The skin we're in

8 Aug 2025 · 50 min

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In short

Podcast Episode Notes: TED Radio Hour - "The Skin We're In"

Episode Overview

  • Host: Manoush Zomorodi
  • Theme: Explores the role of skin as our largest organ, its importance to our identity, and how technology may alter our interactions with it.
  • Featured Guests:
  • Katherine Kuchenbecker (mechanical engineer)
  • Anna Maria Coclite (materials scientist)
  • Lee Thomas (TV broadcaster)
  • Kathryn Schulz (author)

Key Topics Discussed

The Importance of Skin

  • Functions of Skin:
  • Protects and connects us.
  • Gathers sensory data from the environment.
  • Influences our sense of self and identity.

Technology and Touch

  • Research on Haptics:
  • Katherine Kuchenbecker discusses her work with haptic technology, which aims to incorporate a sense of touch into devices.
  • Examples include smartwatches that can mimic a touch (e.g., a gentle pat or squeeze).
  • Potential Applications:
  • Enhancing long-distance emotional connections (e.g., digital hugs).
  • Improving surgical training with devices that simulate tactile feedback.

The Role of Touch in Human Experience

  • Touch as a Sense:
  • Often underappreciated; crucial for grounding oneself in reality.
  • The loss of touch in modern digital interactions can lead to feelings of disembodiment.

Artificial Skin Development

  • Anna Maria Coclite's Research:
  • Development of artificial skin that can replicate touch, temperature, and humidity sensations.
  • Applications include helping burn victims regain sensation and enhancing robotics for better human-robot interaction.

Personal Narratives on Skin and Identity

  • Lee Thomas's Journey with Vitiligo:
  • A broadcaster diagnosed with vitiligo, discussed the challenges and public scrutiny faced due to changing skin color.
  • Navigated self-acceptance and societal perception issues, ultimately becoming an advocate for understanding and awareness of skin conditions.

Reflections on Regret and Identity

  • Kathryn Schulz's Perspective:
  • Discusses regret, particularly in the context of getting a tattoo.
  • Emphasizes the importance of accepting flaws and the emotional lessons learned from them.

Key Takeaways

  • The Surprisingly Complex Nature of Skin:
  • More than just a barrier, skin is an integral part of how we perceive and interact with the world.
  • Technology's Potential to Enhance Human Connection:
  • Innovations in haptic feedback can help bridge the gap in long-distance relationships and provide new means of communication.
  • The Emotional Weight of Skin-Related Conditions:
  • Personal stories highlight the social and psychological impacts of skin conditions like vitiligo, pushing for increased empathy and understanding.
  • Living with Regret:
  • Regret is universal and can serve as a reminder of our capacity for growth and improvement.

Conclusion The episode "The Skin We're In" delves into the multifaceted roles of skin in our lives, emphasizing the interplay between technology, personal identity, and social perceptions. It encourages listeners to appreciate the significance of touch, understand the challenges of skin-related conditions, and embrace personal narratives of growth and acceptance.

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Transcript

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0:00This message comes from AT &T. Staying connected matters. That's why AT &T has connectivity you can depend on. or they'll proactively make it right. That's the AT &T Guarantee. Terms and conditions apply. Visit att.com slash guarantee for details. This is the TED Radio Hour. Each week, groundbreaking TED Talks. Our job now is to dream big. Delivered at TED conferences. To bring about the future we want to see. Around the world. To understand who we are. From those talks, we bring you speakers and ideas that will surprise you. You just don't know what you're going to find. Challenge you. We truly have to ask ourselves, like, why is it noteworthy?

0:44And even change you. I literally feel like I'm a different person. Yes. Do you feel that way? Ideas worth spreading. From TED and NPR, I'm Manoush Zomorodi. Many of us, most of us, are used to getting notifications on our phones and smartwatches all day long. Pings, vibrations that we quickly learn to ignore. But what if your device communicated to you in a completely different way? This device kind of more feels like a person reaching out. And you can imagine it like a smartwatch. This is researcher Katherine Kuchenbecker. In her lab, she works at the forefront of haptics, inventing ways to add a sense of touch to our technology, making it feel more responsive, tactile, maybe even alive.

1:43A smart watch, so just like a rectangle that's three centimeters by three centimeters, like one inch by one inch about. And when we send it a command, it will extend and go down and touch your skin. So imagine I reach over and just gently touch your arm. It's soft, so it feels very pleasant. It can touch you, make contact, and then it can press harder. And it can also vibrate. It can make all kinds of different signals on your skin. Can I, just to sort of understand it more, I'm picturing wearing like an Apple watch, but maybe it pokes me some of the hours. Maybe it touches me and presses down gently some of the other hours.

2:26Maybe it does the regular vibration other hours. But this could be useful to me in that I ignore touch when it becomes habitual. Indeed. So just like you choose which alarm you want to use to wake up in the morning, you could choose how do you want your devices to notify you that it's time to stand up. So I have a few people in my team who live far away from their partner. And maybe this is creepy, but maybe you could send not just a little buzz, but like a pat or eventually a caress or a congratulatory one, like a high five that comes in over your chat. Or I don't know, maybe something else. A hug.

3:09What would a hug feel like if my wristband could give me a digital hug? I'm picturing you call the grandparents on Zoom, but you also have a place where kids can put their hand and they can hold hands with their grandparents who are half a world away. Indeed, that's a personal connection to supplement or augment video chat. is definitely one thing. You could have like a zone on your phone or on a touchscreen where you could feel some haptic signals. You could kiss someone on the screen. One could. I haven't, we haven't prototyped that or tested it yet. I mean, I'm sure people will try all kinds of things.

3:52Is it fair to say that despite the fact that we have touch screens, we actually use that sense, that sense of touch far less than maybe we did before the digital age. I mean, I'm just thinking about all the hours I spend looking at a screen, touching nothing, taking it all in with my eyes and ears. That's a very insightful comment. And so touchscreens feel our touch. They vibrate, and that's good for getting your attention or telling you something happened. But touch has so many other facets and those dimensions are really all missing from the interactions that we have. Is that problematic? Do you feel that in the last two decades or so that's become more of an issue for people that they are less, well, I suppose disembodied in some way because they're using the sense of touch less in their daily lives?

4:48I do. Touch is, I would argue, our most important sense and also the most unappreciated because we have it so consistently. We can rely on it every day. In some ways, it is us. It's our body. Touch often grounds us to reality. It lets you know, let me reach out and pinch myself or touch this thing. Am I here? Where am I? What is real? What is not? So when virtual worlds don't have anything you can feel or screens feel my sensation and show me different materials, but I can't actually feel a digital representation of those materials, that's a disconnect and something that we are working to improve on.

5:31Through touch and temperature, your skin is constantly taking in signals from inside and outside your body in a uniquely personal way. And yet, our skin is the most public part of the body too. It's always on display. How do we use our body's largest organ to interpret the world? And how does the world use it to interpret us? Well, today on the show, the skin we're in. From cutting edge technology to personal journeys of self-acceptance. Ideas about the role our skin plays in our lives now and how technology may change it. So back to Katherine Kuchenbecker. Today, she's a director at the Max Planck Institute for Intelligent Systems in Stuttgart, Germany.

6:23But her work on haptics started about 25 years ago as a Ph.D. student. I really started getting interested in touch when I started working on my Ph.D. with my advisor, Gunter Niemeyer, at Stanford. And he had helped invent the DaVinci surgical robot, which allows surgeons to remote control these long, thin instruments that reach inside of patients and do minimally invasive surgery. and he posed this problem of how can we let the surgeon who's controlling this robot feel what the surgeon is touching across the room because we both intuitively had this feeling that making surgeons do operations without being able to feel is going to make it more difficult so when the surgeon is moving his or her hands and is touching things if they don't feel anything let's say they're pulling on a suture to try to tighten a knot.

7:14If they can't feel how tight they're tying that knot, just like if you were trying to tie your shoes but your hands are numb, you may accidentally not tighten it tight enough. Or you might pull too hard and tear the suture in the patient's skin. Or you might bump into something and not realize that you hurt it or damaged the tissue. So Catherine and the team started thinking beyond push and pull and considering all the other messages that the skin takes in through touch. Your sense of touch is actually much broader than only forces. You can also feel where something is touching you on your skin.

7:51You can feel temperature getting warmer, colder. You can feel vibrations. So similar to how your ears can hear, can hear fast vibrations, your skin can actually feel vibrations up to 1000 hertz or 1000 cycles in a second. And that's much faster. You can only move your hand back and forth, like maybe one or two or three times in a second. But if you take two objects and you hit them together, they cause vibrations that you can feel and that signal to your brain, oh, you hit something, stop, or that was a little violent, or you hit the end of the rope. When a scalpel cuts through tissue or a needle pushes through the skin, there's a vibration between the two materials.

8:33The researchers realized that they could measure those vibrations and then simulate them with motors, making virtual surgery feel real. We could have a source of really rich, interesting information, and then we could very easily play these signals for the surgeons. Their right hand could feel the vibrations of the right instrument, and the left tool could feel the vibrations of the left instrument, and it's almost like their fingers were on the instruments themselves. The tool is only used for teaching surgeons how to operate. It's not actually used on humans. But Catherine says it speeds up the training process immensely.

9:10The cool thing is it feels very natural. They don't have to learn some like artificial touch language. They didn't have to do any extra learning. They just immediately start operating, moving much more like an expert, like being more careful and more precise and not being so violent because once you can feel, you can automatically correct for accidents or collisions that are a little more violent. Or if you were supposed to hit something and you missed it, you didn't quite get it, then you feel that. So again, we're able to let the surgeon or the person learning how to be a surgeon close the loop and feel the consequences of the motion so that they can move more precisely.

9:49These days, Catherine and her PhD students are developing all kinds of haptic technology, making touchscreens that feel textured, creating virtual reality gloves that make it possible to feel what you see, and building robots like HuggyBot. It was motivating. My PhD student at the time, Alexis Block, she and I were both living far from our families and wishing, wow, wouldn't it be amazing if we could just, like, when you're having a bad day, just like your mom or your dad could send you a hug, or maybe you want to send your sister or your brother or your kid a hug to give them some support, like that physical, warm, soft embrace that often just helps calm you down and know you're not alone.

10:36So we had the idea of creating a hugging robot, and it was named Huggybot eventually. In a video done at the lab, you can see a robot wearing a purple sweatshirt with a screen for a head, smiling and asking, can I have a hug, please? Their arms outstretched. Most robots in the world are not things you would ever want to hug. Many of them are pretty dangerous and you should stay far away from them because they could actually really severely hurt you. And even robots that are maybe safe to be around people, they usually have hard outer surfaces and they're cold and that makes them not very pleasant.

11:17So Huggybot is soft and warm and responds to how you touch it. We found out it's really important first that the robot let go of you when you're ready to end the hug. No one likes a robot or a person who hugs too long. Creepy. Yeah, definitely creepy. We even did that in the study. We had the robot hold on five seconds too long to prove that it's really important that the robot can feel when to let go. But then we realized there was this whole other level of the language of an embrace where if your partner squeezes you, it's nice to squeeze back. Or if they pat you, maybe you rub them on the back.

11:56Like there's a call and response, like a communication in this touch interaction. And so then we worked on giving Huggybot a sense of touch that would let it feel these intra-hug gestures, what the person it was hugging was doing. And so So we custom made it. It's an inflated torso, kind of like a beach toy. And inside, we put a pressure sensor that can measure the air pressure inside of Huggy Bot. Because when you squeeze it, that pressure goes up. But then we also added a microphone. And these two sensors are just in there listening inside of Huggy Bot's body. And then it can feel and hear through the microphone when you pat it or you rub it.

12:40their characteristic sounds, the haptic contraction on the robot's back, that we can figure, measure those things. And we can in real time, so we have little windows of data. We have a little machine learning algorithm that figures out with pretty high reliability, oh, that was a pat, that was a squeeze, that was a rub, or the user didn't do anything. So to give the robot some understanding of what's happening to its body during the embrace. When we come back, how humans reacted when Huggybot gave them a big embrace. On the show today, the skin we're in. I'm Manoush Zomorodi, and you're listening to the TED Radio Hour from NPR.

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15:19It's the TED Radio Hour from NPR. I'm Manoush Zomorodi. On the show today, the skin we're in. And we've been talking to Katherine Kuchenbecker. She is an expert in haptics, how we can interact with our technology through touch, from our smartphones to robots like Huggybot. A robot built by Catherine and her PhD student to, yes, hug people. Huggybot knows when to embrace. It knows when to let go. It can pat, rub, and squeeze. But do people actually like being hugged by a robot? We had people try the robot. And this is why experiments are really important. We guess that if they patted the robot, they would want the robot to pat.

16:05Or if they did nothing, they would want the robot to do nothing. But that's actually not at all what we found. First of all, if people did something to the robot, like padded it and it did nothing, they did not like that. They thought that was a very rude robot that was kind of dissing them or ignoring them. So it was very important that the robot would respond. The second important thing was when people were just standing there hugging the robot and it spontaneously padded them or squeezed them or rubbed them, they really liked it. They liked it. They liked it. People really loved it, especially when the robot would squeeze them.

16:40It made people feel like this robot loves me. This robot cares about me. And of course, you know, it's just a robot, but it evokes this like, oh, wow, I feel supported. And so we actually then programmed HuggyBot that when there's periods of silence in the embrace, like nothing's happening, the robot will proactively squeeze you. So, you know, it's thinking about you. And people really, people really like this, but it's still important to let go when the person wants to let go. When the person lets go, robot always lets go. It feels like we're at this point where we are developing, some people are developing relationships with artificial intelligence, which is still based on vision, text, or also more artificial voices talking.

17:23But the next chapter of that seems to be communication based on our skin, our sense of touch, and the emotion that can be imparted with that. But then I think also people will worry that we think that we can substitute real human touch with this new kind of technology. It definitely comes up. Actually, we were surprised. We did a later study that's not published where we compared hugging our robot with hugging a real human. And in some ways, people preferred hugging the robot, although it doesn't feel as comfortable. They didn't have to worry about whether the woman we'd hired to give hugs was enjoying hugging them.

18:08They could hug the robot as long as they wanted to. So it's just like a one-sided interaction and you don't have to stress about, is this woman who's been hired to hug me, is she really enjoying this hug as much as I am? A sense of touch that delivers an emotion to you without any expectation of returning an emotion. Yeah. I mean, we are absolutely not trying to replace humans. Like a hug from someone you know and care about is going to always be, I think, better than a hug from any robot. But here we were comparing to hugging a stranger or like a friendly person who you don't know. I mean, we actually had already stressed out the people and then they knew that her job was there to give you hugs.

18:49But my job as a researcher, our job is to ask questions, figure things out, be honest about what we find and report them so that other scientists can read about that, learn from what we learned about and figure out what to do going forward. to adapt technology to help people, to help society. That was Katherine Kuchenbecker. She's a director at the Max Planck Institute for Intelligence Systems in Stuttgart, Germany, where she leads the haptic intelligence team. You can see her talk at TED.com. On the show today, the skin we're in. And now a different angle on touch and technology. We want to turn to the idea of artificial skin.

19:33technology being developed to mimic this all-important organ. This research is in its very early days, because replicating the sensations that our skin sends to our brain is extremely difficult. So the skin is a complex system where there are a lot of things that are actually all working together at the same time. This is Anna Maria Coclita. She is a materials scientist who spent the last decade trying to replicate skin. The actual idea of creating artificial skin isn't new. It's been around since the 1980s, often used for burn victims. But there is something missing from today's artificial skin.

20:19There is the possibility to reconstruct the skin, more or less, that it kind of looks similar to before the burn. but still the sensation is lost. The warmth of your coffee cup in the morning, water running through your hands as you wash them, or all the different textures you touch, smooth, rough, soft, or sharp. All of those sensations are captured by your skin's receptors. We have receptors that are for strong touch, light touch that is for the temperature. We have millions of receptors. And all day long, those millions of receptors are bombarded with all kinds of information. And then they transmit this information through electrical stimuli to the brain, thanks to the nerves, nerve connections.

21:14So it's a very complex system. And because the skin is so complex, replicating all those sensations has been really difficult until now. This is a piece of skin, of artificial skin. Here's Anna Maria Coklita on the TED stage, where she unveiled smart skin. We have, for the first time, produced an artificial skin that can respond to three stimuli. Touch, so force, temperature, and humidity. And it can do this also at an unprecedented resolution. So it's a very tiny device and so this means that it can sense objects that are actually smaller than the objects that can be sensed with our skin. So first of all, imagine burns victims.

22:13If the burn is very deep, this burns up until the lower level of the epidermis and this makes patients lose sensation. If one could make completely artificial skin, then this artificial skin could be applied as a patch in the area where there is the burn and give back the sensation to the people who have lost it. So let's talk about what you're doing in your lab. If I came into your lab and you showed it to me, what would I see? This artificial skin is actually thinner than the cross section of a hair. So it's basically impossible to see and impossible to really feel it when you touch it. So it takes the properties and the characteristics of the support material.

23:12So if we deposited on top of a glove, it will look like a glove. We have even deposited on top of these transferable tattoos, you know, the type that kids use. And then what you see is just really the tattoo paper. So it's so tiny that you don't see it and you don't feel it, but it takes the shape of the support material. The artificial skin is made of a bunch of nanoscopic cylinders. This is the architecture of the artificial skin. So we are really able to control the sickness and the chemical composition of a material at an atomic level. The inner core of each cylinder is filled with a polymer that gets bigger when exposed to a stimuli.

24:04Like touch, temperature, and humidity. And the outer part of the cylinder is made of something called piezoelectric material. A piezoelectric material is a material that, when it is compressed, produces electricity. So when the cylinder is touched or exposed to heat, for example, the polymer on the inside kind of puffs up and compresses the material on the outside. And boom. This produces an electric current. From there. Each of these cylinders could be connected to a series of electrodes. And then we measure the electricity at each of these locations. And similar to how our own skin sends information about what it's feeling to our brains?

24:51The artificial skin sends information to a computer. And that's where we read this electric signal. But then, you know, this signal can also be transmitted wirelessly to, for example, a neuroprosthetic. And this is how we actually intend to transmit it to the brain. But that will be a future development. You mentioned prosthetics. How would smart skin be an added value, I guess, or be important to someone who needs to wear a prosthetic? Yeah, so with this type of artificial skin, when this would be added to a prosthesis, we could produce electrical signals that could send directly the information, could either stimulate the rest of the arm or of the leg, or they could transmit the information to a neuroprosthesis in the brain and then help the patient recognize also the characteristics of the objects.

26:02So if they had a prosthetic foot, they would know if they were walking on hot gravel or... Yes, exactly. So a prosthetic hand, for example, would feel if the patient is holding a hot cup or a cold bottle of beer and would feel the difference. Another interesting field of application would be robotics. Nowadays, humanoid robots are used in many fields, for example, in medicine, but also in household. And these robots are exposed to several stimuli, several interactions with the environment and with the humans. And sometimes they have too many inputs at the same time. And this is the reason number one for robot failure.

26:55So imagine a future where actually a robot could be a bit more sensitive, a bit smarter. This would lead also to a higher safety of this technology. I mean, would that be, this sounds kind of like science fiction, but in the future that you have a burn and you just put on like a temporary tattoo over that part and it connects to your body? Something like that, yes. It could be a temporary tattoo or a patch that can be applied on the body, and then there could be a different way of detecting the electrical signals. It could be even that it is just connected to an app on the smartphone, and then maybe the app is, I don't know, sending a message, a warning, a sound, if the temperature goes above a certain level.

27:47There could be different options. In terms of the drawbacks to this, I can only imagine this is expensive? Well, yes and no, actually. In the sense that the instruments to deposit these materials are expensive at the beginning, but then the amount of material that is produced is so tiny that when you do a calculation per centimeter squared, the price is not that high. Oh, interesting. Okay, so this could be something that is accessible to people. Yes, that's where we would like really to keep it accessible to people. It's a challenge. And therefore, it's an interesting project, you know, from the scientific point of view, from the technological point of view.

28:37And yeah, this is what keeps me going. That's Anna Maria Coklita. She's a material scientist and a professor in the Department of Physics at the University of Bari in Italy. You can see her full talk at TED.com. So that's the tech side of skin and touch. But let's talk about the human side. We all want to feel good in our own skin. But for those of us who appear on camera, the pressure to look a certain way can also feel intense. Yes. It's a very cosmetic business. It's not just voice, it's a picture as well. And you do have to be presentable, what my mom used to say. You have to be presentable.

29:24This is Lee Thomas. I am an anchor and entertainment reporter, and I've been broadcasting on television since 1991. Woo! Yep. Long time. Yeah. From a very young age, Lee had always dreamt about being on TV. Where I came from, my example of television was this little boy named Rodney Allen Rippey. Hi, I'm Rodney Allen Rippey. He had a commercial back in the 70s. Pass with the kids, crank up the car, do you jack in the boat? He was a little black dude, and I said, hey, I can do that. I can talk on TV. Lee Thomas joins us now with some helpful hints. By his mid-20s, that dream was coming true. Yeah.

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30:11I was at WABC in New York, the number one station. I was on the number one newscast, the 5 p.m. I was the entertainment reporter on that newscast, and it's the highest-rated local newscast in the country. Talk about stress. Despite his fast-paced schedule, Lee felt like things were going well. But then one day, he noticed a mark on his hand. It looked like a freckling of light color on my hand. So I didn't really pay attention to it. I figured I hit my hand. It would, you know, it would fix itself. Later, the barber pointed out a spot on the back of Lee's head. And that was about the size of a quarter.

30:54So I immediately did what any grown man would do at the age of about 25 or 26. I immediately called my mom. And my mom said it was a stress mark and that it would go away. But it didn't. More spots started appearing on Lee's skin. I had like three on my hand. I had two on my scalp. And then I had some in the corners of my mouth, about the size of a dime on each corner of my mouth. And that's when I went to a doctor and was diagnosed with vitiligo. What did the doctor tell you? Had you heard of vitiligo before? Never. Never heard of it. And when he said it, I didn't know what he was talking about.

31:40He said, you have vitiligo. It's a pigment disorder. It takes the pigment out of your skin. And then it turned into, you know, Charlie Brown's teacher.

31:54He said vitiligo is an autoimmune disorder, like rheumatoid arthritis or lupus, where your body attacks itself. In the case of Idiligo, your body attacks the melanocytes, which are the pigment-producing cells in your skin. And they destroy them. So you basically are without pigment. How did you react? Do you remember? Yeah. So my head's spinning. You know what I mean? I was a young guy in New York on a great newscast, you know, having a great time. And I didn't know how to process it. And I'm walking to work talking to myself. I mean, what's going to happen now? Am I going to turn all the way white?

32:38Am I going to still have a job? And the most popular person at the time was Michael Jackson. And Michael Jackson said he had vitiligo. Okay, number one, this is the situation. I have a skin disorder that destroys the pigmentation of the skin. It's something that I cannot help. And Michael Jackson also lost all of his pigment. When Michael Jackson was a boy, he was a black kid. And now as an adult, he looks like a white man. That's ignorance. What do you mean? I don't control the fact that I have vitiligo. I was afraid that I was going to be that dude that was black one day and white the other on television.

33:20And I really didn't know how to handle it. In a minute, how Lee Thomas navigated his vitiligo diagnosis and got comfortable in his own skin. On the show today, the skin we're in. I'm Manoush Zomorodi, and you're listening to the TED Radio Hour from NPR. We'll be right back.

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35:20It's a place to grow. Learn more at walmart.com slash spark. It's the TED Radio Hour from NPR. I'm Manoush Zomorodi. We were just talking to TV news anchor Lee Thomas about living with vitiligo, a condition that causes the skin to lose its pigment. When he got his diagnosis back in the 1990s, Lee felt shame and embarrassment. He was in the public eye and wasn't sure how he would deal with it. Here he is picking up his story from the TED stage. I just couldn't give up. I couldn't quit. So I decided to just put on makeup and keep it moving. I had to wear makeup anyway. It's TV, baby. Right? I just put on a little more makeup and everything's cool.

36:13And that actually went very well for years. I went from being a reporter in New York City to being a morning show anchor in Detroit. And as the disease got worse, I just put on more makeup. It was easy, except for my hands. See, this disease is progressive and ever-changing. That means it comes and goes. At one point, for about a year and a half, my face was completely white. And then, with a little help, some of the pigment came back. but living through this process was like two sides of a coin. When I'm at work and I'm wearing the makeup or wearing the makeup outside and I'm the TV guy, hey, how you doing everybody?

37:06Great. At home without the makeup, I take it off and it was like being a leper. The stares constantly staring at me, the comments under their breath. it was tough and those were some tough years like one time this little girl wasn't paying attention she's about two or three years old she's running she runs directly into my leg and falls down pretty hard i thought she hurt herself so i reach out to try and you know help the little girl and she looks at my vitiligo and she screams. Now kids are pure honesty. This little girl, she wasn't trying to be mean. She didn't have any malice in her heart.

37:56She was just afraid. I stayed in the house for two weeks and three days on that one. it took me a second to get my mind around the fact that I scare small children and that was something that I could not smile away

38:19it seems like that was a particularly low point for you when it came to people's reactions and and how you think of yourself in your own body, how did you get out of it? It was tough because the truth of the matter is, and it's a tough sentence to say, I scared small children. That is a tough thing to get your mind around. But how did I get out of it? I was watching Oprah in my basketball bag, like my gym bag with my basketball shoes on my basketball, or right by the TV, and I decide that I am, I just want to be okay for like, you know, an hour. I just don't want somebody to say squat about my skin for an hour, just one hour.

39:10And when I go play basketball, the dudes that I play basketball with have seen my skin change over the years. They know exactly what's happening, and they don't care, as long as I make my jump shot. And so I went to the gym. Dudes were like, where you been? They didn't care. I played, had a great time. And I went and took the shower and, you know, like normal, like it was normal. And I say, you know, bye to the guys at the desk on the way out. See you fellas next time, blah, blah, blah. Oh, my God. It was like breathing. You know what I mean? It's like breathing. It was normal again. It sounds like you also reconnected with your body.

39:49You appreciated what it could do. It could sweat. It could play. It could have a jump shot. It could take a hot shower. It could feel good and not just thinking about your appearance, which, you know, can be so tedious. Yeah, and I realized that what was happening to my body didn't stop everything that my body can do. My body had this disease vitiligo that wasn't painful, wasn't life-threatening. I was the one that's stopping movement and the other things that my body could do. eventually you wrote a memoir in 2007 about your experience living with vitiligo i mean and you would think lee that since then things have changed we have a supermodel winnie harlow who has vitiligo we talk about body positivity in society and people feeling good in their own bodies but at the same time i guess we still live in a place that is incredibly well i was judgmental, but maybe it's just uneducated?

40:52Both, yeah. I was the first person that I know of that started talking about vitiligo openly. Even Michael Jackson didn't like talking about it, so people would interview me and ask me about him. But I wrote a book, and the Smithsonian got a copy of my book to put it in the Smithsonian Institute because there was not a book on this before. And so I realized one thing very quickly, is that I am a man with vitiligo who can articulate his journey very well. And talking about Vidlago is, besides my daughter, one of the most things I am most proud of. It's an interesting place to be in society right now because people are less tolerant of each other.

41:35But at the same time, I feel like we're leading to a place where we all can come together in understanding. And I think identity is big, big, big. Because for me, when I first would walk down the hallway without my makeup on here at work, people were not able to look me in the eye, but I kept doing it until they were used to it. And then we're having conversations, and it's not the conversation. It's just, oh, Lee doesn't have his makeup on yet. It was normalized. So, Lee, I do have to ask, you still choose to wear makeup on air. What is your thinking behind that choice? And I guess, do you think you'd ever get to the point where you'd say, you know what, I am going on camera, I am going to do the news, and I am going to look exactly as I do when I'm not on TV.

42:27No makeup. For me, I don't know, you know. I know that even if you don't have Ligo, everybody puts on makeup to even out their skin. white, black, everybody. It's something that people do for television. And even if I didn't put on this brown makeup, I would have to put on something because I have oily skin. I don't know if I'm ever going to stop putting on them. I think I'll stop doing TV and then I'll just stop wearing the makeup. For me, especially now, I'm proud to be an African American. I'm proud of my heritage and it's most identified with darker skin, brown skin. And I like that, you know, for an hour a day, five days a week, I get to be brown.

43:20Like I get to be the way I was born. I get to be that. Now, is it me? Yes. And when I take off the makeup, you know what? That's also me too. That's broadcast journalist Lee Thomas. His book is called Turning White, a memoir of change. And you can see his full talk at TED.com. So a lot of changes to our body happen slowly and naturally. But that is not the case if you choose to get a tattoo. In the U.S., about a third of adults now have a tattoo. That's some 86 million Americans who made a change to their body that is typically permanent. One of those people is the writer Katherine Schultz. For her, the tattoo she got had significance, but not the one she'd intended.

44:11Here she is on the TED stage back in 2011. I first started thinking about getting it in my mid-20s, but I deliberately waited a really long time. because we all know people who've gotten tattoos when they were 17 or 19 or 23 and regretted it by the time they were 30. That didn't happen to me. I got my tattoo when I was 29, and I regretted it instantly. And by regretted it, I mean that I stepped outside of the tattoo place. This is just a couple miles from here, down on the Lower East Side. and I had a massive emotional meltdown in broad daylight on the corner of East Broadway and Canal Street, which is a great place to do it because nobody cares.

44:59And then I went home that night and I had an even larger emotional meltdown, which I'll say more about in a minute. And this was all actually quite shocking to me because prior to this moment, I had prided myself on having absolutely no regrets. Now, I had made a lot of mistakes and dumb decisions, of course. I do that hourly. But I had always felt like, look, you know, I mean, I made the best choice I could make given who I was then, given the information I had on hand. I learned a lesson from it. It somehow got me to where I am in life right now. And okay, I wouldn't change it. In other words, I had drunk our great cultural Kool-Aid about regret, which is that lamenting things that occurred in the past is an absolute waste of time that we should always look forward and not backward, and that one of the noblest and best things we can do is strive to live a life free of regrets.

45:53This idea is nicely captured by this quote. Things without all remedy should be without regard. What's done is done. This seems like kind of an admirable philosophy at first, something we might all agree to sign on to, until I tell you who said it. Right, so this is Lady basically telling her husband to stop being such a wuss for feeling bad about murdering people. And as it happened, Shakespeare was onto something here, as he generally was, because I think you need to learn to live not without regret but with it. So let's start out by defining some terms. What is regret? Regret is the emotion we experience when we think that our present situation could be better or happier if we had done something different in the past.

46:40So in other words, regret requires two things. It requires, first of all, agency. We had to make a decision in the first place. And second of all, it requires imagination. We need to be able to imagine going back and making a different choice. And then we need to be able to kind of spool this imaginary record forward and imagine how things would be playing out in our present. And in fact, the more we have of either of these things, the more agency and the more imagination with respect to a given regret, the more acute that regret will be. So let's say for instance that you're on your way to your best friend's wedding, and you're trying to get to the airport and you're stuck in terrible traffic and you finally arrive at your gate and you've missed your flight.

47:19You're going to experience more regret in that situation if you missed your flight by three minutes than if you missed it by 20. Why? Well, because if you miss your flight by three minutes, it is painfully easy to imagine that you could have made different decisions that would have led to a better outcome. I should have taken the bridge and not the tunnel. I should have gone through that yellow light. these are the classic conditions that create regret we feel regret when we think we are responsible for a decision that came out badly but almost came out well what does that experience feel like well we all know the short answer right it feels terrible regret feels awful and I think it's particularly painful for us now in the west in the grips of what I sometimes think of as a control Z culture.

48:07Control Z like the computer command, undo. We're incredibly used to not having to face life's hard realities in a certain sense. We think we can throw money at the problem or throw technology at the problem. We can undo and unfriend and unfollow. And the problem is that there are certain things that happen in life that we desperately want to change And we cannot. Sometimes instead of control Z, we actually have zero control. And for those of us who are control freaks and perfectionists, and I know whereof I speak, this is really hard because we want to do everything ourselves and we want to do it right.

48:47So how are we supposed to live with this? I want to suggest that there's three things that help us to make our peace with regret. And the first of these is to take some comfort in its universality. If you Google regret and tattoo, you will get 11.5 million hits. The FDA estimates that of all the Americans who have tattoos, 17 % of us regret getting them. That is Johnny Depp and me and our 7 million friends. And that's just regret about tattoos. The second way that we can help make our peace with regret is to laugh at ourselves. now in my case this really wasn't a problem because it's actually very easy to laugh at yourself when you're 29 years old and you want your mommy because you don't like your new tattoo but it might seem like a kind of cool or glib suggestion when it comes to these more profound regrets i don't think that's the case though all of us who've experienced regret that contains real pain and real grief, understand that humor and even black humor plays a crucial role in helping us survive.

49:57It connects the poles of our lives back together, the positive and the negative, and it sends a little current of life back into us. The third way that I think we can help make our peace with regret is through the passage of time, which as we know heals all wounds, except for tattoos which are permanent. So it's been several years since I got my own tattoo and do you guys just want to see it? Actually, you know what? I should warn you. You're going to be disappointed because it's actually not that hideous. Some of your own regrets are also not as ugly as you think they are. I got this tattoo because I spent most of my 20s living outside of the country and traveling and when I came and settled in New York afterwards, I was worried that I would forget some of the most important lessons that I learned during that time.

50:49Specifically, the two things I learned about myself that I most didn't want to forget was how important it felt to keep exploring and simultaneously how important it is to somehow keep an eye on your own true north. And what I loved about this image of the compass was that I felt like it encapsulated both of these ideas in one simple image. And I thought it might serve as a kind of permanent mnemonic device. Well, it did. But it turns out it doesn't remind me of the thing I thought it would. It reminds me constantly of something else instead. It actually reminds me of the most important lesson regret can teach us, which is also one of the most important lessons life teaches us.

51:30And ironically, I think it's probably the single most important thing I possibly could have tattooed onto my body. if we have goals and dreams and we want to do our best and if we love people and we don't want to hurt them or lose them we should feel pain when things go wrong. The point isn't to live without any regrets. The point is to not hate ourselves for having them. The lesson that I ultimately learned from my tattoo and that I want to leave you with today is this. We need to learn to love the flawed, imperfect things that we create and to forgive ourselves for creating them. Regret doesn't remind us that we did badly.

52:20It reminds us that we know we can do better. Thank you. That was author Catherine Schultz. She writes for The New Yorker, and her most recent book is called Lost and Found. Thank you so much for listening to our show this week. The episode was produced by James Delahousie, Rachel Faulkner-White, Katie Monteleone, and Matthew Cloutier. It was edited by Sana Zmeshkanpour and me. Our production staff at NPR also includes Fiona Guerin and Harsha Nahada. Our executive producer is Irene Noguchi. Our audio engineers were Jimmy Keely and Robert Rodriguez. Our theme music was written by Ramtin Arablewe.

53:00Our partners at TED are Chris Anderson, Roxanne Hylash, Alejandra Salazar, and Daniela Ballarezzo. I'm Manoush Zomorodi, and you've been listening to the TED Radio Hour from NPR.

53:30with your own design studio, with hundreds of ready-to-use templates. Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store to match your brand's style. If you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify. Sign up for your$1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com slash NPR. This message comes from NPR sponsor Fixable, a podcast from TED. Hear unfiltered expert advice from CEO Ann Morris and Harvard business professor Francis Fry on how to build, regain, and maintain your confidence. Find Fixable wherever you listen.

From the publisher
Our skin protects us, connects us, and constantly gathers data about the world around us. This hour, we explore how skin shapes our sense of self and how tech might change the way we touch and feel. Guests include mechanical engineer Katherine Kuchenbecker, materials scientist Anna Maria Coclite, TV broadcaster Lee Thomas and author Kathryn Schulz.

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