Own Your Story, Own Your Life: How to Live with Purpose from Kellan Fluckiger

0:00Purpose is something you choose. Number one, that purpose then drives how you show up in the world. Here's what I tell people. The most valuable gift that you can make, you can make the most money, have the most fun, and make the biggest difference in the world if you'll do the work of choosing the purpose that calls to you as you examine your life, and then go all in, creating the outcome that that purpose dictates. Because that's the most valuable thing you've got. It seems like the things that teach us most precious lessons are the ones where we're broken, busted, robbed, betrayed, hurt, sick, died.

0:42Whatever it is, that's the stuff that lands in matters and causes the transformation. Kellan Flukiger, we're going to learn what it takes to build the ultimate life. How do you actually have it all? Purpose is something you choose, number one. That purpose then drives how you show up in the world. So the truth, best advice, you can have anything you want if you're willing to walk the road that goes there. Purpose, prosperity, and joy. Let's join Kellen Flukiger. So Kellen, your definition of success, how do you define it? You know, that is a powerful and important question because it's radically changed today from where it used to be most of my life, okay?

1:22I wanted to make money, big cash, big house, big crap, get up in the company, you know, own this, that, and the other. And you know what? I did all that. And I was freaking miserable. And in 2007, I started my life over again. And we'll do some details later where I am today and what just makes me happy. I live every single day. And after I say this, you're not going to believe it. And I don't care. I live every day in what I call the ultimate life, a life of purpose, prosperity, and joy. So success is loving every minute of your life, no matter what happens. That's all success is. And I have it.

2:03And my goal is to share that with 300 million people this year. You know, I do think, though, there's a point of achieving all of the stuff. But I think we've got to we've almost got to go through that to get to the other side. What are your thoughts on that? It seems that way. It seems like the things that teach us most precious lessons are the ones where we're broken, busted, robbed, betrayed, hurt, sick, die, whatever it is. That's the stuff that lands and matters and causes the transformation. When we haven't gone through the fire, it doesn't seem like it lands. So I would agree. I don't know that that's necessary, but it sure seems like it.

2:50Yeah, I mean, we could literally do this whole podcast with you on how you achieved amazing business results, 30-year career, achieving all of those wonderful things, because that knowledge is in your head as well. But what we want to look at is that ultimate life. Where do you think, well, your definition shifted? You mentioned 2007. What happened that shifted the definition? So all of us and I'm going to get a little woo here for a sec All of us at different times feel nudges feel intuition inspiration like we ought to do this and we should do that And you know that kind of stuff happens to us, right?

3:31And mostly we ignore it and mostly we create reasons why we don't do it And I did that like everybody else. So during my big 30-year career of achieving all that, you know I I felt those things. I knew things were going wrong. I was married and divorced three times I had substance problems. And when August of 2007 rolled around, I was a single dad for the third time. Four of my 10 kids were living with me. I was making a crap load of money again in my fourth career. And I was also a$3 ,000 a week cocaine addict. So that's where I was in August of 2007 when one of those divine interventions happened.

4:09It just so happens that this one was so loud, so noisy and such a big two by four that it finally woke me up. You know, it's you say two by four and I love the old money in you that the taps on the shoulder, the two by four or the Mack truck type thing. Sometimes it takes a Mack truck to the proverbial wake up call. Why do you think it is that it takes such a massive thing for some people to wake up? Or maybe why did that take it for you to hit that wake up call? Yeah, I'll tell you why. And I'm happy to describe what happened. There's no secret there. I've written about in one of my books. And the reason I think it took that is because I had ignored the subtle ones, even sort of big subtle ones like three failed marriages, self-sabotage and destroying careers that I had done multiple times when I was at the top.

5:08I was like riding this roller coaster. And when I get way up there, somehow I didn't believe I belong there. So I do stuff that would trash it. Burned it down is the phrase, right? And I was just repeating this pattern and like it was getting desperate. I was way up high again. But what I also didn't tell you is two weeks before the divine intervention, I'd attempted suicide for the second time. So, you know, it was getting to be do or die time. And so it took that because that's where I was. If I had had sense enough, and you or your listeners, if you have sense enough to hear them earlier, please do.

5:47Because the big ones hurt and they are big and you crawl over broken glass on the way out. So it's not a badge of honor. It's a badge of stupid, but that's where I was. I love it. My buddy, Keith Cudyham wrote that book, The Road Less Stupid. And it's like, you know, every now and again, we should all read that book and just remind ourselves we don't need to be that. So what, what then in your mind is the, the relationship then between success, failure, how do you see them go together? Well, the first thing you have to do is own your life. We live, we live with this idea that externalities define us, the weather's bad, the government's bad, the economy's bad, the wrong guy or the right guy got elected, the COVID came, 2008 crash, or our partner just ripped us off of$2 million and burned the business down, or our life partner betrayed us, or whatever.

6:47We blame all those things for our lack of ability for success. And I'm going to flat out tell you you're full of shit. You own your life. And that external stuff's going to happen. Believe me, I waded through, caused some of it, but waded through a boatload. And I still own my life. And it was finally when I sort of said, I slammed my fist metaphorically, I'm done. I'm done giving credence to old stories, upbringing, all that stuff. I don't care. I'm done. We're going in this new direction. I don't even know where it goes. I don't know how much broken glass I got to crawl over, but I own this life and I'm going to make it what I want, period.

7:32So that is step one. You got to own it. Step two is then you decide where you'd like to go. And that has to be flexible because things are going to change. And it's not a surprise because when you're looking at your life right now, it's from the point of view that you're at. So when that divine intervention happened in August of 2007, I knew I was done with everything I'd done before and I was starting over. But I was at the front end of a long journey that's been now 18 years, and I didn't know many things that I now am knowing and continuing to know. So the thing I thought I was going to do was end the other, end the misery, end the stupidity, and the stupid, and I'm going to go down this road, and I don't know exactly where it goes, but I'm going to take control, adjust, and I'm going to go there.

8:23And when I said success, I redefined it. No longer owned or controlled by anybody else. No longer afraid of my own definition of success and happiness. I'm going to pursue what I want, and I'm going to go get that, and I'm going to make it work. That's what I decided. And then as I went down that road, as things began to improve and I did the work to, you know, deal with decades of untreated depression and now addictions and a bunch of other stuff, I began to learn things and say, oh, crap, this stuff that I'm learning about myself could be really helpful to others. So that's when I started writing books and creating programs.

9:05It was because of what had happened to me as I went down that unknown road and crawled over the glass and healed myself and learned things and decided, okay, the most powerful thing I can offer to the world isn't another widget, although there's fine, you can do that if you want. But for Kellen, the most powerful thing I could offer is the truth of the experience of owning your life and the growth that I then created and then moved forward to do that. And that's why I became an author. I've got 20 books. I've got a coaching clients all over the place, et cetera, et cetera. And that became what I have to offer the world.

9:45And I get to do it with fun and joy and excitement every day. You know, 50 years direction left. It's almost like, you know, you turn. Let me go back direction and write and just see. You mentioned something that I think is really interesting though about you said, you know, I've got to set the goals and I didn't even know. I think one of the big challenges for people when they step into wanting to make the change is that they don't know what the new goal is because they don't know what the option is. They've got to start opening a few doors, I guess, checking through a few windows, reading a couple of books or listening to podcasts like this to even get there.

10:32I mean, how did you and how do you now teach people to even get on that path of deciding who they want to be and where they want to go? So you said the first thing that's the most important, and I'm going to slow way down and turn the volume down and get dramatic here for a sec. The most important thing is not the goals of money or product or anything else. Goal number one is who are you? And that means not because somebody said so without permission, without agreement between you and your creator. Because you said so, who are you? And I started with that Because before, if I'd written those things I am a drug addict I am a liar I am undependable You know, I listed a bunch of things And I'm like, holy crap I don't, I won't, no, no So I started thinking about What are the things that I want to be true?

11:36And some of them are already true Like, okay, I'm created by God Whatever you perceive that to be I'm a divine being Well, that's true whether I screw it up or not Okay, let's start there, because I sure haven't been acting like one. So let's start with the first declaration of truth. I'm a son of God. Holy crap, just remembering that. Okay, what flows from that? Okay, I am my word. I speak only truth. I do what I say. I am who I seem. Oh, man, what a departure. And so just starting with, and I have a whole process and thing called a PTAC, personal truth and commitment that I work with people, and that's the process.

12:17It's in the book Living with Purpose and Power, which is a book that I wrote about how to create earth-shattering, light-the-walls-on-fire documents that you use every day that ooze out of your pores. There's the place to start, because until you decide who you are, I don't care what you do. What matters most is who is the guy or the gal doing the thing, creating the business, entering the conversation, working on a relationship? Who are you? What are the characteristics that you have chosen? It's a scary thing. And I know every year I spend two days with friends, clients, where I take them through that question.

13:00You know, who do you want to be? Who do you how do you want to define yourself? What values, what belief structures do you want to hold true for yourself? And I think a lot of the time it's easy to get lost in, I don't know. I don't know. And a lot of I don't knows is really, I don't really want to look at that. How do you hold your toes to the fire though and really push yourself? It took you, you had to have that real negative. Maybe if I'm not in that negative space, I'm just in a space of, I kind of know I need to do this. How do you push someone down? So I don't. I invite them. And my question to you is, are you happy?

13:45Yes or no. And if that ugly sort of squishy, not really. Yeah, I got a lot of stuff I should be. If that's where you are, then the next question is, how bad do you want this? Because it's not easy. It's blood on the floor. And no one can decide this for you. And if you've spent your life living it by other standards of wealth or performance or activity, you're going to have to do some work because I'm not going to let you use any of those. And here's what people tell me a lot, like nearly everyone. Yeah, I read a book or I've been to a conference where I created some kind of a statement. I am, you know, loving blah, blah, blah.

14:29And they say a few words, maybe a couple of sentences even. Right. And then I say, that's great. If I watch you go through your day, do I see that in every conversation? When you stand in the mirror in the morning, do you know that? Does it bleed out of your eyes? When you say your document or your statement, does it make you weep? And then they act like they don't even understand what I'm talking about. And then I'll just say really simply, throw it away because you haven't said anything yet. when you get to the place where you say stuff that nobody has to agree or listen, but for you, it lights your soul on fire and you literally not just know it, but it's in every cell of your body and you weep as you say it because of the power.

15:14Okay, now we're somewhere. And if you don't want to do the work to get there, come back when you're ready, because that's how you create a life. There's something that the words you can. I heard you say it once about it almost it reminded me of something that that it's not about have this or this or this. The ultimate life philosophy of yours is like it's more like an and philosophy. You can have that and that you don't have to choose between being successful and living a purposeful life. You can have that and type thing. I call the ultimate life a life of purpose. prosperity, and joy. I pick those words carefully.

16:00Anybody can use whatever words they want. Purpose means I have chosen. Some people act like they're going to go find a purpose on a safari. They're going to dig it up in the yard, or it's going to come in an Amazon box. You're going to have a purpose when you pick one, and always it's going to come from your life experiences. You're going to have gone through and learned from things that make you yearn to do whatever it is you want to do in the world. And so you choose a purpose. And yeah, you're going to adjust it and refine it and make it more powerful. I certainly have. But purpose is something you choose.

16:36Number one, that purpose then drives how you show up in the world. Here's what I tell people. The most valuable gift that you can make, you can make the most money, have the most fun and make the biggest difference in the world if you'll do the work of choosing the purpose that calls to you as you examine your life and then go all in creating the outcome that that purpose dictates. Because that's the most valuable thing you've got. It is the truth of your being. We can all create products and services about that thing over there. and maybe you'll make a lot of money and do cool. It's not going to be the best you could do because it isn't the truth of your life.

17:22That and the truth of your life, I simply mean examining your experiences, your gifts, your skills, and figuring out how to weave those together into your MEO, most effective offering. And that, of course, is worth the most because it's the best that you've got. Purpose, prosperity, and joy. Yes. Prosperity means exactly what it means. And I use prosperity instead of the word cash, even though it includes it, because prosperity means prosperity in relationships. One of the things that happened in August 2007 when life changed is part of the miracles that happened at the time was I began to learn how to be a person, how to tell the truth, how to have a friend, how to be a friend.

18:08And so as part of that situation, I was then in a divine way that's part of the story, introduced and directed literally to a relationship that now I have been married now for 17 plus years. And it is a holy thing. It is a sacred, holy partnership. And I look back at the marriages that I had before, and I realized I didn't even know how to do that. I didn't know how to have a friend, be a friend. I didn't know how to tell the truth. I didn't know how to do what a partner needs to do. And so prosperity in relationship, prosperity in cash, prosperity in influence and power, all of it. And joy is what flows from that.

18:50When you know every single day you're living on purpose and you're making a difference and you love yourself furiously because you're doing all you can, joy is the automatic and consistent byproduct. Got it. So, Kellan, I'm getting this sense that there was a learning of how to be a good human almost. Like, I'm getting that sense. Straight up. Straight up. Up till August of 2007, I had a story about what I was supposed to do. I believed it with all my heart. I lived into it. I did really well. I created lots of really high-paying jobs. I was miserable because I was denying that true thing that I wanted to do and be in the world.

19:33And so I then didn't know how to have relationships I failed at those I said three failed marriages And I turned to drugs and alcohol In ridiculous quantities And it got so bad that, you know Exes and others blamed me for everything And at the point where you look in the mirror And you believe with all your heart that you really are The worst thing there is The cause and the root of all evil And there's no more deflections and no more thing that you can say, you get to a place that I give a name because that feeling can't be named. I call it the name of the black. You get to that place and that's the end.

20:16I read to my kids a lot of the Dr. Seuss books and my favorite is the, oh, the places you'll go. And you got to love that part of, oh, the places you'll go where you get to the dark place and the waiting place and all of those sorts of things. But let's flip it over now to the other side of the equation. Keys to a good relationship. Let's start there. What are the Kellan keys to a good relationship? What are the top few things? Number one, when she and I, like you don't know the story and I haven't told you yet, but it's unbelievable and incredible. When she and I decided we were going to do this, barely knowing each other, that we were just going to go do this because both of us felt divinely inspired to do it.

21:04Here's key number one. I said, okay, if we're going to do this, then this is ride or die, baby, because I'm not doing this again. Blood on the floor, ride or die, straight up. And she just said, I'm in. And so that bulletproof commitment is step one. When you have that, then everything else is in the context of, okay, this didn't work. We have disagreement on that. That's fine. But my commitment to you and our relationship, we got together as a divinely appointed direction. So God's not an idiot. And if that's the direction, then it's on us to figure this out. And we're going to do that because we said so.

21:53Yeah, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine just recent and something happened. He messed up a couple of things. And we over the years have learned to use the term brother with each other. You know how that happens between men, you know, and in Australia, we use the term mate, you know, this is my mate. Well, he messed up a few things. He says, you know, I understand if you don't want to. And I said, no, no, you don't understand. You're my brother. And same as my other brothers, Craig and Jason, who are my birth brothers. I don't get to get rid of them just because they messed up some things or just because we disagreed on some stuff.

22:34And I don't get to get rid of you just because you made some stupid choices. You know, it's like we're here and we have to work it out. And I think that's a commodity in relationships today that we need to be very clear on that working through things is a big part of what makes a successful relationship. So I agree. So that's part one. Number one, as I said, I said, you know, it's ride or die. I'm doing this. The second thing is in part of my daily creation document, which I have memorized and woven into my DNA, and my wife, my angel, her name is Joy. And so part of my purpose, prosperity, and joy, right?

23:18I'm married to Joy. All right. So part of my document that is as sacred as I am a son of God is I am, that I love joy with everything that I am. Joy is the love of my life and eternity. I love the grace, beauty and brilliance that is joy with all my being. Joy is my song, my balance and the light in my heart. And I repeat that with intensity and purpose every single morning. And when I start my day from that place, I don't care what happens. yeah yeah it's interesting that just this you know the passion i can feel from you in that but also just the wording as a coach i listen to languaging very clearly and you don't say i love joy with all my heart you say i love joy with all my being there's such a difference right there such a difference crazy crazy level of difference there is and i've just chosen to do that and that's the thing that nobody told me to do that.

24:28I decided that's who I am. I am that I have done that. I give that level because I said so. And what I want to leave with you and others is that the most powerful words in the language are not, I love you or anything like that. They are very simple. Because I said so. Period. Not because I said so. But when you have a thing that you are committed to and because I said so is the only reason that's invincible. Well, hey there, and thanks for listening. I've noticed that 78 % of you are brand new, which means you haven't hit the subscribe button yet. By subscribing, you help us bring on even better guests, better quality content, and serve you better with even more podcasts.

25:16So please hit that subscribe button. It only takes a second. It makes a huge difference. If you support us, we're going to support your success and help you achieve big success together. So what is the new Kellen Flukiger success formula now? Not the one from 30 years ago in the crazy times, but today, how would you suggest that if someone said to you, okay, what makes me successful today? Is it the passion follow that? Or is there more to it than that? Or are there some other things I got to get into it? So there's, it's very simple. I mean, it's, it's very hard. I won't pretend it's easy. It's simple and it's hard.

26:04Here it is. Do the work to create, I call it a document, a PTAC, personal truth and commitment document. I don't care what you say in it, but do the work so that you are committed at the level that you have seen me committed, that you have decided, because you said so, this is who I am. We come into this world with nothing, okay? We're going to die and leave with nothing. And the only thing we're going to present to the Creator when we go back is what we've made out of ourselves. That's it. And a choice about what that's going to be is the place to start. So that's number one, create such a thing, whatever work you need to do to do it.

26:45The second thing is, okay, cool. I have a cool thing that if I read it to somebody or myself, it's impressive. It won't do any good unless it's part of your daily creation process. So if that's who I've decided I am, then the next question, I mean, God, for whatever reason, created us that we sleep away a third of our lives. So we die every night and wake up every morning. Fine. I'm an Olympian in life. And I can't imagine any Olympic athlete warming up after the game, after the event. So every day is my event. And I want to be at my best. Why? Because I said so. I want that. So I have a daily creation process.

27:29It's two and a half hours. And I use my documents, my declaration and my purpose to create the being every morning without fail, no exceptions, no excuses. That is the embodiment of those choices. And that preparation then allows me to do things five times as fast and as much as anything I'd ever be able to do otherwise. And with the kind of power that I have. and I have it because of the preparation. So those are the two most important things. Everything else after that, a series of formulas or steps or activities, they're important, but they don't count or they do, but at 20 % or 40 % effectiveness, if you haven't chosen to be the most awesome version of yourself every day, and why would you throw a day away?

28:28Like, why would you say, ah, screw it, today's nothing? I don't know. I mean, you know, if you're 20, you can decide that. I started this when I was 52, and I'm like, you know what? And I'm now 69. I'll be 70 later this year. I'm not going to do that with any day. Every single day I want to be in my Olympic form because I said so. That's who I choose to be. So those are the two most important things. And then from there, then the question is, OK, how do you want to walk through the world as that master person? I want to be a doctor. I want to be an attorney. I want to be a coach. I want to be I want to be a speaker.

29:09I want to be a podcast host. Good. Let's get you to the most awesome level of self. Now, from that place of ideation and creation, what do we create? i have a question that's just bouncing in my head uh i have two of my kids are now in their early 20s how many times in life do you feel that someone will go through that sort of phase of almost recreating themselves i guess or redefining themselves as is it a once-off thing or do we do it multiple times. I'm just, I'm almost asking for myself, I guess. I'd say it's refined when I, when I hadn't taken, see, it depends if I haven't taken ownership of my life and I live in the, I was raised to do this, or I would believe, told to believe that, or you've always done this or society expects that.

30:05When I live in that decisions based on that foundation are weak and they will crumble and they will bring you rapidly and regularly to the chasm of what the fricks going on here. Okay. And they'll bring you to that often. When you decide I'm going to take control of my life, and I don't care what anybody else says or does, this is who I'm going to be. And that doesn't mean you throw away all those things. If you decide I'm going to do this, you may include many of the things you've been told, but now they're included with a stamp that says, I own this. Screw everybody else. I own this. I was told to be honest.