Squad, Substitutes and Sponsorship Scandal

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0:30at Whole Foods Market. He's widely recognised as one of the greatest footballers in history. He's won the prestigious Ballon d 'Or award five times. He's the all-time leading goal scorer in professional football. And according to the Bloomberg Billionaires Index, he's the first active footballer in history to achieve billionaire status. Guess who we're talking about yet? That's right. Good Bad Billionaire is exploring the life and fortune of football icon Cristiano Ronaldo. That's Good Bad Billionaire from the BBC World Service. Listen now wherever you get your BBC podcasts.

1:07Hello and welcome to Tailenders.

1:12Hello and thank you for having us on Tailenders. We have Jimmy Anderson, we have Felix White and it's me, Greg James, G-Force. And welcome to another episode where... You're welcome. we've just just in the nick of time they've the England men's team management have got their act together and sent across the squad for the upcoming series against New Zealand good timing and we have it in front of us I was about to wiggle some paper like it's just come through but it's just on a screen yeah go on oh okay

1:47right is that the England squad I've just got it yeah it's just arrived through the door Ben Stokes Rayan Ahmed Gus Atkinson Sonny Baker Shoah Bashir Jacob Bethel Harry Brook Ben Duckett Matthew Fisher Emilio Gay James Rue Arlie Robinson Joe Root Jamie Smith Josh Tong or Tong depending on where you grew up Headlines No Crawley Arlie Robinson is back Emilio Gay is there James Rue is in the squad and Sonny Baker in line for their first test caps Jimmy Anderson immediate thoughts when you read that squad? Or maybe you've just heard it for the first time. I didn't hear it. I was sore in my headphones.

2:30I'm sore in. But I know it is. I know it is. Did you ask for my reaction? Yes. Immediate reaction from Jimmy. Please. Immediate. Yeah, I think it's pretty good. I think it's pretty what people would have expected. I don't think there are any massive shocks in there. You know, the guys they've picked have done really well this season. Gay in particular, I think, has been in really good form, deserves a chance. James Rue has done really well over the last few seasons. His name's been mentioned before as well. I'm not sure he'll make the final 11, but it shows what their intentions are with him being in the squad.

3:07I guess Ollie Robinson's the one slight surprise, just because he's been out of the team for two years, gone back to Sussex, he's now captain of Sussex, he's done really well this year, he's got 100. so yeah I think that's good for him like he's obviously he's knuckled down worked hard to get back in the team so yeah I think it's pretty pretty strong we say no surprises or not many surprises but I was surprised to not see Crawley's name on there not because of form or anything like that but just because he hasn't not been picked and that's that is a big moment for everyone involved where they've gone, actually, no, it's not happening at the moment.

3:49So I was surprised to see that they actually did finally just go, okay, no, because that has been a project, hasn't it, that we've talked about a lot on this podcast. Yeah, I think, you know, you can't really have any qualms about it with going on the form throughout the Ashes. You know, I feel like there was pressure on him, not necessarily from within the team, but from the media. and then coming back home and not getting any runs or no significant scores for Kent, I think it's a pretty fair decision. What I will say is I definitely don't think it's the end of his test career. You see someone like him who's got serious talent.

4:28I think his top score is 270 in test matches, so you can't get 270 unless you've got something about you. So I think if he works hard enough at his game, obviously he's got a few areas to iron out, but there's no reason why he can't force his way back into the team in the coming years. What do you think from a bowling perspective, Jim, seeing Sonny Baker and Matt Fisher in there? Do you think there's a nice balance there, obviously with Robinson coming back in as well? On first appearance, it kind of looks well balanced in terms of just like you feel like you've got a few different people that can do different things in there?

5:01Yeah, I don't think either of them will play potentially. Certainly not the first time. My starting 11 or starting bowling attack will be Atkinson and Robinson with a newborn, Stokes and Josh. Yeah. Tong. Tong. With a first change. So I think that they'll be there as cover. If there are injuries, then they might get a chance. But I think I've played with Sonny. I think he's an immense talent. Got a lot of pace, got good skills. had a pretty good start to the year with Hampshire I'm sure he's got a big future ahead of him but just getting him in and around the squad I think he's good and you know if he plays I'm sure he'll do himself justice because he's a very good bowler still young still learning his way but you know I think he'll learn a lot being in and around that group Matt Fisher's quite an interesting one because he's not like if you look to his numbers I can't imagine he being like the top handful of seam bowlers in the county championship this summer but he has been new ball bowling with Surrey obviously before he joined Surrey he was in the England squad swings it away from right handers do you think that it's often just a pool of cricketers in their mind but they want to kind of find a way to get back in because they like them rather than looking over this first few weeks necessarily and being like oh he's done well he's done well he's done well yeah I think there's probably a mixture of like trying to pick a strong squad to win these test matches against New Zealand yeah you know and the rest of the test you know these six test matches over the summer but also there's half an eye on the Ashes next year.

6:31And I see like a Sonny Baker as someone who is sort of like, he's probably better than this or will be better than this in the future. But at the minute, he is a little bit of a luxury bowler. So I think you need control around him to allow him to then, he has got pace, he has got skills, but I feel like he needs control around him to have success. So I think they've got an eye on the Ashes next year as well, picking those sorts of guys. Fisher again he's played I think he's played one test and again he'll learn from being around the group what is needed of you to play test cricket he'll see how the other guys go about it and I'm not saying he's not going to get a chance in the first few games but if he does I'm sure he'll do well because he has got the attributes that you'd associate with a successful test bowler he also gave my nephew a Nisei an autograph while he was fielding at Square Leg the other week so I felt like it was a good carving pick for that as well yeah for that He did that between overs.

7:30But then I would have picked Sam Cook too. And Simon Harmer, even though he's South African. We'll do some Charisma 11s at some point in today's episode because we've had so many. Charisma 11s and also Charisma Replacement substitutes, which we can get to. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. Charisma Replacement, yeah. A bit more on this squad then. I mean, personally, I'm excited to see the new people. I love this start. I like it when there's a little bit of change with some people. Everyone's championing on those first, that first test of the summer to see those new names in action. You go, this is just exciting to see how Emilio Gay performs at that level.

8:06And I guess he'll open then. That's the plan. And then the other thing we haven't mentioned is that Oli Pope isn't in that squad either. Which is, it just feels like, well, they've had to act because of everything that went on in the winter. And also in a more positive way, the reaction to how things have been going in the county championship. So again, shows how important the county championship is. if you get loads of runs and you play well it's it's been rewarded so that's that's that feels like they're listening to county cricket exactly yeah maybe have done and that's a really nice thing i think because it just gives a little bit more vitality to those county games and just and just that's what that's what i mean when i said when i looked at it it felt good like when you look at those names on a piece of paper or on your socials all together but it just kind of like has a nice balance to it and like you say there's it's a sort of list of names that you can feel a bit enthusiastic about because James Rue and Amelia Gay you can imagine us all tuning in that first test hoping that they get runs for England and we haven't had that for a while have we like a new guy to get his like teeth stuck into be like oh I want this person to do well for themselves so um yeah interesting that James Rue was opening the batting for Somerset last week but then Rue got nought twice I think so be interesting to know what happened there like yeah I I'd be fascinated to know what happened there because he's had so much success back in that middle order, sort of four and five.

9:29I bowled at him and he's really hard to bowl at with a slightly older ball. And it's tough when he won't have opened a lot in red ball cricket, I don't think. Yeah. It's tough on him that. That's weird. Yeah, I think it's still good to have him in the squad. The other thing it does do, not necessarily puts pressure on Jamie Smith, but it just shows him that there's someone else another keeper waiting in the wings to come in if he doesn't quite hit his straps so it just I think that's really good to have that healthy competition for places because sometimes you can if you've no one knocking on the door then it doesn't necessarily bring the best out in people so I think you need those sorts of people around who you know or you don't know that they're going to do well but you've got a fair idea that they're next in line.

10:14It's so classic England select is that though isn't it like he's been scoring like hundreds for fun just a week before they pick and go just bat up top just have a little do you know what I mean get two ducks and I'll pick you now now you're feeling a little bit sensitive about everything now have a go at playing test cricket yeah but we don't know that that's the I would very much doubt the England selectors have rung up and said can you open with him I feel like I feel like they will have gone with the opener that they would have thought can do well to win that game they wouldn't have you know oh yeah it's hi yeah it's the England men's team here yeah yeah we just want you to go out and play just play your normal game but we want you to question everything that you've ever learnt about yourself in the game and you know how you're right handed can you do it left handed just for one week just so you can we want you to get really self conscious and just to let you know that this isn't a spot in test history isn't on the line but it's not not on the line yeah this isn't a test but this is also the ultimate test so anyway have a great have a great match go well but relax relax relax relax just relax don't even think about it this conversation hasn't happened just ignore me ignore me because he must have been aware about that spot being available maybe he said to Somerset can I bat up top because I feel like there's this place up for grabs and I just want to prove yeah I don't know if it wasn't selectors Marcus North that's what I wanted to talk about oh yeah Marcus North who I think is Jimmy's favourite Australian we've talked about him before as one of the nicest Australians going he is a really nice man I used to love watching him play as well he has become the new national selector recently been working at durham that feels like a good appointment have you chatted to marcus north at all jimmy no okay not chatted to him but i think he's been quite busy yeah i think it's good i think you know again it you mentioned about the england team picking for or looking at county cricket a little bit more to try and pick the squad there's no one more perfect you know someone who's been around county cricket he's played for a few counties he's been working at Durham for a number of years in various roles so I think he's got a good handle on the county game he's also played international cricket so he knows what it takes to to do well at that level so I think he's a very shrewd appointment I saw Alistair Cook's popping up on my social saying he his instinct was that just to let chairman's lecture should be English do you have an opinion on that Greg or Jimmy or Greg do we have an opinion on that I did see that I felt like he you know it felt like he was saying because it's the chairman of selectors is like this title that should come with a blazer and tie you know with the lions on thinking back to David Graveney days when he was doing it like this it should be a very English looking guy with a blazer and a tie on maybe even eggs and bacon at some point yeah who looks good walking around the long room but yeah for me i i don't think it matters it's got to be the best person for the job someone who's got a grasp of all areas of of cricket not just county cricket but international cricket franchise cricket he's got all he ticks all the boxes and i mean he's i mean he's lived he's lived over here for years he's he's he's he's quite anglicized these days, Marcus.

13:39My answer, if you're interested, I don't think that makes any difference at all. I think that is quite a, it's almost a little bit coming over here, taking our cricket jobs. I don't think that's necessarily the attitude that I would share. And also, you go straight into chairman of selecting, can't do it these days. Yeah. It's loads of, I mean we've had so many coaches and things that have been not English it just feels a little bit shaky ground like no no we can't have him he's foreign well I like Marcus North and I think that's a good you've worked with him haven't you? I love that before I met before I knew you guys I used to watch Greg and Marcus North doing slip patches at 3 in the morning on TNT sports or wherever it was BT back in the day wasn't it?

14:33that was a good show that I used to really enjoy that It was the BT Sport first season of them doing cricket. It was really good. It was that day where it was me. I was hosting and the panel was Marcus North, Michael Vaughan and Swanee, and Swanee fell asleep on the telly. We saw you sleep on the telly. It's where he fell asleep on the telly. That's brilliant. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that on the podcast before. To be fair, you'd be going it through your night, yeah. It was, we just started the highlight show, which was at the end of the day's play all of it was coming from Australia so the highlight show started I think about half seven in the morning and we'd just done a night shift and we had like a one ad break to get ready for the highlight show and then I had to be like hello welcome to day three of Australia Pakistan live from the Gabba and then they cut to the sofa Vaughan he was sitting there waiting Marcus North was there patiently waiting to be asked the first question then Swanee was just his eyes were closed

15:36the director was in my ear he was shouting i've never heard someone so angry he went the silly asleep wake him up

15:49i was like reading i was having to read the scorecard or something or whatever it was yeah it's your silly asleep it is through the night you have to be so tired because it's so You're so adrenalising live television. You have to be so tired to be asleep. I did realise it was 40 night shifts, basically. Right. The whole winter. And on the first night shift, I remember driving home and my dad calling me and asking me how it was. And I went, I think I've made a huge mistake. What, are you just going to do this through the night? I was like, I don't want to do this. Which is basically where tailenders came from.

16:29Yeah. Which is I didn't want to do, I didn't want to be a cricket anchor. I wanted to do it, you know, in a fun way. Because at that time, would you have viewed yourself as a young Mark Nicholas in waiting? Well, no, I'd never. It just arrived at my door very gratefully. I was very excited about it. But then I thought, oh, no, there's people that do this way better than me. Anyway. That's not true. Jimmy, have you ever slept on the TV, Jimmy? No. Okay. Have you ever close to slept on the TV? Do you know what? I've probably nodded off on the balcony when the cameras cut through the rest of your balcony.

17:01Yeah, yeah, yeah. The funniest leave on live TV. Just got sunglasses on. The funniest leave on live TV. You have to be so tired. Go on, Jim. I've never been a pundit. Yeah. And as the camera cuts to me, I've been fast asleep. It is wild. It's also incredibly swanny. It's an incredibly swanny thing to do. Yeah. It obviously gets away with it as well. I find it quite charming because you just give that little of a s**t. You're like that. Well, I think it was because he was just so tired and could not keep his eyes open. And also, it wasn't the most exciting series. I think it was Australia, Pakistan, and it was over Christmas.

17:43And it was like, it's rain delays. It's been quite a lot of drawers. Oh, my God, no. And you're in a cold studio. Do you guys remember that? Sorry, just quickly. I know you want to move on, Greg. But that TV show where you weren't allowed to sleep. It was like a reality show. I think it was hosted by Dermot O 'Leary. Right. I think it had to be cancelled because it was just really bad for everyone. It was like last one laughing but for sleeping. You weren't allowed to close your eyes for more than like two seconds. I think there was a whole thing about it that it was just medical people just went, you really cannot do this because someone's going to die here.

18:20Yeah. You get really mentally unwell. But it is. Yeah. That's what people use as torture. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. They did a series where you weren't allowed to sleep. If you slept for a few days, like went up and you had to get knocked out. But like, cause that's what I remember sleepovers being like, you're not allowed to sleep. Oh yeah. You can't wait up for the wrestling. You've got to wake up for WrestleMania. WrestleMania will keep going till 6am. You have to wait. You have to stay up for it. You have to. Yeah. I wonder if Dermot O 'Leary called his dad on the way back from the first night of that and went, I've made a mistake.

18:57that's what's known as a bt sport moment i remember that that going to a sleepover in like you know you can't fall asleep but you wouldn't televise it would you or would you i would if swanny was a sleepover i would it does feel like the stupid stuff you used to do is like i remember i obviously wasn't a kid but i was i was much younger we'd play hot car have you ever played that? no you've got to turn the fans up full blast the highest heat so we'd drive like we'd have a four hour drive yeah we'd have a four hour drive in the middle of summer windows up turn the heat off just to see what and what was the point of it?

19:40everyone's just dripping with sweat just for a laugh oh my god that's I mean that's amazing if the panel was Michael Vaughan, Marcus North and Graham Swan I'm watching it I'm on the Wikipedia obviously of this TV show Shattered and the challenges included cuddling teddy bears listening to a bedtime story in an overheated room they've already nicked your idea Jim oh yeah it's been done there are no new ideas should we continue on and do charisma replacements okay so this came about last week Jimmy you asked Felix for his ideal top seven batters for England for the men's team and Felix said he wanted to pick people that he wanted to hear from which then led to the idea of doing charisma 11s which then led to the idea of having charisma substitutes so the idea being pick the team you want but you get to pick personalities that you hear from in a post-match interview much like a runner that you might have if you've got an injury when you're batting you can pick someone to go out and do your interview for you.

20:44It doesn't have to be Tres Gothic or Jeetan Patel, but it could be. Loads of suggestions for Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer, obviously. Great picks. They'd be in the world 11, the world charisma 11. But lots of other people have gone for it. So someone wanted Steve Carell to be Jacob Bethel's charisma replacement. A shout out for Rowan Atkinson. So Mr. Bean could be Jack Leach's charisma replacement. That's a bit... Mr Bean famously doesn't talk Yeah that's a bit harsh I think So that's Mr Bean sort of doing a bit of comedy Mime or something or doing some slapstick Yeah that'd be quite good instead of An interview just driving In on a armchair on top of his mini

21:29Ben Duckett They want Ricky Gervais to be the charisma replacement Dom Sibley someone said they want David Brent to be the replacement Alan Partridge for Harry Brook Ryan Gosling for Ben Foulkes I guess movie star looks Tim Key could be Joe Root's charisma replacement and someone wants Kimi Raikkonen to be Gus Atkinson's Kimi Raikkonen to be Gus but he's okay that's just like for like isn't it

21:57it's what? like for like isn't it because they just don't and either of them say very much I think the thing is there mixed bag the charisma replacement's thing I like it as I thought That's good, yeah. Particularly the idea of Jack Leach as Mr Bean. Who would Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer in for? They just generally, people just want to hear more from them. Well, we said Bob would be a good Jimmy spokesperson. Because he's also got the charm, the northern charm, I'd say. I would agree with that. It's very much a personal pick, isn't it? Charisma Replacements. What I would just add quickly, while we're talking about the new intake, has anyone heard an interview with Sonny Baker?

22:36Do you know what? I don't know if I have ever heard a Sonny Baker interview. What's your instinct, Jimmy? Good at interview or bad at interview? I think it'd be quite fun. Sonny Baker feels like a fun guy. I think good. Yeah. Yeah, I think good. Okay. Yeah. Emilio Gaye, we've said fun in an interview. He's fantastic. Yeah, he's good. James Rue? I've never heard James Rue speak. I don't know. Okay, well, we'll keep a charisma replacement on standby if needed. Yeah, okay. But, yeah, see what we're given. Last week. Well, Matt Fisher. Oh, no. Fisher, yeah, Fisher. What's he like? He was a Surrey.

23:06Surrey fan? Well, I just know that he did. I know he signs autographs on square leg between overs. That's all I know about him. So I'm going to say very charismatic. You're saying very charismatic or charismatic? I would say charismatic enough to say to my nephew and niece, are you having a good time? And then to sort of gormously just stare back at him while he's signing it. He's conscientious as much as charismatic. Sounds like he's doing sort of an impression of Pitbull. You're having a good time? Yeah, it was a bit. It was a bit like that. Do you know what Sam Cook said? He was like, oh, I'm so sorry.

23:42I was miles away there. That's good. Like he was apologising for being asked for an autograph. I think that's a good sign. Yeah, it was. It was really, yeah, so sorry. Sorry about that. Nodded off. Yeah, yeah. I was just a bit, oh, yeah. Last week, we decided to throw the weight of the entire podcast behind one man. and that man is Chris Lane from the Village Cricket Club Clanfield. Oh yeah. He is our first sponsored player. There is no money to change hands but he requested this from us. He said, I would really like it if you sponsored me this season. We have had an email from someone else. It's anonymous.

24:23They want to remain anonymous. Hi fellow tailenders. After the last podcast was concluded I had to send this email to clarify the proposed sponsorship of Chris Lane from our Village Club Clanfield. I feel he has misled the podcast as he opens the batting, has a good average, normally bowls a lot of his overs and drops a lot of catches. Okay. We feel the approach for sponsorship was misleading and not in tune with the tail enders ethos. To save us at the club dealing with Chris's huge ego, please can you publicly renounce his sponsorship kind of guys? A concerned villager. Wow. He's sold us the impression he's not very good at cricket.

24:58Is that what's happened last week? Yeah. I don't know what to do about this. that's the big decision I think we need to watch some tapes of him playing cricket yeah does he go I've been watching a lot of the news it's tough to know who to believe isn't it yeah I don't know what to believe rumour speculation we've got reporters waiting outside Downing Street we've got people baying for blood but does he go we don't know it seems like it's in the water at the minute problem is you could cancel him and he's you know another teammate could give his entire backing to him next week and then you know It could just go on forever.

25:34Go on forever this, couldn't it? I think we've got to back him. You reckon? Yeah. I think we've got to back him. I think, you know, this is Crawley and we've got to back him. Well, I think it's also like matching. He's phoned the podcast. He's climbed the mountain. He's had the audacity to make that move. So, yeah, I agree. Maybe we honour that. So is he saying it's too good to be sponsored by Tailenders? Too good to be sponsored by Tailenders, yeah. Why don't we keep an eye on his scores and his figures? Great. and if we see if we see some success in the next few weeks he's gone but he's got to fail yeah okay we could could get into match fixing territory here I think just play your natural game Chris and we'll decide whether you're bad enough for us to sponsor you we're gonna need you know like when you have to when you're applying for a bank account or something you have to send you have to send a couple of salary slips through.

26:32We're going to need, I think, three weeks of scorecards. Okay. Please. Yeah, I'll have a bank statement. Yeah, we want some bank statements. Shouldn't it be last year's bank statements, maybe? Can you please send us, that's a great shout, can you please send us screenshots of last year's scorebook? Yeah, yeah. Someone from Clownfield. And you can remain anonymous, you can just drop them off at my house in a brown envelope, and no questions will be up. This is summer at its peak. Whole Foods Market Summer Fruit Fest is your invitation to eat the season. Fresh, organic, and bursting with flavor.

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27:45That's right, Good Bad Billionaire is exploring the life and fortune of football icon Cristiano Ronaldo. That's Good Bad Billionaire from the BBC World Service. Listen now wherever you get your BBC podcasts.

28:04Matching Tendulkar. King of C. Hello. Hello. How you doing, guys? Yeah, good. Good, good, good, good. Busy podcast. Busy podcast. Breaking news. Breaking news. Jimmy came up with a format for a TV show. We've done charisma replacements. we're questioning whether or not we should sack Chris Lane from our books. Can I have a quick question? I haven't got clarity from the first half an hour of this podcast. Has Marcus North selected this squad? I imagine so. Or is he new to the job? Is he doing it because he's only just been announced? It's his team. I think it's his team, surely, isn't it, Jim? Oh, you'd think so, wouldn't you?

28:46Yeah, okay. We picked your first team for you, mate. It'd be weird to pick the team first and then pick a selector after. for sure yeah but he hasn't like just started a job he started a job privately a couple of months ago okay it's quite quite basble to do that yeah guys have you discussed the fact that I tipped James Rue for the top many moons ago no because we knew you'd bring it up immediately no I don't I don't remember this but did he come up on your quizzes or something I do remember I remember this because you tipped the Rue brothers you did but I don't think it wasn't that long ago but I do yes congratulations on your selection.

29:24I know he probably won't open the bat in, but at some point he might. And I've had this song in my head for like 18 months. So this is a kind of gift. Okay. That was matching to Norka there. That's like he's just pulled the plug out of everything. Please leave that in. That's so good. The way he just went down as he was accelerating after his song. It's like he just, that was like, it's like he combusted yeah and another thing