying to get incredible ground i haven't been to worcester before you're all welcome stop lingering at places like old trafford you know where all the lights and cold yeah it's a bit cold you know yeah come and see us i'd love to you know we'd really like to actually look we'll let you go in a second but i just wanted to ask aside from the highs of the 2005 ashes is and I want to because you you will get asked about that rightly for your whole life but is there another cricketing moment that you think has gone under the radar as your favorite one of your favorite memories that you when you have a bit of time off you think about and go that was a really great time or innings or over or just something what other what other golden memories do you have from your playing career from the playing career I think that 2004 period where I talked about that walk down Murrow-Le-Bone High Street with Steiner, the lows of that, to in the same year, having my best year in Test cricket.

43:27So going back-to-back nine furs at Lourdes against the West Indies, then Edgbaston, getting Brian Lara, who was my 100th Test wicket. And so thinking, honestly, one minute, this could be it. Even doing that, getting 100 Test wickets, was something I never imagined that I'd be able to complete. And then a couple of tests later, completing 1 ,000 runs. so at that time everyone does it now but a thousand run and a hundred wickets double so that period it felt like and it's never easy but it felt easier it just felt like a weight had lifted from my shoulders and then non-playing when I went into coaching and I worked with Warwickshire for that first five years and very wet behind the ears coach but we went from the worst team in the country to county champions that was a really enjoyable period for me professionally yeah that's awesome but I've been so lucky to work at cricket for now 30 years, 34 years.

44:20And that's how long Jimmy's been playing, let alone working at it. But it's... Genuinely close. We're very lucky to be, you know, we've talked a lot about the negative stuff, but it's such a special environment to be involved in and you get to meet great people like you guys and everyone around the country. I've got a quick one. I'd love to know whether you think this was a positive or a negative when Brian Lara got 400. and you didn't play that game. Oh, you didn't play. You missed that game. I mean, I'm guessing, obviously, you'd want to play. But afterwards were you thinking, oh, not bad for me.

45:00Poor Gareth Batty's like watching these balls sail over his head. Oh, Gareth Batty was bowling. It was such a weird one, that, because it was during a low point, actually. It was the beginning of that 2004. I felt quite low. and Brian, the other pilot, he hadn't looked like getting a run the whole series. I mean, he was awful. And then we get to Antigua and my daughter Tilly was out. She was a baby at the time and she was ill. She picked up this bug, which I must have got and it was horrendous. You know, it's one of those where you just, oh yeah, I won't, but it's awful. So there's no chance we're playing that test match.

45:34And I was watching on the telly but as soon as Brian started, it was like, it's going to break the world record here. And he was like, he could have been on 90, but you just thought, this is ominous he just looked like he wasn't going to get out so yeah i think personally yeah probably dodged one there i feel for bats yeah that was a bit of a hospital pass i was um

45:53James Anderson:i went quiet for a couple of minutes there because i was just looking up your 100th wicket which was as you said brian lara and it's a little beauty at lords where you got him through the gate oh is it oh lovely he clearly under he under what's the word I'm looking for what can I think underestimated underestimated thank you Jimmy he underestimated you there with that one well I think actually I think someone told me in his book he talked about a couple of balls I think he said Jimmy bowled his best ball ever but that one at Lords was a close second really it's a fantastic delivery it's really amazing I'm Googling this ball straight.

46:33I'm Googling this ball now. He actually had my, one of my greatest interactions was Brian at Edgbaston, the next test match. And the wicket spun Edgbaston and he's fiddling about a bit and then he swept one down to deep square. And I knew Brian, obviously from playing with him at Warwickshire and he always called everyone by their surname. So he ran down the wicket and he just went, Jales, you've got me confused. And I thought, that's good enough for me. I could retire now, dig a hole if I've got Brian Lara confused. That's great. The ball is...

47:03James Anderson:It's a beauty. It's unbelievable. Yeah. So it turns, basically turns square. That's your ball of the century, Gilo. That's been... Do you know what, though? The 2005... A span of a mile. The Damien Martin 2005 one, man. That is such a ball. Because it's coming in with the arm, isn't it? And it straightens and bowls in, beats the outside edge. Is that what happens or I misremember? Yeah. I'll tell you what I like about it most was Richie Bano's commentary, because I love Richie. And there was that moment. and actually I was batting with Kev at the over when Richie was in his last stint as a commentator in England ever.

47:38But the one at Old Trafford, I think he said something, I won't try to do the accent, but you know when a batsman prods forward. You've seen something very special. Yeah, and there's a crash of ash. Yeah, yeah. It's great. It's just such, so Richie. Look this one up now. Anytime you hear a crash, you see a batter play the perfect forward defensive and then you hear a crash of ash, you know you've seen something very special. there you go something like that yes spot on I would watch that again yeah wait a second I've got it here yeah

48:12James Anderson:what a good ball any time you see a spin bowler persuade a batsman to cover his stumps with what seems the perfect defensive delivery and then there was a crash of ash you know you've seen something special pitched outside Brighton, defensive shot, hit the top of our stump. Eat your heart out, Shane Warne. Oh, I've got shivers. What trouble they've got now, Australia. 125 for nine. Clark still injured to come. Big, big opportunity for England. I've got shivers. Please. I've actually got shivers. That is so good. Do you know what the crowd noise is amazing through that series? You can feel how engaged every single person.

48:59in those like football stadiums for goals. Yeah, that's incredible. But Richie was a legend. Yeah, I loved that man. He was always so nice, wasn't he, Jim? It was just like... Incredible.

49:13James Anderson:Yeah, great times. King of Spain, it feels like a nice place to end it. Thank you so much for being on Tailenders. It has been a real treat just to hear you talk and I know the listeners will have loved it as well. I recommend highly the King of Spain and I which is nominated in the cricket category at the sports book awards this year please go and give that a read or a lesson have you done the audiobook no we haven't done one oh no it's just trying to find five days in my day job to yeah to go and do it which is what i think it takes yeah it does it takes more than that that was almost jimmy's the most difficult thing jimmy's ever had to do oh jimmy you read the whole of yours yeah that's when you were that's when we We were on a deadline, so I had to do it in like two and a half days.

49:57Yeah, and that's when you messaged me, called me a **** and what were those long words before? Yeah, you put so many long words in it.

50:03James Anderson:It's the first time that anyone's actually recorded an audiobook at three and a half speed. That was so good. Ashley, before you go, can I just thank you again for writing back to me when I was 10 years old? It's a pleasure, mate. You're making me through really odd now. Yeah, but it's a pleasure. Legend. Jarno, thank you so much. we'll speak to you soon and good luck for the rest of the season thank you guys great to be here go well cheers mate cheers cheers mate before we do the go wells and let everyone get on with their lives I want to just check in on how Matchin has been doing with his quest to get into the underbelly of the village game

50:45that is the sound not just of an A minor 7th chord but also of us going back in time to last Friday where Matching Tendulka has just played his first game for Sharky. What's the name of your team again? Have I faded up? Yes, you've faded up back in time with a very minor seven chord. We are Stocking Pelham Cricket Club. Stocking? Pelham. Pelham. I can't believe I've never asked that. For all years I've been associated with your team. Anyway, so Matching, as aforementioned, Matching Tendulka, King of the Sea, founder of Roller Soul Shoes, is going to play for your cricket club this summer and then he's going to tell his tale on tale enders.

51:24He has just played for Stocking Pelham, CC with Sharky and you've got a matching report for us? I have mate, I have. Hello. Hello, how you doing mate, you alright? Best I've ever been, thank you. How are you doing? Best you've ever been? Yeah, I mean it was quite a thrill. It was quite a thrill. Was it? I've got a match report. I've wondered, could you provide some I don't know, atmospheric music? I don't know what you want to go for. GCS? some flamenco i'd love to okay well okay just quickly for the benefit of a tape matching also provide music and he says firstly gcs which makes made me feel ominous about what this story is going to be we can we just say we just we didn't we didn't say on the group what how we got on we deliberately left it i don't know what happened in this game all i know is that i've seen a video of sharky going out to bat while he's a paracet while i was falling out of pocket which gives you a sense of his state of mind anyway without further ado let's hear the matching report to the chord of beginning a minor seven and we might go somewhere else today we asked the question echoing around clubhouses across the nation can a man in his 40s showbiz age 27 pick up a pick up a bat and learn village cricket from scratch i arrive at sharkies, the shark tank, and unbundled into the car.

52:45Four blokes and three comically oversized cricket bags somehow defy ergonomic science and are crammed into a Nissan Qashqai as we snake through the narrow country roads outside Bishop's Dortford. We pull into the car park and straight into a hallmark card vision of village cricket. A thatched pavilion watches over the ground like a retired old pro. This chocolate box outpost has hosted games since the 1880s. Thick towering oak trees, ancient by even village cricket standards, stand between the boundary rope and the players cars. These natural guardians of the windscreens have stood tall since before the first world war.

53:28I glance at the parked cars on the show and think they look dangerously close to the boundary. I hope that Tesla is fully comped. I know I'll be slogging absolutely everything in sight. Our entire squad somehow squeezes into a changing room that resembles a converted airing cupboard. The team talk lasts approximately nine seconds. Enjoy yourself, lads, and let's get to the pub. They're putting lasagna on. Not quite the Churchillian battle cry I was expecting. The team is announced. Sharky is batting at three. I'm batting at four. Oh my god, is that the depth we've got? I'm talking about it. My heart rate goes up.

54:11This is it. My first competitive village game. It's time for this Tendorka Nepo baby to finally prove his worth. Low level panic sets in. I feel like I'm eight years old again. Everything feels foreign. The helmet doesn't fit. These pads are so restrictive. I feel like a newborn Optimus Prime learning to walk for the first time. The box won't stay in its place. Does the box go above my pants? The plastic against my testicles feels wholly unnatural. Why did I agree to do this? There's no time for a warm-up. I stride out into the cauldron of Clavering Cricket Club. Five spectators, two dogs, and a toddler eating mini cheddars.

54:57It may as well be... Can't a cricket then. It may as well be... sorry sorry i'm really trying to go on it may as well be the gabba

55:07within eight minutes we lose our openers sharky is up he he heroically discards his ibuprofen and heads out over the top goodbye old friend but sharky is a man possessed possessed by runs In his natural habitat, Sharknado can sense a quick single from three miles away. Suddenly, the outfield is under siege. Boundaries whistling to hedges. Singles are stolen with military precision. And a walloping six is struck into the bushes. Six! Another wicket. And then comes the unbelievable twist of fate. It's to be me and Sharky at the crease. do you take that much of a twisted fight if you're back in three or four but you know you can't

56:01I'm not that blown away if you're back in together we didn't know that before we started before the game okay okay okay do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded batting partner in sickness and in health a thousand times yes the same man who replied to my email nine years ago and accidentally ushered me into Z-List cricket podcast notoriety is now shepherding... This is like the Before Midnight trilogy here. ...is now shepherding me through my first competitive village innings like a nervous exchange student. I walk out, feeling the full weight of the Tendorka surname pressing down on my shoulders.

56:41My hands are sweating. My genitals remain furious at being imprisoned. The helmet doesn't fit. Why did I grow my hair? My fringes in my eyes. Visibility down to roughly 65%. I can hear my heartbeat in my temples. Suddenly I feel an overwhelming wave of empathy for Zach Crawley. Maybe we were all too harsh. How do you do this when it actually matters? I survive the opening overs through little more than fear and blind luck. Sharky manages me between overs with the tactical simplicity of a 1980s PE teacher. Seaball, hitball, he keeps bellowing. I suddenly feel like there are 4 ,000 fielders. The cars that seemed so close half an hour ago are a speck in the far distance.

57:27I finally nudge one into leg side and sprint through for a single. One run. I've done it. I'm a cricketer. In this glorious moment, my mind completely spirals out of control. Maybe this really is genetic. Maybe Stokes will see this grainy Instagram footage and I'll get called up. Village cricket today. Lords tomorrow. Two balls later, my stumps are rearranged. Oh, for God's sake. Oh, for God's sake. One bloody run. A sympathetic ripple of applause follows my walk back to the pavilion. I have brought shame onto the family name. Despite Sharky's heroics, we lose the game. But by sunset, none of that really matters anymore.

58:14Both teams spill across the road into the cricketers' pub, where pints disappear into sunburnt vases and the game is dissected ball by ball with the kind of forensic detail normally reserved for war crimes. Lasagna arrives as promised. I successfully blag a second helping of lasagna before someone points out that batters probably shouldn't consume more lasagna than runs scored. Fair. Still, the bug has bitten. I wallow in the warm hug that team sport allows. someone kindly reminds me that Steve Smith scored just one run on his test debut before becoming the best batter of his generation. True.

58:54So this is merely the beginning. It wasn't bad for either. This is merely the beginning. I'll dust myself down, have another lasagna, hit the nets, tighten the helmet straps and return. Village cricket has me now.

59:12Woo! Yes! I've never, I've never, that was so good. Also, I've never heard something more dramatic and long, but it was essentially nothing happened. The whole story is f***ing what happened. So you turned up, you turned up, there wasn't seen talk. You got one, shark eats and runs, and then you ate some food. Yeah, I went to the pub. But great day. It was so good. That was beautiful. That was beautiful, that Jim. It was a long way to go for one run. So your average is one? The average is one, but, you know, I think that was first game nerves. There was a lot of pressure on my shoulders. And I'm going to hit the nets and see how we go.

59:57I've got the game lined up. I've got lining up something in Derby and then down in the West Country. There's going to be a lot of games to get my average back up. Before we go back, forward in time, back to the studio and go well, let's hear the Chardonnay-Dohye view on the situation. Are I faded up? Yes, you're faded up back in time of A-7. chord. Firstly, just a correction of the pronunciation, it's clavering, Machen, but anyway, your poem was beautiful, just for the benefit of the tape. It was wonderful to bat him, Matt. It was great. I mean, as has been discussed previously, he does have a stance like WG Grace.

1:00:29Yep. Great. Good average. And, you know, his running between the wicket was... Because I think I nearly ran you out, or you nearly ran me out, I can't remember. There was definitely a moment. It's not been falling out. so yeah it was a great day I mean Matt could have had a bowl as well but he declined oh really and actually it was getting quite dark so it's probably a good decision because I fear that over actually we were playing 100 for Matt that's something we should say so his set his final balls may have gone on for a while but it was great fun and thank you to my teammates and the opposition for making Matt and did you win or did you lose we lost comfortably it was a bit tighter at the end than it should have been we took some late wickets but we definitely came second I thought my one run was going to be the difference at one point oh that would have been great but you made friends along the way is basically the moral of a story it's the real treasure along the way yeah yeah okay that's the real runs okay now we're going to go back in time to Greg with the go wells but I can't wait for next week and more exploits what are we calling this Matchings Cook Club I thought I was going to call it Village People

1:01:44see you next time for the next episode of village people

1:01:51James Anderson:it's a lovely start it's a strong start as he um as he discovers the underbelly as he calls it often and we'll have another update very very soon but now i think we should do the go wells and then get out of here shall we uh at the end can i just quickly read i want to read a tim key poem about mark ramprakash that i've found in the book catching the light which is a book of cricket poems. Please. Because I just think you're going to really like this poem. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's going to round off the go-wells. But here we go. Go, cheers. Some walk-wells that I missed off last week, actually.

1:02:21James Anderson:I wanted to do this. This is Amy and John who are walking from Lourdes to devise his cricket club for a laugh and to raise money for a brand new pavilion. A pavilion at Devise is not a new pavilion at Lourdes. They don't need any more money. Go well. Cheers. Go well to everyone doing exams at the minute, especially Bea and Katie. yeah go well to anyone doing revision or exams at the minute it is that horrible time of year but you'll get through it and the summer is coming and there's gonna be loads of cricket and it's all gonna be fine gorgeous new tailenders yeah baby's human being baby's human being ones we've got arlo we've got cora who along with parents matt and amy are moving to missouri for a laugh we have iris and beatrix and uh mably and percy and sunny and leo as well go well cheers yeah Sandra went to Lanks versus Middlesex and met a load of tailenders at Old Trafford.

1:03:11James Anderson:Go well to you. Cheers, Will. A huge go well and get well to our very own Izzy Wong, who's picked up a hamstring injury. And fingers crossed she'll be okay for the World Cup after we were getting so excited a couple of weeks ago. Come on, Izzy. So go well, Izzy. We love you. Go well, cheers. Get well. Everyone at Marshfield Cricket Club as well wants to send their best to JB as well. Go well. Cheers. Cheers. Wed well to Josh and Katie. For a laugh, I like all the other ones. Toothpaste kisses was the first dance. Go well, cheers. Rob and Lorna and also Abby and George Go well Go cheers Move well to Ellie who's leaving Somerset for New Zealand for a laugh Go well Cheers We have some more birthdays Human being birthdays human being ones Ava and Patrick and Matt whose first three test matches were Adelaide, Melbourne and Sydney in 2010 Phil who is also 50 not out Go well to all of you Go cheers Some more cricket clubs Human being ones Woking and Horsell Cricket Club Moulton Cricket Club Blueberry Cricket Club Carlton CC Fifths Himley Ladies Cricket Club Bristol Cricket Club's Under 11s Stoke Bishop Cricket Club Under 13s Liphook and Ripsley Cricket Club as well Go well all of you Cheers Oli hit a massive 84 off 22 balls to win a T20 match last week Nice respect that Go well I bet you felt on top of the world Oli and you deserve that moment Engagements It's Josh and Ali.

1:04:37James Anderson:Josh and Ali. Andy has a brand new job. Congratulations. Go well. Katie has switched jobs to become a midwife for a laugh. Every time she mentions a baby, those in the know say, human being ones, human being ones, baby, being delivered. Human being ones. So go well to you. We've got Elliot, who was emailing us while sitting in the Sir James Anderson end, watching Sir James Anderson bowl. Love it. literally watching your end running away from him I imagine my rear end go well get well to Jacob who says was really looking forward to playing my first game of cricket in about 10 months however on the 9th ball of the game whilst fielding I set off from mid off to field the ball to my left and pulled my calf coincidentally I'm re-listening to the back catalogue and only just listened to the episode when Felix pulled his calf during the nets at the oval I now quite literally feel your pain go well get well thank you Jacob go cheers cheers wed well to Nick and Hallie James and Hannah James is stuck on a hat trick got two wickets in two balls in his last match but now won't play again until after his stag do pressure big moment please let us know how you get on and go well with that Josh and Zoe both play for Elstow Cricket Club they're also huge Maccabees fans and they're wedding so wed well cheers wed well cheers googly news just the one for sick to me this week and that's Tom okay snip well You can email us Thank you very much for listening Felix White to round us off with a poem Great new cricket book of cricket poetry out called Catching the Light which I liked a lot Tim Key has written this and I just thought I'll read this because it's so good This poem is called Ramps Some new rules came in on the wage side of things New companies would pay one quarter of your pay the government would stump up a quarter and Mark Rampakash would make up the rest.

1:06:34Yes! What a first paragraph. Ramps phoned up his agent immediately. Why am I paying half of everyone's wages over here? He was basically having a meltdown. This doesn't make any sense. How am I going to afford this even? Damn it, what have they done to me suddenly? His agent was as calm as always. We're onto it, Mark. We think it's a mistake. They can't mean it. We're going to send some emails. Ramps was whacking the phone against the side of his cricket helmet. We're pretty sure they're going to row back from this, his agent went on. Ramps was sat on his kit bag now, his mouth twisted with the stress of it all, with sweat pouring over his tap shoes.

1:07:12James Anderson:What's the name of the collection? It's called Catching the Light and that's called Ramps. Catching the Light, amazing. Well, that's the great Tim Key. A lovely place to end today's tale enders. Thank you, Felix. Thank you, Jimmy. And thank you for listening. We'll be back next week. Go well. Cheers. Welcome to the Wayne Rudy Show We're joined by Wayne Rudy We are joined by the actor James Nelson-Jones Is that new lass? We've got to get you in season, mate We've got to do it Bruno, this is the first interview I've ever done Very nice to be here with you I played against you I got the shirt off you but you don't know it I asked Juan to get it for me Paddy, thank you so much for being with us today I know I'm going to win the Bills That's in my destiny It was just, that wasn't my time.

1:07:58The Wayne Rooney Show. Watch your night, player.

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1:08:04James Anderson:He's widely recognised as one of the greatest footballers in history. He's won the prestigious Ballon d 'Or award five times. He's the all-time leading goal scorer in professional football. And according to the Bloomberg Billionaires Index, he's the first active footballer in history to achieve billionaire status. Guess who we're talking about yet? That's right, Good Bad Billionaire is exploring the life and fortune of football icon Cristiano Ronaldo. That's Good Bad Billionaire from the BBC World Service. Listen now wherever you get your BBC podcasts.