Stop Waiting and Start Living: The Power of a Bucket List from Sebastian Terry

0:28You don't have to do what I did. to this. They're like, well, how do I start? I hate to oversimplify, but it's literally start. So I'm excited about this chat. Happiness, fulfillment, if that's what you're after, Seb Terry. All right, Seb, your definition of success. How do you see it? I've always thought that it's being able to identify what's important to you and progressing towards that. And then as a very natural by-product of you following your heart, there is a benefit to other people. And so I think it's that sort of collision of wanting to do something that's important to you and it being good for others at the same time.

1:05I've always thought that's success. Love it. Love it. Would you add in anything around it being capable of being financially supportive of your life? Or do you think that comes as a natural progression of doing those two things? It's a really good question. I mean, I don't want to dismiss the importance of being sort of financially secure, but I certainly, you know, I'm not on stages talking about financial literacy and like that. But I would certainly say that following your heart is absolutely a must. And I think by doing so, I think the finance of it sorts itself out. And I can only say that through my experience, but I have seen it for others as well.

1:41Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So let's go back then. First part of your definition was finding out what you want or finding out what's important to you and that sort of thing. How did that happen for you and advice for others that are struggling with that right now or advice for others who are close to it, but not sure they've got it? Sure. Well, as the impeccable intro that Ben put together, you may know that I have a bucket list and I've been doing that for 16 years. And there's been a ripple effect that's gone on to influence and impact lots of people around the world. So I'm very grateful and thrilled and surprised at the same time.

2:18I wasn't obviously doing this my whole life. I was sort of going through that natural, I would say rigmarole, but that blueprint that a lot of us go through, finish school, certainly in Australia. I would say it's also in the US as well. Finish high school, go to college or university, come out, get a job, a career and, you know, try and set up for retirement. But a couple of things happened for me. I lost a friend when I was 25 years old, a childhood friend called Chris. And that was obviously a moment that kind of stopped me in my tracks and gave me a sense of perspective on my own life where I realized I was unhappy and I was without purpose.

2:53I didn't feel alive. I didn't feel good, ultimately. And that was the moment that I started writing down a bucket list, sort of predicated by the question, what do I think would make me live a better life? you know, involving experiences that I would never have dreamt of doing beforehand, you know, maybe experiencing people in different ways, etc. And so I dropped everything in my life to pursue that. So that was the perspective shift for me. And I mean, cut me off where you need to, but it seems to me having, you know, worked in this space now for a long time, that perspective is almost the first thing that's needed for someone to make that change.

3:33And usually we hear that when someone goes through an adversity, being diagnosed with an illness, losing someone close to them, going through a professional or a romantic transition, heartbreak, etc. But what I'm also discovering is that there is such a thing as, well, I guess it's creating that perspective without having to wait for that dark moment. I was just thinking exactly that. How do we, I mean, I don't want to wait until I almost die or someone, you know, has a thing before I change my life. What if I just want to, if I'm not at that happiness and we'll get to happiness and fulfillment in a moment, but is there a few things I can do to do that, to get me on that road?

4:14A hundred percent. Yeah, I believe there is. I think if you speak to the people who have done that thing, who have got that perspective, I mean, the answer is almost in the question. It's how do you get perspective without a dark moment or adversity? and I think it's just knowing that you can press pause at any moment and just simply give yourself permission being the kind of actionable word permission to think about yourself reflect on where you've come from I do a lot of um obviously keynotes and breakout sessions etc workshops so I would get someone to write a eulogy actually pretend that today is their last day on the planet and what would be said truthfully about every aspect of your life not to be overly critical or not to judge per se, but more so just to get an idea on the things that you're doing well, or the things that you're not doing well.

5:00And typically, the topics that come up in those situations, those conversations or work revolve around, you know, career, personal development, did I chase my dreams? Was I a good friend? Was I a good family member that I contribute to the world? You know, did I travel? Was I as creative as I wanted to be, etc. And in those moments, good or bad, the purpose of it is just to understand what's important to you. that's the key if you imagine a wheel of life a bicycle wheel which i'm going to call the wheel of life um what we're trying to do is identify the spokes that make your wheels strong and so that's the i would say the first step you're trying to get perspective on that the second thing that i think a lot of people lack um until of course adversity hits is a lack of vision so clarity on what they actually want to do on a micro or macro level the third i believe is with generally, unfortunately, and I was absolutely this as well, I had an absence of community that inspired me or supported me or encouraged me.

5:57As you know, Jim Rohn once said, we're the average of the five closest people to us. So that's something that I think is lacking for a lot of people, including myself at one point, that's since changed. And then the last thing I think is fear, we let fear control us a lot. And that's obviously a very, you know, we can deep dive into that fear of judgment, fear of change, fear of failure, you know, fear of the unknown, etc. But if you can grasp those concepts and work through them, as I'm very fortunate to do with lots of people, I have seen firsthand that you can actually create that perspective without having to wait for a darker moment.

6:32Now, I notice when I get people to actually build a dream chart or a dream journal, anything that is bucket list-y style way of doing something, it's a big interrupt or a patent interrupt in their life that they go, holy shit, none of this is ever going to happen if I keep doing the current thing. What is it that you think happens in someone's mind when they get that? None of that's happening if I keep going this way. Yeah. I mean, I guess that's referred to like, you know, the aha moment, you know, something like that. I mean, I think it's, I think people react to that very differently. For some, it's very confronting and some go running in the other direction because, you know, the fear of change brings up so much internally.

7:16I mean, on a psychological level, we don't know if we're, you know, the future is unpredictable with change. And some of us don't like that. We might lose our power or our influence or our identity, stuff like that. So we simply choose not to change. And whereas others, I suppose I am an example of this, think, shit, I've been doing this wrong. Now is the opportunity and you fling yourself at it. Yeah, you're a definite deep end kind of guy. I think a lot of people like the shallow end a little more than Seb. Yeah, I do. I like it. But it's not to say, I mean, I barely read, by the way. I don't want to give my secret away.

7:51I barely read. But I did read at one point James Clear's Atomic Habits. And I can't quite remember the quote, but it's something to the, maybe you know it. It's a significant change in your life doesn't require radical change. That's definitely wrong, but you know what I mean. So yeah, you don't have to do what I did. You don't have to write a bucket list and then drop everything in your life and pursue it and burn every single bridge professionally, personally, etc. That's not it. What I find is that really, actually, all that anyone needs to do to feel an instant kick in a positive direction is to identify one thing and just do one action, take one action step towards it, and the process begins.

8:32It's as simple as that. You know, when we look at that whole taking one step, first step, I find that the difference between someone with a bucket list and someone without one is one hour of your life. It's like going to your calendar, stating clearly, I will for one hour sit down and come up with a few things that I want in my bucket list, things I want to do before the end of my life. And I mean, I know because you do the workshop of it, you make them do it like in the room, like you're in my room, you will do this right now, right here. If I'm not in your room, convince me to put that hour in my calendar.

9:12Why is that so dang important? I want to hear your version of that, Seb. Well, firstly, I don't think it even takes an hour. I mean, there's not a specific time, but genuinely 10 minutes is enough. Again, it's permission. Let me, I'll give you an example. I have a friend of mine called Tal, Talmage. And at the age of 32, went to the doctor's routine checkup, diagnosed with an aggressive stage four cancer. Very soon after that, told he had six months to live. So Tal, now with this perspective that we're talking about, decided that he wouldn't just go home and say goodbye to his friends, as was suggested by the doctor.

9:46Instead, he prioritized the one goal in his life that he'd always wanted to do, which was to go on a shopping spree. So Tal had no money. He went to four separate banks, got four separate credit cards, then took off. for the last six months of his life as a 32-year-old buying clothes. $90 ,000 worth of debt he got himself into in the next six months as a 32-year-old because it was his last six months on earth, apparently. He's now 60, beaten cancer, healthier than ever, in huge debt, and really, really well-dressed. And what it goes to show is it doesn't really take an hour. It takes a split second.

10:20So for someone, again, who hasn't gone, someone who's by themselves, and they might be listening to this and they're like, well, how do I start? I hate to oversimplify it, but it's literally start. Action creates progress. Action creates confidence. It creates momentum. And there's so much psychologically from a brain chemistry point of view. Dopamine, serotonin are released into the body. Again, I'm spitting out things which are very, very generic and known, but dopamine is addictive. It's released in the anticipation of doing something that's exciting to you. Serotonin has the capacity to reduce depression, to regulate anxiety.

10:58And these chemicals aren't just released when we achieve a goal, but they are released from the moment we write a goal down. And that takes three and a half seconds. So for anyone listening to this, like, well, how do I get started? Get a piece of paper, get your phone out, go to notes, whatever it is, and just pause everything in your life. Think about yourself selfishly and just think what could I do that would make me smile and write it down and pass that yes then you can create a bit of an action plan I would then argue that you actually need to tell somebody tell somebody your goal and you know in that comes action too so there you go yeah write it in the chat of this uh of this podcast if you're watching on a platform that has a chat but I make like when people come with me I actually buy them a bucket list journal I just call it their journal and get them to make a list of 20 subjects like restaurants I want to eat at or places I want to visit or events I want to go to or people I want to meet like just come up with even just categories not specific things just categories you know and get started my kids though seven I'm not sure if you've done this my kids I literally my wife has a great craft room at home.

12:13So I went down and grabbed a whole bunch of cardboard sheets. You know, they're like a three foot by two foot sort of thing and threw them on the table and some scissors and glue. And I just, I'd been to the store and I just bought a pile of magazines. It didn't matter what the subject was because I knew in some magazine, one of my kids will have an interest in something. Threw them on the table and said, kids, I want you to tear out 100 photographs or 100 pictures or 100 words or 100 things. And God, they had fun. But if I could just say to anyone, go to the supermarket or the newsagent or wherever and buy two dozen magazines, tear stuff out, stick it down.

12:53God, it's easy. It's so easy. Yeah. And you're sort of priming the mind in that sense, right? You're allowing yourself access to opportunities and ideas that you might not have yourself. We all know a couple of things that we want to do. Everyone, you know, I don't know, common things are do Machu Picchu, climb Base Camp Everest, do a marathon, propose, have kids like that. But you also, you know, when I created my list, I also asked people what was important to them. And I learned things along the way too. So I think it's starting that ongoing conversation, both literally and metaphorically with yourself.

13:27I mean, to your point, I think a really beautiful activity for a family to do is to at the dinner table, go around and share goals, actually just talk to each other. What's really important to you? What's really important to you, your kids, your wife, your spouse, your whoever, whoever has dinner with you. And I think that's a beautiful conversation. You start to learn things about people. You get to see actually what's important to them, what drives them, what their values are. And once those things are shared, what we find every single time is that because innately as people we're wired to connect and help and support, you will say, oh, Brad, I didn't know you wanted to learn how to bake a cake.

14:04I can't, but I know someone who could help you out. And that just forces organic, it doesn't force, sorry. It just produces organic connection and help. That's the best part. When I'm on a stage now, I'm so excited for some reason about this chat. When I'm on a stage now, I will have everyone share their goals with me before the talk. And I will then share to the room some of the goals that were shared with me. And on every single occasion, someone will stand up in the crowd and say, I can help with that. It's miraculous. Even my story, this wasn't ever meant to be known. I didn't have a plan to write a book or have a show or speak.

14:45I just wanted to become happier. And as soon as people started seeing somehow through social media, I guess, my story and then media outlets, traditional outlets would print a story or have me do a morning show, I would get inundated with strangers around the world saying hey we know that um you want to go to burning man come with our crew or we know that you're looking to you do whatever we can give you accommodation here it people are good people are good that's another separate point but an important one we're surrounded by good people um but i think they're only activated when you're truly vulnerable and uh open about what's important to you well the the old gove couplet about until one is committed there is nothing like the magic happens the moment you commit to it and there's a magic and you set it, you write it down.

15:34There is a magic and now I've seen studies in it as to why it happens, but handwriting it is so much more powerful than just typing that stuff in, having a journal that you write in. I carried my dream journal for like probably, when my wife and I got married, we both carried it for like probably three, four, five months because you'd be in a place and you'd go, hey, what about that? And you go, yeah, let's write that in. Hey, what about that? And you'd write it in. It just, it's crazy how, you know, opening that, the magazines gave me ideas and things. I want to flip it over for one second. I caught myself as a young man putting photographs of yachts on my thing.

16:21And I freaking hate boats. I'm not a, well, I don't hate them. I'm just, I'm not a lover of boats, you know? Of course I had to marry someone who loves boats. So we're on them all the dang time, but you know, I love helicopters. I love jets. Uh, how do we stop falling for the generic goals that we think the world should, you know, that we think we should do and how do we get into our own goals type thing? Yeah. I mean, I, by the way, I don't think there should ever be any judgment on what the goals are. I mean, for one person, having a maxi yacht is really important and that's great if that's true and authentic to them.

16:57For someone else, it might not be. I think, yeah, the more important question you ask is, well, how do we like genuinely go inside and try and understand ourselves on a genuine level? I think that, I mean, there's a lot of ways you can position it. You know, if I actually heard, I can't remember his name. I heard an Australian, he's a monk, but he also was a keynote speaker. Oh, I wish I knew his name because I'd love to reference him, but he said this thing once to a crowd and he said, he said to a lady in the audience, if, if, if the world was ending today, what would you do right now? Would you stay at this, this, this event and listen to me speak?

17:33And she said, no. He said, what would you do? And she said, well, I would go home and to my family. He's like, well, what if on the way home, there were your favorite stores and brands and they were all giving away stuff for free. Would you stop in? And she said, no, I'd go straight to my family. And he, you know, kept coming up with options and great opportunities, seemingly on the way home. And she kept saying, no, no, no, I would go home and spend time with my family. And he said, isn't it interesting that when time we realize how finite it is, we get exponential clarity on what's important to us.

18:02And, you know, I think if you're able to sort of think about that, whether it's sort of doing a eulogy or sitting down and just trying to give yourself permission on, okay, what is it I truly, truly want? I think in that clarity comes the, you know, the actual understanding of what's important to For those people in that moment who do say, well, you know what, I want to buy a boat or I, you know, fantastic. And for other people who think, you know, I just need to say sorry to my dad. Fantastic. And it can be both. I mean, the beauty of a list, as you said earlier, there's all these different categories, you know, and again, having done lots of work in this area.

18:35There are 12. I'm not going to be able to remember them all. But, you know, there is personal development, professional development slash career, impact, creativity, faith slash spirituality. travel, personal challenge. It goes on and on. But it means to say that the same person can have, start a charity, fly in a jet. Who cares? As long as it's important to you. Yeah, I think there's too much focus when we talk bucket list on things. There's not enough focus on experiences. You know, people crave experiences and transformations more than they crave things or knowledge or anything. And it's like, when I try and, not when I try, when I put together events for people, it's not about what they're going to learn.

19:25It's about who they're going to become by coming to that event. It's like my entrepreneurs training. It's like, I create you into an entrepreneur, not a business owner, not somebody who runs one company, but someone who is an entrepreneur, buys, sells, builds companies sort of thing. And I think that what you do is great around that. And I want to talk about two words next, fulfillment and happiness. Can you give me your thoughts on both of those words? What do they mean to you or what have you seen out there in the world? And then let's get into how those things become more a part of our day-to-day life.

20:03Sure. Well, I mean, look, I admitted earlier, I don't read too much, but I'm aware that those words get mixed up a lot. to the best of my sort of understanding, I suppose happiness is something which is perhaps more fleeting. You feel happy in a moment. Whereas I think fulfillment, was that the other word, fulfillment? Yeah, I think fulfillment is probably something which is longer lasting and perhaps takes a little longer to get to. You know, I would argue that both are obviously crucial, and I think one leads to the other. I think happiness over a consistent amount of time leads to a moment of fulfillment.

20:38I think fulfillment arguably is when you are, as a human, I think there are four pillars that allow us to feel fulfilled. I think the first one is being expressed. If we are expressing ourselves in and out of the workplace, that is expression. That is one really crucial element. The other is feeling as though we have full agency over our life. The truth is we can do anything we want at any moment right now. What do you want to do? If we feel that we have that and the decisions that we're making are things which reflect our values and our beliefs well but you have agency the third part is I think through the first two is finding meaning or purpose if you will uh if you have meaning if you really feel as people we deserve to feel that what we do matters by ourselves with our family with our friends in our workspace with strength we just want to feel that what we do matters and that we matter and I think the fourth part is connection.

21:31If you feel that you truly are connected to yourself, which is a big conversation, and then from that, you feel that you're more able to connect with the people in the world around you. I think that's the last element. So I would say happiness is something you feel when you do something that, you know, makes you smile, essentially, to overly simplify it. And then I think fulfillment is when you feel expressed, you have agency, you have meaning, and you connect. Yeah. Yeah. I think, you know, a lot more of our world needs to be about fulfillment. A lot more of our life needs to be about fulfillment than we have.

22:03And I think it's one of the reasons I do this podcast is to help people find strategies to be better at life, you know, and that's becoming better, doing better, and ultimately then having better. One of the things that I think, Seb, you touched on, it's surrounding yourself with people that supported you as a part of your journey. How is it that, you know, we can do great by ourselves, but when, you know, life is a team sport, I guess. Business is a team sport. Tell me more about your theories on getting and surrounding yourself with that group and what that leads to. Well, hey there, and thanks for listening.

22:46I've noticed that 78 % of you are brand new, which means you haven't hit the subscribe button yet. By subscribing, you help us bring on even better guests, better quality content, and serve you better with even more podcasts. So please hit that subscribe button. It only takes a second. It makes a huge difference. If you support us, we're going to support your success and help you achieve big success together. Yeah, I mean, I love this subject. I mean, I truly think that any successful team or family or community or organization, you know, I think it's predicated on the individuals being strong within that.

23:21And so I would say there's almost like three steps. I think there is we have to think about me first, not me, Seb Terry, but you. This is already confusing. But you start with me. you know, how do you identify and chase goals that are holistic and allows you to uncover an amount of passion or purpose, let's say, along the way? So how do you just fully feel optimized through the way that we show up to the world? I think the second part to that is then you. You're shifting a me focus to a you focus, i.e. the people around you. How do you ignite the best in others? I think that's quite literally by, I mean, if I was on a stage, I would get people to ask three questions to one another, which is you would ask the person next to you, what's important to you?

24:05What's stopping you from doing that so far? And where do you need support? It allows people to feel seen and heard and, you know, valued and acknowledged. They're given a voice, which is really important for setting, you know, for shining a light on someone else and them getting to a place where they can also chase their most important goals. And then I think the biggest shift is, you know, turning a me and you into an us. And I think that comes down to essentially creating a shared vision, again, as a family, as a community, as a business, you're able to create a shared vision, and then you give access to that vision to everyone.

24:38So everyone has a place. And then through the doing of that shared vision, you know, I think you're amplifying the message, amplifying the impact. I think we find on every single occasion, yes, we're strong alone, but we are better together. I mean, I'll give a really real example, actually, maybe it's a bit too personal, but whatever. I've just come out of a relationship and I thought that this girl was the person. I was absolutely set. And it sort of became a little bit clearer that maybe that wasn't the case. Long story short, through this breakup period, which I'm just on the other side of, I have realized, I spoke to my therapist about this too.

25:19I have spoken to good friends and my therapist about this. And because of those people around me, I have come through in a way where I feel not just like back on track, but better than before. And that is, I could not have done that alone. We are strong as individuals. We are resilient. We are creative. You know, we can become motivated, et cetera, but we just are far better together that that's why i'm able to sit here and feel so bloody alive to be honest so again um you know the the lesson or maybe the takeaway for anyone who's listening might be well how do i find those people well you find them and and they find you too seb it's not just you finding them it's them finding you yeah you stick a flag in the ground a stake in your in the ground you're like hey this is me this is what's important to me this is what i'm striving for this is what I stand for.

26:13And then people see that and you, and they gather around you. It's, you know, build it and they will come type of mentality. Seb, I want to touch on something that really wasn't going to focus in on today, but because of your story there, uh, men on average suck at talking to their friends about emotional problems, life, the universe, especially Australian men. I think American men very much fall into the same category. I probably haven't been to a country where men are far better at talking about their emotions than some European countries and some Latin American countries. But what is it then you think for you that led you to a place where and what are some advice you can give to people so that they are more OK with being men talking about emotions?

27:05Yeah, you're right. I mean, there's certainly that, I don't know, is that the toxic masculinity? Maybe that's something slightly different. Yeah, I think that's taking it to the nth degree is toxic masculinity. I think it doesn't have to be toxic. It can just be, yeah, I'd rather talk about sport than actually tell one of my buddies I'm feeling down. Yeah, we hold on to stuff. You're absolutely right. I mean, I live in Venice, California, so everyone here is sharing everything. It's the opposite. But I mean, look, again, I can only sort of share through my experience that since moving, I've been in the US now for eight years from Australia.