7 Step Framework for Excellent Communication: A Journey of Growth from Renee Marino

0:00And I looked at the casting director in the eyes and I said I was really hoping to come in and read for the role of Mary Delgado. So I do the audition. Two weeks later, my agent calls me, you're Mary Delgado in the movie. Clint Eastwood loves you. And I was like, oh. Renee Marino is going to blow you away today. Everything from what she learned from Clint Eastwood right through to how she got the job of being on a Broadway stage, being on a Vegas stage, doing Pretty Woman, doing the Jersey Boys, you name it, she played that act. Author of the bestselling book, Master Communicator, Renee Marino.

0:32If I didn't speak up in the audition room that day, I could have missed my once in a lifetime opportunity. Talk from the heart because speaking up is your superpower. Let's dive in with Renee Marino. So Renee, your definition of success, how do you see it? Doing what you love and making money while doing it. I really do that. Baby, that is success. Getting to do that thing that lights you up, that fires you up, and you get a paycheck. I mean, that's a win-win. And funny enough, Brad, years ago when I was pursuing my Broadway career and I was 21 years old and I got my first professional job as the lead singer in a casino show in Biloxi, Mississippi, I'll never forget getting my first paycheck.

1:23And I call my mom from the balcony of my hotel room and I'm overlooking the Gulf and I go, mom, I just got paid to do what I love. I just got paid to do my hobby. This is amazing. And that feeling for me was just, was just, wow, I want to, I want to do this for the rest of my life. And I also believe that success is laying your head down on the pillow at night and feeling beautifully exhausted because you used up all your energy on doing that thing. Yeah. When do you think in life you chose success? Was it a young girl? Was it at that 21? Was it later in life? Like where did you choose success as your performance standard?

2:06Definitely when I was a little girl. I can remember being about five years old and I was always a perfectionist from the time I was a little girl. And when I was in kindergarten, if you remember, I don't know if this is how it was when where you grew up, but like you were learning how to write your ABCs and they had those big lines and you'd have to write the letter A and then B. And I remember doing it and then erasing it because I didn't think it was perfect and then doing it again and then erasing it. Yes, I would end up in tears. And the only one who could calm me down was my father. And I just remember always having this drive within me to want to be successful.

2:50And for me, even as a little girl, that meant making my parents proud, being the one in my family who helped everybody as much as I could. It's interesting because I remember that from such a young age. Yeah. Yeah. I remember as a kid also thinking about everything that my parents thought was most important. And I remember also then thinking in the high school-ish years, what my friends thought was most important. And then I realized, hang on, it's what I think's most important is actually the reality. How did you transition through that? Was the acting, was doing the movies? Where did that transition come for you?

3:27The transition from realizing that it was about myself, you mean? Yeah, I have to give all compliments to my parents. I was very blessed to grow up in a very loving home with my mom, my dad, my grandmother, who was like my second mother, and my older brother. And we were always extremely loving, communicative. And from the time I was very young, my father always told me, Renee, you always have to be true and stay true to yourself. The world is going to try to change you. The world's going to try to knock you down. But you always stay true to who you are and everything else will fall into place.

4:08So thank goodness I was grounded from that young age through his advice. and that really just had helped to shape me for the rest of my life. So if you think about that, your family gave you a lot of the foundations of success. Do you now have like a formula for success or do you have like a, you got to, you know, not just work hard, you got to do like, do you have a thing? These are the components of success. I believe that having work life harmony is key. You have to have that at least for myself, Everybody's different. But if I am not balancing my work days with those times with my family, last night I was in New York City seeing a Broadway show with my friends.

4:51I have to have that because that's what allows me to keep and maintain that success. Otherwise, we can burn out. Otherwise, it's easy to just keep thinking about all the things that you have to get done and the things you have to do. It never ends, right? Because once you do one thing, then 10 other things are on your to-do list. So really having that work-life harmony. And for me, what I do now is really help people to communicate more effectively, to create genuine connections that lead to opportunity. So as far as success in that sense, I have a seven-step connect method, which helps people to do that simply and effectively.

5:34And that's something that's been really, really beneficial for my clients. I'm going to come to that connect story in a second. I want to go back though a little way. Getting Broadway, let's talk Broadway just for a second, right? Obviously, there's a lot of no's on the way to the yes. Tell me more about that process and how you dealt with that, like mentally or emotionally. How do you do that? Brad, it is no joke. And that's why I believe the entertainment industry, being a musical theater artist, Broadway, is one of the hardest industries in the world because it is more rejection than anything else.

6:15And the rejection in this industry feels so personal, right? Renee, you're too short. Renee, you look too Italian. Renee, you're not ethnic enough. I mean, when you talk about rejections, I have faced thousands upon thousands of rejections. And it all goes back to what I shared with you, that foundation of staying grounded and who you are. And it's funny because step two of my connect method is owning who you are. And that's what it's about being so clear on who you are. How did you find that though? I know your parents gave you a head start on helping find who you are, but how did you, did you define it?

6:53Did you find it? Did you create it? What was your methodology? Yeah. Well, so much, you know, we're, we're, we are shaped so deeply from the time we're young, right? I think they say up until, you know, up until the age of seven or eight. I mean, those are such informative years. And because I learned that at such a young age from my parents, then when I went into the world taking dance class, right? I was in dance from the time I was five years old. I was able to not just hear those words and the advice I was given, but I was able to put it into action. So when I was in dance class and my dance teacher would say, oh, here comes so-and-so.

7:29She has such beautiful long legs and here I am 5 '1 and petite. I had to listen to my dad's voice in my head saying, you're good enough. Stay true to yourself. So even though sometimes it would hurt, I would talk to myself and remind myself, okay, Renee, this means, sure, you may be short and maybe oftentimes dancers are tall, but that means you're going to work harder. So that really, I think, shaped my work ethic. and allowed me to really lean into hard work and putting in that hustle because that's when the magic happens. It's not when we just sit back and talk about the things we want to do.

8:09It's when we put the action. So hang on, let's talk about the distinction because I think this is a fun part. Playing Vegas versus playing New York. What's the difference? Oh my goodness. Well, first of all, in Vegas, the shows are cut. They're shorter, right? Because people - Get them back to the slot machines. Get them back to the slot machines. Exactly. Exactly. I want to win some money. So the shows are quicker, quicker paced in Vegas, which is really fun. I enjoyed that. But when you're in New York, man, there's nothing like that. Being on the Great White Way, like knowing you are on a Broadway stage, right?

8:47That's like saying I'm a quarterback in the NFL. Like it's just you've reached the top echelon of your industry. So it's really, in a way, no comparison. So, okay, working with Clint Eastwood, let's talk about that one for a second. Brad, I value nothing more in life than truly genuine people, and Clint Eastwood is one of the best. And, you know, my story is so incredible and interesting because I was performing on Broadway in 2013 as Frankie Valli's wife in Jersey Boys. and it was a Sunday matinee and I look back and who's staring at me from 10 rows back but the legend himself Clint Eastwood and after the show listen on Broadway tons of celebrities come to see shows but this was like wow this is this is legend this isn't just a celeb yeah yeah and we got word soon after that he was going to be directing the film version of the musical and And truth be told, Brad, I didn't even think twice about it because I said they're going to hire A-list celebrities out of Los Angeles.

9:54Marissa Tomei is going to play my role. Like I've never done TV or film before, so I didn't even think twice. Until they were looking for someone to play my role of Mary Delgado. So at this point, my agent and I tried and tried to get me an audition. Weeks go by. My agent calls me. She says, Renee, I'm so sorry. I don't know what the problem is. They said they won't give you an audition for Mary Delgado, but they'll give you one for one of the smaller roles, one of the angels who sings my boyfriend's back. And I hung up the phone so disappointed and confused because every girl I knew on Broadway was getting an audition for Mary Delgado but me.

10:32Meanwhile, I'm playing the role at the highest level you could be. And I'll never forget sitting on my couch, taking some time to communicate with myself, feel my feelings. And then I threw my hands up and I said, what am I going to do? I'm still going to go in and audition for one of the angels. Day of the audition, the casting director says, Renee, would you like to sing my boyfriend's back or read the scene first? And at that moment, I heard this quiet little voice within me say, you have to do this. It feels too right. And I looked at the casting director in the eyes and I said, you know, Jeff, I was really hoping to come in and read for the role of Mary Delgado.

11:06I had no idea what he was going to say. And he looks back at me and he goes, I was just thinking the same thing. I was like, amazing, great. So I do the audition. I feel so good. I leave there so grateful because I just wanted the chance. Two weeks later, my agent calls me, you're Mary Delgado in the movie, Clint Eastwood loves you. And I was like, oh, like one of the most surreal moments of my life. That first day I walked in the, our first location to film. It felt like jumping off of a cliff. I had never been on a TV or film set before. And Clint walks up to me and he goes, you know, I went around to all the different casts, but nobody was in your class.

11:49And then you came in and put yourself on tape and it was the icing on the cake. And I'm like trying to hold back tears. Right. I didn't even film my first scene yet. Well, that first day and every day that followed, when we were finished shooting for the day, I would sit and eat lunch with Clint Eastwood, ask him every question I could. and listen in a complete way. Because just like many of you listening, I'm a sponge, and I like to use every opportunity to learn and to grow. Well, a month into the film, I'm eating lunch with Clint Eastwood and one of the producers of the film, because eating's really my favorite thing, okay?

12:25I'm Italian. And I'm talking with them, and they start chatting about how Clint knew he wanted me for the role when he saw me on Broadway. and I said, wait a minute, do you guys want to hear a funny story? I never got an audition for the role of Mary Delgado. The only reason I got to read the scenes is because I opened up my big mouth in the room and asked. And the two of them looked at each other. They said, wait, what do you mean? We requested you. We said, we want the girl from the Broadway show to come into this audition. And I found out that day, Brad, that there was a middle person, casting associate, juggling a few films at once and just dropped the ball.

13:05So in other words, if I did not have the ability to speak up and communicate my desire in the room that day, I could have missed my once in a lifetime opportunity. I could have been sitting in the movie theater watching Jersey Boys instead of on the screen in Jersey Boys, never knowing Clint Eastwood was waiting for me to walk through that door. You know, it's such a fun thing when you get to meet amazing people and learn from them. I love that story. What are one or two of the things that Clint Eastwood taught you though? If you were sitting at lunch with Clint Eastwood that many times, he's got to have taught you some amazing stuff.

13:44Oh, I have a journal filled of what I learned from Clint Eastwood. I would journal every day when I'm coming from set. One of the greatest days of my life was when we were filming the breakup scene. So if you haven't had seen the Jersey Boys movie, you have to watch it now. So Frankie and I are breaking up and Mary, my character's drunk and she's pissed off. and they're walking up the stairs, right? And Frankie's following her and we do the scene once and then Clint's like, all right, now I want you to really give it to him. And I'm like, okay. So I get myself ready and we're walking up the stairs and I start the lines and I'm like, you show up for a couple of days and you think that makes you a father.

14:23And all of a sudden I just start screaming because I forget all my lines. They just leave my brain. Pick it up a few seconds later, I continue the scene. He yells cut and he was like, that was it. And I go, Clint, but I just forgot all my lines. He goes, I don't care. It was real and it was raw. And that's good. When I was filming with Meryl and I'm like, oh my God, he's talking to me about Meryl Streep. He goes, she used to do a million takes of her scenes until they were perfect. Until one day I filmed a rehearsal take and I showed it to her and she saw how raw and organic it was. She never did a million takes again.

15:03And that was the day that I learned about the beauty of imperfection. Imperfection is what's real. And when we lean into that imperfection, that's when we connect with people the most. In that sense, it was from an acting standpoint, right? Think about it. When you're really pissed off, sometimes you forget what you're going to say. And that's what happened, right? And that was real. And it, for me, shaped my whole life. And now I share this when I work with clients and I shared this with family and friends, like the parts of ourselves we often want to hide the most are the ones that connect us with others the most.

15:43And that day he taught me that. We could tell stories for days, but I also want to get to a couple other parts. How did you decide that that career was, okay, I've done the movies, done the Broadway, done Vegas. How did you decide to move to the next career? Because I think a lot of people, when they're talking about success, struggle with the decision for the next career or that sort of thing. Yeah, that's a great, great question. Well, after I did the film, I lived in LA. I did a couple of TV shows, a commercial. I wrote my one woman show. It was beautiful experience. And then my husband and I decided to move back to the East coast where we're from.

16:28And I went back to Broadway. I missed the community of Broadway and I auditioned for pretty woman, the musical I booked it. So I found myself back on Broadway. And at that time, Brad, I saw a need for help in the area of communication. I mean, it was just mind blowing with everybody on their cell phones, right? Caught between behind a screen. No one's really connecting. And I was like, huh, no wonder why people have problems in their relationships personally and professionally. So I knew that I wanted, I always wanted to write a book. I've always written children's books. I write personalized children's books for my nieces and nephews, but I always wanted a traditionally published book.

17:10And I knew that I wanted it to be about communication, but I didn't know what aspect until I was at a restaurant with a friend of mine during the time I was doing pretty woman and a family of five sits next to us, a mom and dad, teenage son, and two young kids under the age of six, the entire meal, no one spoke. They all had their heads down in a digital device and my heart broke because I thought back to my family sitting around the kitchen table where you could always find us. That was our time of connection and they were missing out on these beautiful moments of connection. And I said, boom, that's what this book needs to be about, right?

17:48It's called Becoming a Master Communicator, Balancing New School Technology with Old School Simplicity. And I started writing the book while I was doing the Broadway show. So when that Broadway show closed, I had this sense, Brad, and I said to myself, I'm ready to activate my other God-given gifts. I really believe the purpose of our lives is to use every gift we were given. And for me, I felt this need to kind of start a new chapter. Never did I say I'm done with acting or performing because I'll always be a performer, but I was just ready to start a new chapter. Didn't know exactly what that was.

18:27I knew I wanted to have my book get published and start speaking. So I took a course from Tony Robbins and Dean Graziosi on how to start a business, started watching that course every day. And a month later, the world shut down. So it was almost as if it was chosen for me because I couldn't have performed even if I wanted to. So right away, I saw a need for people to be able to get on video with confidence. I mean, world now became virtual. Most people, especially business owners, entrepreneurs, they didn't know how to do that. So I created a course, a workshop course on, called connecting on camera.

19:08And that's kind of how it started flowing. And from there, I just, I took one imperfect action step after another. And I think that's just a great piece of guidance for anyone listening who may be confused as to how do I start a new career? Don't think you have to have it all figured out from the word go. I didn't, I sure as heck didn't, but what I did is allowed myself to do everything, even when I was afraid to take the next step, even when I didn't have it all figured out. And here I am five years later, and thankfully I have a successful business and I get to speak all over the world, but that was only possible because I didn't keep myself stuck in my comfort zone.

19:48Right. I didn't say I'm going to start when I feel more ready. I was just like, well, now's as good a time as any. Let's go. I love it. I loved what you said there about one imperfect step after the other. Because I think that a lot of people think that whole, well, until I work it all out, I'm not going to get started. And the reality is you're never going to work it out until you get started. Well, hey there, and thanks for listening. I've noticed that 78 % of you are brand new, which means you haven't hit the subscribe button yet. By subscribing, you help us bring on even better guests, better quality content, and serve you better with even more podcasts.

20:25So please hit that subscribe button. It only takes a second. And it makes a huge difference. If you support us, we're going to support your success and help you achieve big success together. But let's dive back then. The seven-step framework for connecting with communication, because dang, all success takes some level of high-level communication. So let's start there. Step one, how do we start? Step one is always communication with self. The communication we have with ourselves sets the foundation, the framework for all of our external communication. So we want to make sure we're taking time for ourselves to connect within.

21:04And a great practice is to wake up in the morning and instead of rolling over to your nightstand to grab your smartphone, leave it aside, put the distraction aside and ask yourself, how am I feeling? And then take five to 10 minutes and put pen to paper to write the answer. And I say pen to paper because research shows when we write, we activate more parts of the brain, giving us a deeper understanding of that information. So step one, communication with self. Yeah, I've been a big fan of journaling for a long, long time. I think it works out great. Note taking, list making, journaling, you name it.

21:40I make it happen. So you mentioned earlier step two. Let's dive into more detail, though, around being authentic self. Yes. Step two is own who you are. And that means be consistent in your character. Share not only your strengths. You don't always just have to lead with your wins, but also be open to sharing maybe an obstacle you're facing or something that you had to get over or get through. When we share these parts of ourselves, we humanize ourselves. And we also let the other person know that they're not alone in their struggles. And this also means a big part of this is stepping into all around confidence and out of what I call keyboard confidence, which is that raw unfiltered confidence that's only present behind the screen and when typing on a keyboard, right?

22:30We want to make sure that because we're communicating so often, just through the written word, we want to make sure we are consciously connecting. So before we hit send on that email or on that text or write that social media post, ask yourself two questions. Number one, would I be comfortable saying this in person? Number two, does this message match me and my intention? And by doing that, it allows you to be the same Brad who shows up face to face, the same one who shows up in his emails, on his podcast and on his social media posts. Yeah, we have a rule in our world of business that no negatives can be dealt with through technology other than the phone.

23:12You cannot text or email once there's a hint of negativity, it's like, all right, pick up the phone, pick it up, call that person. You never know because you can't tell. That's exactly what I teach. I always say the second there's a hint of any miscommunication, if you read a text or an email and all of a sudden you go, oh, that means pick up the phone right away. Yeah, I sometimes give myself about 24 hours to pick up the phone because if I get heated over something, I go, damn, what are they saying with that there? All right, I'll call them tomorrow.

23:47So step three, then out of our seven steps. Yes. Step three is to nail down your information. And this means when you're going to connect with someone, whether it's a first business meeting, whether it's a Zoom call, take time to gather some facts about that person or that group that you're meeting with. I mean, we're in the age of information. So make sure to learn a bit about that person before. Oh, wow, Brad, it's so great that you live in Vegas. You know, I lived in Vegas for many years doing Jersey Boys. Boom, a connection's made. And that's so important. And sometimes we miss the mark. This also means asking questions.

24:25Research shows time and time again, that high question askers are perceived as better liked and are more responsive. So ask questions. And when you ask a question, I like to say go three levels deep with the what, why, how approach. Instead of just going up to someone and saying, oh, well, what do you do? Oh, that's nice. And you walk away. Well, take it one level deeper. Why did you choose that career path? And then go another level deep. How do you feel that making an impact in the world? I mean, think about how great it feels when someone's asking you questions and listening. I know for me, it makes you feel so seen, heard, understood.

25:07And that's all the human spirit wants. I love that. I love that stuff. Hey, before we get to number four, West Side Story versus Pretty Woman versus Chaplin versus Jersey Boys. Which one did you enjoy the most and why? Oh, goodness. I mean, Jersey Boys for me hits close to home literally and figuratively. I mean, you have to understand this. I'm from New Jersey. I'm a Jersey girl. I grew up listening to Frankie Valley in the Four Seasons. The storyline of the entire movie, which is historical, takes place miles from where I grew up. So for me, it was like coming home. It was a role that I believe I was born to play.

25:54And it was such an honor for me because I got to represent my roots and where I come from. Yeah, I think that may be why you felt so much when you did it. All right, let's dive into number four then of our Connect method. Yes. So step four of the connect method is next level storytelling. And I know you get this, Brad, human beings, since the dawn of time, we connect through story. So this means when you're in a conversation, instead of just sharing facts or talking directly about yourself, why not share a story that represents what made you who you are, or a story that represents why you do what you do.

26:34Research shows that when we listen to a story, our brainwaves start to synchronize to that of the storyteller, which right away creates a connection. So it's sharing story is one of the most beautiful ways to connect. Yeah, I love that because I know when I teach people even to speak from stage or to do stuff, I give them a format of three micro macro story, You know, the macro is the lesson, like, you know, leverage is the principle. The micro might be the, you know, here's how you apply it right here. Here's the data. And the story is, here's how I did that one time sort of thing. Once you do that, people get it.