Brianna LaPaglia - How To Leave Toxic Relationships, Find Your Voice, & Build An Unfiltered Career

21:05Michael Bosstick:Like, what do you think the pushback is outside of like, if he has a crazy fan base, like in general, what do you think the criticism of you is? Because it sounds like when I read you, It's like very driven, you know, self-sufficient, turned down a lot of money for bad behavior, like building your own thing. To me, it was like, this is really inspiring. Like what's, so what do you think it is? Yeah, I don't know. I think I am not the perfect victim in a lot of people's eyes. And I don't think anyone is ever the perfect victim. I'm a very outspoken, loud woman. I say it how it is. I don't hold back.

21:36I don't try to fit myself in a box. If I don't like you, I make it known. If I don't like someone doing something, I'm loud about it. and I think people just don't take that the right way or don't like that which is okay everyone can have their own opinions but I think people use that against me and they're like oh well she's not perfect she said this she did that she's lying she's the worst I don't know it's crazy I think when you do this job you guys know I'm sure you open yourself up to speculation and to just anything really so I don't know it's crazy to see how things shift because one day like you're God for doing this and everyone commends you.

22:13And then the next day it's like, okay, we're building this person up too much. Let's tear them down. You kind of see it with everyone on social media. They get this big build and then it's like, okay, they're too high. Let's all turn on them. You're so right. It happens every day. It's crazy. Happens all the time. Michael and I were talking about this. Someone we saw go really high and then people just want to tear them down if you get a little too high. Yes. If you get a little too drunk off your own supply. It's very interesting. You're right. It's very formulaic.

22:43Michael Bosstick:Well, people, you know, like there's that old saying, it's like everyone wants you to do well until you're doing better than them. Yes. Right. And it's like we root for people on the climb, but we root even harder for people on the decline. Right. Like and, you know, I think that I think that's mostly a reflection of the person who's excited about that. Like Lauren and I are older than you and we've been around for a little while and you and we've seen a lot of people up and down and even us up and down. But there's this there's this thing, especially these days on the Internet, where people are happy for you to a point.

23:12Yes.

23:13Michael Bosstick:And then there's words like unrelatable or unattainable or there's like, well, you know, all you can really do in this is live how you want to live and try to to create a productive life. But you can't satisfy everybody on every corner of the Internet. It's impossible. No, you can't. And isn't it so crazy with like the unrelatable stuff? They want you to like get they want you to get famous. They want you to get all these brand deals. They want you to do all these things. And it's like with that comes with money or like new things, shiny cars and things like that. And it's like, you're not relatable anymore.

23:44But it's like, fuck, guys, you got me here. I don't know what to do. Do you want me to just sit in what I was or build on what I'm making? It's such a weird, like paradoxical thing. When you get comments now that are negative, does it even bother you or you're so used to? Oh, gosh, no, no, it never did, though. Like with positive or negative, it never bothers me. As long as people are commenting. I think like that's the point of the internet. You just need conversation, discourse. And I love the people that support me, but I don't hold any value in positive or negative feedback because the people don't know you.

24:15Like if I held value in the negative, then I would or in the positive, I would have to hold value in the negative. And I feel the same. Do you even read through it? No, I will read when I first post my videos. I'll read comments because I like to reply to people that like support me. But other than that, once it like goes up. I don't check it the next day or anything. I think that's a healthy relationship with the phone. Yeah. How have you managed to do that with everything you've got going on and being so front facing? I think it's just a boundary for yourself. If you sit there and spiral and read too much or like see what people are saying about you, start to warp the way that you present yourself.

24:52And it's like, holy shit, am I even doing this for me or am I trying to be this version of myself that people want to see? And I always see that I fail when I do that, when I try to like turn myself into what people want me to be. People can tell that you're not being authentic. So I just kind of post. I'm like a post and get off my phone type of girl. I love that. Post and get off my phone. Yeah. I, when I got pregnant, I clicked on TikTok, like right when I got pregnant. Which time? The third time. Oh my gosh. Wait, you guys have three babies? Three kids. Oh my gosh. I know. It's a madhouse.

25:27That's awesome. It's a madhouse. You guys look so like young and perfect

25:36but what but with my third baby I clicked on TikTok like the week after I got pregnant and I swear to god the baby like intuitively was telling me no like don't click on that oh my god and so for the whole pregnancy I decided I'm not clicking on it once I didn't click on it once I had I sent my team what I wanted to post and they would post it with my caption and I would I just didn't go on it. Well, yeah, the doom scrolling gets bad. I just I just there's something about it that I just I don't know. It didn't sit right. Anyway, after I had the baby, I didn't want to go back on it. Like there's just something in me that was like, you know what?

26:13I don't have to allow this access to me. I don't have to allow me getting sucked in a vortex. I just don't want to do it. And I still haven't gone on it. We broke the it's an addiction. That's what it is. We don't realize that we're actually addicted to it. So you not going on it while you're pregnant. It's like The frequency of it pregnant, it just, it doesn't mix. I don't, I can't explain it. You just feel like you're, you feel you're pregnant, you're happy, you're hormonal, you're all these different things. And the TikTok frequency doesn't match. That should be a telltale sign that TikTok's toxic.

26:49The pregnant lady said no. The pregnant lady said no. The pregnant lady's right.

26:53Michael Bosstick:It's a bummer because like early days of social media and the internet, you would mostly only have interactions with like positive people, right? And now, and you know, it's because of the way these algorithms exist. Like sometimes you have people that I guess are invited to the party or see the party. I'm just using like the post that really like aren't there for the right reasons or aren't happy and don't even know who you are, but they just want to say something to tear you down. It's hard because in the early days of this, we used to interact and look at everything. And now we do a lot less of that.

27:21Michael Bosstick:Not that we don't want to talk to people, but it's just, it's too hard. I feel like today on social media, people's relationship are based off of hating the same things. like if they hate the same things they feel like they're besties in a comment section and it's like a common denominator I haven't opened up a comment section on TikTok on anyone's videos and it's been positive in so long I'm like what are we doing and hate to be to be brought together I know if you really think about what you just said if you're gathered around hate and hate group think, I would examine that because you're inviting that into your world.

27:59That's your energy that you give off every day. That's who you are in life. If you're doing that, if you're involved in a hate forum or a discord or a Reddit page of all hate, think about that. You are doing something based off of hatred. That is such an evil, vile thing. It's wild. I also think that you have a thermometer of energy every single day. And if you're wasting that on hate, it's taking away from things that could be really productive and positive. You have been transparent about cosmetic procedures. Yes, I have. So have I. Who cares? Like I'm very I feel like this since I started the Internet.

28:35It's like, yeah, it's the big deal. Is there anything that you've been curious about our audience wants to know or considering next? Oh, I have been curious about the fact that all of my skinny friends get liposuction. And I am like, wait, what the hell? Everyone gets lipo. I can't believe it. I cannot fucking believe it. I feel it's and like actually there's a doctor that's amazing that just works on thin people. Skinny lipo. Yeah. Is it the guy in New York? Yes. Dr. Neistat. Yes. Yes. I get I get my Botox at a nurse Tara at his office and he was like, yeah, you're the perfect candidate. I love one offender.

29:15We text each other. We are in a book club together. It's just me and I call him Dr. Neistat. What did you just call him? Maybe I called him the wrong name. Neistat. Yeah. Okay. I call him Dr. Neistat. I'm thinking Casey Neistat. I'm thinking, but it is Dr. Neistat. It is, yes. So we're in a book club and we text books recommendations back. He just texts me Lionel Richie's book, Michael. And Michael goes, wow, Lionel Richie's book. And I said, yeah. So are you actually going to read it?

29:39Michael Bosstick:I mean, listen, I love Lionel Richie, but I saw it on the side. I was like, you're going to read it. I am going to read it. So, but yes, that is who I'm talking about. Yes. He's a friend and he was telling me how most of the people that he works on are thin. Yes. that just it's shocking to me I think it's I think more people need to talk about that because that is where the unrealistic beauty standards really come in where it's like these skinny girls are so skinny they look perfect and it's like they're built like that they work out but no they actually got lipo I think it's like they want to shape a certain way yeah and so I what I've realized is everyone's pulling out every bag of tricks so it doesn't matter what you look like how thin you are how this you are how that you are like everyone's figuring something out whether it's Botox or filler or lipo or body sculpting.

30:25Michael, are you still with us? I'm still with you. Everyone's like, everyone's doing something. We had Dr.

30:31Michael Bosstick:DeBrow and Terry DeBrow and Heather DeBrow on the show. They literally episode's out today and they were talking all about these different kinds of procedures that people are doing, not doing, what to do, what not to do. Oh, wow. They were talking about, what is it, the forever 35 face? What's that? What is that, like a facelift or something? It's like a lower facelift and like a little neck pinch back. Oh my gosh. So when do you get it? When you're 35? Well, what they're saying is that essentially like he was saying as a surgeon who's done a lot of this stuff, like you have to be careful because you're like freezing yourself in time.

30:59But who doesn't want to do that?

31:01Michael Bosstick:Well, it depends like, you know, like if you have the 35 face, but you're like 65, it just looks a little like alien. You don't want to look like funky. You know? Yeah. You always see that with some facelifts where it's like your lips are like, you look scary. Facelifts are a scary thing. Yeah. You have to be careful. You have to go to the right doctor. He was telling me like men are doing these things, but then they look like kind of crazy and feminine. Oh, OK. Wait, have you guys seen Bradley Cooper looking different recently? I feel like maybe there's like Levine situations happening. Yeah.

31:31I'm like, what the hell is going on? Everyone like looks a little like tucked and different. Like, when did they have time for this?

31:37Michael Bosstick:I'm actually 72. Oh, perfect. Forever 35. You know what? One of the tricks is change your hair color. Oh, to distract. Uh-huh. There's been a lot of changing hair colors. with lots of different things. That's smart. It's like a little subtle distraction. Like, no, I got new weave. So if you see me with bright blonde hair, you'll know that maybe I had a little nip tuck. I love that. You used to have bright platinum blonde hair and then you change your hair. Yeah, but I didn't get anything done then. I hate to break it to everyone, but you never know. I'm not hating on anything. What procedure have you come out with that you've shared with the audience?

32:17I, so I, everything I've ever done. I knew once I had a little bit of money, I always wanted a breast augmentation and then a nose job. Okay. Yeah. So, I mean, like, it's not like you're, I mean, it's not like, it's like, no, I always knew I wanted that. Like I broke my nose in high school. It was awful. My nose was like crooked. Couldn't breathe. Always knew I was getting a nose job. And I always was like, Hey guys, follow me so I can get a nose job. Like I was very honest Does it hurt? No. The nose job? No. No. No, I didn't even bruise. No bruise? No. What was harder, that or special forces?

32:50Special forces. I would get 14 more nose jobs before I went through special forces. Weren't you worried about your new nose in special forces? So funny. So there was an episode where we have to fist fight each other. And Gia and Teresa both have nose jobs as well. Okay. And they're like, I can't, I can't fight. I have a nose job. I can't do this. Like, I'm so scared. I'm going to break my nose. I, for some reason, I just go in the zone and I forget about it. So, but I was like, no one's going to hit my nose. I'm going to hit their nose. But they were so scared about it. And I think that might be half the reason Teresa might have tapped out.

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34:40Oh my God, no, that's terrifying. I was like, Gia, just keep your hands in front of your face. No, you don't want to mess with the nose. If there's women who are listening that feel stuck in a toxic relationship and they're afraid to speak up, and I feel like you're the perfect person to ask this, what do you want them to know? Okay, so if you're afraid to speak up in the sense of say it out loud to yourself, You need to ask yourself What position am I going to be in in 10 years from now? That's what I kept asking myself. I'm like this hasn't gotten better. It's only been getting worse. I am miserable I don't recognize myself look in the mirror and ask yourself.

35:14Will I be happy in 10 years? Do I have the potential to be happy without this person? I think a lot of people get stuck and scared because they think without them There'll be nothing and they can't find happiness again. You have to remember you are a person a whole entire human being with a life and love before you even knew this partner existed, you can always return back to who you were because you were that person first. If you stay with this person, you're never going to get her back. So I think it's really important to remember before this toxic relationship, you were a whole being on your own and you're not.

35:49I think with toxicity and trauma bonding in relationships, you feel like you become one and you can't live without that person, you have to, it's a choice. You have to wake up and remind yourself that you were someone before them and you can be someone after them. I think that's really important.

36:05Michael Bosstick:When you say trauma bonding, what does that mean to you? So with, at least in a narcissistic relationship, like abusive relationship with a narcissist, it's a cycle that they put you through where they will build you up and they'll make you the best thing in the world and then they'll break you down and then they're the only person that's there to comfort you because they isolate you. They don't allow you to talk to your family, to your friends. And then you're needing their love back. You're craving it. So you'll get into a blowout fight with them because of something they did, but they don't want to hear why you're upset.

36:38They will be the person that breaks you down, but then they're also the person to comfort you. So you're trauma bonded with them as if they're the only person that can help you because narcissists do this thing where they isolate you, where you can't talk to your friends, You can't tell your family about it and it genuinely does feel like oh my gosh That's my only source of anything like that's all I have if this power source is cut off. I'm nothing It's just so not true But I can't express like if you haven't experienced it's it might be hard to understand but I can't express like Anyone listening to this how much I understand How stuck you feel but I want you to know you can get out of it.

37:14It takes like dedication I felt like I was going back to school when I was trying to get better from it Like you have to teach yourself, you have to learn and you have to put in the work. It almost sounds like Stockholm syndrome. It is exactly like that. Like, isn't there also something where like the kidnap, someone gets kidnapped and the person falls in love with the kidnapper? Yeah. Because that's what they do, I think. Yes. They like build you up. It's like Stockholm syndrome, yeah. Yeah, they build you up and then they tear you down and then they've isolated you so there's no one that, like you said, can comfort them.

37:47It's your only source, yeah. It's your only source. I mean, for you to be able to look back, though, and see that is incredible. Was that therapy or just? I think it was a mixture of both. I also think people tend to forget I'm only one year out of this. Like it's just been a year, I think yesterday. So it it takes, I think, a lot more time than a year. But I'm I think I was so checked out probably before it happened that I kind of had time to realize what was going on. So maybe it's been like a year and a half for me. Technically, it does take therapy and it takes like you have to be so patient and give yourself grace because it's not a linear thing where I still struggle.

38:29I still have the CPTSD from it. So it's not like an overnight, oh my gosh, I'm better. And I think the reality of realizing you're never going to be exactly the person you were before it happened is a big like stepping stone. You kind of have to accept that you're not going to be exactly the same person after going through trauma like that. That was a hard pill for me to swallow. But once I accepted that, I think I came out on the other side better for it. What was your epiphany to like you were done? I think that my family and my friends didn't recognize me anymore. It's heartbreaking to like walk into a room with your family and friends and they're on edge or they don't know how to talk to you anymore.

39:08They don't know like what's going on. They're scared. They're walking on eggshells with you.

39:12Michael Bosstick:And in what way do they not recognize you as like the way that you were speaking, the way you were presenting yourself like yeah so i used to be very well i am again thank god but i would walk into a room the loud not the loudest but i'm just like outgoing i want to talk to everyone i'm happy i'm asking questions i'm very inquisitive and throughout that relationship i was kind of put in a corner told not to speak i was told when i was allowed to talk and like things are i was allowed to do and who i was supposed to be because if i upset this person i knew what was going to happen so that translated into my friendships where or my with my family i would go sit down and have conversations and I would just be like, I was just shell of a human.

39:49So they were like, where's Brianna? Like, I don't understand where this happy go lucky girl is. You're saying that this relationship is perfect, but you can't even like look me in my eyes or have a, like, I wouldn't make jokes anymore. I wouldn't ask questions. I would just kind of sit there and speak when spoken to.

40:04Michael Bosstick:We were talking to Mel Robbins the other day and she was talking about relationships in general. And she says, you know, it's not your person to maybe the wrong relationship. If your life gets smaller meaning like less interactions with friends less interactions with family it all becomes about that one person she's like that's a good indicator for anyone if they're wondering if they're in the right relationship with the right person yeah like your life should get bigger with the right person she was saying that you should have more hobbies you should have more family you should have the person should bring more abundance into your life it shouldn't be scarcity like for example lorna i've been we've been married a long time but in our world it's like her family became my family my family became her family like grandparents all of that but she's saying the way that you know that it's the opposite as if everything if you become isolated away that's just like an indicator for anyone that's listening or watching to know that like it might not be the right fit yes 100 and i think it's hard to see it while you're in it like you don't really realize it's happening and in the beginning you're like love bombed or blinded by it and that's so true if your life is getting smaller it's like damn this probably isn't well a lot of time those individuals men and women have their own faults and they are worried that other people around you that have your best interests are going to see those faults.

41:11Michael Bosstick:So they remove that opportunity for those people to either see you or see them for who they are. Yeah, that's exactly what happened. How did you know you were dealing with a narcissist? Because this is the thing. This is my opinion. I think everyone has narcissistic tendencies. I think some are, it's a spectrum, right? Some are strong, some are not. But then there's an actual real narcissist. How did you know you were dealing with like a real full-blown? I mean If you just spent one day with this guy you guys would be like or for 10 minutes. You'd be like, okay Oh, it's that quick. Yes Everyone in his life knows that even his people closest to him like that's would be the conversations with me It's like he's a narcissist like but I I am it's hard and it's different This is why I don't really talk about him in the aspect of telling the things because he is this like superstar And when you're dating someone that's a superstar, you're like, okay maybe they are allowed to have those feelings or think they're better than people because are they like he would make me think he is because he like sells out stadiums or whatever but like it was just a normal day tendency the way that you talk about people and the way that you think you're better than everyone around you I was like oh my gosh okay this is crazy but I didn't like really know exactly who I was dealing with until after speaking with a therapist that like specializes in narcissistic abuse I was like oh fuck I didn't even I just thought this was the worst guy ever.

42:30I didn't know there was like a type for it, you know. If someone's listening and they think they could be in a relationship with a narcissist, what are the signs that the therapist told you? I would. So I think what I kind of talked about in the beginning is this cycle of where they minimize things and they isolate you. So they build you up and they break you down and then they isolate you where you're their only like they are your only source. That's where I was like, oh my gosh. And if that is a pattern that happens every day or every week, that's who you're dealing with. And it's, you're just a, like a supply for them.

43:03You're not, they don't actually have any real feelings towards you. It's just what they get their supply off of you. So I would really recommend reading books about narcissistic abuse. There's one by Linda Hill, which is amazing. And there's four books in one. I think that book like saved my life.

43:19Michael Bosstick:We've done, we've done episodes with psychiatrists and doctors that do nothing but study narcissism on this show. I'm sure if people search narcissism in this show, you'll see them. And I've talked to Dr. Drew and all sorts of different people. And they say with that particular psychological issue, there is nothing you can do about it. Meaning like nothing. There's no, they said there's nothing you can do except put them on stage. Yeah. But you as a person, but I'm saying like, if you're at Thanksgiving and you're with a narcissist, put them on stage. So, oh my god that was so great what you did that's the only way to to if you're going to if you're going to have an energy but for people that may think they're with a narcissist and they want to change them there's nothing there's no changing there's no change yeah and that's what these doctors and so they said it's the one kind of like psychological issue that it's it's a childhood thing and you and you're born with it and then something triggers it and you literally can do nothing yes to change that person they can't recognize it either yeah and it sounds so That sounds so scary and negative if you're if you are with a narcissist But to me that is like that was my silver lining because I kept being told that and i'm like Holy shit.

44:23That's awesome. That means that i'm escaping this that would be forever Like if you are truly with a real narcissist Exactly that you can never change them. They will never recognize it You will be in constant hell for the rest of your life So that's the silver lining of like holy shit My life will get better because they will always be this way and they'll always be stuck in those ways I can get out of it and I can fix myself. They can't. I don't care how big your dick is, how famous you are, how much is in your account. If you're a narcissist, it sounds like to run. Yeah, run. They just break you and you lose yourself.

44:54And I'm so lucky that the positions I'm in and I have family, I have friends, I'm financially stable. A lot of people aren't. And just get out as soon as you can, because the longer you stay, it's like you're genuinely fucked.

45:08Michael Bosstick:How cathartic, if at all, was it having a public platform while you were going through this? Because obviously, like you have your own show that you do with your friends and you've got your own show. Like, do you think that was a good thing or a bad thing when it was going on to be to have a public platform? I don't know. I think I mean, I think it was really hard because it was the darkest time of my life and I had to go through it publicly and then it was scrutinized. so I just don't think people really kind of understand the weight and gravity if they haven't gone through it of what I was going through and then to have people like dog piling on top of me so I think in that sense it was it was a lot harder than it should have been but also it was a little cathartic in the sense that I found this whole like group of people that understood what I was going through that related to me and it was therapeutic to share my stories with people and to hear their stories.

46:00So I think there, it was, it was a 50, 50 split.

46:03Michael Bosstick:When you had two male co-hosts, obviously Dave and Josh, who like from what I saw, very supportive of you. Yeah. Yeah. They were very supportive. It was, it's also hard because I don't think they kind of really truly understood what happened. I think they just hated him because they knew that he hurt me, but you know, they weren't really people that I could sit down and like you know shoot the shit with and kind of like have a therapy session with they're just like I love you I'll support you I think saying it out loud I got all these new people that understood where I could talk to them about it guys are very solution oriented they want to give you the solution it's sometimes hard they they can't sometimes listen without like giving their opinion and how to fix it I've really realized that sometimes I just what did you say?

46:54Sometimes it's like just like listening is like really powerful. Yes. Yes. You know, it is a very powerful thing. Everyone on the Internet when we research you is obsessed with your friendship breakup. Yeah, it's so annoying. What's going on with the friendship breakup? Why are you everyone obsessed with my breakups? I'm I don't even want to talk about them. They do. And they're like, she won't shut up about it. Like explain to me and Michael, because this one I might need you to explain. Because I'm going to be honest with you.

47:22Michael Bosstick:I get very, I'm lost. Yeah, I'm lost. As a man, I'm like, I don't know. What is, so like, I think personally, like, I just think there's different seasons sometimes for friendships. Agreed, yeah. And I'm sure people are going to see this having no context of even who the hell we are. And they're going to be like mad at us for even talking, because I don't even understand what's going on. So you guys were doing a podcast together and you don't do a podcast together anymore. Yes, no, but that's like, we ended that together. We came we ended. So it was mutual. Yes. Yes. And that was like always public and known.

47:53So I don't know what this whole like they'd all went up in arms after my breakup with the other thing. But I've talked about it and I've talked about it on Planbury, my podcast, where it's like some people aren't meant to be in your life forever. They serve their purposes as I serve my purpose in her life. She served a purpose in my life. We're not friends anymore. People go through this every single day. Mine was just under a microscope and people became really fixated on it without knowing anything that happened. I totally agree with you. I think what I've realized is sometimes you evolve and the other person evolves and it's not the same way.

48:28Yeah, it's just not the same one person's better than the other. It's just you evolve in different directions. This fact that you have to be not fact this idea that you have to be friends with someone forever. That's not realistic. I mean, there's different seasons. I mean, I have friends that I've been friends with forever, but then there's other friends I haven't been friends with forever. You change. And I feel like it's interesting how people feel like they need to hold you to a stake because relationships break up too. You get divorced. I mean, it's kind of part of life. I know. And that's why I shared what happened because I was being, like I always am honest and vulnerable and truthful and what had happened.

49:11And it's like, damn, sometimes you are honest and open and people throw it back in your face. I think it sounds like people just really wanted to like see your, your friendship transpire on social. Like it sounds like they'd want it. Like what do you want us to get fucking married? Like, I don't know. It's just so crazy. I'm like, why, why is that you hold so much value in something that you don't know half of. Okay, so that's the juice, you guys. Friendships evolve and they go in different directions.

49:37Michael Bosstick:Sometimes it doesn't work out for the gals. Also, I think it's great too that you don't have to like share every speck of drama that's ever happened. Exactly, yeah. I mean, it's not high school. This is where men and women are different and I get shit for saying this, but like guys don't give a shit. They'd be like one day with a guy and this or not, nobody, they're like, oh, it's just like this. Yeah, guys are easy to be friends with because there isn't... Sometimes, like, I was, again, we were researching and it reminds me, you know that meme with Charlie Day from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia where he's got the diagrams and all that stuff?

50:09Michael Bosstick:It's just like, it's just not that deep. I actually think it's respectful of both of you that you guys haven't laid the cadaver on the table and dissected every last organ. Yeah, I'm like, I'm just truly not going to because it's not worth it, one, two. That was like a very important, beautiful friendship and relationship in my life that I'm not going to just go ahead and tell you every single detail about it because it just it doesn't matter. There is sometimes people just want to have some private moments. Well, I've learned I need to keep some things for myself. So I'm going to do that with that.

50:39Wait till you have kids. It's like you really have to think about how you want them to show up in this weird world that we're living in. Like some parents have their kids in the bathtub on social media and some parents show their kids being potty trained on social media. you have to like really think about how you want to present certain things like there are some things that are private for me at least I have a question for you guys since having children does do you ever change the way that you show up on your shows and sure like do you want to be seen a different way by them when they get older like do you think about that in the back of your head I am a hundred percent myself what you see is what you get but it's not a whole hundred percent of myself.

51:22So this is who I am, but you're not going to get the whole, I mean, there's 50, there's, I'd say there's 60, 50 % that's private.

51:29Michael Bosstick:But if we're being super honest, like last time we were at dinner and I was saying like, we're always like, it is like one, we've done it for so long. It's like, you kind of have to just be yourself. But as it relates to our children, it's less about like, how do we look for them? Like we are what we are. They're going to make their own deductions about that as they get older. But I'm very protective of what we share about them personally. Even like when she posts them, I said, I would be completely fine to never show our children. Yeah. And I know from like a... I post, I would say I post, just to give you context, 3 % of my children.

52:01Yeah. That's how much of, like I'll put, it's like a, you know the salt bay? Yeah. It's like a speck of salt and also it's like an actor on a stage, they're like a extra. Well, you relate to this

52:13Michael Bosstick:as somebody who creates content. There's what I deem to be engagement farming. right there's certain things and behaviors that you can do as a creator to go viral to exponentially grow to create greater monetization opportunities for yourself for a couple you could take pretty pictures holding hands and kissing and do that like lovey-dovey stuff all the time it works it tugs at people's heartstrings they relate to it they want it it does well you could show your family swinging around in a park and how do you and it'll do well like if i was consulting someone if you just wanted to make a living online to make money like great tactics you could politically go extreme left or extreme right and you will get a ton of pickup and a ton of virality again i think lauren and i are very conscious of like not engagement farming yeah that makes sense like there's there's things we could do even with you on this show that i know would be viral moments but i just i just think that it's lazy and also sometimes out of integrity does that make sense i'm not passing shade on people i really don't but for us like it's just it's not how we are like listen we love each other we've been together for a very long time but we're not skipping around on the beach holding hands.

53:18Michael Bosstick:Of course. Yeah. Yeah. You can almost, I mean, I think because we are in this industry and we know those things, we, we can see right through it, but a lot of people just eat that shit right up. Yeah. I mean, and listen, I get it. Like, you know, there's a huge, when you have children, there are a ton of brands and a ton of businesses that will pay you exorbitant amounts of money. If you have a platform as we all do to showcase them that I'm not comfortable with. Right. It's like, we signed up for this, we kind of do this, but I don't think And then you'll have part of the audience or some people that say like, hey, we support you.

53:50Michael Bosstick:We want and are sometimes entitled to see that. And it's like you got to put a boundary up. You know what I mean? You don't have to, but at least that's how we think about it. I also think if I ever do an ad, like let's say I do an ad for like laundry detergent. And they're like, put the kids in it. I'm like, no, pay them. Yeah. Pay them. Honestly. No. Yeah. No way. But it goes back to. They don't get that. No, no, no. Again, though, like what I told you earlier, and I mean this, like what I really respect about you and your story is you have integrity and values. It sounds like a lot of people would have never passed on that money or made those decisions.

54:25Michael Bosstick:And I think, you know, it would have been a real easy way to get a lot of money really quickly, but it would take you out of your values and out of integrity. So I agree. I think that's how we think about it. Yeah. I give that to my parents. I think I was just, I have beautiful, great parents that raised me the right way. So lucky for that. It seems like you're raising your kids the same way. We're trying. We're trying. little badass kids coming out of you. Yeah, we're trying. We're trying to raise them with intention. Barstool. Barstool. Give us the behind the scenes at Barstool. Like what's OK.

54:56Give us the your day to day. Like what is what is your how do you engage there? Are you always there? Are you there only to record? Yeah. So with me and Barstool, I've I've had a weird, maybe I would say kind of different upbringing at Barstool in the sense that I came in pretty hot and I just like did all of these tours. So I didn't spend much of the time in the office. I think I don't go in that much. I go in to record. I do my thing. I'm not really involved in the sports of Barstool. I'm not really involved in like the camaraderie with the guys or anything like that. I kind of just do my thing and I'm my own sector of Barstool.

55:32So yeah, I think a lot of people have different experiences at Barstool. I think I have a different experience than you would say like Chicks in the Office does or Roan has. I kind of just do my own thing. Yeah. So you come in with your briefcase and you leave with it. Yeah, pretty much. So you're professional. Yeah. I just come in, do what I have to do and then leave. What's the best advice that Dave's ever given you? I think in the beginning, I don't know if he directly gave it to me, but this is what he instills at everyone at Barstool. And I think this is why I was successful at Barstool. When you come in, no one like holds your hand or tells you what to do.

56:06They're just there strictly for resources. So when I came in, I was so confused. Like, you think you show up to this media company and they're going to tell you like what to do. Welcome to the job. I walked in. They're like, yeah, pick a desk. Yeah, try to make it work. I'm like, wait, what? Like, I don't have anything to do. So his rule at Barstool always is if you want it, get it done. Just do it. So you started there coming in as an employee? Yeah, yeah. I think I got hired 2020. I was in college when I got found by Barstool. And I think I had 100 ,000 followers on TikTok. And they picked me up.

56:44I was doing full-time Barstool, full-time college student. And then it got to a point where I was like, I need to put all of my energy into school or I need to put all of my energy into this career. So senior year of college, I dropped out, packed up a U-Haul by myself and drove to New York City, lived in a shit apartment, and then just like kind of grinded it out with the college tour thing. I was like, I've got to make something work. I got a folding table. I ordered a hundred dollar banner off of some random sketchy website and was like, I'm going to go to schools and like meet my demographics, sell my merch, whatever.

57:14Turned into something way bigger than I could have ever imagined. We were doing crazy tours. We were on the road all year. We had a tour bus. We were selling like crazy amount of merch. Parties were insane. And yeah, I was just like, if you show up every day and do it and ask, hey, can I have a cameraman? I need this. I want to do that. Dave gives it to you. And if you show signs of like success, then he keeps funneling money into you, which is like kind of how Barstool works. You got to prove that it's working and he'll support you. Which is cool. I love that you dropped out of college. Yeah.

57:45I think it's, listen, if I, when I was in college, had had an opportunity like that. And when I was in college, it wasn't how it is now with entrepreneurs. I would have taken it in a heartbeat. And I can totally understand why you would drop out of college.

58:03Michael Bosstick:There are legitimate companies now that are starting to hire kids out of high school because a lot of those schools, or not those schools, a lot of those companies now do not see a lot of the value in some of these colleges. Yeah. Well, everyone goes to college now. It's a normal thing. Everyone goes to college. So it's not this crazy thing. Whereas like 40 years ago was like, no, they have a college degree. This is going to be great. This is going to work. Everyone goes to college. It's not something special or extraordinary anymore. So I think it I mean, it's not a scam to say, but it's also not necessary in the means that it used to be to go to college and be successful.

58:39I felt like college for me was an opportunity for me to find out what I didn't like. Like I realized through college that I didn't want to be doing things like college. And I think that if I could have had that four years back and just worked on things that lit me up, which was executing on my own and being a solopreneur and an entrepreneur, that would have been a better college for me.

59:04Michael Bosstick:But I also think we come from a generation where we were taught that you have to go to college in order to have a career. And I think what's happening now is people are realizing that's not necessarily the truth. And it may be because college has become this common thing. and also people are wondering what you're actually learning now. But yeah, as somebody who runs a media company, I can't tell you where anyone in the entire company went to college. I have no idea. I've never looked at one college degree. I didn't learn one thing for what I do in my life now in college. We have close to like 80, 100 people.

59:32Michael Bosstick:I could not tell you one person. Where did you go to college? Wagner. Wagner. You could have paid me$12.9 million and I would not know that. I would have never known. No, it's crazy. I don't know if anyone even, I think there's like one guy at Barstool, he went to Harvard. that's the only person I know that went to college. It's crazy. I mean, Harvard's a flex. If I went to Harvard, like that's why I know it because he flexes it. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure he wears the shirt and the merch and the hat and whatever. But like for me, I wish I went to the college of business and just worked on a business.

1:00:02That's looking back. Yeah. That's if I would advise anyone who's an entrepreneur to look into just actually putting the work in than having to go sit in a classroom.

1:00:11Michael Bosstick:No, but I just I think about your story and what's interesting is that you recognize that you had a shot. A lot of people would say, okay, I got to finish the degree and then take the shot. You know what I mean? But like you, you had the shots to me. Now you make a living with that. I think, well, for me, so I was, I was like, fuck, I think I do need to stay in school. So I was doing full-time school and full-time barstool. And for me, I'm a very 100 % person. So I wasn't giving 100 % to either. I was giving 50 to school and 50 to barstool. And I was like, okay, I'm not really doing that well at barstool right now.

1:00:41and I'm also like getting C's in all my classes. This is not worth it. I need to pick one. And I just saw the future or I mean, I just saw the happiness, honestly, with the career path of going the way that I did compared to school. And I was like, okay, quit school. 100 % of my effort and time needs to go into Barstool. And I mean, when you put 100 % in, you usually see a payback. Before we go, let's put it out in the ether. What does it take to date you at this point? Who is it going to be? Oh, God, guys, I don't know. I think I'm going to be single forever. That's okay. Genuinely. Honestly, that eliminates a lot of it.

1:01:18Did you see the Vogue's friggin' article?

1:01:20Michael Bosstick:We're having a guy named Scott Galloway on the show this week, and we're going to talk to him specifically. So the article is basically about, like, it's embarrassing to have a boyfriend? Let me ask you this. Hold on. It's embarrassing to have a boyfriend. That's what this article is. It's not chic. I think this woman that came on our show recently probably wrote that, maybe. No. I'm not going to hint. I kind of get what they're saying. No, but imagine this. Imagine if the headline said for men, it's embarrassing to have a girlfriend. People would be up in arms. I don't know. I actually think it's I actually think, yeah, sure.

1:01:51I get what they're saying. It could be embarrassing to have a boyfriend. It's not chic. I think that's funny. But for a guy to have a girlfriend, I feel like it gives them texture. Well, so what's your take on the article? Well, I think I think the way what the article really is trying to get at is that women don't need men anymore. It wasn't essentially like it's embarrassing to have a boyfriend. It's that like women can stand on their own and it's not embarrassing to be single is more or so what they were trying to get at. But the discourse around it has been really great because you see a lot of men getting upset, but also a lot of men being like, oh, fuck.

1:02:23Yeah, women don't really need us. So maybe we should be a little bit better. I don't know. I think it just had a really good conversation around it. I don't think it's embarrassing to have a boyfriend. I think it's embarrassing to have an embarrassing boyfriend. like you need if a man treats you right and puts you on a good pedestal and is a good man it's not embarrassing agreed but there are a lot of embarrassing men yes so if it's like a good one yeah that's not embarrassing but it's embarrassing to have an embarrassing man which a lot of women are stuck with i've been with my fair share of embarrassing men yeah we all have on this podcast i mean there was a i had to kiss a couple what's it frogs no but i mean he's your husband and this is different.

1:03:01Michael Bosstick:Yeah. Yeah, but I think the context of how you just explained it's important because a lot of people, unfortunately, are going to read something like that and just take it at face value. I think there's a lot of shitty guys out there. Also, there's a lot of shitty girls. I think there's a lot of shitty people. Yeah, of course. Right? Like, what I worry about, because I have a daughter and I have some sons, it's like I want them to grow up and be in healthy, productive, happy relationships. I don't want them to date shitty narcissists. You want your daughter to be in a relationship? That's a lie.

1:03:27I can't wait to see you handle that.

1:03:29Michael Bosstick:But also, I'm speaking from the perspective of somebody who's found happiness. So I understand that it's not easy and it's hard, but I want others to experience that kind of happiness. Of course. You know what I mean? And I think sometimes you've got to be careful just telling people. So I need to get back to what's your must-haves. Oh, my gosh. I really don't even think about it because you just have to feel like a safe person. You have to be on. Honestly, I think I've I can be a little bit shallow and what I want. You just need to be like my height or taller because I dated that Oompa Loompa and I'm just so fucking like I was like hunching in photos and there's nothing wrong with being shorter if you're a confident man that one wasn't.

1:04:12So like I always just felt awkward being tall.

1:04:14Michael Bosstick:What's what's too short? What's the what's the just be taller than me. Be five nine. OK, that's not that bad. That's really not bad. Like I'm not that shallow. I'd rather be six eight. But you'd like six eight. yeah i'm i'm kind of tall though so i'm like five six eight to me feels like slender man awkward yeah i guess maybe like are you really six eights it feels tall for me yeah but like oh that's so cool like you're just like so big and tall and strong yeah i i don't think i've ever dated a really tall guy don't worry about it you don't need to you don't need shoes but no i mean he's actually not 510 is not too crazy short that's like normal no yeah that's average i wouldn't describe myself as tall no average average yeah yeah yeah your hair adds two inches easily too yeah you have good hair that's important as well calls him lego hair you know what it's a bunch of it's a bunch of receding hair people that call me that that's fair i've probably got patchy that's a good name to be called because the lego of the hair goes on volume yeah yeah i did a i had a whole analysis done and i i looked at all these people commenting and i found that they were all balding so well that's always you know that you want someone commenting something negative 100 of the time you don't want to switch places with them so you know what what is that lego hair okay so okay so they got to be over five nine six eight range i think that they need to be on the same level financially or more successful financially than me just because i'm getting older and i don't have time to wait for you to like build a whole business that you're ever going to build?

1:05:46I like the honesty. Yeah. I mean, you don't have to be super rich. I just want you to be on the same. I want to be on an even playing field. Yeah, I get that. Yeah. I think if I want to build a life with someone, I want you to add value, whether it's emotionally, financially. I just need you to add to my life because what's the point of being in a relationship if you're not adding anything? I totally agree with you. Yeah. At this point, because I've gone through my fair share where they don't add anything and I'm like, it doesn't get me anywhere. I love it. Yeah. It was great to talk to you. You're awesome.

1:06:13great talking to you guys. Where can everyone go listen to you, find you? Is there a book? It's in the rights where we're talking. Yeah. So that takes a long time. Yeah. Listen to me. My podcast plan, Brie Uncut. It's amazing. It just came back. It's fun. It's like my favorite part of my week and watch special forces and watch all my socials. Brianna Chicken Fry, Brianna LaPaglia. Yeah. Go find me. Thank you, Brianna.