Becoming Your Best Self: Triumph and Transformation with Vinny Shoreman

0:00Welcome to the Big Success Podcast. Cutting-edge conversations on business and personal success, as well as how to level up. Here's your host, number one business coach in the world, Brad Sugars. Today is one of those where it's like super special. I can't wait for you to go through. Vinny Shorman. Now, Vinny is famous for being a hypnotherapist, right? But his way of helping you understand success, and even more than that, the things that he touches on to take you away from success. I think it's like, it's not about you got to do these things to be successful. You got to stop doing these things so that success happens for you.

0:40It's going to take us into the mindset, into the brain, the difference between those who do good and those who do amazing. All of that negative mind chatter, he helps us get rid of a lot of that stuff. Get into a positive mind chatter, programming your brain for success. The Vinny shawman let's get to it so vinnie with all of that in mind let's find out what is your definition of success success um to me is about what you define for yourself what you decide is your level of success some people may be successful in business or they may be successful in the chosen sport or they be a better father, a better mother than what they've experienced in life.

1:26So it's a very personal thing for me, for my personal success, is I want to reach as many people as I can and to influence and help as many people as I can to leave my indentation of the world because I think it's needed at the moment, if I'm honest, especially post-COVID, etc you know um but for it's all an individual thing but i think it's if it drives you if it gets you up in the morning if it makes you smile and makes you happy inside obviously not all the time and you're willing to work at it i think that's the definition for me yeah and is that something that you started early in life or is that something that gradually grew for you did your definition of success change over life i was always good at talking i mean even from when i was when I was very young, my mother told me he's no longer with us, but my mother told me that I could talk pretty much straight away.

2:22It was something that I was linguistically gifted. Basically, I never shut up. But I think for me, I've always tried to make people feel better. It used to really, if someone was crying, it really struck a chord with me. I think I'm a natural empath, and I think that empathetic nature as a child, I think that spurred me on to do what I do now, I think. Yeah, yeah, definitely. So when do you think it was for you that you chose to be a high performer or to be successful, as the term is? When I realised that people who I looked up to started to recognise that I was doing OK. So when you talk to your family, especially my brothers and sisters, when I talked to them a different way, instead of being sort of semi-negative or calling myself names or pulling myself apart, I started talking in a better way.

3:22So I think you'd notice it more so firstly in your family. I think your family noticed it then. And then when I started having success with fighters and stuff like that and they started to win, I started to think I'm onto something here. And that's when I started to realize that, you know, there could be a level of success. And then since then, I have a self-belief of that. I don't believe I'm the number one mind coach in the world. I don't believe I'm the number one hypnotherapist. I've never put that in my bio. Like, I think it's hilarious when people say the world's most powerful hypnotherapist is like, well, the international hypnotherapy competition was there, yeah.

4:03I always imagine him, Brad, yeah? It's like they're on the edge of a cliff and they've all got like cloaks on, a bit like Harry Potter and we're all trying to have hypnosis powers. I think it's the biggest joke ever. If someone says to you that the world's most powerful hypnotherapist, tell them Vinnie Shulman said they're not because there's no such thing. But I just like people doing well. What spurs me on and what gives me great pleasure is to see people being successful, whether it be making millions and the business going well or just people, I don't know, stroking a dog that we're terrified of.

4:39Yeah. So what's your formula for success then or your this is how success happens type thing? Success happens. So you see here before you see outside. So the world, the world is what you interpret in between your ears first. So for me, it's about changing your internal dialogue, changing how you your emotional state. Look, if you're not operating, say you've got a business and you're not operating happily between your ears, you're not going to operate happily in your work. you're just not you know 55 of communication is non-verbal so if you walk in and you you're in a bad mood just because you're in a bad mood with yourself then that's going to work up across your business people work better and people get on better and teams perform better when there's a camaraderie um recently i've done some new work that's caused an absolute landslide of of it sounds really strange landslide of love between um people that work together and um yeah that that's uh that's one thing i'm working on so that's that's my thing is is doing that type of stuff so when you and a lot of what you do and we'll get more into the whole mindset thing in just a moment but how do you take or how have you personally or how some of your clients how do they learn from their failures or what's the difference i guess between someone who learns from their values and someone who accepts them it's all it's all about gumption isn't it failure there's never any failure only feedback as they say in the nlp world this is very true but it depends on the person depends on what they've got inside them or they go to a specialist like myself or go to any sort of thing that's self-improvement to actually see well actually i can do this you know we give failure a bigger stage than it deserves sometimes, you know, and we should give ourselves, okay, that didn't work, but what other ways can we do it?

6:35So there's more than one way out of the maze than what you presume, you know. Why, Vinny, do you think people do give failure that bigger stage? Well, because we're trained to not take risks. You know, we are. We are trained naturally to not take risks. Our unconscious minds like, well, if this happens and that happens so we have rules that come from core beliefs that we get so it's like if i do this then that happens so it's painful when anyone fails it's upsetting and it can question your whole demeanor of who you are and what your own value system is and everything so when you start to question yourself you don't really like to do that and that's the difference between success and great success is you're willing to go okay i'm human i made that mistake but i'm going to do a b to make it better, you know.

7:23But pain can detract us from a lot of things, and I think that sometimes you've got to accept that pain is part of life, but the other side of pain is gold sometimes, you know. Yeah. So how do you get to have, I guess, success being the biggest stage in your mind? How do you make sure that success is what you give the power to? You've got to be obsessed. I think you've got to be obsessed with it I think you've got to be obsessed with getting better yourself I think any success is down to what you think about you if you haven't got look, I'm not saying an egotistical opinion but if you are self-ridicule and if you're pulling yourself apart not in the way that you make mistakes and you can accept them and not meaning that you just shrug your shoulders over mistakes no, what I'm saying is It's like this destroying of your own self by you just because you didn't do something right.

8:23I think that's the most poisonous thing you can do. I think you have to get a good relationship with yourself. And that's what I do is get the client to enjoy being who they are. And then the rest of it's easy. The rest, you can see, you'll have more clarity on things and you can clarify things better because you don't have a judging jury between you. Saying that you're guilty all the time, you know. Yeah. Where did that come for you? Where did you learn to be that person that was not just comfortable with yourself, but learned to love being who you are? Oh, it took a while. I'm 54 now, so it took a while.

9:00And it took a lot of learning. At the moment, I think I'm the best I've ever been as a person, not only as a man, but as I even do my sport that I like to mess about with boxing, etc. I think I'm better now, better skilled, better educated than I've ever been. But some of that is accepting that you know that you don't know everything. Once you get to that point where you get an arrogance about yourself, there's no flexibility to learn new stuff. I accept that I don't know everything, hence not being the world's most powerful hypnotherapist. I'm just learning off others. I'm just going to keep seeing them all on the hill.

9:44Mate, there are so many who do that. I mean, it's just ridiculous. But it's like, you know, I just, I learn off everyone. I don't think I'm better than anyone, but I know I'm better than what I used to be myself. So I never, I'm in no competition with anyone other than myself as to improve and gain better. And that's been a narrative for quite a long time, if I'm honest. Brilliant. You're on the Big Success Podcast. I'm Brad Sugars. Vinny Shorman is going to come back and we're going to talk about your mind, getting into it and feeling great inside your head. There has never been a better time to become successful in life than right now.

10:20Creating success in your life isn't about chance. It's about learning what it takes to create a great life. And that's why Brad Sugars put together 30X Life. You get his 30 years of success in 30 minutes a day for 30 days. You only get one shot at this thing called life. Let's build an amazing life for you. You're back. Big success podcast. Vinny Shorman, like the most powerful hypnotherapist in the world. You can say it. Brad Sugar said I am the most. No, Brad, you'll have no choice in saying it because I'll make you say it with my hypnotic powers. How do we program ourselves for success? This is something you teach and I absolutely love.

10:59You program yourself for success with a simple reason. You've got to stop ridiculing yourself and pulling yourself apart. You know, we can be so rude about ourselves and so insulted. So imagine it like this. Imagine a four-year-old child and the insults you call yourself, like stupid, failure, you're this, you're that, you're ugly, pulling yourself apart and you make a mistake and you're a fool. Imagine a four-year-old child repeating those things in front of you and how horrified you would be to hear that, to hear these expletives, to hear all the things that are pulling you into the doldrums of life.

11:35you would immediately stop the four-year-old child you would say no you're not like that listen this you shouldn't be saying those things about you yet we do it between our ears well you know people are constantly walking around with this narrative this story that they're telling themselves the pictures that they're holding their minds of of falsehood and the things that they're telling themselves and people are constantly walking around doing this that's why people you know get addictions and stuff like that and low mood and anxiety and stuff because this is the narrative they're telling themselves the story that you're fulfilling in your own mindset yeah yeah so how do we move from that to the like training our mind or move towards the inner peace well find people that find people that teach the things that i do so find a therapist that will talk to you about how you feel i think we've become so reserved and we've become so insular that we don't really learn anything we only know what we know from ourselves because we know it so we never learn anything it's like there's a tv show called who wants to be a millionaire hosted by chris tarrant and he always said it's only easy if you know the answers so even if you find someone like someone like me or a personal coach a personal trainer who trains you to to get healthy or get a business coach in the business world there's always someone out there teachers exist for a reason so go and seek one and and if they're not the best one that you can find that's absolutely fine they're not the most powerful therapist in the world that's not true anyway but i mean you can just you can go find someone who who will help you on your path and be gladly to either lead the way or or be a supporter at the end and the beginning of it yeah yeah so that the anxiety help me understand how anxiety happens in someone's in a person i guess anxiety is is a necessary part of humans of human psyche anxiety is a protector excuse me anxiety protects us from danger so it'll tell you that we don't go down there because it sounds like there's a wolf down that down in them woods or whatever it's existed for a reason for instance so there's two there's two there's two uh there's two modes of operandi so in the reptilian brain when we was um in in the in the caveman times if you was hunting for food and you knew that not only was it wild animals not only was it other hunters there's other uh other depths of danger this anxiety has to exist to keep us safe it keeps us safe because it just warns us against things so what we do is is like now in the world we we make we make things uh we know things are going to happen yet we accentuate them because we're not getting hunted anymore well i hope you're not and if you are i hope you get safe but it's like we we have this we have this narrative in our heads that this could go wrong that could go wrong because we're three times more likely to focus on that than we are success so that's why success takes effort anxiety takes none it doesn't it just exists to take to get out of that takes effort whether you contact someone like me or that you you read books and you make the decision to break a narrative that you tell yourself basically break your inner language or break what you say because anxiety exists to keep us safe that's why it exists but it's got it's got a bad rap because we misdirect erect it dang dang so the the negative emotions though because like anxieties i get that how do we stop though those negative emotions invading our brain or invading ourselves on a daily or weekly basis well because remember that thoughts are only opinions they're not facts so it's i always say to my clients it's science fiction you you live in fiction i live in science so it's like there's this narrative that I've been following Brad that when you say all these negative things about yourself these awful things I'm a very big fan of Doctor Who and this don't tell anyone oh it's too late and he says everything that you think you know is a lie so all these things that you talk about yourself these negative things I will prove that they're lies to you because everyone's successful if he wasn't successful We won't ride bikes, drive cars.

15:54We won't be able to work phones. We won't walk. We have a level of success, but we forget it. Because it becomes easy and repetitious, we just shrug our shoulders over it. The fact of the matter is that we are successful beings. That's why we're the top of the food chain. However, if we want to go to be a very high level, we have to push ourselves to that high level. so talking of high level when you coach boxers because you know the old famous mike tyson quote everyone's got a plan till they get punched in the face how do you get those boxes into that state where they have that strength of mind to keep performing well the idea is not to get punched in the face so yeah you know everyone's got a plan to get punched in the face but the idea of boxing is not to get out of it hit and not getting hit um it all depends on the individual not only do i work with fighters i work with everyone from business to to everybody i don't there's no just me just working with fighters but with fighters it always mostly is that some are built for it and some aren't and i'll be honest with that because it's such a macho archetypal thing of if i can fight then i'll then i rule the roost a bit like that you know the the main lion and the lion, the king of the pride and all that sort of business.

17:14Men have this idea, and women, but mainly men that I've spoken to. They have this idea that if they can do that, then the whole world changes and everyone will respect them. It's not true. I mean, if you can fight, great. You win fights in the ring, but you're no good as a mechanic or a surgeon. So mental strength comes from all sorts of things, all sorts of avenues. Look at Sir Edmund Hillary, a very posh, well-spoken man, And yet he climbed Everest and, you know, his frostbite took his fingers and all sorts of stuff. You know, he didn't have expletives. He didn't have tattoos. He didn't have a goaty beard and didn't have a vicious dog.

17:48But he might have done. But, I mean, it's not about that. It's about what you've got inside you. And it doesn't matter if it's to do with fighting or do with combat. It's to do with what you've got inside you to keep going when others won't. That's the main thing. Vinny, what's something I can do today to strengthen my mind? What's something I can start right now or anyone listening can start right now to get more strength of mind? It's to join the showman's club. It's very true. That is absolutely 100 % true. What I would do is I'd hire someone because it's about, I mean, there's so many good therapists about and there's so many good coaches about.

18:31It's to hire someone and you say, it's like we keep these things. we say oh well I'm not going to say that because I get clients come in my office at the moment and clients I've had clients all day and they come in and they always say oh you think this is going to sound weird or this is going to sound stupid or this is you're going to laugh at this and I never do because I've heard it before we have this strange idea that we're unique now we're unique but everyone thinks can think in the same in the same processes yet we're so busy being worried about getting shamed or getting laughed at that we don't express what is going on between our ears and then you get through it and then you give your mind more sort of runway to to to work with you know and that's the main thing is to seek someone who's got or read something or look at successful people and go how did they do it instead of being jealous and envious which is something i don't suffer from and then just going oh that's amazing how did they do that it gives you space to that And as they say, universally, it'll look after you.

19:33Yeah. So, buddy, I have to touch on something because this comes up, you know, being a coach and you being a therapist and stuff. What is it that there's a stigma that people don't want to like? I asked some clients one time why they didn't want to refer me as a business coach, even though they give me amazing ratings, amazing testimonials. Why didn't you give a referral? They're like, well, I kind of don't want to admit I have a coach or that I need a coach. I'm like, I don't understand that. So you've been in this business a long time. What is that stigma and how do we get people past it so they do seek help?

20:10It's ego because they want to come across as this certain type of person. They don't want to because I'm a mind coach. So people that come to me, you know, want to change the mind. But like other people think it's a mind coach. Is there something wrong with your mind? No, it's not. you know you can take your car for a service and the car might not be that might not be broken or anything like that but you take it for a service to keep it running better that's what i do it's like like with my clients like you know some of them that do a year program they'll do a lot of heavy sort of work in the beginning and then well they can just ring me when they want so you don't really want to talk to your spouse you don't want to talk to your kids you don't want to talk to your work colleagues you don't want to talk to people that work underneath you so uh or you know who they work with you or they work for and and it's just something to get what's going on inside your head and get some understanding of it and then it's done then it's it's it's i think it's because people don't want to admit because they want to seem weak it's it's a it's an egotistical thing when really i've had fighters and i'm not going to mention the names who've worked with me and all i've said to them is look you could i'll do this session for but just mention it on your socials and they never do because when they win it's all about them and when they lose it's everybody else's fault yeah you're on the big success podcast i'm going to ask vinnie about scaling up and about doing amazing not just doing good when we come back after this break vinnie shorman is a timeline therapy practitioner nlp practitioner and fully qualified hypnotherapist vinnie has dedicated his life and career to a practice that was born from the desire to help you feel content, inspired, and fulfilled in all areas of your life.

21:53To hear more about Vinny Shorman, please visit theshoremansolution.com. Vinny, I have to ask, what's the difference between someone who does good and someone who does great in your mind? It's again about what the obstacles you have between your ears. It's how you talk to yourself is almost vitally important. How you talk to yourself is no one. So, for instance, great and amazing. So the great person will be keep neck and neck. But the amazing person will be the ones that has the dialogue that encourages themselves from themselves. You see, you can pay someone a compliment. But if they say, for instance, oh, I like your hair, and they say, oh, it's a mess, immediately that's negated.

22:38Yeah. If they said, oh, thank you very much, even though you might feel your hair's a mess, but you say thank you, you're still supporting yourself. it's the inner support that you get from you gets you where you want to get you can't have someone like you someone like me clapping for them 24 7 you've got to get on your own side and this is where because at the end of it it's all down to you I never take credit for any some of my clients done amazing things and I'm very very happy but I never go it's down to me because it isn't down to me it's down to what the client's done and I'm the biggest cheerleader for them because I suggest something which I know works and they're willing to go and do it.

23:17That's the differences that make a difference. The ones that are willing to go, you know what, better language between their ears, talk to themselves in a better way. They'll see less obstacles or ways around the obstacles instead of just keeping themselves stuck on the first one. Yeah. So what does it take for someone to allow themselves or encourage themselves to go for those massive goals? You know, the old saying of dreams don't become a reality because people didn't even try. How do people get that mindset to even try or even go for great, even go for amazing? Well, wishes are Disney and goals are real.

24:00so you've got to work on you I mean you've got to work on what because when the going gets tough the tough get going as they say if you've not got that that gumption that you know that what's the word resilience resilience comes from being alright to yourself resilience don't come from it's like David Goggins is amazing guy brilliant for training but David Goggins would be no good in a relationship where you say imagine you said to your spouse you just got to get over that shit yeah but my dad's just died my dad's just died you got to get over that shit you got to keep pushing on like really allow me a bit of time Dave but it's like don't get me wrong it's brilliant for training but you've got to be able to to get things that work in certain areas for you I believe in investing in your health I believe in investing in fitness I believe in investing in sleep in hydration and all the things that you should be because if you're not optimal your mind's not optimal your body's not optimal then how are you going to withstand the bombardment of what life will flow at you you know that's the way it works yeah so when you uh i want to go back to a thing i i watched uh the first episode of you on joe rogan and uh it's really interesting to watch even someone at his level that you can take them to another level talk to me more about how someone who's amazing you can still get them to that next phase, next phase, next phase.

25:31Your mindset around that, because I found it fascinating. It's because we're constant learning, aren't we? We're constantly trying to get better. Are those that want to be successful trying to get better? Excuse me. Once you settle for mediocre, you're going to get mediocre. You've got to keep thinking, what can I do? How can I do it? Who do I need to help me? what do I need to do for myself and it's and it's it's always levels it's always less ceilings to break because if that's if you're inquisitive you're nosy and you're passionate and you're willing that's where it works you've got to be willing to accept that you might not be perfect you might get it wrong you might fall flat on your face but it's just like we all fell over when we were walking or we all fell off bikes so that's just how you've got to you've got to have that even that childlike mentality of thinking i know the risk but i'm going to do it anyway yeah i know the risk but i'm going to do it anyway so final question around that area there then if if i have the negative mind chatter and i start going the positive mind chatter talking to myself building myself up how do i keep doing that how do i discipline myself or how do i make sure i keep going because like you know physical training it doesn't seem to work in the beginning how do you get people to keep going because it's so enjoyable when you start to see moments of where you don't ridicule yourself and you don't ridicule others it becomes it becomes an inner peace it's calming it's so much better to if you see someone walking down the street and they have i don't know odd shoes on and instead of observing it and going and saying expletives like so what's wrong with whatever this a b and c and snarling in your own mindset you just let people do what they do you spend less time it's like the one of the things that keeps people stuck is mind reading they'll think this if i think that what are they going to think about me well i don't care you can't think what other people are thinking anyway unless you're the world's most powerful hypnotherapist you know i joke with my kids that it's a pretty big ego to think other people are thinking of you yeah exactly i mean other people have got their own worries and their own trials and tribulations to go through so why would you why would you why would you have this time spending on thinking what other people think it's an impossibility no one can mind read it okay who you see on netflix and all that sort of business no one can mind read you've just got you've just got to start reading your own book before you start going into other people's libraries you know i want to touch back on something you mentioned there that i think is important not not being negative with others to train yourself to be positive with others and then apply that to yourself tell me more about that it's compassion isn't it i mean who am i to who am i to ridicule anyone i've got no you know i don't fly i can't walk on water i've not i'm not healed the sick and raised the dead so you know i'm not in the holy realms so why would i why I'm in no competition, Brad, with anyone other than me.

28:45And you can't help people if you think you're above them. I think once you start thinking you're above them, you're probably worse off than they are because you're so clouded and deluded in your own ideas of grandeur that life will end up taking your feet off you anyway. So for me, it's about having an open mind, being compassionate. If you're compassionate and you're kind and you've got an open mind, people will tell you more anyway. so you've got more you've got more to work with then instead of telling them telling them how they should be and why this is and this and being all bullshit because i've done both i'm more compassionate now than i've ever been and i've been more forceful and forceful didn't get me the results that i get now so i try and be kind to people that's the main thing yeah yeah i i love it i think on uh one thing i heard you say that unless you're kind and compassionate with others because you're not going to do that to yourself.

29:40No, you're never going to do that because if you're, you know, you think about how you feel when you're being negative to someone, when you're being angry at someone, you do that emotion, you keep that emotion. Look, things are going to make you angry. Things are going to, people are going to get on your nerves. Of course they are. However, if you have that constant narrative, like I said, you see here before you see that. And that's what you carry in the world, you know, that's what you project. Got it. All right, Vinny, quick fire round. Quick question, one or two word answers. How do you succeed at relationships?

30:13Well, compassion, understanding, communication. Perfect. How do you succeed at health? Grind. Got it. Grind. How do you succeed at self-development, growing yourself? Again, it comes under the same categories. You've got to grind and you've got to be willing to be laid bare, really. Got it. How do you succeed at goals, both setting and achieving? First of all, to set the goals, you've got to do what actually makes you tingle, what actually makes you think, I want this. How you succeed at it is follow that feeling. You've got to follow that feeling regardless of sometimes it will dwindle, but you've still got to follow that feeling.

31:06You've still got to follow the passion of wanting to improve yourself. Love it. Vinny, final question. What's the best advice or the best quote you ever read on the subject of success? Less than 100 % support is sabotage. So, and meaning if you're not supporting yourself 100 % in all areas of your life, then you're not only sabotaging what you do, you're sabotaging everyone else around you. Dang. The Vinnie Shorman, the Big Success Podcast. We'll be back next week with more of your success. Check the show notes. Follow Vinnie. Learn from Vinnie. Go do all the stuff you need to do so that you have the success you want.

31:46And that's the Big Success Podcast for today. Hopefully you took a lot of notes and hopefully you learned a bunch and hopefully you're going to take action on it and refer people. Remember, if you haven't subscribed, click that subscribe button now. Be with us every week on the Big Success Podcast. BS, Brad Sugar's Big Success. Take action. Check the show notes for all the links. I'll give you all the links for everything that your speaker had. Make sure you follow through and keep the learning going. Remember, you got to grow into your goals. I'll speak to you next time on the Big Success Podcast.

32:18You've been listening to the Big Success Podcast with the number one business coach in the world, Brad Sugars. To learn more about how to achieve business and personal success, as well as how to level up or listen to past episodes, visit www.bradsugars.com.